From 8210a3def06eba0786ce95738068a3565c6c85b5 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: DTB Date: Mon, 4 Sep 2023 17:48:55 -0400 Subject: [PATCH] 2023-09-04 --- homepage/homepage | 343 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 1 file changed, 343 insertions(+) diff --git a/homepage/homepage b/homepage/homepage index 60708db..d32f736 100755 --- a/homepage/homepage +++ b/homepage/homepage @@ -1928,6 +1928,349 @@ If I don't, escalate the issue to the host of this site (this can also be found +/blah/2023-09-04.html + +Regarding something I read. + +I feel some guilt for not really having a lot of trans pride. + +I grew up on /b/. Post golden era, when /pol/ started festering in its second +coming and pseudoanons started spiking the machine, everything got a lot more +transphobic. I didn't give a shit what the r/greentext exiles bore in prejudice +but I knew their opinions roughly reflected the 20% or so and life would be +easier if I lived without making them piss and shit themselves. But being +dishonest with myself, or being honest with myself but hiding who I was, didn't +work for me. I felt nothing as I breathed nothing and I worked on hidden +projects and scum agendas with the pitch hands of a tear in space, wordlessly +and heartlessly to test the limits to which a person could influence. Rage +against the biomass. I also wasn't able to safely come out in meatspace but to +a few at the time friends who still misgender me after years. + +My dream was not to be accepted and trans, but to be ignored and a cis woman. +Or pass as a cis woman. + +I too started programming on graphing calculators but I felt invalid, not a +true programmer, so I called it coding, and myself a coder, as evident by the +splashes I put before my TI-BASIC programs. Deven Blake is not my deadname, by +the way - I had my name changed when I was very young. I still don't see myself +as a programmer. Insecurities. + +I had other thoughts but I forgot them. + +2023年06月27日 + +When I started learning to program all I had was FreeBASIC and I just. Didn't. +Get it. Nor did I get PetitComputer which I got for my DSi XL. The first time I +made anything was when I was 11, 3 years after I started learning, and made a +simple drawing demo in Processing.JS. + +I was not a natural programmer. Lacking any sort of lessons or guidance or a +lot of motivation I floundered, and floundered, and floundered, and tried and +failed a dozen times. Pascal, Fortran, Petit Computer, FreeBASIC, Microsoft +Batch, SmileBASIC, a dozen more. Now I work in C and shell, only because I +learned shell to script tasks and learned C to understand my scripts better. + +A lot of people see expert programmers and get discouraged. My advice: Pick a +_good_ tool ~~(C or shell)~~ and stay until you know it. Python! + +OK I'm done shitting + +need more fiber + +I'm elsewhere, AFK - I wanna add this to the blah though. + +Undated; maybe from a year ago? Written on a paper bag in black sharpie + +soy sauce -> dill + -> teriyaki + -> avocado + -> salt + no too + Na +coffee +avocado -> ? brown ? +chai honey +blueberry lemon +green tea maple +pineapple -> oat soggy? + -> grape +key of C cheese + cream cheese + sat atop a + speaker playing + 435Hz until + the Cc is + extra soft +"dream cheese" + -> orange zest +mainly -> chamomile + -> green tea + lemon + honey +"mean cheese" + -> jalapeno + chili powder + cinnamon? + orange zest? + ~~paprika?~~ + ~~turmeric?~~ +pumpkin? +cinnamon? +kale? +salt? +pepper? +mint -> lavendar + -> coconut + -> garlic? +garlic rosemary +licorice + lavendar? +malta cream cheese + -> how? + [ -> why? ] +dandelion? +dandelion maple? +wasabi? +birthday cake? +bubblegum? +matcha! +cinnamon ginger +cola? +moxie!!! +mountain dew? +doritos? +fritos? +"team cheese" blueberry +for olympics strawberry +season (2024?) + +2023年07月03日 + +07-05 wisdom +teeth recheck +8AM be there @ 7 + +commie gets fucked by capitalist, +well he was so hot +can't afford the rent +and he drives mercedes benz +and we did it in the parking lot +all of the fucking jacked in bullshit +went to law school on daddy's nest egg +and I'm stealing toilet paper out of the store +I had a good thing and I fucked it up +everyone I know has gone +came down into the mosh pit so I can push you away +just hit your head get out and run +I had a good thing and fucked everything up +all my friends moved on +I'm still here sleeping on the floor +yeah didn't we have so much fun + +2023年07月04日 + +July 4 - when the +USA declared independ[...] +from Monarchist cunts. +I'm hiding in a parking +lot far from the hordes +that have invaded the +~~areas of~~ usual areas +of congregation. Loungi[...] +against my backpack +among Razor scooter +and Sony camera +watching the st[...] +sky +Amateur pyrotechnicians, +like teenagers on prom +night, put all their +effort into the first +five minutes of their +shows that blaze +occasionally during +twilight. The pre-show +to the fireworks +demonstration - paid +for by your tax dollars +- performed by the +city. I'm considering +breaking into an old +mill to see sky from +roof. +But that's so much +effort and the crisp +air hasn't yet cooled +me after my frantic +dash on two cheap +wheels from unnerving, +unthinking, unpredictable +crowds. A pack of +wild children crosses +my turf before deciding +to continue up Canal St. +My face itches. The +sweat and my +moisturizer are +considering waging +war on my dry skin. + +2023年07月12日 + +[...] appt 18日1000 + +2023年07月13日 + +methamphetamine +took all his molars +and then crack cocaine +only left his front teeth +Paul always yearns +for steak medium rare +but the man only has +cans of soup to eat +consumption begets +more of the same +when it doesn't, +it's illegal +give me your money, +shoes, or brain +you're not allowed +to call me evil +I am the capital + +meth took my molars +crack took my canines +lying on a park bench +what took my mind + +i can't sleep in a bed +won't sleep in a bed +i can't sleep in a bed +what took my mind + +the gray matter bubbled +bends made me all fried +I keep tossing & turning +what took my mind + +how do you fix that?' +death +but I love life and I love +sex +my friends all died and I'm +left +but it's not now my turn to +end + +I just want a steak +but crack took my canines +my destructive consumption +what the hell took my mind + +methamphetamine +took my molars +crack cocaine +took my canines +then life decided to +dissolve my gray matter +please, Gaia +who took my mind? + +destructive consumption +oh how badly I crave steak +all I've got's my two front teeth +can't eat even if I have my cake +my nerves shoot my eyes +head won't stop. someone end my pain +please, Gaia +who did this to my brain + +2018-08-30 + +Disp "SCHEDULE","CODED BY","DEVEN BLAKE 2018 +Pause +ClrHome + +//Menu +Lbl M +0→Z +Menu("LHS SCHEDULE","VIEW SCHEDULE",A,"EDIT SCHEDULE",B,"QUIT",C +Stop + +//View +Lbl A +ClrHome +For(A,1,8 + "!D:→Str1 + A + Asm(prgmLBLRW + Output(A,1,Ans + End +0 +While Ans≠21 + getKey + If Ans≠0 + Output(8,1,"2ND TO QUIT +Goto M + +//Edit +Lbl B +ClrHome +Output(1,1,"1-8 TO EDIT +Output(2,1,"OTHERS TO QUIT +0→A +0 +While Ans=0 + getKey + If Ans=72 + 7→A + If Ans=73 + 8→A + If Ans=82 + 4→A + If Ans=83 + 5→A + If Ans=84 + 6→A + If Ans=92 + 1→A + If Ans=93 + 2→A + If Ans=94 + 3→A + End +If A=0 + Goto M +ClrHome +Disp "ENTER NEW DATA +Input "",Str1 +"D:"+Str1→Str1 +A +Asm(prgmLBLRW +ClrHome +Disp "DATA CHANGED! +While Ans≠21 + getKey + End +Goto M + +//Quit +Lbl C +ClrHome +Stop + +//Data +Lbl D +PERIOD ONE +PERIOD TWO +PERIOD THREE +PERIOD FOUR +PERIOD FIVE +PERIOD SIX +PERIOD SEVEN +PERIOD EIGHT + + /blah/2023-08-25.html the voices in my head just gave me a pep talk