From a69c37e1db09d6485a1c738e67a460da44b33d14 Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: DTB Date: Sat, 16 Sep 2023 23:03:29 -0400 Subject: [PATCH] 2023-09-16 --- dmenubar/util.c | 35 ----- dmenubar/util.h | 8 - homepage/homepage | 374 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 3 files changed, 374 insertions(+), 43 deletions(-) delete mode 100644 dmenubar/util.c delete mode 100644 dmenubar/util.h diff --git a/dmenubar/util.c b/dmenubar/util.c deleted file mode 100644 index 93e1ee2..0000000 --- a/dmenubar/util.c +++ /dev/null @@ -1,35 +0,0 @@ -/* See LICENSE file for copyright and license details. */ -#include /* va_start(3), va_end(3), va_list */ -#include /* fputc(3), perror(3) */ -#include /* calloc(3), exit(3) */ -#include /* strlen(3) */ - -#include "util.h" /* die(3) */ - -void * -ecalloc(size_t nmemb, size_t size) -{ - void *p; - - if (!(p = calloc(nmemb, size))) - die("calloc:"); - return p; -} - -void -die(const char *fmt, ...) { - va_list ap; - - va_start(ap, fmt); - vfprintf(stderr, fmt, ap); - va_end(ap); - - if (fmt[0] && fmt[strlen(fmt)-1] == ':') { - fputc(' ', stderr); - perror(NULL); - } else { - fputc('\n', stderr); - } - - exit(1); -} diff --git a/dmenubar/util.h b/dmenubar/util.h deleted file mode 100644 index f633b51..0000000 --- a/dmenubar/util.h +++ /dev/null @@ -1,8 +0,0 @@ -/* See LICENSE file for copyright and license details. */ - -#define MAX(A, B) ((A) > (B) ? (A) : (B)) -#define MIN(A, B) ((A) < (B) ? (A) : (B)) -#define BETWEEN(X, A, B) ((A) <= (X) && (X) <= (B)) - -void die(const char *fmt, ...); -void *ecalloc(size_t nmemb, size_t size); diff --git a/homepage/homepage b/homepage/homepage index d32f736..3333f0c 100755 --- a/homepage/homepage +++ b/homepage/homepage @@ -1928,6 +1928,380 @@ If I don't, escalate the issue to the host of this site (this can also be found +/blah/2023-09-16.html + +The pages got disorganized in my backpack, so here they are as I dig them out. + +The View from Halfway Down is definitely from before any of the other pages, I +decided to change the name after the person for which I went to Florida noted +it was the name of a Bojack Horseman episode. + +--- + +Homelessness is a crime few want to commit. Dear vagabonds and ruffians, the +former being my category, do, though I thought carefully before deciding. Most +don't. Human beings need creature comforts, consistency, safety. Maybe I'm not +a __real__ vagabond. I'd like housing. I just can't fathom honest safety; +acceptance. + +Salsa shark. + +I'm not a real programmer, not a real writer, not a real vagabond, not a real +human, not a real woman, barely a cook - a bad one, and a burden on my loved +ones. The voices in my head disagree. When did I become the negative one? + +I imagine if I don't catch a bus in 7 hours I will be swept into the ocean. I +understand - no, kin - Dostoevsky. + +I will start asking others to help me. I sort of wish my ancestors stayed in +Finland. But I wouldn't have met [...], [...], [...]... + +Draft kinlist + +- Patrick Bateman +- Ryan Gosling +- ANARCHY Stocking +- IBUKI Maya +- AMANE Misa +- My friend Lily from Maine +- Saul Goodman +- Mike from Breaking Bad +- Mr. Triangle from Gravity Falls +- Charlie Chaplin +- Dostoevsky +- Franz Kafka +- Abandoned Magic Outlet +- Randall from Clerks +- Rorshach + +--- + +Rules for the road: charging + +Charge your biggest battery first. Use it last. Batteries before devices. +If near a power source, use it. 1% is a text message. +Charge as much as possible; if there are as many power sources as you have +devices, all your devices should be charging. +Use 1 device at a time, if necessary, if you can help it. +Internet takes battery. Cell networks take more. + +2117: Departing Jacksonville + +--- + +THE VIEW FROM HALFWAY DOWN (pg. 1) + +My job is to separate the bones. I stand at South Station in front of a +conveyer belt - my conveyer belt, just for me - and dip my hands through the +skim and pick the bones out of the line. The bones go to the vat to my right, +to level twenty-something, where the marrow is extracted and they make the +jelly. The meat, the fat, and most importantly, the blood, go further down the +line and to level 31 which I can see below me. Level 31 is where the content is +homogenized. + +I saw and talked to someone when I was in training. I don't remember its name. +It handed me my scalpel and taught me where to cut. The torso is handled by +those before me, whose work I admire. I admired the eyes to whose nose I +talked. The stainless steel. Smell of warmth. Blood from limb. + +Those before me cut a Y into the chest and take the organs. My turn is already +hollowed so I use my scalpel to - efficiently - extract the bones from the +forearm, the upper arm, calves, thighs. Cut dip pull move. Cut dip pull move. +I can tell when a new hire takes over. The cuts aren't as neat, more is taken +with the organs than necessary. + +It's so loud. Something always needs chopping, grinding. I hear dremels above +me sawing through bone. Everything is red. + +I separate the bones because I was told to do so, and separating the bones is +how I am let live, let breathe, let sip, let eat the meat. My first day is my +breath, my second water, my third my apartment, my fourth this. This meat. + +It is ground and turned to food. People beget people beget me. Simply. I +remember it that begot me. My handcuffs were unlocked in front of a +blue-painted skyscraper, my home. + +--- + +Today I woke up next to [...] +and the [...] +oh, to think, since it's been 48 hours +today's four days long shoulda already been home +I can't remember yesterday, it's sure been a while +Since I asked did we - did you - while reaching for my phone +[...] +it's been two days since yesterday and I still haven't seen [...] +I missed my bus, shit, went to the wrong station +the agent told me there wasn't any way to change it +$250 down the drawin and I slept under a palm tree +a friend booked the next ticket, owed me, now I'll pay the difference + +--- + +machine +and no there won't +be a sequel + +--- + +[grossly inaccurate drawing of the fifty United States + +--- + +THE VIEW FROM HALFWAY DOWN (pg. 2) + +From the top of the skyscraper I heard the bellows of the heavens. The distance +made the roar fade and twist into a melodious drone that seemed to be the tone +of the local crimson soil and the resonance of being. I clutched the railing of +the lift upwards, 33 stories minus none, that carried me into the low ashen +clouds. The noise crescendoed. + +It was halfway up that lift, 16 stories or so, that I met my predecessor. We +made eye contact, me slowly going up and it, stained all over in various films +of scarlet, swiftly descending. In a second I heard vague yowls of excitement +far below me. + +Suicide is the most natural way to die. By choice rather than by chance. In my +opinion to die in such a way as to mix impure brain or spine with meat is to +end in selfishness, to ensure death with one's calories. + +To say nothing of the crime. I stayed on the lift because that is my job and my +duty, and I realize that now. I committed a heinous act. I don't remember it +and naturally could not therefore defend myself. I now commit all my heinous +acts to memory. + +I was a cook. My job was to render meat into meals; patties, stew, sausage, and +sometimes delicacies if a person to me noble came to the kitchen. I thought the +work was difficult. + +I like to think about dying. To be separating my own bones on line. When I die +I'd like my cuts to be beautiful, sharp and clean, by those professional +processors that have honed their craft with their blade. + +Sometimes the bones are broken. Sometimes all the bones are broken. Nothing was +not deafening. But nothing, too, became deafening. The drone joined my silence, +residue in my riddled brain. I lie awake at night, if for nothing else then the +cacophony. + +--- + +THE VIEW FROM HALFWAY DOWN (pg. 3) + +I have been chauffered from place to place, as if I am cattle, since I was very +young. Perhaps it has been this way forever. I love my job. I love the smell. +It may seem unbelievable but it's true, I was raised in the smell, I know the +scent of blood better than flesh, I love the smell. I have also made my peace +with the unending mechanical thunder. I can't hear much else. My fingers may as +well have been tattooed red. Cut dip pull move. + +I don't know where the people came from. Nor do I know whom I would ask. I live +just as well. + +--- + +2023-08-19 T 1400 + +ON A GREYHOUND... + +An hour or so ago, between Lewiston (Maine) & Portland (Maine), the driver +stopped the bus, opened the door, stepped out, took some paces into Maine's +ubiquitous forest, and out of our sight, pissed. + +There's something about commercial transit in this state that makes ya gotta +go, I suppose. + +I'm sitting wedged against my pack and carryon, Lynn, never before mentioned +stuffed IKEA shark, above me, wondering when I can smoke my next cigarette. + +I imagine Lynn is wondering when I'll again quit. + +Greyhound is comfortably, perhaps haphazardly, disorganized. I was hoping I +could stow my pack under the bus. Funny thing about hope... I've been rereading +Watchmen and listening to the driver's radio. 80s? 60s-80s? + +I wanna see [...]. 150mins down. 2790mins to go. At least by my small mental +scratchpad. I'm embarrassed to do the math out on this real pad. I have 3 +calculators... + +--- + + PHONE ATT. + ------------- ------------- +| INT SDA SCL | | SCL SDA INT | +| DCIN 5V GND | | GND 5V DCIN | + ------------- ------------- + ------------- +| 1 _ DCIN ___| +| 2 _ VOUT ___| +| 3 _ GND ____| +| 4 _ SCL ____| +| 5 _ SDA ____| +| 6 _ INT ____| + ------------- + +--- + +2023年08月27日 + +I SHOULD BE ON A GREYHOUND... + +Today is sunday so I guess I'll start from last Monday. + +On the 21st, 1300 or so, I arrived in Orlando Florida, city - city? - of dear +hearts and weak knees. I was here to see a beloved someone and soak up some sun +and have a good time. I've never been to Florida before - in fact, I'd only +been as far as Virginia, which I didn't particularly like. I remember being +disappointed we couldn't go to a Kentucky KFC. How goals change... + +I called an ex-roommate and we spoke about how things were up in Maine: not +great. Then I called [...] who was on its way over to pick me up, on a car trip +longer than I would expect (20mins? 30?). After confusion about where it was +going (the nearest Family Dollar so I could get deodorant after spending 49 +hours on a bus) it arrived. + +It was shorter in meatspace than I expected. More beautiful. We met on-line in +[...] after a video call in which I noticed it and got flustered at how hot it +was and it got flustered at my calling it fucking stunningly gorgeous and +everyone else in the video call in the programming community sat in silence. I +threw my backpack and carry-on in the back of the car and got in the passenger +seat and I got flustered and it got flustered still more than half a year later +for the same reasons. + +Every siren makes me nervous. I know how this city treats its homeless. City? + +--- + +Orlando isn't what I, a Mainer, imagine a city to be. Before Florida's +colonization and sterilization it was just a swamp or something like that - +every presence, as well as every absense, is deliberate. It's strange how much +absence there is. Sprawling empty parking lots, five-lane roads, lines of palm +trees and now cars and the empty Magic Outlet in front of me. A city is dense. +You can walk to another restaurant in less than five minutes if you're not +enjoying your meal. People talk to you, maybe not in your language but a little +gesturing goes a long way. There is nobody in Orlando except the sun and the +heat. + +1730. No new text messages. I'm considering pawning my sleeping bag. + +1804. 1 new text message. + +On the 21st, 1500 or so, after some typical affection - as in, the act, not as +in what it meant to me - I took my first shower since about 2300-0100 between +the 18th and 19th in Maine. The water in Orlando is excellent. Ice is a must as +most taps only allow a selection between hot and lukewarm due to the +temperature. + +Then I don't remember. And what I can remember doesn't belong here. + +I thought nechan was eye-chan, but eye is me [this is Japanese; pronounced +"meh"]. Its eyes are beautiful. Much of this week I was paralyzed in awe at how +beautiful my girlfriend is. It is also just in general an excellent person. We +cooked dinner together nearly every night, it learning my rat bastard scarcity +recipes and I learning what real food tastes like and how to pronounce +jalape~no (hah lah peh nyo). + +"There's something inside you. It's hard to explain. They're talking about you, +boy, but you're still the same." + +--- + +I think it's going to rain and I have no shelter. Maybe I could figure a way +into that Magic Outlet but I have too much in my backpack to hop a fence and no +decent tools for lockpicking. + +1833. No new text messages. + +Received SMS from ??? ([...]) at 2023-08-27T17:07:38-0400: +stay as safe as you can please + +TRINITY: Would you still love me if I was a worm? +[...]: No. +TRINITY: ... + I would still love you if you were a worm. +[...]: You love me? + +I'm sorry for not showing it with my actions. Of course I love you. That was +what I was figuring out while I disappeared. + +I don't know how to ask for what I need. + +Magic Outlet Mall: Brand Names for Less +says the sign's faded vestige on tan-gray bricks +above palm trees yellow tape abandoned commerce sign +the magic outlet tapped out ain't that just the way +I don't miss my bed because I never had a bed +I had an air mattress flattened every morning by seven +then I got a foam slab but I'd still feel the bedframe +I don't miss my bed, I miss having my own space. +Magic Outlet Mall: Brand Names for Less +now here we both lie in the dirt at sunset +the light here is different prettier in many ways +better home than my last home, no roaches or sleeping bag cat spray +1-800-FL-LEGAL I just keyed a Tesla +my magic outlet sleeping space saw a rich asshole intruder +where will you deport me bitch barely of this earth +I'm from an orbiter of mars and polycule network + +--- + +2004. No new messages. + +I just heard a cicada for the first time. They're deafening. Like a car alarm +in immediate proximity. They make a piezo buzz like they're charging up a +missile and continue to target you with an otherworldly humm until the sun +finishes its descent. + +The sun and his heat are gone. It is me and Luna and Gaia that remain. Lights +are on at the magic outlet. I guess it had a little more power. + +I did not need my laptop, tech repair kit, phone parts, or two tablets. I +should have brought 1 tablet, my phone, and that's it. I needed a UV5R with +extended battery. I did not need the condoms. Gay sex is better anyway. I miss +my 5.11 RUSH 48. The ALICE's organization isn't great and it's harder to pass +unnoticed. Better would be TSA carry-on sized, then I wouldn't need to part +with my luggage. Greyhound never searched me. I'm covered in mosquito bites. + +--- + +2023年08月28日 + +Hurricane Idalia - maybe only a tropical storm, I'm not sure - hits Florida +tomorrow, and for that I will need to either stay with a friend or find a +strong umbrella. + +My bivy didn't survive the night, kinda shit but makes good insulation from the +ground. I could have roughed it but I wanted to be comfortable and I was +worried about bugs. I'm really unfamiliar with the local flora and fauna. + +I had tickets to Billy Joel and Arctic Monkeys. I was only excited to see the +friend with which I booked them. And now the plan is to go back to our +hometown. + +I'm scruffy and my hair is wack. We - as in, my girlfriend and I, which is a +delight for me to write - were planning on watching a lot of vampire movies: +Nosferatu, Only Lovers Left Alive, and Shadow of the Vampire. We ended up +watching the old classics American Psycho, Clerks, and Drive. It had never seen +Clerks and I had never seen Drie. Nor had [...] who was there Saturday. I +didn't catch a lot of the plot of Drive as I was distracted but [...] explained +it in the morning and it seems like a good movie. I was surprised at how +graphic [...]'s death in the movie was, it was a little triggering to be +honest. + +It feels good to be bitten. Bitten hard. Bitten so hard you have a mark the +next day, a bruise after a week. It feels good to bite. I bite weakly, +cautiously. I bite worried about the mark and tearing flesh and the pain. It +feels better to be bitten by one that does not care. But I feel bad when I +don't care. + + +/blah/2023-09-09.html + +western mysticism influencers stick +dispensing business stickers onto crosswalk notices +and say that mary jane is the merriest trick +and that egotistic bourgouis corpos shouldn't be so rich + + /blah/2023-09-04.html Regarding something I read.