diff --git a/homepage/homepage b/homepage/homepage index 74509c0..a57d3aa 100755 --- a/homepage/homepage +++ b/homepage/homepage @@ -1928,6 +1928,174 @@ If I don't, escalate the issue to the host of this site (this can also be found +/blah/2023-10-04.html + +2023-09-28 I woke up a little after midnight at my workplace to my coworkers +finishing close. I put my backpack on and scooted out and down the hill to find +the old lookout point one of my former roommates had mentioned once. + +The path was blocked by three boulders placed so as to prevent automobile +through-traffic. I walked by them and up the hill through the path. The +streetlight faded behind me and soon I was alone among the dark silence save +for the chatter of the crickets and varied twig-snapping of unseen nocturnal +creatures, the friends of Nowhere, Maine. + +I came to a pile of strewn trash among, if it had been warmer, which would have +been flies I suppose and bits of nastiness that are begotten by nastiness. +Hoping this was the only bit decrepid in this desolation I walked further. It +was cold and I was tired so when I saw the needles and blood I made no reaction +even after my slow realization of what had happened there. + +It was not a place of honor, there was nothing to be had or found there, and +had I known better I would have fled immediately to avoid the fate that had +befallen what was left of whomever that had found ruin among the brush and +uncaring wilderness. This was the fate of the addict when they find an +apathetic owner of a chainsaw and these were the pieces that, should I chose to +indulge in mainlined drugs, will compose myself as well. Dogs or cats or foxes +or wolves had got to what was left but what had happened was apparent. The baby +stroller and diapers and formula pouches told the rest of the story. I stood +for a while comprehending this mess, processing without being able to process. +Nor it being safe to do so. + +My grandmother has no sympathy for addicts though even she wishes they'd get +better and supports the free dispersal of naloxone for those that need it. She +doesn't see why an addict should redose rather than purchase warmth or water, +not to mention inhabit a crack shack rather than find work and hearth and life. +She's smart. She's never looked down drunkenly at an empty bottle or +experienced lethargic purple haze and stupefied daze that accompanies the +shortening of a rolled joint. She's never craved a cigarette like I have. She +couldn't imagine it. She couldn't imagine my knowing the feeling. She can't +answer my questions for her - how sober lukewarm shelter could compare to pure +happiness coursing through a vein, or how hydration could compare to not +needing to care about any need, physical or emotional. Perhaps money can't buy +one love, but there are things a person enjoys more. At least at first. + +I've been through the downward spiral slipping from shelter to smaller shelter +like a sieve, looking only for acceptance and a place to sleep and finding +scarce the former and only more expensive the latter while my pay doesn't +increase nearly as quickly as the cost to live. One shot would kill me years +later after hundreds more, perhaps not as directly the first as the last, but +the first would be my death all the same. I know this. The sound ice makes when +it hits water and feels the sharp difference in temperature accompanied by the +whoosh of butane and naked laugh of the crazed fiend hungry for more pleasure, +more solace, a hoard of catharsis never to be experienced, only kept like a rat +keeps food for winter, and the drawing in of the needle and the flick and snap +of the glass and rubber band and push of it in and the mind out and let the +reason bleed out of you in transparent drool and snot and let the eyes droop +and heart swell with unearned passion. As much as it would be my comfort then +it is my recurring nightmare now. And it's not inevitable, because I will make +it out of this hell before it chains me and loses the key. + +Hyperlinks relating to moulage + +https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/narrenturm +https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moulage +https://www.unmc.edu/newsroom/2014/01/07/unmc-history-101-medicine-in-wax/ +https://blog.unmc.edu/2013/09/04 + /dan-brick-lays-the-foundation-for-realistic-simulation/ +https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/bd + /The_Dead_Pearl_Diver_by_Benjamin_Paul_Akers_2.jpg +https://www.aoc.gov/explore-capitol-campus/art/ulysses-s-grant-statue + +Hyperlinks relating to CrowPi2 programming + +https://github.com/WiringPi/WiringPi +http://wiringpi.com/examples/blink/ +https://github.com/Elecrow-RD/CrowPi2/tree/main/known_issues +https://github.com/Elecrow-RD/CrowPi/blob/master/Examples/segment.py +https://www.adafruit.com/product/877#description +https://github.com/adafruit/Adafruit_LED_Backpack +https://cdn-shop.adafruit.com/datasheets/ht16K33v110.pdf +http://wiringpi.com/reference/i2c-library/ + +[Xlib](https://www.x.org/releases/X11R7.7/doc/libX11/libX11/libX11.html) + + +/blah/2023-10-03.html + +everything sucks so fucking hard + +So. Roommates got evicted. Seeing the writing on the wall I packed my shit up +and left. Now that my repack's done I am now comfortably contained in a +backpack with strapped on sleeping bag and scooter on my shoulder. Where to go +next, though, was complicated. + +2023-09-26 I got out of work and went back to my roommates. They were squatting +and for lack of space elsewhere I slept in the kitchen in my clothes and jacket +next to the litter box. The cats kept staring at me. It smelled like shit and +piss and the cats would paw at the litter to toss it on me. I got an hour of +sleep and went to work early. + +2023-09-27 I got out of work and scooted up the street to a Dollar Tree around +which I scooted and found a nice clear area behind a railing next to a parking +lot. At work I had debated leaving the scooter. It's weight and something else +to carry. Eventually I just brought it though and it lay next to me in the +brush. + +I laid out my sleeping bag, opened a book on my tablet, and silently and +comfortably if a little bit chilly read Hulk comics until I heard a distant +yell. + +You mother fuck! + +I looked up but I couldn't see the source. + +Get out of here! + +Perhaps it was voices. Perhaps it was a trick of the air. I laid back down. I +was wearing all black and my bivy was green against the olive brush. They +couldn't see me. + +I see you out there! If you're still there I'm going to fucking kill you! + +Night had by this time fallen. I sat up and got out my telescope. + +At work I had also considered leaving it behind. + +Two camoflouged cameras against the walls and two doors. The second one opened +and then closed. I was visible and I had probably been made. I began to pack my +stuff, quickly. Then the SUV arrived. Black, big, and it circled the parking +lot like a cat about to pounce on me. It's at this point I strap my sleeping +bag on halfway and with a glance at my former spot I got on my scooter and +sped. It started following me. + +I scooted for a cliff, jumped off my scooter and jumped down onto the wet grass +sliding to a stop. I took the time to strap the rest of my sleeping bag on and +then from that ledge jumped down and scooted down a side street. Left. Right. +Left. Right. Left onto Lisbon St and eventually I was back at work. + +[10:46 PM] trinity: outran an suv on a kick scooter +[10:46 PM] trinity: i am so swag +[11:03 PM] [..1]: i read that in your voice and it made me smile +[11:05 PM] [..2]: gayass + +I was huffing and puffing and tuned my UV-5R to the county dispatch but there +was nothing, city dispatch is encrypted and I don't wanna bother figuring it +out so I assume whoever was after me was not police. + +2023-03-06 + +post meta coital meta cigarette +pixelated bodies having meta sex +meta kids meta hacking both our meta eyes +peeping meta Toms in the same meta lie + + +/blah/2023-09-26.html + +01 "It's pretty nice." Nice didn't begin to cut it. In fact, it was the +most beautiful wax sculpture I had ever seen. It depicted a life-sized nude +woman with intricate detail: hair so fine you could trace individual strands +down to their split ends, make out the scoring of her flesh and the lines in +her palms - including wrinkling that on the animate would indicate lack of +moisture. "Why the injury?" + +3: Is your dog nice? +?: All dogs are nice. +3: Like. Can I pet your dog? +?: That's up to the dog. + + /blah/2023-09-25.html horizontal six letters; poly pollinators