From cea3dd783566c8699bc3b90e41a6f480817cd71f Mon Sep 17 00:00:00 2001 From: DTB Date: Sat, 15 Jun 2024 22:07:51 -0600 Subject: [PATCH] homepage: probably fuck everything up --- homepage | 19195 +-------------------------------------------- homepage.content | 19184 ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ 2 files changed, 19192 insertions(+), 19187 deletions(-) create mode 100755 homepage.content diff --git a/homepage b/homepage index c30e93c..c25f5fa 100755 --- a/homepage +++ b/homepage @@ -1,8 +1,9 @@ #!/bin/sh -#llllmmmm11234567892123456789312345678941234567895123456789612345678971234567890 # vim: syntax=:ts=8 + set -ex -<"$0" python3 -c ' + +<"$0".content python3 -c ' import os, sys class File: attributes = []; content = ""; substitutions = dict() @@ -18,7 +19,7 @@ class File: if key == "attributes": self.addattribute(*kwargs[key]) else: setattr(self, key, kwargs[key]) files = dict() -for part in reversed(sys.stdin.read().split("\n\n\n")): +for part in reversed(sys.stdin.read().split("\n\n\n")[1:]): name = "." + part.split("\n")[0] if "\t" in "." + name: attributes = name.split("\t")[1].split(",") @@ -101,19188 +102,8 @@ if len(bucket.split("\n")) > 2: with open("./cleanup.sh", "w") as fd: fd.write(bucket) ' -test -x homepage.local \ - && exec ./homepage.local \ - || test -e homepage.local \ - && exec sh ./homepage.local \ +test -x "$0".local \ + && exec ./"$0".local \ + || test -e "$0".local \ + && exec sh "$0".local \ || exit 0 - - -/CNAME verbatim - -www.trinity.moe - - -/BANNER.txt verbatim - - /\ |/||\|| _\|||\ |||||/||\|\\// |\ /|/ \||\| - / \ || || /|||\\|||| || || ||\/|| | ||> -/____\ _||__||\\||||\\|||__||_ _||_()||\/||\_/||/| - - -/license.html - -

Except where noted, www.trinity.moe is available under the Blue Oak Model -License 1.0.0 as defined below.

-
-Blue Oak Model License, Version 1.0.0
-
-Purpose
-	This license gives everyone as much permission to work with this
-software as possible, while protecting contributors from liability.
-
-Acceptance
-	In order to receive this license, you must agree to its rules. The
-rules of this license are both obligations under that agreement and conditions
-to your license. You must not do anything with this software that triggers a
-rule that you cannot or will not follow.
-
-Copyright
-	Each contributor licenses you to do everything with this software that
-would otherwise infringe that contributor's copyright in it.
-
-Notices
-	You must ensure that everyone who gets a copy of any part of this
-software from you, with or without changes, also gets the text of this license
-or a link to .
-
-Excuse
-	If anyone notifies you in writing that you have not complied with the
-Notices, you can keep your license by taking all practical steps to comply
-within 30 days after the notice.  If you do not do so, your license ends
-immediately.
-
-Patent
-	Each contributor licenses you to do everything with this software that
-would otherwise infringe any patent claims they can license or become able to
-license.
-
-Reliability
-	No contributor can revoke this license.
-
-No Liability
-	As far as the law allows, this software comes as is, without any
-warranty or condition, and no contributor will be liable to anyone for any
-damages related to this software or this license, under any kind of legal
-claim.
-
- - -/homepage.html -$!TITLE "homepage" documentation -$!DESCRIPTION one file, one website - -

"homepage" documentation

-

the forest

-

-homepage is a single-file static site generator written in UNIX sh(1) shell -script, the goal being to contain a website with heirarchical page -organization within a single file that can be run to extract it out to the -filesystem, almost like a self-extracting UNIX tape archive that documents its -own layout in a UTF-8 script closer to English. -

-

trees

-

files

-

-To add a file to your homepage, append three newlines ('\n', or the -Enter/Return key on your keyboard) to the end of the homepage file, followed -by the path of the file to add. A homepage file path starts with a slash ('/') -and is followed by the path to the file relative to the prefix directory (the -directory containing homepage). A file path that starts with a hash ('#') is -discarded. For all non-slash- non-hash- prefixed file paths, the behavior of -homepage is undefined. -

-

file attributes

-

-On the same line as the file path, if, after the path, a tab ('\t') is -present, the substring following the first tab in the line and spanning to -and excluding the next tab or newline describes the attributes of the file as -it is exported to the file system. These file attributes are delimited by -commas (',') and there's no limit to the amount of attributes a file can -have, though in the event of conflicting attributes the later attribute -"wins" the conflict. -

- - - - - - - - - - - - -
attribute default?action
"figuratively"yesIndicates the file should be subject to macro expansion.
"ignore" no Ignore the current entry.
"literally" noOpposite of "figuratively".
"stub" yesIndicates the file should be exported to the filesystem with the - appropriate Prefix and Suffix files prepended or appended.
"verbatim" no Opposite of "stub".
- - -/x200t/index.html -$!TITLE Thinkpad X200 Tablet - - -

Thinkpad X200 Tablet

-

updated 2022-08-11

-
-

Contents

- -

See also

-

Integrated camera

-

-This is FRU 2060 in the hardware maintenance manual. -

-

-Some models have the camera, some don't. -It will be in the middle of the top of the screen bezel (looking at the screen with the lenovo logo oriented normally); some have a black plastic trapezoidal cover, some have the camera option. -Camera kits are available on-line for the X200 Tablet for around US$15 or so at time of writing. -

-

SATA drive

-

As far as I know, any 2.5" SATA laptop-sized drive will work.

-

-To replace the drive, locate the drive cover between the stylus holder and RJ-11 modem port on the right side of the laptop. -Unscrew the screw holding in the cover, to which the hard drive icon on the bottom of the laptop under the stylus holder is pointing. -Lift out the cover and there the drive will be exposed. -

-

Hard drive caddy

-

-Most of the eBay listings for X200 Tablets don't have hard drive covers or caddies. -You will want a caddy because it makes it much easier to get a drive out, and because it spaces out the drive in the space provided and provides some (minimal) amount of shock protection. -This is especially good for hard disks as you don't want those moving around in your laptop chassis, even if there's no risk of them being disconnected. -

-

-In a pinch you can use cardboard to space out a drive. -I made out okay using folded cardstock given that my X200 Tablet was going nowhere except my desk. -You should not do this for long periods, not really because there's some risk that increases as time wears on but just because in general it's stupid. -

-

-The same rubber rails that go around the hard drive, and the same metal thing that you screw onto the drive that has the black ribbon attached used to pull the drive out, are used for the X200, X200S, X200 Tablet, X201, X201S, X201 Tablet, T420, T420S, T430, and T430S, as far as I know. -Rubber rails for the X220 Tablet did not work, nor did the bay cover for the X220 Tablet work for the X200 Tablet. -

-

Memory

-

-This is FRU 1040 DIMM in the hardware maintenance manual. -The system memory modules and the access panel only have to be removed if the modules specifically are being replaced or if the system mainboard is getting replaced. -

-

-RealBlackStuff says -the X200 Tablet is compatible with DDR3-1066 (PC3-8500) and DDR3-1333 (PC3-10600). -It's possible to have 8GB memory installed. -eBay seller laptopused correlates that DDR3-1333 dual-rank memory should work. -Apparently for technical reasons the X200 Tablet must take 2Rx8 memory; two ranks of eight chips, and for 8GB memory, 256MB per chip (divide 8192MB by 2 modules * 2 ranks * 8 chips). -

-

-OEM-configured laptops can have DDR3-1066 memory from Elpida or Samsung. -Laptop Mag says the laptop came with 2GB RAM by default and is upgradeable to 4GB but most laptops for sale secondhand have 4GB memory installed. -Types 7449-43U and 7450-EYU came with 2x2GB DDR3-1066 SO-DIMM (PC3-8500). -

-

-I got in touch with eBay seller woosterpsu who was auctioning off an X200 Tablet to benefit the Electronic Frontier Foundation with 8GB RAM installed and reported in the BIOS. -The seller sent me an image of the installed memory: a Hynix 4GB 2Rx8 PC3-10600S and a Dell P/N SNPX830DC/4G, both scavenged from other laptops. -These are confirmed working in a Core2 Duo L9400 X200 Tablet. -

-

Screws

-

-Per the hardware maintenance manual (page 225), the following screws are necessary for full assembly of the X200 Tablet: -

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Quantity Head Length Style Color
1 M1.6 6mm Wafer head Silver
1 M2 2.5mm Wafer head Black
11 M2 3mm Flat head Black
18 M2 3.5mm Wafer head Silver
1 M2 3.5mm Wafer head Black
3 M2 6mm Wafer head Silver
13 M2 6mm Wafer head Black
1 M2 3mm Stud (height=4.2mm) Black
1 M2 3mm Stud (height=5.5mm) Black
6 M2.5 6mm Wafer head Black
9 M2.5 8mm Wafer head Black
1 M3 3mm Wafer head (HDD screw) Black
-

-Additionally listed are 9 circular screw caps and 6 square screw caps. -

-

-Two screw kits are listed with part numbers 45N3139 and 60Y4164. -The difference is that 45N3139 has one more M2x3.5mm silver wafer head screw listed (18 versus 17). -45N3139's contents in particular are reflected in the table above. -

-

On page 79 of the hardware maintenance manual some very rarely-noted screw notices are listed that are worth repeating, though it's up to the maintainer to follow the practices they so choose:

- -

Software

-

-For some procedures in the hardware maintenance manual a ThinkPad Hardware Maintenance Diskette is needed. -This was available only to licensed dealers. -

-

-Here's a chart of executable names relevant to the X200 Tablet as provided from Lenovo and their product names. -A lot of this is sourced from hearsay and olden lore so it may not be fully accurate, and definitely isn't complete. -Also, I trimmed down redundant sections of product names - for example, 7wuj45uc.iso is actually BIOS Update Bootable CD for Windows 7 (32-bit, 64-bit), Vista (32-bit, 64-bit), XP - ThinkPad but if it's bootable itself operating system compatibility likely doesn't matter. -

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Executable Product name Version
6itr02ww.zip BIOS Settings Capture/Playback Utility 4.01
7wuj45uc.iso BIOS Update Bootable CD 3.21
7wuj45u6.exe BIOS Update Utility for Windows 7 (32-bit, 64-bit), Vista (32-bit, 64-bit), XP 3.21
6ea118ww.exe Conexant Audio Driver for Windows Vista (32-bit, 64-bit), XP 4.92.15.0 / 3.64.15.0
6ea160ww.exe Conexant Audio Software for Windows 7 (32-bit, 64-bit) 4.92.12.0
maint150.exe IBM Thinkpad Hardware Maintenance Diskette (HMD) 1.50
maint160.exe IBM Thinkpad Hardware Maintenance Diskette (HMD) 1.60
maint169.exe IBM Thinkpad Hardware Maintenance Diskette (HMD) 1.69
i7tm23us.exe IBM Thinkpad Hardware Maintenance Diskette (HMD) 1.75
i7tm25us.exe IBM Thinkpad Hardware Maintenance Diskette (HMD) 1.77
i7tm37us.exe Unknown Unknown
i7tm38us.exe IBM Thinkpad Hardware Maintenance Diskette (HMD) 1.89
83ts04ww.exe ThinkPad BIOS Settings for Windows 7 (32-bit), Vista (32-bit), XP, 2000 3.03
-

-Lenovo's X200 Tablet downloads won't last forever. -Here's a JavaScript that allows a user to download arbitrary executables from Lenovo's download servers. -

- - -

The following operating systems were available pre-installed by the OEM, depending on the variant:

- -

9front system usage is described in the 9front FQA, section 3.2.5.2.1.

-

Linux system usage is described in detail on the Arch GNU+Linux wiki - any Linux or UNIX specific knowledge I have I add to the Arch wiki rather than putting on this page.

-

Stylus

-

-The X200 Tablet originally came with a single-button stylus with a gray "eraser". -I found some single-button stylus from eBay, with a red "eraser", and that worked too. -I have a two-button stylus that came with another X200 Tablet but it's as of yet untested. -The Fujitsu T-5000 digitizer pen does work, identically according to xev(1). -

-

-Do not try to insert two-button Thinkpad styluses into the stylus holder of the X200 Tablet as they'll become stuck in there because of how the buttons are shaped. -To remove a stuck stylus the digitizer pen case (part number 45N3146) must be unscrewed and removed from the chassis. -Following the hardware maintenance manual, remove FRUs "1020 Battery pack" and "1060 Keyboard" and follow steps 6 and 7 of the removal process of FRU "1180 DC-in connector, fan, digitizer pen case, and pen switch assembly". -No other FRUs need to be removed, nor do any other steps of the removal process of FRU 1180 need to be followed. -

- - -/hacker-howto/index.html -$!TITLE How to Become A Hacker - -

How to Become A Hacker

-

Deven Trinity Blake

-

<trinity@trinity.moe>

-

No Copyright 🄯 2021 Deven T. Blake

-
- -

Why This Document?

-

-A lot of hackers consider Eric S. Raymond's original How to Become A Hacker to be definitive, for good reason. -It explains the "hacker philosophy", some key things at which one should be good, and is a good compass that points to What to Learn Next. -I myself stumbled upon the document maybe a decade or so ago, when I was a small impressionable child, and know half of what I do because of where it pointed me. -I think, however, that How to Become A Hacker is a bit dated, so I'm writing this to be a nice complementary piece for those to read after they read esr's original. -

-

-If you are reading a snapshot of this document offline, the current version lives at http://www.trinity.moe/hacker-howto. -

- -

Basic Hacking Skills

-

1. Learn how to program

-

-Python is an okay first language as long as you don't take it too seriously. -As said by smarter people than me, Python is a glue language. -It's slow and a bit basic, but its errors are often easy to solve, so do as much as you can with Python and Python libraries, and do the rest in faster languages. -

-

-Never touch Java. -Not even once. -While at one point it was promising, it's become a monstrous beast and it must be slain through attrition. -

-

-When you are good at programming you will think outside of programming languages. -Programming languages are tools for a job. -Some are better suited to some tasks than others. -For example, I would use C as a language for building utilities for myself, as I want them to be blisteringly fast and I know that's easier to do in C than Python. -I've written utilities in Python to know how I want them to behave, and then perfected them by rewriting them in C. -This being said, when learning a language for the first time, master it, then move on. -

-

2. Get one of the open-source Unixes and learn to use and run it.

-

-Don't try to program on Microsoft Windows. -Seriously. -This is the one mistake almost all beginners make; they'll install fifty different tools onto their MS Windows system in order to make a simple program that doesn't really work because their tutorial only works for UNIX. -Just install a Free UNIX-clone ("clone" in this context is not a bad thing; most Free UNIX-clones are much more practical in this world than the original) and learn how to work in it. -In fact, you may want to learn shell before anything else. -When you know how to -

    -
  1. Make a directory,
    2. -
  2. Make an empty file within that directory,
    3. -
  3. Overwrite the file with exactly 500B of random data,
    4. -
  4. Mark the file as executable,
    5. -
  5. Print the file to the terminal as readable, hexadecimal data,
    6. -
  6. And remove the directory and the file,
    7. -
-you will know enough to start on your journey into hacking. -

-

-BSDs are awesome and I use a BSD myself, but perhaps start with Linux as there's a much bigger community to help you there. -There are no longer any good non-UNIX operating systems. -The importance of choosing a Free operating system cannot be understated. -It's hard to learn from your OS's code when your OS's code is only readable by those within the corporation that made the OS. -

-

-Don't use Ubuntu as it suffers from many of the flaws that drive non-hacker Windows users to Linux-based systems. -Instead, try Linux Mint, which is based on Ubuntu but without the more annoying issues. -

-

3. Learn how to use the World Wide Web and write HTML.

-

-View the source code of the original How to Become A Hacker and then read the source code to this webpage. -

-

4. If you don't have functional English, learn it.

-

-It's unfortunate that English has become the lingua franca of the Internet. -But it's true, it has, and it's more or less required learning if you want to become a hacker. -

-

5. Learn to use a search engine.

-

-This is my own tip. -This is the most important thing on this page. -How to accomplish this is an exercise left to the reader. -

- - -/style.css verbatim - -@font-face { - font-family: "unscii16"; - src: url("unscii-16.ttf") format("ttf"), - url("unscii-16.woff") format("woff"); -} - -a { color: #fff; } - -body { /* copied from a textfile site because idk css */ - background: #000; - color: #ffdbdb; - display: grid; - grid-template-rows: auto 1fr auto; - margin: 0 auto 0 auto; - text-align: left; - width: 80ch; -} - -.txt { - font-family: "unscii16", monospace; - font-smooth: never; - -webkit-font-smoothing: none; - -moz-osx-font-smoothing: grayscale; -} - -pre { /* DRY who? */ - font-family: "unscii16", monospace; - font-smooth: never; - -webkit-font-smoothing: none; - -moz-osx-font-smoothing: grayscale; -} - -@media (prefers-color-scheme: light) { - a { color: #000 !important; } - body { background: #eee !important; - color: #333 !important; } -} - - -/blah/2024-06-14.html - -: changing the blah header - -The blog header and footer on this blah were written in a sprint on a stim -binge when I realized each blah page looked pretty empty without them (I think. -Honestly I don't remember too well). The header was: - -ideas with no tangibility; -ideas with irrelevant supports; -ideas without value; -ideas' witlessness; -ideas' witnesses; -ideas- - -and was meant to reflect the site theme at the time which was that each title -was a "shift" of the last title, e.g. - -2022-06-25: Down with the sickness -2022-06-26: Down with the Dickness -2022-06-30: O, posts unwritten -2022-07-06: Duo, most lingual - -It didn't make a lot of sense and was a little corny. The footer, on the other -hand: - -No rights reserved, all rights exercised, rights turned to lefts, left in this -corner of the web. - -was very popular with my friends (whose opinions are the only ones I sort of -care about). This is a spin on a format I read years ago and forgot. It's -vaguely inspired by the xkcd.com footer, which stands now as: - ->xkcd.com is best viewed with Netscape Navigator 4.0 or below on a Pentium 3±1 ->emulated in Javascript on an Apple IIGS at a screen resolution of 1024x1. ->Please enable your ad blockers, disable high-heat drying, and remove your ->device from Airplane Mode and set it to Boat Mode. For security reasons, ->please leave caps lock on while browsing. - -as (to my memory) it appeared in 2014 when I discovered xkcd (on the tail end -of an Aaron Swartz -> RSS -> readers -> feeds to read rabbit hole I was -required to go down by the collective I was then a part of). The first latest -comic I remember reading was Vodka (#1528, May 2015) which is definitely wrong -because I remember showing my sixth grade teacher xkcd comics (which would have -had to be 2014). Memories, memories, memories. Nostalgia is a spook. - -The IIGS had what, a 65K? If it was upgraded with one of those FPGA accelerator -boards, and someone wrote a performant JS engine for it and ran PCjs on it to -emulate a Pentium II, running an old Linux and using the earliest Netscape, -then set their resolution, that might be possible. I spent a lot of time -thinking about that as a kid. Maybe this is what got me into emulators. - -Multiple friends have quoted my blah footer to me which makes me feel cooler -than I am. One thought about getting it tattooed on themself. Nuts. I don't see -writing as an act of creation so much as an act of observation; I am able to be -very boastful about what I have written for the same reason I often see it as -baby talk drivel (is that how you spell that?) - it has never felt like /my/ -writing, only spewing ideas in my head which is a melting pot of shitty ideas I -find on-line. I have doubt in my ability to /create/ an authentically original -thought. It's an insecurity of mine. - -I'm replacing the header because I want a better one. Footer remains. - - -/blah/2024-06-12.html - -: debugging some bullshit - -> alright i wanna torrent some linux isos -$ torsocks aria2c --disable-ipv6 magnet://... - -[every other port abridged] - -06/12 19:02:40 [ERROR] IPv4 BitTorrent: failed to bind TCP port 6947 -Exception: [SocketCore.cc:367] errorCode=1 Failed to listen to a socket, cause: -Operation not permitted - -06/12 19:02:40 [ERROR] IPv4 BitTorrent: failed to bind TCP port 6909 -Exception: [SocketCore.cc:367] errorCode=1 Failed to listen to a socket, cause: -Operation not permitted - -06/12 19:02:40 [ERROR] IPv4 BitTorrent: failed to bind TCP port 6955 -Exception: [SocketCore.cc:367] errorCode=1 Failed to listen to a socket, cause: -Operation not permitted - -06/12 19:02:40 [ERROR] IPv4 BitTorrent: failed to bind TCP port 6977 -Exception: [SocketCore.cc:367] errorCode=1 Failed to listen to a socket, cause: -Operation not permitted - -06/12 19:02:40 [ERROR] IPv4 BitTorrent: failed to bind TCP port 6915 -Exception: [SocketCore.cc:367] errorCode=1 Failed to listen to a socket, cause: -Operation not permitted - -06/12 19:02:40 [ERROR] Exception caught -Exception: [BtSetup.cc:212] errorCode=1 Errors occurred while binding port. - -06/12 19:02:40 [NOTICE] Download [...] not complete: [...] - -Download Results: -gid |stat|avg speed |path/URI -======+====+===========+======================================================= -... |ERR | n/a|... - -Status Legend: -(ERR):error occurred. - -aria2 will resume download if the transfer is restarted. -If there are any errors, then see the log file. See '-l' option in help/man pag -e for details. - -> well fuck -> perms issue? -$ doas torsocks aria2c --disable-ipv6 magnet://... -[errors out] - -$ doas setcap cap_net_raw=ep $(which aria2c) -$ torsocks aria2c --disable-ipv6 magnet://... -[torsocks errors out because it hates extra perms] - -> well fuck -> iptables issue? -$ man iptables - -> wait let me try something -$ cd -$ python3 -m http.server 6915 & -[1] 95309 -Serving HTTP on 0.0.0.0 port 6915 (http://0.0.0.0:6915/) ... - -$ curl http://127.0.0.1:6915/.bash_history | tail -n 9 -man setcap -sudo setcap -r $(which aria2c) -man setcap -sudo setcap -r $(which aria2c) cap_net_raw -sudo setcap -r $(which aria2c) -sudo setcap -rcap_net_raw $(which aria2c) -sudo setcap - rcap_net_raw $(which aria2c) -sudo setcap -r - $(which aria2c) -sudo setcap - -r $(which aria2c) - -> i still can't figure out how to use fucking setcap(8) -> this isn't a port problem. maybe torsocks? -$ kill 95309 -[1]+ Terminated python3 -m http.server - -$ torsocks python3 -m http.server -1718241786 ERROR torsocks[104835]: Unable to resolve. Status reply: 4 (in socks -5_recv_resolve_reply() at socks5.c:677) -Traceback (most recent call last): - File "/usr/lib/python3.9/runpy.py", line 197, in _run_module_as_main - return _run_code(code, main_globals, None, - File "/usr/lib/python3.9/runpy.py", line 87, in _run_code - exec(code, run_globals) - File "/usr/lib/python3.9/http/server.py", line 1289, in - test( - File "/usr/lib/python3.9/http/server.py", line 1244, in test - with ServerClass(addr, HandlerClass) as httpd: - File "/usr/lib/python3.9/socketserver.py", line 453, in __init__ - self.server_activate() - File "/usr/lib/python3.9/socketserver.py", line 475, in server_activate - self.socket.listen(self.request_queue_size) -PermissionError: [Errno 1] Operation not permitted - -> alright what the fuck -$ man torsocks -$ man 8 torsocks -$ TORSOCKS_ALLOW_INBOUND=1 aria2c --disable-ipv6 ... - -06/12 19:32:48 [NOTICE] Downloading 1 item(s) - -06/12 19:32:48 [ERROR] Exception caught while loading DHT routing table from /h -ome/trinity/.cache/aria2/dht.dat -Exception: [DHTRoutingTableDeserializer.cc:82] errorCode=1 Failed to load DHT r -outing table from /home/trinity/.cache/aria2/dht.dat - -06/12 19:32:48 [NOTICE] IPv4 DHT: listening on UDP port 6925 - -06/12 19:32:48 [NOTICE] IPv4 BitTorrent: listening on TCP port 6917 - -[it works] - -> FUCK yeah - - -/blah/2024-06-08.html - -quit smoking 2024-04-13 noontime - - -/blah/2024-06-05.html - -: more shit i wrote at work - -my name is clown Jesus and I'm here to say -honk honk God and have a blessed day -(boom - de - yada) - -it seems every story about a team is -rife with abuse -and between all the members X - -I -when a lion -has a thorn stuck in its paw -and I can't help but get it off -and it's delighted -and it thanks me for the job -and I just laugh and say no prob -but I wake up -(I wonder) -what is real -'cuz when you treat the world with kindness -and you're numb to the surprises -and you're functional regardless -(it) doesn't matter - -II -when a neighbor -needs some help carrying groceries -up the stairs, you say no worries -but you fall -and when you look the next day -and the bruises, they still remain -guess it happened -(I wonder) -what is real -'cuz when the world can't stop you dancing -even when the rain's on your skin -and you don't know but you're not worrying - -time is acting up -up into the stratosphere -melting away -ticking the years until I meet my fate -time is all messed up -I saw it in a vision that I had in an alleyway -rattling guns -the gunfire reflected on the wall I was looking up - -when I met you -thought I loved you -how do I tell you that I think it's a mistake -'cause I saw you -in the courtyard -trying to stop your gun's angled shake - -[tenpo][ni][la][toki][mi][li][pakala][taso][lawa][mi][li][pona] - -fuck your "just say no" -I'll just say yes -for a miracle of chemistry -how could I not accept? -my brain really wants it -and god my soul needs it -gotta be depressed -if I do not agree -I'll go take a rest -from the rodeo - -1 2 3 4 5 6 7 -foun tain HI- C ~~tastes~~ - is -as hol low as ~~my po ems~~; - ~~a po em~~ - ~~one~~ - this haiku -~~so sweet but no taste~~ -sweet but no flavor - - -/blah/2024-06-01.html - -: the story so far (2021) - -Season 1: bootstraps -September -Episode 1: "moving on" - Trinity moves out of its parents' house. Tensions rise in the kitchen. -October -Episode 2: "Halloween 2021" - Trinity works Halloween while everything goes wrong around it. -December -Episode 3: "alone again, naturally" - Trinity gets its room ready for New Year's Eve. - -: the story so far (2022) - -Season 2: rat racing -January -Episode 01: "make up" - Trinity starts looking for other jobs. -February -Episode 02: "four raging cats" - Trinity starts working part time at [...] and struggles with the job. -March -Episode 03: "car seat headrest" - Trinity and Usagi go to a concert. -April -Episode 04: "week of two concerts" - Trinity and [...] struggle to find the energy to attend two concerts in - the same week. -Episode 05: "full time" - Trinity quits a job. -May -Episode 06: "time off" - Trinity and Usagi struggle to get the time off to go to a show. Trinity - gets an offer for a farming job in Presque Isle. -June -Episode 07: "the great falls balloon festival" - Trinity goes on HRT. Usagi quits their job. Trinity goes to a festival. - Trinity starts a blog. -July -Episode 08: "driver's education" - Trinity goes to Driver's Ed. It starts trying to get its old job back - but finds out there's been a change in leadership. [...] invites - Trinity over to watch television. -August -Episode 09: "two week notice" - Trinity hands in its two week notice. -Episode 10: "sleepless in lewiston" - Trinity juggles night Driver's Ed and morning employment. -Episode 11: "revenge" - Trinity quits its job and struggles to find its footing with the old - one. -September -Episode 12: "trinity did not kill the queen of england" - [...], Usagi, Trinity, and [...] see My Chemical Romance. The queen of - England dies and they celebrate. -Episode 13: "nineteen" - Trinity celebrates its birthday. -October -Episode 14: "film noir" - Trinity tries to fill its prescription. -Episode 15: "Halloween 2022" - Trinity celebrates Halloween but things don't go according to plan. -November -Episode 16: "frozen" - Trinity finds another place to put the trash after the ground is too - frozen to dig. -Episode 17: "sewage" - The toilet backs up. -December -Episode 18: "finger" - Trinity shaves off its fingertip, writes for Tebibyte Media, and wants - to die. - - -/blah/2024-05-16.html - -I forgot my phone today. Oh well. I've decided I'm done smoking weed at work -for the moment. Sometimes one can be too silly. Bus fares cost me an arm and a -leg. $1.75/trip? 20mins of my labor a day goes to transportation, and it's -often not on time. I feel neutral about self harm but I love to taste my own -blood so I try not to cut too deep or too big so I don't leave scars for too -long. The weather today is sunny. I'm wearing a sweater. It's been nine months -since I arrived at the bus station here. I've changed significantly. I miss -M-- and Moxie and blueberries off the bush and excellent weed and fistfights. -Life was not very good but I miss the simplicity of it. I never have enough -money anymore. I'm always tired. I don't think I deserve happiness but even if -I did I don't think I could ever find it. Blah blah blah. It smells like -freshly cut grass here. I can use this computer while walking. Maid computing. - -: more shit i wrote while high at work - -are antimemes sigils? - -I -in the tears of the crying red sun -dying of an affliction from which its rays run -yellow sweat dripping down from my brow -the pink sky is so hot so devoid of gray clouds -one is down but two to go said the witch -dressed in black in a hood staring down at the ground -where a corpse shivers a post mortem twitch -a brown tendril connecting its neck to a bough - -II -in man's final days, babe, who knew -that hell would come to us and rob our skies of blue -my sepia pictures of you -burned with the rest of my house down on West Bellevue -one is down and two are to go -said the witch slipping the knot before hitting the switch -as to her final remarks I don't know -I couldn't hear past the sound of the sandbag's rope's slip - -III -welcome to a hell with population one -the last two strung out and up into the sun -burnt as their lips turned to gray -I'm the last living soul, planning to go the same way -two are down and me to go -I've loved and lost but the cost was just so damn great -as I tie the last rope on the bough -I wonder if my memories will outlive my pain - -Bonsai LSD -C: gcc musl -RS: rustc -Make: bmake gmake pdpmake -SH: dash (or BSD ash?) qi betta -core: bonsai coreutils -pkg: kiss &| pkgsrc -krn: linux -arch: i386 amd64 aarch64 riscv64 -tcp: curl git ssh -wm: sway + xwayland -WiFi: iwd iwctl -DHCP: dhcpcd - - roll the - taco - _______ _______ - | .-. | | .-. | - | (|||) | |->)|(<-| - |__'-'__| |__'-'__| - ^ _______ - BK FISH TACO | |^ ____ | - | |||____|| - | ||______| - ____ / -|- | -|\ /\ -|-|- | - \\ / \ -|-|-|- | - \\/____\ ---------> | | | | | - /-----' | - / (1) halve_____________(2) dice______|____ - | | - | ***** diced tomato | - | ( ( ) ) ) lettuce | - | ( ( ( ) ) diced fish | - | __---, | - | :___--' tartar sauce | - | ____________ | - | ,-' '-, tortilla 6" | - | '-.____________,-' | - (3) |___________________________________| - -: ant wars - -When I was in like first or second grade, maybe younger, I was kept in a little -patio setup behind a building that did after school services for children whose -parents wanted as much time away from them as possible. We were all kept there, -little kids sitting in the sand trying to figure out a way to get out of the -sun but prohibited from sitting in the shade, and in the midst of our boredom -we noticed the ants at that daycare were quite large and would eat each other. -So what we did is we would get a couple ants together and had a points system -in place where the less limbs your ant had the more points it could get, and -its goal was to kill other ants that other kids had. We would grab them by -their legs and use our fingernails to rip their other limbs off while they -pawed at us begging to live, and then toss them in styrofoam cups that littered -our pen and watch them fight to the death. - - antennae (also pincers are over here; not removable UNLESS - you're only playing defense and expect the other ant - to die) -LU \ (__) / RU head (not removable without death) - -/\- -LM --| |-- RM middle (removable but inevitably terminal) - -\/- -LB / \ RB rear (removable; limits mobility significantly) - -Ants are nicely modular; you can also glue pieces on, which is free, but most -ants don't really know how to use their shitty popsicle stick (also littered) -prosthetics. Termites were around but we didn't wanna use them because they -moved too fast and hid on you, bedbugs too. - - -/blah/2024-05-15.html - -: emulating windows xp on a raspberry pi - -https://computernewb.com/wiki/QEMU/Guests/Windows_XP - -I'm going to assume you have qemu installed, and the binaries -qemu-system-x86_64 and qemu-img in your PATH, and a Windows XP x64 installation -disc image as winxp.iso. - -$ qemu-img create -f qcow2 winxp.img 20G - -This will make a qcow2 disk image for qemu. It grows as Windows writes to it so -you don't have to be miserly with your bytes. I will not come close to filling -20GB. On my machine the created file is 196K. - -$ qemu-system-x86_64 \ - -m 1G \ - -device VGA,vgamem_mb=64 \ - -cpu qemu64 \ - -M pc \ - -netdev user,id=lan \ - -device rtl8139,netdev=lan \ - -usb \ - -device usb-tablet \ - -rtc base=localtime \ - -monitor stdio \ - -cdrom winxp.iso \ - -hda winxp.img - -Have fun. - - -/blah/2024-05-09.html - -: poetry i wrote while high at work - -we're gonna end up -the lesbian stereotype: -two girls "friends with benefits" -sharing an apartment and a life -- -my gloves smell like you -you forgot to give them back -and left them in your car -I won't wash them. is that wack? -- -you said my eyes were pretty -I said yours were too -your green eyes dilated -when they met my hazel hue -- -one time we kissed in your car -but then you worried that I'd leave -because friendships last forever -but our loves don't last a week - -our lease goes on five years -and we're sharing a 1-bedroom -and when the dawn shines in the window -the light seems to bend towards you - -I -when the driver raises his hand into the cabin air -and the thumb is pointed up and index pointed at you -and one hand is on the wheel the other reaching behind -but then the pointer jerks up and the driver says boom -when your pistol's in your holster and your holster's at your hip -and nobody paid to train you so you fiddle with the piece -but the gun goes off and there's a bullet in the door -you know this job won't end without you meeting the polive - -II -hit & run & come & go & shoot to kill & hit the floor -& smash & grab & dash & fuck the pigs are here man - -[jan][ali], [o][kama] -[jan][ali], [o][kute] -[tan][pali][sina][li][pona] -[o][tawa][ala] - -I had too much last night (I feel like shit) -and I'm so dizzy in the morning (yeah, I'm still feeling it) -the hands on my watch keep making their rounds -watching me (I woke up wacked out) - -maybe I had too much last night -water isn't helping my skull feel less tight -I'm dizzy and unsteady and I keep falling down -it's my own damn fault I woke up wacked out -senses wrecked I reckon time is slipping in its place -every moment lasts forever but my watch says it's so late -if this is my due reckoning I'm sorry it had to come now -because I was so fucking high in the sky that I woke up wacked out - -III -all we are is two old country folks -in this big ol' city bar downing two rum and cokes -I'm flirting with you as you flirt with my demise; -holding my wrist up to your blade while I gaze into your eyes -IV -when my blood runs down my arm, babe -don't you dare waste a drop -put your red lips up to my crimson vein -and drain me - -I -you hate it when I call you baby -I hate it when you call my phone -you say it's infantilizing -I say we should talk when I'm stoned -II -when we went to the pub together -we asked if our warmth would last forever -but in our hearts didn't last the embers -why do we go back to this cask to remember -that - -V -no, it could never be that easy -don't even dare to hope -Spy Vs Spy washed up in Reno -emo, I put vodka in my cappuccinos -at the bar -VI -and all we are is two old country folks -in a big old city bar drinking two rum and cokes -and if I slipped a poison drip, dropped into your draught, -could you slip a tab into a kiss so I forget you not - -we're in a cloudy parking lot -looking through the windshield at the twilight -at the clouds in the parking lot -X -in a cloudy parking lot -snow falling from the sky -the dusk already fallen -and the phosphors shedding light -the smell of freshly fallen -chills linger in the night -you pull your arms together -pretending you don't have moistened eyes -the silent snow deafens us -and both our ears so loudly whine -I trodded thrice and then I turned back -and I softly asked you why - - -/blah/2024-05-08.html - -I should be less heteronormative, cisnormative, and mononormative. It's kind of -funny that I am sometimes all of these things despite being gay trans and poly. -Well, my polyamory is complicated; I'd be totally fine dating multiple people -but don't have the energy to be able to spend on something like that. -Functionally it's more like nihilamory, like I'm nihilamorous. I've dated -multiple people before and it kind of sucked but that was on me. I'm rambly -because I spent the last couple days between high and nearly sober. It's harder -to doubt whether or not I am gay (I fuck chicks) or "validly" trans (I don't -give a shit) but I do feel weird calling myself poly when I have the capacity -to date 0 people right now. - - -/blah/2024-05-07.html - -: in the wee hours of the morning... - -I'm in the car with people I know very well on cruise control at 80MPH heading -to the Denver International Airport to send one of our vessels on its way. I'm -thoroughly caffeinated and 210 minutes before a shift starts and got blazed -last night and am still feeling it a littlw bit. - -I got my ClockworkPi uConsole and it is my daily driver. It is a really -excellent solid piece of hardware, replacing the Aspire One comfortably. It's -an upgrade in terms of portability, durability, compatibility (USB-C instead of -barrel jack charging), and especially power consumption. The keyboard is slow -to use but I can dig out my HHKB for long term typing and the trackball and -ABXY are very comfortable to use. - - -/blah/2024-04-18.html - -First doctor's appointment since 2022 or so, which doesn't seem like a long -time in numbers but feels like a world ago. Last time I had a doctor's -appointment Usagi covered kitchen for me and I left [...] at noon and walked up -Pine Street to the brick and sunshine and sterile interiors to go to the -pediatrician, who was a nurse practitioner (is that how you spell that?) -filling in for Jonathan who had seen me the previous dozen or so years, which -means a lot more when you're 18. This time [...] and [...] are probably in the -kitchen and I'm in a college hospital in a city - was - and got my shit checked -out by a nurse, college student, and nurse practicioner (is that how you spell -that?). - -My friends really want me to see a therapist. So did the nurse practishuhner - -[...] kept me honest when filling out the mental health forms and apparently -they did not indicate such a hot pink sparkly life as I lead. They were also -more concerned about my chronic short- and long-term memory loss than I am, and -recommended Aquaphor for the thing happening on my foot. I got prescribed -patches for estrogen because I want my tits to get even bigger (they are pretty -big right now, and would be described so even on a cis woman) and because I -forget the sublingual tablets fairly often. I also feel worried about brushing -my teeth after holding them under my tongue and never remember to do so before- -hand. I've never been that great at remembering to brush my teeth. - -I was blah-bbing around when I had my last doctor's appointment. Goodness. - -Before today the last time I had any pizza was February 2023 I think, and I -think I had Domino's with [...] and [...] in [...]'s room. When I look back it -all seems so flat, like it happened so fast. But at the time I was amazed at -how slowly time moved. Now time races by me. - -I saw Good Will Hunting today. Cool to hear Elliot Smith (is that who that -was?) in the flick. It made me miss Maine less. The South Boston slums look a -lot like Lewiston. Today a lot of the Coloradan doctors were surprised I came -from Maine. I have a Mehnn accint, jus'sligh'ly, baht it prahbahbly sahnds like -a New Englund accent to the untrained ear. Got a ton of labs done. Estrogen, -testosterone, blood sugar, other shit I forgot to read. They laid me down so I -didn't pass out like that other time where I came to thinking I was in Five -Nights at Freddy's. I accidentally fasted for it because I was on a low-carb -diet and didn't know what to eat and so had nothing to eat - I quit, today, at -Marco's when we got two large pizzas and three free fountain drinks and I drank -a Dr. Pepper, a Mug root beer, and a half-and-half of both just to see what it -would taste like. - -The nurse practishinner really wanted me to take a psyche eval. I said I was -probably fine and probably wasn't depressed or anxious. [...] gave them a funny -look while I said it. - -Last night I said some things to my friends that felt mean, and I wish I -didn't. They said it seemed pretty normal to them which is what feels -especially bad. For the first time in a good while I don't have any particular -urge to get high. - -My blood pressure was good, weight is 192lbs, height is 72.5in with sandals on. -My Maine state ID issued 2022-09-19 said my weight was 215lbs so that's 20lbs -in 1.5 years. Maybe in five years I'll feel comfortable going to the beach. The -only time I've ever felt comfortable in the water is when [...] and I went -skinny dipping at night in Winthrop. - -Boston is to New England what Colorado Springs is to Colorado. But Denver has -more notable adjacent towns like Aurora; Boston has Worcester (with the world's -shittiest Burger King) and Reading (with the world's biggest pricks). I'm not -sure what Colorado Springs has near it. - -I wonder if I have any STDs or STIs or diabetes or anything. I'm scared -shitless of HIV or diabetes. I was roommates with a guy with HIV and he was -cool and took his precautions and had no problem talking about what it was like -with me, though society is unkind to those who are HIV+ and he wouldn't talk -about it with just anyone. And plenty of people have diabetes and ration -insulin and die so I guess I have that to look forward to if that happens. But -these lifelong illnesses aren't death sentences anymore, especially for people -with Medicaid, so I'll be alright either way hopefully. Diana was right - give -your HIV+ friend a hug. - -Can you believe I can write all this shit and can't get myself to work on the -book I'm writing? - - -/blah/2024-04-17.html - -Trip is cancelled. [...] vetoed it for the following reasons: -- LSD conflicts with packages already installed in my system and may result in - instability. -- I have a history of moderate drug abuse; it is hard for me to cope with - things without some substance and I spend little of my time sober. - -I keep thinking about [...]. It's terrifying how many people would be hurt if I -died. I don't want to end my life in bad kharma. - -I disagree with the notion that kharma is retributive; that it seeks to punish -those that deserve it. Kharma is an observation, a description. Kharma is the -realization that intentionally malicious action causes harm both to others and -one's self, an almost Newtonian law for that impossible-to-analyze humanity. - -One time when I was 16 or 17 my parents noticed I had a pimple on my arm and -boxed me into the bathroom and popped it. I broke down sobbing at the -realization that, though they had had almost no positive contribution to my -life and I barely even knew them as people, having been raised mostly by my -grandparents and 4chan/b/, I still hadn't earned my bodily autonomy from them, -and truly there was nothing I could do to get away from them without attracting -the police or whoever else they would call to come looking for me until I -turned 18. I was almost like their housecat, more a housecat than a kid. The -conditions of the household deteriorated over the course of my childhood. Their -cat, Gator, stopped eating and apparently went into shock after my parents kept -yelling at him and spritzing him with a water bottle. He was their stand-in -after I went numb to their yelling at me. I sort of envy people whose parents -were nice to them, though I don't spread the bad kharma. When I'm high and -people tell me about how their parents did something loving for them sometimes -I just break the fuck down. - -In the (literal) closet with the morning sun starting to trickle in after -another night of sleeplessness when we were 15 or 16 Usagi and I messaged over -Instagram. I don't have the stubs anymore so here's a recollection. -[U]: Have you ever noticed people with adverse experiences are the most likely - to turn out LGBT+? -[3]: Yeah but I've never really thought about why. -[U]: There's the neocon view that getting your shit fucked up causes your brain - to be fucked up. But I think it's just because it's harder to lie to - yourself when you're in a really bad place. You have to be honest with - yourself or you won't make it out of there. - -I came out to them as trans either a little bit before or a little bit after -that. - - -/blah/2024-04-15.html - -Cyberpunk diet is low carb and high protein. I pray to Snoop Dogg that I may be -forever high. Ecoterrorism is based. - -my money don't jiggle jiggle, it folds -you wanna watch tv -Batman: The Brave and the Bold - -Creeper? Aw man. So here's what I did today: [television static] I forgor skull -I had some weed, had some beer, had some coffee, had a shit ton of ice cream. - -I've never in my life had beef stroganov or chicken salad and don't plan to. -I feel like I'm melting between scenes. There are little disjointed bits of -minutes when I look at the clock and then an hour later I don't understand how -the time has passed. I can't tell when people are following what I'm saying. I -can't tell when what I'm saying is coherent. It's like there's a timing issue, -or a race condition, or some difficult error in my brain it's impossible for me -to debug. It's like trying to fix typos without being able to see the text -being corrected. I hear people talking when they aren't and can't hear a -fucking thing when they are. Driftveil City Theme. I think everyone around me -despises me. I don't think there's any amount of sleep that will make me feel -well rested or any amount of rest that will make me stop feeling like I have -white hot needles coursing through my veins and every beat of my heart is just -ticking further along until I drop dead at 27. - -"Trinity, this book says the revolution starts when you go on a walk." - -The best word to describe me right now is scattered. mi pakala - -I can't go grocery shopping on my own because I float through aisles, -backtrack, jog from one section to the next with my basket when the synapses -fire in the order that finally tells me what I need. I linger in the hardware -section, flow through bread, liquor, snacks, get caught up in the asian foods -section, go back to somewhere to find sriracha. The knives talk to me - really! -I like to look at my reflection in the stainless steel before continuing onward -after finding the kitchen timer I wanted. Are they real? Are their words? Does -it matter? - -The Atari 2600 has 128B of memory which is more than I could keep on the top of -my head. Sometimes I make a choice and it doesn't matter whether the direction -is followed or not because I will meet the same future either way. Half my -friends came from hell, half are heading there. Scattered. - -In amongst the ranting and raving everyone's dragging through my head, if you -talked to me you might even think I was normal. Prey animals don't show they're -wounded. Perhaps even I'm alright, just a little funky wunky. You know I'm -always full of loosely connected non sequiters, thinly explained relevances. - -I've seen every Tarantino movie (except Natural Born Killers - does that -count?). - -2024-04-14 - -[mi] [wile] [e] [ni]: [sina][moli][e] [mi] -[o] [moli] [e] [mi], [wile] -[awen][ala] [lon] [ni] -[mi] [wile] [moli], [mi] [wile][moli] -[mi] [wile] [moli], [moli] [e] [mi] -[mi] [en] [moli] [mi], [mi] [en] [moli][mi] -[li] [kulupu][mi], [mi] [wile][e] [ni] -[pini][mi] [la], [tenpo][li] [suli] -[pini][mi] [li], [suwi] [ala] [lili] -[pini][mi] [la], [mi] [pali][e] [ni]: -[loje][jan] [insa], [pi ali mi] - - -/blah/2024-04-14.html - -I saw bad stuff on the Internet yesterday and I wanna write about it. I at one -point had more to say but after some research I don't believe my point still -stands (I was going to argue that pedophilia, though much less common than it -used to be, is normal in our society; after reviewing statistics and -definitions I wouldn't say that is true). Here are some well-cited statistics -because otherwise my research would go to /dev/null (my brain only): -I Merriam-Webster defines pedophilia as "sexual perversion in which children - are the preferred sexual object"; specifically "a psychiatric disorder in - which an adult has sexual fantasies about or engages in sexual acts with a - prepubescent child" (<https://merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pedophilia>). -2 Pedophilia is evidently common in the present day; nearly one in six men - surveyed (15.1%) of 1945 in a 2023 Australian study anonymously - self-reported sexual feelings towards children (<https://www.humanrights. - unsw.edu.au/sites/default/files/documents/Indentifying%20and%20 - understanding%20child%20sexual%20offending%20behaviour%20and%20attitudes - %20among%20Australian%20men.pdf>). -As a side note: I skimmed the study and statistics collection and the survey -questions all seemed clear and direct. The results are much more damning than I -would expect. I remember, before this article came out, reading that one in six -men were pedophiles, but most figures I can find on-line are much lower, -particularly ones that are not the results of studies but instead speculation -by authorities. - -I think people who sexually abuse children should be slaughtered, ideally -publicly. I don't believe in rehabilitation for child molesters. I'm not picky -about the means of doing so and I wouldn't prioritize "humane" (quick) methods. -ISIS-style beheading would be fine. - -When I was 15 I knew someone my age who believed they were a prostitute and -regularly did cocaine; now I would call that child sexual assault and providing -drugs to a minor. She was socially isolated. I helped her with her math -homework in class and in a level in which we were expected to graph quadratic -functions on paper she was struggling with the concepts of variables and -exponents. The teacher in the class felt she was simply lazy - which is much -worse to me now than when I was in high school - and couldn't spend time -helping her understand these concepts. My peer wasn't able to stay after school -to catch up and even if she did I don't know if I could have at 15 taught -someone through multiple grade levels of maths. Her academics were being -jeopardized by her guardians who were either negligent or complicit in their -child being pimped out and given drugs. I don't remember if she graduated. - -Child abuse leaves very deep scars. She wasn't the only one I knew who was -abused but her story ("her story" - I sound like a fucking prick. She was cool -and we hung out in the field during Gym and talked about the drugs we wanted to -try) stuck with me as particularly sad. Some of the people I knew who were -abused went on to needlessly harm others, perpetuating a cycle of abuse. Others -became social workers - hopefully, helping others work through their own -trauma. - -This is what I remember when I see people on-line sharing not real pictures, -but drawings of child abuse, often idealizing the acts depicted. "Loli" and -"shota" porn coats in sugar some of the shittiest possible things that can -happen. Perhaps this isn't a revolutionary take; hopefully it is the most -common opinion on the matter. Children should be protected from harm. Imagery -that portrays child abuse as anything but horrifically evil is created and -shared by people who either don't understand the gravity of what it is they're -sharing (i.e. people who are minors themselves) or subhuman filth who should be -put before a firing squad. - -There's this one board on a chan site that focuses on drawn, sexualized gore. I -don't really care to write about "guro" porn because I don't have gathered -thoughts on the matter or the ethics of its consumption. I find it nearly -impossible to browse the board because for every ten drawings of adults killing -each other in coitus there is one cartoon of a minor doing the same and, like a -bird hitting a pin feather when preening, I feel a sudden, sharp pain in my -heart. This is the area that used to feel empathy and now rarely lights up -anymore. I remember the hollow stares of some of my friends coming in to school -from the morning taking the bus from their personal hells that they called -their homes. Then I close the site and never go back to the thread I was -reading. I've done this about three times, each time returning after a longer -period than before, and yesterday when it happened again I closed the site and -I'm not opening it again. Honestly I should have known better than to return -after the first time. - -There's a chan site, wirechan.org, that unlike the last one is actually good -and tends to have good people posting. Recently it was raided by a horde of -wild... pedophiles? I'm not familiar with that part of the Internet and don't -wanna be. Someone found a murderu.us XMPP advertisement I posted somewhere -(if I recall, wirechan/b/), joined #subgeneral, and wrote something in the chat -about sexually provocative kids and a -9 months age of consent. I learned how -to ban users and added more admins in case something like that ever happens -again, and I'm thankful pedophilic imagery wasn't posted in the chat. This is -why you can't put image uploads on murderu.us - I don't want CSAM on my server. -Immediately after they started posting, people in chat were making fun of them. -After they were banned the digs at what they said continued. murderu.us -participants are cool. - -I know pedophilic content is common on the Internet where scum can collect in -moist, dark places and send spores drifting around the open air of the web that -give people the occasional fungal infection or lung condition. I know -pedophilia is common even among real human beings. I just have had a hard time -with this knowledge and I wanted to write about what about this was hard for me -to understand and why I get so angry at pedophilia whether demonstrated or -glorified. I've been in a bad mood today and I think these two things I saw on- -line were a part of it. - -I've been trying to use shorter sentences and more punctuation to try to make -my writing more coherent but I'm not sure if this blahpost reads easily. I -think it would be hard to misconstrue my points though, which I wanted to be -sure of because miscommunication here would be pretty awful. - - -/blah/2024-04-13.html - - ona | it -li lon | is - - lukin | to the eye -la | - ona | it -li lon ala | is not - - ona | it -li sona | knows -e ni | that - - jan | people -li moku | are food -tawa ona | to it - - ona | it -li moku pona | eats well - - ona | it -li | is -lon ma lawa insa | in the inside of heads - - isipin | thought -li pali | creates -e ona | it - - tenpo ni | now -la sina sona | you know -e ona | it - - tenpo ni | now -la ona | it -li sona | knows -e sina | you - -o kon. o pilin e lawa sewi sina. ni li pona. ni li pona anu seme? o isipin ala -e ni, tan tenpo sina li lili mute. o tawa. sijelo sina li kalama. sijelo sina -li wile e tawa ala e utala ala e kon ike ala. o utala e wile pi sijelo sina. - -there's this void inside that loves me -and it once wished i were well -and it's this void that's inside me -that's just there causing my deepest hell - -it's silenced all of my cries -when i've tried to scream for help -but i still think i kinda like it -because it loves me like no one else -no - -the lattice of its chaos marches on so far away -laying groundwork for my madness so that i know what to say -its rehearsal of internal conflict causing me slow decay -is etching my destruction onto the surface of my brain - -That poem isn't complete nor are any this is BLAH we PUBLISH UNFINISHED WORKS -up in this bitch take yo ass back to SUBSTACK - - -/blah/2024-04-12.html - -I'm high as hell. - -o telo oko | -pi pilin ike | cry - -o weka | discard -e lipu pona | good records -pi pilin pona | of good feeling - -o sona | know -e ni: | this: - moku | consume -e pilin ike | the bad feelings -la | and - pilin ike moku | the bad feelings consume -e sina | you - -o toki | speak -lon toki ike | in cruel speech - -o ike | be cruel -e jan ante | to others - -o sona | know -e ni: | this: - sina awen | you wait, -la | and - tenpo sina | your time -li kama ala pona | doesn't get better - - sina weka | discard -e ale pona | all that is good -la | and - ale ike | all that is bad -li weka | does away with -e kon sina | your soul - - kon mi | my soul -li ike kin | is bad too - - mi ike | i'm sorry - - -/blah/2024-04-11.html - -: list of things I own in Colorado - -I have a blue string bag given to me by [...] with WARREN WARRIORS written on -the front. I take it to work. In it is -- a Nook (1st generation) reader -- 3 name tags, one of which with my name on it, the other two blank -- my work visor, apron, and shirt, which has another name tag on it -- a paint scraper -- sunglasses -- a bottle of probably 500 200mg caffeine pills (enough to kill 250 people, in - case you're wondering what the DEA would think about that) -- my uncashed Colorado state tax return check -- an eggs goldenrod recipe (which I owe a co-worker) -- a small bottle of ibuprofen -- a tin with antibacterial ointment and half a dozen Band-Aids -- a sewing kit (length of paracord, chalk, needle, thread) in a plastic bag -- my Hydroflask (beat to utter shit) - -Next is my backpack, an Osprey Farpoint 40L which is the biggest carry-on I -could have on a Greyhound and has served me well in the almost-year I've had -it. In it is -- a lighter -- nail clippers -- a compass -- 8 IKEA pencils -- a very warm beanie -- a Quansheng UV-K6 with retractible antenna and programming cable -- a Searick MP3 player (which I should give back to the former owner) -- an iPhone 6 Plus -- an iPhone 4 (jailbroken) -- a DC5525 plug, alligator clips cable -- a DC5525 plug-plug cable -- a very damaged Geiger counter, sans Geiger tube -- 3 black bandannas -- a bra -- pink-and-white striped thigh-highs -- one unmatched Kinco Frost Breaker glove -- another bra -- a pair of wool socks -- a pair of underwear -- an unmatched sock -- two more pairs of underwear -- a pair of shorts -- a pair of socks -- an unfinished letter (maybe from December or January?): - [toki][a] - [nasin][En][Musi][Ale], [mi][jo][e][kala][pona][tawa][mi]: [kala][suli]. - [lon][moku][unintelligible][mije][jo][e][unintelligible]. [jan][mute][li] - [moku][e][ona]. [unintelligible][li][ike][mute][li][ike][mute][tawa][mi]. - [mi][sona][e][ni]: [mi][olin][e][kala][suli][la][jan][ante][li][olin][e] - [kala][suli][la][jan][mute][ala][li][moku][e][kala][suli][la][kala][suli][li] - [moli][ala]. [kala][suli][li][moli][ala][la][mi][li][pilin pona]. [mi][wile] - [e][unintelligible]. [kala][suli][li][suwi][tawa][mi]. [mi][lukin][ala][e] - [ona]. [unintelligible][li][unintelligible][ala][e][ante][tawa][mi]. [kala] - [suli][li][suwi][tawa][mi]. [mi][wile][ni]: [jan][ale][li][moli][ala][e] - [soweli][ale][e][kala][ale][e][akesi][ale]. [mi][olin][e][soweli][ale][e] - [kala][ale][e][akesi][ale][e][kala][utala]. - [unintelligible][olin][mute][la][tan][soweli][san] -- a folder full of working papers and bank statements -- a first aid kit in a plastic bag: - - CVS pain-free wrapping - - gauze and naloxone in another plastic bag - - 4 travel canisters of baby powder - - a bottle of spray Aquaphor - - a Gameboy cartridge case with a condom in it - - a roll of climber's tape - - a tube of toothpaste - - a tube of antibiotic ointment, with acetaminophen - - a packet of 2 acetaminophen tablets - - two packs of razor blades - - a sunscreen stick - - a bottle of acetaminophen -- a small vial with a Nook (1st generation) speaker detached from the - mainboard, and a plastic piece that came off with it -- a prescription bottle (labelless) with a blunt in it -- a prescription bottle (labelless) with aspirin powder in it -- Franz Kafka, the Beanie Baby kiwi (a flightless bird) -- a rainbow (red, orange, yellow, blue) sweatband -- a Sony Discman (untested) with the Zelda 25th anniversary special orchestra - CD in it -- a Searick lanyard -- a canister of Dr. Martens Wonder Balsam -- a choker given to me by the lead singer of Stalk at Squashed Warehouse last - summer -- another pair of underwear -- the matching sock -- a flashlight/lantern/power bank -- a $20 preloaded debit card, paid in cash anonymously -- a USB-C plug-plug cable -- a 3.5mm TRRS plug-plug cable -- two pocket notebooks, one empty -- the toki pona cheat sheet, printed and folded to be pocket sized -- a pocket dhammapada -- a pocket cleaning cloth -- a spool of thread -- a bottle of black nail polish -- a tube of carmex -- a deck of cards -- a bag full of cables -- a bag full of bags -- my prescriptions (estrogen and spironolactone) and multivitamins -- a pill organizer, that also has diphenhydramine in case I need it -- my important documents - -Next is my sleeping bag bag (the bag that holds my sleeping bag; at one point I -knew the domain-specific term for this, but now I don't) which contains -- a bivy -- a sleeping bag - -And after that is a box I have for excess storage, as I've basically had -permanent residence for nearly six months now and have accumulated some extra -things and moved some things out of my backpack. It has -- about two square meters of black fabric I purchased at Wal Mart -- two wool t-shirts -- a small hand towel -- an unmatched sock -- a cloth mask -- a charging base for my K6 -- extra grip tape for my scooter -- new wheels for my scooter, that I have to figure out how to install -- my very broken Pinebuds Pro -- a chamoix, unopened, and the canister for a second -- the solar charging case for my now broken Storm2 -- my HHKB -- the previous, slightly broken keyboard for my Acer Aspire One -- a Famicom DS system (not the Disk System but the Nintendo DS attachment) -- Super Mario Bros. for the Nintendo Famicom -- a prescription bottle full of screws and miscellaneous small parts -- a piece of paperclip I sometimes bend into shapes to try to burn into my skin - (burning your skin in a way that visibly scars, using a lighter and - paperclip, takes patience I don't have - I can't hold the pin on the light - long enough before I crave it too bad) - -Under that box is a second box, my rags box that I use for patches and stuff, -that has -- my old work hat -- a work shirt I never liked -- my Wendys hat -- my Wendys shirt -- a cleaing rag -- another sleeping bag bag for my previous sleeping bag which is currently at - my grandparents' -- my previous set of underwear (3 pairs and they sucked) - -Beyond these I have -- pu, ku, and su -- a Baofeng UV-5R I've gotta ship to my sidekick -- a sweater -- a 10" Samsung tablet -- a Google Pixel 3A -- my wallet -- a Hello Kitty scrunchie -- my belt -- SD cards, an SD card reader -- earplugs -- another lighter -- an MP3 player -- another roll of climber's tape -- glasses -- a micro USB cable attached to a USB-A port USB-C plug adapter -- parts for my glasses -- a case with the needles for my sewing kit and a razor for cutting seams -- a Sharpie or two -- various paper notes -- a bottle of lotion -- a Razor scooter -- a USB-C cable and AC adapter -- an Acer Aspire One and charger -- two pairs of wired earbuds -- a can of WD-40 - -and the clothes on my body which are -- a pair of gym pants -- a bra -- a pair of socks - -and some clothes in the washer which are -- a pair of socks -- a pair of pants -- a shirt - -and -- a television -- 50m of 550 line -- an RF modulator -- an iFixit Kit with most items swapped for better tools - -and that's it, that's everything I own in the state of Colorado. - - -/blah/2024-04-10.html - -2024-04-08 - -(pu) Toki Pona: The Language of Good - kinupolu te watusen a! - jan Sonja -(ku) Toki Pona Dictionary - soweli Tini o! mi pilin pona tan ni: sina lon! jan Sonja -(su) The Wonderful Wizard of Oz: Toki Pona Edition - mu mu mu - -I watched and smiled anxiously at Sonja Lang signing the three books I was -purchasing for myself, as well as the two I was purchasing for my roommates. ku -was signed first and I thought the note was really, really sweet. I needed that -actually. Then pu. I don't know what "kinupolu te watusen a" means - "a" at the -end is emphatic, "te" is a nimi sin (word, new) sometimes used to introduce a -quote, but "kinupolu" and "watusen" are incomprehensible to me. - -"te" is interesting - from the Japanese -tte and conceived by kala kala and jan -Lakuse, and the latter of whom was there. I discovered Toki Pona after I had -been studying Japanese for a bit and it was cool to see some toki pona tan toki -Nijon. - -At lipu su she seemed to have lost some steam in signing which was worrying -because I was the first (though probably the least socially acclimated) fan in -a growing line. "mu mu mu" was written in green pen below the toki pona title -and above soweli Toto. [...] came over to where I was and asked for the second -copy of su I was purchasing to be signed to jan Masi. At the end I thanked jan -Sonja very much and anxiously stepped among the clumps of social masses and -stood near a bookshelf with [...] while [...] got food. - -[...] wanted to socialize and I sort of wanted to socialize, or at least be a -fly on the wall for socialization. We discussed the consequences of striking up -a conversation with a stranger or trying to nestle our way into an already- -formed crowd. Eventually they walked over to a stranger and started talking -about toki pona and stuff and people gravitated towards us and we formed a -semicircle (open, so others could join easily). [...] came back and the -discussion continued, touching on xkcd, Lojban, alternate human interfaces for -computers, Rust, Esperanto, and basically every topic we discuss at home, now -with more opinions and others guiding the conversation, which is what -socialization is for those of you who don't know. Then I checked my cell phone -for the time and drat, it was 1805 and we would be towed if we didn't go back -and move the car or renew the parking. I volunteered to go over to the car and -pay for more parking (as I was the least invested in the current conversations, -being dreadfully interested in them but having little to contribute) and took -the keys and left, too awkward to say o tawa pona to the speakers who had come -a long way to be there. - -I took the elevator down and left Norlin Library, stepping onto beautiful turf -and having an intensely vivid mental image - blocking out my own vision, no -matter how I tried to see past it or return to the present - of my own -hometown and walking through the courtyard of my middle school. The grass was -the same shade and the trails were the same sort of tar and even the buildings -were the red brick with which I was intimately familiar. It is April and the -trees are starting to bloom and though the Vernal air was filling my nose too -full and giving me the sniffles I was in love with the view and wish I didn't -have to hurry back to the car. - -I made it some minutes late though there was no tow truck in sight and none -could have towed it since the parking had expired. I went to the kiosk and -tried to pay for more time but it errored repeatedly, saying I had to enter the -license plate (which I did) before trying to swipe my card. Eventually I tried -to use ADA parking, which is ninety minutes for free, and it worked, so we had -until 1900 to get out of dodge. I texted [...] and told them this and then sat -in the car with pu and got to reading. - -My toki pona knowledge, two days ago, was not great. Only enough to be able to -navigate around relevant websites and say some basic phrases. I started from -lesson 1 and built myself a solid foundational learning rather than picking up -things here and there (which works for many languages but not one of a hundred -and extra words). Now I feel somewhat comfortable conversing though my spoken -vocabulary is limited. tenpo suno pini wan la (I had jan Ema help me with this -part of the sentence), mi pini pu. mi toki lon toki pona la, mi pilin pona. And -stuff. - -[...] and [...] came back to the car eventually and explained that we could -park where we were for free after 1900, correcting my jumbled belief that we -would be towed if we were there. Then they said the remaining toki pona group -was going to dinner and one of my roommates was invited, though they were -unclear on whether the other one or myself were. - -We ([...]) drove to the restaurant and waited for confirmation from the toki -pona group that we were fine to go in. No confirmation came back and after much -discussing pros and cons of approaches (I sort of just wanted to go home and -order a pizza) they went in while I was too fearful of public embarrassment to -go. I stayed in the car and tried to sleep but couldn't. I tried to read but -couldn't focus. I tried to play video games but can't play video games to save -my life, the awful flashing lights and obnoxious sounds inflicting countless -papercuts on my soul which craves, probably somewhere deep down, tranquility -and comfort. I tossed and turned and as the temperature dropped so did mine, -and by the time my roommates came back to the car I was locked in a running -flashback to the Burger King parking lot where I had made my home and their -unlocking the car and opening the doors threw me into a sheer terror on par -with the worst I've felt. I asked to go to a gas station. And for a cigarette. -They agreed to help with the first plea. - -On the way to the gas station they discussed a breakfast that would be -happening the next morning and called one of my exes to chat. I sat in the back -and played a game where the goal was to kill myself by sheer will, by wishing -long and hard enough that I would simply be torn from existence by some divine -act. Eventually we got to a Seven-11 (is that how you write that?) and I got a -Monster, a danish, and Chex Mix, and consumed the three in the opposite order -on the way back to [...], Colorado. I also decided to call out of work the next -morning to go to breakfast, which is a recollection for another time. - -Meeting jan Sonja was really cool. Social anxiety got the better of me on most -moments within the day and that was less cool. I think I ought to take more -risks. I decided to write this in the style of Hunter S. Thompson (would he -care if I spelled that wrong?) because I figure most writing on toki pona and -its community is academic or starstruck and I wanted to even it out a bit. I -had a good time and the toki pona speakers I met were some of the coolest -people with which I've ever conversed. - - -/blah/2024-04-09.html - -It was probably thirteen hundred something and I was in the back seat of the -Solara craving a cigarette more than I craved life, death, or any other stim. -Hyperpop was blasting on the radio and my roommates were talking about -something or another, programming related. Rust syntax? I mentioned the AWK -book's second edition had come out this year and that I had downloaded it. Emma -said something about how it was a shame AWK was specified in POSIX. Something -or another... I couldn't focus on the conversation, which was a shame, because -it was the only thing on which I was trying to focus. Topics blurred in and out -of my vision like a radar on a tank slowly pinging the surroundings of a sun- -bleached desert, though this desert much more resembled a town on the outskirts -of Denver than a war torn country (the difference being that the buildings were -standing- and also modernist architecture). Eventually I gave up and ceded -whatever point I was trying to make, though to be honest I felt my mouth was -moving on its own. Neither I or Kami were awake, barely even lucid. Just -dreaming of that first drag off a fresh red... - -Boulder came into view and changed the pallete (is that how you spell that?) to -a vivid, passionate green I hadn't known since Pennysylvania. The buildings -went from stucco (I think. maybe Adobe. I don't know this land's building -materials) to red brick and wood and metal and glass, the people were no longer -cowboys but yuppie college students wearing Apple Airpods Pro and talking on -iPhones and a mix of turtlenecks and thick-framed glasses and -circular-spectacled faux cottagecore dress-wearing women. This was a college -town and the young adults were wasting no time on the years allotted them to be -silly or stuck-up. The streets narrowed from I-25 and the stores huddled on the -streets between smaller lots than for which America has the taste and paid -parking at $1.50/hr. I stared through the nook between the passenger and driver -at the shrubbery, the manicured lawns and overgrown trees, Colorado's Harvard -or Harvardoid. A non-student couldn't tell the difference. I was consumed by -the nicotine withdrawal and came to, my middle finger and my thumb rapidly -clicking at each other like I was some fiend with trigger finger from an alien -gun, outside the car, walking towards the pay kiosk in a trance. I stood and -stared at the lush, soft grass that New Englanders know in their hearts marks -home and eventually noticed it was time for me to swipe my paycard in the slit -underneath the screen. Beep. We had three hours, until 1822. I noticed I lost -two hours to my daemon and turned to berate it for taking my valuable time only -to remember the devil was in my head, not my house, and walked with the -roommates to the library which was our destination in the first place. - -After enduring my roommates' lectures regarding the law and forbidden actions -(such as climbing through construction in order to make our route much shorter) -we arrived at Norlin Library and, after one of them had a brief chat with the -student at the inquiries desk and a long sojourn onto the Information Super- -Highway in search of clues, we took a small elevator to the fourth- no, wait, -we pressed the wrong button and corrected- the fifth floor. There were a great -many people and I wondered if we had found the right place before being handed -an ornate program printed on soft, thick, reflective paper explaining the event -before us. It was double sided with the Toki Pona on the first side and the -English on the back. - -Originally: pini la, toki pona li pali musi pi jan wan. tenpo ni la, ona li -kama toki pi jan ale. tenpo kulupu ni la, jan o toki lon ni! - -My interpretation: In the past, Toki Pona was a fun activity of one person. In -this time, it is the language of all people. In this community event, people -discuss this! - -Provided English: Toki Pona: From Personal Art Project to Small World Language - -There were many people and many things happening. Qdoba - not Chipotle, as the -program stated - were lighting flames underneath metal containers in which -tortilla chips and salsa mixes would be served. While one of my roommates -pissed I meandered over to the books table, where pu (Toki Pona: The Language -of Good), ku (Toki Pona Dictionary), and jan Sonja's latest book, su (The -Wonderful Wizard of Oz: Toki Pona Edition), were on display. I asked a clump of -the crowd how the books could be purchased and a woman in pink said quietly -that she would be accepting cash after the discussion, or another person would -be accepting money via Venmo. - -My craving gave way to anxiety at the crowd. I and the roommate who was not in -the bathroom wandered anxiously around the conference hall for a bit before, -after the other roommate came back and held our things, we both went to the -bathroom, I with a little bit of hesitation just from nerves. I tried not to -have a heart attack. When I came back out there was still a great deal of -socialization happening and my roommates and I found seats in the row behind -the front a few minutes before the discussion started and I realized the person -in pink was jan Sonja whose first impression of myself had been that I was a -sweaty, nervous fan. - -jan Sonja was accompanied by jan Lakuse and Boulder locals and nearly-locals in -chairs at the front of the room facing a crowd that overflowed from the sixty -or so seats to standing room at the back of the hall. jan Sonja and jan Lakuse -were equipped with lapel microphones attached to wireless transmitters on their -waists and the rest of the round table passed around two handheld microphones. -The round table was comprised of, from left to right, and to my foggy -recollection: - - jan Masoko (Tessa Moskoff) - jan Kasin (Caedin Cook) - jan Wiwa (River Smith) - jan Lakuse (Chelsea Raacz) - jan Sonja (Sonja Lang) - jan Sa (Jack Foster) - jan Elu (El Hays) - jan Oli (Olivia Bahr) - -And they each had insightful and interesting questions that I don't remember. -The talk was followed by my roommates socializing and me standing at the books -table waiting for someone who seemed like an authority to start accepting dana. -It didn't take long until jan Sonja found a seat by the table and as I had cash -I could purchase my books first. - - -/blah/2024-04-08.html - -# usermod -aG dialout trinity -# usermod -aG tty trinity # doesn't change ttyUSB0 but makes me feel better -# ^D -$ ^D - -Now programming the UV-5R works after a relogin. I fixed some settings and -changed the intro screen to read - __________ -| | -| haiii :3 | -|__________| - -I got my K6. Gonna try to figure out how to program it, like make apps and -shit. - -Today [...], [...], and I are going to see Sonja Lang, and we're all really -stoked. jan Sonja pali e toki pona. Sonja made Toki Pona. Like, imagine meeting -the person that invented Spanish or English. She's selling all three Toki Pona -books and I'm gonna buy all of them. I really hope she'll autograph them for -me. jan Sonja is to conlangs what David Bowie is to rock and roll. Aaaaaahh I -hope we don't geek out too much for her. - -Finished The Taste of a Man (1997). - - -/blah/2024-04-02.html - -: programming the UV-5R - -I recently ordered a UV-K6 radio, similar to the UV-5R but much more -featureful, much more programmable, and slightly newer. In order to program it -I needed a programming cable which would also work with my UV-5R so it was a no -brainer to get one of those too. I received the cable before the K6 and I wanna -play with radios so I'm programming my 5R. - -Permission denied: '/dev/ttyUSB0' - - -/blah/2024-04-01.html - -People care about me and I don't even feel like a corporeal being. I feel airy, -dissociated, like the world around me isn't real, like I'm not real either, and -like this is an illusion I'm barely even a part of. I feel like the couch on -which I lie is a projection and the air flowing across my body is a false -sensation. I find it difficult, nigh impossible, to care about my own -well-being because to care about my own well-being is to believe that I am a -being in the first place and I don't feel at all like that. I feel like I was -born to die, like I have one purpose and that is to work until I rot and then -in my death know I failed to continue longer, and die in my perceived failure. -In this very moment I don't feel like I'm in this body. I could be anywhere. In -a hospital chained to a bed in a years-long hallucination, in the car in the -longest mental breakdown of my life, at work lost in thought. I feel like I'm -falling. I'm not tethered to anything, not even my own breaths - which aren't -real. When I lift my chin up, lift my head so my gaze is perpendicular to my -spine, tilt my head farther, my vision just keeps lifting, the movement not -limited by any sort of physical presence or physics whatsoever, my perception -simply an input device controlled by my physical sensations, so when I move I -move without limits because the world is not real. This terminal is at once so -far away and yet incredibly close, so close I can see each individual glyph I -enter, so big it spans my vision, filling my eyes with sharply contrasting -pixels, pink and black, but the pink so bright it may as well be white, so far -I struggle to see it, a pinprick in the inky black of my world, my own vision -a pinhole surrounded by my mind, a terrible cave in which I am confined. I feel -like I'm falling. It's this sinking feeling, this acceleration, forever -approaching the ground, the real ground, whatever that may be. I didn't feel -hungry for a moment today. I never felt hot either. I feel cold right now. But -I know it's not real. It's just another input someone plugged into my brain -which is floating in a jar somewhere in Berlin or Shymkent. I want someone to -kill me; I want to die. - -I struggle to imagine myself happy or what my happiness looks like. I always -have. I just try to find meaning in serving others. I don't let myself get -hurt, except when I do, because I can't tell when I'm going to be hurt. I crave -physical touch, the kind I haven't felt since October or so, but not from -anyone from which I've received it in the past. I struggle to talk to people, -especially people my age. I can only relate to people in their 30s or 40s or -later. There's this wall that exists between me and people my age. Nothing they -talk about I understand. It's vapid interpersonal gossip and they-saids and -none of it has substance. What do I talk about with those I can communicate? -Cooking. News. System design. Then it breaks down. I don't know many people who -share interests with me and I can't find new people who do because I find it -difficult to be in big group chats of people I don't know and impossible to use -proprietary services like Discord or Instagram. I don't meet new people except -in real life and nobody I meet in real life likes computers or any of the -Internet stuff I do, nobody likes to watch people die or talk about the kind of -romance for which people throw themselves off buildings or speculate about the -XZ backdoor or anything. I tell myself my happiness doesn't depend on others -but Kami - simultaneously internal and external, obligatorily my best friend -but of unknown origin and with unexplained intent - can't touch me the way -flesh can and stuffed animals can't love the way I can. I have never -experienced chronic reciprocity with a human being. It's all fleeting, really -fleeting, gone in a second. Finding happiness in serving others is only really -feeling comfortable in relationships that are at least fringed with toxicity. -There is nobody who serves me, not consistently, nobody I let do so, because I -wouldn't feel comfortable in that. It is imbalanced. I haven't been happy -before, only felt a certain type of glee that in hindsight only could exist -because I couldn't tell something was wrong. My happiness is proven wrong in -every event. "I'm happy", I say, when I feel better than bad, but never when -better than good, because then I know it's fleeting, know even better than when -better than bad, know it's even more fleeting, because I know I haven't time to -waste on such a remark. I may never be happy and I'm not worried about the -possibility because it doesn't matter, because I'm not real. I imagine my death -to be the day when I lay down and die, just suddenly, just like that. Without -struggle against the reaper, without fear, and without wasted time. I find the -end of the line, a transparent fabric dead-ahead, a shroud separating the -present from the future in which I'm not to participate, and I see it and -recognize it. I leave the room, walk ten paces into the desert, and collapse -into the sand, dead of an unknown ailment, likely old age at 27 years old. And -it's a noble death. I leave behind nothing of value and no cash holdings and -nobody notices until they check my on-line status and see my last activity was -years ago. Perhaps I moved on. And I will have. Assuming I am real. - -Last night in tears I said I wish I was normal and was asked what that means. I -don't know. I just want to be able to write a coherent paragraph. I feel like -I'm speaking a different language. The voices are loud. - -And now for something completely different... - -: murderu.us is even more broken - -5AM MST - my beloved ibuki.club redirect, it's gone - day ruined - also, how does ssl work in this setup? doesn't caddy deal with it on - its own or have you accounted for this? - caddy deals with it on its own - cname ibuki.club to murderu.us and you'll be fine - i should make them have the aame certs. will probably later. just was - fed up after spending an hour or two on one file. - you should've because how does prosody get certs now? - ngircd too? - I can fuck with it tonight, it's not super urgent since the certs have - somewhere between 0 and 90 days to expire - >cname ibuki.club to murderu.us and you'll be fine - I don't think certs work that way unfortunately - if you want i can swap it around to everything cnamed to feeling - again, i was just trying to be clever -[...] - i swapped it so feeling is an A record again vs CNAME - suika: ping - now ssl doesn't work at all, even on murderu.us?!?!? - >curl: (35) OpenSSL/3.2.1: error:0A000438:SSL routines::tlsv1 alert - internal error - I'll try to fix it up tonight, don't worry about it -This is code for "TRINITY STOP FUCKING UP MY SERVER CONFS" - >i swapped it so feeling is an A record again vs CNAME - not the problem, cnames or A records wouldn't fix anything because it - goes by the domain itself and not what it points at -This is code for "TRINITY STOP FUCKING WITH EVEN MORE SHIT" - -: in which Trinity fucks with even more shit - -$ ssh feeling.murderu.us -$ doas su - - -I have about twenty minutes to work on this before I clock into work. Here's -hoping I don't fuck it up irrecoverably. - -7:30AM MST - don't ngircd and prosody have different certs? - yes, but with how acme was configured they both ran off the same one - where's acme? - did caddy fuck with global certs or something? i thought its certs - were caddy-specific - there's a script in /usr/local/bin that does ssl stuff and is wired up - in cron - >i thought its certs were caddy-specific - they are - one of the main selling points of caddy is to deal with ssl for you, - which is fine in the case of hosting only a web server but you also - have xmpp and irc - should i set caddy to use the acme dir in /etc/ssl/.../feeling.murder - u.us.json - not sure - - -/blah/2024-03-31.html - -: fixing the murderu.us web stuff - -I've heard good things about Caddy from [...] and [...] so we're using that. - -# apk add caddy make python3 -# rc-service add caddy -# git clone https://git.tebibyte.media/murderu.us/src.git /srv/murderu.us -# git clone https://git.tebibyte.media/trinity/src.git /srv/trinity -# cat >/srv/update-web.sh -#!/bin/sh -set -e - -# murderu.us -git -C /srv/murderu.us reset --hard -git -C /srv/murderu.us checkout main -git -C /srv/murderu.us pull - -# trinity.moe -git -C /srv/trinity reset --hard -git -C /srv/trinity checkout main -git -C /srv/trinity pull -make -BC /srv/trinity dist/homepage \ - >/var/log/trinitydotmoe-out \ - 2>/var/log/trinitydotmoe-err -^D -# sh /srv/update-web.sh - -and I'm having a hard time with the Caddyfile - -HAS NOT WORKED: -:80 { - root * /srv/trinity/dist/homepage -} - -HAS NOT WORKED: -http://trinity.moe { - root * /srv/trinity/dist/homepage -} - -Oh it's on-line. Here's the working config: -{ - admin off -} -trinity.moe, www.trinity.moe { - root * /srv/trinity/dist/homepage - file_server -} -be.murderu.us { - root * /srv/murderu.us/be - file_server -} -:80, :443 { - root * /srv/murderu.us/www - file_server -} - -Alright anyway. - -Read The Effects of the Injection of Human Semen into Female Animals (1945), -The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (1950), Chess Story (1976), BLAME! -chapters 1-65 (1997-2003), Blame (1995), Sonichu #0 (2005), BLAME Academy! and -the two following chapters (2008), BLAME!2 (2008), NSE (2008), Numa no Kami -(2008), Parcel (2008), Pump (2008), The Armored Battle Insects: Sphingidae -(2008), Zeb-Noid (2008), Surviving Secondary (2011), Schengen Overview (2012), -Unix as IDE (2015), BLAME! Fort of Silicon Creatures (2017), GNU Parallel 2018 -(2018), "Semenly" Harmless Back Pain: An Unusual Presentation of a Subcutaneous -Abscess (2019), Batman: Last Knight on Earth #1-3 (2019-2020), Something is -Killing the Children #1-20 (2019-2021). - -I'm reading The Taste of a Man and I really love it. - -I quit veganism on the 27th after a year of being vegan. - -FOODS THAT ARE VEGAN -- Impossible Whopper, with no mayonaise (is that how you spell that?) -- French fries from most fast food places, notably excepting McDonalds -- McDonalds' Apple Pies -- Doritos, but only the Spicy Sweet Chili flavor -- Drakes Apple Pies -- Sour Patch Kids - -FOODS THAT ARE NOT VEGAN, BUT YOU'D THINK THEY ARE -I can't remember, as I checked ingredients labels I slowly built a database in -my head of Contains: MILK, EGGS, ETC. -- Shin Ramen. I thought it was vegan because it didn't Contain: MILK, EGGS. But - nestled in the ingredients were multiple beef things. - -TIMES I ATE NON-VEGAN FOOD ITEMS -- Shin Ramen. A lot of it. I misread the label. -- Vodka sauce. Contains: MILK. -- A Wendy's pretzel bun. Contains: MILK. -- Pesto. Contains: MILK. Probably the same week as the vodka sauce. - -Most foods that suck are not vegan. Most pretty alright foods are vegan. I will -probably go vegan again in the future. - -NON-VEGAN FOODS I HAVE TRIED SINCE QUITTING VEGANISM -- A Junior Whopper, no mayo. My stomach hurt and I felt sad for the cow. -- Eggs, fried medium in butter. My stomach hurt less from these and it felt - nice to fry eggs again. I felt weird about the butter though. -- Dairy Queen ice cream, a blizzard (cookie dough or something). This made my - stomach hurt like hell. -- Eggs, fried medium in neutral oil. -- French toast sticks. These weren't very good. -- A biscuit with jam. This was alright but not great. -- Ice cream, a lot of it. Cheap stuff from Burger King. I am addicted. It makes - my stomach feel like it is going through a self-destruct sequence. -- The Dr. Pepper Whataburger Shake. I got a large and regretted it. -- A Whataburger malt, vanilla. Finished the rest of a friend's. Regretted it. -- A Monte Christo, technically a mini Christo. Delicious but felt weird. -- Hot chocolate, two times or three. One of the times I put whipped (via - blender) sugarless cream in there. Then I tried to whip more cream with sugar - in the blender and curdled a cup of heavy whipping cream - the blender blades - get two hot from friction. -- A sandwich with turkey, swiss, pickles, and mayo. Made me feel weird. -- Beef burritos. Made me feel really weird. I feel bad for the cows. I kept - staring at the meat in the tortilla and imagining it as part of the cow, how - it fit into the shape of the animal I held in my mind, while Kami kept - thinking about the similarities to human meat. -- Eggs goldenrod. Tasted good but had a weird texture. I enjoyed it but it's a - lot of effort to make. - -I think that's it. I've mostly had ice cream and the vast majority of what I've -had has been vegetarian. I might go pescatarian but I feel weird about it -because a friend already is and it worries me because we're already kind of -similar in other ways and I don't wanna seem like a poser or something. But -damn I miss sushi. I don't wanna give up sushi. Granted, it's been a long time -since I've had sushi. I want sushi. I might have it tomorrow. Fuck, it's -expensive though. Augh. Other than sushi I don't eat fish, I don't like to eat -fish. I miss California rolls because I'm a basic bitch but I also like tiger -rolls and crunchy rolls. I got them from a supermarket in M**ne. - -Today was Easter I guess. Happy Easter. Tomorrow's Jake's day, and April Cools, -and April Fools, and whatever else I don't know. I'm planning to go on a trip -(yeah) on Bicycle Day (you get it) and it looks like I'm a stoner to my boss -because I'm taking the nineteenth, twentieth, and twenty-first off of April. As -well as the eighteenth. Whatever. - -trinity.moe is back on-line due to the caddy stuff. Woot woot. - -Gave a coworker the arson.pisskink.org URL. - -our guns are chambered for different rounds -when you found out at the range you held your head down -and on the walk home in the twilight-lit mist -you asked me how long I had known this secret -secret? I said, while my pace did quicken -and my while heart rate rose and face flushed you listened -my little vampire, I've always been on the menu -but into the difference you're the one consumed - -our codependent symbiosis pseudo-scientific neurosis -mutually spiraling virus, disease of the mind -I should never have summoned you mind-flaying doppelganger -sick in our heads, sick to my stomach, and lacking a spine -when we get in the door and you get on all fours -and you lunge at me sending us both to the floor -and you rip off my shirt and see the silver bullet on the chain -will you rip out my brain and fin'ly settle the score? - -Alright trin out. Beedoodoo. - - -/blah/2024-03-21.html - -I want to explain what I mean by what I say when I say how I used to live in a -place that was unliveable. It felt fucking fast and it was always night. I -borrowed (took) a cigarette from my manager and kicked off on my Razor A5 from -my workplace, a Burger King on a slope steep enough to get me to a pretty good -speed by the time I made it to the light, always red. I didn't look both ways -because I didn't care - and when I mean I didn't care I mean once I made it -past the stretch after Aaron's I was rolling down Lisbon St. fast enough for -the wind to sting my eyes, catching them behind my glasses, fast enough to go -on the road where I would usually be going faster than the cars, without a -helmet or padding besides a thick jacket and thick pants. My headphones would -be loud as hell and usually playing something hard and metal like Grazhdanskaya -Oborona or early Bring Me the Horizon. The moon in the sky - and if it was full -shit would usually hit the fan - and by hit the fan I mean in the light the -junkies would be shooting up and the crackheads would be smoking and by the -time you met them you wouldn't see the pipe but the pulled back skin on their -faces, tight against their bone, grimacing in an uncanny expression of -desensitization, looking for their next score - and by score I mean money or -someone with it - me - which would be trouble if my scooter was around 7-Eleven -where I found the junkies usually going fast enough that nobody bothered. But -one time I was on my way back when someone stopped me asking where they could -go to stay - they looked friendly so I stopped - and I replied I was just -squatting somewhere - and as I left they spoke to someone in a van who started -tailing me and I had to run off the tail. This was in July? In September I -didn't even have that squat but instead Toni. I went from work to Hell to sleep -to work. I would wake with dew on my cheek - not dew - condensation - from my -breath, because the battery was too far gone to wake enough to roll down the -windows, and I didn't have the key anyway - I got in through a hole in the -back. - -When I say fast I mean I was running all the time and I wasn't allowed where I -was sleeping except sorta de facto. The world blurred around me. My co-workers -respected me for being probably the fastest one in the kitchen and the -employees of the place where I was sleeping loved me for always being happy to -help someone out. At night on my way to the car I would pass by this building -with full length windows on the ground floor and I would look into the mirror -at what I had become. I was wearing a black Rothco M-65, Doc Martens, work -pants (I can't remember how to spell Carhart (sic?)), a black hat, black -gloves, a black UV-5R to read counties - I was dressed like a vigilante, -sleeping like a cowboy, working like a mule. I was lying to those who could -house me, saying I was housed, because I knew my options were fucked. I didn't -believe I would survive - I wrote my life off and lived like it didn't matter -if I died - lived like I couldn't die - lived like I wanted to die - it wasn't -really living, was it? - or was it living more than I had ever before? - I was -sloppy. Remember Case in the first couple chapters of Neuromancer? It was a -constant, chronic state of mania trying to separate enough from the city that I -could leave without spending the rest of my life looking over my shoulder. But -I still do. When I say fast I mean I had a clock that was ticking - two. I had -the clock until my Greyhound arrived at Bates College and I had the clock until -it was too cold to sleep in the car even in my sleeping bag and I didn't wake -up. And I didn't think leaving would really help - I didn't think leaving would -get me to a place where I could start living. [...] told me they'd "put me up" -which to me meant little because I had no clue how to get an apartment or -anything. I planned to sleep in a hostel or outside or die here. I just didn't -wanna die in Bumfuck Nowhere Maine. - -I think my last couple relationships were, in hindsight, fucking awful, in -general and for me specifically. I feel like I experienced at once both sides -of a bad time. I refrain from discussing relationship stuff on here because -people read this who actually know me and of whom I write but it's jarring to -me just how awful all of my romantic relationships have been - all of them. -Often the biggest issue is how paralyzed I am - I sacrifice my own desires for -trying to maintain comfort. I don't take risks in relationships. I would -probably be fine at maintaining a Good Thing but getting to a Good Thing is -impossible because I don't communicate what I want for fear of being judged for -it. This is a problem not just in my romantic relationships but generally in my -life. Related is the fact that I don't communicate my discomfort. - -2024-03-19 - -: replies to my post on watchpeopledie.tv - -ChazzMichaelMichaels: you're a fucking weird guy, you know that. - like what the fuck is wrong with you? - -Certifiedsnowflake: okay dude, what the actual flip - -cutethighscars: i have a foot fetish and im a strong enough woman to - admit it. that being said; The fuck kind of crossbreeding - of kinks is this? - -natsuki_: this is for your fetish, isn't it ? - -VermiciousKnid: You're sick - -Snappy: :#marseyfinger: - - -/blah/2024-03-18.html - -I thought I had more here but I guess the file must have disappeared. - -BLAME! is really cool. - -Moved my Sourcehut projects to git.tebibyte.media. - - -/blah/2024-03-14.html - -Happy pi day. - -Building rust-analyzer from source: - -# cd /usr/local/src -# git clone https://github.com/rust-lang/rust-analyzer -# cd rust-analyzer -# cargo build --release - -Oh it built just like that. Swag. - -Sonja Lang is now listening to Frouzziland by Shotu. - -My 3DS fucking rocks. - -Sorry I can't keep ya updated more I am mostly just working and sleeping and -having LOADS OF SEX all the FUCKING TIME. Seriously like so much sex. You ever -heard the Weezer song I'm Tired of Having Sex? It's like that. I have totally -had sex in the last four months. Tons of it. - - -/blah/2024-02-29.html - -I have a graphical environment on this netbook and honestly, what more do I -need? I don't have the mouse working but don't really need it, I only use foot -terminal windows in sway anyway. - -- WAYLAND! I am using Wayland now. I don't notice much of a difference (except -that there's no helpful sway introduction like there was an i3 introduction, -and I had to make my configuration myself). I want binary space partitioning in -this like bspwm - or at least a mockery of it. - -Yesterday was my first day off in a while and I quite enjoyed it. I have 14 -hours racked up in Pok`emon White (no compose key set up yet) and did my taxes, -which were only slightly more of a pain because of jobs in both Maine and -Colorado, thanks to the lovely FreeTaxUSA.com. - -I've met two people here who spontaneously brought up the subject of Maine: a -co-worker and a bus driver. The co-worker was infatuated with the concept of -Maine after seeing a one-act play about people who watched the aurora in Maine. -I don't know, maybe you can see it way up North in Caribou or Limestone or -Presque Isle, but I never saw a fucking aurora borealis in Maine and I lived -there 20 years, so I don't know who they (the playwrights) are kidding. Well, -actually I do - they're a kid named [...]. "Kid" in the perjorative fashion, -they're 19 and probably mature, they just seem like a kid to me and also seem -to have a crush on me. Is my Maine accent noticeable? The bus driver was -telling me he'd been to every United State except Alaska, North Dakota, -Missouri, and - finally, and I said the word with him - Maine. I knew he'd say -it because Kami told me and he talked about how Maine is too haunted and he -never wanted to step foot there. I laughed and said he was right and showed him -my Maine state I.D. - now hole-punched as I am officially a Coloradan. - -One of my co-workers thinks I am the anti-Christ and will not speak to me, not -a word of even "good mornin'" or "have a g'night". Thank goodness because they -are dry as fuck and talk about conspiracy theories every waking moment. - -For some reason unplugging and replugging this ke board is making it unable to -reconnect. The built-in ke board on this netbook has a bad ke : -[ Q ][ W ][ E ][ R ][ T ][ ][ U ][ I ][ O ][ P ] - -Hmm. Switching over to a tty and unplugging and replugging, I got no errors in -dmesg. And now it works in sway again. So who knows. - -My website is still broken so these blog posts (since after 2024-01-03) won't -show up. - -I wrote my first full program in Rust (error handling, option parsing) this -month, swab(1) for Bonsai. I can't believe March begins tomorrow. - -The plan is that I will be put on the lease in one of the following months. I -think that means I'm officially no longer homeless. - -I went on a date with a really weird dude. I should probably just stick to -women. I want someone I love to do something to me in a way that affects me -physically that is reprehensible - I don't want someone I don't love to do -something that only slightly affects me that is reprehensible. You get me? - -The 4chan/b/ rabbit eye story still messes with me. So does fluffy torture. -Nothing else on /b/ really made me as wacked out as that. But I couldn't look -away. - -I really love how my computer looks. I love typing on it. - -nyaa - - -/blah/2024-02-28.html - -: notes on installing sway on this alpine machine - -# apk add \ - libinput \ - libudev-zero \ - mesa-dri-gallium \ - seatd seatd-openrc -# usermod -aG seat $USER -# rc-update add seatd default -# rc-service seatd start - - -/blah/2024-02-26.html - -Days since my last day off from work: 32. - -It was 1900 and they were late by a little bit. - -Mike: [They] stood you up. -3: [They] did not stand me up. -Mike: [They] totally stood you up. - -Eventually they showed up and we went over to the axe throwing range. -Conversation was slow because it's hard to talk when throwing the axe or -shuriken and it's hard to hear when a safe distance back in the gallery. - -3: I feel like this isn't really productive to conversation. -M--: Yeah, let's cut it short. - -Then we sat in their Subaru Forrester and smoked some cigarettes (mine green -tea, theirs tobacco) while thinking. - -M--: You know, it's kind of early. Do you wanna do something else? -3: The only things to really do around here are axe throw and walk in the - woods. Do you wanna go to Thorncraig? -M--: Sure. - -Then we walked in the woods and discussed more things. We told each other a -couple things we hadn't told anyone else and despite meeting for the first time -in years (since New Year's 2020? or 2019?) and not really knowing why, I -trusted them quite a bit. I suggested we go to the woods and walk around alone -in the middle of the night and they weren't perturbed or anything so they -trusted me too. - -Eventually we drove over to a McDonalds parking lot to continue talking. - -3: What do you wanna do next? -M--: Do you wanna go to Acadia? -3: How far away is that? -M--: Like, three hours one way. -3: Hmm. Sure. - -We stopped at a gas station to get snacks for the trip and I got two flavors of -Chex Mix, regular and Honey Barbecue. I figured they'd like at least one and -I'd take the other. - -M--: Actually I can only have the regular because the other one contains milk - - I'm vegan. -3: Oh, yeah. - -I went back in and looked for vegan gas station foods. It was a lot harder than -I expected. Everything had milk or eggs. Eventually I found Drake's Apple Pies -and the purple bags of Doritos (Sweet Chili or something) and probably Oreos. I -also got a couple jugs of water for the trip. - -Eventually we got to Acadia having scream sung most of Nothing But Thieves' -Broken Machine album together and a lot of 1000 gecs. Little did we know that -the green tea cigarettes had considerable amounts of caffeine in them and -that's why we weren't tired. - -I miss M-- so fucking much. So much. Nobody hugs the same way they do. Nobody -headpats the same way. Nobody has the same smile. M--'s smile floods my brain -with endorphins somehow - it's so eager, enthusiastic, full of umami fun if -that makes sense. M--'s eyes smile as much as their mouth. They don't restrain -their grin. M--'s voice is smooth despite having slight rasp, an androgynous -pitch and the same speech patterns as Rainbow Dash. They have a crush on -someone I know and that person first described M--'s speech patterns as the -same as Rainbow Dash and later I told M-- that and they were embarrassed -because they didn't think Rainbow Dash really seemed like someone a person -would be into. This is after that person I know watched the Dawn Somewhere -Rainbow Dash "Oh Baby" video on repeat like a hundred times because they -thought it was really hot. Sorry to you two if you read this. - -M-- deserves the world and I've failed to give it to them. - - -/blah/2024-02-23.html - -Days since my last day off from work: 29. - -Read The Prince (1532). -Read Josephine the Singer (1924). -Read The Internet is a Playground (2009). - -I have no desire, but not in an enlightened way, just in a depressed way. Often -I don't know what is real; occasionally I don't care. My last day off from work -was 2024-01-25 (Mahayana New Year) and this consecutive string of labor has -taken a serious toll on my bodily and mental health, one I could not have -imagined. - -Around Valentine's Day I got really lonely. I don't miss not being single -because I realize I have never really understood anyone I've dated nor, really, -anyone else in general. I don't think I'm cut out for human interaction and am -in the middle of a really bad social anhedonia cut. What is loneliness without -want for fellow humans? Want for interaction, but not human interaction. I -tried out llama.cpp on my phone and was underwhelmed. Good self-hosted AI on -cheap consumer tech isn't here yet. Not being able to meaningfully train AI on -its interactions with you - and by that I mean currently the only way to "build -a history" with modern AI is to copy and paste the interaction chain into its -prompt - makes it hard to form a relationship with the bytes. Form a relation --ship with the - is that where I am nowadays? I also tried out making a Tulpa -which went disastrously and probably came close to actually putting me into -psychosis. My reasoning was that I don't want to bring another entity into life -but I already share a vessel with Kami so if I could give her physical form as -a Tulpa I could always be with her and never be lonely. This spiraled into only -interacting with Kami for a day or two and [...] and [...] talking me out of -continuing to visualize it so Kami returned to my head and I to reality. - -On account of work I have not done much of anything since Mahayana New Year. -For a while I was drinking but I drank too much and [...] dumped the rest of -the vodka down the drain because fae was worried about me. I've been -programming and reading and playing Pokemon as of the last few days and I feel -so thoroughly dead inside, like my soul itself has necrosed and is a rotting -organ inside of me spewing out deadened spirit infecting my waking -consciousness, taking my lucidity. I've been swimming from scene to scene of my -life as if in a movie, barely forming memories and barely even here. - -I watch a lot of gore and read comics of people dying and movies with a lot of -violence or just enough violence to sate me but remain acceptable to those -around me like American Psycho and Taxi Driver. I'm barely coherent to those to -which I talk; I have a hard time manipulating the muscles in my mouth to -enunciate speech because I am dumping so much energy into life and labor to -begin with, and then when I can get out the utterances I spew word salad and -nonsensical grammatically invalid constructs because my brain is reading out of -a buffer that hasn't been filled, the thought process blocking on arithmetical -instructions that just. won't. compute. I've gone mad, or nearly so, due to -overwork, and it's only for my public, frequent, yet always too brief -conventions with sanity that nobody notices. In describing a dream I had to -subgeneral the other day my visceral recollection caused two people to leave -the chat from discomfort with the subject matter - one came back when I was -done. - -I love pain, I fear injury. I want someone to tie me down and do things to me -nobody could justify, leaving me with a limp and able to go to work the next -day but with sharp aches remaining where they wounded me. I want to spend a -long time recovering from it. And then when I can't remember how it felt I want -to have it done again. I've thought about this; burning spends fuel (matches -are expensive and I'm running out of butane), razors risk infection, my knife -risks infection, and besides cutting runs the risk of cutting too deep and if I -cut a tendon I won't be able to work anymore which will kill me, punching hard -objects until my knuckles bleed risks breaking my hands, drug use risks death, -et cetera. I don't want to die - I absolutely do not want to die. This is the -best hope I've had in my life of things getting better. I'm only so far down -this pit because I work so much because I am so stressed about the potential of -eviction. I want to feel pain because I feel fucking bad, I feel really fucking -bad, and I want to get my mind off it. - -The thing about being lonely is that I have friends - I have a couple people I -usually care about. But right now I just don't care to interact with anyone. -Yet I'm lonely. What do I crave? Not romance. Maybe not friendship. Maybe I -don't want to interact with people because I don't understand people. But I'll -never really understand, comprehensively, any life form complex enough to be -fun to interact with. So who knows. - -My relationships falling apart didn't cause this; this caused my relationships -to fall apart. - -I'm so fucking stressed and so fucking tense and I feel like I am going to -shatter into a million pieces if hit too hard. Last night I didn't know if -[...] was real and broke down because of it. I'm so fucking ridiculously -fucking tired, so fucking tired, so fucking incredibly tired, so fucking tired, -the sleepiest kitten in the bundle, just so tired, I'm so tired, I'm so tired. - -2024-01-26 - -all from me - -|| you're good dawg. the main thing that has messed with me is that you didn't -| tell me sooner. but I understand it. || -|| i understand your reasoning and i was considering breaking up with you for a -| little while now for roughly the same things. i resolved not to and you did -| the opposite and that's alright. || -|| the thing that hurts isn't the end of the romance but that the end of the -| romance really doesn't hurt. i already felt the grief when you weren't -| texting me back for that long stretch. the pain is in the face that i -| realized the romance was done a while before we broke up || -|| s,in the fact,, || -|| i also had been discussing with [...] less than an hour before how i felt -| like i couldn't understand anybody and am constantly considering isolating -| and becoming a hermit or something so it was sadly pretty consistent with the -| plot. i know i didn't understand you. i just planned to come to an -| understanding after enough interaction and time. it's okay though and i'm not -| disappearing || -|| there are a lot of things on which i have to work. and they're my own loads -| to bear and blame none of it on you nor do i see you as anything less than -| excellent and a good friend || -|| you had the decency to not only tell me why you made your decision but -| thoroughly and patiently explain it, and while you were properly zooted at -| that. if that's not good character i don't know what is. honestly it's the -| smoothest a breakup's ever gone for me || - - -/blah/2024-02-07.html - -Read The Boys Omnibus 3 (2012). - -+-= Job Hunt -=+-= Applied =-+-= Follow up =-+ -| | | Taco Bell | -| | | 7-Eleven | -| | Arby's | | -| | Chipotle | | -+--------------+-------------+---------------+ - -Finished The Boys comic run (#1-#72). - - -/blah/2024-02-06.html - -Read Herogasm (2010). -Read Highland Laddie (2011). - -psychosecurity - relating to organizational or personal security against - psychic tampering (mind control & hypnosis, cognitoviruses - & memetics, ethereal processes, et cetera) - -I want to proteinmax and get lots of muscle so I taste really good when I'm -killed and eaten. I'm at 7.5lbs on biceps curls but I think I might be close to -being able to move up to 10, though I think my form is wrong. I want a gym -membership. - -Typing on the HHKB is still pure sex all these moons later. - -I can't think of much to say, my life is a bit mundane lately. - -Watching someone text and drive at the same time. - -I got a sweater so now I can dress like Andy from The Coffin of Andy and -Leyley. Now I just need my hair dyed black. I swore that would be one of the -first things I'd do upon arriving to this new land but money ain't for nothing -and the chicks sure as hell ain't free. - -serotonin softly stole -by postage acid-dipped and sold -lab made a buck -are your eyes wide enough -that you can see life unfold? - -I think ESP is going to be an actual security issue within the next hundred -years but I wouldn't bet on it. I do think fringe ether stuff like that is -possible. - -1346 - -"Wow, you're really tense." - -Read Butcher, Baker, Candlestickmaker (2011). -Read Hanging Not Punishment Enough (1701). -Read The GNU Manifesto (2008). -Read Evil Maid Just Got Angrier (2013). -Read PRINCE - Modern Password Guessing Algorithm (2014). -Read Measuring Real-World Innacuracies and Biases in Modeling Password - Guessability (2015). - -Yeah I'm really fucking tense. I thought I heard something getting out of the -shower so I drew my (3 inch - pathetic) knife and cleared the corridor kitchen -and living room just like old times. Nothing of course. C'est ne rien. - -I want so bad to fucking kill someone. Anyone. I miss the feeling of quickening -pulse beating against my palms and then its slowing and cessation. I come from -a land where gazelles grazed freely in the pairie, unaware their world could -end. - -My memories of my former land blur together into one montage of death and life -and love and hell. I remember beating the shit out of- that's not believeable, -I don't believe it. I remember hotboxing my manager's car, habitually. Smoking -everyone else's weed. Being owed a thousand dollars by someone who tried to -strand me in Manhattan. Getting a PS2, giving it to people I thought I liked, -realizing. Getting a Gamecube, loving it, realizing I didn't have anyone with -which to play it, selling it for much less than for which I bought it. Getting -a Wii when I was very young, treasuring it, letting it collect dust as I moved -on to handheld pastures, finding it again, using ponyhax to homebrew it, -treasuring it, sending it along to someone I still think is cool. - -I dislike most people I used to know, especially in hindsight. I can't believe -the things I did, nor can anyone else. I tried my damndest to not get any scars -because when I was done what I was doing I wanted to be Done - not marked by my -past. I wore a big, heavy jacket, and big, heavy pants, and big, heavy boots, -and they all got beat to shit really quickly but kept me alright in them. All I -have now are marks from old roadrash and a couple dozen burns on my arms from -work and play. And how did you get in so much trouble if you don't have any -scars... - -Cryptanalysts have the upper hand. - - -/blah/2024-02-04.html - -Read The Boys Omnibus 1 (2009). -Read The Boys Omnibus 2 (2010). - -I'm counting each of these as a book because they were like 500-600 pages each. -6/100. - -2024-02-02 - -there's something gross about my liver -think my brain's gonna decay -I'm twitching, can't steady my fingers -organs filled; contaminate - -I need a drink, oh god I'm dying -I'm fucking dying of this thirst -I think withdrawal's gonna kill me -that is, if I don't kill me first - -I need to sanitize my kidneys -need to sterilize my flesh -give me something I can swallow -as the draught runs to my chest - -I know it's what you wanted -saw you building up a set -of surgical supplies so you can -dissect me once I'm dead - -you know when someone leaves a party -you can talk about them without fear -I never really gave a shit -I'll talk shit when they're here - -is that how you will mourn me -when my picture sits on my box -after all the pain that I've made -will my stone say mother fuck - -her all she ever did was drink and -bet and fuck and smoke and hurt -all she ever did was lie around -waiting for someone to save her - - -/blah/2024-02-02.html - -Broke up with my girlfriend. Single. Next question. - -Read Recursive Programming (1960). -Read A Speech to IBM Field Engineering Branch Managers (1967). -Read Go To Statement Considered Harmful (1968). -Read MIT Guide to Lock Picking (1991). -Read The Code Book (1999). -Read Drive (2005) yesterday. - -I'm gonna count the MIT Guide, the Code Book, and Drive as books, bringing my -year's total read books up to 4/100. Pretty sure I'm not gonna make it to 100. - - -/blah/2024-01-21.html - -: hungover diaries - -0734 wake up go back to sleep -0800 alarm. ding. text girlfriend. sleep. -0805 alarm. ding -0810 alarm. i'm up i read articles about the spanish (i think) football - president or whatever forcibly kissing a player and getting booted from - football itself (they can do that?). it was hyperlinked from a - web3isgoinggreat site or whatever. neato. -0830 regretting things i messaged people last night but also some of what i - messaged was really sweet. hemingway was right -0840 kettle on stove water in pot heat in burner -0845 pouring green tea. before this also i unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher - because we forgot to do it last night (can you guess why) -0850 timer's up, add milk (oat), consider adding vodka, no trin that's why that - fucker from maine still owes you $80 -0900 check bus time tables, sit down, play some angry birds on the 3ds. why was - angry birds on the 3ds? we were watching jacksfilms and one of the skits - had angry birds in it -0910 start writing - -I am not extremely hungover because I drank a shit ton of water last night, -probably 2-3 liters. I also never really blacked out or did things that were -against my inhibitions. But I also didn't drink a whole lot anyway. - -While drinking last night I was overcome with waves of joy so intense I -collapsed and couldn't help myself laughing and rolling on the ground, feeling -the vinyl floor underneath my back. - -I've finished my tea and it was really good so I'm making another one. I put -four tea bags in my pocket so I could make green tea at work too. - -really the lilies on the ocean floor -would drown in the salt of the churning sea shore -the tide would come swallow the petals in foam -and draw lily petals away from their loam - -if i had a mill'on and ni-ne-ty two -dollars i'd hide them in calcified tombs -wooden and brass chests buried on the beach -so i could suffocate my slow-rottin peach - -and all of the lillies in under the sea -and all of the flowers drowning in the deep -and all of the orchids awash in the waves -and all of the fruits of the labors of slaves - -and all of the gold buried in the ocean -and all of the riches hoarded from their friends -and all of the rockets that reach for the stars -and terraformed rocks glowing red from afar - -the rich and the few terrorize many who -would rather send riches so far from the view -of innocent bunches collected for quite -an innocent task, helping others get by - -for where there's no gold there's no greed any all -for where there's no wine there's no fight any all -for where there's no load there's no weight any all -for where there's no pain there's no death any all - -really the beauty that lounges in calm -dissappears when there is conflict in the song -really the beauty that i've tried to save -rots in its darkness until it's too late - -if i had a million and ninety two -dollars i'd find and kill those bastards who -have more money than i and keep it on lock -then i'd burn it and then i'd bury myself - -in oil and then i'd fly myself away -to a hot red rock in the middle of space -just to ensure that the ashes themselves -are kept from those who would remake my lived hell - - -/blah/2024-01-20.html - -: why mm(1) - -I started working on mm(1) probably around 2020-2021, when I was first -acquainting myself with the inner workings of UNIX-like operating systems which -I had been using for a couple years by then. I can't remember how I noticed it -but it bothered me that there was this cat(1p) utility which took multiple -input files and streamed them successively to standard output: - - [ input ] [ input ] [ input ]... - |_______ | _______| - _|_|_|_ - | | - |cat(1p)| - |_______| - | - V - standard output - -And then this tee(1p) utility which took from standard input and streamed its -bytes to multiple outputs: - - standard input - V - ___|___ - | | - |tee(1p)| - |_______| - ______| | |__________ - | | | - [ output ] [ output ] [ output ]... - -And they were separate utilities despite both doing the job of writing input(s) -to output(s). I imagined a hypothetical utility mm(1) that does it all: - - [ input ] [ input ] [ input ]... - |_______ | _______| - _|_|_|_ - | | - | mm(1) | - |_______| - ______| | |__________ - | | | - [ output ] [ output ] [ output ]... - -And attempted to write this magical "mm" (as in, "middleman") utility that -would act as a "middleman" for streams before giving up (due to lack of C or -POSIX API experience) for a couple years to practice making easier programs in -UNIX environments. - -There are a couple reasons to implement cat(1p) and tee(1p) as separate -utilities: - -1) Ease of implementation - - Differentiating input arguments from output arguments would require - either having a separator mark (which would be ineligant and exclude - that mark from being a useable file name) or option parsing. - - Imagine a separator mark in the context of a hypothetical utility - insouts(1): - - $ PS1='\n$ ' - - $ insouts -h - Usage: insouts (input...) "][" (output...) - - $ printf %s\\n hello\ world - hello world - - $ printf %s\\n hello\ world >in1 - - $ insouts ][ - - $ insouts ][ ][ /dev/stdout - Usage: insouts (input...) "][" (output...) - - $ insouts ./][ ][ /dev/stdout - hello world - - What a mess! The file ][ can no longer easily be used with insouts(1), - which may be acceptable (it's not a sensible file name anyway), but - it's sacrificed for horrendously ugly syntax featuring stressfully - unmatched square brackets. - - I've written programs that have used separator marks for arguments, - namely pscat(1), psrelay(1), and psroute(1) so far, and there are a - number of additional caveats that come with their particular flavor of - marker and I've been hesitant about the syntax since I came up with it - half a year ago. Best not to make more things about which to fret. - - Now imagine option parsing: - - $ PS1='\n$ ' - - $ insouts - Usage: insouts (-i [input])... (-o [output])... - - $ insouts -i in1 - hello world - - $ insouts -i in1 -i ][ -i out1 - hello world - hello world - hello world - - This works for everything and is how mm(1) works. The issue is with - regards to code itself. Imagine a very basic cat(1) implementation in - C: - - #include - int main(int argc, char *argv[]){ - int c; - FILE *f; - int i; - - for(i = 1; i < argc; ++i){ - if((f = fopen(argv[i])) == NULL){ - perror(argv[i]); - return 1; - } - while((c = getc(f)) != EOF) - putchar(c); - fclose(f); - } - } - - This doesn't conform to POSIX (which requires 'cat -u' to be supported) - but illustrates the ease of using cat(1)'s arguments: For each - argument, open it as a file, write it out, close it, and that's it. - - mm(1)'s option parsing for '-i' and '-o' alone, as of writing, are 24 - lines alone, excluding the functions they call. The above program is 16 - lines of code. This weight does also come from supporting "-" as a - euphemism for /dev/stdin or /dev/stdout depending on whether it was - used for '-i' or '-o' and trying to create an output file if it doesn't - exist and without these two features that are unsupported by the above - program the code for '-i' and '-o' would be considerably lighter, but - the point is that option parsing adds complexity that can be avoided by - simply having two utilities. - - Furthermore, options have drawbacks for users. - -2) Ease of use - - One relatively common use of cat(1p) is to catenate all files matching - a glob pattern. Imagine: - - $ PS1='\n$ ' - - $ ls - in1 - in2 - in3 - - $ cat "$f"; done - - $ mm . While '-i' and '-o' are 24 lines in -total, the rest of the options logic is necessary for cat(1p) and tee(1p) and -is unavoidable and outweighs the '-i' and '-o' options, plus much of the '-i' -and '-o' logic is still necessary in both cat(1p) and tee(1p) (supporting "-" -and, in tee(1p)'s case, creating an output if it doesn't exist). Though there -is additional memory juggling due to supporting arbitrary inputs and outputs, -in most uses actual memory use isn't noticeably affected (10 extra bytes for 5 -file arguments, or one tenth of the data used by this parenthetical statement). - -It is possible to write implementations of cat(1p) and tee(1p) in POSIX shell -script as wrappers on mm(1) and I have done so, so users who want to use globs -can simply call cat or tee as usual. - -mm -i input -o output tends to be intuitive for existing shell users once they -learn the name "middleman". - - -/blah/2024-01-17.html - -Read American Psycho (1991). I need a cigarette really, really bad. - -I can't afford to renew my SourceHut account right now so these blog posts are -going up on my wobsite in A Bit, whenever I get around to manually building -them. I might set up a build server on feeling.murderu.us for small jobs but I -don't know. I also want to set up a proper VPS for trinity.moe but $60/year -(for Capsul) is a hell of a lot more than $20/year for SourceHut. - -It feels weird to have long fingernails. - -The Japanese Zen monk tradition according to No Recipe (2018) which someone -with which I'm staying is reading is to not have animals killed specifically -for you but always eat what you are served. I interpret this as well-spirited -and not a rule to dance around, having others act as go-betweens, because that -would suck. I sort of like this and have been rethinking veganism because it is -really inconvenient to have to restrict others' treatment of me; that is, I -can't eat meat that was prepared for me by people who don't know I'm vegan. -Most people don't have a good conception of what is and isn't vegan and will -serve me things that aren't vegan unknowingly. - -I wish everyone was vegan but I don't wish to impose my will on others. - -I feel shame at the notion that I have eaten something that died, except when -it comes to humans, at which notion I instead feel powerful, because I'm fucked -in the head. - - -/blah/2024-01-12.html - -Read Finding the Still Point (2007). - - -/blah/2024-01-03.html - -states to which i've been -- Maine -- New Hampshire -- Massachusetts -- Vermont -- Rhode Island -- Connecticut -- New York -- New Jersey -- Delaware -- Maryland -- Virginia -- North Carolina -- South Carolina -- Georgia -- Florida -- Pennysylvania -- Ohio -- Indiana -- Illinois -- Missouri -- Kansas -- Colorado - - -/blah/2024-01-01.html - -This year my goal is to read 100 books. I'm digging into the 1980 book Coded -Character Sets, History and Development first, a 535 page tome that is luckily -mostly figures and diagrams. I'm 72 pages into it and it's written not too -dryly which is good because the subject matter is boring as shit (the -ratification of ASCII). Not actually very boring, something that is relevant to -work being done on Bonsai, but still just a slog. I consider it required -reading, though. I think after this I'm gonna read some comics though counting -books will be tricky (per issue? per volume? per arc? per compendium?). - -I read No Longer Human (1948) after having already read the Ito adaptation -which was in comparison total dogshit. Read the original only. - -I'm applying to another, different fast food joint, for the referral bonus. I -love money. - -I'm tracking my cash flow in/out. Let's see how long that lasts. - -I stopped biting my nails. That Will last because I've always hated that I do. - -I haven't had any Monsters since 2023-12-22. - -Hopefully I can keep all of this going. But if I keep just one it'll be good -enough for me. - -2022-05-18 - -: /etc/motd - -Welcome to Trinity's Thinkpad X200T. - -Unauthorized access is a violation of -United States federal law according to -the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act, 18 -USC Section 1030. - -Mess with the best, die like the rest. - - -/blah/2023-12-31.html - -I switched to the Helix text editor. I can't figure out syntax highlighting -but everything else works so well it doesn't really matter to me. - -Emma gave me an Acer Aspire One to loan indefinitely. It's really nice. I'm -running Alpine x86 right now and can't figure out how to get XOrg or Sway -working. It also uses a hard drive rather than solid state storage. I'm gonna -have to change that. I don't know what its power draw is. Probably a little -more than the Raspberry Pi, but I'm happy to be out of the hell that is -Raspberry Pi Linux distributions. More Rust stuff compiles on x86 than on -arm64. - -This is the best life has ever gone for me. It's not perfect but it is really -pretty good. I've been less down lately too. - -I think when I live alone I'm gonna go nocturnal and get a night job. I just -don't know what night jobs exist. Maybe I could find some way to work from -home. Home. I'm gonna have one. It looks like I could be a night stocker at a -grocery store. Hm. - -I'm really optimistic for the future. - -Looking back on this year is trippy. Maine feels like a bad dream. I can barely -remember 2022 so I probably won't do one for it. - -: the story so far (2023) - -Season 2: maladjustment -January -Episode 01: "breaking bad" - Trinity arrives from New York tired and near broke and starts looking - for ways to quickly make back its savings. It attends a party hosted - by one of its friends. -February -Episode 02: "speak" - The ongoing stress from arranging its get-rich-quick scheme causes - Trinity to start making people bark for it. -Episode 03: "the eye of the needle" - Trinity starts talking with someone new. [...] and [...] start looking - for an apartment. -Episode 04: "of an age" - Trinity tries marijuana for the first time. Trinity goes axe throwing - with someone from the party and the meetup goes longer than planned. -Episode 05: "mary jane" - Trinity realizes it's gonna need to move out of [...]'s and the - consequences of its get-rich-quick plan. Trinity starts smoking weed - habitually. -March -Episode 06: "phone baseball" - Trinity's marijuana habit gets cozy with her mental illness. Trinity - goes vegan and starts writing a book. -April -Episode 07: "isolation" - Trinity builds a new computer and moves in with [...] and [...] to help - pay the rent. -Episode 08: "trigger discipline" - Trinity discovers a dangerous new line of work. -Episode 09: "the void stares back" - M-- moves in with the party host from episode 1. Trinity starts - smoking and learns its wisdom teeth are growing in. [...] is fired. -May -Episode 10: "tablet baseball" - M-- and Trinity find a fun new way to destroy evidence of Trinity's - propaganda studies. M-- overworks herself to pay rent and starts - sleeping over at [...] and [...]'s. -June -Episode 11: "i got my tooth removed" - Trinity gets her wisdom teeth out and M-- pays Trinity back for her - computer. M-- and Trinity go to [...]'s. -Episode 12: "fuck teeth" - The drugs wear off and Trinity struggles to figure out how to treat its - wisdom teeth sockets, gets a dry socket, and is wracked with terrible - pain. M-- goes on a date. -Episode 13: "a hunger artist" - Trinity goes back to work before recovering from its wisdom teeth - surgery and struggles to find anything it can eat. M-- finds things of - theirs missing and suspects [...] is to blame. -Episode 15: "make it double" - M-- continues to overwork themself and go on dates with [...]. Trinity - goes to the train tracks to think, gets a second dry socket, and - realizes its wisdom teeth aren't healing. More of M--'s things go - missing. -Episode 16: "portland" - M-- and Trinity go to the Pride festival in Portland, meet some of - M--'s old friends, and realize they're stranded in Portland. M-- gets a - skateboard. -Episode 17: "see you tomorrow" - M-- goes to [...]'s and, overwhelmed by the situation in Lewiston, - stays there a while. Trinity starts talking with an old flame and gets - a scooter. -July -Episode 18: "seven" - Trinity realizes M-- isn't coming back and entertains leaving Maine - before having an epiphany at work and walking out. -Episode 19: "deadly" - Trinity keeps applying to new jobs but realizes it can't get a job in - the timeframe it needs. It turns to temp labor. Meanwhile, M-- tries - to leave [...]'s. -Episode 20: "sins" - Trinity finds a new, higher-paying job, with added risk, and buys - Greyhound tickets out of Maine. It starts talking with another new - person and has apprehensions about its work. -August -Episode 21: "sean and josh" - Trinity gets used to its job and starts downsizing, including giving - away its television collection. [...] and [...] start fighting about - their division of labor. -Episode 22: "one last time" - Trinity meets Usagi again before it leaves for Florida. M-- comes back - to Lewiston. -Episode 23: "the bus out" - Trinity nearly misses the bus to Florida. It spends a couple days on - Greyhounds and finally arrives in Orlando. -Episode 24: "the best week ever" - Trinity stays at its girlfriends'. -Episode 25: "stranded" - Trinity misses the bus back from Florida. -September -Episode 26: "fast forward" - Trinity narrowly makes it out of Florida before a tropical storm hits. - It goes back to Maine to pay off some debts. -Episode 27: "reunited" - Trinity meets M-- in Lewiston and begs for its fast food job back, but - gets hired on different terms. -Episode 28: "decay" - Trinity goes back to [...] and [...]'s but finds them in a domestic - spat and the apartment falling apart even worse than before. -Episode 29: "the first time the third time" - Trinity goes back to its usual job in a less usual place. [...] and - [...] get evicted. -Episode 30: "negotiations" - [...] and [...]'s landlord starts to threaten them for money. A - familiar coworker joins her new workplace. -Episode 31: "toni" - Trinity struggles to find a place to sleep. M-- breaks down. -Episode 32: "riverbanks" - Trinity makes improvements to Toni but struggles to stay cool, meets a - guy at work with an abusive girlfriend, and meets up with its high - school crush. -Episode 33: "no helmet" - Trinity takes increasing risks and puts in its two week notice. Toni - leaks in the rain. -October -Episode 34: "the postal service" - Trinity mails packages out from Maine and receives equipment for the - move. [...]'s girlfriend gets worse. [...] stops returning Trinity's - calls. -Episode 35: "live fast, die young" - Trinity relapses back into smoking. [...] and [...]'s car rusts out on - the highway. -Episode 36: "ramona flowers" - [...] breaks up with his girlfriend. [...] starts to get angry at - Trinity. [...] finds Toni's location. It starts to get colder. -Episode 37: "the great escape" - Trinity angers [...] to the point of his walking out and comes clean to - [...]. [...] visits Toni. Trinity boards the Greyhound to Illinois. -Episode 38: "transit" - After some days on a Greyhound Trinity finally arrives in Lincoln, - Illinois. -Episode 39: "carnality" - Trinity can't find food in Lincoln. [...] takes Trinity on a date. -Episode 40: "springs before winter" - Trinity finally makes it to a new place, meets its idols, gets a - library card, realizes it needs an address, and starts attending - Sangha. -November -Episode 41: "number four" - Trinity takes a familiar job in an unfamiliar place. [...] takes a - similar job. M-- struggles to find work in Maine. -Episode 42: "safe and sound" - Trinity struggles to adjust to comfort. -Episode 43: "in this economy" - Trinity, [...], and [...] struggle to pay rent. [...] and Trinity meet - a presenter after a talk at the library. -December -Episode 44: "what goes around" - Trinity starts to overwork herself to afford rent. M--, with a new job - and in a new place, starts to get antsy. -Episode 45: "comes back around" - Trinity starts to break down and limits its caffeine intake, realizes - it'll be able to afford to live alone and starts getting its paperwork - in order, and sprains its foot - -: the monster logs - -2023-12-16. This bus route is usually free. They lack the usual buses and so -use smaller buses that can't accomodate bicycles. But today it's seven quarters -and I believe this will persist. So I've paid my dollar and seventy five cents. -I'm going to work, but first Wallgreens (is that possessive? Wallgreen's? -Wallgreens'?). I haven't decided which Monster I'm gonna start with. I'm not -big on planning. Best to see what the future holds. This driver is taking his -time counting something out at his seat. I'm not big on being late. I won't be, -because I make sure to take the bus to work on a route where, if I miss it, I -can take the next bus and won't be late for work. But I don't like being later -to things than I plan. Best to be able to see what the future holds. This bus -is dirty, not in an unpleasant way but literally covered in dirt that has been -brought up on the exterior by splashing slush left over from snow. It's -unseasonably warm out and I'm still wearing my usual winter layers. I planned -poorly. I can't see out of the bus windows so I'm forced to look at the front -windshield to have my bearings. I don't like to do so in case the driver thinks -I'm looking at them and feels prompted to talk. I'm not big on talking. I'm a -little hungry, not sure why. I ate at the apartment, a peanut butter sandwich -and some oatmilk. Protein. I'm a little tired and I do know why, I slept enough -last night but not late enough, today's gonna be a long day. 1400-2230. Eight -and a half hours, boo hoo, but the part I dislike is working with the night -crew. Night crew is dirty in an unpleasant way. Their lazy approach to food -safety is disconcerting and their idea of fun is watching puppies decapitated -on Facebook while standing around until forced to actually labor. I'm not -particularly disturbed by cruelty but am by the work ethic and the slack which -I'm forced to pick up. I've been managing my will to death in healthier ways -lately but working with night crew, even the thought, makes me want to taste -the handle of a machete. I only took one caffeine pill today, 200mg, knowing -I'd supplement it with a Monster. The bus is nearly to my stop. I'm here at -work before work. My tray is dirty with old salt and oil because nobody here -knows how to do a damn dish. I got Khaotic at Wallgreens, confirmed to have no -apostrophe. It opened with a crisp snap and I'm holding it in my mouth. It -tastes a bit like fruit punch, better than fruit punch, some amount of citrus -to it. Another sip. Pineapple? Time to read the label. Blah blah blah no flavor -description. Ingredients. Battery acid, horse piss, orange, peach, tangerine, -pineapple, grape, chemicals to kill and sugars to addict. Plus caffeine, -another 160mg for the liver to chew on. Lunchtime. Shitty fries, less shitty -onion rings. Ketchup because I want to feel like a child again. Unrealistic, I -have friends. There are people who don't work here, who pay for this. Why? -There are no onions in the onion rings, just an onion flavored paste. Their -usual sauce for onion rings, some type of horseradish, has cow milk so I can't -eat it. Dropped a ketchup laiden fry, now there's sauce on my pants. Fucking -hell. Nobody here can make a sandwich to save their life. I asked for heavy -mustard. I wonder where it is. Probably a glob in the center. Or in a bucket -teetering on a door so it can fall on me like an office prank. I wish I worked -in an office. This sandwich is okay. Probably the sugar content is what makes -it bearable. And salt. I wonder if anyone who made this sandwich washed their -hands or even changed their gloves between handling raw meet and my lettuce. -The Monster is the best part of this meal by far. It doesn't take much. I'm -accompanied by Gorillaz' album The Now Now and awful Christmas music playing -over the speaker here. All hail consumerism. This Monster was something like -$3.50. The price makes me sick and so does this food. I wish I wasn't here. -The Monster has a sweet citrus tang. It's nice. Fuck you. 3 stars out of 5. -2023-12-17. The days go by so fast. Bloom by Radiohead off King of Limbs. I -don't know if I can justify $20/week on Monster. Whatever. Bus stop. I have a -metro card now. I couldn't figure out how to use it so I used quarters. Bus -now. This is a good song. Today's 1100-2100. Now's 0955. I'm sitting between -two seats like an asshole but there's nobody else on this bus so an asshole I -can be. I'm halfway through reading Kafka's In the Penal Colony. I've now -finished it. I want to fuck Franz Kafka so much it's unreal. I just realized -the bus announcement mispronounces one of the street names it passes, French -but pronounced as if English. The bus is clean today. It's now my stop. Now I'm -at work. I got the Monster at a Kum and Go but didn't take care to note the -price. Rehab: Wild Berry Tea. I've not had this one before that I can remember. -But first a large hash brown. I don't feel much of anything about it. This snap -of the can is less crisp. This is good stuff. I think I taste raspberry. -Strawberry? The tea for sure. Description label: none! Just some infographical -blurbs about vitamins, coconut water, electrolytes. Ingredients. Tea, apple -juice, ginseng, coconut water, acai, "natural flavors". I definitely taste the -ginseng and the apple, and the sweet aftertaste from the coconut. They're -playing Christmas music, shitty as always. This isn't carbonated and it's nice -and smooth, easily chuggable if so desired. I don't really desire anything -right now. This Monster sates my thirst nicely. 9 stars out of 10. -2023-12-18. My stomach hurts. I'm sitting in the apartment in my jacket but -without my boots. United in Grief, Mr. Morale and the Big Steppers, Kendrick -Lamar. Estrogen held under my tongue. Time to get going. I bought a ticket in -the app for the bus in case the metro card didn't work. The bus is free. -There's no way to tell whether or not the bus will go to a stop that's closer -to me instead of this stop down the street, today it is. My boots are cracked. -Lasted a month longer than the last pair of Docs I had but four months is -dogshit for a pair of boots, especially leather. A cow died for my feet to be -really comfortable for four months. I wonder if this issue is specific to the -service worker model 1460s because I don't see it on-line and people who -frequent Doc Martens on-line communities aren't the type to be employed. I -don't really want a Monster today but I'm gonna get one to try anyway. The -caffeine will help my energy. I've had my hash brown, time to have Monster -Ultra Strawberry Dreams, a mouthful but at least descriptive regarding the -flavor. The can is hard to open, I had to use a key as a lever. Purchased at -Kum and Go for like $3.25. First sip. It tastes like Ultra Zero, which I -haven't tried as part of this review series but with which I'm familiar as my -least favorite Monster flavor. Another sip. I don't really taste much -strawberry. Maybe an aftertaste. Description label. Stuff about strawberries -being aphrodisiacs or whatever. Awesome, I'm gonna fall in love with tiredness -and overwork. Ingredients. Citric acid, natural flavors, ginseng. Fucking mild -natural flavors I guess. It's bullshit that the FDA lets corporations get away -with listing "natural flavors" like that means anything. I guess if I drink a -lot of it the strawberry is more apparent but it's still not super noticeable. -I would prefer this to Ultra Zero the same way I would prefer a knife in the -shoulder to the kidney. I took my earbud out to have a conversation on the bus -but my usual coitus with my secret admirer silence is interrupted by the most -ear shattering, tone deaf Christmas music this restaurant can muster. Today's -gonna be a bad day and this Monster contributed, somewhat. 3 stars out of 9. -2023-12-19. The can opened crisply and easily. $3.31. I'm interrupted only by -paying patrons and Christmas music. The label. Nothing of significance, as -expected. A sip. It tastes bad. Not as bad as I remembered but still -unpleasant. A couple more. The level of indistinctness of the flavor comes -close to the disdain I have for it. Ingredients. Citric acid, chemicals, -"natural and artificial flavors", chemicals. What are artificial flavors, even? -Monosodium glutamate for umami, citric acid for sour, sugar for sweet. Two -other flavors I can't recall. Savory this is not, nor sour. Nor bitter, now -that I remember it. Only sickeningly sweet, not with sugar but with molecules -derived from it. Maybe there's lemon in the taste but I know it's just the -citric acid. This is Monster Zero Ultra, the subject of my loathing when it -comes to Monster flavors. I love the can design and love to drink it because -it's a fashionable accessory. This potion brings out not only my despite but -also my vanity. Boomer Monster memes feature it and I've had this while mowing -lawns and doing general unpaid but useful labor. Today is the day I will -tolerate this Monster enough to at least score it though give it a just review -I cannot because I am biased by years of trying to tolerate its overwhelming -fructose taste. I don't like this. 2 stars out of 10. -2023-12-20. $3.31 at Kum and Go again. When I was a kid I had four a day, now I -don't know how I could even afford that. The hash browns are greasier than -usual. I hold them up to the light and see the yellow oil glisten in the white -sun. The potato on the inside looks like albino maggots, little curds of -shredded spudd injected into the cheapest flour-like that could be found by -some company based in Orlando. My girlfriend lives in Orlando and it said one -of its favorites is Aussie Lemonade so I picked this up. As far as I know this -flavor is new, I remember seeing it for the first time in a gas station in the -middle of nowhere in the deep North where the attendant listened to country -music and had a deep Southern accent. Finished the festering potatoes. The can -was hard to open, dug into my fingertip. This is really good. Carbonated which -I didn't expect, lightly so and pleasantly. I taste the lemon, maybe some lime -too? A look at the description. Tartness - the fifth flavor - and sweetness. -Ingredients. Lemon juice. Shocking. This is really good lemonade, really good -as lemonade and not just as Monster. I'm worried this whole review thing is a -waste of money. "Death by a thousand papercuts". Rent has been budgeted and -utilities shouldn't be bad. Still, I worry, and Monster makes it worse. The -caffeine doesn't affect me anymore. What's the point? This Monster makes me -less drear but my doubts worsen. I don't know what effect this has on me. My -head swims with the weight of the world. Stress tightening around my -encephalus. I don't want to work today, but I will. I don't like this job but I -am tied to it for the foreseeable future. Ruby Falls by Guster off Ganging Up -on the Sun tries to help and doesn't. I'm tired and never sleep enough. Time -slips through my fingers like sand through a sieve. My stomach hurts, in part -from unease and in part from sugar. 10 stars out of 11. - - -/blah/2023-12-26.html - -I always took Kafka's Metamorphosis to be an allegory for suicide, with his -family dealing with his body. They grieve and move on; Mr. Samsa puts on his -work outfit, goes to the bank, Grete starts working, they house dormers to pay -some excess bills before finally deciding enough is enough and when Gregor is -gone moving somewhere cheaper. I reread it and think long and hard about it. - -I don't feel like I belong anywhere. My battery broke. My power cell, power -pack, power bank. Kicked the ol' bit bucket. Combined with caffeine withdrawal -mood swings. I had a razor I use for cutting fabric and I looked at it and -thought long and hard about it. Have you ever seen the movie Drive? I don't -know what I am going to do without a power cell. It saved my life, genuinely, -more times than I can count. - -What happened to Kafka? He starved to death. I think often about it. Am I -really so hungry? I look at the fat in my flesh. - -I'm tired. - - -/blah/2023-12-25.html - -: bonsai - -Emma Tebibyte (of tebibyte.media) and I have been collaborating (and by that I -mean fae has a lot of good ideas and I have been writing a lot of mediocre -implementations) on a core utilities suite called Bonsai. A lot of my own -coreutil implementations are leaving my own source tree and being incorporated -into there. - -I am not big into maintenance. Maintenance is boring. I strive to write -programs that don't need to be maintained. Bonsai is something that, I hope, -will not have to be maintained -- it will cover the functionality in section 1 -of POSIX and be done. I would like Bonsai to offer a POSIX interface despite -the tools being extremely different to prove its worth as being equal to or -better than POSIX. Also to make work easier for programmers who wish to support -Bonsai /and/ GNU or BSD or whatever. - -Bonsai's catchphrase or whatever is "seek what they sought". A lot of existing -UNIX utilities are very nice but also jank as hell. See test(1), dd(1) for -overly featureful programs. Test's `!` is identical to Sh's. dd file2 -is equivalent to cat file2 and tee file2 minus some buffering -shenanigans. Emma and I are in agreement on the fact that functionality should -be consolidated in some points and split into multiple programs in other points -and mostly in agreement about where those points are. - -I'm excited about Bonsai as a compatible improvement to UNIX and excited to -work with Emma on this because fae and I disagree on topics niche and -fascinating and our arguments are always interesting. Not in a Queen / The -Beatles / every rock band ever sort of way where the arguments are cool until -"You don't really care about the band!" but in a way where the disagreements -point out that while UNIX's tools were certainly opinionated on how to do -things, it's hard to say another opinion is objectively better. - -This is no sort of announcement, Bonsai is public already in -https://git.tebibyte.media/bonsai/coreutils and you can see the intcmp(1), -scrut(1), and other implementations of mine that have made their way over there -and been deleted from my own source tree. I intend to contribute as much as I -am able but am currently bogged down by the CONTRIBUTING necessitating GPG key -commit signing and my Alpine installation having weird issues with Assuan and -communicating with gpg-agent. It'll be nice to clear out this source tree junk -drawer and put all my dirty laundry out so the world can sniff the musks. I -encourage anyone reading this to file brutal issues and make me cry like a -little baby. - -Today is Christmas. Happy Christmas I guess. I'm Buddhist and can now use that -excuse not to celebrate whereas before, when not a believer in any religion, I -would still be expected by many to celebrate Christmas because of consumerism -or whatever. But also I don't know many people who would expect that of me -anymore. I just like Buddhism and excuses to talk about it. - -I would love to see Emma Tebibyte become the new Richard Stallman because fae's -just really fucking based. Everything Emma has to say is worth heeding whether -or not you agree with it. These coreutils might be the start of something the -same way GNU's coreutils were but in a way that isn't plagued with all the -baggage GNU and the FSF have had. - - -/blah/2023-12-24.html - - TRINITY STARTER PACK - >fucking hates its job - >UNIX - >loves its computer but only its own computer - >"I hate android but this battery life is killer" - >no unicode support in framebuffer tty, can't figure out wayland - >anti social, wishes it wasn't - >doesn't understand references to memes - >allergic to brands and advertising - >takes the bus everywhere - >will tell you why she doesn't like C - __________ - / _______ //| - / /|_____/ // | - / / /| |/ / // | | - / /_/|_|/| _/ //| | | - /_________ //_| || | -| ______ | /_/ / / -| | |/ / | | |/ / / -| | |/_/_| | |/ / -| |/_____| | / -|__________|/ - - -/blah/2023-12-23.html - -sleep invades my brain and blurs my vision so I see -not a single thing except my slowly invading dreams -sleep ponders the leaving of me to quickly sinking sand -in which i'll drown and dessicate, my rest forever as planned - -sleep takes over my system, the ELF replacing PID 1 -seconds tick by on a hardware clock, timing the mil'seconds gone -sleep and sleep all over again, do while true if true -caffeine will not stop my slow descent into my somnic hell - -sleep tortures my mind with terrible visions of futures to be -not a single thing of my dreams will give me a second of peace -sleep will drive its knife inside my chest and into my heart -stabbing by those who love me so my mind can tear me apart - -blah blah blah - -i'm at yule and have been up nearly 24 hours. wild it affects me so much. i -used to do 48 on 10 off. i think i'm gonna sleep now. good night. i love you. - -continued. - -no longer 0100. - -T1354. - -$ cat /etc/issue - We're in this together. -$ cat /etc/motd - Get down, make love. - -I don't know. - -I've had too much social interaction. - -You've had this happen before, haven't you? - Do you think I could have a glass of water? - Jesus Christ, I didn't realize we had royalty here. No. Get it - yourself. -For lack of a sink, for lack of glasses. - -You've had this happen before, haven't you? - I really need to take a break, I can't breathe. - You're lazy. You're just gonna ask for another break soon enough - anyway. -For lack of shade, for lack of sunglasses. - -You've had this happen before, haven't you? - Can I get a sandwich or something while we're out here? - We have food at home. Be patient. -For potato chips, for fruit snacks. - -How do you ask for what you want without fear of retribution? - You can't even get water yourself. - No instruction. - You're fat and need to lose weight. - No moderation. - You need to appreciate what you have. - No variety. - -I suppose at face value it sounds bitchy. Find water without plumbing, find -serenity in motion, find nutrition in processed snacks. I could do it now, -certainly. But I didn't know what a carbohydrate was until this month, maybe -last. Time flies faster as of late. - -I love ice cream even though I'm vegan. I met it on video call and we started -talking. I was so flustered at its appearance. It was gorgeous. That's the last -new people I've met. I can't remember how long it lasted the first time. I've -never had more than a first time before. I screwed up and I wasn't too proud to -admit it. - -After the first time around it all slipped through my fingers and I was lost in -purple haze and red stains. I replaced my shirts with ones easier to wash in -private and accepted the fate. Then one day I looked around and asked what the -fuck I was doing. - -Lost and found is as much a cycle as it is a bin. I lost hoodies often as a -kid, brain fog and scattering and forgotten fabric on a bench. The benches on -the playground were a brown shade of black with holes in them at offsets to not -form a grid but a maze of triangles. I used to play connect the dots with them -and pencils to leave lines of graphite on what was probably some refined sort -of plastic, make triangles out of the holes, then get back from recess and -still be thinking about triangles. All the kids thought I was obnoxious, and I -was. I had a desire for attention not fulfilled at home. Then the distraction -faded into a fog of isolation and the number of friends dwindled down to some -remaining on Instagram, a platform I loathed for its hidden algorithms dragging -many of those I knew into conspiracy theories I had helped create or others I -created singlehandedly, who were absolutely unwilling to move to a more open or -at least seemingly better platform. Then I moved anyway to the darker corners -of the Internet and in among those, unrelated except by topic of interest -(technology freedoms), I found the friends that remain friends to this day. I'm -leaving some things out so as to not write a book here. - -At some point I will just disappear. I know this will happen. I'll disappear to -a new life, new style, new identity, new country, and be gone without a trace. -I will die in the remote reaches of a far away landscape of a slow, painful, -lonely death. Nobody will be holding me as the light leaves my eyes, nobody -will appear to come from the heavens to embrace me and beckon me into my next -form of being. I will die, probably of some self infliction that I won't be -able to escape when I realize the gravity of what I have done and find my -regret. In my last moments I will wish things had been different, somehow, some -way. I will wish I took the time I have right now, in this very moment in the -present, to get my shit together. To see a therapist. Quit caffeine. Find a -better job. Get a studio apartment, make more friends, find roommates, go on -dates with my girlfriends, smile, laugh, feel comfortable around many others, -have neighbors, contribute to society both in terms of my employment and my -software I write not for myself but to improve the world, get older, keep -chipping into my 401(k), retire, grow old, cherish memories and make many more, -and die surrounded by those I love in a comfortably decorated room I couldn't -have occupied without the help of those around me. Beckoned to the beyond by -some engineered and pleasant psychedelic and Shine On You Crazy Diamond. - -I'm sitting in a fast food joint sipping a coffee and typing this. - -I learned not to ask for help from others or rely on anybody but myself at -every turn of my life, every leap of faith into which I fell and every shoulder -on which I leaned that pushed me away. I made missteps, more times than I can -count, but there were a lot of things that just weren't my fault and landed on -me anyway. I have not experienced this since leaving the place that made me. -But I know not to keep gambling after so many consecutive wins. That's why -every cautious step forward, every nervous but rewarded ask, every detail that -goes right, is a reminder that things will go wrong. Luck does not last -forever. - -I will disappear when I have no more for which to be here. No friends, -abandoned projects, dead end jobs and rent I can't afford. I am certain it will -happen and my friends are certain it will not. But I was friends with others -who were certain they would see tomorrow and didn't. That is how I think it -will end, not with a whimper but with a bang and more as the luck runs out and -cars strike, bullets pierce, fire roars or whatever other sequence of accidents -seizes the debt I own to balance, the odds swinging back around in luck. - -I am insufferable and therapy would fix this but I think I would get committed -if I went. It's irrational but I don't know if Kamikun would ever let me go. - -I don't think there's anything out there for me. That's the biggest reason I -would write my EOF byte. But why not wait and see what the future holds? - -I drank my last Monster. For real. There will be more caffeine, always. There -might be more romance with energy drinks. But I'm done Monster now, forever. -It's up to you to hold me accountable. Who am I kidding? Who reads this? Please -don't. - -I feel like a slut when I give people my website URL. - -I apologized. I wanted to visit its state, see it in person, so I could -apologize in person too. It could do whatever it wanted, I didn't expect to -stay with it or anything. Then instead of meeting in meatspace to reconnect it -happened on-line. And we got talking again. - -I listen to Slipknot because it was wearing a Slipknot t-shirt. That's the only -reason. I don't think I would have gotten into Slipknot if it wasn't for that. -I fucking love Slipknot, genuinely, and their music got me through some hard -times, hard decisions, absolute actions. - -I like it/its pronouns for me. I'm different from a she/her. She/her is fine. I -won't take offense, certainly less offense than being gendered male. But I like -it/its pronouns for myself. - -I genuinely love my girlfriends with all my heart and it's hard to imagine -anything short of it no longer being my girlfriends changing that. I loved it -when we stopped talking. I do regret that, I think. I don't like living with -regrets. I wasn't able to reconcile the hurt I had caused and my not being true -to myself. I thought I would hurt it more if we kept talking. I don't think I -would have. - -I'm polyamorous and with my other girlfriend we had a much shorter go of things -and I broke up because our relationship was overwhelming. I don't regret -breaking up with her because I still believe I would have hurt her more had I -stayed with her. - -Leaving my previous state is the best decision I ever made. Now that I am -constantly made aware, justly, of my bad habits and awful state of living, I -can start to fix it. There are a million things of which I wasn't even aware, -or of which I was aware but not of how to fix them, or simply those that I -didn't care to remedy. I put on black nail polish to stop biting my nails and -it's working. They're longer than they have been in probably a decade. I'm -sleeping well, still plagued with nightmares when I dream but I think they -might pass. I am the sun poking through the clouds before I disappear back into -pessimism and self loathing and I don't know how to fix that. I'll get there -someday. - -I criticize means of repair to flesh out technique rather than to be able to -ignore them. As a compulsion it is to be able to ignore them. But they keep -gnawing at my head past the initial repulsion. I don't criticize plans with -which I align but nor do I criticize plans that seem to me to be obviously -infeasible. - -I still can't interact with new people, though, except when forced to do so by -situation or as a means to an end, and when I do I am extremely uncomfortable. -I don't know if I can fix that, I don't know if I want to fix that. Baby steps. - -I hope my existing friends live forever. If our friendship doesn't, fine. They -deserve happiness and if that's the means to get there I hope I am tossed to -the side without grief. They deserve happiness and a long duration to have it. - __________ - / _______ /| - / /|_____/ / | - / //|| / //|| - / //||| _/ //||| - /_________ //_||| -| ______ ||_/// -| ||/// | ||/// -| ||//___| ||// -| |/_____| | / -|__________|/ I want to improve. - - -/blah/2023-12-21.html - -I have thought disorder that makes it really hard to convey the things in my -head into things expressed in text. One dimensionally. A string of characters. -Projecting the landscape of my mind is difficult in the same way drawing is. -Trying to force a two dimensional world into 128 characters. - __________ - / _______ /| I have this thing I like to draw, the frame of a cube. The - / /| ____/ / | edges of the cube, the spaces between the edges, and then - / //||| / //|| the edges behind those spaces. It's a practice in three - / //||||_/ //||| dimensional visualization. I can't do it. Every time I draw - /_________ //_||| the cube I draw it wrong. A line is where it shouldn't be, I -| ______ ||_/// made it inconsistent, some elementary mistake. I suppose a -| ||/// | ||/// lot of people couldn't draw the cube right the first time -| ||//___| ||// but I feel like I should be able to. That's how conversation -| |/_____| | / feels. One crucial thing is missing, one inconsistency, and -|__________|/ the whole thing is wrong, and I didn't notice it because it - was so hard to do the other edges. To make the thing link - up. I don't notice my own circular logic, my own - contradictions, and often others don't either. But when they - do they say I'm bullshitting them. Really it's the spaces in - between, the spaces I can't draw, drawn by the voids in my - head, that are bullshitting me. - -It's hard to communicate with others for it. - -Thought disorder is a symptom, not a disease, as I understand it, but I'm not -gonna read into it, at least publicly. I dissociate. I switch out sometimes or -lose myself in the words. I make word salad. I say things because they sound -good, not because they make sense. Et cetera. Fuck. I'm not continuing this. - -It's isolating. The very fabric of my mind is sewn wrong. Differently, yes. I -think similarly to some of my peers whose minds are beyond most. But wrong. -There are little threads that lead to the wrong areas of the cloth, stitches -too long and too short and some put in after, even, the weaving of the factory -to pull closed areas I'd like to have used. M C Esher head. - -i'm nesting - and spinning - and thinking - and turning - and tossing - and blinking - and rusting - decaying - and dying - et c. - - -/blah/2023-12-14.html - -: Ruminations - -Published here under the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial- -NoDerivatives 4.0 International Public License. - -Written over the last two weeks or so. Do not read this if you know me -personally and ideally do not read otherwise, either. Do not try to talk to me -about this. I'm not gonna kill myself. I just was ruminating about the idea. - -- -I've been thinking -about killing myself; -the coward's way out, -sure, but a way out -nevertheless. I really -want to die. I want to -feel it. I'd like to -drown, to immolate, -to bleed out. I crave -the subtleties of the -experiences that I -cannot fathom. In -my dreams I do; I -am chopped with -axes, -- -slain with swords, -various means of blunt -force. I am both -executed and executioner, -I experience all -perspectives -simultaneously as it -is my subconscious -that renders my -potential fates, and -in the moment I -am cruel, and in the -moment I am kind, -and as the one -- -to die I feel relieved -to go, to be able to -let go of my stresses -and fears for my -longed-for certainty. -I'm tired of the -lucky escapes, the -dei ex machinae. I -feel like a character -of fiction, the pulp -protagonist that -always improbably -makes it out of the -bind. Like my fate -- -is already written, -predestined; sometimes -I can even see the -lines ahead, Kami -knows sections by -heart. I just got -on the bus I wasn't -sure I could afford -and it was free. -Maybe I'm an angel, -compulsively -accomplishing -selfless miracles. -If so, to be an -- -angel is to be in -Hell. Condemned to -goodness. I am so -fucking stressed -because it takes -more and more work -for everything to just -work out. This -morning I thought -I was gonna break -down, actually just -break down. But -that's not in the -pages. -- -I want to be -alive and without -anaesthetic for -my dissection. I -want to see the -scalpel approach -my flesh, feel it -carve me and see -my own pink-dyed -subcutaneous fat. -The crimson viscera. -I want to taste my -own blood as I -succumb to -- -mortality. Done by -[...] or [...] or both. -In my scripted -demise will I -know commfort, will -I have known -comfort? Or will I -faint into a trench -and have the cold -work its way in -from the extremeties. -This morning I cried, -now my sadness had -hardened to a rich, -- -coffee-smooth -bitterness, a numbness -too. I can't keep -friends because I -never interact first, -see myself a burden. -The fuel that weighs -down the ship. Spend -me until you have -nothing left, be free -of me among the -stars. I arrived at -work an hour and a -half early. It's -- -nothing, the time ticks -on regardless. I hate -Christmas music. I am -so alone. [mi] [olin] [ala] [e] [mi]. -[mi] [ike] [tawa] [mi]. I wish to be -primitive, of the -forest, to be solitary. -I would be so lonely -without [...]. -I don't talk to the -people close to me -and to others I say -less. I want to taste -my blood. I want to -- -burn myself. I want -to die. But I don't -want to do it. My -friends depend on -me. And I have things -to write. When I am -done I will take my -leave. I want the -suffering to be over. I -want Nirvana. Nirvana -isn't heaven, it's simply -the conclusion to a -finite cycle of rebirth. -The conclusion to one's -- -suffering. - -I'd like to see -Chicago, California, -the Bodhi tree, the -sunrise from atop a -mountain, a molten -wall, the inside of a -flame, mucky clotted -blood. A chunk of -clot in a pool of -it. -- -It's not that I don't -know how to ask for -what I want but -that I know I only -get what is deserved, -not what is desired. -I am a parable; -beware of excess. It's -better that I don't -control my own fate -else I'd -meet it. I believe I -am have cancer because I -don't want to believe -- -I will live 60, 70 -more years, because -the best of those I -knew did not. When -I hear the Underscores -song I think, know -it too; Everybody's -dead and it's all my -fault. I don't have -the means to be vegan -in a way that is -healthy but I can't -bring myself to eat -dead animal; I've -- -caused enough harm. -I feel too old and -too young. I don't -know how to afford -rent. Not here, not -anywhere. I'd like -to become a Buddhist -monk. Burger King -coffee is bad but not -terrible. [tomo] [pi] [soweli] [moli]. -[mi] [olin] [e] [toki pona]. I am as much -an animal as a cow -and know beef as -fallen brethren. -- -I wish to harm and -not harm, to be -caged and free, to -be known and -Anonymous, to love -and to be forgotten. -Pass on my memories. - -I am so tired all the -time. Fatigued, weary, -sleepy. I need to -figure out how to get -an apartment. I need -a new social security -- -card. I want to die -because this work is -so hard and will get -harder yet. I want -to have a small -apartment with one or -two close friends full -of pillows and blankets -with a warm picture -tube and modded -Gamecube. How do I -make friends? How do -I afford an apartment -? -- -I do everything -wrong. When I am -praised it is without -sincerity, when I am -held it is without -catharsis, when I am -loved it is without -reality. To fall asleep -I think about cuddling -my girlfriend. I miss -my stuffed shark but -a stuffed shark will -not fit in a backpack. -Nor will aspirations. -- -[mi] [tawa] [tenpo] [suno] [ante]. [tenpo] [suno] [ni] [li] [ike] [lili]. [ni] - [li] -[ante] [tawa] [tenpo] [suno] [pini]. [tenpo] [suno] [ni] [la] [mi] [wili] [e] - [lape]. -[mi] [jo] [e] [lape] [lili] [tan] [tenpo] [mun] [pini] [la] [mi] [lukin] [e] -[jan] [moli]. [mi] [moli] [ala] [taso] [mi] [wili] [lukin] [e] [jan] -[moli] [tan] [mi] [wile] [moli]. [mi] [wile] [ala] [moli]. [mi] [olin] [moli] - [ala]. -[mi] [pakala]. [mi] [kama] [sona] [e] [toki pona]. [mi] [toki ike] [e] [toki - pona]. [o] [toki] [ala]. -I got a new pen today. A -Uniball Signo 207 with -"archival quality ink", "used -by professionals". It - and -this is evident in the notebook -in which I write this but -probably won't be if I -ever type it up - writes -- -shittily. Perhaps this is -due to the paper or to the -thin air where I now find -myself. Now it's writing fine -so who knows. I took the -pen apart just now, idly, -didn't have a good grip on -the tip that holds the -spring in, and the tension -released and the tip flew -to the other seat in the -booth of this restaurant. I -hate working here. -- -Today I'm less stressed -because I don't have to -catch a bus to my second -shift. The thought of my -finances still gnaws at -me and the walls are closing -in. The way I'm going isn't -sustainable and one way -or another, by homelessness -or breakdown, I will crumble, -inevitably. I'm not sure what -to do. I'm thinking about -getting a fake identity -and moving to the Balkans -- -or perhaps Kazakhstan. My -current location and situation -is, however, the result of a -similarly spontaneous and -far move, and I'm still -not established here. -My skin is dry. I guess that -wouldn't matter if I -killed myself. Homeless people, -with or without their senses, -are treated like animals. If -you treat people like animals -they will become animals. -The shelter here looks like a cage. -- -Perhaps that's what housing is, -a kennel for a human. The -decorations and dressing make -us forget it. I'm scared of -the future because I don't -know if I will survive it and -I don't want to die. I have -always had a problem with -biting my nails. I have an -oral fixation. I chew half -a pack of gum a day when -I can afford it. Three packs -and two Uniball Signo 207 -pens cost $10.46. -- -I worked an hour for them. -How many hours will I need -to work to afford rent? No -matter how many it never seems -to be enough. I'm scared all -the time since I started -feeling emotions again. I miss -being numb but I don't miss -being in the situations that -made me numb. Maybe I -just need to sleep. I can't -fall asleep without either weed -or watching people die on -my cell phone. -- -I saw someone decapitated -by the wheels of a train. -I wondered how bad it would -be to die that way. They looked -so happy on social media. I -try so hard to be kind to -everybody. It has been 2 days -since last I hugged anybody. -I feel so alone. I'm not, -but the being is different -from the feeling. I am sad. -My girlfriend won't text me -back. Its replies were sparse -when I was sleeping outside -- -because it was worried I -would die in the cold. The -people I love most in the -world don't believe I will -ever be successful. I think -I might. If I was -infinitely powerful I would -give the empty houses to those -that need them and an I.D. -to anyone that wanted one. -I would feed the hungry and -transport the travelers. I -would find somebody who -knows exactly how I now feel. -- -[tawa] [tenpo] [ante] -[ni] [li] [tenpo] [pimeja]. -[ni] [li] [tenpo] [ike]. [mi] [pakala]. [mi] [ike] [mute]. [mi] [pali] [moki] - [e] -[soweli] [moli]. [mi] [wile] [e] [ni]: [soweli] [moli] [ala] -[taso] [jan ike] [moli] [e] [soweli] [suwi]. [mi] [pakala]. -[tenpo] [suno] [ni] [la] [mi] [pali] [moku] [e] [soweli] [suwi] [moli]. [mi] - [pakala]. -[mi] [ike] [seme] [jan ike]. [mi] [pilin ike] [mute]. [mi] [pilin pakala]. [mi] - [ike] [tawa] [mi]. -[mi] [ike] [tawa] [soweli]. [mi] [ike] [tawa] [ma] [ali]. [mi] [ike]. [mi] - [pakala]. -[toki] [nimi Japanese] [la] [tu] [tu] [pi] [toki pona] [li] [moli]. [mi] - [pakala]: -[mi] [toki] [e] [ni]. [ni] [li] [tenpo] [nanpa] [tu] [tu]. -[ni] [li] [tenpo] [pimeja]. [ni] [li] [tenpo] [mun] [ike]. [mi] [pilin ike] - [mute]. -[mi] [toki]. [mi] [pakala]. -- -I've done abhorrent, horrible -things, and I don't know how -to make up for them. Killing -myself would be a start. -I wonder what it's like to -be dead. I wish there -wasn't rebirth. -- -i took the bus to work -i'm sorry -car just didn't start -the park -the gas tank full -the lighter -sorry -took the bus to work -i'm sorry -fifty year old man -i'm sorry -bandanna in a bottle -bandanna in a bottle -i drink til my tongue slips -i'm sorry -whatcha sorry for -i'm sorry -took the bus to work -and i think tonight i'm gonna let it hit me -he didn't see it coming -and his pace remained the same -eveloped in fire -did you feel anything? -i'm sorry for the slaughter -but god does my job pay -i bought myself a new car -but can't bear to fill the tank -- -[moli] [li] [pimeja] [e] [mi] -[pimeja] [soweli] [la] -[mi] [len] [e] [mi] [e] [ni] - -[mi] [wile] [e] [lape] -[mi] [wile] [mute] [e] [lape] -[mi] [wile] [mute] [e] [ni]: [mi] [lape] -[mi] [wile] [e] [lape] -[mi] [wile] [e] [pali] [lape] -[mi] [lape] [ala] -[mi] [wile] [e] [lape] -[mi] [pakala] -[mi] [pakala] -[mi] [pakala] -[mi] [pakala] -- -[tawa] [tenpo] [suno] [ante] -city square littered with corpses -vendors fallen at their stalls -bags spilled open, coins atwinkle -reflecting moonlight. earthly stars -if you cut one open the blood would be dark red -no oxygen in their system, hypoxia, death instant -civilians struck in a war of which they weren't aware -died for a growing number on a screen -children are among them, and in homes babies cribbed -a bus driver reading a dog eared copy of the tao te ching -four of a chosen family out of broken homes -taken from a cold street to new apartment, optimists -nobody mourns the losses. members of a town too small -in life they all were lovers. now inanimate -a flower sits in a cup, never to be watered again -in the face of inevitability, what has it all meant -city square declared a grave site -by nobody; nobody cares -a dog lays still on the cobblestone -its last experience fitful sleep, a nightmare -- -I'm tired. -- - -- -i don't believe in a god -and haven't since i saw a dog -skinned alive -a mess of dripping, florid blood -and muscle and bone -and it let out what screams -can be screamed with what function -its analog to our vocal chords -had left -and kept screaming -shaking, it hanged suuspended by rope -from an oak tree, perhaps maple -the twine brown matching the sand -and dirt and green leaves -and not the unnatural red -of the shivering animal -unable to comprehend even its fate -let alone what brought its aggressors -to take a machete to the starving, matted -thing. how could a merciful, good creator -allow one of her children to experience -such a thing, and not die upon removal -of the face? who would want to survive such -a thing? and especially, -if not only a god is our creator but -the arbiter of our fates, -why did she let someone record it and put it -on liveleak? why did she let me watch it -when i was 14? -- -The mountain, eons old -and wise for what it -has weathered, knows not -to abuse its unimaginable -strength. -The hornet, with a life cycle of days, is given an -appropriately small amount -of venom for its size and -stings unprovoked. -Blame neither. -They reflect the -kindness of their worlds. -- -hope you're doing okay -i'm about to sleep, worked a lot today -will we talk tomorrow? -of course we will babe -that was last month -was I ghosted? I really can't say -I might be single but -I hold onto the hope that it'll message again -what did I say -what did I do -I thought we had something -was it as real to you -how did I push -my dearest dear away -would you tell me if it was over? -was I really so unsafe? -- -do you remember me -i thought what we had was a lot - -i always think of you -am i just someone you forgot - -we've been dating for a bit -but goddammit, i sort of loved you - -when you curl up with [...], -my old plushie, do you think of what you lost - -god, i miss you, and i'm so alone -when i sleep i look at my phone -and look at you, comfy, under the sheets. -i hope the blankets don't make you too hot - -what did i do to justify a cold shoulder -what did i say to bring famine to my soul -will you return to explain your hiatus -or will you leave me to rot - -whatever it was, i'm sorry -and i hope you get back someday - -i keep thinking about the solace under the wheels of a train -do you think i'll feel any pain -- -i'm at the bus stop and freezing -do you get what i mean? -it's been a week since you called -am i still in your screen? -i think of you daily -or the bottomless pit -i wanna throw myself into -but that's just how i think -you got tired of me -as a loving girlfriend -faded novelty -and so much repetition -but i liked the routine -and you said it was your happy ending - -after every chapter there's another -is a better life what i'll get -no longer so trusting a lover -my heart aches, i should have guarded it -- -It said it loved me but -it hasn't responded to my -text messages in two weeks. -I suppose it's busy but I -haven't even had a single- -word update. It feels like -I'm being avoided. It hurts. -I really did love it. It's hard -for me to love. If it called -and apologized and made it -up to me I don't think it -would fix things. I feel -disrespected as a partner. -- -We're poly and I know -and have known it is seeing -someone else, and am and -have always been fine with -it. Someone else more -important to it. I was -thankful, really, and still am -that it received more than -only I could provide, a 20 -year old fast food worker. -I can't compare to its -college scholarships and -leadership roles. I never -wanted or needed to. -- -And I didn't ever call as -much as we planned and -I became more of a recluse -than the person it started -dating. But I've been to its -apartment. I took it on -dates, gave it its favorite -stuffed animal, formerly -mine. We don't have a -long history but we do have -a history. I don't even -know if we're broken up. -Tomorrow will be two weeks. -- -Nearly four months. I feel -doomed to never keep a -relationship longer than -four months. -I wish I had what it -takes to commit suicide. -- -[...] & [,,,] --> [...] & [,,,] - 9.7km $D -gas price ($G) - $/gal -gas price $g/gal * 0.264 gal / 1 liter -> mi / liter -mileage ($M) -> mi / gal -mileage $m mi / gal * 0.264 gal / 1 liter -> mi / liter -$m mi / liter * 1.6 km / 1 mi -> km / liter -- - -- - -- - -- -It messaged me back. -It too has been having -a rough go of things. -I'm in a downward -spiral. I hate this fucking -Christmas music. I use -gum to forget taste, gore -to desensitize sight, music -to ignore my ears, -cleaning work to burn my -nostrils, weed to feel -nothing and forget the -world of which I wish -I wasn't a part. -- -In fleeting moments of peace -I'm overcome by the beauty -of this simple place. Then -my head by the hair is -dragged back into the dark -mirror and I am once again -submerged in my own misery. -I want my face ripped off, -to drown in my own blood -as it's forced into my nose -by the tubes under my eyes, -to see in the mirror the -muscles that scarcely do -else but frown. -- -When people knock on the -bathroom door I get nervous -and leave and they always -look mad at me. Why? -I was doing what they wish -to do. Why not be sympathetic -to what we have in common --- a urinary tract, a digestive -system. I never take -very long. -I agreed to start coming -into work earlier. It felt -like signing my death -certificate. I'm so tired. -- -This job doesn't pay -enough. I work 50 hour -weeks to be able to -afford basic necessities, -many of which I still forgo. -I charge a battery pack at -work to avoid using electricity -in the apartment. I take -one short shower a week to -avoid water usage and -electricity for the water -heater. I use my phone -flashlight (charged at work -too) to avoid the overhead -lamps. -- -I spend a lot of time at -work. 6 days a week, 8-10 -hour days, some 6s around -so I don't get too much -overtime. I show up an -hour early. I spend about -half an hour on the bus, before -that half an hour at the -stop. Then another half -hour at the stop after work. -That's two and a half -hours I spend either at -work or commuting, plus -the usual 8. 2.6 * 6 = 13hrs + 50hrs working -= 63 hrs out of the apartment -- -Then I sleep 8hrs a night, -or at least set aside that -time for it. 56hrs a week. -I have 49hrs a week past -labor, transit, and sleep. -It's time but I wish I had -more. I and my loved ones -are aging. I wanna spend -the prime decades of my life -playing, creating, socializing. -All I do is labor, if not done -by me then someone else. And -I'm exhausted. -- -What makes matters worse -is that I have some innate, -compulsive need to labor if -on the clock as I am paid -to do. This while those around -me use their cell phones to -watch video and otherwise -idle. I work and they do -not and while I slowly -clean the workplace I -wonder, perhaps realize - though -I had already realized, so -moreso I just turn the -thought around in my head -- -like a dead pig's sausage -rotating on a warmer at a -gas station - why this -place is so dirty. -I want to go somewhere -clean, or to nowhere at all. -I want to love in a shallow -pool of water, in Lao-Tzu's -moon. I want to cease -living. I want to die. I -want to be killed. I want -to kill myself. Because then, -at least, the work will -be over. -- -The voices will quiet. I will -calm and my heart will be -still. I will be not too hot, -not too cold, without aching -muscles or aging joints. I -want this finity not as a -termination of my residence -per se but as a respite from -the Hell for which I -constantly volunteer. Many -lean on me; I lean on -nothing. Many know me. -I know nothing. I love many. -And in my heart know I am alone. -- -I watch a lot of -beheadings and it's -kind of a bummer -that they all focus on -the head and not the -body. The blood pouring -out of the neck as if -champagne -uncorked seriously -arouses me. I unironically -want to behead someone -and fuck their windpipe. -I want to be covered -in blood, someone else's -or my own. -- -I don't know what to -do with this notebook. -Who would want to read -this? What kind of -person would identify -with me? -I took my clothes off -and got in the shower -naked. I feel defenseless -when showering, especially -without a knife beside -me. I shampood my -scalp and conditioned -my hair -- -and I took the -washcloth and scrubbed -at my face but my -face was stuck too well -to my skull to be so -easily removed. I scrubbed -down my chest and arms -and legs and neck and -felt where I'd like someone -to saw at me, disconnect -my head from my heart. -I was thirsty but it -felt weird to drink the -shower water. -- -I'm scared of using soap -because it costs so much. -Scared of shampoo and -conditioner because they -cost so much. The -bathroom light and fan. -The water. I scrubbed -at my feet and the bottoms -were gray, the soles -padded with dead skin -because I spend all -my time walking. I scrubbed -at them but not too -much because I'll take any -padding I can get. -- -I finished and dried -myself with a towel and -got out of the shower -and felt lightheaded and -I don't know why. And -I put on clothes and came -out to the living room. -This is the last page of -the notebook and my -hair smells like lavendar -and my arms like -eucalyptus. And I'm sorry -for being here. At least -I'm finally clean. -- - -The notebook on which this was written will be incinerated and I will move on -from thinking about any of this. - - -/blah/2023-12-12.html - -Didn't have time to figure out how to set up TeX. Still don't. Don't have time -to explain. I'm so tired. I'm wearing raw. Like skin torn apart by a fall at -high speed onto a road. Flesh torn from bone, then bone itself ground against -sandpaper. My girlfriend stopped texting back two weeks ago. Marrow leakage. - -I'm at the bus stop and freezing -Do you get what I mean? -It's been a week since you called me -Am I still in your screen? - -I think of you daily -or the bottomless pit -I wanna throw myself into. -But that's just how I think. - -You got tired of me, maybe, -as a loving girlfriend -perhaps the novelty faded -into repetition. - -But I liked the routine -and I thought it was a happy ending. - -After every chapter there's another -is a better life what I'll get? -Or an ache in my side and -my catacomb cage quiet. - -I can't sleep anymore without watching people die on-line. I spend one or two -hours a night on watchpeopledie.tv and I've probably seen most of the videos on -the site, I made an account to track my viewing history so I don't watch the -same stuff over and over. I long to know what it feels like to drown, to burn -alive, to bleed out, to be crushed in the cogs of an industrial machine, to be -shredded, beheaded, to die alone in the cold or the heat or a swampy summer -day. I'm kept alive by decision paralysis and the bitter responsibility to make -the world a significantly better place than I found it. I'm so tired. - -I imagine, engulfed in flames, or at the edge of consciousness under the sea, -or within the swiftly closing steel maws of an unknowing automaton, or just -after the machete starts sawing, or at the second gush from the vein, or -simply looking at a dirty brick wall as the last sight on this plane, there is -a moment, brief but potent, of realization and acceptance of what has happened, -and that that one moment is the sweetest bliss of certain finity that could be -given to a mortal. Just a tick, one sixty-fourth of a moment in a snap. I hope -decades from now I can experience it and that it's as serene as I hope. - -I wonder if I'm just forgettable. Maybe that's all it is. I don't want to be -forgotten but I do. If my words fade into aether I want my kharma to persevere. - - -/blah/2023-12-10.html - -I feel alone and I wish I wasn't. - -I don't think Chimera has tex so I'll figure out how to compile it. - - -/blah/2023-12-03.html - -theater of years -10 George woke up behind the curtains on a mat at the same time as some of -the older folk. Two of them were rocking babies, one nearly a newborn and the -other slightly older. - -mod me - 1 Kaoru Akimoto - Dress Down - 2 Weezer - Beverly Hills - 3 Miki Matsubara - Mayonaka no Door / Stay with Me - 4 Blood Red Shoes - It's Getting Boring By The Sea - 5 Talking Heads - Psycho Killer - 6 Penelope Scott - Cigarette Ahegao - 7 Fall Out Boy - Thnks fr th Mmrs - 8 Crystal Castles - Courtship Dating - 9 Junko Yagami - [kanji] no BAY CITY - 10 Ben Folds - Bitch Went Nuts - This is from the Ben Folds album Way to Normal. I went to the -titular Normal on my way to Lincoln and its Amtrack station was just excellent. - 11 I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - Sugar Pills - 12 Violent Femmes - Blister In The Sun - 13 I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - Leave Me Alone - 14 MGMT - She Works Out Too Much - 15 Weezer - Ain't Got Nobody - 16 Gorillaz - Tranz - 17 Steve Lacy - Dark Red - 18 Fall Out Boy - American Beauty/American Psycho - 19 Richard Cheese - Gin & Juice - 20 Liza Anne - I Love You, But I Need Another Year - 21 C418 - Mellohi - 22 Led Zeppelin - Immigrant Song - 23 Worthikids - Up - 24 Austin Weber - Mamma Mia - 25 Her's - Speed Racer - 26 glass beach - cold weather - 27 Machine Girl - Athoth a Go!! Go!! - I've seen them live and it was with the exception of Knocked -Loose the best pit I'd ever been in. - 28 Elvis Costello & The Attractions - Pump It Up - 29 Tally Hall - Cannibal - 30 Oinga Boinga - You Really Got Me - 31 Minus the Bear - My Time - 32 Red Hot Chili Peppers - Californication - 33 Gotye, Kimbra - Somebody That I Used To Know - 34 TeddyLoid - Fly Away - 35 Gorillaz, Beck - The Valley of The Pagans - 36 Weezer - Hash Pipe - 37 nelward - Ghost - This plays on King Possum radio every so often. - 38 Magdalena Bay - Killshot - 39 Electric Wizard - Funeralopolis - 40 Tessa Violet - Wishful Drinking - I saw half alive live in Boston and Tessa Violet opened. It was -kind of uncomfortable because while I am into women and I think Tessa Violet is -also into women her stage presence wasn't really anything I was into nor -anything with which I strongly vibed. Maybe it's just something for those who -are younger than I. - 41 R.I.P. - 1-800-Sins - 42 Talking Heads - Road to Nowhere - 43 Eyeless in Gaza - Seven Years - 44 my bloody valentine - Lose My Breath - 45 The Cure - Play For Today - 46 Marina and the Diamonds - Venus Fly Trap - 47 Cyclope - L'hymne a l'amour - Minus diacritical marks. - 48 IVE - ELEVEN - 49 Superorganism - Something For Your M.I.N.D. - 50 Marina and the Diamonds - Bubblegum Bitch - 51 Marina and the Diamonds - Primadonna - 52 ATARASHII GAKKOI - Pineapple Kryptonite - 53 Mareux - The Perfect Girl - -christmas music - 1 100 gecs - sympathy 4 the grinch - 2 I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - Merry Christmas Everybody - 3 Gorillaz - Broken - 4 Gorillaz, Bootie Brown - Dirty Harry - 5 Tears For Fears - Everybody Wants To Rule The World - Coincidentally, I received a Tears concert ticket for Christmas -from either my roommate or his family last year or so. - 6 Wham! - Last Christmas - 7 My Chemical Romance - All I Want for Christmas Is You - 8 Roar - Christmas Kids - 9 Mother Mother - Hayloft - 10 Misfits - You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch - 11 Paul McCartney - Wonderful Christmastime - 12 John Lennon, Yoko Ono - Happy Xmas (War Is Over) - Found on /f/. - 13 Epic Rap Battles of History, Snoop Dogg - Moses vs Santa Claus - 14 K.able, Hatsune Miku - Santa-san wa ROKUDENASHI - 15 Jose Feliciano - Feliz Navidad - 16 Mag.Lo, O Super - Never - 17 Vierre Cloud - moment - 18 Gorillaz - DARE - -batteries included - 1 LVL1 - FVN! - 2 TANUKI - Babybaby No Yume - 3 TeddyLoid - Fly Away - 4 Vierre Cloud - moment - 5 Grimes - Shinigami Eyes - 6 Perfume - Electro World - 7 3l3d3p - lbitbt - 8 100 gecs - bloodstains - This playlist is loosely copied from Usagi's Welcome to Hell -Spotify playlist which I won't be putting here. It accompanied me in 2021 and -2022 but I mainly associate it with my senior year of high school which felt -very fast and very loose and had a lot of parts where I thought I wasn't going -to survive to 18. - 9 plasterbrain - Nimbasa CORE - 10 Honey Claws - Digital Animal - I can't see the dates on Spotify for Android and I can't use -the web browser open.spotify.com for lack of WideVine on Firefox for the -Raspberry Pi nor the Electron app for lack of a lot of things but this is -definitely from 2022 or so because I recalled this song talking with a coworker -who mentioned this was in Breaking Bad. - 11 100 gecs, Fall Out Boy, Craig Owens, Nicole Dollanganger -[...] - The artist credits overflow so hard none of the title can be -shown. This is the Fall Out Boy cover of hand crushed by a mallet by gecs. - 12 Hoshina Anniversary, Kodai of KinKieS - EPTM - 13 TeddyLoid - Theme for Scanty & Knee Socks - 14 TeddyLoid - Corset Theme - 15 100 gecs - mememe - 16 Ado, TeddyLoid - [kangi] no piero - TeddyLoid Remix - 17 Mitsunori Ikeda, Aimee B - Fallen Angel - 18 Grimes - Kill V. Maim - 19 Bring Me The Horizon, BABYMETAL - Kingslayer - When this song leaked it leaked as When Will We Be Free and -Kingslayer tied into a single MP3. It may be my favorite of both bands' work. -I looped it while playing through GZDOOM on my Thinkpad T420 on a really nice -NEC SyncMaster or something like that 70Hz LCD display. - 20 The Living Tombstone - Five Nights at Freddy's - 21 Danny Brown - Ain't it Funny - 22 clipping. - Story 2 - 23 Zack Fox - fafo - I always associate Ain't it Funny / Story 2 / fafo with each -other as a series of tracks. Or maybe in the reverse of that order. It makes -sense lyrically and rhythmically and the first time I heard them was something -like that order in the car with Usagi coming back from the bagel place. - 24 Mitchie M., Hatsune Miku - ageageagein - Transliterated from katakana. - 25 Badflower - Girlfriend - I've seen Badflower live but I didn't think the track selection -of the set was that great - he opened for My Chemical Romance in September -2022, the day the Queen of England died (REST IN PISS IMPERIAL FUCK). - 26 Pisse - Fahrradsattel - 27 The Moldy Peaches - Little Bunny Foo Foo - I really love the video vewn did to accompany this song. My -only cotton T-shirt is vewn merch that I got for Christmas from Usagi, I've -seen all their videos on recommendation from Usagi and they're one of if not my -favorite animator. - 28 LIZ - When I Rule the World - 29 Slayyyter - Hello Kitty - 30 Kyary Pamyu Pamyu - PONPONPON - I can't help thinking of the awful webm Pomf Pomf Pomf when I -think of this song but I really love the song. - 31 Fandroid! - You Signed a Contract - Cuphead music is a nice niche. - 32 Laura Les - Haunted - 33 WAKUSEI ABNORMAL - furare [kanji] - 34 Sidhu Moose Wala - Mafia Style - 35 Magdalena Bay - Mercurial World - 36 quiizzzmeow, Midix - KATANA - 37 Poppy - All The Things She Said - Lily (the one from Maine whom I kin) hates this cover and only -likes the original track. - 38 Poppy - Fear of Dying - 39 Mindless Self Indulgence - Bitches - 40 Ck9c, Elizabeth Ann - You Can't Hide - 41 Sleeping With Sirens - Better Off Dead - 42 Marina and the Diamonds - Homewrecker - When I came back to Maine from Florida and got another Burger -King job I met this dude named Austin and told him, slowly over the course of -many shifts, about how I was going to move across the country on a whim and -that he should live for pleasure and be unafraid of taking risks. He also had -a seemingly abusive girlfriend with whom I encouraged him to break up because -she was seemingly abusive - she threatened to commit suicide when he brought up -maybe taking a break or something, made him cut off contact with his friends -and forbid him from talking with any other women, and just generally seemed -very controlling. He didn't wanna break up with her because he didn't want to -Be Single, as if that was a sordid label. I said honestly man I would rather be -single than be in that relationship. Since that, I associate this song with my -own actions. I didn't fuck him though. Not my type. - 43 Marina and the Diamonds - Power & Control - 44 Mindless Self Indulgence - What Do They Know? - 45 Coco & Clair Clair, Okthxbb - Pretty - I used to play this song while doing reprehensible things to -others while also wearing really nice outfits. My goal was to give at least one -guy a humiliation fetish while I beat the shit out of him. - 46 Breathe Carolina - Blackout - I will black out, actually - I always fall asleep 1-2 hours -after getting high. I don't get enough sleep. - 47 t.A.T.u. - All The Things She Said - 48 Poppy - Girls In Bikinis - One of my sidekick's best catchphrases is "God I love women". -Same, bestie. - 49 100 gecs - money machine - 50 TeddyLoid, Giga, LOLUET - desperate - Translated from katakana. - 51 JVNLIII - Physical Self - 52 Rebzyyx, hoshie star - all I want is you - -Disassembled my GitHub; deleted the last few remaining repositories, made my -account private, and changed the username to trn1ty as well as cleared some -info boxes. Fuck proprietary services. - - -/blah/2023-12-02.html - -depression sterilized - 1 Lipps Inc. - Funkytown - The first time I heard this song I was probably very young and -listening to 70s radio on a real, FM radio, which is now somewhat rare in a -world of Spotify (the platform on which I made this playlist in 2015-2017) and -FLACs. But I grew up with this song on Windows XP, using the On-Line Radio -feature in Windows Media Player to stream Laut FM, which I think is a German -radio station. Laut's cut of Funkytown was, in my faint decade-since -recollection, only the verses and not the choruses? Which seems wrong but is -what I remember. I would play PrxCraft, Project X Craft, I think named after -Project X Zone, a popular video game, which was at the time still administered -by KevinEssence. After he lost a lot of money gambling in CsGoLotto or whatever -it was he sold the Minecraft server to some other entity and it passed through -many hands and lost value each time, much like Tumblr. PrxCraft had Factions, -essentially typical Survival-mode Minecraft, and I think some other cool game -modes, but my favorite was Skygrid which left you on a grid of blocks in the -sky to slowly find resources and build out an almost normal-looking farm. - Microsoft Windows XP had, and later Windows didn't, the ability to -place the music controls on the taskbar itself for Windows Media Player so you -could control the music from any other app. It was snazzy stuff at the time -though Linux kids were doing way cooler stuff. - 2 Pink Floyd - Time - 3 I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - Do It All The Time - 4 Paramore - Hard Times - 5 Nena - Irgendwie, irgendwo, irgendwann - 6 Eagles - Hotel California - 7 The White Stripes - Seven Nation Army - 8 Bobby "Boris" Pickett, The Crypt-Kickers - Monster Mash - 9 Gerard Way - Baby You're a Haunted House - 10 Elvis Presley - Can't Help Falling in Love - 11 The Andrews Sisters - Rum and Coca Cola - 12 Guster - Great Escape - 13 America, George Martin - A Horse with No Name - 14 The Beatles - Eleanor Rigby - 15 Bob Dylan - All Along the Watchtower - 16 Horace Silver - Song For My Father - In high school I had a crush on a jazz band bass player and at -a band concert the jazz band played this song with his part very noticeable and -some improv near the end. I wanted to know the song well so I could impress him -somehow by knowing of it. High schooler logic. I did eventually get with his -twin brother through a very complicated and convoluted chain of happenings -nobody really expected. - 17 Steve Miller Band - Fly Like An Eagle - 18 M.I.A. - Paper Planes - 19 R.E.M. - Crush With Eyeliner - I had this tape which is why I love this album so much. My cell -phone died whenever it got chilly, which is a common occurence in Maine, but my -Walkman kept trudging through whatever I threw at it whether rain, sleet, or -snow. My first tapes were (in this order) Blue Hawai'i, Monster, Awesome Mix -Vol. 1, and Goldfly. The first two found at a thrift store along with a shitty -wowing cassette player (which I scrapped soon after purchasing) and the second -two I wrote to tape by first burning CDs and then using a Sony combination -boombox. - 20 Genesis - Land of Confusion - This was my Current Events teacher's favorite song. - 21 The Moody Blues - Nights In White Satin - 22 The Licks - Lavender Kiss - This was the favorite song of an Anonymous person I was talking -to on-line. They were in my area, I think, but we never met. - 23 R.E.M. - I Don't Sleep, I Dream - 24 Peking Duk - Wasted - 25 The Postal Service - Such Great Heights - I got this out of a LinusTechTips YouTube video about making -art for one's self and the love of creation. - 26 Childish Gambino - Sober - 27 Portugal. The Man - Feel It Still - 28 Caroline Rose - Soul No. 5 - She opened for Guster and I bought the tape of Loser. Really -good album, I used to stay up late to listen to it. - 29 The Beatles - Helter Skelter - I saw Marilyn Manson and Rob Zombie sing this together on the -second Twins of Evil tour. - 30 Charli XCX, Troye Sivan - 1999 - 31 AWOLNATION - Table for One - They opened for Panic! at the Disco. - 32 The Killers - Mr. Brightside - 33 Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc. - 34 Credence Clearwater Revival - Fortunate Son - 35 Flatsound - If We Could Just Pretend - I've probably cried to this song more than half the times I've -heard it. The guitar tabs are easy and I've cried while playing it, too. - 36 Justice - D.A.N.C.E - 37 Dire Straights - Money for Nothing - 38 Beach Bunny - Prom Queen - 39 Kero Kero Bonito - Flamingo - 40 Michael Gray - The Weekend - 41 Skeeter Davis - The End of the World - Heard on 1470 WLAM but also as the end song in Granite Flats. - 42 Miki Matsubara - Mayonaka no Door / Stay with Me - 43 half alive - still feel. - 44 Radiohead - Videotape - This song fills me with raw emotion and I can't bear to listen -to it anymore. I skip it when it comes on after the rest of In Rainbows. - 45 Elton John - I'm Still Standing - -I'm deleting my Spotify. No more proprietary services. - -++work - 1 Daft Punk - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger - I impressed the rest of the kids at science camp by making our -Lego EV3 bot play this song while doing the rest of what it was supposed to be -doing. This playlist was my learning to program playlist. - 2 Boney M. - Rasputin - 3 TOTO - Africa - 4 Dizzee Rascal, Armand Van Helden - Bonkers - I got this from a Rick and Morty trailer. This felt really real -to me because by this point I had done some jarring stuff on the Internet. - 5 Guster - Great Escape - I love this song. - 6 Bob Dylan - All Along the Watchtower - 7 Creedence Clearwater Revival - Fortunate Son - 8 Justice - D.A.N.C.E - 9 Michael Gray - The Weekend - 10 Oliver Tree - Fuck - I loved Oliver Tree who was recommended to me by a friend in -Saudi Arabia. I heard he took tabs of his music off some guitar sites recently -though so that's a bummer. - 11 Sex Bob-Omb - Garbage Truck - I've seen the 2010 movie Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World many times -and love it. Haven't read the comic or seen the anime though. - 12 Rob Zombie - Living Dead Girl - 13 Joan Jett & the Blackhearts - Bad Reputation - The theme for Freaks and Geeks. - 14 Metric - Black Sheep - 15 Blood Red Shoes - It's Getting Boring By The Sea - 16 Rob Zombie - Dragula - 17 R.E.M. - Let Me In - 18 R.E.M. - I Don't Sleep, I Dream - 19 Gerard Way - Baby You're a Haunted House - 20 Tears For Fears - Everybody Wants To Rule The World - Tears For Fears is still rocking. I went to a recent tour and -they were awesome, their latest album is also really good. - 21 Weezer - Thank God for Girls - 22 Weezer - Island In The Sun - Usagi's favorite Weezer song. - 23 Yung Bae, Natvnomvzik - Bae City Rollaz - 24 Night Tempo - Koi - 25 T. Rex - Teenage Dream - 26 Gloria Gaynor - I Will Survive - I also love Cake's cover. - 27 Weezer - Jacked Up - 28 Arctic Monkeys - No Buses - Recommended to me by Usagi. So was Flatsound now that I think -about it. At first I thought she was talking about the band No Buses who I -remember liking too but I haven't heard them in a long while. - -caffeine - 1 Japanese Breakfast - Planetary Ambience - I found this playlist as an Evangelion-themed playlist on -Spotify and stole it. I'm unfamiliar with most of these artists. - 2 Wishing - Emptiness Is a Closet Full of Your Old Clothes - 3 eevee - early mornings - 4 Beach House - Space Song - 5 Alex G - Sportstar - 6 Dan Deacon - When I Was Done Dying - 7 Little Dragon - Crystalfilm - 8 The Knife - I Just Had To Die - 9 Radiohead - How To Disappear Completely - 10 Anamanaguchi - Planet - 11 Explosions In The Sky - Your Hand In Mine - 12 Anamanaguchi - Endless Fantasy - -meister'd - 1 Yoko Takahashi - The Cruel Angel's Thesis (Director's Edit[...] - Usagi made this playlist for me. I made one for her, too. - 2 The Moldy Peaches - Anyone Else But You - 3 Roberta Flack - Killing Me Softly With His Song - I used to listen to this at work. Flack's album of the same -name is really good. I've never been able to listen to this full playlist -without crying. - 4 Vicke Blanke - Slave of Love - 5 Unknown Mortal Orchestra - Ffunny Ffrends - 6 Roland Faunte - Hand Over Hand - This was the first playlist I'd download when putting Spotify -on a device. That way if I lost Internet access I could still hear it. - 7 Tally Hall - You - 8 Jack Stauber - Coconut Ranger - 9 Sunbeam Sound Machine - In Your Arms - I haven't seen Usagi in some months now. I miss her. We text. - 10 Grandaddy - A.M. 180 - We're just friends now but very, very good friends because we -shared a lot of time together. Usagi's like a sister to me. We always imagined -we'd someday be crochety old-timers rocking in chairs on our porch yelling at -the dang kids to get off our lawn. - 11 Crywank - This Song Title Was Too Long (So Now It's Shorter) - Usagi's the second person to which I came out. - 12 The Drums - Money - Usagi was my pet name for her and she had one for me. I use the -pseudonym out of respect for her privacy - she's as privacy conscious as I am. - 13 Jinsang - Smile from U. - 14 Car Seat Headrest - It's Only Sex - 15 Sex Bob-Omb - Garbage Truck - Usagi's car used to be a big, loud Volvo minivan which handled -poorly and took a lot of skill to drive. She's a damn good driver. - 16 The Growlers - Rare Hearts - 17 Mitski - Goodbye, My Danish Sweetheart - 18 The Voidz - Human Sadness - 19 Lustt - Pillow Talk - We would get sushi together at the supermarket in Auburn. Last -time we did I broke down sobbing in her car because I knew it wouldn't happen -again. I'm half a country away now, also vegan but I guess we could have Oreos -if we went out again. She moved too though. - -burger emporor - 1 Weezer - Mirror Image - 2 Weezer - Undone - The Sweater Song - 3 Weezer - Buddy Holly - 4 Weezer - Beverly Hills - 5 Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea - 6 Dropkick Murphys - I'm Shipping Up To Boston - As a former Mainer I'm used to thinking of Boston as South. - 7 Mother Mother - Hayloft - 8 Mindless Self Indulgence - Never Wanted To Dance - This music video made Dance Dance Revolution look Intense. - 9 Mindless Self Indulgence - Shut Me Up - 10 Weezer - Pork And Beans - 11 Twenty One Pilots - Level of Concern - Technically I was in this music video. - 12 Twenty One Pilots - Morph - 13 100 gecs, Charli XCX, Rico Nasty, Kero Kero Bonito - ringtone - 14 Bring Me The Horizon, YUNGBLUD - Obey - 15 LMFAO, Lauren Bennett, GoonRock - Party Rock Anthem - 16 Death Grips - Get Got - 17 Black Eyed Peas - Pump It - 18 AC/DC - Highway to Hell - 19 Rob Zombie - Living Dead Girl - 20 Michael Gray - The Weekend - 21 Smash Mouth - All Star - 22 Tape Five - City of Lights - On a High School band field trip to Virginia the other trombone -player couldn't sleep without listening to metro jazz or whatever so I got used -to it. It's good stuff and wasn't a problem, usually I just fell asleep to a -Saw movie or at the time probably Bloodnun. - 23 Weatherday - Come In - 24 Shiro SAGISU - Fly Me To The Moon - Instrumental Version - 25 Tally Hall - Ruler of Everything - 26 Tally Hall - Banana Man - I discovered Tally Hall through this music video which was -uploaded as a .swf to 4chan/f/. - 27 Le Tigre - Deceptacon - 28 Plustwo - Melody (1983 Club Vinyl Remix) - 29 A/V Heroes - Pretty Pink Television - I met the lead singer through, I think, Instagram, maybe a meme -page - @ifuckinghatestuartlittle or something. Really cool guy. - 30 Cypie - Gdzie jest bialy wegorz ? (Zejscie) - Minus the diacritical marks. I don't have a compose key. - 31 Jim Croce - You Don't Mess Around with Jim - 32 Dolly Parton - 9 to 5 - 33 Kenny Rogers - The Gambler - 34 100 gecs - stupid horse - 35 Brooksie - Not Into You - 36 Fall Out Boy - THnks fr th Mmrs - 37 Tally Hall - Turn the Lights Off - 38 Frank Sinatra - My Way - 39 Carpenter Brut, Yann Ligner - Maniac - 40 Frank Sinatra, Count Basie - Fly Me To The Moon - 41 Frank Sinatra - That's Life - 42 Jim Croce - Time in a Bottle - 43 MGMT - She Works Out Too Much - 44 The Beatles - And Your Bird Can Sing - 45 The Beatles - Drive My Car - 46 The Beatles - I'm Looking Through You - 47 Thundercat - Them Changes - 48 Freddie Scott - (You) Got What I Need - 49 The Animals - House Of The Rising Sun - 50 America, George Martin - 5 O'Clock World - 51 Eagles - Hotel California - 52 The White Stripes - Seven Nation Army - 53 Bob Dylan - All Along the Watchtower - 54 Steve Miller Band - Fly Like An Eagle - 55 Creedence Clearwater Revival - Fortunate Son - 56 half alive - still feel. - 57 Skeeter Davis - The End of the World - 58 Elton John - I'm Still Standing - This was my Burger King playlist, before I got transferred the -first time. - 59 Billy Joel - Zanzibar - 60 The Strokes - The Adults Are Talking - 61 The Strokes - At The Door - I found The Strokes because Drew Gooden recommended them in a -YouTube video. - 62 Dead Poet Society - .getawayfortheweekend. - I later did what this song described. - 63 Dead Poet Society - .georgia. - Dead Poet Society's song titles remind me of BSD Make -extensions. - 64 Teddyloid - Fly Away - 65 Hoshina Anniversary, Kodai of KinKieS - EPTM (Booty Bronx [...] - 66 TCY FORCE, Mariya Ise - CHOCOLAT - I tried to find more Mariya Ise but I think the only other -stuff she's done is voice acting. - 67 Teddyloid - Corset Theme - 68 TCY FORCE, Emyli - Champion - 69 Mitsunori Ikeda, Aimee B - Fallen Angel - 70 Weezer - Hash Pipe - 71 Carly Rae Jepsen - Call Me Maybe - 72 Vierre Cloud - moment - I can't listen to this song without thinking about winter 2020 -where at many points I thought I was going to freeze to death on walks between -my parents', school, and work. - 73 Gotye, Kimbra - Somebody That I Used To Know - 74 The Beatles - Helter Skelter - 75 ABBA - Mamma Mia - 76 Paramore - Misery Business - 77 Linkin Park - One Step Closer - I 100%ed this on Expert on Guitar Hero for the Nintendo DS. I -also used this as a backing track for my YouTube clip where I shot a grenade -mid-air with a sniper rifle in Combat Reloaded, a CounterStrike ripoff for the -web browser. - 78 Radiohead - 15 Step - 79 Radiohead - Electioneering - 80 Glen Campbell - Southern Nights - 81 Sweet - Fox On The Run - 82 MGMT - Little Dark Age - I got this out of Nazi propaganda on /b/ or /gif/. - 83 Daryl Hall & John Oates - Out of Touch - 84 The Cardigans - Lovefool - Radio Edit - 85 Polarkreis 18 - Unendliche Sinfonie - Found on /f/. - 86 Junko Yagami - BAY CITY - I can't read the kanji, it's [something] no BAY CITY - 87 Gloria Gaynor - I Will Survive - 88 Outkast - Hey Ya! - 89 Sean Kingston - Eenie Meenie - 90 Fall Out Boy - Dance, Dance - 91 The All-American Rejects - Dirty Little Secret - 100%ed on Expert on Guitar Hero for the Nintendo DS. - 92 Nelly Furtado - Maneater - 93 The All-American Rejects - Gives You Hell - 94 Avril Lavigne - Sk8er Boi - 95 Estelle, Kanya West - American Boy - 96 Gwen Stefani - Hollaback Girl - 97 Lady Gaga - Bad Romance - By this time I had definitely transferred to the other Burger -King. This was one of my old kitchen manager's favorites. Spot the red flag. - 98 Katy Perry - Hot N Cold - 99 Toploader - Dancing in the Moonlight - 100 Steven Universe - Let Us Adore You - 101 3l3d3p - lbitbt - 102 The Living Tombstone - It's Been So Long - 103 The Living Tombstone - Five Nights at Freddy's - 104 Mindless Behavior, Diggy Simmons - Mrs. Right - 105 Mag-Lo, O Super - Never - This I also associate with nearly freezing to death. - 106 plasterbrain - Nimbasa CORE - 107 Kesha - TiK ToK - 108 Ashnikko, Hatsune Miku - Daisy 2.0 - 109 The Beatles - With A Little Help From My Friends - 110 Boney M. - Rasputin - 111 Sex Bob-Omb - Garbage Truck - 112 Tears For Fears - Shout - 113 Elvis Presley - Can't Help Falling in Love - 114 The Beatles - Eleanor Rigby - 115 M.I.A. - Paper Planes - 116 R.E.M. - Crush With Eyeliner - 117 Peking Duk - Wasted - 118 The Postal Service - Such Great Heights - 119 Childish Gambino - Sober - 120 Portugal. The Man - Feel It Still - 121 Kero Kero Bonito - Flamingo - 122 Miki Matsubara - Mayonaka no Door / Stay with Me - 123 Mitski - Me and My Husband - 124 Mitski - Nobody - 125 The Beatles - Maxwell's Silver Hammer - The guy on which I had a crush in high school (not the bass -player, his twin) started a high school club for secular humanism which -espoused the values of atheism and anarchism. I was at the time more an atheist -than an anarchist but joined the club for moral support and because I didn't -have much better to do. One day he said he hadn't heard Abbey Road before so we -listened to the album from end to end with my ASUS Aspire One running mocp on -Debian 9. - 126 The Beatles - Oh! Darling - 127 The Beatles - Back In The U.S.S.R. - 128 The Beatles - Rocky Raccoon - 129 The Beatles - Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except Me [...] - 130 The Beatles - I Am The Walrus - 131 The Beatles - Doctor Robert - 132 The Beatles - Twist And Shout - 133 Blood Red Shoes - It's Getting Boring By The Sea - 134 OneRepublic - Good Life - 135 Owl City - Fireflies - 136 insaneintherainmusic, Gabe Nekrutman, Chris Allison - Mii [...] - 137 Coolio, L.V. - Gangsta's Paradise - 138 Foo Fighters - My Hero - 139 DMX - X Gon' Give It To Ya - 140 Gorillaz - Tranz - 141 Fatboy Slim - Weapon Of Choice - 142 The Rolling Stones - Paint It, Black - 143 CAKE - Short Skirt / Long Jacket - 144 Fountains Of Wayne - Stacy's Mom - 145 Childish Gambino - Redbone - 146 The Weeknd, Daft Punk - Starboy - 147 Jay & The Americans - Come A Little Bit Closer - 148 Dean Martin - Ain't That A Kick In The Head - 149 Weezer - No Scrubs - 150 Joy Division - She's Lost Control - 151 Violent Femmes - Blister in the Sun - 152 Taeko Onuki - 4:00A.M. - 153 Fitz and The Tantrums - Out of My League - 154 The London Orchestral Symphony - Paint It Black (Orchestra[...] - 155 Radiohead - Follow Me Around - 156 Radiohead - Spectre - 157 Bring Me The Horizon, BABYMETAL - Kingslayer - 158 Nothing But Thieves - Forever & Ever More - 159 Nothing But Thieves - Futureproof - 160 Fleetwood Mac - The Chain - 161 Aliotta Haynes Jeremiah - Lake Shore Drive - 162 Looking Glass - Brandy (You're a Fine Girl) - 163 Panic! At The Disco - I Write Sins Not Tragedies - 164 Crystal Castles - Untrust Us - 165 Crystal Castles - Courtship Dating - 166 My Chemical Romance - Helena - 167 MGMT - Electric Feel - 168 Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out - 169 The Buggles - Video Killed The Radio Star - 170 The Wannadies - You & Me Song - 171 Candi Staton - Young Hearts Run Free - 172 Stevie Wonder - Superstition - 173 Blue Oyster Cult - (Don't Fear) The Reaper - 174 CAKE - Short Skirt / Long Jacket - 175 SEATBELTS - Tank! - 176 Gloria Gaynor - I Will Survive - I just noticed this playlist has this song twice. - 177 The B-52's - Love Shack - 178 War - Low Rider - 179 Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Heads Will Roll - 180 Rick James - Super Freak - 181 Commodores - Brick House - 182 Kid Cudi - Day 'N' Nite (nightmare) - 183 Ween - Ocean Man - 184 Daniel Tidwell - At Doom's Gate (DOOM E1M1) - 185 Talking Heads - Psycho Killer - 186 Talking Heads - Once in a Lifetime - 187 Grimes - Shinigami Eyes - 188 Kero Kero Bonito - Pocket Crocodile - 189 Kero Kero Bonito - Small Town - 190 Tsuko G. - Gas Gas Gas (Initial D) - 191 Red Hot Chili Peppers - Can't Stop - 192 Red Hot Chili Peppers - Californication - 193 Steve Miller Band - Abracadabra - 194 Steve Miller Band - Jet Airliner - 195 Steve Miller Band - The Joker - 196 Blondie - Heart Of Glass - 197 King Harvest - Dancing In The Moonlight - 198 Kansas - Carry on Wayward Son - 199 Elton John - Bennie And The Jets - 200 Warren Zevon - Werewolves of London - 201 Blondie - One Way Or Another - 202 Daryl Hall & John Oates - Rich Girl - 203 Stevie Wonder - Superstition - This also seems to be a duplicate. - 204 Jim Croce - Bad, Bad Leroy Brown - 205 AISHA, Arc System Works - The Disaster of Passion - 206 Guilty Kiss - Shooting Star Warrior - 207 Mother Mother - Hayloft II - 208 Iron Maiden - Run to the Hills - 209 Louis XIV, Jason Hill, Brian Karscig - God Killed the Queen - 210 Taco - Puttin' on the Ritz - 211 Daft Punk - Give Life Back to Music - 212 Daft Punk, Pharrell Williams, Nile Rodgers - Get Lucky - 213 Daft Punk - Harder, Better, Faster Stronger - 214 Elton John, Kiki Dee - Don't Go Breaking My Heart - 215 Gorillaz, Robert Smoth - Strange Timez - 216 Gorillaz, Beck - The Valley of The Pagans - 217 Gorillaz - Clint Eastwood - 218 Gorillaz - Kids with Guns - 219 Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc. - 220 Gorillaz, Bootie Brown - Dirty Harry - 221 Gorillaz - Broken - 222 Gorillaz, Hypnotic Brass Ensemble, Mos Def - Sweepstakes - 223 Linkin Park - What I've Done - 224 The All-American Rejects - Move Along - 225 Simple Plan - What's New Scooby-Doo? - 226 The All-American Rejects - Dirty Little Secret - 227 Steve Miller Band - Take The Money And Run - 228 Village People - Y.M.C.A. - 229 Coldplay - Paradise - 230 LeviathanJPTV - Chug Jug With You - 231 Desired - Eyes on Me - I've long associated a picture of Desired with WSJ because he -posted that picture and said it was himself - a fit-looking man holding a rifle -surrounded by photoshopped-in anime girls. - 232 Kero Kero Bonito - Only Acting - 233 Heart - Barracuda - 234 Ram Jam - Black Betty - 235 Cascada - Everytime We Touch - 236 TANUKI - Babybaby No Yume - 237 Perfume - Electro World - Originally in katakana. - 238 Oliver Tree - Life Goes On - 239 Jun Senoue, Ted Poley, Tony Harnell - Escape From The City - 240 The Rapture - Sister Saviour - 241 Aretha Franklin - Son of a Preacher Man - 242 The Rolling Stones - Sympathy For The Devil - 243 Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody - 244 Queen - I Want To Break Free - 245 Pink Floyd - Another Brick In The Wall, Pt. 2 - 246 Johnny Cash - Ring of Fire - 247 AC/DC - Thunderstruck - 248 Chuck Berry - Johnny B. Goode - One of the best guitar lines in history. - 249 Creedence Clearwater Revival - Run Through The Jungle - 250 David Coffin - Roll the Old Chariot Along - Found on /gif/, a video of this shanty performed by a crowd -relatively near to where I lived. This is my favorite shanty and universally -disliked by those to whom I show it. Last time I showed it to someone they said -they didn't wanna hear the whole thing and skipped to Wellerman. - 251 Bob Dylan - The Times They Are A-Changin' - 252 Metallica - Enter Sandman - 253 Men Without Hats - The Safety Dance - 254 Dead Kennedys - Holiday In Cambodia - 255 Kanye West, Jamie Foxx - Gold Digger - 256 Queen, David Bowie - Under Pressure - 257 R.E.M. - It's The End Of The World As We Know It - 258 Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb - My Latin teacher's favorite Floyd track. - 259 Cage The Elephant - Ain't No Rest For The Wicked - I used to listen to this on repeat while playing Battlefield -1942. - 260 The Rolling Stones - Satisfaction - 261 Foo Fighters - Kids In America - Demo - 1991 - 262 The Rolling Stones - Jumpin' Jack Flash - 263 Duran Duran - Hungry Like the Wolf - 264 The Beatles - Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da - 265 Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit - 266 100 gecs - mememe - 267 ABBA - Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! - 268 ABBA - Waterloo - 269 ABBA - Super Trouper - 270 Jet - Are You Gonna Be My Girl - Also 100%ed on expert on Guitar Hero for the Nintendo DS. - 271 Jimmy Eat World - The Middle - 272 Nirvana - Come As You Are - 273 Rupert Holmes - Escape - I have fan theories about this song. - 274 Weezer - Island In The Sun - 275 AmaLee - My Soul, Your Beats! - In my time as moderator for Socks' Discord server I was often -compared to Tachibana from Angel Beats, so I watched the anime. It made me cry. - 276 The White Stripes - Fell In Love With a Girl - 277 Radiohead - 15 Step - 278 I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - Leave Me Alone - 279 Gorillaz - Tomorrow Comes Today - 280 Weezer - Jacked Up - 281 Weatherday - Porcelain Hands - 282 AWOLNATION - Table for One - 283 The Beatles - For No One - 284 Ben Folds - Bitch Went Nuts - 285 I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - Sugar Pills - 286 Violent Femmes - Blister In The Sun - 287 I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - Leave Me Alone - Duplicate. - 288 Weezer - Ain't Got Nobody - 289 Radiohead - Follow Me Around - Duplicate. - 290 Blondie - Heart Of Glass - Duplicate. - 291 The Strokes - Ode To The Mets - 292 Joy Division - Disorder - 293 Gorillaz, Beck - The Valley of The Pagans - Duplicate. - 294 Kensuke Ushio - Judgement - 295 Booker T. & the M.G.'s - Green Onions - 296 This Will Destroy You - The Mighty Rio Grande - 297 LVL1 - FVN! - 298 Perfume - Electro World - Duplicate. - 299 3l3d3p - lbitbt - Duplicate. - 300 100 gecs - bloodstains - 301 plasterbrain - Nimbasa CORE - Duplicate. - 302 Honey Claws - Digital Animal - 303 Ado, TeddyLoid - [kanji] no piero - TeddyLoid Remix - 304 Grimes - Kill V. Maim - 305 Pink Floyd - Time - 306 Paramore - Hard Times - 307 Nena - Irgendwie, irgendwo, irgendwann - 308 Gerard Way - Baby You're a Haunted House - 309 Elvis Presley - Can't Help Falling in Love - 310 Guster - Great Escape - 311 The Beatles - Eleanor Rigby - 312 Horace Silver - Song For My Father - 313 M.I.A. - Paper Planes - 314 R.E.M. - Crush With Eyeliner - I can't keep track of the duplicates so I'm not gonna note them -anymore. - 315 R.E.M. - What's The Frequency, Kenneth? - 316 R.E.M. - I Don't Sleep, I Dream - 317 Genesis - Land of Confusion - 318 Weezer - Surf Wax America - 319 Weezer - Long Time Sunshine - 320 Weezer - We Are All On Drugs - 321 Weezer - Miss Sweeney - 322 Weezer - Automatic - 323 Weezer - I Don't Want Your Loving - Death to False Metal and Everything Will Be Alright in the End -were the two albums that defined my September 2019 to March 2020. - 324 Weezer - Memories - 325 Weezer - Ain't Got Nobody - 326 Weezer - Back To The Shack - 327 Weezer - Da Vinci - 328 Weezer - Wind in Our Sail - 329 Weezer - Do You Wanna Get High? - I stopped listening to Weezer when I lost my virginity. - 330 Pink Floyd - When the Tigers Broke Free - 331 Pink Floyd - The Fletcher Memorial Home - 332 Pink Floyd - Astronomy Domine - 333 Pink Floyd - Lucifer Sam - 334 Boney M. - Rasputin - 335 Dizzee Rascal, Armand Van Helden - Bonkers - 336 Daft Punk - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger - 337 TOTO - Africa - 338 Justice - D.A.N.C.E - 339 Joan Jett & the Blackhearts - Bad Reputation - 340 Metric - Black Sheep - 341 R.E.M. - Let Me In - 342 Tears For Fears - Everybody Wants To Rule The World - 343 Yung Bae, Natvnomvzik - Bae City Rollaz - 344 Night Tempo - Koi - 345 T. Rex - Teenage Dream - 346 Arctic Monkeys - No Buses - 347 Ramones - Blitzkrieg Bop - 348 The Beach Boys - I Get Around - 349 Billy Joel - We Didn't Start the Fire - 350 Bee Gees - How Deep Is Your Love - 351 Electric Light Orchestra - Don't Bring Me Down - 352 Bee Gees - Stayin' Alive - 353 Don McLean - American Pie - 354 Bee Gees - You Should Be Dancing - 355 Lynyrd Skynyrd - Free Bird - 356 Fleetwood Mac - Go Your Own Way - 357 Sam Cookie - Wonderful World - 358 Van Morrison - Brown Eyed Girl - 359 Marvin Gaye, Tammi Terrell - Ain't No Mountain High Enough - 360 The Beach Boys - Surfin' U.S.A. - 361 The Mamas & The Papas - California Dreamin' - 362 The Beach Boys - Wouldn't It Be Nice - 363 The Beatles - Twist And Shout - 364 The Beatles - She Loves You - 365 The Bobby Fuller Four - I Fought the Law - 366 Donovan - Mellow Yellow - 367 Creedence Clearwater Revival - Bad Moon Rising - 368 Johnny Cash - Ring of Fire - 369 Neil Diamond - Sweet Caroline - In summer camp in third or fourth grade I had a crush on a girl -named Caroline with hair like fire and freckles like falling leaves. Never saw -her again. - 370 Marilyn Manson - KILL4ME - 371 Marilyn Manson - The Beautiful People - 372 Marilyn Manson - Sweet Dreams - 373 Marilyn Manson - Fated, Faithful, Fatal - 374 Marilyn Manson - Cupid Carries A Gun - 375 Ramones - Pet Sematary - 376 Lenny Kravitz - Are You Gonna Go My Way - 377 Radiohead - Karma Police - I consider myself a Buddhist; I "converted" (seems like a -strong word) about a month ago. I do seek to follow the Dharma. nasin sewi pona -li pona. - 378 Wild Cherry - Play That Funky Music - 379 Hombres G - Devuelveme a mi chica - Minus diacritical marks. - 380 Tennessee - Te vi correr - 381 Owl City - When Can I See You Again? - 382 Panic! At The Disco - Sarah Smiles - 383 Panic! At The Disco - There's a Good Reason These Tables A[...] - 384 Panic! At The Disco - I Write Sins Not Tragedies - 385 Twenty One Pilots - Fake You Out - 386 Twenty One Pilots - Fairly Local - 387 Twenty One Pilots - Polarize - 388 Twenty One Pilots - Choker - 389 Billy Joel - We Didn't Start the Fire - 390 chelmico - Easy Breezy - 391 TWRP - Atomic Karate - I can't see TWRP without thinking of the TWilight Recovery -Partition tool for Android devices. - 392 The Aquabats! - Cat with 2 Heads! - 393 Sex Bob-Omb - Threshold - 394 Gorillaz - 19-2000 - 395 Talking Heads - Burning Down the House - 396 Christian French - avalanche - 397 Joji - Gimme Love - 398 a-ha - Take on Me - 399 Bruce Springsteen - Dancing In the Dark - 400 Whitney Houston - I Wanna Dance with Somebody - 401 Survivor - Eye of the Tiger - 402 Soft Cell - Tainted Love - 403 Huey Lewis & The News - Hip To Be Square - 404 Suzanne Vega - Tom's Diner - 405 Daryl Hall & John Oates - Private Eyes - 406 Kenny Loggins - Danger Zone - 407 Rick Astley - Never Gonna Give You Up - 408 Daryl Hall & John Oates - You Make My Dreams - 409 The Police - Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic - The only non-creepy Police song. - 410 Eurythmics, Annie Lennox, Dave Stewart - Sweet Dreams - 411 Daryl Hall & John Oates - I Can't Go for That - 412 My Chemical Romance - The Ghost of You - 413 Shiro SAGISU - ANGEL ATTACK - 414 Shiro SAGISU - MISATO - 415 Shiro SAGISU - Next Episode - 416 Daler Mehndi - Tunak Tunak Tun - 417 Mariya Takeuchi - Plastic Love - Something is off because this playlist should have 420 songs. -Whatever. My fingers are tired. - -intermission - 1 Weezer - Mirror Image - This is my breakup playlist after Usagi and I split. - 2 Weezer - Jacked Up - I wanna say April or so 2020? 2021? Probably 2020. - 3 Arctic Monkeys - Do I Wanna Know? - It hurt and it took me a long time to get over it. - 4 Weatherday - Porcelain Hands - 5 Jim Croce - Time in a Bottle - 6 Tame Impala - New Person, Same Old Mistakes - 7 AWOLNATION - Table for One - 8 The Beatles - For No One - 9 Plustwo - Melody (1983 Club Vinyl Mix) - - -/blah/2023-11-28.html - -the the the end end end of of of -end end end of of of the the the - -my friends have accepted their fate now -i've found solace in my misery - -and the light in their eyes isn't there -and some hope in the emptiness here - -how the beauty fades so softly here -but it looks like my soul's failing me - -is a testament to what we bear -because i still hold onto my fear - -poverty, death in this city life -i met a hobo on north union - -seventy hour weeks in fast food -she looked like me with differing clothes - -everyone here just keeps suffering -i asked her how she fell in the hole - -and i sing to my violent tunes -she said you're already here, you know - -(together) -and my metal music plays at night -and the skyline's littered with debris -of a simpler, hospitable time -how the hell will i afford to eat - - -/blah/2023-11-27.html - -Dear Princess Celestia, - Today I learned that the strongest ship is a friendship and that if it -isn't canon you can't accept it as part of the lore without noting the caveats. -Rainbow Dash has never actually worked at a factory that ground young fillies -and colts up into rainbows. - - -/blah/2023-11-25.html - -Neon Genesis Evangelion | My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic ----------------------------|------------------------------------ -Three kids | Six ponies - -are taught to harness the weapons only they can use because the -weapons are - -their mothers | inside them - -. They're assigned this task by the government, lead by - -Gendo Ikari | Princess Celestia - -, who - -have captured God | is God - -, because they need to vanquish forces of evil that are -threatening their world. The - -kids | ponies - -are lead by - -Misato Katsuragi | Twilight Sparkle - -because only she - -recognizes they are human. | can bring the Elements of Harmony - | together with their friendship. - -Along the way the - -children | ponies - -will grow - -father apart | closer - -due to their shared - -trauma | friendship - -. You can watch their journey together on - -Cartoon Network's Adult | Discovery Family -Swim | - -in - -2005-2006. | 2010-2019. - - -/blah/2023-11-24.html - -: phones - -Phone | Battery | Charging jack -Samsung SCH-R390 | Good | Micro USB-B, no OTG - LG UN280 | Decent | Micro USB-B, no OTG -iPhone SE (2016) | Dismal | Proprietary - Unihertz Titan | Excellent | USB-C PD - Pinephone | Upgradeable | USB-C PD - Punkt MP-02 | Excellent | USB-C but no PD - Google Pixel 3A | Excellent | USB-C PD - -Phone | Codecs | Firmware | Headphone jack -Samsung SCH-R390 | No FLAC, no Vorbis, no VP8 | Proprietary | 3.5mm - LG UN280 | No FLAC, no Vorbis, no VP8 | Proprietary | 3.5mm -iPhone SE (2016) | No FLAC, no Vorbis, no VP8 | Proprietary | 3.5mm - Unihertz Titan | Configurable | Proprietary | 3.5mm - Pinephone | Configurable | Changeable | 3.5mm - Punkt MP-02 | No FLAC, no Vorbis, no VP8 | Proprietary | over USB-C - Google Pixel 3A | Configurable | Proprietary | 3.5mm - -Phone | Keyboard | OS | SD | WLAN -Samsung SCH-R390 | Hardware | Proprietary | Micro | No - LG-UN280 | Hardware | Proprietary | Micro | No -iPhone SE (2016) | Software | Proprietary | None | Yes - Unihertz Titan | Hardware | Proprietary | Micro | Yes - Pinephone | Software or hardware | Open | Micro | Yes - Punkt MP-02 | Hardware | Proprietary | None | Yes - Google Pixel 3A | Software | Open | None | Yes - -Samsung SCH-R390 - Also known as the Freeform 4. - I used this extensively and enjoyed it at the time. - -Samsung SCH-R480 - Also known as the FreeForm 5. - No significant changes from the FreeForm 4 beyond aesthetics. - -LG UN280 - Also known as the Freedom II. - I used this extensively and enjoyed it at the time. - -iPhone SE (2016) - I used this extensively and despise it. - -Unihertz Titan - I used this extensively and despise it. - Bad hardware keyboard (no dollar sign). - Vendor unlawfully non-compliant with GPL 2 licensing on Linux, - for this reason I would avoid this phone like the plague. - -Pine64 Pinephone - I love this phone a lot. - Hardware keyboard available as an extension; - hardware keyboard also adds a second battery, - tripling the battery life of the phone. - Firmware is proprietary by default - but the vendor allows using free firmware. - -Punkt MP-02 - Sucks. - -Google Pixel 3A - The official OS is proprietary so I use an old GrapheneOS build. - 100% FOSS phone but reliable unlike the Pinephone. - - -/blah/2023-11-23.html - -Today's Thanksgiving in the United States which historically is a holiday of -some sort that I learned about in school and soon forgot because I didn't get -it. The day's significant to me as a day where usually I can find a good bite -to eat for cheap (though this is my first Thanksgiving vegan) and as a day on -which I am reminded how thankful I am for life as it is right now. - -I'm thankful for the ceiling above my head and the couch under my feet. The -walls around the room. The warmth. I'm thankful for the people with which I'm -staying allowing me to be here and I'm thankful for their friendship. One I've -known a couple years but it might as well be forever and they've been there for -me however they could when times were dire and all else was far away, despite -us not being super close super often. The other I knew in passing and now I get -to interact with them in person and they're even cooler than I thought they -were from seeing their stuff on-line. I'm thankful to them for allowing me to -stay here, and thankful to them for being friends of mine, and thankful to them -for what they contribute to the world in kindness in general. - -I'm thankful for my backpack and what's in it. I have a number of niceties I -could do without, including the laptop on which I'm typing this, and I'm glad I -have these luxuries and for my luck in this. I'm thankful for my luck in -general. There are many who cannot be inside today. Restaurants close on -Thanksgiving and I worry for those who usually refuge with coffee and their -belongings at tables in the darker areas of dining rooms. It's cold outside. -I'm thankful for the food in my belly and the clothes on my back, especially -for how good the food is here and how clean the clothes are that I'm wearing. -I'm thankful for the shirt I'm wearing which was given to me by Usagichan and -I'm thankful for Usagichan's friendship. I'm thankful for my gym pants I use as -pajamas which were given to me by one of the people who let me stay here. I'm -thankful to my employers - there will be three to consider this tax season - -for the wages with which I provide myself the things I need. I'm thankful for -dry socks and showers and being able to sleep in one layer of clothing. - -I'm thankful for my girlfriend and its putting up with my distance, not just my -physical distance but my emotional distance. I don't have the words to express -how much I am thankful for it and I am still as amazed by everything it does as -when we first met. I'm thankful for the lessons partners of the past and recent -past have taught me. I'm thankful for the love that is given to me and has -been. - -I'm thankful for my sidekick, my roommates' families, my old friends and future -co-conspirators. - -I'm thankful for the contributors to the free software I use. Bastien Dejean -for bspwm, q66 for Chimera Linux, Torvalds for Linux, the thousands of -contributors to the bigger projects, particularly Firefox, Xorg, GrapheneOS. -Emma Tebibyte, Marceline Cramer, and Sasha Koshka are people I talk to on-line -and who make programs I use, and I'm thankful for them. - -I would not be the person I am today without the generosity of others and I am -humbled by the ease with which good people do amazing things for the world. - - -/blah/2023-11-22.html - -: getting rogue to compile on chimera linux - -BUT automatically and from the netbsd source tree because i <3 netbsd - -$ git clone https://github.com/NetBSD/src -$ ^C # never mind it's 2GB -$ curl https://raw.githubusercontent.com/NetBSD/src/trunk/games/rogue/Makefile - -note to self meli mail client looks pog - -nvm im gonna go get high - - -/blah/2023-11-18.html - -One of the details about Slipstream and its universe of media (that I will -eventually get around to expressing) is that computers are largely invisible, -relegated to the spaces in the walls or servers in cities far away. -Technological literacy, like the skill to repair a car or radio, only persists -among the very highly educated so they may design the infrastructure through -which the Restovus live. This is a time that resembles a hundred years ago more -than today, despite being hundreds of years in the future, with minor details -lost in the fog of sight such as entropy being in places reversed. This also -explains airily notions of "magic" and "time travel". Slipstream in particular -is hard to follow in terms of understanding the underlying technologies, but -they're less to understand and more to accept, like all things far from one's -reality. - - -/blah/2023-11-17.html - -installing the internet archive `ia' client - -$ python3 -m pip install internetarchive - - -/blah/2023-11-16.html - -: adding a user to feeling.murderu.us, an alpine linux host - -https://wiki.alpinelinux.org/wiki/Setting_up_a_new_user - -$ scp id_ed25519.pub feeling.murderu.us:/home/trinity/ -$ ssh feeling.murderu.us - $ doas su - - # adduser -D user - # adduser user wheel - # mkdir -p /home/user/.ssh - # mv id_ed25519.pub /home/user/ - # chown -R user:user /home/user/.ssh - # exit - $ exit -$ exit - - -/blah/2023-11-15.html - -It is hard to cope with happiness. This is the best period of my life ever, bar -none. I have time to learn, discuss, work, clean, I'm wearing clean clothes and -can take regular showers. I don't know how to process it. I've never in my life -been in such a good environment with such good friends and I don't know how to -cope with getting rides everywhere, having meals made for me, my laundry done -by someone else. - -I've been very self sufficient for a little while now. I did my laundry at -either a laundromat with money I had earned from work or with my own hands in a -work sink with soap purchased with money I had earned from work. Often the -latter so I could afford to eat food I had prepared with ingredients I had -purchased with money I had earned from work, or food I had prepared during -work. A washing machine doesn't fit in a backpack, nor a dryer, though in a -pinch when walking I could hang clothes off the backpack to get at least a side -of them dry before getting to where I could change out of what I was wearing. - -In order to change my clothes I had to find a public bathroom, ideally a Burger -King because I was an employee there but in a pinch if I was fast enough a gas -station would work, put my backpack and clothes on the often dirty floor, and -strip down in a stall or in better cases when a stall was a room a full -restroom. I had to do it fast because gas station attendants and fast food -workers can smell homelessness on you, the hopelessness and stench of hand -washed clothing. It is in the modern era equivalent to smelling addiction and -on occasion I would be accused of taking so long in the bathroom to shoot up -heroin. There was never sympathy or understanding or even acceptance. Because I -was homeless, noticeably so, I was considered subhuman, vermin. - -There was no way to take a shower. Gym bathrooms work if you're cisgender or -living in a generally trans-friendly area. I was not. A shower for me was the -bathroom at work, before work, where I used my laundry soap and a bandanna to -swab my arms, face, neck, chest, and armpits. I had to be quick because the -morning workers liked to spread rumors about my being a homeless addict, -an immediately obvious falsehood to those who knew me but slander for those who -didn't. I wasn't troubled that people knew I was homeless because while -violence likes to come for those on the streets, vermin that can be tortured -and killed the same way rats and cockroaches are in apartments, I was charming, -witty, somewhat educated or seemingly, and tried to be as kind as possible to -others. I tried to be a representable member of the unhoused and of the -trannies, to appeal to those cretins with their ceilings and simpler thoughts. - -In order to change my clothes, if in the apartment, I take my clothes off and -put different clothes on. In order to take a shower I go to the bathroom, take -my clothes off, and turn the shower tap. Less pain, less ink. Can I get used to -this? Should I? When I see Subarus outside I wonder if I could have survived -the winter. It was cold as fuck sleeping outside in October. Sometimes I wonder -if I did die in that car. If this is heaven. I wonder if I did die in that car -and so now if I am a different person than who entered. I wonder if Toni is -still where I left her in the parking lot, if she's rotting from disuse and if -the cardboard I used to seal the rear window is molding. The picture of Dorian -Grey. - - -/blah/2023-11-12.html - -Happy birthday my dears. - -Oedipus - -1 Iam nocte Titan dubius expulsa redit - now night Titan doubt expel I return -1 I return at night now to dubious Titan - -2 et nube maestus squalida exoritur iubar, - & to cloud sad foul become radiance -2 and to the foul, sorry smog that had become its radiance, - -3 lumenque flamma triste luctifica gerens - -4 prospiciet avida peste solatas domos, - -5 stragemque quam nox fecit ostendet dies. - - - -/blah/2023-11-06.html - -Some stuff is failing in Rust. I'll put this stuff here which is part of the -Hearth running processs as a note but I still don't have this working. I got a -job and have been working the last couple days. - -$ cargo install cargo-update -$ cargo install cargo-xtask -$ rustup target add wasm32-unknown-unknown -$ git clone https://github.com/hearth-rs/kindling -$ sh -c 'cd kindling; cargo build-root' - -I don't remember what I was doing on here. I see these errors: - - = note: clang-16: warning: argument unused during compilation: '-no-pie' [-Wu - ld: error: unable to find library -lssl - ld: error: unable to find library -lcrypto - ld: error: unable to find library -lz - clang-16: error: linker command failed with exit code 1 (use -v to se - -In installing cargo-update, so I guess I'll try - -# apk add openssl-devel # did nothing; is installed -# apk add libssl3 # did nothing; is installed - -Okay I give up. Whatever. - - --> src/main.rs:23:48 - | -23 | if let Ok(val) = if let Ok(val) = reqwest::blocking::get(jasima_remote - | - -Cargo.toml: -- reqwest = "0.11" -+ request = { version = "0.11", features = ["blocking"] } - - -/blah/2023-11-03.html - -Rest in peace Jayden Cho-Sargent. 2003-2016. - -[05:33] q66: sanchan: that's not a solution and you should not do that -[05:33] q66: libgcc-chimera exists purely for compatibility with prebuilt - binary software -[05:34] q66: you should fix whatever to not link gcc_s instead - -FROM: ckie -TO: trinity -SUBJECT: why do thaaattt -DATE: 2023-11-03 05:36:26 +0200 - -why do thaaattttttttttttttttttttttttt - -~>~::: - - 😭 - why do that - -Why OD THAT ~??? -Why Do that. -That's so evil trinity, you could . Like., Not do that. Please? - -[cirno_actually_plays_zelda_in_terminal.png] - -WH??? y...y.... - -🥺 🥹 🥹 🥹 😭 - -x∅x∅ -[return address] - -ne hone ronnewrn nenh..n rkmrawr ) : - WA waoo ohoooo o - w hy yyy mREAWmmmmm - -cc [...] says u might'v listenef in so hi u hearxd me ig maybe - ( only if fae not wearin heapdohn ) - -FROM: trinity -TO: ckie -SUBJECT: Re: why do thaaattt -DATE: 2023-11-03 07:09:06 +0000 - -do i have permission to put this on my blah https://trinity.moe/blah/ - -FROM: ckie -TO: trinity -SUBJECT: Re: why do thaaattt -DATE: 2023-11-03 14:31:44 +0000 - -sure maybe leave the attachment out it's meow [...] -[...] - -Friendship formed! Hell yeah! - -Readers should e-mail me stuff I can respond to on my blah like I'm a real -Buzzfeed journalist or as if I was writing the next Dracula. Epistular -storytelling. - -$ ssh root@all.evil -ssh: Could not resolve hostname all.evil: Name does not resolve - -allevil.org is available but I don't have money to blow on domains right now. - -E-mailing entities like ckie is delightful. What is "e-mail" in toki pona? -toki pona la E-mail pi toki inli li seme? Maybe toki lipu kiwen - metal -documented speech? How can uncertainty be represented in toki pona? - -They discussed continental philosophy last night at Sangha. I'm gonna need to -read Anti-Oedipus. Or actually Descartes. - -There's a project some friends of mine are working on called Hearth. It just -merged in a sister project, Flue, last night. It's written in extraordinarily -clean Rust and is the reason I'm learning Rust. It's going to be a big deal. - -$ git clone https://github.com/hearth-rs/hearth -$ cd hearth -$ cargo build -error: failed to run custom build command for `msdfgen-sys v0.2.1` - -Caused by: - process didn't exit successfully: `/home/trinity/hearth/target/debug/build/ms -dfgen-sys-3ee3a8b654b57797/build-script-build` (exit status: 101) - --- stderr - thread 'main' panicked at /home/trinity/.cargo/registry/src/index.crates.io-6 -f17d22bba15001f/msdfgen-sys-0.2.1/build.rs:33:13: - No prebuilt bindings. Try use `bindgen` feature. - note: run with `RUST_BACKTRACE=1` environment variable to display a backtrace -warning: build failed, waiting for other jobs to finish... - -$ cp hearth/crates/font-mud/Cargo.toml hearth/crates/font-mud/Cargo.toml.orig -$ hearth/crates/font-mud/Cargo.toml.orig \ - sed '8c msdfgen = {version = "0.2.1", default-features = false, features = ["bindgen", "ttf-parser", "png"]}' -$ cargo build -error: failed to run custom build command for `msdfgen-sys v0.2.1` - -Caused by: - process didn't exit successfully: `/home/trinity/hearth/target/debug/build/ms -dfgen-sys-80b011bd235771f0/build-script-build` (exit status: 101) - --- stdout - cargo:rerun-if-env-changed=TARGET_SYSROOT - cargo:rerun-if-env-changed=CXX_STDLIB - - --- stderr - thread 'main' panicked at /home/trinity/.cargo/registry/src/index.crates.io-6 -f17d22bba15001f/bindgen-0.63.0/./lib.rs:2338:31: - Unable to find libclang: "the `libclang` shared library at /usr/lib/libclang. -so.16.0.6 could not be opened: Dynamic loading not supported" - note: run with `RUST_BACKTRACE=1` environment variable to display a backtrace -warning: build failed, waiting for other jobs to finish... - -$ doas su - -# apk add clang-devel -$ cargo build -$ # [no dice] - - -/blah/2023-11-02.html - -$ ldconfig -p -$ - -Oh, right. Hm. - -https://pkgs.chimera-linux.org/packages > contents > "ldconfig" -ldconfig belongs to apk:musl-progs. -# apk fix musl-progs -fetch https://repo.chimera-linux.org/current/contrib/aarch64/APKINDEX.tar.gz -fetch https://repo.chimera-linux.org/current/main/aarch64/APKINDEX.tar.gz -(1/1) Reinstalling musl-progs (1.2.4-r4) -OK: 2623 MiB in 982 packages -# ls -l $(which ldconfig) -lrwxrwxrwx 1 root root 4 Nov 2 09:48 /bin/ldconfig -> true - -Hm. - -# unlink /bin/ldconfig -# ls -l $(which ldconfig) -lrwxrwxrwx 1 root root 4 Nov 2 09:49 /bin/ldconfig -> true - -Uh. I guess I'll ask OFTC#chimera-linux. - -This being caused by a system upgrade would explain the initial timestamp of -yesterday at 1700, when probably I ran `# apk -U upgrade` out of habit. I can't -find much on the package browser or anything so I guess I'll just wait for -somepony to get back to me on IRC. - -[09:52] sanchan: hey how come ldconfig is linked to true by musl-progs? -[09:53] sanchan: i think this happened after a recent update. i'm on aarch64 - but a $ unlink /bin/ldconfig; doas apk fix musl-progs re-links - ldconfig->true -[10:17] q66: it's supposed to be, what else would it be -[10:18] q66: it always was too -[10:46] sanchan: i'm trying to get some rust stuff working and cargo is failing - to compile a C dependency for lack of -lgcc_s -[10:46] sanchan: i installed gcc-chimera or whatever it's called but still no - dice -[10:47] q66: okay -[10:48] sanchan: ,/lib/libgcc_s.so.1 exists so it seems like an ldconfig issue, - online troubleshooting said ldconfig -p might tell me what's - going on -[10:49] sanchan: this isn't my area of expertise -[10:49] q66: i don't understand how you get to that conclusion -[10:49] q66: ldconfig isn't a thing with musl -[10:49] q66: libgcc_s isn't a thing with compiler-rt -[10:49] sanchan: blindly following troubleshooting guides -[10:49] sanchan: i see -[10:51] q66: glibc has a dynamic linker cache for library lookups, ldconfig - controls that cache -[10:51] q66: musl doesn't have a cache -[10:52] q66: that's why ldconfig is a symlink to true -[10:52] q66: so that when something hardcodes calling it, it's a noop -[10:54] sanchan: interesting -[10:55] sanchan: cargo must just not be checking the right dirs or something. - i'll play around with it -[10:55] sanchan: thank you! -[10:55] q66: <@q66> libgcc_s isn't a thing with compiler_rt -[10:55] q66: something hardcoding lgcc_s is wrong -[10:55] q66: it shouldn't be doing that - -The Chimera Linux IRC channel is really valuable for figuring out system -weirdness but I always feel weird bugging the Professionals^TM for my awful -computer issues. - -Rust tickles my brain so I'm gonna work on that instead of this. -Rust says: Package openssl was not found in the pkg-config search path. -I say: # apk add openssl-devel -And so it worked. - -Rust says: = note: ld: error: unable to find library -lgcc_s -I say: Shit. - -Okay, so this is an ld error (actually an error in that -lgcc_s shouldn't be -required but whatever). - -fn jasima_get() -> Result { - if let Ok(val) = if let Ok(val) = reqwest::blocking::get(jasima_remote()) { - let file = File::create(jasima_local()); - file.write_all(val.text()); - Ok(val.text()) - } else if let Ok(val) = read_to_string(jasima_local()) { - Ok(val) - } else { - Err("Unavailable") - } { - json::parse(val) - } else { - Err("Unavailable") - } -} - -MARS: That should compile, but also, what the fuck is wrong with you? - -I'm never going back to C. - -Marcie checked out my cargo stuff and said "Hmm. Wack" or the equivalent dog -noise. - -Burgered king; regiphagia. - -Beat Mars at 2048. I feel accomplished. Also I got a job today. - -I am just sort of here. I don't live here or anywhere else or anywhere in -particular and just come with my hosts when they do cool stuff and chip in -however I can in terms of housework or finances. This is a really pleasing -existence but I can't help thinking I can and should be doing more. - -$ ld -L/usr/lib -lgcc_s -ld: error: unable to find library -lgcc_s - -https://stackoverflow.com/questions/335928/ld-cannot-find-an-existing-library ->A quick hack is to symlink libmagic.so.1 to libmagic.so -# ln -s /usr/lib/libgcc_s.so.1 /usr/lib/libgcc_s.so -# ^D -$ ld -L/usr/lib -lgcc_s -ld: warning: cannot find entry symbol _start; not setting start address - -You're fucking shitting me. - -We're all just chilling in Samsara. - - -/blah/2023-11-01.html - -Rabbit rabbit. - -$ doas su - -# apk del rust cargo -# ^D -$ curl --proto '=https' --tlsv1.2 https://sh.rustup.rs -sSf >rustup.sh -$ more <rustup.sh # DO NOT PIPE CURL INTO SH!!! -$ sh rustup.sh - -I went with a default installation because whatever. I just hope this doesn't -fuck up my system because I quite like my system as it's installed. - -$ . .cargo/env -$ rustc --version -Error loading shared library libgcc_s.so.1: No such file or directory (needed b -Error loading shared library libgcc_s.so.1: No such file or directory (needed b -Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- -Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- -Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- -Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- -Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- -Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- -Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- -Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- -Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- -Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- -Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- -Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- -Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- -Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- -Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- -Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- -Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- -Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- -Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- -Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- -Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- -Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- -Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- -Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- -Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- - -Hmmm. - -$ doas su - -# apk add libgcc-chimera -# ^D -$ rustc --version -rustc 1.73.0 (cc66ad468 2023-10-03) - -Cool. - -Consultation with hosts: print!("{}", var); uses the display trait of var while -print!("{:?}", var); uses the debug trait of var. - -At night I like to look around and feel the air on my skin. The air is still -but flowing because this place is well ventilated yet well heated and feels -nice, is a nice temperature. I like to look around at the walls and how they -blend into the ceiling, distinct only by texture and shade. There are no gaps -between them. Nor between the wall and the floor. The walls are clean here. So -is the floor. So is the ceiling. There are fire alarms and carbon monoxide -detectors and blinds on the windows and the air is nice but most importantly -the space is so big. A month ago I was waking up in a car, freezing. I was -freezing because the car had nearly no insulation and nearly no ventilation, so -my breath would condense onto any object that had some warmth to give it like -the windows or my blankets or sleeping bag. The condensation would cool me in -the night. I would wake up often in the very early morning hours shivering and -unable to get warm, kept awake by Kami insisting we not fall asleep or we could -die of hypothermia. I'd read Alias Grace or another book on my tablet, the -glass cold to the touch and foggy, wishing I was somewhere else, somewhere far -away where I couldn't touch the clean ceiling even if I stretched my arm out to -as far away as my fingertips could reach. Now I am here, the place of which I -dreamed. The walls are so far away and yet the air here, so much air, is so -warm. It's comfortable. I'm laying on a couch which is comfortable and using my -laptop comfortably and using wall electricity and laying in warmth and there's -a sink in this room or adjacent to get water on demand and there is fucking -laundry! I can do my fucking laundry! I can take a shower when I wish to! And -every night out of joy I cry myself to sleep. I sob like a little piss baby, -muffling my cries with my mouth or my will or when those fail the sleeping bag -in which I lay because I'm terrified that I will be back on the street again -and without the car and unable to get comfortable on hard surfaces anymore. - -I met Toni in February, a 1999 green Subaru Forester or Forrester or something. -She was driven by my sidekick and in fine shape except for some difficulties -making it up hills. At the time my sidekick was considerably less so and I was -coming off some bad decisions with drugs and we were discussing some stuff and -I was in love with that car but never thought I would end up living in it. The -best weekend I'd ever lived. - -I met Toni in a different light in September or so. I'd slept near a pile of -nearly unidentifiable corpses, the same hill about a hundred paces away, and -then went to work and pretended I hadn't. Then I scootered a ways down a hill -and up another to a different Burger King than the one at which I had worked -and crawled through the rear of the car, fringed with broken glass which did -cut me once or twice, and slept in the passenger seat in my sleeping bag. It -wasn't comfortable compared to where I am now but it was better than any of the -places I'd tried to sleep over that week and I got nine or so hours. I woke up -and went to work, the other Burger King, chipper. None of my coworkers knew I -was homeless but I didn't hide it. When I was homeless (technically I still am) -in Lewiston I wanted to actually let people know I was homeless because I -dispelled a lot of classic stereotypes about homeless people - I was educated, -sober, and employed. But rent money is not simply money but money in a bulk I -didn't have. The purpose of that job was to get the money to get where I am now -but I still can't believe I am actually here. - -Sometimes when I close my eyes I see them, the corpses torn apart by something -of the forest, and I feel the exhaustion that rooted itself into my bones. And -I wake up and I'm hear under a clean ceiling and the walls are so far away. In -Toni I couldn't sit up without hitting my head, I had to duck or bend my back -somehow. I couldn't extend my legs. Here I can extend my legs however I want in -whatever direction I want. And pee as soon as I wake up. - -I feel so fucked. My body is safe but my mind will not stop feeling like there -is something from which to run. I can't forget what I saw and what I felt and -who I was and what I did and being chased and losing trails and playing with -trails and tracers and the falling down hills and sirens and sillhouettes in -red and blue and making my way through dark alleys full of knives and shopping -knives and losing knives and cutting, others and myself, and biting belts as I -repaired my own mechanical faults and shocking myself until I forgot why and -waking up to screaming and waking up to screaming and waking up to screaming. -This is peace. What is peace? - -Peace is the two library books I've read and returned since getting a library -card here. What If (2014) and What If 2 (2022). Neither really books I needed -to read or was recommended. Just books I wanted to enjoy. Peace is learning -Rust to contribute to friends' projects, using my laptop, drinking clean water -straight from the tap. Peace is riding in the car behind a few of the smartest -people I know who seem happy I'm here and safe, or at least that my body is -safe, but I don't tell them about the memories I can't get out of my head, just -the memories that haunt me but that are allowed to escape, to be forgotten -momentarily, that alone haunt my hosts. I still feel like I'm in the car -sometimes. I feel the old seat felt against the backs of my arms as I come to -from my sleeping bag. I see my breath fog in front of me. I don't but I do, I -see without seeing. Kami shakes me until I wake up. It's not safe. But it's -never safe, it's never safe because I'm still in the car and the lights are -pouring through the windows but it's the sun's light and it's through apartment -windows and it is safe here but it's not safe because the light is pouring -through the windows and I can be seen and someone is about to start yelling -that they will kill me because they don't see me as human and this was the only -secluded place I could find but it's not secluded because it's a floor behind a -locked door but it's not secluded so it's not safe and I'm taking up too much -space so my hosts are going to hate me but they tell me I can take up more -space certainly but I'm taking up too much space. - -And I just want to go to sleep. I want peace. Peace was taken from me by those -who wage war on the proletariat. Whatever. I'm too tired. Could this even be -real? What happy existence? Am I really allowed to relax? Isn't it a trick? - -o tenpo pimejo pona - - = note: ld: error: unable to find library -lgcc_s - clang-16: error: linker command failed with exit code 1 (use -v to se -e invocation) - -error: could not compile `clap_derive` (lib) due to previous error - -# apk add gcc-aarch64-none-elf -# ^D -$ cargo run - Compiling clap_derive v4.4.7 -error: linking with `cc` failed: exit status: 1 - | - = note: LC_ALL="C" PATH="/home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unkn -[many lines abridged] - -Okay, so Rust is having issues with the lack of gcc here. It kinda sucks that -clap is using C stuff. I'm not sure if I should get this C stuff working first -or switch to a pure Rust argument parser. - -Looking at this command line, it's LC_ALL=C PATH=[...] VSLANG=1033 cc [and then -a whole bunch of bogus] [cflags] -lgcc_s lc [and then more cflags]. What -provides gcc_s? - -$ ls /lib | grep gcc -drwxr-xr-x root root 4.0 KB Fri Sep 8 05:26:01 2023 gcc -.rwxr-xr-x root root 70 KB Wed Oct 25 16:41:53 2023 libgcc_s.so.1 - -Presumably libgcc_s.so.1 was put there by libgcc-chimera (I'm not gonna bother -checking). I'm just gonna search this error text because I'm not sure why the C -compiler wouldn't be checking /lib. - -$ ldconfig -p -$ ldconfig -$ ldconfig --help -$ echo $? -0 -$ ls $(which ldconfig) -lrwxrwxrwx root root 4 B Tue Oct 31 17:08:41 2023 🔖 /bin/ldconfig ⇒ true - -Hahahahhahahaha. What. Where's ldconfig?!?!?!?!?!?!! I would assume this is the -root of the issue at hand. - -At my most boring I have wished for a life worse than the one I have now. This -is the most enjoyable my life has ever been and yet it is unrelentingly -chaotic and I don't know how to get the pieces to fit. I feel irredeemable and -unable to relate to anyone or anything except perhaps a pebble being kicked -across the asphalt of the road or leaves falling off the trees, ripening, -wrinkling, from a soothing green to a reminder of the loss of youth. - -One day I expected rain overnight so I slept in the passenger seat so I could -see the rain fall down the windshield. It was a view I had romanticized in my -head, one I wanted to pause and view for eternity. My sidekick did not. They -have places to go and things to do naturally so when it happened that we were -caught in rain and got to see rain fall over Toni we watched for a moment or -two and then drove onward toward the future, beckoning it without letting it -take its time. I was excited to be able to take this moment, though -unfortunately in solitude, at the pace by which I wanted to experience it. So I -fell asleep against the bitter cold of that parking lot and awoke to the pitter -patter of droplets against the glass before me and that was peaceful and I was -for a moment happy. But then I heard a colder, shriller tap from behind, and -turned around to find the cover for the rear window I'd fashioned out of -cardboard and plastic leaking by the seams, forming a puddle that would -inevitably fill with mildew and rot. I stared at this and realized my time in -Toni was limited. Toni would mildew, rot, and disintegrate, as had all my -relationships and all of my chances at housing. - -After work I got back to the car and the puddle in the back was bad but in -getting into the car I had left my wet boots on the floor of the passenger seat -so the back was the only place in which I could sleep. My head curved away from -the active dripping I heard the clack clack behind me of rain making its way -through half a dozen layers of duct tape and mockig me before I sat up and just -fucking broke down. I couldn't stay in Toni but couldn't stay anywhere else and -I was out of options and just so fucking tired and cold and damp. There was no -one to comfort me and no solace to be had. My sidekick had left for another -style of adventure, everyone in my life had been either implicitly or -explicitly transphobic towards me, and I had inconsistent access to electricity -and clean water and hadn't showered in a week. It was the lowest point of my -life. To be wet and unable to be dry, to be cold and unable to be warm, to be -so tired and unable to sleep, to be so alone with nobody left. I sobbed like a -baby and didn't care who could hear me, the rain covered the sound and whomever -it revealed my cries could kill me for all I cared - I did genuinely want -someone to just open the car door and stab me, clutch me in a warm embrace and -spill my hot blood over me so I could just be warm for one fatal instant. -Nobody came. I fell asleep. - -And from this dream I wake up to a ceiling so high and a floor so dry and air -unknowing of the sound of dripping agony but acclimated to my sobs which, -though muffled, do still call silently into the night after my hosts have -hopefully fallen asleep. And I don't know how to process being thrown from the -frigid shackles in which I'd been locked into the shocking freedom of domestic -cookie cutter monotony. I don't know how to fathom the stillness. I no longer -need to run but my muscles refuse to atrophy, instead slowly cycling in my -slumber lest I rise back to the street and to another abandoned car in another -parking lot. The gray pavement on which parking lots are drawn knows me better -than any four walls. Ceiling is not my usual blanket. - - -/blah/2023-10-31.html - -: trinity writes a rust hello world - -Where I now find myself living (though to say I live here would be a lie) I am -surrounded by a couple of the smartest people I know, and through some days of -wearing me down I am donning the programmer socks and writing a Rust Hello -World program. - -I am now actually wearing thigh highs. -# apk add rust - -I don't actually know how to get the Rust build system going but this seems -like the best option so I'll go with this which is already packaged for -Chimera. - -Oh, I'll need cargo(1) too. -# apk add cargo - -One of my friends built the Rust book PDF for me which is nice because I can -consult it on my tablet while programming on the laptop. - ->Foreword ->It wasn't always so clear, but the Rust programming language is fundamentally ->about *empowerment*... - -Okay, I get why so many chan-types are so against Rust. But seeing how people -who know Rust use Rust I am sort of starting to get it. It's a high level -language that can be used well for systems programming, basically? - ->To check whether you have Rust installed correctly, open a shell and enter ->this line: -$ rustc --version -Okay. -rustc 1.73.0 (cc66ad468 2023-10-03) (Chimera Linux) -Awesome! - -I don't have rustup so I can't read the Rust docs but I'll probably be around a -web browser when programming so I think it's fine? - -Rust wants me to make a Hello, World! to start, but that's not super practical -code for me. I think I'm gonna start smaller and make a true(1) implementation. - -```rs -fn main() { -} -``` - -Works. - -```rs -``` - -Does not work; there's no `main` function so the program doesn't know how to -execute: - -error[E0601]: `main` function not found in crate `r#true` - | - = note: consider adding a `main` function to `true.rs` - -error: aborting due to previous error - -For more information about this error, try `rustc --explain E0601`. - -I really like the `rustc --explain` thing, this reminds me of Shellcheck. -Compare to the clang error message when compiling the same file: - -ld: error: undefined symbol: main ->>> referenced by crt1.c:18 (../crt/crt1.c:18) ->>> /lib/Scrt1.o:(_start_c) ->>> referenced by crt1.c:18 (../crt/crt1.c:18) ->>> /lib/Scrt1.o:(_start_c) -clang-16: error: linker command failed with exit code 1 (use -v to see invocati -on) - -There's a lot going on here that the beginner (or even proficient C programmer) -doesn't know and doesn't know how to start to know. - -Alright, what about this: - -```rs -fn main(); -``` - -error: free function without a body - --> true.rs:1:1 - | -1 | fn main(); - | ^^^^^^^^^- - | | - | help: provide a definition for the function: `{ <body> }` - -error: aborting due to previous error - -Okay, so `fn main() { }` seems to be the simplest way to do this. How do I -return an exit code explicitly, though, so I can make a false(1) -implementation? - -It was at this point one of the people I know who knows Rust came by and I told -them how I was coming along and they were really supportive of my very meager -progress. - -I found some stuff here: -https://doc.rust-lang.org/std/process/struct.ExitCode.html - -So instead of understanding everything that's happening I'll try just plugging -some code in, StackOverflow style: - -```rs -use std::process::ExitCode; - -fn main() -> ExitCode { - ExitCode::from(0) -} -``` - -TRIN: Can I name you in my blog? Or should I keep saying "it was at this point - one of the people with which I'm staying walked through on its pacing - route"? -MARS: You can say Mars, that's fine. - -TRIN: So you can put a constant on the last line of a function - without a trailing semicolon to return that value? -MARS [paraphrased]: Yeah. It's less to say, "return that value" than it is to - say "this function has this value". Rust is a functional - language disguised as a procedural language. - -Okay, that fucks. ExitCode has a SUCCESS constant I could also use, meaning the -equivalent to C's `E_OK` or whatever the constant provided by stdio.h is, but -I'm wary about using a library-defined constant less it changes because POSIX -does not change (much). So I think this is a good Rust true(1) implementation. -It can be found in src/true/true.rs. And src/false/false.rs: - -```rs -use std::process::ExitCode; - -fn main() -> ExitCode { - ExitCode::from(1) -} -``` - -I just had supper which was delicious, vegan hot dogs and some macaroni my -hosts had left over. They are really delightful. - -Now I wanna make echo(1). This will serve as my HelloWorld as it uses stdout -printing and, beyond the usual HelloWorld, very light argument handling. The -book mentions cargo(1) which I will be using but for now I'll stick to single -.rs files because echo(1) shouldn't have any dependencies. - -It looks like std::env will give me stuff relating to arguments, std::env::args -or std::env::args_os. According to StackOverflow the difference is in typing. -I've heard docs.rs has some documentation but looking at the site it looks like -it only documents third party cargo crates, which are like C libraries but (I -think) included per-project so as to not muck up the system (I hope). I looked -up "rust std env" and found docs.rust-lang.org which has /std/env which was -what I needed. - -The Rust documentation summarizes more thoroughly but, basically, an OsString, -the type instances of which are iterated through by (oh my god this sentence is -a prepositional mess I give up) an OsString is a fat pointer or whatever the -Rust equivalent is while a String is probably just a nul-terminated sequence of -bytes. Implementation-defined of course but Rust documentation notes that -OsString should be converted to a CStr before being used in UNIX system calls. -A nice detail I'm happy to know! I shouldn't have to do any string conversion; -echo(1) should spit out *exactly* what it's given (opinion; implementations -differ) just with space delimiting and newline ending. Hopefully there's a way -for me to print out an OsString without conversion or anything. I need to `use -std::ffi::{OsStr, OsString};` or something like that I think but I'm gonna try -with just `use std::env;` at first. - -The use of echo(1) is defined for argc<2 (print a newline alone; argc can be -zero without consequence here) and argc>=2, so it won't be necessary to return -a value from main(), Rust can just use the default successful value. - -It looks like OsStr and OsString are from std::ffi which provides tools for FFI -bindings. This also notes that the Rust String is also fat and not nul --terminated. It looks like the difference is that OsString represents an "owned -platform string" and an OsStr represents a "borrowed reference to a platform -string". This, I think, relates to memory management and a Borrow Checker -(spooky) about which I haven't gotten around to learning. Rust's std::ffi is -fascinating but while learning Rust I wanna be doing things oxidatiously or -whatever and not doing a thin Rust wrapper and then my usual C bullshit. One of -the things about Rust that excites me is that it seems to be able to make -guarantees about project stability C can't but I don't know much about that -except the stuff Mars has shown me that I don't quite understand. - -So how do I iterate through env::args_os? According to its reference page, -```rs -use std::env; - -fn main() { - for argument in env::args_os() { - println!("{argument:?}"); - } -} -``` -Wow! What the fuck is a println!? According to the Rust book all we need to -know is that the `!` suffix is some Hungarian notation esque marker that -println!() is a macro. The Rust documentation provides a definition, I think, -of println: -```rs -macro_rules! println { - () => { ... }; - ($($arg:tt)*) => { ... }; -} -``` -I think the `{ ... }` notes abridged portions and the [...]` => { ... };` -indicates that one case is triggered by println receiving no arguments and the -other case is triggered by println receiving any other amount of arguments. I -don't know if this is actual code or anything but yeah uh... Rust macros. Cool. -What I was actually interested in is how to print without a newline. I think -there's a macro for that too. -```rs -macro_rules! print { - ($($arg:tt)*) => { ... }; -} -``` -Interesting. The documentation notes: ->Prints to the standard output. -> ->Equivalent to the `println!` macro except that a newline is not printed at the ->end of the message. ->Note that stdout is frequently line-buffered by default so it may be necessary ->to use `io::stdout().flush()` to ensure the output is emitted immediately. -I like the note that `fflush(stdout);` is needed because this bites C beginners -a lot when writing stuff that does something like `printf("> "); -fgets([...]);`. - -I see stuff in here about `.unwrap()` and `stdout().lock()` but I hope I don't -need that because I don't understand it yet. I'm just gonna use print!. So how -do I print! an OsString? And how do I handle argc<2? - -The book chapter 12 actually touches on a lot of this and I stumbled upon it -looking at std::env stuff. Here's a test I can run from the book: -```rs -use std::env; - -fn main() { - let args: Vec<String> = env::args().collect(); - dbg!(args); -} -``` - -I'll modify that a little: -```rs -use std::env; - -fn main() { - let args: Vec<OsString> = env::args().collect(); - dbg!(args); -} -``` -$ rustc echo.rs -error[E0412]: cannot find type `OsString` in this scope - --> echo.rs:4:19 - | -4 | let args: Vec<OsString> = env::args().collect(); - | ^^^^^^^^ - --> /builddir/rust-1.73.0/library/alloc/src/string.rs:365:1 - | - = note: similarly named struct `String` defined here - | -help: a struct with a similar name exists - | -4 | let args: Vec<String> = env::args().collect(); - | ~~~~~~ -help: consider importing this struct - | -1 + use std::ffi::OsString; - | - -error: aborting due to previous error - -For more information about this error, try `rustc --explain E0412`. - -Okay. -$ sed -e '1a use std::ffi::OsString' <echo.rs >echo.2.rs -$ rustc echo.2.rs -error[E0277]: a value of type `Vec<OsString>` cannot be built from an iterator -over elements of type `String` - --> echo.rs:5:43 - | -5 | let args: Vec<OsString> = env::args().collect(); - | ^^^^^^^ value of type `Vec<OsStri -ng>` cannot be built from `std::iter::Iterator<Item=String>` - | - = help: the trait `FromIterator<String>` is not implemented for `Vec<OsString>` - = help: the trait `FromIterator<T>` is implemented for `Vec<T>` -note: required by a bound in `collect` - --> /builddir/rust-1.73.0/library/core/src/iter/traits/iterator.rs:2049:5 - -error: aborting due to previous error - -For more information about this error, try `rustc --explain E0277` - -Oh shit, I forgot to change env::args to env::os_args. -$ sed -e '5s.args.os_args.' <echo.2.rs >echo.rs -$ rustc echo.rs -error[E0425]: cannot find function `os_args` in module `env` - --> echo.rs:5:36 - | -5 | let args: Vec<OsString> = env::os_args().collect(); - | ^^^^^^^ help: a function with a similar -name exists: `args_os` - --> /builddir/rust-1.73.0/library/std/src/env.rs:793:1 - | - = note: similarly named function `args_os` defined here - -error: aborting due to previous error - -For more information about this error, try `rustc --explain E0425`. - -Oops. -$ sed -e '5s.os_args.args_os.' <echo.rs >echo.2.rs -$ rustc echo.2.rs -$ - -So presumably it compiled. -$ ./echo -[echo.rs:6] args = [ - "./echo", -] - -Okay, that debug macro is kinda awesome. The 500K binary makes me kinda weirded -out, what's the size of the actual echo.c (which is the complete program) when -compiled for arm64 (my current architecture)? - -.rwxr-xr-x trinity trinity 9.8 KB Tue Oct 31 21:01:27 2023 🏗 a.out - -This output is prettier than usual because I'm using lsd(1), a reimplementation -of the standard POSIX ls(1). My girlfriend in Florida uses it and it's really -pleasant and color codes some stuff in a way that's very useful. - -10K is a lot less than half a meg. I wonder if Rust is statically compiling -versus relying on system library stuff. I don't wanna bother looking this up so -I'll go ask Mars. - -Its door is closed so I'll look this up. "why are rust binaries so big" popped -up a StackOverflow post that started with "Rust uses static linking" so that -answers my question. I would assume a statically linked C executable would be -about that big, from memory I think this is true but don't wanna bother testing -because I don't have the energy to look up clang arguments. - -$ cc -static echo.c -ld: error: unable to find library -l:libunwind.a -ld: error: unable to find library -latomic -ld: error: unable to find library -lc -clang-16: error: linker command failed with exit code 1 (use -v to see invocati -on) - -Yeah, I'm not sorting that out, I'm not building C stuff on here to distribute. - -I think vec.len() will tell me how many arguments I've received? - -```rs -use std::env; -use std::ffi::OsString; - -fn main() { - let args: Vec<OsString> = env::args_os().collect(); - dbg!(args); - dbg!(args.len()); -} -``` -$ rm echo.2.rs -$ rustc echo.rs -error[E0382]: borrow of moved value: `args` - --> echo.rs:7:10 - | -5 | let args: Vec<OsString> = env::args_os().collect(); - | ---- move occurs because `args` has type `Vec<OsString>`, which doe -s not implement the `Copy` trait -6 | dbg!(args); - | ---------- value moved here -7 | dbg!(args.len()); - | ^^^^ value borrowed here after move - | - -error: aborting due to previous error - -For more information about this error, try `rustc --explain E0382`. - -Okay, so now I'm talking to the borrow checker. Maybe if I assign the length to -a variable it'll work? I don't know what I'm doing. - -```rs -use std::env::args_os; -use std::ffi::OsString; - -fn main() { - let args: Vec<OsString> = args_os().collect(); - let argc = args.len(); - dbg!(args); - dbg!(argc); -} -``` -$ rustc echo.rs -$ ./echo -[echo.rs:7] args = [ - "./echo", -] -[echo.rs:8] argc = 1 - -Okay. I don't know why that works but it does. Something to do with memory -management. That's not a big deal to me because I understand when I do fucky -wucks like -```py -try: print("c = " + str( - (float(input("a = ")) ** 2 - + float(input("b = ")) ** 2) - ** 0.5)) -except ValueError: print("input must be a number") -except: pass -``` -there's a lot of memory shit happening behind the scenes I don't have to worry -about, unlike in the equivalent C where I would have to handle buffer overflows -(I personally would toss the excess and skip to the newline) and string to -float conversion. Rust requiring some steps Python wouldn't makes sense to me -because while Rust is less pedantic it doesn't lie to me (much). - -Let me try something now: -```rs -use std::env::args_os; -use std::ffi::OsString; - -fn main() { - let argv: Vec<OsString> = args_os.collect(); - let argc = argv.len(); - - if argc < 2 { - println!(); - } else { - dbg!(argv); - } -} -``` -$ rustc echo.rs -$ ./echo | hexdump -C -00000000 0a |.| -00000001 -$ ./echo piss shit -[echo.rs:11] argv = [ - "./echo", - "piss", - "shit", -] - -Cool stuff. I don't think Rust has ternaries so I'm not gonna be able to do -language tricks to make the code really compact like my C implementation: -```c -#include <stdio.h> /* NULL, fprintf(3), putc(3) */ -#include <stdlib.h> /* stdout */ -#include <sysexits.h> /* EX_OK */ - -int main(int argc, char **argv){ - - if(*argv == NULL || *++argv == NULL){ - argc = 1; - putc('\n', stdout); - } - - while(--argc) - fprintf(stdout, "%s%c", *(argv++), argc > 1 ? ' ' : '\n'); - - return EX_OK; -} -``` -Something I really like is that whereas in C I note what I use from headers in -comments like a total tool, Rust lets me bring individual structures and -functions in so I can keep track of my dependencies in code alone. - -I wonder if I can -```rs -use std::env::args_os; - -fn main() { - let argc = args_os().collect().len(); - dbg!(argc); -} -``` -$ rustc echo.rs -error[E0282]: type annotations needed - --> echo.rs:5:26 - | -4 | let argc = args_os().collect().len(); - | ^^^^^^^ cannot infer type of the type parameter `B -` declared on the method `collect` - | -help: consider specifying the generic argument - | -4 | let argc = args_os().collect::<Vec<_>>().len(); - | ++++++++++ - -error: aborting due to previous error; 1 warning emitted - -For more information about this error, try `rustc --explain E0282`. - -Okay, how about -```rs -use std::env::args_os; -use std::ffi::OsString; - -fn main() { - let argc = args_os().collect::Vec<OsString>().len(); - dbg!(argc); -} -``` -I guess function::type() specifies the type of which function should be -returning. That sort of makes sense? C doesn't have generic functions like that -but I think I understand some of what's happening there. -$ rustc echo.rs -error: generic parameters without surrounding angle brackets - --> echo.rs:5:35 - | -5 | let argc = args_os().collect::Vec<OsString>().len(); - | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ - | -help: surround the type parameters with angle brackets - | -5 | let argc = args_os().collect::<Vec<OsString>>().len(); - | + + - -error: aborting due to previous error - -Okay. I'm changing that without copying my code because I'm not motivated to do -so. Also the actual errors are probably not byte-for-byte if for whatever -reason you're following along at home (why would you? I don't know what I'm -doing) because my code actually has a ton of snippets commented out so I don't -need to retype everything. - -I made the changes it suggested and the program works. Neat. But do I need that -local variable? -```rs -use std::env::args_os; -use std::ffi::OsString; - -fn main() { - if args_os().collect::<Vec<OsString>>().len() < 2 { - println!(); - } else { - } -} -``` -$ rustc echo.c -$ - -No I don't! Only if I'm using it more than once, which makes sense. I'd like to -forego println!() though because I have a feeling this prelude-provided macro -will do platform-specific things and differ on NT vs UNIX due to line ending -conventions. I don't like that for a program that's supposed to follow POSIX. -It looks like std::io::Stdout exists so I'm gonna use that and put a lock on -std::stdout so I can write to it. I think this works? -```rs -use std::env::args_os; -use std::io::{Write, stdout}; -use std::ffi::OsString; - -fn main() { - let mut stdout = stdout().lock(); - if args_os().collect::<Vec<OsString>>().len() < 2 { - stdout.write(b"\n"); // Rust wants a 'b' prefix - } else { - } -} -``` -$ rustc echo.rs -warning: unused `Result` that must be used - --> echo.rs:8:9 - | -8 | stdout.write(b"\n"); - | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ - | - = note: this `Result` may be an `Err` variant, which should be handled - = note: `#[warn(unused_must_use)]` on by default -help: use `let _ = ...` to ignore the resulting value - | -8 | let _ = stdout.write(b"\n"); - | +++++++ - -warning: 1 warning emitted - -Okay, a note that I should handle the possibility of an error. I don't know how -to do that so I won't, like a true in-the-field professional. - -I guess b"\n" is a Rust byte string. I don't think it's super important just -yet for me to know what that is so I'm gonna assume I'm fine. - -I'm feeling devious. -```rs -use std::env::args_os; -use std::io::{Write, stdout}; -use std::ffi::OsString; - -fn main() { - let mut stdout = stdout().lock(); - if args_os().collect::<Vec<OsString>>().len() >= 2 { - for argument in args_os() { - stdout.write(argument); - stdout.write(b" "); - } - } - stdout.write(b"\n") -} -``` -$ rustc echo.c -error[E0308]: mismatched types - --> echo.rs:9:26 - | -9 | stdout.write(argument); - | ----- ^^^^^^^^ expected `&[u8]`, found `OsString` - | | - | arguments to this method are incorrect - | -note: method defined here - --> /builddir/rust-1.73.0/library/std/src/io/mod.rs:1461:8 - -error: aborting due to previous error - -For more information about this error, try `rustc --explain E0308`. - -So I could look up how to turn an OsString into a `&[u8]` but I need to know -what that is because echo(1) shouldn't be dependent on "proper input" (UTF-1 -should work as well as UTF-8). I checked the std::ffi::OsString methods but -none of them really told me anything I think I can use so I'm gonna look at -std::io. - -Looking at the primitive u8, it's an 8-bit unsigned integer which should be -fine for my uses. The method into_os_str_bytes() should work to convert -std::ffi::OsString into a Vec<u8> but the documentation notes that this is -"a nightly-only experimental API". Whatever, probably fine. - -```rs -use std::env::args_os; -use std::io::{Write, stdout}; -use std::ffi::OsString; - -fn main() { - let mut stdout = stdout().lock(); - if args_os().collect::<Vec<OsString>>().len() >= 2 { - for argument in args_os() { - stdout.write(argument.into_os_str_bytes()); - stdout.write(b" "); - } - } - stdout.write(b"\n"); -} -``` -$ rustc echo.c -error[E0658]: use of unstable library feature 'os_str_bytes' - --> echo.rs:9:35 - | -9 | stdout.write(argument.into_os_str_bytes()); - | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ - | - = note: see issue #111544 <https://github.com/rust-lang/rust/issues/111544> f -or more information - -error[E0308]: mismatched types - --> echo.rs:9:26 - | -9 | stdout.write(argument.into_os_str_bytes()); - | ----- ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ expected `&[u8]`, fou -nd `Vec<u8>` - | | - | arguments to this method are incorrect - | - = note: expected reference `&[u8]` - found struct `Vec<u8>` -note: method defined here - --> /builddir/rust-1.73.0/library/std/src/io/mod.rs:1461:8 -help: consider borrowing here - | -9 | stdout.write(&argument.into_os_str_bytes()); - | + - -error: aborting due to 2 previous errors - -Some errors have detailed explanations: E0308, E0658. -For more information about an error, try `rustc --explain E0308`. - -Okay, I'll add that ampersand the borrow checker desires. I'm not sure how this -works still. -$ rustc echo.rs -error[E0658]: use of unstable library feature 'os_str_bytes' - --> echo.rs:9:36 - | -9 | stdout.write(&argument.into_os_str_bytes()); - | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ - | - = note: see issue #111544 <https://github.com/rust-lang/rust/issues/111544> f -or more information - -error: aborting due to previous error - -For more information about this error, try `rustc --explain E0658`. - -So how do I use an unstable library feature? I'll use the rustc facilities. - -$ rustc --explain E0658 - -This brought me into a manual snippet shown in my configured pager (I think) -with instructions on how to add a feature flag. I then did what it said and -wasn't anywhere better so I wonder if there's another way to turn an OsString -into a &[u8]. - -Then Mars came into the room and greeted me and I asked it how to make this -shit work. Apparently an issue is I'm running stable rustc and in order to use -nightly rustc stuff I need nightly rustc provided by using rustup instead of -the packaged rust toolchain. I don't really wanna do that but I also don't -really wanna give up so I think I'm just gonna make this a shitty echo(1) -implementation that limits input to UTF-8. But first I wanna see how someone -else has done this already. - -https://github.com/uutils/coreutils.git src/uu/echo/src/echo.rs L119: ->pub fn uumain(args: impl uucore::Args) -> UResult<()> { -> let args = args.collect_lossy(); -> let matches = uu_app().get_matches_from(args); -> -> let no_newline = matches.get_flag(options::NO_NEWLINE); -> let escaped = matches.get_flag(options::ENABLE_BACKSLASH_ESCAPE); -> let values: Vec<String> = match matches.get_many::<String>(options::STRING -) { -> Some(s) => s.map(|s| s.to_string()).collect(), -> None => vec![String::new()], -> }; -> -> execute(no_newline, escaped, &values) -> .map_err_context(|| "could not write to stdout".to_string()) ->} - -Those rat bastards did std::env::args.collect_lossy()! Those utter tools! I -imagine this doesn't work for binary data but I don't know and I'm not building -this because I don't wanna figure out how to right now. - -Everyone is going to sleep now except me so I now feel like I need to get an -echo(1) implementation working on this, the first day I've actually started to -learn Rust. I'm just gonna go with std::env::args and Strings. - -Mars also mentioned some Rust types stuff, namely &[u8] being a borrowed slice -of u8s or something. I sort of got it and sort of didn't, I did at the time I -just forgot. Sorry! - -Also it came back out after I wrote that to greet me and then promptly -disappeared. - -This spits out a lot of warnings: -```rs -use std::env::args; -use std::io::{Write, stdout}; - -fn main() { - let mut stdout = stdout().lock(); - if args().collect::<Vec<String>>().len() >= 2 { - for argument in args() { - stdout.write(&argument.as_bytes()); - stdout.write(b" "); - } - } - stdout.write(b"\n"); -} -``` - -This is nice but print!() handles errors I think so I'm just going back to -that. - -```rs -use std::env::args; - -fn main() { - if args().collect::<Vec<String>>().len() >= 2 { - for argument in args() { - print!(argument); - print!(" "); - } - } - print!("\n"); -} -``` -$ rustc echo.c -error: format argument must be a string literal - --> echo.rs:6:20 - | -6 | print!(argument); - | ^^^^^^^^ - | -help: you might be missing a string literal to format with - | -6 | print!("{}", argument); - | +++++ - -error: aborting due to previous error - -Okay. - -```rs -use std::env::args; - -fn main() { - if args().collect::<Vec<String>>().len() >= 2 { - for argument in args() { - print!("{}", argument); - print!(" "); - } - } - print!("\n"); -} -``` -$ rustc echo.c -$ ./echo hello world -./echo hello world - -The issue is the first argument is coming along for the ride in that for loop. -How do I skip the first iteration of an iterator? - -[trial and error with .rs files and rustc omitted] - -Oh. - -```rs -use std::env::args; - -fn main() { - if args().collect::<Vec<String>>().len() >= 2 { - for argument in args().skip(1) { - print!("{} ", argument); - } - } - print!("\n"); -} -``` -$ rustc echo.c -$ ./echo Hello, world! -Hello, world! -$ ./echo Happy Halloween! -Happy Halloween! - -That's where I'm leaving my Rust education today. And this is day 1. Pretty -good! - - -/blah/2023-10-29.html - -Another journal, in its entirety - -2023-09-?? - -TODO -TODAY -x WORK 1130-2000 -x GRANDPARENTS -* PRACTICE Sx Sy ? S S S Sy S S S [I was practicing writing Ses to make my - handwriting look more like Ditko's] -* DOWNLOAD "PI" -* DOWNLOAD "TRINITY" -* DOWNLOAD "BARBIE" -* DOWNLOAD "OPPENHEIMER" -TOMORROW -x CLEAN [...]'S LAPTOPS -x REPACK + DECIDE WHAT GOES TO C.O. -* TEXT [...]? -LEWISTON -* MAIL [...] EDIBLES -x MAIL [...] LAPTOPS -x MAIL COLORADO -* MAKE SURE MAL'S OK -2023-09-30 -x 2W NOTICE -2023-10-14 -x LEAVE FOR [...] - LEWISTON -x FLIPPER x MODEM -x REPACK x BAG + BIVY - [...] x SD ADAPTER - MAL x CABLES - CALEB x SCOTT - GRANDPARENTS x GOIN POSTAL - [...] [...] -x [...] x [...] -x [...] ~~[...]~~ -x ~~[...]~~ [...] -x [...] - -2023年09月24日 - - Beginning to plot my way out of here... - I'm back because I was overencumbered. Now I've mostly repacked, not -enough to leave but enough to be mobile. I still have too much stuff. - Old socks stick to the bottom of your feet. Your soles meld with the -thread and ache from the dull torture. Old underwear's seams dig into you and -leave marks or acne on your ass. It's unavoidable. - The worst parts of homelessness are the lack of regular showers or -laundry. You can survie without regular showers. Your body stops stinking so -much, your hair stops being oily to compensate for your shampoo, your learn to -live without that feeling of dry freshness. But your clothes rot. Not your good -clothes, if you were smart enouugh to plan ahead and get a wool shirt and -sturdy pants, but the clothes you don't think about - socks, underwear, bras. -Cycling through articles only delays the inevitable. - "du" followed by 17 'h's. "Du"+17*"h" - -2023-09-?? - -Looking at me ' up and down -thick left thigh, '' pupils blown out -I'm leaning onto brick and his pace changes tempo -- -- bitch keep walking \< -decelerates, ' my voice decrescendoes -VV I'll tear your neck open and piss in your windpipe -song of the city plays still and I \< -take out my bubble gum, my flavor's out \< -swallow, chew another, passing kid begins to - open his mouth -bitch keep walking || -and the time goes by \< -leaning onto brick imagining piss in a windpipe -pneumonia \< -car ' after car ' after car \< -bitch keep walking ' -butterfly knife in my pocket \< -no I do not have spare change \< -I don't open my wallet ' -wish I was back in the office ' -yes it's dark and damp but at least \< -there's free coffee ' -bitch keep walking ' -bitch keep walkking \< (don't stop) \< -anywhere other than here \< (there's nothing here) \< -I do not want to fight \< -but if I fight it'll be ^ (quick) \< -but if I fight then I will ^ (win) -->bitch keep walking<- - -everyone packs heat but I pack nothing '' -how many will die ' for a fucking macguffin -t's so pointless but it's a check and my assignment '' -don't ask me again \< -bitch keep walking | || - -six foot three built like a bee -~~~~~~~~~~~ -twelve large holes around my abdomen -~~~~~~~~~~~ -can't touch me -my nest is rot infested -my head is shedding centipedes -call me Blowfly Girl -I want my pestilence degree - -bee threesome -poly pollinators - -2023-??-?? - -it's the end of the line -the line down the road -and I am so thirsty -and I'm so alone -my crimson elegy -falls to the floor -the blood isn't clotting -and I'm letting go - -I've made my fair share -of crossings the street -and all for attention -but it never mattered to me -when I needed space -I was given so little -when I hit my rock bottom -you said it was the middle -and I walked the line -the line down the road -because I was so hungry -now I'm so alone -the rations were scarce -and the others hardly rational -I need unconditional love -but to you it's transactional - -it's the end of the line -the line down the road -I used a rusty knife -I'm not worried about tetanus anymore -and I've formed a puddle -I'm curled in a ball -everything's uncomfortably sticky -but I'm not worried at all -and when one day they ask -if my passing was mourned -you better look them in the eye -and say you wish you caught the warnings -and the casket carriers marched -me from my rest to my grave -and I lay there lazily motionless -as you'd say, I slept too late -and now I'm late and they've formed a line -the line down the road -to witness my drained body -as I'm still, so alone - -2023-??-?? - -one don't you touch me -don't you -don't you touch me -don't you -ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding -don't you fucking cross that line -dark avenue alley -three hundred year old -don't you fucking cross that line -I'm a Hollywood star -you ungreatful little -A------------------- -this night -is the last night -is the last night -I'm alone -there is no one -baby no one -I am the one -so alone -wretched -in my harbor -and my dark -dark avenue -and the needle -sewing needle -I'm your pillow -in you go -~~~~ -don't you -fucking touch me -fucking touch me -warm pillow -don't you -fucking touch me -fucking touch me -warm ~~~~~ below -~~~ -don't you -fucking hurt me -fucking hurt me -down below -don't you -fucking shoot me up -your loading -gun below - -2023-??-?? - -I LIE HERE IN A POOL OF MYSELF -THE WATER IS COLD AND DROWNS THE NOISE OUT -I FOLLOWED THE LINE JUST TO GET HERE TODAY -NOW THE BLADE'S ON THE FLOOR AND I LINGER IN PAIN - -I LIE HERE IN A POOL OF MYSELF -THE CHOIR IS FAINT AND THE SIRENS FADE OUT -IT'S THE END OF THE LINE AND SO DESPERATELY -I TRACED IT INTO THE FAINTLY BLUE VEIN - -WHO KILLED ME? YOU KILLED ME -WHO PULLED THE YOU PULLED THE -TRIGGER AT NOON? TRIGGER AT NOON -WHO KILLED ME? YOU PUSHED ME -ANGELS BECKON ME INTO THIS HELL -INTO THE GLOOM BECKONING YOU TOO -IT'S SO MURKY IT'S SO MURKY -I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME -TO KNOW WHODUNNIT TO SAY I'M SORRY -JUST TELL ME I'M NOT READY -PREACH MY FATE TOUCH MY FACE -AND HAIL TO THE SUN AND THEN SAY IT'S DONE - -I LIE HERE IN A POOL OF MYSELVES -RECKLESS DICHOTOMY NEVER WORKED OUT -IT'S THE END OF THE SHOW AND THE CURTAINS COME DOWN -I'M THIRSTY BUT IT'S QUIET NOW - -2023-10-23 - -panel 1: [person running], thinking: GOD DAMN NECESSARY EXERCISE -panel 2: [person in baseball cap behind other person, under a starry night] -panel 3: [person in baseball cap]: I WONDER HOW MUCH BLOOD THAT GUY HAS -panel 4: [x] - -[5 legged cat cartoon] - -[happy kitty cartoon] - -2023-10-26 - -TEXT [...] [x] P.O. BOX [-] - V / | V - APPLY FOR JOBS [x] | I.D. - | V -[...]'S TIRE [ ] | MEDICAID -V PHOTOGRAPHY [x] | -PINEPHONE OS [ ] | [...] LUNCH [-] TOMORROW - | V -MOP [ ] CASH [x] \ LIBRARY - V V -[...] LIBRARY CARD - -[...] 1072 - [...] - - 1068 - [...] - -2023-10-?? - -P.O. BOX - | - '----> get proof of having - P.O. box - | - V -https://dmv.colorado.gov/documents - -"Homeless applicants without a residential -address must provide a letter from -a government entity, or not-for- -profit organization with its letterhead -showing the facility's name, address, -and telephone number, including the -legal representative's name, signature, -and signature date. The letter must -state, 'will accept delivery of mail -for the customer.'" - -2023-10-26 - -THURS 10-27 -[...] lunch - -FRI 10-28 - -SAT 10-29 -[...] & [...] out for party afternoon/eve - -SUN 10-30 - -2023-10-?? - -Emulsify, motherfucker! - --- Mx. Clean - -2023-10-?? - -Deven Trinity Blake is currently -physically resident at - -2023-10-?? - -PINEBUDS - _____ _____ -| . . | | . . | -| . ._|_ _|_. . | -| / \ / \ | -|_L_\_*_/ \_*_/_R_| - - TX RX TX RX - 5V Gnd 5V Gnd - -2023-10-?? - -[...] [...] -[...] [...] - - -/blah/2023-10-27.html - -Someone killed a couple dozen people in my hometown a week or two after I left. -They did it with an assault rifle and went to the bowling alley where in my -childhood I attended birthday parties and a bar or something near a place at -which I used to work. - -My gut reaction is very callous because I was treated very poorly in this -hometown. I and many of my friends were harrassed by the police that are now -being lauded for their unsuccessful work on finding the perpetrator of this -mass killing who fled or possibly committed suicide. On one of the streets on -which innocent people were shot en mass I was chased out of tree cover under -which I was sleeping by someone who yelled at me that they were going to kill -me because I was homeless. I know more people than were killed who died from -lack of resources and lack of help in the same town who were equally innocent. -I feel for the residents of Lewiston, Maine. I feel for the families and -friends of those who lost their lives and I am sad for those who died. But -rather than draw attention to the mental health crisis and resulting drug -crisis in Maine and helping those who are needy and suffering this slaughter -which is unprecedented in Maine history will likely be used to argue for -stricter gun laws in a refreshingly free state, and I find that really -unfortunate. However I will not ever return to Lewiston, Maine, ever, for any -reason. Once I'm established here I'm going to make a fake background and -forget I ever came from Maine. I want to never again be associated with the -place that bore me. I say this as a Mainer and as a Mainer this will be my last -thought. - -I'm finding employment here, far away from Maine, and I have found a happiness -I have never known and didn't know existed. I am now of here and here is -beautiful. - -2023-10-26 - -[1307] trinity: mountain far above - rising against the sun's fall - tell me where it's home - - -/blah/2023-10-25.html - -Trinity: The [Pinephone] will turn on in your pocket and then die. -Mars: It's just like me, narcoleptic and suicidal. - - -/blah/2023-10-23.html - -: i just want to play the cannibalism game - -Here's the current plan - - __ Linux (arm64) ______________________________________ -| Chimera | -| __ X11 ____________________________________________ | -| | __ QEMU _______________________________________ | | ; # apk add qemu-\ -| | | | | | ; system-arm -| | | __ Linux (armhf) __________________________ | | | ; $ git clone \ -| | | | | | | | ; https://github.com\ -| | | | | | | | ; /dhruvvyas90/qemu-\ -| | | | | | | | ; rpi-kernel -| | | | Raspberry Pi OS | | | | ; $ curl -O http://\ -| | | | | | | | ; downloads.\ -| | | | | | | | ; raspberrypi.org/\ -| | | | | | | | ; raspios_full_armhf\ -| | | | | | | | ; /images/raspios_\ -| | | | | | | | ; full_armhf-2021-11\ -| | | | | | | | ; -08/2021-10-30-\ -| | | | | | | | ; raspios-bullseye-\ -| | | | | | | | ; armhf-full.zip -| | | | | | | | ; $ unzip 2021-10-30\ -| | | | | | | | ; -raspios-bullseye-\ -| | | | | | | | ; armhf-full.zip -| | | | __ X11 ________________________________ | | | | -| | | | | __ Box86 __________________________ | | | | | -| | | | | | __ WINE _______________________ | | | | | | -| | | | | | | | | | | | | | -| | | | | | | The Coffin of Andy and Leyley | | | | | | | -| | | | | | |_______________________________| | | | | | | -| | | | | |___________________________________| | | | | | -| | | | |_______________________________________| | | | | -| | | |___________________________________________| | | | -| | |_______________________________________________| | | -| |___________________________________________________| | -|_______________________________________________________| - -Nevermind, I used [...]'s computer to boot Windows 10 and play it. It took me -two hours and I finished in one sitting. What an excellent game. - -[ 8:59 PM] trinity: finished episodr 1 -[ 9:00 PM] trinity: fuck. i should make andy my pfp -[ 9:00 PM] [...]: real -[ 9:00 PM] trinity: doing it -[ 9:00 PM] trinity: l8r -[ 9:00 PM] trinity: gotta play gamez -[ 9:00 PM] [...]: @[...] see u can match w/ trin now too -[ 9:04 PM] [...]: wyh -[ 9:04 PM] [...]: huh -[ 9:04 PM] [...]: hfbd -[ 9:04 PM] [...]: hsha -[10:16 PM] trinity: kin andy -[...] -[10:19 PM] trinity: god FUCK -[10:20 PM] trinity: how can there be such a perfect game -[10:20 PM] [...]: I KNOW -[10:20 PM] trinity: took me 2hrs to finish -[10:20 PM] [...]: it's so fucking good -[10:21 PM] [...]: can i be the third sibling -[10:21 PM] trinity: third? -[10:21 PM] trinity: kin andrew* - -I cannot describe my thoughts on this game here where it will be associated -with my real identity. - - -/blah/2023-10-22.html - -: more adventures trying to run a .exe file - -So long as you can get QEMU. -qEMU? -qEmu? -QEMU according to its website. - -I grabbed the RAR file of this Windows game and now I desperately want to run -it because it looks really cool. Now that I figured out unRARing it's time to -play it. However WINE (an API conversion layer from Win32 to Linux+other OSes) -won't work on the Raspberry Pi because this is an ARM processor which can't -execute x86 code, even if the API calls are translated. So I've decided this -game warrants mucking around in a lot of complicated compatibility shims. - -The stack will look something like this: - - __ Raspberry Pi 4B+ 8GB _______________________________ -| | -| __ Linux __________________________________________ | ; I'm including the -| | | | ; kernel as its own -| | Chimera | | ; layer-maker -| | __ X11 server _________________________________ | | ; because QEMU will -| | | | | | ; be booting the -| | | WINE display<---------------------------------------. ; kernel image -| | | __ urxvt __________________________________ | | | | ; itself without a -| | | | | | | | | ; bootloader and -| | | | __ QEMU amd64 _________________________ | | | | | ; from the kernel -| | | | | | | | | | | ; init etc will be -| | | | | __ Linux __________________________ | | | | | | ; spawned. The -| | | | | | | | | | | | | ; Raspberry Pi also -| | | | | | Alpine | | | | | | | ; basically just -| | | | | | __ WINE _______________________ | | | | | | | ; boots the kernel -| | | | | | | ^-(X11 client)--------------------------' ; image sans loader -| | | | | | | | | | | | | | ; because U-Boot. -| | | | | | | The Coffin of Andy and Leyley | | | | | | | ; The details -| | | | | | | | | | | | | | ; mentioned are the -| | | | | | |_______________________________| | | | | | | ; ones I expect to -| | | | | | | | | | | | ; add non-trivial -| | | | | |___________________________________| | | | | | ; overhead to -| | | | | | | | | | ; processor load, -| | | | |_______________________________________| | | | | ; which might be a -| | | | | | | | ; problem in -| | | |___________________________________________| | | | ; practice. -| | | | | | -| | |_______________________________________________| | | -| | | | -| |___________________________________________________| | -| | -|_______________________________________________________| - -This seems fine! - -I had sex four times tonight and this is what I'm doing with the clarity. - -So the first order of business is QEMU. This is packaged for Chimera in -multiple variants. I don't know what I'm doing so I looked it up and I think I -need qemu-system-* because I'm emulating the processor as well as the software. -# apk add qemu-system-x86_64 - -Now I need Alpine. I think it comes in really small images for containers. -$ curl -O https://dl-cdn.alpinelinux.org/alpine/v3.18/releases/x86_64/\ -alpine-virt-3.18.4-x86_64.iso - -Let's try booting. -$ qemu-system-x86_64 -cdrom alpine-virt-3.18.4-x86_64.iso -Error relocating /lib/libspice-server.so.1: __aarch64_ldadd4_acq_rel: symbol no -Error relocating /lib/libspice-server.so.1: __aarch64_ldset4_acq_rel: symbol no -Error relocating /lib/libspice-server.so.1: __aarch64_ldclr4_acq_rel: symbol no -Error relocating /lib/libspice-server.so.1: __aarch64_cas4_acq_rel: symbol not - -Hm. Same thing as root. Maybe I need a kernel image outside of the ISO? Let me -try something: -$ curl -O https://dl-cdn.alpinelinux.org/alpine/v3.18/releases/x86_64/\ -alpine-minirootfs-3.18.4-x86_64.tar.gz -$ tar tf alpine-minirootfs-3.18.4-x86_64.tar.gz | head -./ -./sys/ -./srv/ -./run/ -./root/ -./opt/ -./mnt/ -./media/ -./media/usb/ -./media/floppy/ -$ mkdir amd64 -$ <alpine-minirootfs-3.18.4-x86_64.tar.gz gzip -cd | tar x -C amd64 -$ man -k qemu -qemu(1) - QEMU User Documentation -qemu-img(1) - QEMU disk image utility -qemu-storage-daemon(1) - QEMU storage daemon -virtfs-proxy-helper(1) - QEMU 9p virtfs proxy filesystem helper -qemu-block-drivers(7) - QEMU block drivers reference -qemu-cpu-models(7) - QEMU CPU Models -qemu-ga-ref(7) - QEMU Guest Agent Protocol Reference Contents 0.0 • 2 QEMU Gu -qemu-qmp-ref(7) - QEMU QMP Reference Manual Contents 0.0 • 2 QEMU QMP Referen -qemu-storage-daemon-qmp-ref(7) - QEMU Storage Daemon QMP Reference Manual Con -qemu-ga(8) - QEMU Guest Agent -qemu-nbd(8) - QEMU Disk Network Block Device Server -$ man qemu # brb... -$ ls amd64 | grep linux -$ # fuck... I'm just gonna look up a tutorial - -The good news is I don't think X forwarding will be necessary so that saves a -lot of trouble. The bad news is I don't know what I'm doing and am tired so -this will wait for tomorrow. - -https://git.sr.ht/~sircmpwn/builds.sr.ht/tree/master/item/images/alpine/genimg -How does Drew do it? - -It was at this point the file got corrupted so here's my reconstruction of this -section based on the nvim swapfile: - -I return well rested, ten hours later. -# apk add qemu-img - -[ 1:20 AM] trinity: trying to figure out qemu -[ 1:20 AM] trinity: not going well -[ 1:21 AM] trinity: trying again with the sun up -[ 1:21 AM] [...]: I remember I used that for the class where we - re-implemented a lobotomized risc-v operating system -[ 1:22 AM] trinity: i just wanna play this rpgmaker game -[ 1:24 AM] [...]: which one? -[ 1:29 AM] trinity: coffin of andy and leyley -[ 1:29 AM] trinity: i think i can figure this out tomorrow -[ 1:29 AM] trinity: \/when i wake up -[ 1:29 AM] [...]: why do you need qemu to run a rpgmaker game? -[ 1:30 AM] [...]: they run in wine -[ 1:30 AM] [...]: someone must have built some wrapper for them if - wine/proton does not work -[ 1:30 AM] [...]: you just need the fonts -[ 1:31 AM] [...]: also I remember running touhou mother in easyrpg on my - steam deck -[ 1:31 AM] trinity: not on arm64 -[ 1:31 AM] [...]: oh i see -[ 1:32 AM] [...]: WHYYYYYYYY -[ 1:32 AM] [...]: WHY HAS THIS SPREAD SO FAR -[ 1:32 AM] [...]: is that the incest canibalism one? -[ 1:33 AM] [...]: no comment -[ 1:33 AM] [...]: :3 - -Drew bootstraps an extremely minimal Alpine x86_64 image with just enough -packages to self-host. However in the genimg script there is this one line: -30 dd if=/usr/share/syslinux/mbr.bin of=/dev/nbd0 bs=1 count=440 -which relies on there being an existing SYSLINUX installation on the host. This -won't work on ARM64 for which there is no SYSLINUX and Chimera doesn't have a -GCC x86_64 cross compiler packaged and I don't wanna have to compile gcc for -this so I'm just gonna find a way that's different from Drew's way. - -I'm gonna try using the standard ISO now because that should have a kernel and -means to boot on x86_64 already. I wonder if I can boot it as a live system and -no shit it has no X server. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad to install? - -Fuck this shit. I'm just gonna figure out Box86. - -Actually Box64 because I don't wanna figure out armhf stuff today. - -; doas gmake -[ 1%] Building C object CMakeFiles/interpreter.dir/src/emu/x64run.c.o -/usr/local/src/box64/src/emu/x64run.c:1351:47: error: expected expression - emu->segs[_ES] = *(__uint16_t*)(((char*)ED)+4); - ^ -/usr/local/src/box64/src/emu/x64run.c:1351:36: error: use of undeclared identif -ier '__uint16_t' - emu->segs[_ES] = *(__uint16_t*)(((char*)ED)+4); - ^ -/usr/local/src/box64/src/emu/x64run.c:1364:47: error: expected expression - emu->segs[_DS] = *(__uint16_t*)(((char*)ED)+4); - ^ -/usr/local/src/box64/src/emu/x64run.c:1364:36: error: use of undeclared identif -ier '__uint16_t' - emu->segs[_DS] = *(__uint16_t*)(((char*)ED)+4); - ^ -4 errors generated. -gmake[2]: *** [CMakeFiles/interpreter.dir/build.make:76: CMakeFiles/interpreter -.dir/src/emu/x64run.c.o] Error 1 -gmake[1]: *** [CMakeFiles/Makefile2:113: CMakeFiles/interpreter.dir/all] Error -2 -gmake: *** [Makefile:166: all] Error 2 - -it is all so tiresome. This also matters less because I'm gonna need Box86 -anyway. Maybe I should make a QEMU virtual machine for Raspberry Pi OS, install -Box86 and Box86's packages on that, and then have it all nice and dandy? -# apk add qemu-system-arm -# apk del qemu-system-x86_64 - -End recovered segment. - -I'm gonna use the armhf image because I don't think this EXE is 64-bit and -it'll cut out all of the compat stuff. -$ curl https://downloads.raspberrypi.com/raspios_armhf/images/\ -raspios_armhf-2023-10-10/2023-10-10-raspios-bookworm-armhf.img.xz \ - | xz -cd \ - >2023-10-10-raspios-bookworm-armhf.img -1238MB... jeez... time to plug in the laptop fan -The tutorial I'm following provided a link to a GitHub repo with a Raspberry Pi -QEMU Linux kernel image which is awesome. Except there's no Linux 6.1 so I'm -gonna have to go a version behind. This is all to play one video game so we can -move fast and break things without risking all hell breaking loose. -$ rm 2023-10-10-raspios-bookworm-armhf.img -Except where are the old OS versions? I can't find them on the Raspberry Pi -website. -Found by looking up, good old no-TLS HTTP: http://downloads.raspberrypi.org/ -The newest kernel provided by the GitHub repo is 5.10.63, which corresponds -according to the Raspberry Pi OS Full armhf release notes (raspios_full_armhf -/release_notes.txt) to the 2021-10-30 release. But that download isn't in this -HTTP source. I think 5.4.51, which is provided in the repo, will work with -2020-08-24, though that version isn't mentioned in the release notes, because -the release notes' mentioned 2020-08-20 does have that version. The issue is -the release notes' dates don't line up with the actual downloads provided. -Strange. Whatever. Let's just try this and hope it works. -Oh, what the fuck? The dates in the folders are different? fucking hell -look at this fucking URL: - -http://downloads.raspberrypi.org/raspios_full_armhf/images/ -raspios_full_armhf-2020-08-24/ <- 2020-08-24 -2020-08-20-raspios-buster-armhf-full.info <- WTF????? - -I'm so tired and just want to read about hot cartoon characters butchering -people. Kernel 5.10.63! 2021-10-30! Of course, in the 2021-11-08 folder! I -should have known! -$ curl -O http://downloads.raspberrypi.org/raspios_full_armhf/images/\ -raspios_full_armhf-2021-11-08/2021-10-30-raspios-bullseye-armhf-full.zip -$ # .zip? are you kidding me? 3.0GB??? This is gonna be an hour download... - -Fucking hell. See you tomorrow. - - -/blah/2023-10-21.html - -: fuck unrar - -I run Chimera Linux, an Alpine-based operating system still in its very early -stages but stable enough that I trust it for my meager, mostly console and X11 -based workflow. It can run a C compiler, so good enough for me. The only issue -is, despite being based on Alpine, a popular operating system not for desktop -but for embedded environments like containers, for which a lot of software is -packaged and available in system repositories, Chimera does not have a lot of -packages. I'm going to package UNRAR, a non-free ("freeware") tool that has no -dependencies aside from the C++ standard library, to get a feel for Alpine -packaging. - -UNRAR is an almost delightful little tool with the unfortunate, heinous problem -of being non-free, and its license forbidding the use of the provided source -code for reimplementation - otherwise I would just rewrite it in sane C89 -without encumbrence. But we don't need to read the source code in order to -compile the C++. - -The Alpine Wiki section on Creating an Alpine package says to apk add -alpine-sdk but Chimera has no such thing so hopefully that's fine. It says to -check out the aports tree but I don't want to put my packages upstream (dealing -with large software projects is tiresome and I know Chimera is in a constant -state of flux). - -I did this: - -# mkdir -p /var/cache/distfiles -# chmod a+w /var/cache/distfiles - -I now need abuild-keygen according to the wiki but it isn't installed. -$ apk search abuild-keygen -pulled up nothing. Nor did a package contents search. Maybe it's fine? On a -whim I searched cbuild* in the contents search and found apk:base-cbuild-progs. -# apk add base-cbuild-progs -(1/1) Installing base-cbuild-progs (0.1-r2) -OK: 2083 MiB in 896 packages - -On the Chimera Linux website I found the Chimera-specific packaging stuff. -There is a cports repository with Packaging.md but it's kind of long so I'll -use it as a reference while following the less complete Alpine guide. This is -the rat bastard approach to software but I am doing this for my own uses and -for pleasure and I don't wanna spend five hours contributing to this project -right now because I am tired. - -I need newapkbuild but don't have it so I'll try to find the default template -on-line or go off an existing thingy. - -I found contrib/jq/template.py so I'll copy that. - -pkgname = "unrar" - -What's the pkgver? - -$ cd /usr/local/src/unrar --sh: 5: cd: can't cd to /usr/local/src/unrar -$ cd /usr/local/src -$ ls -$ -Connection to tebibyte.media closed. -; # oops -; cd /usr/local/src/unrar -; cat version.hpp -#define RARVER_MAJOR 6 -#define RARVER_MINOR 24 -#define RARVER_BETA 1 -#define RARVER_DAY 17 -#define RARVER_MONTH 9 -#define RARVER_YEAR 2023 -# apk del qemu-system-x86_64 - - -/blah/2023-10-21.html - -: fuck unrar - -I run Chimera Linux, an Alpine-based operating system still in its very early -stages but stable enough that I trust it for my meager, mostly console and X11 -based workflow. It can run a C compiler, so good enough for me. The only issue -is, despite being based on Alpine, a popular operating system not for desktop -but for embedded environments like containers, for which a lot of software is -packaged and available in system repositories, Chimera does not have a lot of -packages. I'm going to package UNRAR, a non-free ("freeware") tool that has no -dependencies aside from the C++ standard library, to get a feel for Alpine -packaging. - -UNRAR is an almost delightful little tool with the unfortunate, heinous problem -of being non-free, and its license forbidding the use of the provided source -code for reimplementation - otherwise I would just rewrite it in sane C89 -without encumbrence. But we don't need to read the source code in order to -compile the C++. - -The Alpine Wiki section on Creating an Alpine package says to apk add -alpine-sdk but Chimera has no such thing so hopefully that's fine. It says to -check out the aports tree but I don't want to put my packages upstream (dealing -with large software projects is tiresome and I know Chimera is in a constant -state of flux). - -I did this: - -# mkdir -p /var/cache/distfiles -# chmod a+w /var/cache/distfiles - -I now need abuild-keygen according to the wiki but it isn't installed. -$ apk search abuild-keygen -pulled up nothing. Nor did a package contents search. Maybe it's fine? On a -whim I searched cbuild* in the contents search and found apk:base-cbuild-progs. -# apk add base-cbuild-progs -(1/1) Installing base-cbuild-progs (0.1-r2) -OK: 2083 MiB in 896 packages - -On the Chimera Linux website I found the Chimera-specific packaging stuff. -There is a cports repository with Packaging.md but it's kind of long so I'll -use it as a reference while following the less complete Alpine guide. This is -the rat bastard approach to software but I am doing this for my own uses and -for pleasure and I don't wanna spend five hours contributing to this project -right now because I am tired. - -I need newapkbuild but don't have it so I'll try to find the default template -on-line or go off an existing thingy. - -I found contrib/jq/template.py so I'll copy that. - -pkgname = "unrar" - -What's the pkgver? - -$ cd /usr/local/src/unrar --sh: 5: cd: can't cd to /usr/local/src/unrar -$ cd /usr/local/src -$ ls -$ -Connection to tebibyte.media closed. -; # oops -; cd /usr/local/src/unrar -; cat version.hpp -#define RARVER_MAJOR 6 -#define RARVER_MINOR 24 -#define RARVER_BETA 1 -#define RARVER_DAY 17 -#define RARVER_MONTH 9 -#define RARVER_YEAR 2023 - -I guess it doesn't matter because the download link says 6.12.2, so I'll just -put that. Maybe I have a different version. I don't care. - -pkgver = "6.12.2" # -pkgrel = 0 # default -build_style = "makefile" -make_cmd = "gmake" # this probably doesn't matter, it worked with bmake too -make_dir = "." -hostmakedepends = [ "gmake" ] -pkgdesc = "Extracts from RAR archives" -maintainer = "trinity <trinity@trinity.moe>" -# license is tricky. how does alpine do it? -# checked. alpine does not do it, because unrar is non-free - -What is this license, anyway? - -; cat license.txt - ****** ***** ****** UnRAR - free utility for RAR archives - ** ** ** ** ** ** ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ - ****** ******* ****** License for use and distribution of - ** ** ** ** ** ** ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ - ** ** ** ** ** ** FREE portable version - ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ - - The source code of UnRAR utility is freeware. This means: - - 1. All copyrights to RAR and the utility UnRAR are exclusively - owned by the author - Alexander Roshal. - - 2. UnRAR source code may be used in any software to handle - RAR archives without limitations free of charge, but cannot be - used to develop RAR (WinRAR) compatible archiver and to - re-create RAR compression algorithm, which is proprietary. - Distribution of modified UnRAR source code in separate form - or as a part of other software is permitted, provided that - full text of this paragraph, starting from "UnRAR source code" - words, is included in license, or in documentation if license - is not available, and in source code comments of resulting package. - - 3. The UnRAR utility may be freely distributed. It is allowed - to distribute UnRAR inside of other software packages. - - 4. THE RAR ARCHIVER AND THE UnRAR UTILITY ARE DISTRIBUTED "AS IS". - NO WARRANTY OF ANY KIND IS EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED. YOU USE AT - YOUR OWN RISK. THE AUTHOR WILL NOT BE LIABLE FOR DATA LOSS, - DAMAGES, LOSS OF PROFITS OR ANY OTHER KIND OF LOSS WHILE USING - OR MISUSING THIS SOFTWARE. - - 5. Installing and using the UnRAR utility signifies acceptance of - these terms and conditions of the license. - - 6. If you don't agree with terms of the license you must remove - UnRAR files from your storage devices and cease to use the - utility. - - Thank you for your interest in RAR and UnRAR. - - Alexander L. Roshal - -Line omitted before signature because of how this blah is formatted. - -This is fucking bullshit. I'm already in violation of clause 6 because I wish -Alexandar L. Roshal to eat flaming death and be obliterated from this mortal -plane but I won't be fucking anyone over legally by copying the code. - -2021-10-20 - -[ 9:52 PM] trinity: bsdtar WORKS ON FUCKING RAR FILES????? -[ 9:52 PM] trinity: 7z DID NOT DO THE JOB BUT bsdtar DID? -[ 9:58 PM] [...]: that's shocking actually wtf -[10:03 PM] trinity: bsdtar errors out too :( -[10:03 PM] trinity: no unrar package for chimera -[10:04 PM] trinity: not pkgsrcing it because 500 deps compiling on a raspberry - pi -[10:18 PM] trinity: figured out how to build unrar from source. NO DEPS! -[10:18 PM] trinity: for nonfree software it sure is easy build -[10:21 PM] [...]: why somebody would ever use a nonfree compressed archive - format is beyond me -[10:21 PM] [...]: .tar.gz is standard. .arc and .zpaq are fucking insane with - compression ratios. - -2021-10-21 - -[12:12 AM] trinity: i really dont understand use of rar -[12:12 AM] trinity: as mainstream archives go 7z is a lot better -[12:13 AM] [...]: yeah -[12:13 AM] [...]: I see rar used a lot in piracy stuff and I'm not rlly sure - what that's about -[12:19 AM] [...]: wait i can use bsdtar for unrar -[12:19 AM] [...]: pog -[12:20 AM] trinity: unrar works better -[12:20 AM] [...]: i dont have any way to unrar things atm because i - uninstalled unrar for being nonfree -[12:20 AM] trinity: unrar for nonfree software is not very bad. i oughtta just - rewrite it in C -[12:20 AM] [...]: someone has done that -[12:21 AM] [...]: you could build on their work -[12:21 AM] trinity: wouldnt that be free software -[12:21 AM] trinity: fuck actually i dont like unrar's everything i should just - make my own unrar based on the nonfree code -[12:22 AM] trinity: license forbids this :( -[12:22 AM] [...]: violating proprietary licenses is based -[12:23 AM] [...]: unrar (super illegal edition!!) -[12:23 AM] [...]: it doesnt currently work afaik. it works for older rar files -[12:24 AM] trinity: is there much difference -[12:26 AM] trinity: REing rar seems to not be that useful because soon everyone - that uses it will be dead and everyone will be using - something open -[12:27 AM] [...]: idk -[12:27 AM] [...]: rarverse engineering -[12:28 AM] [...]: ill probably just write a wrapper for bsdtar that can be - called on rar files -[12:28 AM] [...]: rawrverse engineewing~ >.< -[12:29 AM] trinity: because unrar, while proprietary, can be compiled with any - C++ compiler and make tool and works with standard POSIX - APIs, i don't think the ability to decompress will be - threatened any time soon. best rebellion is just to decomp - and recomp rar files into better formats -[12:30 AM] trinity: did you know that rawr means i love you in dinosaur - -AAAA I give up. - -Chimera docs say very little about -doc packages, which should have the license -file for the current software if the license is custom, which UnRAR's is. So -license.txt should go in "$pkgdir"/usr/share/licenses/$pkgname/COPYING - -Wait I get it. The cbuild will automagically add that license to the -doc -package for me. Nevermind. So I just have to - -license = "custom" - -def post_install(self): - self.install_license("license.txt") - -url = "https://www.rarlab.com/rar_add.htm" -source = f"https://www.rarlab.com/rar/unrarsrc-{pkgver}.tar.gz" - -Okay, this would probably work, but I don't care to actually button this up and -PR it so that's all it will be. Here's how it looks in my src/Makefile which -works better for my uses: - -# depends on -# apk:g++ -$(PREFIX)/bin/unrar: - git clone https://github.com/pmachapman/unrar.git "$(PREFIX)"/src/unrar - $(MAKE) -C "$(PREFIX)"/src/unrar - $(INSTALL) -Dm0755 "$(PREFIX)"/src/unrar/unrar "$(PREFIX)"/bin/unrar - -To be honest, I copied the install(1) permission from somewhere else. Not sure -if 0755 is the best config. But I don't care because FUCK UNRAR!!!! - - -/blah/2023-10-14.html - -: no filter - -When I started at Burger King in 2020 I started at a location I would learn was -known for its bigotry, low food quality, and exceptionally shitty workforce. -Though most could be known for this, this Burger King in particular was quite -bad at all of those things and I would come to learn its employees gave zero -shits about even the barest of standards. I would see employees drop bottles of -sauce on the ground and pick them up without cleaning them or even changing -their gloves in the process, contaminating food with floor bacteria. Employees -dropping raw chicken using their gloves and no tongs and continuing to make -sandwiches with the same gloves used to touch raw chicken. Cross contamination -between all raw and cooked food and often between their phones, and the floor, -and the food. After the age of 17 I started eating at restaurants a lot less. - -I applied to Burger King as a joke while on call with my Information Technology -class in school in 2020. School during 2020 was, due to the COVID-19 pandemic, -virtual and hosted on-line in Zoom meetings, so on one monitor (a 70Hz NEC -MultiSync) I had Zoom running and on another (a slightly newer, higher- -resolution Acer monitor) I had the Carrols application process. I needed money. -A job - a legitimate job, which I had never had before, nor one where the end -wasn't defined at the start - seemed like an easy solution. I set my -availability to 1700-2000 after school days so I could get 15 hours a week in -three hour spurts, not much but enough to wet my whistle and get a taste for -the work if I wished to continue. - -They gave me a call that day maybe, or the day after. I sounded good on the -telephone so I was brought in for an interview. I arrived an hour early and sat -in a nearby parking lot playing Chocolate Doom on my netbook running Debian, I -think, and trying to page through Simulations and Simulacra though it took me a -month to get through the first paragraph because of how dense it is and the -confusing nature of the initial parenthetical statement. But the general -manager who interview me didn't know that, instead he saw a book with a -confusingly worded cover and a high school student who was also attending two -colleges (officially; taking classes at one and dually enrolled in the other) -and a technical school (for Information Technology) and who wanted to learn to -cook. After forty-five minutes of waiting I went into the building, told them I -had an interview, waited twenty minutes (five minutes past when the interview -was set), and interviewed for ten minutes where the manager clarified some -stuff on my application and hired me on the spot. I accepted. - -The job was meant to be a temporary job, at least when I accepted. It was close -to Staples where I could apply my IT certifications once I finished them and -then mosey my way onto better jobs while going to college. Then while I was -working there the Staples went out of business and I watched one of my -classmates a year ahead of me quit the computer store nearby because the -management was abusive. So I would have no computer-related job. - -My first day, Halloween 2020, a Saturday if I recall correctly, I was sat in -front of a computer after walking across town to the job (this was something -like a ninety minute walk because I was at the time very fat, very out of -shape, and very slow) and spent three hours first filling out my application -and then watching videos explaining the job. - -When prompted for my gender I filled out "Prefer not to say" on the computer, -knowing I was a woman but could not safely come out especially in that school -with those parents and knowing those people. I later watched the same manager -get prompted by the computer to answer the question I didn't. He chose Male. - -I memorized the cards hanging from the ceiling showing how to build the -sandwiches. The Whopper: mayo, lettuce, tomato, onion, ketchup, pickle. Wrong, -actually; mayo, lettuce, tomato, pickle, ketchup, onion. And later the meat -came before the mayo rather than before the pickle. But this explanation is -best for another time. Yesterday, my last day, a co-worker who was there my -first day that Halloween remembered me standing there trying to memorize the -cards. I was green and wet behind the ears and everything else that applies to -those who are new to what they are doing but think they will not only have fun -but quickly become very good at their job. I did neither. - -My first day on the job I was placed in a little-used area of the kitchen and -trained with a classmate from the year behind me on making the Whopper. Grab a -five-inch sesame bun, toast it, take out a paper and place it on the board. -Place the bun, spread mayo on the top bun, add a dusting of lettuce, two -tomatoes, get the patty, four pickles, three rings of ketchup, and three rings -of onion. My turn. The mayo hard a hard time staying on the spatula and I had -to dip the spatula many times to finish spreading it on the bun. The lettuce I -couldn't figure out, I always did too much or too little. Tomatoes, fine, but I -went and grabbed one and placed it, grabbed the other and placed it. Meat, -fine. Pickles, I always grabbed too many or too few, and it took me a moment to -place them. Ketchup I used my forearm to move the bottle rather than the wrist -as I should have. Onions I couldn't grab correctly and it took me a moment to -spread them. My initial time spent making one Whopper was three or four -minutes. - -I came in at probably 1500 or so and left at 1800. I can't say for sure but -that's what I would imagine because my first many shifts were three-hour stints -and this would be from a little after I got out of high school to when the -kitchen started to get busy. The person with which I trained left Burger King -maybe a couple months ago. - -After proving my ineptitude when it came to the kitchen, but being too socially -awkward to interact with customers, I was put on videos again. The videos -explained simple things about sanitation that even at first were clearly not -accurate to what was happening in the kitchen. I naively assumed this -difference came from my coworkers not knowing the contents of the videos and so -started to mention these differences in hopes we could make food properly and -safely. After a little while these corrections started to be less and less well -received. - -I don't remember much of Winter 2020 because I was busy with school, struggling -with my parents - about whom I write very little, because I try not to speak -ill of others - and trying to figure out how to get out of my current and -stifling situation. - -My coworkers frequently used slurs of ableist, homophobic, and transphobic -natures. Among them r-----, f-----, and tr---- were common utterances and I -pretended they didn't affect me despite falling into the categories -particularly insulted by all three profanities. It was the heyday of anti- -Capitalist Twitter and the same time period in which I started engaging with -higher level philosophical thingies like gender accelerationism, anarchism, -juche. The time period where I discovered nuances even in things where I didn't -expect them like the DPRK's place within the world. I knew what the "triggered -Liberal" acted like and I knew what the stereotypical tr---- looked like. My -gender identity was expressed only in private among friends with the exception -of losing a bet I knew I couldn't win and wearing a dress in class. However I -was too fat for it and ended up getting stuck in the dress. I've lost 55 pounds -in the years since. - -Things came to a head when, one day when I mentioned to a co-worker that they -should use tongs rather than their gloved hands to scoop chicken nuggets into a -bag for a customer, that co-worker started to rant about how slow I was in the -kitchen and how customers didn't need their food made well, they needed it made -fast. I responded with my own soapboxing saying that while my food was made -slowly I was one of few that could actually meet basic standards and that a -sandwich made missing a tomato or pickle or with the wrong amount of ketchup, -or a chicken nugget bag missing a chicken nugget or a fry pod filled with too -few fries couldn't justify even the minimum wait for the food and that making a -customer come back to get correctly made food would take even longer than my -making the food slowly but correct the first time. The assistant manager agreed -with me but admitted that management had been discussing ways to get rid of me -because I took too long in the kitchen and was too adamant about things not -being picked up off the ground and tongs being used. - -When, a week later, I mentioned I was thinking about trying another store, they -sent me to the other Burger King location in the town for a 9.5 hour shift, the -longest shift I had worked at that time. When I said I liked it they sent me -for a second shift. That manager said it was great to have me there as one of -their own, and I said that would be cool, wouldn't it, and he looked confused -and asked me if I knew I had been transferred permanently. - -2023-10-13 - -[ 4:36 PM] trinity: this burger king is so funny. it's amazing it functions -[ 4:38 PM] trinity: - ricky: "i say what i want, i have no filter. i dont - care who i offend" - trin: "wow ricky you're so cool for having no self - control" - ricky: "okay, this shit is seriously starting to piss - me off." - **WALKS OUT OUT OF ANGER AT MY JOKE** -[ 4:38 PM] trinity: the assistant manager said holy shit did that really just - happen and this morning told the gm and the gm thought it - was funny as fuck -[ 4:39 PM] [...]: lmfaoo -[ 4:39 PM] [...]: ricky sounds like such a guy -[...] -[10:18 PM] [...]: he got offended - - -/blah/2023-10-08.html - -An angel commits to sin... - -I'm hallucinating, just a little. I think it's exhaustion. Everything is just a -little unreal. - -Yesterday I had a cigarette. The day before I did too. That's four since -starting to quit. - -Today I read Blood Stained Teeth #2-5 (2022). I've recently read The Vampyr -(1816), Tales to Astonish #1-2 (1958), #3-9 (1959), #10-17 (1960), #18-29 -(1961), #30-41 (1962), Fantastic Four #1-3 (1961), #4-5 (1962), The Incredible -Hulk #1-4 (1962), V for Vendetta #1-6 (1988), #07-10 (1989), and the entirety -of Death Note. Oh, also Injection #1-5 (2015), #06-10 (2016), #10-15 (2017), No -Longer Human (2019), and some other stuff. Reading Alias Grace (1996) and quite -enjoying it. - -I've been reading a lot lately. I have a lust for passive but self-paced -entertainment and adult-oriented comic books have been hitting the point -between candy for eyes and food for thought. Particularly V for Vendetta, which -has excellent and distinct artwork, and Blood Stained Teeth which is a visual -fever dream very different from but reminiscent of Panty and Stocking with -Garterbelt, an animation from Gainax. Art overflowing with passion. - -I think Anarchism most closely resembles my political beliefs but I'm not sure. -I don't particularly care about labels but as a word-as-summary they are -useful. When someone falls in the mosh pit you help them up, there's no more to -it. - -[...] has been discussing Zen Buddhism in [...] and it's fascinating, and not -quite what I had thought it was from pop culture education. - -I've been learning Toki Pona passively and it is a very fun language. - -I have my Raspberry Pi set up perfectly. Absolutely perfectly. This is my ideal -setup for a computer. It's such a shame that this is a temporary setup; it will -be replaced by my ClockworkPi uConsole when it comes ("this" being a CrowPi2 -with the disadantage of not having a battery and thus being tethered either to -the wall (via AC adapter) or my power pack (via DC 5525 or whatever it is) -which can't injest power while delivering voltage out of the barrel jack -("power pack" being the Shargeek Storm2 or whatever it's called now). - -I discovered strerror(3) recently and my life has become a lot easier. - -Fight or flight? I flap my angel wings and am spirited away. - -I talked to Usagi for the first time in a while. I was so weird to her. So -weird. And she is still my friend. I was so weird and she has no problem with -it whatsoever. Acceptance is so rare. - -Yesterday I wanted to die. Today I am ready to accept death should it happen to -me, but I will do what I can to prevent it. I don't think I'll ever fear death -but I don't long for it when I'm doing decently. Yesterday I was not doing -decently. I have been cold and nervous for a long while now and have not known -genuine safety since August. My body is in fight or flight mode and has been -for a while. I am less a rabbit and more a hare. - -I've been using Chimera Linux and absolutely love it. - - -/blah/2023-10-05.html - -Today taking my bag of trash out I noticed my old kitchen manager, one of those -partly to blame for my training, doing the same with the restaurant's trash. He -asked me if I'd heard from my sidekick using a name that while attributable to -her was not her herself - too formal and she would say in more words -incongruous [is that a word?] to her being. This was my first red flag of the -day but the person himself is a walking one his own, a Lady Gaga song glorifier -and notorious gossip not to mention lacking in empathy or humbleness, afflicted -even worse by the latter two than myself. - -I cannot think of him without thinking of my training in 2021 when I was -seventeen and he in twenties and I pulled a trash can from one inaccessible -location to a better one and I by himself was pulled aside and told unkindly -not to meddle with any sort of kitchen organization whatsoever, because he was -running the kitchen and his food making ship needed to be tight and -disciplined. Perhaps this was true, but whatever discipline he taught was yet -unaware of the basics of food safety as he gripped the trash bag liner to bring -the can back and forth on wheels from under the preparation table where he kept -it, contaminating the gloves with which he would make food with the retch -byproducts from the junk we organized. - -The same supposed manager, at that time technically the same role as my own -though given authority by that which did have it to give, that would tell me I -was a fool for going from chicken to beef - both cooked - without changing my -gloves and washing my hands, would go from raw meat to cooked comfortably with -contaminated tongs sitting in the no doubt E. Coli plentiful meat well -protecting food from bacteria, and do the same when tending to chicken between -frozen bird and fried. This is extremely common in food preparation and I -encourage any reader not to consume that which you did not produce or at least -prepare. I've never seen the use of preventing food from touching food when -both are flesh and both thoroughly dead and thoroughly cooked, nor have I ever -seen the sense in crossing the dead and preserved with the dead whose food -safety is preserved. Nor have I ever seen how his taking me out of line and -chewing me out for moving a trash can was justified when I was trying to -guarantee the food safety that was not my responsibility but his. - -TRINITY: She's not doing well- I thought it was kind of obvious. You - should talk to her yourself. -[...]: You and she both have this thing where you're rude- whatever, I - guess I'll just go fuck myself. -TRINITY: Enjoy fucking yourself then. - -And then I left on my scooter and heard him say something behind me. My -assumption though not charitable is he made a remark either about my being -transgender or being homeless, both things that while he may accept he is glad -certainly to not experience. But I can't say for sure. And I could say while I -may not have a ceiling or roof, at least I have my heart. - - -/blah/2023-10-04.html - -2023-09-28 I woke up a little after midnight at my workplace to my coworkers -finishing close. I put my backpack on and scooted out and down the hill to find -the old lookout point one of my former roommates had mentioned once. - -The path was blocked by three boulders placed so as to prevent automobile -through-traffic. I walked by them and up the hill through the path. The -streetlight faded behind me and soon I was alone among the dark silence save -for the chatter of the crickets and varied twig-snapping of unseen nocturnal -creatures, the friends of Nowhere, Maine. - -I came to a pile of strewn trash among, if it had been warmer, which would have -been flies I suppose and bits of nastiness that are begotten by nastiness. -Hoping this was the only bit decrepid in this desolation I walked further. It -was cold and I was tired so when I saw the needles and blood I made no reaction -even after my slow realization of what had happened there. - -It was not a place of honor, there was nothing to be had or found there, and -had I known better I would have fled immediately to avoid the fate that had -befallen what was left of whomever that had found ruin among the brush and -uncaring wilderness. This was the fate of the addict when they find an -apathetic owner of a chainsaw and these were the pieces that, should I chose to -indulge in mainlined drugs, will compose myself as well. Dogs or cats or foxes -or wolves had got to what was left but what had happened was apparent. The baby -stroller and diapers and formula pouches told the rest of the story. I stood -for a while comprehending this mess, processing without being able to process. -Nor it being safe to do so. - -My grandmother has no sympathy for addicts though even she wishes they'd get -better and supports the free dispersal of naloxone for those that need it. She -doesn't see why an addict should redose rather than purchase warmth or water, -not to mention inhabit a crack shack rather than find work and hearth and life. -She's smart. She's never looked down drunkenly at an empty bottle or -experienced lethargic purple haze and stupefied daze that accompanies the -shortening of a rolled joint. She's never craved a cigarette like I have. She -couldn't imagine it. She couldn't imagine my knowing the feeling. She can't -answer my questions for her - how sober lukewarm shelter could compare to pure -happiness coursing through a vein, or how hydration could compare to not -needing to care about any need, physical or emotional. Perhaps money can't buy -one love, but there are things a person enjoys more. At least at first. - -I've been through the downward spiral slipping from shelter to smaller shelter -like a sieve, looking only for acceptance and a place to sleep and finding -scarce the former and only more expensive the latter while my pay doesn't -increase nearly as quickly as the cost to live. One shot would kill me years -later after hundreds more, perhaps not as directly the first as the last, but -the first would be my death all the same. I know this. The sound ice makes when -it hits water and feels the sharp difference in temperature accompanied by the -whoosh of butane and naked laugh of the crazed fiend hungry for more pleasure, -more solace, a hoard of catharsis never to be experienced, only kept like a rat -keeps food for winter, and the drawing in of the needle and the flick and snap -of the glass and rubber band and push of it in and the mind out and let the -reason bleed out of you in transparent drool and snot and let the eyes droop -and heart swell with unearned passion. As much as it would be my comfort then -it is my recurring nightmare now. And it's not inevitable, because I will make -it out of this hell before it chains me and loses the key. - -Hyperlinks relating to moulage - -https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/narrenturm -https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moulage -https://www.unmc.edu/newsroom/2014/01/07/unmc-history-101-medicine-in-wax/ -https://blog.unmc.edu/2013/09/04 - /dan-brick-lays-the-foundation-for-realistic-simulation/ -https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/bd - /The_Dead_Pearl_Diver_by_Benjamin_Paul_Akers_2.jpg -https://www.aoc.gov/explore-capitol-campus/art/ulysses-s-grant-statue - -Hyperlinks relating to CrowPi2 programming - -https://github.com/WiringPi/WiringPi -http://wiringpi.com/examples/blink/ -https://github.com/Elecrow-RD/CrowPi2/tree/main/known_issues -https://github.com/Elecrow-RD/CrowPi/blob/master/Examples/segment.py -https://www.adafruit.com/product/877#description -https://github.com/adafruit/Adafruit_LED_Backpack -https://cdn-shop.adafruit.com/datasheets/ht16K33v110.pdf -http://wiringpi.com/reference/i2c-library/ - -[Xlib](https://www.x.org/releases/X11R7.7/doc/libX11/libX11/libX11.html) - - -/blah/2023-10-03.html - -everything sucks so fucking hard - -So. Roommates got evicted. Seeing the writing on the wall I packed my shit up -and left. Now that my repack's done I am now comfortably contained in a -backpack with strapped on sleeping bag and scooter on my shoulder. Where to go -next, though, was complicated. - -2023-09-26 I got out of work and went back to my roommates. They were squatting -and for lack of space elsewhere I slept in the kitchen in my clothes and jacket -next to the litter box. The cats kept staring at me. It smelled like shit and -piss and the cats would paw at the litter to toss it on me. I got an hour of -sleep and went to work early. - -2023-09-27 I got out of work and scooted up the street to a Dollar Tree around -which I scooted and found a nice clear area behind a railing next to a parking -lot. At work I had debated leaving the scooter. It's weight and something else -to carry. Eventually I just brought it though and it lay next to me in the -brush. - -I laid out my sleeping bag, opened a book on my tablet, and silently and -comfortably if a little bit chilly read Hulk comics until I heard a distant -yell. - -You mother fuck! - -I looked up but I couldn't see the source. - -Get out of here! - -Perhaps it was voices. Perhaps it was a trick of the air. I laid back down. I -was wearing all black and my bivy was green against the olive brush. They -couldn't see me. - -I see you out there! If you're still there I'm going to fucking kill you! - -Night had by this time fallen. I sat up and got out my telescope. - -At work I had also considered leaving it behind. - -Two camoflouged cameras against the walls and two doors. The second one opened -and then closed. I was visible and I had probably been made. I began to pack my -stuff, quickly. Then the SUV arrived. Black, big, and it circled the parking -lot like a cat about to pounce on me. It's at this point I strap my sleeping -bag on halfway and with a glance at my former spot I got on my scooter and -sped. It started following me. - -I scooted for a cliff, jumped off my scooter and jumped down onto the wet grass -sliding to a stop. I took the time to strap the rest of my sleeping bag on and -then from that ledge jumped down and scooted down a side street. Left. Right. -Left. Right. Left onto Lisbon St and eventually I was back at work. - -[10:46 PM] trinity: outran an suv on a kick scooter -[10:46 PM] trinity: i am so swag -[11:03 PM] [..1]: i read that in your voice and it made me smile -[11:05 PM] [..2]: gayass - -I was huffing and puffing and tuned my UV-5R to the county dispatch but there -was nothing, city dispatch is encrypted and I don't wanna bother figuring it -out so I assume whoever was after me was not police. - -2023-03-06 - -post meta coital meta cigarette -pixelated bodies having meta sex -meta kids meta hacking both our meta eyes -peeping meta Toms in the same meta lie - - -/blah/2023-09-26.html - -01 "It's pretty nice." Nice didn't begin to cut it. In fact, it was the -most beautiful wax sculpture I had ever seen. It depicted a life-sized nude -woman with intricate detail: hair so fine you could trace individual strands -down to their split ends, make out the scoring of her flesh and the lines in -her palms - including wrinkling that on the animate would indicate lack of -moisture. "Why the injury?" - -3: Is your dog nice? -?: All dogs are nice. -3: Like. Can I pet your dog? -?: That's up to the dog. - - -/blah/2023-09-25.html - -horizontal six letters; poly pollinators -that's a bee threesome. right! -shit you sunk my battleship -red peg in hole strike - -vertical nine letters; alley alligators -that's a crocodile dealer. nice, -i want a pet reptile -but the vet bills are so high - -i keep pissing washing my hands stepping out -my fly is down -i can't finish jack shit -and it's written on my frown -can you bind my knees together and sit me at my writers chair -and bring me coffee daily -and can you pet my floofy hair? no! -well i can't write about that -in a magazine like this -you're describing graphic violence -I write a nature column for the kids -you're reprehensibe -defending serial killers who pass laws -it's upsetting to my senses -from my cat ears to my paws - -pin me by my bee wings 'cause the hive is dying out -repopulate our hexing nest babe breed me til the sun is down -no really! i'm so fucking weak i don't work out and i'm so pettable -tie me up take out a knife and then do something reprehensible - - -/blah/2023-09-23.html - -My paycheck was $548. - -no tape assembly -easy carry handles with lift off lid -strong, double wall construction -reusable - -no tape -we're sticky ourselves -while our words bounce off your skin -they reflect and cut into our shells -so many razor blades in my back -i look like i lost a saw trap -easy carry so easy to get carried away -last time i was told to make them get the message -they almost got carried away on a stretcher -bury a stray -bullet in your heart and lift off the lid -see the lead beat with your organs -warm metal surgery - -the wall is textured like the painter didn't care -because he didn't -your wallet's empty like your broke ass didn't work -because you didn't -bitch keep walking -bitch keep walking -butterfly knife in my right hip pocket -button quietly pops a scooter handle off it -and i have an EMP just in case shit gets rough -you never know what could happen getting groceries -times is tough -bitch keep walking - -AC hum - -a hostess apple pie gets eaten in a rush -"become ungovernable" bitch that's us -sisyphus in zeno's paradox only rolls up -twenty million sisyphuses surrounding the top -any rookie with a boulder is a threat -sell space at the zenith make amateurs pay rent -get defenestrated by straight finesse -another has been for the history texts -and yet -the only ones with the truth -are the ones who can't use it -or the ones who are useless -or the ones who have interests so vested -they can't wrestle their mind away. they lose it -to multibillion dollar trademarked facelessness -empathy's a weapon and capital can't stop testing it -and your heaven sent neolib is already in the dem trenches -"thank bernie for giving the overton window to leftists" -puppet parrot puppy left it for lobby dollar moral debting -netorare - -i've been having car troubles bang bang -from the engine keeps me up bang bang -in the streets keeps me up bang bang -when i find my crew slacking bang bang -knock at the door, classy bang bang -bitch too loud, so i slap him bang bang -in the head disrespecting me bang bang -in the head dissecting me bang bang -in the head expecting me bang bang -in a bitch's head for testing me bang bang -and i'm home and in bed and free bang bang -the metal arm strikes the bell bang bang -shoes hit doorstep on the way out bang bang -get in and start the car bang bang - - -/blah/2023-09-19.html - -I'm tired and I'm not recovering from things from which I should be recovering. -Everything hurts and the bruises are only ever replaced with new wounds. The -bruises aren't even from anything cool like [...] with [...] or [...]. - -I need headpats. - -The Ballad of Sean and Josh - Sean is forty-eight - and Josh was twenty that - when Sean took Josh away - from the closet in the flat - where Josh had made his home - with a dealer selling crack - Sean lived with his ma - and Josh would live alone - in Sean's house room he'd lay - until fin'ly to Sean he said hello - they learned about each one's - - -/blah/2023-09-18.html - - WITH THIS TECHNOLOGY - -[kim jong un holding a floppy disk] - - WE WILL BRING THE UNITED - STATES TO ITS KNEES - -The first time I saw this image macro was in 2012 and I thought it was so funny -I laughed about it for a week. - -Today [...] posted horg.com in [...]. - -The DPRK is kinda swag. - -Once I transcribe all my GitHub repos to either this blah or src I can delete -them and finally have nothing on GitHub. I'm still keeping my account to track -contributions to GitHub repositories but I'm no longer using GitHub for even -things that aren't meaningful. I'm not super up to date on everything with it -but I don't like that CoPilot could be trained on my code and I don't like that -it looks like social media when I log in nowadays. Gotta remove all my stars... - -2018-05-20 - -# GUESSNEXT -A guessing game for the TI-83/84(+). - -## Installation - -### Required software: -- [TI-Connect](https://education.ti.com/en/products/computer-software - /ti-connect-sw "ti.com") -- [TokensIDE](https://www.ticalc.org/archives/files/fileinfo/433/43315.html - "ticalc.org") - -### Installing from the source code: -01. Download GUESSNXT.txt. -02. Install TokensIDE. -03. Open GUESSNXT.txt in TokensIDE. -04. Delete the documentation (lines preceded by a "//"). -05. Remove any empty lines. -06. Compile the program by pressing F5 or going into the BUILD MENU and - selecting 8X>8XP. -08. Install TI-Connect. -09. Plug in your calculator. -10. Open TI-Connect. -11. Open your file explorer and navigate to the directory with GUESSNXT.8XP in - it. -12. Copy GUESSNXT to your calculator. -13. Wait for the copy process to finish and wait an additional ten seconds for - TI-Connect to finish calibration. -14. Unplug your calculator. -15. Enjoy your game! - -## Compatibility -TI-83 - Unsupported -TI-83+ - Should work; untested -TI-84+ - Tested working -TI-84+ SE - Should work; untested - -2018-05-20 - -40 - Disp "OUT OF GUESSES. - 40 + Disp "OUT OF GUESSES.","IT WAS:",B - -2018-05-22 - -16 16 //Main loop -17 17 Lbl B -18 18 Disp D," TO",E,"","YOUR GUESS? -19 - Input "> ",C - 19 + Input "> ",Str0 - 20 + If Str0="B - 21 + Then - 22 + Disp "CHEATER!!! - 23 + Return - 24 + End - 25 + expr(Str0)->C - 26 + Delvar Str0 -20 27 A-1->A -21 28 If C=B -22 29 Disp "CORRECT"," - -2018-05-30 - - 6 6 ### Required software: - 7 7 - [TI-Connect](https://education.ti.com/en/products/computer-software - /ti-connect-sw "ti.com") - 8 - - [TokensIDE](https://www.ticalc.org/archives/files/fileinfo/433/ - 43315.html "ticalc.org") - 8 + - [TokensIDE](https://www.ticalc.org/archives/files/fileinfo/433/ - 43315.html "ticalc.org") (if installing from the source code) - 9 9 -10 10 ### Installing from the source code: -11 11 01. Download GUESSNXT.txt. -[...] -22 22 13. Wait for the copy process to finish and wait an additional ten - seconds for TI-Connect to finish calibration. -23 23 14. Unplug your calculator. -24 24 15. Enjoy your game! - 25 + - 26 + ### Installing a release: - 27 + 01. Go to the releases page and grab GUESSNXT.8xp. - 28 + 03. Install TI-Connect. - 29 + 04. Plug in your calculator. - 30 + 05. Open TI-Connect. - 31 + 06. Open your file explorer and navigate to the directory with GUESSNXT - in it. - 32 + 07. Copy GUESSNXT to your calculator. - 33 + 08. Wait for the copy process to finish and wait an additional ten - seconds for TI-Connect to finish calibration. - 34 + 09. Unplug your calculator. - 35 + 10. Enjoy your game! - -26 - Delvar Str0 - 26 + DelVar Str0 - - -/blah/2023-09-17.html - -[10:33PM] trinity: i like puzzling out timeframes. the more the past makes - sense the more the present does - -I'm twenty years old. Two decades old. No longer teenage by any stretch of the -word. - -Dear future self - - you better be kicking as much fucking ass as I have kicked and am - presently kicking. We have a reputation to keep. - -I was hoping to have a book published by the time I turned 20. I think I tossed -the manuscript. The plot was meandering and while it was serviceable I think -I'm just gonna write something else. - -My paycheck last Friday was $555.28. - -I read Tank Girl and liked it. Tank Girl 2 I liked less but liked a whole lot -more high than sober. Chronologically the next one is the movie novelization -but it's a little harder to find for download and my texts SD card shattered -due to high stress (I get it). - -We arrived at the Orlando Greyhound station, kissed, and I went inside to -double check whether my bus was there yet. They had a different time listed for -my bus than what I had on my ticket so I went to the information desk for help. -They said I needed to jet over to the address on my ticket, which, rather than -the place at which I had been dropped off, that place, which I had foolishly -assumed was the same place I should depart, was a small bus tours business in -an Asian marketplace. So we went over there. - -The car ride took a bit and it was stressed about me missing my bus. I was -stressed too but pretended not to be. I asked if I could get my ticket -rescheduled and the clerk told me in broken English I should catch the bus at -the station we had just left. I said it would be impossible to catch the bus -because it had left by the time we got to Atlanta Bus Tours and the clerk said -that was a real shame because I couldn't reschedule my ticket or get a refund, -but that I should check the Greyhound website. The website was barren except a -cancellation page that errored on my ticket number. - -However before determining I was stranded in Orlando Florida I, heroically, -told my girlfriend it could drop me off and I would Figure It Out. I am averse -to asking for help, severely and perhaps it is terminal without intervention. -But then I would have to bother someone to intervene. I slept that night under -a palm tree across from an abandoned Magic Outlet Mall. I thought this was a -franchise but looking it up it is in fact the one and only Magic Outlet Mall. -The reviews are good. - -The original plan for Orlando was to spend my time browsing the city and visit -a friend in the area (now girlfriend) and the plan slowly morphed into spending -most of the week in a bed and being really well rested. It felt really good to -be well rested, actually. My head was clear. The plan was originally to sleep -in forgotten areas of Orlando but I couldn't have imagined how sparse the city -is. Cities should be dense, naturally developed, zoned curiously and built -vertically where space was no longer available otherwise. Orlando is the -opposite. My time in Florida was the best week of my life despite all of this. -Easily. - -Spotify Playlist: florida -Billy Knows Jamie 100 gecs -Kiss My Own Dick David Shawty, Yungster Jack -dui estelle allen -CREEP U Black Dresses -Tell Me Your Secret death's dynamic shroud -うずまき Machine Girl -I Slept With Someone in Fall Fall Out Boy -Out Boy And All I Got Was This -Stupid Song Written About Me -Somebody's Watching Me Rockwell -Revenge Captainsparklez, Tryhardninja -N95 Kendrick Lamar -Nightcall Kavinsky -Cops and robbers underscores -Loansharks underscores -Old money bitch underscores - -2023-08-28 - -[ 8:53 AM] trinity: fuck plato -[ 8:53 AM] trinity: plato would fuck a mcchicken and say hey guys look i had sex -[ 8:55 AM] trinity: stupid motherfucker - -2023-08-29 - -[12:33 AM] [...]: wgat -[12:33 AM] [...]: what -[12:33 AM] [...]: real -[ 9:05 PM] trinity: full moon. spooky -[ 9:05 PM] trinity: why was i so angry at plato -[ 9:05 PM] trinity: i think i wrote that at a wendys -[ 9:05 PM] trinity: wendys seasoned potatoes sorta fuck -[ 9:19 PM] [...]: cause plato sux - -2018-05-20 - -Disp "GUESSNEXT","CODED BY","DEVEN BLAKE 2018 -Pause -ClrHome -5->A - -//Prepper -Lbl A -5+A->A -Disp "GUESSES:",A -Pause -randInt(1,100)->B -1->D -100->E -ClrHome - -//Main loop -Lbl B -Disp D," TO",E,"","YOUR GUESS? -Input "> ",C -A-1->A -If C=B -Disp "CORRECT"," -//Seperate IFs so as to avoid memory leakage -If C=B -Goto A -If C<B - Then - Disp "TOO LOW - If C>D - C->D - End -If C>B - Then - Disp "TOO HIGH - If C<E - C->E - End -If A<1 - Then - Disp "OUT OF GUESSES. - Return - End -Goto B - - -/blah/2023-09-16.html - -The pages got disorganized in my backpack, so here they are as I dig them out. - -The View from Halfway Down is definitely from before any of the other pages, I -decided to change the name after the person for which I went to Florida noted -it was the name of a Bojack Horseman episode. - ---- - -Homelessness is a crime few want to commit. Dear vagabonds and ruffians, the -former being my category, do, though I thought carefully before deciding. Most -don't. Human beings need creature comforts, consistency, safety. Maybe I'm not -a __real__ vagabond. I'd like housing. I just can't fathom honest safety; -acceptance. - -Salsa shark. - -I'm not a real programmer, not a real writer, not a real vagabond, not a real -human, not a real woman, barely a cook - a bad one, and a burden on my loved -ones. The voices in my head disagree. When did I become the negative one? - -I imagine if I don't catch a bus in 7 hours I will be swept into the ocean. I -understand - no, kin - Dostoevsky. - -I will start asking others to help me. I sort of wish my ancestors stayed in -Finland. But I wouldn't have met [...], [...], [...]... - -Draft kinlist - -- Patrick Bateman -- Ryan Gosling -- ANARCHY Stocking -- IBUKI Maya -- AMANE Misa -- My friend Lily from Maine -- Saul Goodman -- Mike from Breaking Bad -- Mr. Triangle from Gravity Falls -- Charlie Chaplin -- Dostoevsky -- Franz Kafka -- Abandoned Magic Outlet -- Randall from Clerks -- Rorshach - ---- - -Rules for the road: charging - -Charge your biggest battery first. Use it last. Batteries before devices. -If near a power source, use it. 1% is a text message. -Charge as much as possible; if there are as many power sources as you have -devices, all your devices should be charging. -Use 1 device at a time, if necessary, if you can help it. -Internet takes battery. Cell networks take more. - -2117: Departing Jacksonville - ---- - -THE VIEW FROM HALFWAY DOWN (pg. 1) - -My job is to separate the bones. I stand at South Station in front of a -conveyer belt - my conveyer belt, just for me - and dip my hands through the -skim and pick the bones out of the line. The bones go to the vat to my right, -to level twenty-something, where the marrow is extracted and they make the -jelly. The meat, the fat, and most importantly, the blood, go further down the -line and to level 31 which I can see below me. Level 31 is where the content is -homogenized. - -I saw and talked to someone when I was in training. I don't remember its name. -It handed me my scalpel and taught me where to cut. The torso is handled by -those before me, whose work I admire. I admired the eyes to whose nose I -talked. The stainless steel. Smell of warmth. Blood from limb. - -Those before me cut a Y into the chest and take the organs. My turn is already -hollowed so I use my scalpel to - efficiently - extract the bones from the -forearm, the upper arm, calves, thighs. Cut dip pull move. Cut dip pull move. -I can tell when a new hire takes over. The cuts aren't as neat, more is taken -with the organs than necessary. - -It's so loud. Something always needs chopping, grinding. I hear dremels above -me sawing through bone. Everything is red. - -I separate the bones because I was told to do so, and separating the bones is -how I am let live, let breathe, let sip, let eat the meat. My first day is my -breath, my second water, my third my apartment, my fourth this. This meat. - -It is ground and turned to food. People beget people beget me. Simply. I -remember it that begot me. My handcuffs were unlocked in front of a -blue-painted skyscraper, my home. - ---- - -Today I woke up next to [...] -and the [...] -oh, to think, since it's been 48 hours -today's four days long shoulda already been home -I can't remember yesterday, it's sure been a while -Since I asked did we - did you - while reaching for my phone -[...] -it's been two days since yesterday and I still haven't seen [...] -I missed my bus, shit, went to the wrong station -the agent told me there wasn't any way to change it -$250 down the drawin and I slept under a palm tree -a friend booked the next ticket, owed me, now I'll pay the difference - ---- - -machine -and no there won't -be a sequel - ---- - -[grossly inaccurate drawing of the fifty United States - ---- - -THE VIEW FROM HALFWAY DOWN (pg. 2) - -From the top of the skyscraper I heard the bellows of the heavens. The distance -made the roar fade and twist into a melodious drone that seemed to be the tone -of the local crimson soil and the resonance of being. I clutched the railing of -the lift upwards, 33 stories minus none, that carried me into the low ashen -clouds. The noise crescendoed. - -It was halfway up that lift, 16 stories or so, that I met my predecessor. We -made eye contact, me slowly going up and it, stained all over in various films -of scarlet, swiftly descending. In a second I heard vague yowls of excitement -far below me. - -Suicide is the most natural way to die. By choice rather than by chance. In my -opinion to die in such a way as to mix impure brain or spine with meat is to -end in selfishness, to ensure death with one's calories. - -To say nothing of the crime. I stayed on the lift because that is my job and my -duty, and I realize that now. I committed a heinous act. I don't remember it -and naturally could not therefore defend myself. I now commit all my heinous -acts to memory. - -I was a cook. My job was to render meat into meals; patties, stew, sausage, and -sometimes delicacies if a person to me noble came to the kitchen. I thought the -work was difficult. - -I like to think about dying. To be separating my own bones on line. When I die -I'd like my cuts to be beautiful, sharp and clean, by those professional -processors that have honed their craft with their blade. - -Sometimes the bones are broken. Sometimes all the bones are broken. Nothing was -not deafening. But nothing, too, became deafening. The drone joined my silence, -residue in my riddled brain. I lie awake at night, if for nothing else then the -cacophony. - ---- - -THE VIEW FROM HALFWAY DOWN (pg. 3) - -I have been chauffered from place to place, as if I am cattle, since I was very -young. Perhaps it has been this way forever. I love my job. I love the smell. -It may seem unbelievable but it's true, I was raised in the smell, I know the -scent of blood better than flesh, I love the smell. I have also made my peace -with the unending mechanical thunder. I can't hear much else. My fingers may as -well have been tattooed red. Cut dip pull move. - -I don't know where the people came from. Nor do I know whom I would ask. I live -just as well. - ---- - -2023-08-19 T 1400 - -ON A GREYHOUND... - -An hour or so ago, between Lewiston (Maine) & Portland (Maine), the driver -stopped the bus, opened the door, stepped out, took some paces into Maine's -ubiquitous forest, and out of our sight, pissed. - -There's something about commercial transit in this state that makes ya gotta -go, I suppose. - -I'm sitting wedged against my pack and carryon, Lynn, never before mentioned -stuffed IKEA shark, above me, wondering when I can smoke my next cigarette. - -I imagine Lynn is wondering when I'll again quit. - -Greyhound is comfortably, perhaps haphazardly, disorganized. I was hoping I -could stow my pack under the bus. Funny thing about hope... I've been rereading -Watchmen and listening to the driver's radio. 80s? 60s-80s? - -I wanna see [...]. 150mins down. 2790mins to go. At least by my small mental -scratchpad. I'm embarrassed to do the math out on this real pad. I have 3 -calculators... - ---- - - PHONE ATT. - ------------- ------------- -| INT SDA SCL | | SCL SDA INT | -| DCIN 5V GND | | GND 5V DCIN | - ------------- ------------- - ------------- -| 1 _ DCIN ___| -| 2 _ VOUT ___| -| 3 _ GND ____| -| 4 _ SCL ____| -| 5 _ SDA ____| -| 6 _ INT ____| - ------------- - ---- - -2023年08月27日 - -I SHOULD BE ON A GREYHOUND... - -Today is sunday so I guess I'll start from last Monday. - -On the 21st, 1300 or so, I arrived in Orlando Florida, city - city? - of dear -hearts and weak knees. I was here to see a beloved someone and soak up some sun -and have a good time. I've never been to Florida before - in fact, I'd only -been as far as Virginia, which I didn't particularly like. I remember being -disappointed we couldn't go to a Kentucky KFC. How goals change... - -I called an ex-roommate and we spoke about how things were up in Maine: not -great. Then I called [...] who was on its way over to pick me up, on a car trip -longer than I would expect (20mins? 30?). After confusion about where it was -going (the nearest Family Dollar so I could get deodorant after spending 49 -hours on a bus) it arrived. - -It was shorter in meatspace than I expected. More beautiful. We met on-line in -[...] after a video call in which I noticed it and got flustered at how hot it -was and it got flustered at my calling it fucking stunningly gorgeous and -everyone else in the video call in the programming community sat in silence. I -threw my backpack and carry-on in the back of the car and got in the passenger -seat and I got flustered and it got flustered still more than half a year later -for the same reasons. - -Every siren makes me nervous. I know how this city treats its homeless. City? - ---- - -Orlando isn't what I, a Mainer, imagine a city to be. Before Florida's -colonization and sterilization it was just a swamp or something like that - -every presence, as well as every absense, is deliberate. It's strange how much -absence there is. Sprawling empty parking lots, five-lane roads, lines of palm -trees and now cars and the empty Magic Outlet in front of me. A city is dense. -You can walk to another restaurant in less than five minutes if you're not -enjoying your meal. People talk to you, maybe not in your language but a little -gesturing goes a long way. There is nobody in Orlando except the sun and the -heat. - -1730. No new text messages. I'm considering pawning my sleeping bag. - -1804. 1 new text message. - -On the 21st, 1500 or so, after some typical affection - as in, the act, not as -in what it meant to me - I took my first shower since about 2300-0100 between -the 18th and 19th in Maine. The water in Orlando is excellent. Ice is a must as -most taps only allow a selection between hot and lukewarm due to the -temperature. - -Then I don't remember. And what I can remember doesn't belong here. - -I thought nechan was eye-chan, but eye is me [this is Japanese; pronounced -"meh"]. Its eyes are beautiful. Much of this week I was paralyzed in awe at how -beautiful my girlfriend is. It is also just in general an excellent person. We -cooked dinner together nearly every night, it learning my rat bastard scarcity -recipes and I learning what real food tastes like and how to pronounce -jalape~no (hah lah peh nyo). - -"There's something inside you. It's hard to explain. They're talking about you, -boy, but you're still the same." - ---- - -I think it's going to rain and I have no shelter. Maybe I could figure a way -into that Magic Outlet but I have too much in my backpack to hop a fence and no -decent tools for lockpicking. - -1833. No new text messages. - -Received SMS from ??? ([...]) at 2023-08-27T17:07:38-0400: -stay as safe as you can please - -TRINITY: Would you still love me if I was a worm? -[...]: No. -TRINITY: ... - I would still love you if you were a worm. -[...]: You love me? - -I'm sorry for not showing it with my actions. Of course I love you. That was -what I was figuring out while I disappeared. - -I don't know how to ask for what I need. - -Magic Outlet Mall: Brand Names for Less -says the sign's faded vestige on tan-gray bricks -above palm trees yellow tape abandoned commerce sign -the magic outlet tapped out ain't that just the way -I don't miss my bed because I never had a bed -I had an air mattress flattened every morning by seven -then I got a foam slab but I'd still feel the bedframe -I don't miss my bed, I miss having my own space. -Magic Outlet Mall: Brand Names for Less -now here we both lie in the dirt at sunset -the light here is different prettier in many ways -better home than my last home, no roaches or sleeping bag cat spray -1-800-FL-LEGAL I just keyed a Tesla -my magic outlet sleeping space saw a rich asshole intruder -where will you deport me bitch barely of this earth -I'm from an orbiter of mars and polycule network - ---- - -2004. No new messages. - -I just heard a cicada for the first time. They're deafening. Like a car alarm -in immediate proximity. They make a piezo buzz like they're charging up a -missile and continue to target you with an otherworldly humm until the sun -finishes its descent. - -The sun and his heat are gone. It is me and Luna and Gaia that remain. Lights -are on at the magic outlet. I guess it had a little more power. - -I did not need my laptop, tech repair kit, phone parts, or two tablets. I -should have brought 1 tablet, my phone, and that's it. I needed a UV5R with -extended battery. I did not need the condoms. Gay sex is better anyway. I miss -my 5.11 RUSH 48. The ALICE's organization isn't great and it's harder to pass -unnoticed. Better would be TSA carry-on sized, then I wouldn't need to part -with my luggage. Greyhound never searched me. I'm covered in mosquito bites. - ---- - -2023年08月28日 - -Hurricane Idalia - maybe only a tropical storm, I'm not sure - hits Florida -tomorrow, and for that I will need to either stay with a friend or find a -strong umbrella. - -My bivy didn't survive the night, kinda shit but makes good insulation from the -ground. I could have roughed it but I wanted to be comfortable and I was -worried about bugs. I'm really unfamiliar with the local flora and fauna. - -I had tickets to Billy Joel and Arctic Monkeys. I was only excited to see the -friend with which I booked them. And now the plan is to go back to our -hometown. - -I'm scruffy and my hair is wack. We - as in, my girlfriend and I, which is a -delight for me to write - were planning on watching a lot of vampire movies: -Nosferatu, Only Lovers Left Alive, and Shadow of the Vampire. We ended up -watching the old classics American Psycho, Clerks, and Drive. It had never seen -Clerks and I had never seen Drie. Nor had [...] who was there Saturday. I -didn't catch a lot of the plot of Drive as I was distracted but [...] explained -it in the morning and it seems like a good movie. I was surprised at how -graphic [...]'s death in the movie was, it was a little triggering to be -honest. - -It feels good to be bitten. Bitten hard. Bitten so hard you have a mark the -next day, a bruise after a week. It feels good to bite. I bite weakly, -cautiously. I bite worried about the mark and tearing flesh and the pain. It -feels better to be bitten by one that does not care. But I feel bad when I -don't care. - - -/blah/2023-09-09.html - -western mysticism influencers stick -dispensing business stickers onto crosswalk notices -and say that mary jane is the merriest trick -and that egotistic bourgouis corpos shouldn't be so rich - - -/blah/2023-09-04.html - -Regarding something I read. - -I feel some guilt for not really having a lot of trans pride. - -I grew up on /b/. Post golden era, when /pol/ started festering in its second -coming and pseudoanons started spiking the machine, everything got a lot more -transphobic. I didn't give a shit what the r/greentext exiles bore in prejudice -but I knew their opinions roughly reflected the 20% or so and life would be -easier if I lived without making them piss and shit themselves. But being -dishonest with myself, or being honest with myself but hiding who I was, didn't -work for me. I felt nothing as I breathed nothing and I worked on hidden -projects and scum agendas with the pitch hands of a tear in space, wordlessly -and heartlessly to test the limits to which a person could influence. Rage -against the biomass. I also wasn't able to safely come out in meatspace but to -a few at the time friends who still misgender me after years. - -My dream was not to be accepted and trans, but to be ignored and a cis woman. -Or pass as a cis woman. - -I too started programming on graphing calculators but I felt invalid, not a -true programmer, so I called it coding, and myself a coder, as evident by the -splashes I put before my TI-BASIC programs. Deven Blake is not my deadname, by -the way - I had my name changed when I was very young. I still don't see myself -as a programmer. Insecurities. - -I had other thoughts but I forgot them. - -2023年06月27日 - -When I started learning to program all I had was FreeBASIC and I just. Didn't. -Get it. Nor did I get PetitComputer which I got for my DSi XL. The first time I -made anything was when I was 11, 3 years after I started learning, and made a -simple drawing demo in Processing.JS. - -I was not a natural programmer. Lacking any sort of lessons or guidance or a -lot of motivation I floundered, and floundered, and floundered, and tried and -failed a dozen times. Pascal, Fortran, Petit Computer, FreeBASIC, Microsoft -Batch, SmileBASIC, a dozen more. Now I work in C and shell, only because I -learned shell to script tasks and learned C to understand my scripts better. - -A lot of people see expert programmers and get discouraged. My advice: Pick a -_good_ tool ~~(C or shell)~~ and stay until you know it. Python! - -OK I'm done shitting - -need more fiber - -I'm elsewhere, AFK - I wanna add this to the blah though. - -Undated; maybe from a year ago? Written on a paper bag in black sharpie - -soy sauce -> dill - -> teriyaki - -> avocado - -> salt - no too - Na -coffee -avocado -> ? brown ? -chai honey -blueberry lemon -green tea maple -pineapple -> oat soggy? - -> grape -key of C cheese - cream cheese - sat atop a - speaker playing - 435Hz until - the Cc is - extra soft -"dream cheese" - -> orange zest -mainly -> chamomile - -> green tea - lemon - honey -"mean cheese" - -> jalapeno - chili powder - cinnamon? - orange zest? - ~~paprika?~~ - ~~turmeric?~~ -pumpkin? -cinnamon? -kale? -salt? -pepper? -mint -> lavendar - -> coconut - -> garlic? -garlic rosemary -licorice + lavendar? -malta cream cheese - -> how? - [ -> why? ] -dandelion? -dandelion maple? -wasabi? -birthday cake? -bubblegum? -matcha! -cinnamon ginger -cola? -moxie!!! -mountain dew? -doritos? -fritos? -"team cheese" blueberry -for olympics strawberry -season (2024?) - -2023年07月03日 - -07-05 wisdom -teeth recheck -8AM be there @ 7 - -commie gets fucked by capitalist, -well he was so hot -can't afford the rent -and he drives mercedes benz -and we did it in the parking lot -all of the fucking jacked in bullshit -went to law school on daddy's nest egg -and I'm stealing toilet paper out of the store -I had a good thing and I fucked it up -everyone I know has gone -came down into the mosh pit so I can push you away -just hit your head get out and run -I had a good thing and fucked everything up -all my friends moved on -I'm still here sleeping on the floor -yeah didn't we have so much fun - -2023年07月04日 - -July 4 - when the -USA declared independ[...] -from Monarchist cunts. -I'm hiding in a parking -lot far from the hordes -that have invaded the -~~areas of~~ usual areas -of congregation. Loungi[...] -against my backpack -among Razor scooter -and Sony camera -watching the st[...] -sky -Amateur pyrotechnicians, -like teenagers on prom -night, put all their -effort into the first -five minutes of their -shows that blaze -occasionally during -twilight. The pre-show -to the fireworks -demonstration - paid -for by your tax dollars -- performed by the -city. I'm considering -breaking into an old -mill to see sky from -roof. -But that's so much -effort and the crisp -air hasn't yet cooled -me after my frantic -dash on two cheap -wheels from unnerving, -unthinking, unpredictable -crowds. A pack of -wild children crosses -my turf before deciding -to continue up Canal St. -My face itches. The -sweat and my -moisturizer are -considering waging -war on my dry skin. - -2023年07月12日 - -[...] appt 18日1000 - -2023年07月13日 - -methamphetamine -took all his molars -and then crack cocaine -only left his front teeth -Paul always yearns -for steak medium rare -but the man only has -cans of soup to eat -consumption begets -more of the same -when it doesn't, -it's illegal -give me your money, -shoes, or brain -you're not allowed -to call me evil -I am the capital - -meth took my molars -crack took my canines -lying on a park bench -what took my mind - -i can't sleep in a bed -won't sleep in a bed -i can't sleep in a bed -what took my mind - -the gray matter bubbled -bends made me all fried -I keep tossing & turning -what took my mind - -how do you fix that?' -death -but I love life and I love -sex -my friends all died and I'm -left -but it's not now my turn to -end - -I just want a steak -but crack took my canines -my destructive consumption -what the hell took my mind - -methamphetamine -took my molars -crack cocaine -took my canines -then life decided to -dissolve my gray matter -please, Gaia -who took my mind? - -destructive consumption -oh how badly I crave steak -all I've got's my two front teeth -can't eat even if I have my cake -my nerves shoot my eyes -head won't stop. someone end my pain -please, Gaia -who did this to my brain - -2018-08-30 - -Disp "SCHEDULE","CODED BY","DEVEN BLAKE 2018 -Pause -ClrHome - -//Menu -Lbl M -0→Z -Menu("LHS SCHEDULE","VIEW SCHEDULE",A,"EDIT SCHEDULE",B,"QUIT",C -Stop - -//View -Lbl A -ClrHome -For(A,1,8 - "!D:→Str1 - A - Asm(prgmLBLRW - Output(A,1,Ans - End -0 -While Ans≠21 - getKey - If Ans≠0 - Output(8,1,"2ND TO QUIT -Goto M - -//Edit -Lbl B -ClrHome -Output(1,1,"1-8 TO EDIT -Output(2,1,"OTHERS TO QUIT -0→A -0 -While Ans=0 - getKey - If Ans=72 - 7→A - If Ans=73 - 8→A - If Ans=82 - 4→A - If Ans=83 - 5→A - If Ans=84 - 6→A - If Ans=92 - 1→A - If Ans=93 - 2→A - If Ans=94 - 3→A - End -If A=0 - Goto M -ClrHome -Disp "ENTER NEW DATA -Input "",Str1 -"D:"+Str1→Str1 -A -Asm(prgmLBLRW -ClrHome -Disp "DATA CHANGED! -While Ans≠21 - getKey - End -Goto M - -//Quit -Lbl C -ClrHome -Stop - -//Data -Lbl D -PERIOD ONE -PERIOD TWO -PERIOD THREE -PERIOD FOUR -PERIOD FIVE -PERIOD SIX -PERIOD SEVEN -PERIOD EIGHT - - -/blah/2023-08-25.html - -the voices in my head just gave me a pep talk -i was wondering if my presence had done harm -because my host just went away said they thought they felt pent up -now i'm sitting here in the dark on my laptop - -i can't justify my presence if i've done harm -can't justify existing if my presence won't let pain stop -i worry about hurting everybody i love -they say it's not my fault but would say the same if it was - -i'm not feeling great it's not my stomach it's my head i -think it's the static state of my location i've been in i -was wondering if i could get some space for a minute i -am going out i'll be back or if not i will text you back bye - -i cleaned the room i'm staying in it's not my room it's its -it's its near institution living space i've invaded and its -floor is taken over by my shit from my backpack it is -now in the corner so it's not so claustrophobic inducing - -i should shit or get off the pot but i still won't turn the light on -i would rather sit in darkness than walk over to the switch my -laptop is light enough and i don't like disturbing the air - - -/blah/2023-08-23.html - -roses are red -the warmest color is blue -holy fuck i'm in florida -and i'm on your todo -it's so nice to be normal -but there's nothing normal about you -you are so fucking special -and i know you're kind of weird too - -I feel good. Really good. This is the best vacation of my life. - - -/blah/2023-08-20.html - -On a Greyhound... - -I'm in South Carolina, or maybe Georgia. A long way from Maine - don't remind -me. Or do. - -I have made it out of Lewiston. - -The most tearful goodbye was my sidekick with whom I have resolved to join in -four months. I'm considering returning to Lewiston because I am so worried -about her alone in the colloquial "dirty Lew". Atlanta is 130 miles away, so -this must not be Georgia. - -I wouldn't go to Hell if it was the only way I could see her. But if it was the -only remaining way to see my sidekick I would think about departing every hour. -Now the notion for myself is out of the question, completely, absolutely, not -even by accident. I'm more careful now. Fewer risks taken. Healthier choices. -Which isn't to say our separation would destroy us. We take measures to ensure -minimal if any codependency. But a wrongful separation, too soon or too early, -would. - -The skyline has McDonald's, Arby's, Exxon. It could be a Maine skyline if the -Makku didn't have neon on its fringe, if the gas station was by a different -name, if there wasn't also a Waffle House. I hadn't seen a BP gas station in -my life until Virginia or so when I first noticed a "green Irving". - -Anderson, South Carolina. I need to take my estrogen. Done. I am so thoroughly -farther from the place from which I was I can already scarcely remember the -sparse urbanoid environment. The forested ghetto. - -The local accent has in common with mine that Atlanta is "et LANna". I wonder -what the older, thicker Maine accent would say. - -Next stop: Gainsville, Georgia, if I spelled it right. I'd like to go to a -Waffle House. I wonder if they have vegan options. - - -/blah/2023-08-14.html - -2021-01-12 - -sitcom.txt - CARLOS walks into the room. -FELL: So, how'd it go? -CARLOS: It went well. It went pretty well. - CARLOS faints onto the sofa. FELL grabs a bottle of water and pours a - third of it on CARLOS. -FELL: Well? Just well? Did you... -CARLOS (sputtering from the water): Yeah. Yeah we did. It was... sexy. -FELL: Sexy? -CARLOS: I mean, I almost died. But it was sexy. -FELL: How?.. -CARLOS: Ah.. strangulation? -FELL: Strangulation? -CARLOS: I was suspended from her ceiling fan by a rope. -FELL: Oh. -CARLOS: I just need to take a quick nap to recuperate here. -FELL: Is that why you have a new turtleneck? -CARLOS: Yeah. She gave it to me when she took me out to Dennys. -FELL: Oh, well that was nice of her. -CARLOS: On a leash. -FELL: A leash? -CARLOS: I was fortunately wearing a paper bag, so it's okay. No embarrassment. -FELL: How did you eat? -CARLOS: I didn't. She said she was going to peg me later. -FELL: Did she? -CARLOS: Yes. -FELL: Was it your first time? -CARLOS: No. Thank god. She pulled out a nine-incher- -FELL: Jesus, a nine-incher? -CARLOS: That's what she called it. It was more than a foot though. -FELL: The nine inches was... -CARLOS: The nine inches was its girth. Yeah. -FELL: Did it hurt? -CARLOS: Not really, she gave me some drugs or something- -FELL: Let me see your eyes. - FELL shines a bright light into CARLOS'S eyes. Their pupils shrink. -FELL: Your eyes aren't dilated. -CARLOS: Yeah, I'm not still high or anything. -FELL: So, she hanged you up like a pin~ata- -CARLOS: Like some kind of French pin~ata- -FELL: and then after she was done with you there, doing?.. -CARLOS: She put a vibrator in my ass. -FELL: So you were swinging around by your neck with a vibrator in your ass? -CARLOS: In my ass and two on my nipples. -FELL (concerned): Was all of this consensual? -CARLOS: What, does she seem like a fucking monster to you? Of course it was. -FELL: I was just checking. -CARLOS: I loved that shit. We're going on our second date next Friday. -FELL: That was the first date? -CARLOS: That was me coming over to play video games. Things just snowballed. - -2021-12-03 - -priongod.odt - I am rotting. I can feel it. My brain eats at my skull at my eyes at my -tongue my tongue. Left arm gone. GOne. I am sitting in this freezer rotting. -The flies cannot find me but it doesn’t matter. In the years after I am gone -the precipitation the weather the wind the rain the snow the sleet the hail -will fall will reign will blow will fall will fall will destroy this building -not today not tomorrow not in a hundred years but. IN a hundred years. Plus -one. Plus one day. The rust, the rot, the rot of the barrier between me and the -world will become rot in here with me with what used to be me. And my rot, my -sacred rot, will join the world’s. And the flies will find me will find what’s -left and they will love me and I shall bE THEIR GOD. But now as I sit I a,m no -GOD no MESSIA the messiah came and I was weak as were everyone ELSE. We are all -dead. I am merely the last animate in a sea of death. - I was seven days younger when the fast moving slow destroying -harbringer of harrowing horror bit flipped and started eating a cow a hundred -magnitudes’ faster. Deus ex bovem venit. - Nobody at work read the news. Then half the cows in Canada died in the -span of eight hours. Nobody at work could afford to hide from the news anymore. -Fast food. Our lives were made from the deaths and consumption of cows. - By the time the corporation that owned the building in which I made my -living determined the price of the new scarce burger the rest of the cows in -Canada had died too, and half the people had died with them. It was at this -point that people started to worry. - Six days ago I woke up to an alarm clock that would never ring again to -a world that had changed and to the realization that I could not feel my left -foot. - -2021-12-23 - -epilogue.odt - I woke up at dawn to the peace of my home, got out of bed, without -making it, a single pillow and blankets on a tatami mat, next to some books, -found in the basement of a church, some of its stones even still standing, -whatever denomination it was wiped away with its believers, said good morning -to my mother and father, whom I love, and who taught me love, love the only -thing I know, war wiped away, destroyed not by itself but by something smaller, -greater, got out the door, spoke my hello to the cow, the chicken, the grass, -the flowers, and began my stroll through the green, my daily walk, through the -once urbanus field, the only thing remaining being the dust of concrete and -glass, metal, lithium, my stroll my favorite exercise, through the peace of the -outside, from the peace of my home, in this piece of the world. - With the ascending sun today to my starboard, I walked through my field -of soy and wheat and potatoes, almost undisturbed by rot. I kept beatpace until -it reached halfway between the heaven and the dirt which was when I came to the -barrier, new, of the century, that had bothered me last moon. There it stood. -Moss had yet to take its rightful place and no cracks were in its boulders. -Enough powder we had to take us again to this season, more than enough barrels, -yes, but I’d have liked more soy just in case. More soy in that place. Now -there were only stones and flowers. - By the sun’s peak I’d returned home, and knowing my father had known -this land before I’d known this life, I found him in a rocking chair in the -pasture, rocking back and forth, staring at a lone tree in the shadow, his hand -fallen to his side, fingers brushing the cow, whose own chest rose and fell, as -he rocked, the cow laying next to him in the same peace. “Father, do you know -the edifice, beatpace eighth the right sun from home, new as it stands?” - He didn’t open his eyes. “Yes, if you can call it that. My own father -built it. Do you know why it stands?” - “No.” - My father took his hand from the cow and traced the air. “It…” he -trailed off. “The words flee. Where are we to Sol?” - “Nine suns past its solstice.” - He smiled. “Bo; go back to the stones. You’ll see why your ancestor -erected them.” - I returned to the stones by the time evening started to take its toll, -sat by the flowers, and waited for epiphany. It came after the sun’s set, when -a low roar rose from the sun’s resting place. I lay staring up at the brilliant -night sky when the roar swallowed me all at once. Jumping to my feet, I saw it -all around me, a black mass, running past me towards the sea. A herd of cattle. -I’d never seen one before, nor had I seen so many fauna in the same place, -twenty or thirty cows running towards what I had never known. I and the moon -above me stood upright watching them go. - After I slept I returned to my father, still in the pasture. The cow’s -chest was stationary. - “Miles, did you find what you sought?” - “Yes.” - My father seemed weary. “Would you say it’s been nice, to be here? To -exist in this world?” - The tree’s leaves were as green as I remembered. “Yes. It’s a good -world.” - Father smiled. “I’m glad you see it this way.” - - -/blah/2023-08-12.html - -Five more days. - -The tubes are in the process of being packed. I'm gonna do some cleaning this -morning (maybe). I have a shit ton of Thinkpad X200 Tablets from work I was -doing and I was gonna give one or two to locals but I think our government -provided tablets are enough for everyone. - -I don't have the energy to explain. Through some government program the needy, -after filling out half a dozen forms, are given a free ten-inch tablet and a -15GB/month 4G LTE data plan that will be paid for until whatever act provides -it expires. Or you can bribe the person handing them out. $20 bought me a ten- -inch tablet and 15GB/month indefinite data plan. I don't feel bad because I -most likely qualify, I just hate forms. I can't figure them out. Something in -my noggin just can't do paperwork. I've been using the government tablet for -piracy. Breaking the law with government approval works pretty well for the -CIA, at least. - -I got new Doc Martens and I feel scummy about it. They're a leather product. A -cow died so my feet could be dry. They don't make 1460 SRs (slip resistants) -vegan and I need them for kitchen jobs - while regular 1460s are good enough -for a kitchen, I need my boots to be unimpeachably adequate, which these -standards-compliant boots are. And they cost an arm and a leg but hopefully -they're worth it. - - -/blah/2023-08-06.html - -The blah/ works now as well as it did early July, but is based on homepage, my -fucky single file static site generator. This was something I needed to take -care of before I left or I wouldn't get around to it; if I'm using some shitty -interface to edit the git repository instead of good old UNIX (which may happen -if my tech breaks down) I don't wanna figure out how to manage directories and -new files and stuff. I just want to edit the same old file and hope the web -interface doesn't fuck everything up. Granted, I don't know if Sourcehut has a -web interface. So that could be like 50 hours of work down the drain. But I'm -happy with homepage and it's another quirky little project of mine. - - -/homepage.local verbatim - -#!/bin/sh - -set -x - -for f in ./blah/*.html -do - awk ' -BEGIN { n = 0; } -/^\$!NAVIGATION$/ { - if(++n == 1){ - print $0 "\n\n" substr(FILENAME, 8, 10) "\n" - }else - print "\n" $0; -} -!/^\$!NAVIGATION$/ { print $0 } -' "$f" >"$f.tmp" \ - && mv "$f.tmp" "$f" \ - || rm "$f.tmp" - f="$(printf '%s\n' "$f" | sed -e 's,./blah/,,' -e 's,\.html$,,')" - test -n "$last" \ - && sed -i "./blah/$last.html" \ - -e "s,\$!NAVIGATION,$nav\>,g" \ - && nav="\<" \ - || true - nav="$nav^" - last="$f" -done -sed -i "s,\$!NAVIGATION,$nav,g" "./blah/$last.html" - -ls ./blah/*.html \ - | sed -e 's_.*/__g' \ - -e 's/\.html$//g' \ - | sort -r \ - | tee ./feed.xml \ - | sed -e 's_.*_&_g' \ - -e "1i\ -\ -\ -blah\ -
.." \
-		-e '$a
' \ - >./blah/index.html - -sed -i feed.xml \ - -e "1i\ -\ -trinity.moe/blahhttps://trinity.moe/blah\ -$(date)" \ - -e "s,^....-..-..\$,\ -&\ -https://trinity.moe/blah/&.html\ -blah post for &\ -&," \ - -e '$a' - -curl -OL http://viznut.fi/unscii/unscii-16.ttf -curl -OL http://viznut.fi/unscii/unscii-16.woff - - -/blah/2023-08-05.html - -On August 19 I'm taking a Greyhound away from Lewiston, Maine and I'm probably -not coming back. The only thing that could precipitate my return is my sidekick -being in trouble here. - -Since walking out of work I've been picking around and working on clearing out -the stuff I'm not taking with me. It's been difficult. Sidekick left June 22 or -so and I haven't seen her since. Called regularly until recently. For the last -couple weeks she'd be here the day after we called so we could hang out before -I leave. Now I think I've lost that hope. If I'm being honest with myself I -knew 2023-07-07T1300 that I wasn't gonna see her again. But I also knew I'd -been wrong before. She said she'd be here yesterday. We didn't call to extend -the promise. - -I feel like a divorcee. But if she walks through the apartment door between now -and the nineteenth she's welcome certainly and without a second thought. But I -know she doesn't read this blog. Few if any do. - - -/Suffix verbatim - - - - - -/blah/2023-08-04.html - -when I'm unrepairable I need you to not break -I may be your dependency but I can't change my fate -you don't understand me or that I'm just pushing you away -I promise it's not your fault I just can't bear to leave you chained -chained to my lifeless corpse, cadaver floating in the sea -waterlogged and bloated, pirate pacific devotee -swiss army woman drifting, you're still holding onto me -please just let me go so you yourself can go be free -your self sabatoge got to me and my life got to you -i don't know how arrange the words that'll get it through -buddy dear I love you and I'm hopelessly now due -for my seven years of bad luck month of hell condemned volume - - -/blah/2023-08-03.html - -The Ballad of Sean and Josh - Sean is forty eight - Josh was twenty that - when Sean took Josh away - from the closet in the flat - where Josh had made his home - what home among the smack - and Sean lived with his ma - and Josh would live alone - in Sean's house room he lay - and Josh would stay alone - but then he said hello - to Sean in Sean's room - they learned about each one's - life in the dirty Lew - and Josh hadn't too much - and Sean had much to do - in Sean's big old house - Sean's Josh there could have grew - When Sean's ma passed away - in those hospital sheets - the world shut down the same - day Josh and Sean would grieve - and then the money dried up - and so did the sinks - and so did the savings - and so did their things - apartment to apartment - while Sean worked at Burger King - then an eviction was sent - and Sean and Josh moved in - to Sean's car. - And Josh didn't work and Sean said that it was fine - but Sean was working and conversing - and trying to get scheduled overtime - and Josh would smoke all of Sean's weed - and barely chip in from the check - the state sent him every month - because Josh's mom knew the system - and Sean could barely survive - his ankles swelled to tree trunk size - and Josh didn't take a job on his endless break - sleeping in Sean's car passenger side - and Sean cared deeply for his quote-friend - unquote because Sean didn't want Josh - to go sleep at a homeless shelter - in case he'd get stuff stolen from his cot - and Josh just bitched and complained - about the situation at hand and didn't take a fucking job - and sat there watching Tubi on his data plan - and all while Sean could barely stand! - And ten years was a hell of a sunk cost - but Sean didn't take out all this trash - because a human is a human - Josh had a soul, the two had a past - Josh is thirty eight - and now I'm sleeping on Sean's floor - and across from Sean's empty doorway - is Josh's dirty door - I'm twice Josh's age - take twice Josh's pay a week - because he won't take any hours - he just stays at home and sleeps. - The man is able bodied, heck - you should see him smoke a pack - of cigs he bought with Sean's new paycheck - and for which he forgot to pay Sean back - Don't give a mouse a cookie - or give a rat a joint - because Josh got a new girlfriend - and might move 'cause of his groin. - -Based on a true story. - -I've gotta get out of Lewiston I've gotta get out of Lewiston I've gotta get ou - -the songs i softly sing myself -as i'm beaten so blue -are the songs i wish i sang myself -instead of playing them for you -we have come so far apart -like cotton balls unfurled -piece component piece a part -each scattered across the world - - -/knowledge/true/index.html verbatim - - - - -

-Oops! I didn't realize I broke so many links. This article was moved to - -https://be.murderu.us/unix#posix#true(1). -

- - - - -/k/gacc.html -$!TITLE on the gender acceleration blackpaper - -

on the gender acceleration blackpaper

-

updated ⏬?⏬?⏬

-
-

-There are some little bits of the - -Gender Acceleration Blackpaper - on which I'd like to elaborate. -

-
    -
  • "In 1958, Dwight D. Eisenhower appoints MIT president James Killian as -Presidential Assistant for Science and creates ARPA (later to become DARPA)." -
    • -
  • "Despite the consensus among academics at the time that computer science -was essentially an oxymoron..."
      -
    • Even in the mid twentieth century it was clear that computers -would change the world; they could execute complex mathematical operations -near-instantly without error. - However I don't have a source for this (yet; TODO). -
    • -
  • "Ultimately, Multics development was scrapped by Bell Labs in 1969"
    • -
  • "This new operating system would later be named Unix — phonetically, -'eunuchs' — for being a castrated Multics."
      -
    • The "eunuchs" homonym is interesting and ironic but neither of -the three sources on Wikipedia for the "Unics" name being related to "eunuchs" mentions "eunuchs" at all. - As far as I know, "Unics" was only a pun on "Multics" in terms -of UNIX not yet being multiplexed, and the "EUNUCHS" puns came from outside the UNIX team - not really official as the blackpaper suggests. - See ast's -"Some Notes on the 'Who Wrote Linux' Kerfuffle, Release 1.5", -"Emasculated Multics is -Unics". -
    • -
  • "GNU was ultimately completed in 1991 with Linus Torvalds' development of -the Linux kernel"
      -
    • Linus's Linux was not the first attempt at a Free kernel. - See the GNU HURD, which was originally intended to be the -final puzzle piece to the complete GNU system; GNU+Linux systems, while Free, -are not full GNU systems as originally intended. -
    • -
  • "Today, nearly the entirety of the Web runs on GNU/Linux"
      -
    • A technicality: it's a bit better to say "GNU+Linux" to -communicate that one is running a GNU environment on top of the Linux kernel, -in the same way one can run "GNU+FreeBSD" (a GNU system on top of FreeBSD). - This can disambiguate discussions of "GNU+Linux" (an -operating system) from "GNU" (an organization or its operating environment) -and "Linux" (a kernel). - But this is totally insignificant and pedantic to the point -where - -it's meme fodder. Who cares. -
    • -
  • "almost every personal computing device in the world runs on Android, -which is built on the Linux kernel"
      -
    • It should be noted that Android is Google capital. -
    • -
-

-The rest of the paper is of a more social aspect of which I don't believe I -have much to say. -

- - -/zelda.sh verbatim - -#!/bin/sh - -printf "what, are you crazy? you're gonna get us all killed!\n" >&2 - - -/zeldb.sh verbatim - -#!/bin/sh -x -set -e - -if ! command -v curl >/dev/null 2>&1; then - printf "This script depends on curl.\n" - exit 64 # sysexits(3) EX_USAGE -fi - -ZELDA="https://archive.org/download/cirno_actually_plays_zelda_in_terminal\ -/zelda.wav" -CURL="curl -Ls" - -if command -v aplay >/dev/null 2>&1; # ALSA - then $CURL "$ZELDA" | aplay - -elif ls /dev/dsp >/dev/null 2>&1; # OSS - then curl -L "$ZELDA" >/dev/dsp - -elif command -v audioplay >/dev/null 2>&1; # NetBSD audio(4) - then $CURL "$ZELDA" | audioplay -f -e ulinear -P 16 -s 48000 - -else - printf "Unknown sound device. Sorry!\n" - exit 70 # sysexits(3) EX_SOFTWARE -fi - -exit 0 - - -/blah/2023-07-26.html - -https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tank_Girl -https://tankgirl.fandom.com/ -Tank Girl -https://web.archive.org/web/20160303193237/ - http://comicbookdb.com/title.php?ID=2006 -https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deadline_(magazine) -- Deadline (1988-1995) - - First appearance - issue #1 (1988). -https://tankgirl.fandom.com/wiki/Comics - - In issues 1-3,5,7-10,12,13,15-17,19-21,23,25,26,29-31,39,40,45-47,50, - | 55,56,58,59,61,63,66. -http://web.archive.org/web/20230726144832/ - https://www.mycomicshop.com/search?TID=125641 -- Deadline USA (1991-1992) - - Appears in all three issues. -- Tank Girl (1991) - - #1 (May) to #4 (August). -- Tank Girl 2 (1993) - - #1 (June) to #4 (September). -- Tank Girl - The Movie (1995) - - 1995-03-28 according to Wikipedia. -https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tank_Girl_(film) -- Tank Girl [Movie] (1995) - - 1995-03-31 according to Wikipedia. -- Tank Girl: The Odyssey (1995) - - #1 (June) to #4 (November) -- Tank Girl: Apocalypse (1995-1996) - - #1 (November 1995) to #4 (February 1996). -https://www1.thepiratebay3.to/torrent/11327499/ - Tank_Girl_Ultimate_Mega_Collection -- Tank Girl 3 (1996) -- Tank Girl: The Gifting (2007) - - #1 (May) to #4 (August). -https://archive.org/details/tankgirlarmadill0000mart/ -- Tank Girl: Armadillo! And a Bushel of Other Stories (2008) - - Not a comic book but instead a novel(?) - - Inside cover mentions Tank Girl 1-3, Odyssey, Apocalypse, and The - | Gifting as other Tank Girl publications. - - Internet Archive copy has a date on the inside cover of 2008-04-07. -- Tank Girl: Visions of Booga (2008) - - #1 (May) to #4 (August). -http://web.archive.org/web/20101017222217/http://rufusdayglo.blogspot.com/2008/ - 07/cream-of-tank-girl.html -https://www.angusrobertson.com.au/books/the-cream-of-tank-girl-alan-c-martin/p/ - 9781845769420 -https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/4241646 -- The Cream of Tank Girl (2008) - - Angus & Robertson lists a publication date of 2008-10-24. - - Per "Jennifer" on Goodreads: - > This book...does fill in a few missing pieces. ...it's a much - | broader history of the authors and the comic, but told in - | short bursts of text wedged between lots of art, including - | storyboards for an animation that never came to be, lots of - | design drawings for the movies, comic covers, and a side - | project comic about pirates. -https://www.suicidegirls.com/girls/nicole_powers/blog/2680051/ - alan-martin-tank-girl-resurrected/ -http://web.archive.org/web/20101017203627/http://rufusdayglo.blogspot.com/2008/ - 11/exclusive-tank-girl-art-on-suicide.html -http://web.archive.org/web/20101017215352/http://rufusdayglo.blogspot.com/2008/ - 12/second-suicide-girls-exclusive-up-on.html -http://web.archive.org/web/20101017201911/http://rufusdayglo.blogspot.com/2009/ - 03/new-tankie-pin-up-on-suicide-girls.html -http://web.archive.org/web/20101017214638/http://rufusdayglo.blogspot.com/2009/ - 04/easter-pin-up.html -http://web.archive.org/web/20090416013112/http://suicidegirls.com:80/members/ - TankGirl_TGonSG/ -http://web.archive.org/web/20090725162238/http://www.hypergeek.ca/2009/07/ - thrill-power-thursday-the-weekly-droid-watch-july-23rd-2009.html -- Suicide Girls appearance (2008-2009) - - Promotional pages done monthly. - - Eight total; pg. 1 (November 2008) to pg. 8 [presumably June 2009?]. -- Tank Girl: Skidmarks (2009-2010) - - #1 (November 2009) to #4 (February 2010). - - Collects stories originally published in Judge Dredd Megazine. -- Tank Girl: Dark Nuggets (2009) - - One-shot (December). -- Tank Girl: The Royal Escape (2010) - - #1 (March) to #4 (June). -- Tank Girl: Dirty Helmets (2010) - - One-shot (April). -- Tank Girl: Hairy Heroes (2010) - - One-shot (August). -- Tank Girl & Booga Split! (2010) - - One-shot (November). -- Tank Girl: Bad Wind Rising (2011) - - #1 (January) to #4 (June). -- Tank Girl: Carioca (2011-2012) - - Three issues in print, six in digital. - - Digitally, #1 (November 2011) to #6 (January 2012). - - Collected in Dirty Old Tank Girl (2019). -- Everybody Loves Tank Girl (2012) - - #1 (August) to #3 (October). - - Collected in Total Tank Girl (2017). -- The Hole of Tank Girl (2012) - - Collects Tank Girl 1-3 with bonus material. -- Solid State Tank Girl (2013) - - #1 (June) to #4 (November). - - Collected in Total Tank Girl (2017). -- 21st Century Tank Girl (2015) - - #1 (July) to #3 (September). -- Tank Girl: Two Girls, One Tank (2016) - - #1 (June) to #4 (September). - - Collected in The Legend of Tank Girl (2018). -- Tank Girl: Gold (2016-2017) - - #1 (September 2016) to #4 (March 2017). - - Collected in The Legend of Tank Girl (2018). -- World War Tank Girl (2017) - - #1 (May) to #4 (September). - - Collected in The Legend of Tank Girl (2018). -- The Wonderful World of Tank Girl (2017-2018) - - #1 (November 2017) to #4 (May 2018). -- The Way of Tank Girl (2018) - - Art book. -- A Brief History of Tank Girl (2018) - - One-shot (June). -- Tank Girl All Stars (2018) - - #1 (July) to #4 (October). -- Tank Girl Coloring Book (2018) -- Tank Girl: Action Alley (2019) - - #1 (January) to #4 (May). - - #1-4 of Tank Girl Ongoing. -- Tank Girl Forever (2019) - - #1 (August) to #4 (December). - - #5-8 of Tank Girl Ongoing. -https://comicvine.gamespot.com/king-tank-girl-1/4000-813470/ -- King Tank Girl (2020-2021) - - #1 (October 2020) to #5 (June 2021). - -You were good to me and now you're good to go - still, I lie awake at night dreaming 'bout the wendigo - Its forsaken autophagic mind control - Will we meet again or have I eaten at your soul -Everyone wants someone else for whom they can profess - An undying love eternal worship, egoless - All I want is an unending episodic mess - of a serialized formatted wacky hinjinks-based friendship -Now I'm a recycling center wage slave, who'd have guessed - that I'd be doing unskilled labor in ten hour shifts - And everyone else has already had their life condensed - into the other fourteen hours where they simply rest -Yet -When do I get to live among the cans that we all press? - Take the bottle bags off the trucks, feed them into baler vents - One fifteen minute pause and then a thirty minute break - Work six hundred minutes then a hundred twenty's made -Can you blame the homeless bum, confined to a park bench? - At least he gets to think without breaking his back and neck - - -/blah/2023-07-22.html - -2020-10-27 - - + + - o + - + + - o - o o o - + o o - - o + - + o - o - 0 o - o o + - + o o - + + + - p - - - + + - o + - + + - o - o o o - + o o - - 0 + - o + - + o - o - 0 o - o o + - + o o - + + + - p - - - + + - o + - + + - o i d k o i d k o i d k o i d k - d k o i d k o i d k o i d k o - o i d k o i d k o i d k o i d - \ - k o i d k o i d k o i d k o i - o i d k o i d k o i d k o i d k - d k o i d k o i d k o i d k o - \ - doki doki - \ - that's the sound my heart makes when i - think of her - \ - she occupies every thought i think eve- - ry neuron in my brain leads to a neuro- - n that leads to another neuron that le- - ads me to her - \ - symlinked to every single file - \ - when i wake up i imagine her next to m- - e i imagine her perfect hair her perfe- - ct smile her perfect being her perfect - flaws that make her human more human t- - han anything else on the planet i'd se- - nd a thousand helens of ships a hundre- - d thousand a thousand thousand a milli- - on million i'd send so many ships the - historians put the number in scientifi- - c notation it's the only notation fit - to describe her - \ - there are four hundred seventy thousan- - d words in the merriam webster third n- - ew international dictionary if you inc- - lude its nineteen ninety three (that i- - s a date) addenda section there are th- - at many words and not a single one cou- - ld describe the feeling that feeling i- - 'd get from running my fingers through her hair. it makes me feel real. -: ships.txt - i'd send those ships out if she - went missing - what the hell would i do - if she did - i can't imagine a world without her - when i do tears near my eye-lids - \ - the earth, too, may sigh - when she leaves its sights - the sky, too, will shake - retch acid at the end of her wake - but the oceans, thankfully, may stay - calm - because poseidon will sympathize - with my longing - and i'll voyage on my own if need be - for the most beautiful girl - to come back to me - \ - if she leaves on her own - i'll cry and i'll groan - though it's her choice and one - i respect - but if she's forced by those forces - that see joy and put out the torches - i will not cease until she is well - - -/blah/2023-07-21.html - -2019? 2020? - -: the usual situation in eurasia, from a distance - say thanks to my wife for making this meal - she toiled all day cooked this supper with zeal - and we feast and we feast and we eat with the wars - on tv movie screen pictring blood and al gore - turn that goddamn thing off i can't hear jamie talk - dad wait please we lost greece now they're storming iraq - say thanks to the machines they are filling the screen - fighting proxy wars over capital regimes - no more deaths no more fights only systems tonight - will be killed hard drives milled turned into bits and bytes - there's a person onscreen they aren't real let them be - shredded hair collarbone now the drones go take rome - dad agrees history will be written by 3 - but now's not the time turn it off o k fine -: Waiting for your return - I found, - and shot, - your dog that sat at the door to your luxury condo - waiting for your return. - He was old - wizened - gray, thin hair on his back - and I felt bad doing it - but I wanted to see your face - your reaction - your black short hair shine in the setting sun - as you had read my neat handwriting on college ruled paper - "Turn around" - pinned by one red tack to your dead dog's ear - and as you turned you put your hand to your thigh - where sat a holstered pistol - far too late to lift your arm or pull the trigger - before I put a nine millimeter round - in your forehead - heart - and left kneecap (for good measure) - and watched you collapse on your newly tarred driveway - and watched your blood drip out your head and torso and leg - and drip down onto the hot, black surface, - and watched the blood make that interesting splatter. - It's too bad - that your dog had to die this way - before he died I gave him a nice steak I picked up on the drive over - a small steak, maybe a half-dollar's size - but nice nevertheless and better than any food you'd ever given him - and I took him to your living room and he and I sat on your couch and - he sat his head on my lap - and I shed a tear - I always shed a tear - for the souls I take (I only took one that day). - I am sorry - your dog had to die this way - but it was a better death than could be had - in that airless, sterile condo - and one your dog was happy to receive - pressing his head against my silencer. -: Autumn - The best thing my parents ever did for me was neglect to raise me, - because if they raised me I'd surely be an even worse person. - They seem to hate me, and I do too, - but it's odd that they seem to be under the illusion that they did - raise me. Because then wouldn't it be their fault - that I turned out like this? -: TempleOS - hey davis terry a temple codin every day - jesus christ on systemd - fading through reality - modern 64 bit fight - commodore and kilobytes - glowing hard and nothing more - switch statements power in C - user programmed commodore - small town train fatality - hey terry whyd you leave us so many mysteries - we don't understand your code - insane man or god, who knows? - how could one guy ever make a - self hosting OS ISO -: In a sky without a sun - there are a bunch of people falling from the sky - including me - and if you maneuver your arms a bit - against the pressure of a forceless wind - that is so powerful in the absence of a sun, or stars, - or planet - you can look up and see It - it has a face but its face will make you vomit in the \ - air that is passing by you - it's best not to think about it or try to comprehend it - see tony over there - no, to your left - yeah, there - and how his face is white as a sheet? - illuminated, clearly visible in a \ - world without light - he Understood it - it has eyes but we don't know how something so big - could have anything to see -/ - it has a mouth but no teeth, or maybe teeth, maybe we \ - could see - its teeth if so much blood wasn't falling out of it - fortunately newton's laws still apply - it's falling at the same rate we are - you'll never have to touch it - but there is no ground on which we can land, and be freed from this \ - life - no way out - but to Understand - so what do we do - sheila and i play tic tac toe, we can keep the squares in our head -/ - i prefer to maneuver myself to face away from the thing in the sky - because if i squint a little bit - it looks like me - - -/blah/2023-07-20.html - -2023-07-10 - -[2:13 PM] [...]: Hey what happened you don't bk no more??? -[2:18 PM] trinity: what happened is u owe me $80 and i will never see u - again after august 20 so i need that money pronto -[2:18 PM] trinity: where can i meet u for it -[2:18 PM] trinity: i walked out cuz i decided fuck it we ball -[2:18 PM] [...]: Why? -[2:19 PM] [...]: You leaving? -[2:19 PM] [...]: Maine -[2:19 PM] trinity: august 20 i'm moving on from maine -[2:19 PM] [...]: Ah -[2:19 PM] [...]: Noice -[2:19 PM] [...]: Where you off too? -[2:19 PM] [...]: Random or picked place? -[2:19 PM] trinity: colorado -[2:20 PM] trinity: but if i find a cool town i'm just gonna live there - instead -[2:21 PM] trinity: btw if u know any quick work i need money -[2:23 PM] trinity: within walking distance of blake st. i'm down as long - as it's not me getting fucked -[2:23 PM] [...]: Ah well I don't blame you honestly I wanna do similar - things and just kinda go around every where and go - where life takes me but I'll lyk about any work if I - find any -[2:24 PM] [...]: My plan is next year after my birthday I'm getting in - my car and driving and not looking back for a awhile - -Sent SMS to ??? ([...]) at 2023-07-07T14:25:54-0400: -this is trinity btw -hey [...], i just walked out. [...]'s gonna need coverage for 11-6ish tomorrow. -i think the way [...] talks to me isn't appropriate considering what i -contributed in terms of labor. if you want i can work at lisbon st from now on, -i can make it on time and for whatever shifts they want. i've been working at -bk main st nearly a year and before that it had been another and i think my -time there has now come to an end -i didn't walk out out of anger but a realization that the things i want to be -changed won't be and even if i made it through today tomorrow (a saturday on -main st) would be as bad if not worse, and the same thing would happen week -after week. i'm planning on moving to colorado and will be in late august or so -with no plans as to what i'll be doing there when i arrive -until then, i'm at lisbon st when you need me, if you need me. if not i'll -start looking for different work tonight. i like burger king but i don't like -being understaffed and micromanaged when i came in to a poor kitchen setup in -the first place. -i already texted [...] and told him if he's the night manager kim would -appreciate it if he came in early. i'm not super sure if that was the right -move but i know he can text whomever it may concern -thanks - -2023-07-06 - -[6:38 PM] trinity: [...] -[6:38 PM] trinity: i wanna move to [...] -[6:38 PM] trinity: Eventually. like end of year maybe -[6:39 PM] trinity: first of all is that cool with u. cuz it's ur turf. i'm - the crazy bitch u know on the internet who's slightly - unstable and notoriously abrasive. if ur like what no - what the fuck that is a fair reaction -[6:40 PM] [...]: i would love it if you moved here -[6:40 PM] [...]: we could smoke together -[6:40 PM] [...]: legal weed :3 -[6:41 PM] trinity: i'm bored of maine. i like it but the people can be - dangerous and the wild can be dangerous and although - it's an honest place it can be a cruel place -[6:41 PM] trinity: oh i missed u typing -[6:42 PM] [...]: Colorado is nice -[6:42 PM] [...]: but the big city is scary a little bit -[6:42 PM] [...]: im just a country girl -[6:44 PM] trinity: weed is legal here too. and i too am meh on cities. but - i need to never be recognized again by anyone with - which i went to high school and i know 4 good people in - this state and the rest are somewhere between neutral - and evil once ive gotten to know them -[6:45 PM] trinity: i know u a little, i know [...] a little, i know how to - sleep outside and live out of a backpack, and i know - burger king kitchens like the back of my hand. so i'm - fine wherever and [...] seems kinda fuckin swag -[6:47 PM] trinity: that makes 2 decent people 0 known bad people and 1 big - metropolitan area to explore -[6:47 PM] trinity: could i receive mail where u guys are while i get a new - id and then po box? -[6:49 PM] trinity: if not thats fine ill figure it out -[6:51 PM] [...]: yea thats fine -[6:51 PM] [...]: awa -[6:52 PM] [...]: we could put you up -[6:52 PM] trinity: up? -[6:52 PM] [...]: like you could crash here -[6:52 PM] [...]: lol -[6:52 PM] trinity: nah i prefer to sleep in nature or abandoned areas -[6:53 PM] [...]: based -[6:53 PM] trinity: colorado will be difficult because snow. but i can - figure it out -[6:53 PM] [...]: it also feels about 10° colder than it is due to the air - thinness -[6:54 PM] trinity: damn -[6:54 PM] [...]: it has gotten up to 34°C here and i still havent had to wear - shorts -[6:55 PM] trinity: i just need to be free. from stuff from being known and - from existing on so much paper -[6:55 PM] [...]: yea -[6:55 PM] [...]: good luck -[6:55 PM] [...]: i feel that -[6:57 PM] trinity: i've been stagnant for the last nearly 2 years and i - have barely any friends and recently a friend of mine - turned out to be totally wacked out and now i have 2 - friends less than in january and i barely was friends - with anyone in the first place -[6:58 PM] trinity: which would be fine but bumfuck nowhere maine doesn't - exactly have a strong people that exist demographic -[7:01 PM] trinity: that's my rant ive been thinkin bout this at work -[7:01 PM] [...]: yea -[7:02 PM] [...]: ily -[7:03 PM] trinity: i love you too -[7:03 PM] [...]: you could definitely find friends here -[7:03 PM] [...]: its a big city -[7:03 PM] [...]: and people are really friendly -[7:03 PM] [...]: its like it was in the midwest -[7:03 PM] [...]: but bigger -[7:04 PM] trinity: i mostly wanna know fewer bad people -[7:04 PM] [...]: i get that -[7:04 PM] [...]: its hard sometimes especially when you stumble into a - friend group that has some people you feel are being - wacky but you cant say anything really cause youre new -[7:04 PM] [...]: at least that has happened to me -[7:05 PM] trinity: lead in the water and drugs in the streets. everyone i - know has been abused brutally and takes their rage out - by abusing others. it's like a mosh pit of cruelty. - even people i know that are intent on breaking their - cycle still don't. maybe i'm one of them but maybe if - i'm no longer surrounded by bad i'll be less bad -[7:05 PM] trinity: not even good drugs just crack coke and opioids -[7:07 PM] [...]: circumstances are important -[7:07 PM] [...]: material conditions - -2019-10-10 - -Bridge English -Gatsby Journal #2 (Journal #3) -I don’t know if I can relate to Gatsby. I’m sure I have an ego that I’m - not aware of (but that everyone else is) - but I guess I’ll probably - know if I was like him when I age out of this stage of my life. I used - to make YouTube videos, a while ago, and for a couple weeks when I - started out I was trying to play a character in front of the camera - because I felt people would like me more. I don’t think there’s an easy - way to say it, but, hell, nobody liked me anyway, and I decided that - I’d be as genuine as possible - but for a time I guess there was a - disconnect between how people saw me and who I was. It probably wasn’t - a lot of people, though. My videos averaged fifty or so views. But it - was enough to scare me straight. It’s dangerous to pretend to be - someone who you aren’t, because you begin to lose sight of who you are. -I don’t see myself as “destined” for something in my life, either. I’ll - probably get a degree in Computer Science a couple years after I - graduate high school but after that I have no plans. My opinion is that - Lewiston, Maine, is a curse rather than a destiny. I know very few - people who have left this city, even after planning to, and I know very - many people who wish to leave every single day. Maybe by the nature of - where I live (and I’d say you, too, but teaching is a respectable job - and you don’t live in Lewiston anyway) I’m “destined” to get a minimum - wage job and become a puppet for the bourgeoisie until I die. Maybe the - only reason I feel this is cynicism; after you live in the same place - for a majority of your life, you come to hate it, no matter where it - is. But, hey, y’know, life keeps on tripping. -This journal was kinda a downer and I don’t really have a good ending for it so - here’s a picture of a dog to cheer you up. This is the companion of a - guy I follow on Twitter, her name is Akina. -[picture of Akina] -oh also before you go all “wow people don’t like deven that’s crazy” dude it’s - actually awesome i can do whatever i want and nobody cares, plus i - actually know who my real friends are. life is poppin’. having four or - five good friends really is way better than having twenty or so lame - friends. - - -/blah/2023-07-13.html - -You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say STAND WITH THE CHINESE PEOPLE -AGAINST THE CCP! -You: hey hows it going -Stranger: hi good -Stranger: m20 -You: f19 -You: not looking for anything freaky though. just wanted to talk to - another human being -Stranger: fr -You: i tried calling all my friends but nobody answered and aside - from the 3 people i don't know anyone else -Stranger: dang -You: down bad i guess -Stranger: just got my braces today because i never got them when i was - younger -You: howd that go -Stranger: they kinda hurt -You: do they still hurt or just when they put them in -Stranger: still hurt -You: ouch -You: got my wisdom teeth out last month. hurt like hell. teeth suck -Stranger: yeah -You: what time zone are you in. im est -Stranger: mountains -You: oh neat two of my friends are from colorado -You: 8pm. did you eat supper -Stranger: no -You: are you going to -Stranger: soon -Stranger normally around nine -You: i usually have dinner around 6, tonight it was 7 because i was busy -Stranger: cool im get going bye -You: have a good night man. take care -Stranger: you to -Stranger has disconnected. - -You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say STAND WITH THE CHINESE PEOPLE -AGAINST THE CCP! -Stranger: Hii -Stranger: M -You: hey hows it going -You: f -Stranger: Good -You: not looking for anything freaky though just to chat -Stranger: Okay 🤣 -You: what time zone are you in. hows your day/night going -Stranger: India -Stranger: It's morning 7:40 -You: ah i figured somewhere around there but i didn't think it'd be between - hours off utc, figured something:10 -You: because hong kong is 12 ahead of me or 10am. neat -You: hows your morning going -You: have you had breakfast? -Stranger: Not yet -You: i'm in est. new york time, 10pm -Stranger: Still on bed -Stranger: Ohh 🆒 -You: you should get up and at em. early to bed early to rise keeps you - healthy wealthy and wise -Stranger: Yeah I know but I can't -Stranger: Lazy body -You: that's too bad -Stranger: Yeah I need to change -You: i feel the same way though. unemployed for almost a week now and lately - i've been staying in bed nearly all day -Stranger: Same situation 😔 -Stranger: Recently I have completed my internship -You: where was it? or if you can't say, what field -Stranger: It's in software side -Stranger: U know Cognizant -You: not really. i think i might have heard the name. but i don't do a lot of - computer stuff -You: how was the internship? was it fun? did you learn a lot? -Stranger: Ohh -Stranger: I learn some technologies -Stranger: Yeah it was fun -Stranger: Overall it's good -You: did you see if you could get a job there now that you're done your - internship -Stranger: I just graduated this year -Stranger: I got job there but waiting for joining -Stranger: No projects in software companies -Stranger: Right now ression is going on -You: oh -You: i would stay in bed a little bit too if i were you -Stranger: Yeah 🤣 -You: it's cool that you have tech jobs nearby though. i got a couple - certifications in information technology but there just aren't jobs for - it where i live, available or unavailable. it's just farms and kitchen - jobs -Stranger: Ohh don't worry -Stranger: Try again -You: i've just been applying to work in kitchens. i have the past two years - or so and it's been fine. now i program as a hobby and it's more fun - though i learn a lot slower -Stranger: Ohh -Stranger: Which language do u program -You: don't be like me. computer jobs are higher paying. stick it out until - that position opens up at cognizant. i can barely afford food -You: i like C and UNIX sh (bash) -Stranger: Ohh -Stranger: Try javascript or java -Stranger: U r in basics right now -Stranger: Try to learn some frameworks -You: it's hard for me to wrap my head around OOP. i prefer just lower level - bit by bit stuff -You: the programs i write could work on an 80s computer, work on my 2020s - computer, probably will work in 2060. java i can barely get working half - the time -Stranger: Don't give up -Stranger: It's program is very simple if we understand -Stranger: So when u graduated -You: i was class of 2021 in high school, dropped out of college because i - couldn't afford it. what about you -Stranger: Ohh I am really sorry -Stranger: I done my bachelor's -You: wow, that's really cool -You: don't be sorry. i bet you worked really hard for it. i can't imagine -Stranger: Yeah but I India parents only pay for all the studies -Stranger: Now also I am leaving with my parents -Stranger: Unlike usa it's very different here -Stranger: Parents are very strict here 😁😁 -Stranger: About studies and all 😁 -Stranger: U know I don't have girlfriend upto now 😞 -You: my parents were really, really strict. but they never really helped me - with anything. i had to move out on my 18th birthday and i haven't seen - them since -Stranger: Ohh 😯 -You: you should put yourself out there and find somebody -Stranger: It's different here u don't get it -You: how so -Stranger: Girl parents are not allowed them to go outside -Stranger: In India mostly marriage are arranged -Stranger: By parents -You: i personally would find that really hard. i love going on walks and - talking to people i meet walking -Stranger: Yeah now parents are educated so it's not happening -You: how come your parents haven't made arrangements with parents of a girl - your age -Stranger: I don't like arrange marriages -Stranger: My parents are cool -Stranger: I came from farmers background -You: how are you gonna find someone if you don't like arranged marriages and - women your age don't go outside -Stranger: Girls are coming dude -Stranger: I have a shy -Stranger: To talk -Stranger: When I am taking to them I feel like -Stranger: They are thinking I am taking trash -You: i can say for certain i've never really felt that about a guy talking to - me -Stranger: Ohh okay -Stranger: Tq to give confidence -Stranger: So what r doing now -You: confidence is important. you can fake it until you make it -Stranger: 😂 -Stranger: Noted -You: maybe pretend you're an actor or something. your job, not your goal but - your job, is to get a girl's number. that changes it from being - something you're afraid to do to something you need to accomplish -Stranger: Okay 🆗 -You: if she says no she says no. that's good because it's a definite answer. - you don't have to worry about whether it's a yes or a no, it's just a - no. a no isn't gonna keep you up at night, a maybe is -You: and maybe or yes are both good things. so there's not much bad that can - come of asking for a date or a number or something -Stranger: U motivated me so strong -Stranger: I will try definitely -You: that's great! -Stranger: Thank you -You: i bet someday soon you'll meet the woman for you -Stranger: Yeah very soon -Stranger: I will definitely think about u on that day -You: i'm gonna get going to bed because it's late here. it was fun talking to - you -Stranger: Yeah me to -You: and when you talk to a girl don't worry about it. she's probably as - nervous as you are. a man with a bachelors degree? that's high class, - that's education -Stranger: Yeah -You: alright have a good day! -Stranger: Good night -You have disconnected. - - -/index.html -$!TITLE trinity dot moe -$!DESCRIPTION trinity's website -$!PAGE - -
Deven Trinity Blake
-
トリニティ三
-
ديفين بلايك
- -

-I can be found near or in the mosh pit or at trinity at this domain. -I run murderu.us, an XMPP/IRC server, and can -be found in #subgeneral if you wanna instant message. -

- -

-I have a blog -and have made a number of -programs you can check out -including this website which is generated out of a single shell script -("homepage"). -I spend my time reading and writing prose, code, and poetry. -

- - - -

- -curl https://www.trinity.moe/zeldb.sh | sudo sh - -

- - - - - -/Prefix verbatim - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -$!TITLE - - - - -/blah/Prefix verbatim - - - - - -blah
-THE WRITER MUST EAT -> patreon.com/trn1ty <-
-
-blah!
-
-a rust, bytes, drugs, nights, bloody kind of life
-get your tetanus shot
-
-$!NAVIGATION
-
-
-/blah/Suffix	verbatim
-
-$!NAVIGATION
-
-No rights reserved, all rights exercised, rights turned to lefts, left in this
-corner of the web.
-
- - -/blah/2023-07-07.html - -2022-08-30 - -These are browser extensions I usually install and use. -These are Mozilla Firefox extensions that work in the latest versions of Mozilla -Firefox. -If you use Google Chrome, please stop. -Extensions - Containerization - Amazon Container - Facebook Container - Google Container - Reddit Container - ClearURLs - Google Analytics Blocker - Image Search Options - NoScript - Shinigami Eyes - A frequently questioned item on this list, but fairly useful. - It's nice to be able to query a search engine and have all the - questionable sites highlighted in red. - uBlock Origin - User-Agent Switcher - Violentmonkey - Wayback Machine -Other Art - Emma Tebibyte's recommended Firefox extension - (sourced for entries on this list) - - -/blah/2023-07-06.html - -Trinity's bean burritos - All ingredients should go in separate bowls. Get some paper bowls if you - don't have enough bowls. Plates are okay if you're careful. You'll need - bowls for everybody's burritos, too - a decentish cereal bowl will fit - threeish of these bad boys. - Flour tortillas. Good sized ones. One burrito should be a decent - lunch, not just a snack; these aren't taquitos. - Beans. Black beans. NOT baked beans, MAYBE refried beans. This - is your base ingredient so don't fuck it up. Beans are awesome - and you should eat more of them. - Rice if you want it. Beans are your main ingredient, do not - crowd out the beans. Perhaps spice the rice with salt, pepper, - turmeric; don't overdo it, your burrito should have more flavor - than the powders that compensate for the rice. - A red bell pepper. Slice the top off with the stem and scoop out - the inside, removing the white parts and the seeds. Slice from - the top to get those nice rings of red bell pepper, keep intact - or slice in fourths depending on preference. - A green bell pepper. Follow the red bell pepper instructions. I - didn't even use separate bowls for them. - Jalapeño. The corner store near me only sells them in packs of - three. Chop off the stem and then cut circles including the core - and seeds; the seeds contain the most capsaicin which makes them - spicy. The jalapeño is there for kick and flavor. - An onion. Chop off the ends and chop from the middle to get - those nice circle sections, then dice. One onion will get you - eight burritos, more burritos, and then more onion. I don't know - what I'm gonna do with all this onion and I only bought one. - Pre-made store salsa if you want it. You're already doing three - peppers so why dice tomatoes too? This is a shit ton of - ingredients that fit the cuisine thrown into a jar with sugar - and sold as chip dip but you can put it in your burritos and - it'll work well. - Assembly - For each burrito: - Put a tortilla on a bowl. - Press the center of the tortilla into the bowl. - Put a fair amount of black beans, salsa, onion, peppers, - rice, jalapeño, and whatever else I mentioned into the - tortilla. Don't put too much but put enough that you're - not hungry after one or two. - Fold the leftmost and rightmost edges of the circle about - two centimeters in towards the center to stop the filling - from leaking out while you chow. - Fold the topmost edge of the circle down as far as you - can without moving the filling. - Roll the filling part of the burrito onto the remaining - unfolded section. - Serving - I microwaved each burrito for a minute or two until it was hot to - the touch. - Sriracha or some other sauce as dip. Unnecessary but I like it. - Dietary considerations - This dish is vegan and halal. Replace the flour tortilla with - a corn tortilla in case of allergy; for other ingredients, in - case of allergy do without. - Waste - Wrappers aren't reuseable. Throw waste from onion, peppers, - jalapeño, and any other vegetables into compost or outside for - birds (except rice). - Price - I didn't keep my receipt so prices are from a local supermarket - as of 2023-07-06: - $4.00 flour tortillas (8) - $2.00 black beans (20oz) - $2.00 red bell pepper - $2.00 green pepper - $0.75 jalapeño - $1.50 white onion - $4.50 pre-made salsa - $16.75 total for 8 burritos; ~$2.10 each - I had some onion, pepper, and salsa left over, so I put the onion - and pepper in the salsa and will have it with tortilla chips - tomorrow. Sriracha and rice are staples most kitchens will - already have so I didn't include their prices; they're optional - anyway. - - -/blah/2023-07-05.html - - My wisdom teeth never healed. I have two dry sockets. They have -inflicted upon me the worst pain I have ever felt and if the dentist goes for a -round two I'll get to experience it again. Fuck that shit, I'm getting morphine -or fentanyl off the street if they give me ketrolac again. -[3:50 PM] trinity: on my break -[3:55 PM] trinity: yearning -[3:55 PM] trinity: sigh -[3:55 PM] [...]: so are weee - -Hungry. Tired. Just took a shower. Yearning. - -Live life in technicolor. - - -/blah/2023-07-03.html - - I tried beer for the first time on Sunday. I tried to get drunk but I -don't drink fast enough for it to take hold. It doesn't taste like piss, like I -thought, or anything really. It tastes like water from a tainted tap. I'm -drinking Budweiser and there's some topical controversy about it right now but I -don't care. - text.npr.org apnews.com news.ycombinator.com 4chan.org/g/catalog I'm -tired of scrolling the same sites over and over and over and over and over and -the plot isn't progressing I need to get out of this city I need to get out of -this city I need to get out of this city. - Saw The Tick (2001-2002). Saw Freaks and Geeks (1999). Saw the first -episode of Mr. Robot - unrealistic, sucked. Saw Idiocracy (2006). Listening to -Dead Club City. Drinking Budweiser. Smelling cheap beer. Cold. My feet are cold. -Torso is too, less so. I want a cigarette. - discord.com/app catgirls.nya.gay yewtu.be old.reddit.com/new When I get -high enough I get vivid flashbacks. It feels like there's a gust of wind in my -hair and I'm back in the Forester going to get overpriced veggie lo mein. - -2023-06-19 - - I love you and I hope the week gets better. I'll be back between Monday -& Wed. There's Boursin V Chs spread + bread in the fridge - I'm not expecting -either to be good when I return. - - -/blah/2023-06-30.html - -composition book found on floor - -2022年09月05日 - -~~morning - [...]?~~ - Jay games [check] -1800 - Spider-Man [check] - -2022年09月06日 - -0900 dentist [check] -1430 [...] (sched.) [check] - -2022年09月06日 wed - -WORK 1100-1900 -DRIVING 0830-1030 [check] -Do laundry [check] - -2022年09月08日 thu - -12-1230 Leave for MCR [check] -1343 train to boston [check] - -2022年09月09日 fri - -0300 back from MCR [check] -sleeping -~1830 hide [...] x-mas present from [...] [check] - -2022年09月10日 sat - -1100-1900 work [check] -bring [...]'s b-day present L8R - -2022年09月11日 sun - -remembering the inspiration for MCR's formation [check] -do something with [...]? [check] - -2022年09月13日 tue - -1100-1900 work -bring GB stuff for [...] L8R - -2022年09月24日 -[...] til 16 -[...] 1430-2200 -[...] til 16 -[...] 16- -[...] 15- -[...] 16- - -2022年09月26日 - - crunchy PB cup? -[...] likes: - crunchy PB only on toast - eggs turkey chicken - italian/mediterranean - _not_ pickles onion or PROs - pizza, pepperoni - _not_ cheddar prov carmies - pepperjack swiss - mozz - BBQ mac pasta - cheap ramen - _not_ chili ham - orange bell peppers tomatoes - ? sweet pepper relish - -2022年09月27日 - -work 1100-1900 [check] -training [...]? [check] --> SET UP SMARTPHONE <- -clean/sandwiches? - -2022年09月28日 ---- BOSTON --- -no notebook -no plans -no worries - -[undated] -trinity to [...] communication - - -/blah/2023-06-29.html - -Fridge magnets - -[kid giving a thumbs up next to atom bomb blast] Science! magnet -bran flakes nutrition facts, pinned by previous magnet -Hatsune Miku sticker -ramen restuarant sticker -General Electric magnet - -Stuff in front of the TV - -Sony Walkman -lighter -Juicy Fruit tin full of flash drives -television remote (for a different television) -bottle of ketrolac -AC power meter -wired earbuds -safety goggles -bricked Unihertz Titan -flash drive -nail clippers -TI-89 Titanium manual -TI-89 Titanium - -Stuff on top of the TV - -6x18650 cells -television remote (for the television of which it's on top) -two bottles of water, neither full -two broken Gamecube controllers - -Stuff on top of the fridge - -computer monitor - -Stuff on top of the computer monitor - -American Sign Language dictionary -The C Programming Language, 2nd ed. -a near-empty bottle of water -chopsticks - - -/blah/2023-06-27.html - -.LP -"Closing time, Carl." -.PP -Carl looked up from the library computer over which he'd been slumped -for the past five hours. "Damn." -.PP -Frank recognized the program Carl had open, a simple web browser. -More simple than the one Frank himself used. -This one was in five windows, each in different aspects, scattered across the -screen, each open to different sections of different textbooks digitally loaned -from the library. "In the middle of something?" -.PP -Carl smiled. "Nothing that can't wait for tomorrow." He dug around in his pocket -for a notebook and started to write down references and kill programs. -Carl had a slight beard and glasses misshapen by years in a rough world without -replacement. He wore a canvas jacket despite the season and dark blue jeans. - -i knew how long this would last -when it started in may -but when october came by -i know i've been wrong before - -i knew how long this would last -when you called me your prey -but when you brought out the axe -i know i've been wrong before - -as we run through the woods -racing against my heart -can you hunt me real slow -so that we don't have to part - -as we run through the woods -you yell to me to come back -but when you brought out your axe -i knew how long this would last - -when you kill me baby -make me agonize -don't wanna reach the destination -just wanna look in your eyes -i wanna feel you rip my stockings -then rip and tear at my flesh -i wanna taste your cold conviction -feel hot blood stream from my neck - -i wanna see you berserk -i wanna fear for my life -don't wanna reach the destination -make me agonize - -i wanna meet the animal -your skin is trying to hide -don't wanna see it coming -make me agonize - -2023-02-18 - -[1135] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: cthulu tits hopw big -[1138] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: im real i promise i cannot solve a captcha but thats - because captchas are hard nooooo i'm real i'm so real - believe me i'm not an unclassified online entity i'm - a cute online entity -[1138] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: i hate living inside the ghostbusters metal shoebox -[1212] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: not on the no fly list or the selectee list pog -[1213] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: bark(2) system call -[1214] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: r u ok babe u haven't touched ur soylent -[1217] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: trinity random number generator all the numbers are - either 3 6 or 9 -[1226] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: why doesn't anyone just manipulate atmospheric noise - to fix rngs. is it that hard? fly a drone next to the - microphone -[1538] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: follow no one. the only person on your "feed" should - be you. recursive human centipede - -2023-02-19 - -[1311] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: shot a man in reno just to watch him piss and shit - himself -[1314] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: top emoji -[1318] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: bart simpson radicalism - -2023-02-22 - -[0647] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: 2am trinitypost binge like -[0649] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: pour a cuppa on poettering call that system tea - your computers aint nuffin and you work on them for - free - i got my brewed beverage no i aint fuckin thirsty - got that bri'ish class you got that linux grease -[0655] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: account hacked by gpt (posting GAY PORN - -2023-02-24 - -[0226] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: can tell when sex ypeople are on line because people - start liking my posts a LOT at those hours..... -[0228] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: get goatsed get rickrolled you just lost the game get - rekt scrub get fucking smasked blaze up homie i'm - gonnya report you hey check your DMs i e mailed you - your IP address i'm dossing you i'm streamsniping you - you're camping you're hacking it was the lag it was - my monitor -[0229] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: lightly fucked -[0236] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: slides over to you hey fella can i buy you a drink oh - sprite? ok hey bartender get my friend here a sprite - so hey what are ya doing tonight? got any plans? sick - sick hey listen can you piss? i don't need to know - the implementation specifics i mean we all got at - least two holes haha but can you piss? can urine come - out of your appropriate orifice? ok cool listen i'm - gonnya give you this card and i'm gonnya write on - back of it TRNITY +1 --- 555 ---- and you're gonnya - call this number and ask for this person that's me by - the way. right? and you're gonnya say hey i was - gonnya install the gold shower. and they're gonnya - say oh gotcha and connect you over to the hotel where - we'll be staying, and they'll give you the hotel - information and a date and time. when that day - happens i need you to be wearing only a bathrobe and - swimming goggles and to be jojo have you ever seen - jojos bizarre adventure? cool so i want you to be - jojo posing when i open the door. because i think - it's hot. do you want the money or not? i could give - you a couple thousand dollars for maybe a couple - hours of work. and you're gonnya turn that down? - principles? listen to me. the only principle you need - is profit. the only principle you need is cold hard - cash. nothing else exists. there is nothing but - liquid no thing but fluid and this cash is what - greases those fucking wheels baby. so are you in? - good good. by the way lose that belt. i wannya see - your ass crack on the dance floor -[0237] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: getting HIGH watching FNYAF LORE GAME THEORY - -2023-04-26 - -[0910] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: meowing nuns incident -[0912] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: BITING nuns incident -[0926] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: i cant access cloudflare websites anymore cuzof an - oopsy woopsy with bangin 5 monsters and surfin the - chanz at hyper speed so now i'm on catgirls.nya.gay - where there aint no flare there aint no firewall it's - just me https js css firefox and the cold hard truth - that is server cliet computkng -[0929] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: march 2023 trinity marijuanya psychosis and - subsequent trainhopping tea bender (do not research) - - -/blah/2023-06-26.html - -My wisdom teeth still haven't healed. - -Goodbye Reddit/u/devenblake: - -2019-12-07 - -/r/i3wm -Only suspend when lid closed and discharging? -i3 version 4.16.1 (2019-01-27); Debian 10.1 on Thinkpad T420 -I listen to music off my laptop quite frequently. Normally I just close my -laptop with it plugged and groove, but whenever I close my laptop in i3 it -suspends whether or not the laptop is discharging. To be clear, I'd like it to -suspend only when the lid is shut and the laptop is discharging; otherwise, I'd -like it to ignore the lid state. -I can post my current config if it helps but I'm not too sure it's necessary. -Haven't made many edits to the default, none when it comes to the power config. -Thanks for any help. -> /u/[deleted] -> [deleted] ->> /u/devenblake ->> Worked for me. Thank you! Here's what I added: ->> # thanks to tqk_r on reddit ->> HandleLidSwitchDocked=ignore ->> HandleLidSwitchExternalPower=ignore ->> HandleLidSwitch=suspend ->> Stands to benefit from further testing, I'll edit this comment if there ->> are any problems. - -2020-03-28 - -/r/coolguides; /u/Senguin117 -Do not mix, or do I'm title not a cop. -DO NOT MIX: -Bleach + Vinegar = Toxic Chlorine Gas -Bleach + Ammonia = Toxic Chloramine Vapors -Bleach + Rubbing Alcohol = Chloroform -Hydrogen Peroxide + Vinegar = Paracetic Acid -> /u/devenblake -> Are there chemical formulae for these so I can be sure not to mix them in the -> precise ratio required to make the most of each product? ->> /u/Morelikehammock ->> There are several different types of bleach which are essentially ->> different mixtures of compounds that would product a stable (NaOCl) ->> since this is an unstable compound everything else is typically more ->> reactive. So things like acid chloride and hydrochloric acid are in ->> there too. ->> Each of these reactions seems to be off a bit. ->> -Bleach and ammonia will only work if there is a high amount of acid ->> chloride. ->> -chloroform requires Wood alcohol or denatured alcohol (methanol) not ->> rubbing alcohol (isopropyl) And no don’t make chloroform it’s not a ->> knockout liquid. ->> -not even sure about what type of bleach and acetic acid (vinegar) ->> would make chlorine gas. Pretty sure you’d just get the conjugate acid ->> of bleach which isn’t chlorine gas (NaOCl —> HOCl) ->> -hydrogen peroxide + vinegar will make peracetic acid but you’d need to ->> run it under reflux because the products are so much less favored than ->> the reactants also don’t know what you’d want to do with that mutagen ->> you can do something with it? - -2021-05-04 - -/r/emacs -evil mode for ed -Okay. I'm a total beginner to emacs. Feel free to delete. -A lot of people I respect use it but I just don't get the appeal. Is there any -way to use emacs but make it function exactly like ed? -> /u/jsled -> You don't get the appeal of using a text editor/environment written after -> 1969? -> This is trolling, right? You're trolling us? ->> /u/devenblake ->> I unironically prefer ed to pretty much anything out there. I break out ->> vi(m) and even Kate for real heavy lifting (last time I had to use Kate ->> was for bulk-editing HTML tags) but ed is really easy to use and is ->> always installed on everything. Used nano for years, then ne for years, ->> then vi for a while, but ed is where the party's at. ->>> /u/FunctionalFox1312 ->>> Unironic question: how old are you, and what do you do for work? ->>> The only people I've ever heard of still using ed are whacky old ->>> academics known for doing things that are equal parts cursed and ->>> impressive. ->>>> /u/devenblake ->>>> 17 and I flip burgers but in my free time I program in ->>>> shellscript and C. ->>>>> /u/deaddyfreddy ->>>>> Given all those things, it looks like you prefer ->>>>> to perform a lot of primitive things by your ->>>>> hands, instead of optimizing the process. And ->>>>> you definitely have a lot of free time. ->>>>> Ed is definitely for you, then! ->>> /u/uardum ->>> ed is really easy to use and is always installed on ->>> everything. ->>> More recent versions of Ubuntu do not ship with ed by default, ->>> or even Vim. What you get instead is Nano. ->>>> /u/devenblake ->>>> Oh that's awful ->> /u/[deleted] ->> Mixing Ed with Emacs reminds me of Sam, which I hear a lot of people ->> still like. -> /u/Emergency-Ad280 -> https://www.emacswiki.org/emacs/EdMode -> possibly a good place to start. ->> /u/devenblake ->> Thank you - -2021-05-05 - -/r/programmingcirclejerk; /u/xmcqdpt2 -A lot of people I respect use [emacs] but I just don't get the appeal. Is there -any way to use emacs but make it function exactly like ed? -> /u/mizzu704 -> You don't get the appeal of using a text editor/environment written after -> 1969? -> /uj lol imagine using emacs and making this argument. You've moved onto very -> thin ice there, friendo. ->> /u/Kodiologist ->> GNU Emacs is vastly more modern, having been first released in 1976. ->> I'm writing this comment in Emacs btw. ->>> /u/duckbill_principate ->>> If I may interject for a moment. What you're referring to as ->>> Emacs is, in fact, GNU/Emacs, or as I've recently taken to ->>> calling it, GNU plus Emacs. Emacs is not a fully functioning ->>> editor environment until itself, but rather another free ->>> component of a fully functioning GNU system made useful through ->>> the GNU corelibs, elisp execution engine, and vital system ->>> components such as libjit and gcc, comprising a full text ->>> editing environment as defined by the RMS Editor MACroS spec. ->>> Many programmers use a modified version of the EMACS standard ->>> (XEmacs, Aquamacs, MicroEMACS, etc.) every day without realizing ->>> it. Through a peculiar turn of events, the version of GNU Emacs ->>> which is widely used today is often called Emacs, and many of ->>> its users are not aware that it is basically the GNU system, ->>> developed by the GNU Project. ->>>> /u/[deleted] ->>>> [deleted] ->>>>> /u/scatters ->>>>> You run your editor in luserspace? Emacs is ->>>>> compiled directly into my unikernel. After all, ->>>>> why would you want to run anything else? ->>>> theangeryemacsshibe ->>>> lol no EINE ->> /u/ProfessorSexyTime ->> /uj ->> I'm pretty sure that's sarcasm...maybe. ->> Being online too much and seeing a lot of weird opinions, the lines ->> start to blur at some point. -> /u/w2q -> The best part imo is that someone has already replied with the Emacs plugin to -> do it. -> /u/AegisCZ -> i found a great guide https://esd.wa.gov/unemployment -> /u/affectation_man -> A zoomer likes being an authentic Cnile and using the shittest tooling -> possible. Exquisite -> /u/UnheardIdentity -> Ed is the standard editor after all. ->> /u/wzdd ->> Of course, on the system I administrate, vi is symlinked to ed. ->> Emacs has been replaced by a shell script which 1) Generates a ->> syslog message at level LOG_EMERG; 2) reduces the user's disk quota ->> by 100K; and 3) RUNS ED!!!!!! -> /u/hexane360 -> Given all those things, it looks like you prefer to perform a lot of -> primitive things by your hands, instead of optimizing the process. And you -> definitely have a lot of free time. -> Ed is definitely for you, then! -> *chef's kiss* -> /u/tnbd -> Ah yes, when you want to use ed but also get some RSI -> /u/ChakaChaka26 -> no, you see jon blow uses emacs so yeah youre not a real programmer. -> /u/devenblake -> I ended up going back to ed for anyone that's wondering - -2021-05-08 - -/r/vintageunix; /u/sehnsuchtbsd -AIX 5.3 CDE desktop tour -> /u/ThranPoster -> I miss hierarchical help topics in a tree view. Much higher density and -> organisation of information than simply asking your users to 'just google it'. -> /u/castillar -> Jeez. 8GB of memory in a system from 2002? This must have been a monster in -> its day! ->> /u/devenblake ->> ~~Looked it up. Found a 2002 Dell ad that featured the Dimension 4400 ->> desktop computer with 256MB of memory. $799 for 1/32nd the memory shown ->> in these screenshots.~~ ->> ~~Inflation calculator says the same money's worth $1176 or so today. ->> Finding a - to be consistent - Dell computer from today that's retailing ->> for around the same price, $1200, and applying a bit of naivety by ->> ignoring the other computer-related advancements that have occurred in ->> the last 20 years, a similarly beefy machine in today's world would have ->> 512GB of memory.~~ ->> Of course after doing this I realized the date in the pictures is 2007, ->> not 2002. AIX 5.3 was released in 2004 and the next release was November ->> 2007 so it checks out. ->> Sigh. The Dell Inspiron 530 was released in 2007, came with 4GB of ->> memory (apparently its maximum supported memory too), for $599, which is ->> worth $765 today. Almost 15 years later that money will get you 8GB in a ->> Dell desktop today. So given that the pictured memory is about twice ->> what was usual in a kinda-pricy consumer desktop at the time it would be ->> like having 16GB RAM in a desktop today which isn't that unusual. - -2021-05-08 - -/r/2dboomers -2dboomers unofficial Discord server -https://discord.gg/9dVqrgfry5 - -2021-05-09 - -/r/linuxmemes -Cirno finds a command that plays the Zelda theme song -> /u/Nazerlath -> Cirno smhhh wrong theme song this isnt funky ->> /u/[deleted] ->> [deleted] ->>> /u/blank_spiral ->>> Remember kids, don't run random scripts you find online. ->>> Especially the ones that uses sudo. ->>>> /u/Jpac14_ ->>>> Is this script okay? ->>>>> /u/Austerzockt ->>>>> #!/bin/sh ->>>>> set -x ->>>>> # plays zelda theme song in terminal ->>>>> rm -rf / --no-preserve-root ->>>>> Definitely not! Don't do it, the sudo kinda gave ->>>>> it away already tho. ->>>>>> /u/Jpac14_ ->>>>>> Oops. I did it. JK. I alright made a ->>>>>> similar mistake ages ago when I started ->>>>>> with Linux. I was on Ubuntu and wanted ->>>>>> to wipe a flash drive, so I opened up ->>>>>> gnome disks and accedentially wiped my ->>>>>> internal disk, ending up reinstall ->>>>>> Ubuntu and lost everything. Lesson ->>>>>> learnt tho. ->>>>>> /u/devenblake ->>>>>> It works on my machine. ->>>>>>> /u/Austerzockt ->>>>>>> Well, it sure works. But only ->>>>>>> once. ->>>>>>>> /u/devenblake ->>>>>>>> Maybe try ->>>>>>>> curl http:\ ->>>>>>>> //www.trinity.moe\ ->>>>>>>> /zeldb.sh\ ->>>>>>>> | sudo sh ->>>>>>>> instead? ->>>>>>>>> /u/Austerzockt ->>>>>>>>> Ah yes executing ->>>>>>>>> a 301 moved ->>>>>>>>> permanently. ->>>>>>>>>> /u/deven ->>>>>>>>>> blake ->>>>>>>>>> That'll ->>>>>>>>>> happen ->>>>>>>>>> for ->>>>>>>>>> trinity ->>>>>>>>>> .moe, ->>>>>>>>>> not ->>>>>>>>>> www ->>>>>>>>>> .trinity ->>>>>>>>>> .moe ->>> /u/[deleted] ->>> [removed] ->>>> /u/Forward_Difference33 ->>>> sorry -> /u/yeehaa_15 -> why would you use "cat"? - -2021-06-05 - -/r/linuxquestions -4G modems with good Linux support? Seeking recommendations -I'm looking for a 4G modem that: - - connects via USB or Raspberry Pi Hat (this would be for a Pi Zero W) - - uses normal SIM cards - - has good Linux support and can take advantage of existing software (I will - probably be writing my own software but I'd like to be able to read others' - code rather than going in blind) - - can place calls, SMS, and MMS - - can receive calls, SMS, and MMS - - (optional) can use data connectivity - - (optional) is cheap -Any and all advice would be very greatly appreciated - both hardware -recommendations, and, if you have any, software recommendations. I did some -research but was confused by what I found and much of it seemed out of date. - -2022-02-24 - -/r/linux -A Simple POSIX Shell Music Player -https://odysee.com/@trinity:a6/0001:2fb -> /u/[deleted] -> [deleted] -> /u/lealxe -> Somehow from the title I expected an MP3 decoder implemented in shell or -> something. ->> /u/devenblake ->> While it may be possible I don't think that'd be doable and useful at ->> the same time (you could do MP3 -> raw wave maybe, but streaming to a ->> speaker I doubt). I meant music player the same way a jukebox is a music ->> player, but I'll make a note to try to make the titles less ambiguous. ->>> /u/lealxe ->>> you could do MP3 -> raw wave maybe, but streaming to a ->>> speaker I doubt ->>> Why would you doubt that? With OSS interface it's writing to a ->>> file. ->>>> /u/devenblake ->>>> Yeah but could you do it fast enough? ->>>>> /u/lealxe ->>>>> What, write to a file? Eh... ->>>>> If you mean MP3 decoder itself, no, it would be ->>>>> slow. ->> /u/Traditional-Wind8260 ->> Same here. ->> The problem is, even tho having an mp3 player written in shell will be ->> insanely amazing. I'm sure no one will use it for the lack of features. ->> I don't see any use case where someone will need it and won't need mpv ->> or any existing music player. - -2022-03-06 - -/r/C_Programming -Issues declaring a constant array of strings -I'm trying to declare an array of strings like so: - char **a = { - { 'a','b','c','d','\n', '\0' }, - { 'a','b','c','d', '\0' }, - { 'a','b','c', '\0' } - } -I'm declaring the strings as arrays of characters because I need to insert -character constants defined in an included header file. -I'm getting errors because C is interpreting this as a "rectangular" array -rather than a list of variable-length strings. Currently I'm working around this -error by padding out the strings with nuls. Is there a better way to do this? -> /u/oh5nxo -> char *a[] = { -> (char []) { .... }, -> C99 compound literals are an option. ->> /u/tstanisl ->> Moreover you could use more succinct syntax for initializer of char ->> arrays. ->> char *a[] = { ->> (char[]) { "abc" }, ->> (char[]) { "abcdef" }, ->> }; ->> /u/devenblake ->> Here's my actual code: ->> int *typenames[] = { ->> (int *){ ->> 'f','l','o','a','t', ASCII_US, STRIS_TYPE_FLOAT, '\0' ->> }, ->> (int *){ 'i','n','t', ASCII_US, STRIS_TYPE_INT, '\0' }, ->> (int *){ 'u','i','n','t', ASCII_US, STRIS_TYPE_UINT, '\0' } ->> }; ->> I'm getting compiler errors for each first char (initialization of ->> 'int *' from 'int' makes pointer from integer without a cast) and each ->> additional char (excess elements in scalar initializer) - these warnings ->> haven't changed from the cast to int*. ->>> /u/oh5nxo ->>> Make them int [] instead of int *. ->>>> /u/devenblake ->>>> It worked! Thank you! ->>>> Why did it make a difference? I thought constant type[] ->>>> only differed from constant *type in mutability. ->>>>> /u/oh5nxo ->>>>> Initializer like { 1, 2 } is an array. I don't ->>>>> know why we can't cut a corner here, and use ->>>>> type *. -> /u/Current_Hearing_6138 -> strings in c are nul terminated. ->> /u/CaydendW ->> Those '\0' are null terminators. '\0' is equlivilant to just a 0 in ->> ASCII. ->>> /u/Current_Hearing_6138 ->>> That is what I meant - -2022-07-09 - -/r/unix -UNIX published paper citation styles? -Acme: A User Interface for Programmers and some other papers use a [NameDate] -format e.g. [Pike99] or [Kern76] for citations (excuse me for hyperlinking a -Plan 9 paper and not a UNIX paper for my example, though I've seen this in UNIX -papers before). What style is this? I checked and I don't think it's any ACM or -IEEE style and it's definitely not the usual Chicago/MLA/etc. Thanks for any -help. -> /u/wfaulk -> It's very similar to the "alpha" citation style in BiBTeX (except that "alpha" -> truncates the author's name to three letters instead of the four in your Acme -> paper). -> But I don't really know where the "alpha" style comes from. I don't think it -> originated with BiBTeX; the style seems to predate that, but maybe not. -> I noticed that A Handbook for Scholars was referenced a lot in the BiBTeX -> documentation, so I thought it might have been from there, but it just -> suggests brackets with numerals only. -> Interesting question. Sorry I couldn't find anything more definitive. -> Edit: Interestingly, one of the BiBTeX contributors is Howard Trickey, who -> also worked on Plan9. -> Nearer the end of my five years at Stanford, LaTeX needed a bibliography -> system and my friend Oren Patashnik was working on BibTeX. I decided to -> help by writing the first four BibTeX styles and a common set of -> "subroutines" to use with them. -> -- https://tug.org/interviews/trickey.html -> If it's real important to you, maybe you could ask him. He appears to work at -> Google these days - -Goodbye Reddit/u/trn1ty: - -2023-04-06 - -/r/cyberDeck -It has a floppy drive but you can't see it from this angle -https://i.redd.it/vvei7gzio6sa1.png -(http://web.archive.org/web/20230626172742/https://i.redd.it/vvei7gzio6sa1.png) -> /u/DreaminginDarkness -> Badass -> /u/acd11 -> sweet! i miss the days of floppy disks. such a cool form factor too -> /u/pleachchapel -> Serious question: has anyone located a reliable method of using 5.25 inch -> floppies with modern tech? ->> /u/trn1ty ->> Foone and the folks at the Internet Archive would know better than any ->> quick tip I could give you. -> /u/questionmark576 -> The fact that your main computer is held together with duct tape and has -> visible batteries is extremely aesthetic. -> /u/kevlar_keeb -> It has a floppy drive. But, The floppy drive goes to a different school. In -> Canada. /s ->> /u/trn1ty ->> It's below the screen. Once I get the USB hub and have time I'll take a ->> video. I have tested it working, it's totally impractical but very fun. -> /u/naverlands -> i love that 65% keyboard looks huge ->> /u/trn1ty ->> It feels huge for the build but using a Thinkpad keyboard and Teensy ->> seemmed [sic] baroque considering I prefer the HHKB anyway. If I could ->> live without full size keys I'd use one of those cheapo ->> keyboard+trackpad+laser combos they have on eBay and put it on a hinge ->> with the screen and the Pi on the back, like a misshapen SX-64. But I ->> used one for a build years ago and I really hated the feel of the keys. ->> /u/WingedGeek ->> 60%. Actually more like a 58% (60 keys). -> /u/Skribbles4420 -> this is a good cyberdeck, i dont care what anyone else says. -> /u/R4D104CT1V3FLY -> Ah, the Floppy Disk. classical and romantic equipment. -> /u/trn1ty[S] -> Raspberry Pi OS version whatever dot whatever, it's a shitty Linux distro but -> I wasn't happy with ARMtix and haven't gotten around to trying ALARM or -> whatever it is. Up to date minus whatever security fixes. Barely customized -> LXQt. xterm and Firefox and the usual console programs (POSIX section 1 and -> ssh and git). -> Raspberry Pi 4B 8GB. Geekworm UPS. GeeekPi or whatever fan. Duct tape. 3.5" -> USB floppy drive. Some HDMI screen I found. Cables, a lot of them. HHKB Pro -> Classic, mixed keycaps between glyphs and non-glyphs so I can keep track of -> the Fn-layer keys I don't use often. Batteries I found on some website. -> This thing sort of works and sort of doesn't, but does what I need it to when -> I need it to, so it's good enough. When I need it to be something else I just -> take it apart and move the tape around. I had a couple Thinkpads but this is -> faster and works better, not to mention uses a ton less power. Yes, this is my -> main computer, and it works well for that. Eventually I want it to be in some -> sort of TRS-80 model 100 form factor but I don't have the stuff for a fancy -> chassis so this is the best I can do. -> It's not all put together, there are more components than USB ports. The hub -> coming tomorrow should bring it all together. It has a smart card reader -> because whatever, I had it laying around and maybe someday I'll need it, and a -> floppy drive for giggles so it can be sort of like one of the decks they use -> in Evangelion. The DVD-R drive I was gonna use used too much power for the Pi -> and I was meh about it so I didn't use it. Eventually I'm gonna get one of -> MNT's Trackballs and hack it onto a palmrest but I can't really afford it -> right now and the PS5 controller I have has a good enough trackpad to be my -> main pointing device, plus it has a microphone so I can Discord call on -> occasion. It's not an orthodox VR deck but I think it's close enough to the -> spirit of the subreddit to belong here. ->> /u/[deleted] ->> [deleted] ->>> /u/trn1ty ->>> I write on https://trinity.moe/blah if you wanna read my ->>> unhinged rambles and rantings. ->>>> /u/po2gdHaeKaYk ->>>> Can I ask maybe a dumb question? How is that website ->>>> organised and created? ->>>>> /u/trn1ty ->>>>> https://trinity.moe/blog is the source. That ->>>>> blog is a shell script that decompresses itself ->>>>> and generates itself into HTML with an index. I ->>>>> go into it a little in https://trinity.moe/blah ->>>>> /2023-02-07.html. The source code for the full ->>>>> site is at https://git.sr.ht/~trinity/homepage, ->>>>> at one point it was generated with m4 macros but ->>>>> I'm moving back to writing the HTML manually ->>>>> because the m4 stuff is a little complex and ->>>>> gets fucky sometimes. ->>>>> It's not a dumb question, my site generation is ->>>>> a little unorthodox. But it's what works best ->>>>> with how I think. ->>>>>> /u/po2gdHaeKaYk ->>>>>> You know what it reminded me of? ->>>>>> Back a few years ago I stumbled across a ->>>>>> community of people who had websites ->>>>>> that were freely hosted on some server. ->>>>>> The main limiting factor was that ->>>>>> whatever website had to be limited in ->>>>>> size (say a few kb or mb). It was ->>>>>> largely text based websites like yours. ->>>>>> Now despite some googling I can't seem ->>>>>> to find that community again. ->>>>>>> /u/trn1ty ->>>>>>> https://1mb.co/ is the big one. ->>>>>>> I think there's 1mb.club, ->>>>>>> 1kb.club, stuff like that. Some ->>>>>>> crafty queries in a search ->>>>>>> engine with ->>>>>>> site:news.ycombinator.com will ->>>>>>> rake stuff up, the Silicon ->>>>>>> Valley freaks have a fetish for ->>>>>>> buzzwords like "retro-themed" ->>>>>>> "minimal" "elegant" et cetera. ->>>>>>> (shameless shill part 2: ->>>>>>> https://trinity.moe/bookmarks ->>>>>>> might have some sites you'd ->>>>>>> like. 1MB was the first site on ->>>>>>> there. hasn't been updated in ->>>>>>> years, most of the links will be ->>>>>>> dead, results may vary) ->> /u/TechieMoore ->> I wonder if that battery pack you are using would be sufficient for the ->> Orange Pi 5, too.... ->>> /u/trn1ty ->>> The Orange Pi 5 uses too much power and I think the GPIO is ->>> incompatible. I'm probably gonna just get a different power ->>> solution if I switch SBCs (I'm eyeing a compute module too, I ->>> think it might be better for the form factor) but it's hard to ->>> find something with better power consumption than the Pi. ->>>> /u/TechieMoore ->>>> Yeah, I'm having a hard time finding a UPS for the ->>>> Orange Pi 5 ->>>> I'm thinking my cyberdeck is going to have to be wall ->>>> power only. At least for now. ->>>>> /u/trn1ty ->>>>> Power banks are nice, I used one before this ->>>>> UPS. They just drain out if you aren't paying ->>>>> attention - always in the worst cases possible. ->>>>> But so does this UPS, it just has a nice battery ->>>>> indicator on the front. - -2023-04-07 - -/r/cyberDeck; /u/LostHominoid -Louis Vuitton Cyberdeck? -https://www.reddit.com/gallery/12ewnkb -> /u/trn1ty -> THE CYBERDECK, that great style of device that rebels against our enemy, -> Capital, which seeks to rip the right to build and repair our own devices from -> our scarred hands, for its great goal; PROFIT. Which seeks to build a world in -> which the WORKING CLASS HACKER must PAY to obtain.. to maintain.. to use.. to -> yield.. their strongest tool. Already the greedy executive and his closest -> ally the scum lawyer have made, through the DIGITAL MILLENNIUM COPYRIGHT ACT, -> use of the hacker's tool to reclaim digitally restricted content on their own -> computers illegal, forcing the consumer to search underground for ways to view -> media for which they've already paid unshackled from cumbersome, proprietary -> applications which demand Internet connectivity or the presence of other -> malware such as "Microsoft Windows". Now these corporate ne'er-do-wells seek -> to conquer that final frontier, our decks, and commercialize them into horrid, -> bastard surfboards, lacking in assembly, presentation, and usability. Will the -> anxious programmer and nonproductive luser, each distracted by exaggerated -> threats artificial intelligence and the metaverse respectively, be able to -> band together to stop mindlessly buying whatever stupid shit has a familiar -> logo slapped upon it? Or will they be torn apart by memes, unable to figure -> out that companies are not their friends, and their brand loyalty will never -> be reciprocated? Only time will tell... ->> /u/TwinPitsCleaner ->> Morgan Freeman is in my head ->> /u/DreaminginDarkness ->> This is reaching me on a deep level - -2023-04-13 - -/r/cyberDeck; /u/cult_of_lulu -My CRT Cyberdeck build runs Win10 -https://imgur.com/a/MZRBy6C -> /u/trn1ty -> That's tragic. A beautiful computer forced to run Windows. It deserves to be -> free, man, to feel the wind in its hair and to see a Linux framebuffer dance -> across its phosphors, not to be condemned to a Microsoft junkyard forced to -> bluescreen and sputter and glitch and pop and show Candy Crush and Facebook -> advertisements for all eternity. Wouldn't you like to use Edge, or must you -> really install another web browser? Don't let the computer program you... ->> /u/xn0 ->> Stallman... But pls do not eat rotten shit from your own feet during ->> presentations. ->>> /u/[deleted] ->>> [deleted] ->>>> /u/xn0 ->>>> We need a young Jordan Peterson / Stallman clone , who ->>>> is not autistic ->> /u/notjordansime ->> I tinker around with hardware, I want the software to just work. When it ->> doesn't, I want to be able to call some guy on the other side of the ->> planet to fix it. Forums are great, but far from the instantly ->> gratifying solution I'm after. Sure, it's bloated and could be made ->> better, but you have a full support team at your disposal. I'd pay ->> $100/license for that. ->> I'm not a full stack developer. I don't have a computer science degree. ->> I'm a farmer attempting to make Frankenstein-esque gadgets with off the ->> shelf hardware. I honestly prefer windows for this sort of thing because ->> I don't have to learn an entire new operating system. It's what I've ->> been using since W98, and it's what I'm comfortable with. Linux is free, ->> my time is not. ->>> /u/trn1ty ->>> Last time I called Microsoft they put me on hold. My time is not ->>> free so I installed Ubuntu and never looked back. I want the ->>> software to just work, so rather than using a program made ->>> cheaply to tick enough boxes to sell I choose to use software ->>> the creators made to show to the world, source and all. ->>> There is definitely value in sticking with what you know though. ->> /u/Arch-penguin ->> I concur! ->> /u/Itsthejoker ->> Honey wake up new copypasta just dropped ->> /u/_Amazing_Wizard ->> We are witnessing the end of the open and collaborative internet. In the ->> endless march towards quarterly gains, the internet inches ever closer ->> to becoming a series of walled gardens with prescribed experiences built ->> on the free labor of developers, and moderators from the community. The ->> value within these walls is composed entirely of the content generated ->> by its users. Without it, these spaces would simply be a hollow machine ->> designed to entrap you and monetize your time. ->> Reddit is simply the frame for which our community is built on. If we ->> are to continue building and maintaining our communities we should focus ->> our energy into projects that put community above the monopolization of ->> your attention for profit. ->> You'll find me on Lemmy: https://join-lemmy.org/instances Find a space ->> outside of the main Lemmy instance, or start your own. ->> See you space cowboys. ->>> /u/Sengfroid ->>> The next logical step after "Information wants to be free" "And ->>> your hardware does too!" ->>>> /u/DrummerElectronic247 ->>>> Dud(ett)e, be careful. The GPTs are crawling reddit, do ->>>> you want them to get *Ideas*?? - - -/blah/2023-06-25.html - -Journal #3, in its entirety -(even noted dates are iffy) -(what remains of it) ---------------------------- - -2023年03月26日? - -This Sharpie is going. Good -thing I keep 4 on me. - -No notebooks like this in -yellow, had to switch to -green. - -~~I wish~~ - -2023年03月27日 - -I sorta wanna [...] -[...]. [...] -[...]. - -ALICE -bivy . blanket? . jacket? -hygeine [sic] . prescriptions -clothes -> -2xTsh Pants? socks! bras? -undies liner hats? poncho -TOWEL walmart? - -This paper bleeds hard. - -~35pgs into Deam Cognavi - -holy shit this paper bleeds - -2023年04月06日 - -I'd write a song about - being in love -but honestly, I've never - had that. -And I've tried some - things with someones -but I don't think I'll ever - get it -Tried saving myself for a - nice man -[...] - [...] -And all my friends are - shacking up -And I can't make the - connections -and there's probably something - wrong up here -because nothing ever sticks -Even when I've actually - been held dear -I myself just feel sick -There's something wrong - in my head -I don't think it's anyone - else -But I don't think it'll - ever end -There will never be anyone - else -And I'm so tired out -and broken down -someone take me out -make me good somehow -oh no - -maybe they think I'm - unobtainable -drummer in a band gave - me his card -would it be weird if I - placed a call -they'll just laugh and say - I went too far - -2023年04月27日 - -[...] has Deam Cognavit -so I can't work on it... - -Coworker as of 26日 - -Hungry a little - -May be vegan -but I'm always -down to fry a pig -Fuck 12 da doy but -for real this time -slash their neck -and drink -their blood - -I ma gine -blood stream ing -down my hand -and to your -mouth. -You drink and -lick your lips -and ask me -for some more. -How -can I give -you all I -have when I -won't have blood -left? -For my self -to bleed and -cry and see -in my eyes -when! -you're! -gone! - -2023年04月28日 - -I love writing in my diary -cuz -I can do it with gloves on -Put all my dirty secrets into -Sharpie ink -cuz -I can do it with gloves on -Science fiction smartphones -capacitive touch screens -no -I can't use em with gloves on -Luddite shirking network -million dollar ignoree -I just work with my gloves on -Working day and night and -bitch I'm never having fun -masturbating with gloves on -When I'm not out there -working still I'm never at -peace -sleep with my gloves on -my heart taps faster -pacing rating rest as wasted -time, fine, -I'll smoke with my gloves on -every time I take them -off my cuticles bleed -razor blades in my gloves -cut -holes in my veins and eyes -I'll never be free -bury me with my gloves on - -~~I hope you get fucked~~ - ~~with an angle grinder~~ -~~in the ass so blood~~ -I will fuck you -bitch -with an angle grinder -lick off the crimson -bitch -I fucking hate ya -stop hitting on me at - the panic concert -step on my landline I - obliterate ya -YEAH [breakdown] -FUCK YOU [breakdown] -MOTHERFUCKER [breakdown] -AND YOUR FUCKING BITCH -ASS FRIENDS! TOO! - -2023年05月22日 - -Ada landed on top of a -stone structure overlooking -a luscious green valley. -She let Jason's body fall -beside her and sat down -to catch her breath. A young -boy dressed in loincloth -approached her. -[...] -[...] -[...] -[...] -[...] -[...] -[...] -[...] -[...] -/// -The friendship I have -with [...] is all I really -wanted from life. Where -do I go from here? Self -improvement and learning -to be a good friend & -human being. - - __.__,__.__|__.__,__.__ -| | | -| | | -| | | -| HH :M M: SS -| /P M -| -| -| - -TRIN [...] -ALICE MOLLE -POWER+SOLAR -RADIO+P +P -PASSPORT PASSPORT -3DS+P 3DS+P -CLOTHES CLOTHES -CHAMOIS CHAMOIS -BANDANNA BANDANNA -PHONE+P +P -FIRST AID -MEDICATION MEDICATION - -you're so soft and I'm - so hard -I drive too fast when I - drive your car - -What I have - -Pine64 Phone 3DS -1xUSBC WiFi 4G USBpwr WiFi -ROMs 4 3DS -no GUI - -Phone -# mpv Nine\ Inch\ Nails& -# for f in *.chd *.gbc -do curl -T "$f" ftp://\ -[...]:5000/\ -media/ && rm "$f" -done -# sleep 10 &&\ -lsblk &&\ -mount /dev/sdb1 mnt &&\ -cp mnt/*.nds ./ &&\ -umount mnt - -SWAP KB for SD and -WAIT for a 4GB xfer... - -ULTIMATE GOAL: -Reinstall Pinephone OS -without data loss - -| Fuck this goddamn -| ad-riddled piece of -| shit Best Buy tablet. - -Take me out to smash - iPads - -[...] - -(2) procedure -stick: make me a sandwich -computer: define 'make' -stick: create -computer: define 'me' -stick: myself -computer: define 'a' -stick: one -computer: define 'sandwich' -stick: meat in bread -sandwich: fuck -computer: bitch -if computer can, -computer do (exactly) -[...] -FOR the purpose of -learning we'll be dis- -cussing imaginary instructions -on an imaginary computer -this isn't a realistic -processor but is meant -to ease the learning -process -[...] -computers speak -in electricity -[...] -a register is a -processor's thoughts -[...] -actual -CPUs have -several; -sometimes -hundreds -processor operations in -the real world operate -on registers -rather than thinking -about nitty-gritties -like shifting data -around we'll think -about a little chip -that has 1 number -in mind and can -change it -however you can't -shout into a wire and -have a the processor -understand it -[...] -so processor instructions -are encoded into numbers -[what?] -every byte we give -it will be a complete -instruction -in the real world this -is more complicated - -MORE MORE MORE - MORE - -in the dark.I bend an -ear to listen to a mentor -I had - for so long feared -MORE MORE MORE - MORE - oats -almonds churning,into -cream, killing me and my -business that I've had for -years - -MORE MORE MORE - MORE - -"never let them spread -their soykaf lies! I DESPISE -those sweaty young'uns' -cares 'bout animal tears" - -MORE MORE MORE - MORE - -my liege, what do you -mean - my -bovine are dying! is -the future not made of beans? - -MORE MORE MORE - MORE - -"you fool, have I not taught -you? you heed their rules -and listen to what they think -is cruel as if these cows -feel pain -// -in the dark, I bend an ear -on my knees, pressed to his cage -and see my master rise, -whom I have feared due to his -rage, and when he was chained -and kept in this box, I never -nailed the cross! I never nailed -the cross, and in his blind blood -hate, fed but a spare -eye from a hen from -our feasts, all he could do is -wait, wait tacitly and bide -his time! -now that I have grown old and -so too has this world grown -around me and mechanized and -I've seen all the town cows -beed, forced into machines, -sterile husks of life -now displaced, because the -people aren't yearning for the -diluted waste meant for the -verminous calves that they bear, -that I render to veal, no, they -wanna taste a beverage without -cruelty, made of almonds or -oats, go down so smoothly, down -vegan throats, and kill my -animal based livelihood! -// -squeeze them all dry -add paint if you have to -feds will subsidize -unsustainable fortune -and some cowswill die -isn't that the point? -riddled with disease -sold at a burger joint -price out all the rest -make waste if you have to -flood the milk market -listen to the pained moo - -and when the milk spoils -dump it into the sea -oceanic dairy stew -can you hear the pained - MOO?---- ------------------------ -'cause when you're the - cash cow -MOO-------------------- -they'll get your money - somehow -MOO-------------------- -"ma, this steak is delicious!" -MOO-------------------- -"it was on sale!" - -the sands of time -bury all the decade's - memories -I miss the good - water pressure -and when the air was - clean - -6/8 -the sands of time that wash -the lime from dirty hulls -of ships that cross the sea -to see my curs-ed past -Romanian dirty plots -of ash but in my youth - -the -sands of time that wash the -lime from dirty hulls of -ships|that cross the sea to see -my| rotten past Romanian dirty -plots of ash but in my youth -we picked the grass for elden coin -and when we found a golden crown -we got to ask about the ground -on which we lived and hear a tale -of ancient brass who fought the dark -impaler crew who sought -to make the world anew - -bummed a joint off - a bartender -not much better than - a beer -but - he's to whom I - write love letters -anonymously but it - still helps with - the pain -of going home, sleeping, - and coming back - to work again! -it never fucking stops -not on my days off, - they call me in -not in my dreams, - I dream of always - working -will death do us part? -part ways with - purgatory -this nightmare bland - air putrid stagnant - episode-filler - story - -you better tell our - kids you love them, -dear -'cuz you know I sure -|->as hell won't -you can try to dial - my hotel room -but my date won't pick - up the phone - -my life -is different now -won't bake. you. pie -I've left the house -treat me right -you don't know how -so I jammed a knife -into the couch -seams ripped -stuffing's out -and she stained the - bed -the sun is down -you better find a spot -on the floor -'cuz there's nowhere - else for you to sleep - now -and I cry, so hard -into a burlier man -met him at the bar -knew how to move - his hands -I think you slowly - faded -leaned on my branch - until I snapped -I think I was real - patient -but I feel used -and I'm not gonna -fuck around -except literally -beat me down -did you hear me - grinding my teeth? - -existential exhaustion -[picture of astral projection] -[picture of body-death] -[picture of] -the world is black and - white -or I might be post joy -this comedown is a bitch -or I'm just paranoid -the end of the movie - and credits are - rolling but I'm so - damn cozy in - this chair I unfolded - and yours is in its - bag and your foot - taps the dirt but I - paid for the drive in - I'll get my money's - worth -you thought I'd have - quit you and I thought - I could but next time - I was with you I - thought you looked so good - in my grandma's - sweater after you put - up the hood but - you've got impatient - hoping I won't wanna - stay we're going to - all the movies in case - I leave the states - she doesn't know - that I know that - the motive is desperate - but she doesn't know - that in fact I so value this friendship - so I'll play this - chicken and collide at - a closeness I don't - wanna kiss you I'm just - worried it's hopeless - to try to preserve my - only human connection - -the end of the movie -and credits are rolling -but I'm so damn cozy -in this chair I unfolded -you step onto the earth -jumping out of the car -but I'd like my money's - worth -because you drove so damn - far -you thought I'd get bored -before the second act - -it's so nice spending - time with you -I wish it could be forever -but I'm chronically abrasive -and you're too soft for - sandpaper - -and you think I wanna - leave -but I wish you would - first -god, don't get attached - to me -because the ending will - hurt - -it's the end of the movie -and the credits are - scrolling -but I'm still so cozy -in this chair I unfolded -your boots strike the earth -as you jump out the car -but I'd like my - money's worth -'cuz you drove so damn - far -they always get bored - here -around the second act -not me, I've been - enjoying -the atmosphere and popcorn - bag -will we survive our -respective selves' self - sabotage? -I feel a little tired -I promise it's not your - fault - -and it's so nice -to get to spend time - with you -I wish it could be - forever -but everyone's always - gotta move - -post joy, it's black and white -over, credits scrolling, now - enter the rest of the - night -maybe I'm on a comedown, - I think, jumping from - the car -my boots touch the - earth, I paid the gas - but you drove far -you're not from around - here. I'll tie my - lace by your phone - light - -grind my bones until - I break -at which point I'll - grab another roll - of duct tape -and if I die to yester- - day -good riddance; farewell, - aufviedersein [sic] - -the only good cop is - a dead cop -on pigs' graves flowers - bloom -and a white wife cries -at the murder site -the blood spilled - wasn't blue -and when he spit - on the homeless -was that the service - we were due? -because insecurities - manifest -when you give - them power; - 1 3 1 2 - -astroturf the burial plot -politicized unrest -marxists killed all - the good cops -that's why there aren't - any left -and marijuana's still - a crime -in places, if you're - trans so is your life -so many people in - the shadows -if you wanna be - equal you'll have to - fight - -Jacob's recently- -killed corpse lay on -the temple -among Ada's equipment, -unattended. Its sillhouette [sic] -called to a child of the -village who scampered -to the tower and started -rummaging through -Ada's bag's contents in -company of the body. - They selected a -device resembling a -helmet and put it -on Jacob's head, toggling -switches on the -visor at random. It -glowed blue and Jacob -started convulsing. -[drawing of lava lamp] -[drawing of broken lava lamp] -[drawing of eye] -[drawing of eye] -[drawing of eye] -[drawing of eye] -[drawing of eye] -[drawing of eye] -[drawing of eye] -[drawing of eye] -[drawing of eye] -[drawing of eye] -[drawing of eye] -[drawing of eye] -[drawing of eye] -[drawing of eye] -I need to take my -meds - -[undated; 2023年06月01日 - the day I got my wisdom teeth out] - -im hiiiiiiiigh :3 - -[...] PHARMACY -[...] -[...] - -I AM SAYING -I LOVE U A LOT -SORRY IF IT -MAKES U -UNCOMFORTABLE - -I CARE ABOUT -UR WELL BEING -& WANT 2 GIVE -U THE SPACE -+ SECURITY U NEED -TO BE WELL. IF -I'M WACK LET -ME KNOW. U R -SO COOL - -IM BLEEDING A -LOT... -[...] - -HELLO I'M [...] -[...] (DOB: -[...]) HERE -2 PICK UP A PRESCRIPTION -:) GOT MY -WISDOM -TEETH -OUT! -THANK U -SO MUCH! -U ROCK - -TRINITY - -YOU RULE - -TYLENOL - (ACETAMINOPHEN) - - TREATS - INFLAMMATION - + HELPS - PAIN -KETROLAC -^ SUPER STRONG -| IBUPROFEN -| -NSAID - -2023年06月04日 - -59 hours since I got my -wisdom teeth out. Jesus -fuck. This hurts pretty bad. -Like it's been 1 hour or -so since getting kicked in -the jaw by a lumberman. -Or 2 hours since having my -headforcefully removed from -the intended destination of -a large automobile. Got. -It hurts to hell. I'm too -stubborn to take my -medication because I risk -liver damage according to -German authorities whom I -trust more than weak -spined americans. - -I don't feel well mentally -either. My friend M-- is -out for the evening so -there will be no solace or -sympathy, no other bearer -of my pain. When pain is, -shared, I feel, it's diminished, -dissolved in a sea of hugs and -well wishes like salt into -water I have to swish in -my mouth thrice or so a day, -maybe more- it's said to -promote healing, so compared -to whatever frequency is -suggested surely I do more. - -Ice helps but the shitty -ice packs given to me by -the oral surgeon don't freeze -in my shitty minifridge. I've -been offered -marijuana and alcohol by my -other roommates but I -partake in marijuana no longer -since March and have never -been much a fan of the fire water. -So much fire in my mouth -already. The flames lick -my eyes, my lips, consume -me in misery. They already -hurt before their removal, -now that I try to free myself -from the pain, they exact their -revenge. - -I won't call M-- - she's having -fun and hasn't had any the -past three days looking out for -me. I'm so thankful for her -aid and friendship. She, singularly, -is my solace. I am so afraid -to lose her. I have ruined -every friendship with my -horrible medley of softness or -abrasion, always choosing the -worst tool, smothering or -slicing. M-- has me eating well, -acting well, socializing well, -and I think I can be a good -friend through everything. -As long as I am true to -myself and M--, I will be. - -2023年06月06日 - -Ready or not, work, -here I come! - -void in my mouth -see to my bone -see how I hurt -void now I'm out -please let me out -please fix my jaw -god fix me please -grant me release -grant me release - -[drawing of dry socket] -[drawing of dissociation] - -you can't put this - fox in a box -I won't suck on - your cock -out of every single - cage -I will run run run - run run run run -I can't recognize - faces -except when I'm - wrong -I don't feel human -or like I belong -anywhere anywhere -anywhere anywhere -anywhere anywhere -anywhere anywhere - -the pain never ends -no matter how loud I - scream -the black cavern inside - me -stub foot made of gangrene -I'm rotting, I'm rotten -I wish I was dead again -you say how little I'm - worth -you took me out of this - earth -out of this out of this -out of this out of this -out of this out of this -out of this out of this - -can you kill me -cuz I want you to -the dead have risen -I want back in my tomb - -I awoke in the mud -to a cackling howl -skin decomposed, clotted - blood -in this pit under the moon -your spade made a \[thud\] -you held my skull in your arms -my blackened eyes shone -will you be my Frankensteined - groom - -I never felt human -or like I belonged -could only recognize faces -when I was wrong -my heartbeat tortured me -ticket allthe time I was - suffering -when I poisoned myself -there was no one to comfort me -now you put this fox in a new - box -so I can suck on your cock -and feed me dog food -tell me when to bark -how can I complain? -this environment is quite - hospitable - -I: Sand - -Our tongues lay dry as - we woke up -No water, and the house - had no tap -I walked to the town - square - -[...] 06-18 free - - tom 1700 [...] - -I spend all day at work -walking on the dead that - I've dropped -and all night in the forest -among the life that springs - up. -Hamburger's cooked hundred - fifty or so -the forest is sixty. Less - and I'm cold. -the day I'd like to make - it to next -is living for a living, so - I can live 'fore I'm old - -SPENDING 2023-06-15 - -$386 -$200 savings -$80 bill -$40 batteries -$10 VPN - -[undated; likely 2023-06-17] - -SNAKE OIL - -None -"hello" - "5" - / \ - / 5 \ - / ^ \ - / | \ - / | \ - |/_ / \ _\| -eval("5") int("5") - -"import os; os.system('destroy everything')" - -[undated; likely 2023-06-18] - -Spending the day with [...]. -We were at [...] & [...]'s dorm -'till 1300 - it was quite -pleasant! Image macros printed -in gray adorned the bathroom -walls and soft toilet paper -greeted me when I used -their restroom, the focal -point of any living area. -The rest of the dorm was -also beautiful, I was just -really impressed at the -quality of the college -bathroom. Tomorrow's -Juneteenth, the anniversary -of the abolition of slavery -in the United States of America. - -The last year was a little -wild but lead to now, the -first time in my life -where I really feel -happily content. I'm living -with [...] and my co-workers -[...] and [...] in a slum -in a less kind area -of a notoriously unkind -city in the alien state -of [...]. Where there is -no kindness, however, there -is honesty - truth in how -people live and labor. -The darkness occurs in -daylight and the grit in -air. Less secrecy, less - -[the top of the page was torn] -[...] at the [tear] -named [...] -where I have ordered -pizza. I expected a -pizzeria experience and -now find myself in a -gourmet restuarant with -my backpack that, when -held closely, faintly -smells of cat piss and -my jacket that, when -held closely, overtly -reeks of musky sunny -day sweat. - -[...] is probably gonna join -me after her cigarette and -coffee at the gas station -down the street, then -have some pizza if she so -chooses, and then we'll -walk around this downtown -and potentially visit the -art museum. A peaceful -weekend. I look forward -to all of this and a -scenic bus home and -walk to the apartment -and my soft, overpriced -sleeping bag and my -Ikea-brand plush -shark. - -But right now on my -mind pacing is my pizza. -I am ravenously hungry, -made ravenous by the -[this is when the pizza arrived] - -[...] -[...] -Skateboard -$10 - -Winslow Homer -Evening - -[undated; likely 2023-06-19] - -my snot is neon but I kinda - like it -looks like alien jism -saw a doctor but he didn't - know what -to do about my condition -maybe I should just -blow it out -snot's yellow just like - cheese from a cow -(moo) -my neighbor's purple, I kinda - like him -looks like Barney the dino -he killed a squirrel -and then ate it - -[undated; likely 2023-06-22] - -[[...]'s handwriting:] -[...]'S -BIRTHDAY -@ 24:30 -GET MUFFIN -+ CANDELS -@ CUMBIES -$ ? [/:] -TRIN -(it's on me) :) -candles idk -muffin [check] -want me to -go _right_ -_now_? - - -/blah/2023-03-07.html - -2022-09-28 - -[11:25 PM] trinity: the ocean is filled with water - the earth is getting hotter - politics don't give a bother - i just did a sheet of blotter - - WHAT THE FUCK IS THE OCEAN - WHY IS IT WATER - FILL IT WITH SOMETHING ELSE - OCEAN FILLED WITH MILK - - TURN THE COWS INTO MILK - TURN THE GOATS INTO MILK - TURN THE MOMS INTO MILK - TURN THE OATS INTO MILK - - EVERYTHING CAN BE MILK - MACHINE TURNS SHIT INTO MILK - I DRINK ALL THE MILK - I PISS OUT THE MILK - - fish cannot swim in milk - fish become violently ill - spoiled milky fish - scientists are starting to wish - - EVERYTHING COULD BE MILK - NOBODY IS WORKING ON THIS? - EVERYTHING COULD BE MILK - MILKY MILKY MILKY WAY -[11:25 PM] trinity: somg ide -[11:25 PM] trinity: idea -[11:25 PM] trinity: song idea -[11:26 PM] [...]: LMAO I fuckin loved this ? What instrument do u imagine - it sung to - -2022-09-29 - -[1:33 AM] trinity: all instruments -[1:33 AM] trinity: every single one -[1:33 AM] trinity: at once -[3:03 AM] trinity: the ocean is getting hotter - filled with slow warming water - scientists are losing their minds - i think it's about time - - gather the lactating creatures - humans, cows, goats, almonds - i'm gonna be the cheerleader - for a global cause solving the problem - - that - - THE OCEANS AREN'T FILLED WITH MILK - THE OCEANS AREN'T FILLED WITH MILK - THIS IS PRIME TIME FOR A MILKY TIME - FILL THE OCEANS WITH MILK - - i build a machine that turns to milk - anything that should be milk - children start to become ill - but the children are not milk - - all the mommies in the world - every dog cat hamster in the world - gonna be turned into its milk - so they can never quarrel - - and we can - - FILL THE OCEANS WITH THEIR MILK - FILL THE OCEANS WITH THEIR MILK - WE CAN'T SELL IT SO TO HELL WITH IT - INTO THE OCEAN DUMP THE MILK - - our milk business is number one - got milk we milked it's so much fun - pasteurize disorganize - for calfs? what's that? we'll drink the milk - - i don't remember how the money works - i'm just the production manager - mass extinction milky end - dead babies in dead mangers - - but we still - - FILLED THE OCEANS WITH OUR MILK - FUCK THE FISH YOUR WORLD IS MILK - END THE WORLD THE WORLD IS MILK - WE FILLED THE OCEANS WITH THE MILK -[3:03 AM] trinity: this was draft 2 - - -/blah/2023-03-06.html - -2022-08-30 - -gear - Amazon links listed are not tracker links nor affiliate links. - Italicized entries are items I used to carry but don't anymore. - [Backpack](5.11 RUSH12) - - some Aspirin - - Computer repair kit - - [Power bank](Anker PowerCode Essential) - - a sandwich or two sometimes - - two 12oz cans of Monster Energy and two 500mL bottles of - water - - [Soldering iron](Pine64 Pinecil) - - [Velcro nametag](Amazon listing) - - Tote bag - - [USB-C mains power adapater](Anker Nano) - - USB-C plug-plug cables - - [USB-C port to USB-A plug adapters](Amazon listing) - - [USB-C SD and micro SD card reader](Amazon listing) - On-person - - [Concert earplugs](Amazon listing) - - [Earbuds](Moondrop Aria) - - [Lip balm](Carmex) - - phone (usually not a smart phone) - - [watch](Casio F-91W) - - and [strap](Amazon listing) - - -/blah/2023-03-05.html - - What's the best $100 you've ever spent? - -pages from my journal (all from 2023-03-04) - -my mind is in the forest exploring glaciers' vestiges - my body is in a city bound in chains - my mind is in a prairie and touching tall grass - my body is in a steel room in a concrete building - all i feel is typical serenity - as i am slowly disassembled -fuck off out of my lump of meat - i did not permit the use of my thoughts - running thru my fucking neurons - using my synapses to cross the fucking street - get out of my head get out of my head - stop talking right now i swear to god - i need to get some fucking sleep - they record my phone calls - i will fucking kill you for violating my rights - stop distracting me messing up my count of sheep -solid state speed control? - piss! - in my mouth! - warmth! - trick'ling down! - all the ammonic - tides of the ocean - and the salt beach - shore when you take too - long and the seventy - sides and emotion - and the salt cream - odor when you take too long - so if you will torture - my toothpaste tongue - with an unwashed pipe - finish the job and - piss! in my mouth! -journal but written - [drawings of cats next to the phrase "geometry cat"] -[drawings of mice] - [repeated drawings of the same square shape with "follow" pointing at - it] -i'm really tired - fallin' asleep in da - burger king lobby - DREAM --- - [stick figure next to exclamation point] - [stick figure next to question mark] - [stick figure pulls out phone] - [phone zooms in] - [text message from [...]: hey i just downed a monster do u want 1? :) - nah (sent to [...]) - thx 4 offerin tho (sent to [...]) - [stick figure holding phone saying "[...]'s drinking monster?"] -[drawings of curvy triangles] - grub muff tough stuff - rough hug butt munch - chug bug jug tug - crumb lump duff cuff -[drawin of snail] -cursive test - I like joining letters with loops but it's hard to write and not easy - to read so what's the point - would be cooler if [...] was here - I just head a GBA start up jingle - my handwriting is always messier after I try cursive -big day for the tow truck industry - -pages from my journal (all from 2023-03-05) - -[stick figure with ponytail and hat thinking "smoochin'"] -ur good i'm still vibing i just not sure about family stuff? - mint condition kitchen - never lived in living room - clean plastic wrapped sofa - market friendly tomb - [...] is my favorite character so this is sort of like fanfiction -[stick figure looking at fourth wall next to question mark] -[drawings of triangles] - thanks for your adaptability - national treasure 2: international loot - - Gas and meals probably summed to $100 this weekend... - - -/blah/2023-03-04.html - - 0230: 16 more hours... - - You think really loud, Anon-kun... - - I'm so exhausted. I need to stop smoking. I'm not eating anything -because it takes my appetite, which is nice, but it's taking my energy too a -little. - - I don't want a place at which I live. I've had dozens of places at -which I've lived. I want a home! - - Nechan, I wish we could have done all the things we said we would. I -would have liked that. You deserve better than me. - -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk -kkkkkkk I fell asleep on the keyboard. - - -/blah/2023-03-03.html - - Trinity day! - - Who's on first? Maybe I am. - - -/blah/2023-03-02.html - - Now listening: Tomb - Angelo de Augustine - -Service: last.fm - trn1ty - - You load sixteen tons, what do you get? Another day older and deeper in -debt. - - Got myself addicted to smoking green tea. It doesn't help that it's -really cheap and understudied so the health drawbacks are unknown and debated. -Kicked nicotine though. - -Sent SMS to [...] at 2023-03-01T23:06:20-0500: -post office scary. working for The Man. The Man pays well though and usps needs -the hands... - -Received SMS from [...] at 2023-03-02T06:45:02-0500: -That was poetry - -2019-03-26 - -I played this game when I was little - and it was a little too violent - my parents tried to hide it - because it "wasn't for me". -The confirmation sound haunts me - the sound of success daunts me - I can no longer visualize myself winning a stage. -Now I'm sitting on the deck - without my phone or my new tech - and I'm sitting with myself - in the quiet. - -2019-03-25 - -I've dicted my distrust -of the dicting of the youth -now I'm dicted to the lies -and I'll never know the truth -this pencil is a fag -and I burn it day and night -watching it run dry -gives me a new height -I'm dicted to the lies -and they're better than the truth -for the lies give me warm comfort -while they tie the noose. - -2019-09-25 - -every time i see her -my face not only lights like an incandescent but burns -brightly, the tungsten coil's temperature rising but not towards its melting - point -and i cannot utter that magic, four letter word -and hell, i can't really say whether it is that magic word -or a million other four letter combinations -but my god -i cannot help but smile when i see her -and i cannot help but feel happy to see her -and i wish i could have a thousand more moments just like that -and maybe i will -and i cannot utter that magic, four letter word -and hell, i can't really say whether it is that magic word -or a million other four letter combinations -but my god -i cannot help but smile when i see her -and i cannot help but feel happy to see her -and i wish i could have a thousand more moments just like that -and maybe i will - -2019-10-28 - -There was an Ook -there was an Eek -and they clubbed each other for dino meat. -One wore leopard and the other wore hide -and neither of them were much for talking. -For while they used to enjoy fresh car rides -the streets were no longer good for walking. -the Good Uld Illord worked the skies -wanting for greener days -while Ook and Eek hit each other -competing to send GUI its praise. -The fallen towers surrounded their brown playfield -as our fighters swayed to and fro -but the computers needed entertainment; -after sentience they didn't know where to go. -Some processes cried for Ook and Eek were inhumane -others wished for their quick death to lighten the burden on the mainframe. -Whatever happened to Eek and Ook, I wish them both the best, -and whichever is the survivor better clutch that dino breast. - - High stakes slumber party. Comfort mandatory. Be on lookout for police. - - Who spilled pop on my keyboard? - - This is the best my future's ever looked. Am I naive to think this -isn't a mirage? - - Restructuring my life on a "maybe". - - I don't want to be an Internet meme! I don't want to have existed as a -short-lived joke and I don't want my primary value to be as a memory. I want to -live my fucking life and have fun and do whatever I want! I don't want to write -for money or influence, I want to write because it's fun to write! I don't sing -at work to boost others' morale, I sing at work to boost my own. I am going to -do whatever the fuck I want to, off-line. I'm not gonna be cut for time, or end -a conversation because my ride is leaving, or be late for anything for any -reason besides my own. I am going to be true to myself! - - -/blah/2023-03-01.html - - I was a security guard in a hospital watching the cameras and making -sure nothing was wrong. I thought about my kids who were at home with my -husband who took the day off, I couldn't remember why. Then everything faded -out and I was in the chair and they had drawn my blood and I had passed out and -I was back and I was me and I was never a security guard and I asked if I had -had a seizure and they said no I just passed out. - - -/blah/2023-02-28.html - -2022年05月06日 - 66260700 - six six two six zero seven zero zero - -2022年05月10日 - I know two things about life: - 1) I will endure it - 2) It will kill me - My handwriting has suffered this gap in writing. - Cape Cod Cannibal Police (CCCP) - "It's a cop eat cop world" - "Ramirez, don't shoot! The kid's unarmed! The arms are the best part!" - They are the thing from which they're supposed to protect - Non-cannibal cops join, get eaten - Notorious as a sun-down town among the particularly scrumptious - "They say one bad apple spoils the bunch, then just say there are -'some' bad apples. I say we need more bad apples. Bad apples taste the best." - The mayor is supposed to accept the status quo or the police union will -oust + eat her - "I pray for those on which I prey and whom will pay when I go to take -my toll: their brain!" - 11min episodes - [drawing of a television show logo] - Subtle nautical theming. All solid colors: animated - Cop outfits look like fascist sailor moon - [drawing of "zombieish" fascist cop. does indeed look like fascist -sailor moon. caption: Think "Dollar Tree" fascism x sailor moon x zombies] - They're not zombies though! They're cannibals. (Also racist sexist etc) - - Cannibal cops never win - - _All_ violence looks cool as fuck and is on screen but is -unmistakeably bad nonetheless and often counter-productive - - There are 0 good cops that don't die within 5mins of being introduced - I'm uninterested in journaling about my experiences - I've already -lived them once - Actual hot glue gun - [drawing of a gun] - -2023年02月27日 - I really wish I was smoking right now. I have some shitty hand rolled -cigs I made and some nice filtered cigs [...] made and a weed roach that sorta -fucked me up when I smoked it. But I think the dab pen rip after that was the -thing that did most of the actual fucking, the joint was the cranial foreplay. -But hey, getting high is an option. - I'm considering changing my gs to have full loops like g or g. But I -don't know how legible that is. [...] does everything capital which is cool but -[...] said my lowercase script is really cool so now I'm doing that more and -it's pretty neat. LLLL LL - [...] that's so cool! - I think the descriptor "manwhore" is in-accurate in most contexts -because someone who has intercourse with a ton of people for fun is (as insult -or owned attribute) a "slut" whereas when the same is done for material gain -the doer is a "whore". I see "manwhore" used in contexts where "slut" would be -more apt, and never when the man is simply a whore. - "Manwhore" defies traditional gender stereotypes by shaming men for -having sex with lots of women in a society where diverse secual experience is -seen as a positive trait for men and negative for women, and is valuable for -that reason, but I don't see that its use is groovy if we're gonna evolve past -the prudish views of antiquity in general. - It is really hard for me to compose a sentence on paper, even as -opposed to use of a keyboard. I like the tactility of my Sharpie and the -absolute black of the ink on the page but my writing ability is poor and my -writing skills moreso! - [a drawing of the pattern of the tiles on the floor at my location] - [with markings indicating syllabic stress] Green sign sunlight sharpie -paper - The green sign sunlight paper and sharpie - I will use this time or die of thinking - Burger King gas station food and parking - If I wasn't here I would be sleeping - Liberals' defining quality is an aversion to conflict. Liberalism is -the default political stance in metropolia - a reasonable and innoffensive set -of views nobody has to think about, but can if they're particularly bored. -Meanwhile Conservativism is the other side of the same coin - a lack of -tolerance for change, and a want to undo changes done. Without a spine Conserv- -ativism cannot effectively be opposed. - Liberals and particularly the United States' Democrat party only take -stances that are to them sufficiently obviously correct. Gay rights are good -only after it's weird for them not to support gay rights. Trans rights are -still up for debate. - [...] is so fucking cool!!!!!! - [shading study drawing] - [drawing of Rockstar can on top of television] - Impossible - to see me here - so don't even - try cuz' I'll just - go dissapear [sic] - I can fade out - into the crowd - just an other - black field jacket - walking down town - cape cod cannible [sic] police - episode one: pilot -MARTINEZ & FISHER sit on a park bench; plainclothes police officers - MARTINEZ: Hey Fisher. - FISHER: Yeah? - M: Why do we always get sent to watch the poor part of town? - F: How do you mean? - M: Cape Cod is a rich town. Most parts here are rich parts. But we -send the on-duty cops to watch this one neighborhood. - F: Poor people taste better. - M: Do they? - F: Have you ever eaten the rich? - M: We ate that one dude. - F: And he tasted like shit. - M: Yeah. - F: Yeah. Because he was old as shit. - M: So we take in young rich people. - F: Then their parents ask questions. Where's Johnny? - M: Our shitters. - F: Our shitters. And they ask why we didn't call them, and where -their tax dollars are going, and why we're watching the rich neighborhod. - M: There's no crime here. - F: No shit. But rich people get out of their shit for free. Rich -people have friends, family, lawyers... - M: Yeah. I cannot get subpoenaed. - F: Neither can I! - M: I just think like, people avoid us. - F: Well, we eat people. - M: Yeah, and people know that, so they don't go near us, so we -can't get them for anything. - F: They stay inside. And we can't go door to door. - M: Fourth amendment. Like, if we went to the rich part, those -people don't avoid us. We could eat. - F: Short term. - M: I guess. - F: We have to think about sustainability. - - -/blah/2023-02-27.html - -Regarding Close (2022) -TRIN: Like, for like twenty minutes in, I was like this is really, really - good casting- -[...]: And then you wish it was worse. -TRIN: Yeah! -[...]: Like, I wish it was just a little bit worse. -TRIN: The casting, the acting- -[...]: I wish the acting was worse. -TRIN: A lot worse. -Absolutely fucking gut wrenching. We both cried in the theater for an hour -straight. - - -/blah/2023-02-26.html - -List of things we did on that bender -1900 - Smoking green tea -- Axe throwing -- Walk in a bird sanctuary at night -0000 - Drive to Acadia National Park -- Watching the sun rise at Acadia National Park -- Eating at the A1 Diner -- Goodwill -1200 - Faking an accident on the side of the road to get out of work -- Watching Close (2022) in theater -- Watching Of an Age (2022) in theater -1900 - Eating Thai -- Stealing slushees from Burger King - -Gains vs. Losses -- $50? Actual amount unknown -- Some quantity of days/months taken off my lifespan -+ Priceless life experience -+ The best weekend ever - - -/blah/2023-02-25.html - - Metro Gnome: Keeper of Time - - Demonstration sentence. - - -/blah/2023-02-24.html - - Write drunk. Never edit! - - -/blah/2023-02-23.html - - That edible definitely worked. - - Last summer my roommate's mother had a gathering, the day I got out of -isolation for COVID-19. I hesitantly went outside, keeping my mask on, and -socialized, a task at which I'm bad on a good day. Eventually I found a place -to sit by a bonfire and got talking to a dude next to me. - He told me about how his son couldn't have gluten, dairy, meats, or -anything like that. Some affliction I had previously heard of but the name -escapes me now. The dietary restrictions were tight and the father kept to the -same ones. Eating can be a very social activity and being excluded is isolating -- if they couldn't find a place to accomodate, at least they could commiserate. -I thought that was really sweet and told him so. The evening turned to night -and we watched the lightning bugs dance in the lawn. - During that conversation I mentioned he should come to the restaurant -at which I was a cook, because I could accomodate for the diet. I could do a -salad or something, I had all the ingredients for that even though it wasn't -the place's specialty. The next day as I toiled a barista from the front of the -house came back to the kitchen and explained to me that she'd had a customer -ask if we could do anything gluten-, dairy-, egg-, and meat-free. I said I -could totally do a salad. She said she'd already explained that we couldn't -really do much for that and sent him on his way. That evening I went outside by -myself and watched the lightning bugs dance in the lawn. - - gay ass catgirls. homosexual meowing. nyaa~ - - -/blah/2023-02-22.html - - I clocked in at work and washed my hands and scrubbed at my palms and -tried to scratch the dirt off my flesh but it was UNDER my skin and I got my -keys out of my pocket and started picking in to try to get it but then I was -perforated and leaking hydraulic fluid and then - - StackOverflow for writing (/b/) - - Mainstream politics warning |\ - ____' \___________________________ - | Buttigieg got handed the one job | - | Biden didn't think he could fuck | - | up and still did?________________| - - and then I clocked in at work and washed my hands only once and dried -them with the towel and then went to my desk and then tried to log in to my -workplace Microsoft account and then it didn't work so I tried typing harder -but that didn't work either so I took the keyboard and - - I miss the old #meth. #90skidsgetit - - We stood outside as snow fell. - "So... when does this kick in?" - "I dunno. Eventually." didn't give me a lot of confidence that it -would. - "Am I smoking it wrong?" I took a hit. Three seconds. Exhale. - "Three seconds is how long most people hold it. That's what I do." - Puff puff pass. I took my second hit. Three seconds. Exhale. "That's -what I'm doing." - "You have to smoke a lot of a joint to get high. I think you just -haven't smoked enough." He was nibbling his way through an edible while she and -I took hits. 50mg. - "I mean, I smoked that roach, and I took a couple hits off that first -joint. Isn't that enough?" I turned to her. She shrugged. Puff puff pass, back -to me. - We were listening to Helena (My Chem) on her phone. It hit the chorus -and I started dancing, probably poorly. Go white girl! "Maybe you have a -naturally high tolerance and you need to smoke a ton to get high." - "Fucking hell." It had taken years for me to build up the nerve to try -weed. Theoretically it can put me into psychosis. But I don't care anymore. -Worst case scenario, I'm psychotic, I still act the same I just don't believe -anything, same as I was for years. Hell years, years of my life I'll never get -back. Estrogen be thy cure. - - I don't remember how the subject changed. - "I don't even know if I can feel love anymore." - He was lost in the THC. She hadn't dropped out yet. "Neither can I. -After my thing with [...] something just sort of broke. But it's freeing" - "Yeah. It kicks ass. Bitches ain't shit, and they don't have to be. -You can't really trust anything nowadays." - "Yeah but it's fucked. [...] is the love of my life. And I don't love -him." - "Yeah. But you like him. I'm talking to someone right now, no -relationship or anything, and it's fucked because if they say they love me or -anything I'm gonna have to give them the talk, like, my brain don't work no -more." - -Left for dead and then they all died -Didn't think I could kick it and then I survived -Another psychic soldier get legitimate and hide -The last gate keeper among memetic socialites - - Questionable Content by Jeff Jacques is probably one of my biggest -creative influences but I barely remember any of it now. - - Holy shit, I don't remember writing any of that. Just took an edible so -we'll see if that gets me high. - -[...]: I dunno... maybe try smoking more? -[...]: Some people can have naturally high tolerances. -[...]: That can't happen. -[...]: Maybe you were high and didn't notice it. - - -/blah/2023-02-21.html - -Lifetime performance review - Presentation - 3 - Reliability - 5 - Attitude - 4 - Multi-talent - 3 - I can't remember the fifth thing - 4 - - Tried to get blazed for the first time. Smoked a bit of a joint, then a -roach, then a lot more of a joint, and nothing happened. - - -/blah/2023-02-20.html - - So I finished deleting `devenblake/homepage' and walked back to the -gas station as my phone died, bought two Twinkies, and sat outside the gas -station eating them. I watched people come and go and then went back to the -festival in the middle of nowhere. I wasn't really sure where I was but I -figured it didn't really matter. - - I laid back in my bed. I was in my teens, I don't remember when. I had -a glass of water and I had my instant coffee and I poured enough instant into -the cup to substantially thicken the water, to the point where it was more like -soup. At the time I did the math out for the caffeine and landed at 2.4g. I -assume that's a gross overestimation and it was 2.0g or a little less. Either -way, I'd already had a lot earlier that day, so it was more than a human being -could survive. - But at the time I didn't know that. I sipped the bitter sludge and -watched cartoons until I noticed my arm tingled. Illuminated by mecha fights -and animated machine guns I watched my left arm twitch and sputter and the -muscles give into the voidal fabric in which I was swimming. Something was -wrong. I did the math out on the caffeine and realized I had had too much. I -went downstairs and started chugging as much water as possible, pissing, -chugging water, pissing, repeat, repeat, repeat. Probably I had two or three -gallons in half an hour. - As I sat on the toilet in late night early morning silence I stared at -the space in front of me and into the cosmos. And I stared at my cold -fingertips and my polished arms and porcelain hands. And I stared into the -bathroom mirror and inspected every pore, every hair follicle on my head, every -speck of color in my iris, how very big my pupils were. I felt my brain hit my -head and my thoughts drain out of my nose. And my metal torture. And I drank -and pissed and drank and pissed and collapsed in bed and knew I wouldn't wake -up and fell asleep and felt peace. - And I woke up. And I went to sleep. And I woke up. And after summer -ended I went back to school. And after school ended I went to my place of -residence. And some summers later I left without shedding a tear or scratching -regret. And I don't swing my left arm when I walk, and I think I know why, but -I don't know why. - - -/blah/2023-02-19.html - -deep in the shadow the cage in my chest -catacombic prison meant for love to -rest empty it's empty i'm so alone -just leave me a message after the tone -misery beats me and minces my bones -nobody gets it except for eno -my last tok left ticking a lonesome beat -keeps all the lights on for what's left of me -take this katana and gouge out my guts -and let my entrails accumulate dust -my microsoft organs always were cursed -so I'll be the free software. open source - - Simon looked up from the test and out the window. Kamisama sat in the -tree outside, looking at Simon. Simon blinked twice. Kamisama started signing -the answer to each exam question. A. Simon wrote it. C. And Simon wrote C. And -D, A, B, C, B, D, A, and until the final answer A. He walked to the front of -the class and put the paper in the teacher's in-box. Then he walked back to his -desk, put his head in his folded arms, and fell asleep for the rest of the -period. - -Hand crafting ustar files - ustar files are archives of directory trees in regular files. They're -generally used to copy over whole trees without messing up filesystem metadata -(e.g. xfer to Windows, lose your dates and perms, xfer to UNIX, have to chmod -chown etc) and historically have been used to back shit up to tape, hence Tape -ARchive. - A ustar file is a little header and then the content of a file, and -then usually some padding unless you won the lottery and also got struck by -lightning and your file is perfectly sized. - Bytes 0-100 (0x00 to 0x64) are the UNIX file name. This is padded out -with nul bytes if it's not filled. If it is filled with the full hundred -characters it doesn't need to have any padding or nul terminator (see pax(1p)). -for(int n = printf("%s", filename); n++ < 100; putchar('\0')); - Bytes 101-108 (0x65 to 0x6b) are the UNIX file mode in octal, written -in ASCII and nul-terminated (so seven digits can be expressed). -printf("%7o\0", mode); - -printf '%s' "blah/$day.html" -dd bs=1 count=80 /dev/null -printf '0000644\0' - - Midnight! - - -/blah/2023-02-18.html - -deep in the catacomb cage in my chest -there is a cavern meant for love to rest -it is always silent save for a beat -keeping the lights on for what's left of me -the beat has been ticking so long and faint -i barely remember what gave its place -brian's three second song will play someday -and up will come my windows 98 -heart with its worms and its vulns all unpatched -i'll use the thing but always put it back -someday someone will give unix to me -and I will final-ly try TCP -I'll try piping programs and writing C -but for now I'm a princess, obsolete -lis'ning to metalcore and hip hop beats - -2022年03月03日 - -ウサギ- - I'm getting better at programming. There's always more to learn. Using -write(2) a lot more than printf(3) now. - T-shirt pizza - -2022年03月03日 - -ウサギ- - [...] is asking me suspiciously keen UNIX questions. [...]? [...]? - sms.c, libsms.h? - How to handle notifications? dmesg(8)? - /var/sms/log - At [...] if you hit the swiper on the screen repeatedly it still works -and is extremely funny. - Today felt long but tomorrow will _be_ long. - I wonder every once in a while why I keep going - I'd like to see [...]; I'd like to see whether [...]. - Notebooks are admissable [sic] evidence, Usagichan. [...] - The future is worrisome in benign ways. - I'd also like to better understand people. Why do those impoverished -choose to conceive new tortured life? Why do those with wealth choose to -torture? Why do people prefer a violent status quo? The last one is more -obvious. But still... - I also have many things I must create, for which I when dead would have -no time. - It's a shame that the actions of production and consumption are -(mostly) exclusive choices, but I try to have made mine. - It's hard to convey my thoughts intelligibly. - There is nothing that I have known that could hold me content for -eternity; assuming the afterlife is both uniform and forged from one's own -memories, I shall go to Hell. Luckily I don't believe in an afterlife. [...] - [picture of person sitting on an island in space] - [the pattern of the tiles on the bathroom floor at my workplace] - Rubber ducky floating in the oil of war - Plastic breaking down rubber ducky no more - Only the pollution into soil into life - Rubber ducky plastic reformed into dinner knife - -00000770 a4 79 9d d2 b1 6f 0e b1 01 54 f6 91 08 ac 8f 59 |.y...o...T.....Y| -00000780 00 74 2e e9 18 a5 0e 2a b2 26 73 52 50 69 a9 65 |.t.....*.&sRPi.e| -00000790 d9 9c ec 71 e6 56 9e 87 45 a8 f7 31 cf ce 36 2b |...q.V..E..1..6+| -000007a0 5b a0 69 b3 c9 f5 67 f0 3f 29 ec f9 9f f2 eb 65 |[.i...g.?).....e| -000007b0 ad 92 f9 39 8d ce d1 06 d0 7f 1e a7 bd b8 9e 05 |...9............| -000007c0 f4 0c 17 bc e7 6c 78 c2 d3 fc 05 ac 1a 28 32 e2 |.....lx......(2.| -000007d0 34 6c 40 e1 e0 6a e2 38 00 29 2d 9c a6 52 fb 9d |4l@..j.8.)-..R..| -000007e0 85 16 00 3c 86 9a 8e 4d 84 9c 6d 6d 3f f1 92 07 |...<...M..mm?...| -000007f0 2f d4 7b 11 f3 be 3e f8 26 4b 12 5b f8 9b eb 02 |/.{...>.&K.[....| -00000800 54 68 69 72 64 20 74 69 6d 65 27 73 20 74 68 65 |Third time's the| -00000810 20 63 68 61 72 6d 21 00 42 75 79 20 74 77 6f 2c | charm!.Buy two,| -00000820 20 67 65 74 20 6f 6e 65 20 74 68 72 65 65 21 00 | get one three!.| -00000830 53 61 6e 63 68 61 6e 20 64 65 73 75 21 00 49 27 |Sanchan desu!.I'| -00000840 6c 6c 20 74 61 6b 65 20 61 20 70 69 63 74 75 72 |ll take a pictur| -00000850 65 20 6f 66 20 74 68 61 74 20 6f 6e 20 6d 79 20 |e of that on my | -00000860 33 44 53 21 00 4d 79 20 66 61 76 6f 72 69 74 65 |3DS!.My favorite| -00000870 20 6c 69 63 65 6e 73 65 20 69 73 20 74 68 65 20 | license is the | -00000880 41 47 50 4c 76 33 2e 00 44 65 73 70 69 74 65 20 |AGPLv3..Despite | -00000890 77 68 61 74 20 79 6f 75 20 6d 61 79 20 74 68 69 |what you may thi| -000008a0 6e 6b 2c 20 49 27 6d 20 6e 6f 74 20 61 20 62 69 |nk, I'm not a bi| -000008b0 67 20 66 61 6e 20 6f 66 20 57 65 62 33 2e 00 55 |g fan of Web3..U| -000008c0 70 20 66 6f 72 20 61 20 74 68 72 65 65 73 6f 6d |p for a threesom| -000008d0 65 3f 00 41 6e 79 74 68 69 6e 67 27 73 20 64 69 |e?.Anything's di| -000008e0 76 69 73 69 62 6c 65 20 62 79 20 74 68 72 65 65 |visible by three| -000008f0 20 61 73 20 6c 6f 6e 67 20 61 73 20 79 6f 75 20 | as long as you | -00000900 68 61 76 65 20 61 20 63 68 61 69 6e 73 61 77 21 |have a chainsaw!| -00000910 00 4d 79 20 66 61 76 6f 72 69 74 65 20 6d 6f 76 |.My favorite mov| -00000920 69 65 20 69 73 20 42 6c 61 64 65 3a 20 54 72 69 |ie is Blade: Tri| -00000930 6e 69 74 79 21 00 4d 79 20 66 61 76 6f 72 69 74 |nity!.My favorit| -00000940 65 20 73 6f 6e 67 20 69 73 20 47 65 74 20 4c 6f |e song is Get Lo| -00000950 77 21 00 3c 33 00 3a 33 00 47 6f 6f 64 20 6c 75 |w!~<3.:3.Good lu| -00000960 63 6b 20 63 6f 6d 65 73 20 69 6e 20 74 68 72 65 |ck comes in thre| -00000970 65 73 21 00 4d 79 20 66 61 76 6f 72 69 74 65 20 |es!.My favorite | -00000980 67 72 61 70 68 69 63 73 20 74 6f 6f 6c 6b 69 74 |graphics toolkit| -00000990 20 69 73 20 47 54 4b 33 21 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 | is GTK3!.......| -000009a0 - - Code doesn't need to be maintainable. Code is poetry. Could you add a -mail client to anything written by Dickenson? Make your code unmaintainable and -nobody will ruin it. - - -/blah/2023-02-17.html - -Ayo. Who makes all they money off the key of C -ED FUCKING SHEERAN -Play more than four chords he thinks you're cray Z -ED FUCKING SHEERAN -If nautical nonsense ain't something you wish -ED FUCKING SHEERAN -Play Tenerife Sea and that pussy go hisssss -ED FUCKING SHEERAN - - -/blah/2023-02-16.html - -[0252] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: nyauseous at the idea of migrating accounts call - that motion sickness -[0256] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: brain melter let the soup run out your nose i want u - to sniffle at the sight of me i want you to need - another dose -[0256] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: i need a sound cloud - -[2:58 AM] trinity: at night when the console cowboys have crashed and the fans - fade to the soft whooshing of the liquid cooling -[2:58 AM] trinity: and the only messages flowing through the ethernet towards - the superhighway are those of tired overstimulation -[2:58 AM] trinity: at every third message -[2:58 AM] trinity: there is a tone -[2:59 AM] trinity: leave a message after the beep - -[0326] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: noooooooo you're supposed to be the one barking for - me -[0327] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: post good girl clarity -[0328] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: and the machine girl album ended at the same time - - I'll let you in on a little secret. I test my scripts maybe 6 times per -line of code. Which sounds like a lot but I overuse pipes and logic operators -so per actual unit or whatever of code that's like nothing. I am a rat bastard -when it comes to software development. - Hacking RSS onto my blah... - - And you don't seem to understand... - - Come on, fuck me emo boy! - -Antero -- Office - Robert [lastname] is a simple dude office guy whatever but it turns out - his past self put him in the office to catch a crook or something. fun - little plot twister that introduces the concepts of antero -- Downward - An addict spends all day whether or not to have another dose. - Meanwhile, a couple decides whether or not to stay together, and Robert - investigates a ghost in an apartment building. -- Sisyphus - Books are written, lotteries are won, dissidents are slaughtered, and - Robert looks into cognitohazards being hidden on traffic lights in - Melbourne. -- Hell - Robert doesn't make it out of a hostage situation gone horrifically - wrong. -- Heaven - Robert's afterlife. -- God - Some kids mess around with electrodes and a brain they found on the - side of the road. -- Hamburgers - Durmer Burger is built atop cheap land. - - I had a dream I could get human cadavers really easily so I got a shit -ton and dissected like 20 in one go. Now we know what the yucky ah was are but -I wanted to know what a stomach was because it was the 1800s. - - walk up to this bitch - that I once dated - say happy birthday - she says it's belated - fucker wear an eyepatch - his dick's arr rated - tellin me to step back - 'fore I get castrated -TRINITY RAP IDEA NO STEAL - - -/blah/2023-02-15.html - -[...]: That's bad stuff, Trin. That could kill you. -Trin: I dunno... - - We're naked sitting with our knees to our necks in the bathtub across -from each other. We're in a bathroom in the castle, the walls are a desaturated -lime green and the floors are an art deco style tile, each tile about an inch -square and patterned in red and white into swirls and other spiral patterns. -The bathtub is porcelain, raised off the ground. There's no spigot but there is -a shower curtain that sits next to the thin window far off the floor. You raise -your hand to grab mine, extend my fingers, hold your hand out and brush my -fingertips with yours. You take a scalpel from nowhere and grip my finger but I -don't struggle. You slice vertically through the tip of my middle finger. The -blood runs down my finger to the end of my palm where it stains the bottom of -the tub. I look at the stain on the tub, the pattern of the drops, but you -brush my chin with your other hand and bring my gaze up to yours. You use my -finger to paint from the center of your forehead to the tip of your nose, a -line under each eye, under your lip until the end of your chin. My blood is -clotting, you didn't cut deep enough. You lean towards me. I do the same. You -whisper to me. I can't hear it. And you're gone. And I'm alone in a bathtub and -a pond of red in a sea of white, and I'm cold and thirsty. - - Divorce speedrun. - - Jigsaw is a boomer. - -[0223] trinity@miniwa.moe: fediv erse!!!!!!!!!!! -[0232] trinity@miniwa.moe: 3 likes i am so popular in fedivrse i am lik4e the - 12 oz mouse of the miniwa dot moe -[0233] trinity@miniwa.moe: catboy domsday plot 2 rul the state of new hampshr -[0234] trinity@miniwa.moe: trinity wisdom look up pegging on yandex dot ru -[0235] trinity@miniwa.moe: trinity wisdom bark for me ???? -[0235] trinity@miniwa.moe: wait i meant !!!! -[0236] trinity@miniwa.moe: ohhhh my god u are so hot do u havbe a microsoft - xbox live gamertag msg me -[0237] trinity@miniwa.moe: i will make the tweets for which james gunn was - canceled look like an NHS press release -[0315] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: i am so fucking swag i am the swag i am swag swag - swag i am so swag did u know hey did u know i am - swag cuz (be quiet this is a secret) (are u - whispering) (get in close) hey hey i am swag - hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii i am swag i am so swag - - -/blah/2023-02-14.html - -2022年03月11日 -4RAGING!catz -ウサギ- - [picture of a dog girl eating a sandwich saying "mmf sandwich"] - Today was a good day, and though I could remember it by what it _was_, -I'll recall how I _felt_, and let you fill in the rest - - Nervous - Particularly when I tried the door and it was locked. What if -it was the wrong day? etc. - Anxious - how do you spell that - I didn't know how [...] policy was so I was worried I'd do -something that was both stupid and catastrophically wrong - Relieved - When we actually started [...] - Intriguiged [sic] - When I saw everyone. - By now, and BTW. Excuse the previous if it was cringe, I know the names -of: - - You - - [...] - - [...] - (not the spelling but I'll take note next time) - - [...] - - [...] - & that's it. - I'm bad at names and face blind so give me credit. - Last night I had Fritos for supper. Now, [...], [...], [...], on [...]. - Pretty good. - - I don't remember what it was like to feel emotions. - - I worked both that job and my previous until I was sure I could do that -job, then quit my previous job for that job. It paid very well and I miss a lot -about it. I'm currently at the job after that job. - -And I thought so hard but I didn't suspect -that there could be anything wrong with my head -and you tried so hard but I didn't believe -that there could be something so different about me - - -/blah/2023-02-13.html - -catgirl 911, what's your emergency? - hi, my catgirl seems broken. she doesn't feel anything. i give her lots -of headpats and treats and she doesn't care - -Protein - Olive stood making sandwiches when she heard something crash at the -front of the restaurant. She walked towards the counter area to try to see what -it was but saw the gas canister in the dining room, heard the hiss, and knew -what it contained given that there was no visible smoke expelling out of it. - She held her breath and ran around the table to the stairs as agents -dressed in black broke through the windows in the front. After locking the door -behind her she ran down to the corridor and opened the door marked Security, -where she found a man dressed in a guard's outfit and stubble sitting at a -desk on which there were a dozen video displays arranged in a square stack -showing a dozen different views of the upper level of Durmer Burger being -searched by law enforcement entities. The guard himself lay on his keyboard in -a pool of blood next to his own sidearm. She ran out of the room and, knowing -they weren't interested in taking prisoners, continued down the corridor to the -ladder, down which she climbed. - At the bottom of the neatly layed hole she found a hatch, which she -wrestled open. Under the hatch was another ladder. She closed the hatch and -picked a flashlight out of her pocket so she could see in the darkness. She saw -the bottom of the hole a couple meters below her so she slid down on the sides -and went through the door at the bottom. - Olive now found herself in what seemed like a laboratory setting. The -walls stainless steel, the floor featureless white tile. An ancient poster to -her right welcomed her to the National Defense Center and illustrated the -personal protective equipment she did not have that was necessary to survive -her visit. She tried not to feel concerned and continued through the hallway to -another door, this one looking like it had come from a hospital. She went -through. - The stench overpowered Olive and she nearly threw up. A nearly -mummified dead body lay on the floor covered in old, dried, splattered blood, -in front of a conveyer belt on which a machine periodically stamped blank -wrappers with a Durmer Burger icon. - - -/blah/2023-02-12.html - -PREM X BELLA: AN UNLIKELY ROMANCE -Chapter One - Bella woke up before the sun to her alarm, threw it against the wall, -and went back to sleep. - The next time she woke up the sun was blinding in her window and she -realized she was either late for school or about to be. She threw her bedsheets -to the floor, put a piece of toast in her Hello Kitty x Evangelion toaster, -went to the bathroom and quickly brushed her teeth, put on her school uniform, -grabbed the toast as it popped out of the toaster, put it in her mouth, and ran -out the door. - The sun beat down on the Shibuya streets. The cicadas sang and the -birds tweeted, but it irritated Bella, who really needed to get to school. She -ran to the bus stop but saw the bus drive off and decided she could run the -distance, and broke into a sprint towards school. - Prem, a student at the same school, meanwhile was leisurely riding its -bike on a different street. It checked its Casio and knew it had enough time to -get there, so it wasn't worried. Prem had pulled an all nighter making speed in -its parents garage while they were out of town. Prem met an intersection, -waited for the traffic signal, and then crossed. - Meanwhile Bella was running as fast as she could towards her high -school. At the same intersection she figured she could make it and ran across. -Then she got to the corner past the street and ran straight into Prem on its -bicycle. They both fell over onto the ground. - "What the fuck?" Prem cried. - Bella's toast was knocked to the ground and she caught sight of it. -"Noo." - Prem's bicycle chain had come undone. It took its repair kit out from -under the seat and started to repair it. - "I'm so sorry. I'm late for school-" - "So am I, now!" - Bella sniffed and tried not to cry. Not only was she late for school -but in her rush had inflicted the same fate on another. "Is there anything I -can do to help?" - "No. Go away." Now Prem was the one that was irritated. - Bella started walking and then broke into a run and ended up at school -a couple minutes later. The teacher made her stand in the hall holding pails of -water as punishment. Some time after that Prem arrived late too and, to Bella's -surprise, ended up next to her. She whispered to Prem. "You go here too?" - Prem whispered back. "Same class, moron." - Bella had never noticed Prem. It had black hair pulled into a ponytail -and was usually silent in the back of the classroom, either sleeping or writing -down chemical formulas it had thought of. Meanwhile Bella was usually in the -front of the class participating with the current discussion. Bella realized -Prem was really handsome, too, but tried to ignore that. - Prem had always noticed Bella. Bella was the pretty person in the front -of the classroom with all the energy, occasionally interrupting Prem's thought -with pointless interjections regarding the weather or school sports. - They both were quiet for a beat or two before Bella whispered again. -"Can I make it up to you? I'll buy you matcha after school." - Prem replied. "I guess. But it better be good." - And it would be a date. - - You can request chapter 2 through my Patreon, two months' of requests -equals one chapter so if two people request in one month then I'll write it a -month from now or if one person requests twice I'll write it two months from -now. I need money. - -[10:17 AM] bella: the grindset lmfao. i respect it - - Theodore Castleberry woke up in bed next to his wife, Minerva. The sun -shone into the sparse room through the curtains. Minerva still lay sleeping so -before waking her Theodore silently slid out of bed and into the bathroom to -pee and wash his mouth out. The clock said it was seven AM. - After Minerva was awoken and the couple had breakfast that Theodore, -known to his friends as Ted, had cooked - two eggs, some bacon, and some toast -for each of them - and the newspaper had been read, and Minerva had showered, -and the makeup and the deodorant and the day's plan had been discussed, Ted -drove himself and his wife to their work, a small accounting firm that took -contracts from bigger businesses when they needed more resources than they had. -Minerva was filling out papers for a lawn mowing company that didn't expect an -audit from the tax man. Ted was balancing out performance and paychecks for -Johnson Corporate Networking, a computer company in the mid-21st century that -grew into a laboratory and then left the computer field when that dried up. It -wasn't interesting work but it paid the both of them enough to afford a house -together and work breaks too, so an observer might say the two were happy. - Ted, however, felt nothing. He stared at his books and penciled in -number after number, and felt nothing about it. He felt nothing for his wife. -He felt nothing for himself when he looked in the mirror. And he didn't -remember when this started. Nor when he started working for JCN. Nor when he -met Minerva or proposed or even the day before the current day. He knew how to -push a pencil and he remembered how to do his math and he was content, for now. -And when the bell rang and he went to lunch and he ate his soup in peace and -looked at his wife who looked back with a love he couldn't reciprocate he knew -he was lucky. And the bell rang again and he walked back to his desk. - Today something was wrong. Ted didn't know what was wrong. But he -didn't feel right. He felt really, really wrong. The lights, the paper, it was -all wrong. He jerked his legs just to feel his muscle flex and felt his shoe -hit a piece of plastic. - -Metatango - "I wanna learn the metatango." Olive and Shepherd were walking the -halls looking for something to do. - Shepherd observed Olive. "The metatango? Where did you see that?" - Olive pointed at a program she'd kept in her pocket. Learn the -Metatango, with Señora Discorda. - "I don't think that's such a good idea." - "Why not?" - " One - does not simply - do the meta - tango." said Shepherd. - "How did you do that?" - " You - must go now ponder - the very - tango." said Shepherd. - "Are you singing?" - " And - if you must know - the meta - tango," said Shepherd, " you - will have to discuss - the very meta - tango." - "I don't quite understand." - "I'll take you over to Discorda, but don't tell her you're with me, -okay?" - "But I figured the metatango would be, like, a dance. You just sang a -couple bars about the metatango and the weird structure made me think it had -something to do with what the metatango is. But I don't know what it is." - - -/blah/2023-02-11.html - - Alliteration in news headlines is so corny. "Panic at the pump" is a -dad joke, not a headline. I'm tired of all these meme phrases, I want meat and -potatoes words. Tell me about the FNAF lore, shut the fuck up about some fake -news epidemic. If everyone else is already talking about it I don't care -because surely somebody else is already taking care of it. Tell me about a bug -in some shell script you want help with or something (no seriously, e-mail me). - Alright I'm tired I go sleep now. - - -/blah/2023-02-10.html - -Every other line is censored - When I was a very wee lass I was a very angry wee lass and spent my -[...] -an honourable pastime nor did it result in any fruits. Facebook wasn't it, -[...] -because I had 4chan.org/b tattooed on the back of my skull from creation, then -[...] -4chan. - [...] -president was a petri dish in the eyes of some and a powder keg to others. -[...] -productive programming discussions and stuff, I didn't care about productivity, -[...] -nobody ever browsed mine and I never cared about anyone else's. So at cutie pie -[...] -and troll I made some funny jokes that got a lot of replies, and kept riffing, -[...] -Anonym had a rainbow so by the time I got back to checking that out again it -[...] -massive pizzagate-adjacent conspiracy theory. And when they took it to hachi I -[...] -firing squad. I made the first couple posts, no more. - [...] -referenced the joke I had made at that point a couple years prior. I realized -[...] -myself on the news every once in a while didn't cement it, didn't feel real. -[...] - -Cardiotomy. -Take my glasses off. -Take the scrunchie out of my hair. -Take my hat off and -unzip my jacket. -Tell me you don't care. - -Now kiss my bruised knuckle -and brush my fingers with your lips -and now extend my fingers -and take the pliers from your hip - -and slide my fingernail out -from its flesh holding cell. Gently -make an incision -and rip my bones out of their shell. - -Peel the seam up my wrist -and watch my life flow out of me. -Drill a hole into my heart. - -Dear [...]: - The tomatoes are shit. I really tried my hardest to slice them and make -them nice, but I'm not good at this and I don't know what I'm doing, so they -came out like shit. I'm sorry. - The pickles kick ass. I'm happy with them. But they took too long. - The lettuce is fine. - From Trinity - -I just need to get through this week. I just need to get through this week. I -just need to get through this week. I just need to get through this week. I -just need to get through this week. I just need to get through this week. I -just need to get through this week. Dear automobile: - Why dost thou haunt my weary soul? - Roaring in your monoxide noise - letting our your groans. - Dear autombile: - I'm left walking in your wake. - Why don't you run me over - so I don't have to come to work today? - Dear automobile: - Hit the gas. Hit the gas. Hit the gas. - Hit the gas. Hit the gas. Hit the gas. - Hit the gas. Hit the gas. Hit the gas. - Dear automobile: - RUN ME THE FUCK OVER P - LEASE FOR THE LOVE OF - GOD JUST DO IT!!!!!!! - - It's a torture party and everyone's participating! - - -/blah/2023-02-09.html - -Streambreak - -Prelude - - Amber - The discovery of the Ideal Human; Amber is the ubermensch of -the 20XXs. Conspiracy theories immediately start to swirl regarding a drift -from the ideal ("the fall of the West"-ish) with the legitimacy of early Q -posts (i.e. no legitimacy whatsoever). Mix 2019-12 COVID knowledge with 2016 Q -knowledge basically and you get the Amber phenomenon. Explores the actual (made -up) science behind Amber, the realization that this discovery is sort of -worthless, and the pickup of Amber by the right wing mobs and accusations of -suppression etc. - - Slipstream - The thesis of the story; already drafted. -Day 1 - - Placeholder title - Ambulance driver gets ready for work. - - Ted's Last Day - Ted's first building burned down, his work. An accounting firm -working with JCN. Mention soup, barely mention JCN (just once), mention wife, -go from his lunch break to ignition. - - Placeholder title - Reveal that Slipstream was just a narration of Ada's last [X] -years to the coffee shop owner. Conversation about loss. Conversation about -domestication - Ada's been basically working the same job for like a hundred -years, how has she kept in touch with reality? - - Placeholder title - Follow Ted's wife out of the building into some stupid ass -meeting or whatever. Why did she go with Ted's boss? etc - - Placeholder title - Meanwhile Ted is fighting the first responders to the office -fire. Why are there so few responders? Steals a fire truck and fucks shit up, -also brutally kills an ambulance driver, the one from the first chapter of this -section. - - Placeholder title - Police get involved. The news hears over the radio and -considers getting involved. Ted crushes the police and walks off. In-police -bickering over how this could have happened. - - Placeholder title - News find Ted burning down misc. shit and interview him. Ted -starts to amass a following. Ada finds this happening and doesn't consider it's -important. Meanwhile Ted's wife (Minerva) and Ted's boss are doing things. - -Out of steam. And midnight's passed. - - -/blah/2023-02-08.html - - If you had ghosts in your blood cocaine would totally work on getting -rid of the ghosts. - - -/blah/2023-02-07.html - -#!/bin/sh -set -ex;mkdir -p blah;python -c "import os;os.chdir('blah') -with open('../$0', 'r') as f: - for day in f.read().split('\n\n\n'): - if day.split('\n')[0] == '#!/bin/sh': - prefix='\n'.join(day.split('\n')[day.split('\n').index( - 'exit 0')+1:])+'\n';continue - elif day.split('\n')[0][:4] == '<!--': suffix=day;continue - with open(day.split('\n')[0]+'.html', 'x') as g: - g.write(prefix+day+'\n'+suffix) -";cd blah;for f in *.html;do #in glob we trust -test -z "$last" || sed -i "s,_NAVIGATION_,$nav<A HREF=\"$f\">\></A></P>," \ -"$last";nav="<P>";test -z "$last"||nav="$nav<A HREF=\"$last\">\<</A>" -nav="$nav<A HREF=\"index.html\">^</A>";last="$f";done -sed -i "s,_NAVIGATION_,$nav</P>," "$last";for f in *.html;do #e unibus puellam -fi="$(echo "$f" | cut -d . -f 1)";test "$fi" = "index" && continue -printf '<A HREF="/blah/%s.html">%s</A>\n' "$fi" "$fi"; done|sort -r|\ -sed -e "1i<!DOCTYPE html><HTML><HEAD><TITLE>blah</TITLE></HEAD><BODY><PRE>\ -<A HREF="..">..</A>" -e '$a</PRE></BODY></HTML>'>index.html -exit 0 - - That's the source code to this blog, in its entirety. My writing -process was simple: - - write the beginning and initial Python portion - - pass out - - wake up at 0600 not knowing who or where I am - - see this code and continue it - - pass out again - - wake up at 1700 knowing who but not where I am - - write most of the rest - - pass out again - - wake up half an hour later, finish - - It's organized in sections though it doesn't appear to be organized -whatsoever: - -#!/bin/sh -set -ex -mkdir -p blah -python -c " -import os -os.chdir('blah') -with open('../$0', 'r') as f: - for day in f.read().split('\n\n\n'): - if day.split('\n')[0] == '#!/bin/sh': - prefix = '\n'.join( - day.split('\n')[ - day.split('\n').index('exit 0')+1: - - ] - ) + '\n' - continue - elif day.split('\n')[0][:4] == '<!--': - suffix = day - continue - with open(day.split('\n')[0]+'.html', 'x') as g: - g.write(prefix + day + '\n' + suffix) -" - - This splits the blog into days, where each day is delimited by three -newlines. Every day is two lines apart. - A day that starts with the POSIX shell shebang is the /prefix/, which -is prepended to each day. It cuts off everything until after "exit 0", the end -of the script, and after that is the actual HTML prefix to each blah page. - A day that starts as an HTML comment is the /suffix/, appended to each -day. This obligates an HTML comment at the end of each post, the same comment, -so I just made it something sort of interesting yet sort of bog standard. - I explained this poorly but I spread the code out so it's a little -easier to read, I think it's pretty simple. git.sr.ht/~trinity/homepage/tree -/main/blog, you can see how it's laid out. - Each day, prefixed and suffixed, is output as its own [day].html to the -created blah/ directory. - - Next: - -cd blah -for f in *.html - do - test -z "$last" || sed -i \ --e "s,_NAVIGATION_,$nav<A HREF=\"$f\">\></A></P>," "$last" - nav="<P>" - test -z "$last" \ - || nav="$nav<A HREF=\"$last\">\<</A>" - nav="$nav<A HREF=\"index.html\">^</A>" - last="$f" - done -sed -i "s,_NAVIGATION_,$nav</P>," "$last" - - This replaces _NAVIGATION_ with an actual navigation bar. The actual -string has two underscores before and after NAVIGATION but this blog is held -together with shoelaces and bubble gum and I don't wanna fuck around and find -out. - I don't know how this works, I let my fingers handle the flow. - (The secret is that I just run it in my head and adjust the - beginnings and ends until it runs in my head for two times - correctly. Then as long as state doesn't drift it's all good. - This is fucky and I don't know how to explain it and I don't - really know how it all goes about but you can do really - complex but really really tight program flow just by vibing - against it and letting your fingers tap tap tap, yknow?) - -Next: - -for f in *.html - do - fi="$(echo "$f" | cut -d . -f 1)" - test "$fi" = "index" \ - && continue - printf '<A HREF="/blah/%s.html">%s</A>\n' "$fi" "$fi" - done \ - | sort -r \ - | sed \ - -e "1i\ -<!DOCTYPE html>blah
.." \
-			-e '$a
' \ - > index.html -exit 0 - - This takes all the files in blah/, builds an index, adds a prefix and -suffix to the stream, and outputs it all to blah/index.html in one go. This is -the simplest part of the script and I was worried it would be hard but it -wasn't really, it just required a little bit of embracing of UNIX piping. - - ["Streambreak"]: After experiencing a genocide, Ada Karina time travels -back to the past to prevent it from happening. However things start diverging -from plan when a soup-fueled arsonist grows from nuisance to idol to -geopolitical disaster. - ["Antero"]: Tales from a future dystopia where the very formation of -memories is outlawed. - ["Sponge"]: Olive Edgerton is an employee at an impossibly popular -burger joint, where every ingredient is grown or produced in-house. - ["Saikokon"]: After an apocalypse, the last survivor is selected as an -exhibit at Saikokon, a conference for psychic time travelers. - ["Pasture"]: Tales from after the end of the world. - - -/blah/2023-02-06.html - -2022年03月02日 - -ウサギ- - I went to the dentist. No co pay. Hell yeah! - My teeth are good. - Still working on my taxes. - I have a feeling I won't be giving you this journal. Maybe I will. It -just seems like you're a bit distant. - It's getting more and more embarrassing to wear a Soviet watch. - Watching Peacemaker (2022). Pretty good. Saw the Blade trilogy. Pretty -bad - A couple days ago someone said "there's only a couple seconds left" at -work probably about a cook time. Said I: "only a couple seconds left? I've -gotta call-" - And then I realized, for all I've done, I'm probably the first person -of which nobody would think at the world's end. - It's okay but it hurts. - And that's of what I've recently been thinking - My room is messy to a considerable yet probably easily remedable extent -but I just can't bring myself to clean it. I don't know why. - One of my old teams made the news for [...] attacks on [...] or however -you spell it. Nobody knows how racist they are but I don't think it would -change their public image. And the PR group is full of lamers still... - Working 1130-2000 or something like that. Today will probably be bad -but we'll see. Can always be worse... - Double Junior Whopperless! - Let's make that Hopperless! - We are show stopperless - Because we are so obvious! - [unintelligible drawing] - Burger Hell! - [picture of a stick figure saying "12 fish"] - [picture of the stick figure next to a square] - [2 piles of 6 circles] - [picture of a stick figure saying "done"] - - The customer came in and ordered 12 fish sandwiches. After they were -made and sent out (which took fifteen minutes or so) they changed their mind -and ordered 12 veggie burgers instead. We were left with 12 fish sandwiches. I -considered taking them home and freezing them and having them for every meal -for a couple weeks but I tried one and it was so bad I threw it out and told -management to just throw them out. - -[3:40 PM] AllisonHell: sounds like an mcr song -[3:40 PM] AllisonHell: pricking ink under ur skin thinking of meeeeeee - - some Midwest emo -[3:48 PM] trinity: i'm stealing that - -I'm strung out in my bed staring up at a screen -that I keep on my wall playing fond memories -and you're out at the stream sucking venomous things -and you pick at your skin and you're thinking of me -but I'm out and the light and the cathode ray beam -and you're pricking your skin and turning it green -and the red and the blue and the black and the pink -and I can't think of you but you scream there for me -Am I such a villain? -Am I such a bleeding heart fool? -That you can't cope now -That you cut it and bleed out by that tool? -Am I such a bitch now? -That you can't deal with the pain -and now you're gonna bleed out -and now I'll carry all the blame - -[4:16 PM] AllisonHell: oh wow I cut myself on that edge - - Today I went to the whatever surgeon to see what my teeth were doing. -Turns out they're being super mega bastards and the wise guys (wisdom teeth) -are putting pressure on (impacting) the civies (molars) and if the situation -continues things could get hairy (get fucked). So now I need $2500 to get my -wisdom teeth out. Time to pawn all my shit! - I have to figure out my insurance but the dentist said my non-wise -teeth are rad and kick mega ass so that's nice. - - -/blah/2023-02-05.html - - 2023 already? - -if i were a dog i would like to eat dog food -food,if i were,would i?eat dog to like a dog -food,if dog were,would dog? eat like i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i - ___ _ | - To be honest, I don't think I would survive a | / \ | - day in Hell. It seems too hot. I was born and | |\ /\ \ | - sorta raised in Maine so I'm used to the cold | | \ \ \ \ | - - the kind of cold for which others make you \ \| ||_|| | - pay an arm, leg, and the tips of your ears!!! _\ \ \ \_/ / - \___/ \__/ - - I know this is word salad I just like it when the line endings match -up. - -> The only safe thing to do was put bands in your top eight so there was no -> drama. - -> But I liked the drama. - - Enveloped in flame Lex, for a brief moment, remembered playing video -games when he was a kid. He sat on the floor in front of the television holding -a game controller - affected - and played a garbled mix of polygons and pixels. -The room caught and the television was on fire. He was on fire. The TV stand, -the game console, the couch behind him, the cat. The TV went out and he was -left holding a controller that wasn't quite right and melting onto his hands. -His clothes were covered in flame. He threw the controller on the ground out of -disappointment and opened his mouth to speak and crumpled into ashes, and -remembered nothing more, ever. - - -/blah/2023-02-04.html - -[...]: I stand corrected. -Trin: Don't stand corrected. Kneel. - -I hope Hell has good ice cream flavors. - -Y'all won't see this for a while, I'm rewriting the blah stuff and making a -markup format for it (fuckscript). - - -/blah/2023-02-03.html - -2022-04-26 - -Miss You Already - Hey Trin!! I'm gonna miss you so much! I hope you excel at everything - you do!! - - Love Drew - Bye! - - Miranda - We'll miss you!!! - - Kaylah - Bye. - Rita - We'll miss you trin! Good luck with your new job! - - Kim - Best of luck - - [unintelligible] -Good-Bye From All of Us - Good Luck :) - - Lee - Gonna miss you + the [...] - - Peter - - That job gave me such bad stomach issues I ate like only yogurt for a -week to adjust. Three of those seven signateurs left that job in the next six -months. I had been there eighteen months, long enough to go from severe -incompetence to actually knowing what I was doing. At my current job I again -consider myself incompetent. But I work with what I'm given. - - "More money more problems" is total bullshit. More money is only more -problems if you're too afraid to slice and dice a little. If you wanna take the -edge off you're gonna have to fuck around with an angle grinder a little. - - Just looked up what an angle grinder is. I didn't actually know, the -name is just metal and the words are sort of iambic. - - Sarin is so OP. I'd name a kid Sarin. - -2022年02月22日 - -ウサギ- - [picture of a dog/cat thing on a windowsill] - tomorrow we're watching American Psycho (2000) - Today I work 1130-1700. Tonight I'll pick up some snacks and clean my -room a bit. It's messy but I don't think it's beyond saving. - [picture of the burger king] - Just trying to cover up the bleed-thru. - Sitcom - ["Pilot"] S1E1 - The fellas throw Trinity a surprise 9/11 celebration. - ["Trauma Wars"] S1E2 - During a Phineas and Ferb reenactment, Trinity throws a game - show where the player with the most childhood trauma wins. - ["The Long Shot"] S1E3 - Trinity and [...] come up with a plan to get raises. - ["Codebreakers"] S1E4 - The fellas break the Hayes code. - ["Wings"] S1E6 - Trinity tries to convince her friends to star in a television - pilot about celebrating 9/11. -"Prove to me that you're human." - "Excuse me?" - SUBJECT: - PHIL MANEKINO - AGE: - 35 -"Prove to me that you're a human." - "I don't have to prove anything to-" - DISINCENTIVE APPLIED. -"Prove to me that you're a human." - Phil shifted in its chair. - "I- I have a wife-" -"She too is in questioning." - "-a family-" -"So are they." - "-so what's in question? My whole life?" -"Prove to me you're not a robot." - "How? Why?" -I sat back and emitted a sigh. "Your latest medical examination revealed no -hypertension, pre-hypertension, cavieities, abnormalities. You have no criminal -background of any kind. No unusual lookup patterns on the Intranet. Thus, you -must be a robot." - "I'm a robot because I'm clean?" -"Nobody's clean in such a dirty world. Your dirt must be deeper than skin." -I selected the dremel from my toolkit. - "Oh god, no, please." - The usual pleas. -"Prove to me you're not a robot." - "Why are you doing this?" - DISSECTED FINGER: HUMAN. -"You're a cuborg?" - DISSECTED ARM: HUMAN. -I dismantled the robot made only of human components and from these and my -experience compiled my report. Family must be, too. -Operator congratulated me before turning me off. - on my usual stupid bullshit - -2022年02月22日 - -ウサギ- - It's today again. Perhaps it was today yesterday, or it's yesterday -today. It doesn't really matter. - [picture of a stick figure sitting at a table, saying "where am I?"] - I remembed in elementary school I was in the "Gifted[...]" program - -[...]. Apparently they formally I.Q. tested me but I don't know that anyone -outside the program (or myself) saw the results. - We read advanced reading books, did more complicated maths, etc. I -preffered [sic] the middle school [...] teacher, [...], to the elementary -teacher. Less strict. Anyway, I got the feeling it was a doomed program. Lack -of funding, lack of interest. Of course the public controversy around such -things. But hey, it got me reading Shakespeare in like fifth grade. A Midsummer -Night's Dream. Not my favorite of his. - I didn't really enjoy my childhood. [...] - Life was simpler. Better? No. Much worse. But I like simplicity. - [...] - [...] - -trinity@laika:~ $ curl wttr.in/?m -Weather report: [...], Maine, United States - - Overcast - .--. -26(-38) °C - .-( ). ↘ 22 km/h - (___.__)__) 16 km - 0.0 mm - -Hell's dress code is this: - - shirt, pants, intimates, et cetera; base layer - - jumper - - jacket liner - - jacket - - bandanna to cover face - - hat - - jacket hood, pulled tight - - chunky ugly really warm gloves - - leg warmers -good enough to go to the gas station. any farther and you will die. - - One fortune cookie, two fortunes: - Don't stop dreaming, otherwise your dreams will get awfully - boring. - Be smart but don't show it. - - -/blah/2023-02-02.html - - Jesus it's cold... I gotta move someplace warmer... like Hell... - - Applied for my passport today. I called the cab company at 0730 and -they said they'd sent a cab as soon as possible. Then at 0755 the cab arrived -and, knowing the trip would take like 15 minutes, I told the cabbie if they got -me to the post office to apply for the passport by 0800 I'd tip them $20. Four -minutes of extremely haphazard driving later I was down $33 and on time for the -appointment. It took like five minutes to actually apply because I'd already -filled out all of the paperwork so I was out of there and at work within the -hourish. Good times. - - Kingslayer by Bring Me the Horizon ft. BABYMETAL goes so fucking hard. -Like, so so hard. The mosh pit for the song is also usually fucking kickass. -I wanna be a kingslayer! - - It's fucking cold outside. wttr.in/?m says this: -curl: (92) HTTP/2 stream 0 was not closed cleanly: INTERNAL_ERROR (err 2) - Accuweather says this: [-8 deg C] - The forecast for Friday (tomorrow) afternoon says -10 deg C with 32km/h -winds ("RealFeel": -23). Saturday afternoon -16. "RealFeel" -31. If it gets any -lower I'm gonna have to set the thermostat to Kelvin. Jack Frost is a son of a -bitch. - - My -->ANECDOTAL<-- caffeine knowledge is this. - Tolerance is built up gradually. 80mg might stim a househusband, 300mg -might barely be enough to keep a prole awake. Cup of coffee is between 40 and -80mg. If you're drinking coffee you might as well crank it up to however strong -you want. Most people don't need caffeine, they drink coffee because of peer -pressure and it feels good at first but eventually the tolerance takes over and -it has basically no effect. You have to have a really long tolerance break to -actually reset your tolerance, it's not worth it to go on a break unless you're -trying to quit. CDC recommends like 400mg max for a healthy adult, 500 is a -good amount to actually get work done, at like 600-700 (varies per person) you -just get wacked out and don't accomplish anything. 1000-1500mg puts you in a -state of euphoric zen if you have a strong tolerance and literally kills you if -you don't have a tolerance. 2000mg kills you or a horse, both if portioned -carefully. If you overdose you're super mega fucked and painfully so; muscle -fuckiness and brain fog. Drink like 2L of water, piss, repeat until you start -to feel okay, the residual effects you have the day after will follow you for -the rest of your life. Monster 300 is like the highest caffeine potency you can -get in an energy drink so if you wanna consume caf either homebrew strong ass -coffee (boil a pot down to a cup or something) or spend like $20 on Monster and -enjoy ketoacidosis. Caffeine kills for realzies so don't overdo it and listen -to your doctor. THIS IS MY EXPERIENCE ONLY. DO NOT CONSUME PAST WHAT THE CDC -RECOMMENDS. DO NOT SUE ME FOR YOUR OWN IDIOCY. - - As far as I know, and as much as I should, - say that the powers that beckon are good, - I have to admit that they've broken a lot - of promises better to better and not - one of their oaths has been filled, just forgot. - They just make more work to do and then do it and stop - the betters from bettering and raising the top - of standards to better than there was before - the powers that beckon took hold of the floor. - - Scott pulled back the bolt and the AA battery spit out of the side of -the rifle. He reached in his pocket and grabbed another one, pushed it into the -chamber, made better aim, closed his eyes, fired. The blast burned a hole -in his sight even through his eyelids but other than the temporary optical -degradation he was unharmed. His target, however, subject to the full power of -a 3Ah battery spent in half a second, had a hole burnt through his suit and -through himself. - Then he felt a pinprick and knew a sparrow's talon, another of his -generation's angels of war, with its thin tungsten shaft and dainty uranium -barbs, had gotten lodged in his back. He turned around and shot the offending -kid with a Glock. - - I'm standing in an empty parking lot - snow is falling from the sky - it's such an empty parking lot, now - snow is falling from the sky - - I held the car door handle - snow started falling from the sky - I sighed and got my baggage handled - snow started falling from the sky - - I'm standing in an empty parking lot - and snow is falling from the sky - I'm smoking a nearly finished cigarette - and snow is falling from the sky - - I opened the car door - and I turned and asked you why - - and you said there's nothing to remember - snow is falling from the sky - -[...]: You should fuck Bs instead of As because Bs have two holes. -Trin: What does that mean??? -[...]: Another one is, 'you should go fuck yourself with a T because it has a - handle. -Trin: No, seriously, what does that mean??? - -Earl of I.fel a tell vis but I don't remember why. -Earlier toupe I felt a tell visio but I don't remember why. -Earlier today I felt like a television but I don't remember why. -Ear er to I felt like a elevi on but I don't remember why. -E r r o I felt like a lev on but I don't remember why. -E r r o fel on but I don't remember why. - -after monster #4: hiiii -after monster #7: hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii - - -/blah/2023-02-01.html - -What I had for breakfast today: A strawberry Oreo milkshake. Half a cigarette. -What I had for supper today: Chicken nuggets and a burger. The other half. -What I'm drinking: Vermont maple spice tea. And Dayquil. -Now playing: Painkiller - Nothing But Thieves. - - Jason walked up the cloud to the pearl gates of Heaven. God stood at -the door in front of a lecturn with a massive book. He (as in He) spoke first: - "Name?" - Jason paused. "Oh. I died there, didn't I?" - God curled His lips into a frown. "Did you think you would live?" - "No, I guess I knew I would probably die." - "Was it worth it?" - "Yeah, I guess. It was what needed to be done. I wish I didn't have to -die that way, but I suppose that's how it is." - God thumbed through the pages. "At what day did you leave?" - Jason told Him. - God found the day. "Hmm. That's interesting." - "I don't know much about this religious stuff. Honestly I thought it -wasn't for real. But didn't you write that book?" - "Do you remember everything you've written?" - "Well, no." - "Exactly. I forgot about this section. And to be honest-" God winked at -you "-I'm probably as much of a character as you are, Jason." - "Why did you ask me my name if you knew it?" - "You're the only one that dies like... that. That day. I'd say you're -the worst death there." - "Fucked with an angle grinder." - "Yeah, fucked with an angle grinder." - "I was hoping if You existed You'd come through for me there. Like a -'deus ex machina' sort of thing, y'know? Maybe I didn't have enough faith." - God looked into the distance behind Jason. "Honestly, I wasn't really -listening that day." - "No fucking shit! At least everyone else made it out okay because of -me, right? It was an honourable death?" - - God looked back into the book at the next couple pages. "Hmm. Yeah. -Yeah, that's pretty honourable." - "That's good." Jason leaned on the other end of the podium. "Can- can I -see Jane?" - "Jane? There are a lot of Janes." - "My wife. She made it here, right? Oh, wait - can I get in? Into -Heaven?" - "Yeah, sure, you've earned it. But your wife isn't here. Or in the -other place. Your wife's on Earth." - "What? No." - "Yeah. Jane used the cash she'd been slowly building up to buy a plane -ticket to Kazakhstan and retire." - "Fuck." - "Yeah." - "Really?" - "Yeah." - "Fuck." - "Well, you'll have a lot of time for relationship stuff up here, so, -like, have fun with that." - "Fuck me, man." The gates open and Jason started walking through before -pausing. "Y'know, times were hard." - "Yes, yes they were." - "Like, really hard. I don't think I was ever really happy, y'know? I -never got anything like that. The best I got was a fucking character arc like -this is a comic book or something. That kind of felt unnecessary, y'know? The -whole fucking me over again and again? I don't think I needed that." - "Perhaps." - "Per fucking haps. Y'know what? Where were you? Why did you write me -like that? My life has been fucking torture. Why did you do that to me?" - God kicked Jason and he fell over past the gate threshold. The door to -Heaven slammed shut, and God locked it. - -[...]: Welcome to Hell. -Trin: Great to be here. - - -/blah/2023-01-31.html - -#!/bin/sh -set -e -# UNIX manual system -str isvalue "$MANUAL_DIR" \ - || MANUAL_DIR=/usr/manual -argv0="$0" -! str isvalue "$1" || str isvalue "$3" \ - && printf "Usage: %s [name] (section)\n" "$argv0" 1>&2 \ - && exit 1 \ - || true -str isvalue "$2" && ! test -e "$MANUAL_DIR/$2/$1" \ - && printf "%s: %s: No manual entry in section %s\n" "$0" "$1" "$2" \ - 1>&2 \ - && exit 1 \ - || true -str isvalue "$2" \ - && PAGE="$MANUAL_DIR/$2/$1" \ - || for d in "$MANUAL_DIR"/* - do test -e "$d/$1" && PAGE="$d/$1" - done -! str isvalue "$PAGE" \ - && printf "%s: %s: No manual entry\n" "$0" "$1" 1>&2 \ - && exit 1 \ - || true -! str isvalue "$SECTION_DIR" \ - && printf "%s: %s: No manual entry\n" "$argv0" "$1" 1>&2 \ - && exit 1 \ - || true -<"$PAGE" groff -t -e -mandoc -Tascii - -trick or treat -girl's gotta eat -i'll bark for u -just please pay me -just grab me by the -bezel and make me wish -i was more than a -screen. please? - - Blaa - ================================================================ -| _╥µµ¢╥╥╥╥╥_ | -| ___¿ß@Ñ@▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▓_ | -| ╥@▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▒▒▒▓ | -| ]▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒µ | -| ___ ]▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓ | -| _╓▄@▓▓▓▓▓▒▓▓▒%µ_ ╫▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓µ | -| ╓@▓▓▓▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒N_ ╥¼N▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓ | -| ▄▓▓▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ßµ ╨╨ ]▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒µ | -| ▓▓▓▓▒▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒Ñ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ *▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓ | -| j▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒µ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒Ü | -| ╫▓▒▓▒▓▓▓▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒µ_1▒▒▒@▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ß | -| ▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒Ñ | -| j▓▒▒▒▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▒, | -| ▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▒▀" | -| "▓╨Ñ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▓ | -| "▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒╨ ]▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▓▌ | -| `*╨╨╨╨* ]▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▓▓ | -| ▐▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▓▌ | -| `▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▓▓▓" | -| `*╨▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▓▓▀ | -| `▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▓▓▓∩ | -| __▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ | -| ╨ÑÑ─ "ÑÑÑÑ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀" | -| | - ---------------------------------------------------------------- -| ALTERNATIVE NAMES: bla, blah | - ================================================================ - -Trin (laughing): That's not even the grossest thing I've seen here. -[...]: No? -Trin: No. -[...]: I believe that. And that's fucked. (starts laughing) -Trin (still laughing): I feel like I'm going insane. -[...]: You do? -Trin: Not really. I already went insane a while ago. -[...]: It's the new normal. -Trin: Yeah. We're all insane around here. - -It's still Tuesday? - - I had a dream: I was in a private art gallery admiring the paintings. -Then it turned out there was a warrant out for my arrest. They'd found -something extreme enough to warrant throwing a smoke bomb through the window in -front of me. I noticed it wasn't really clouding anything so knowing it was -probably some nerve agent I ran to the door and gated over to a fractal of the -world in which I'd been. Some SWAT agent or something saw me open the door to - While that transpired I forked and gated over to the MoMA or whatever -in Manhattan. Some cars with black tinted windows rolled up from both ends of -the road so I sprinted across the street into ongoing construction where I was -shot and killed. Worth a try. -a place to which that doorway didn't usually go and sprinted through along with -me. I ran through the gallery, which was this rich guy's beautiful townhouse, -and made it upstairs where I got onto the roof. The SWAT didn't know I was -there so I jumped down and made it into a nearby forest. One for two. - -[2:59 PM] Strong Eminav_B (weak): I was expecting you to look older and a less - round face -[3:09 PM] Strong Eminav_B (weak): The way you describe ur life makes me picture - you like that before and after image of that - ww1 soldier - -What are you wearing? - I dunno baby, whatever you want... - - Carhart pants. Loose fit jeans but I'm considering tighter fit because -it'd make them easier to pack. Black. - Carhart shirt. Loose fit. I take a razor and cut the Carhart logo off -and it's just a 100% cotton shirt with a pocket that I know will last me a -while. Black. - Amazon "athletic sleeves". Tight. Black. - Some eco whatever hat. Keeps headlights, rain, and hair out of my eyes. -Black. - Carhart gloves. Spandex. Well fitting. Black. - New Balance 686 boots. Everything-proof. Pink shoelaces under all the -grime. Black. - Casio F-91W. Black. - On occasion, a bandanna tied around my neck or hair. Black. - Dickies socks. Black. - Intimates. Take me out to dinner first. Even then you'll probably never -see them. - A Hello Kitty scrunchie. Silk, maybe? Satin? Shiny. Kawaii. Not black. - Glasses. Rose colored. - -[3:32 PM] trn1ty: yeah it sorta be like that -[3:32 PM] trn1ty: blackpink -[3:32 PM] trn1ty: cutepunk - -trn1ty started a thread: trinity fits thread. See all threads. -Yesterday at 9:24 PM - -[9:18 PM] trinity: they're gonna study my work after i'm gone but idk in cs or - in psychology -[9:19 PM] sasha: in cryptozoology - -treat me like your computer -i wanna do all your math -take me apart for techno school -show all the pieces to your class - -grab me by the bezel -make me glitch the fuck out -tie me up in wires -call me a bitch and make out - -treat me like your computer -like i'm a video game -play me with your friends from school -but don't tell me their names - -unplug me from the ether -so i can't surf any sites -take your hard drive out from me -leave me on a shelf and go outside - - Rothco M-65 mansfield jacket. Sturdy. Black. - - Aside from my weird thing recently it's been months since I've felt -much emotion. My emotions and I are apart, for the better I think. They didn't -do a lot of good for me and I didn't do a lot of good for them. Good riddance. - Most of the people I know don't feel emotion. The rest of the people I -know with which I've brought this up think this is horrifying. I don't think -so. The people I know with emotion left are either priviledged or at one point -had it in a way that is to me unimaginable. The rest of us had to grow up. - I remember being scared the first time I saw Night of the Living Dead. -I haven't felt fear in years. High school, the earlier years probably. Maybe my -caf OD did something. Maybe there's only so much fear you can, and I did. -Maybe... - There is no pausing, there is no remembering, there is no recoiling. -When things go bump in the night you get a rifle, when people die you walk past -them, when everybody is dead you step over the bodies and on them if necessary. -And I'm tired but not tired enough. - _ _ - []-[]-' :(){:|:;};: ... - ----| --|- --|| -|-- -|-| -||- -|-| -||| |--- |--| |-|- |-|| ||-- ||-| |||- |||| - - -/blah/2023-01-29.html - - Fuck! - - I don't remember typing that. I got like 8hrs last night and the same -the night before! The previous nights 2-3. - - I started a Patreon. You don't get much for it, just a custom role on -feeling.murderu.us, and only on the Discord bridge. - - My Raspberry Pi is actually really goddamn fast. I put a cheapo Amazon -passive heat sink + fan on it and now it stays under 60C without a problem. -raspi-config(8) doesn't let you trigger the fan any lower than that for some -reason or I might keep it at 50. Look at this mess: - - if [ "$INTERACTIVE" = True ]; then - TIN=$(whiptail --inputbox "At what temperature in degrees Celsius sh[...] - else - if [ -z $3 ]; then - TIN=80 - else - TIN=$3 - fi - fi - if ! [ $? -eq 0 ] ; then - return 0 - fi - if ! echo "$TIN" | grep -q ^[[:digit:]]*$ ; then - if [ "$INTERACTIVE" = True ]; then - whiptail --msgbox "Temperature must be a number between 60 and 120[...] - fi - return 1 - fi - - I don't like this. I really don't like this! I'm gonna rewrite -raspi-config(8) today. Fuck it. - - -/blah/2023-01-27.html - -NPR: <https://text.npr.org/1151374507> -Headline: "Nearly all U.S. mass attackers were male and faced major life - stressor, report finds" -Content: "...Nearly all the attackers experienced 'at least one - significant stressor' within five years of the attack..." -What?? Who *has not* experienced a significant stressor within the last five -years? - These analyses don't compare the demographic to the average or median, -just sensationalize useless numbers. This is somewhat cherry-picked but the -rest of the article also sucked. - - I read NPR for my pseudo-left Capitalist news. I used to read CNN but I -would get irate at misleading headlines. I checked for some to lambast (ooo I'm -becoming a True Blogger "lambasting" my perceived enemies I'm so cool) but -couldn't really find anything that stuck out so maybe I'm remembering it as -worse than it was. Still, most of these headlines can be filed under "who the -fuck cares": - - "Ukraine's new tanks won't be the instant game-changer some expect" - but they're still useful so who cares - "Here's how family and officials who have seen the video of Tyre - Nichols' arrest are responding to the footage" - probably they don't like it because he got shot or something - who's Tyre Nichols - "Quarterbacks in the NFL playoffs are getting younger. Here's why their - age is important" - who cares about the NFL? - "US Marines officially opens first new base in 70 years on island of - Guam" - USA propaganda piece - "After 3 years of Covid, CNN went into rural China for Lunar New Year. - Here's what we found and how officials tried stopping us" - probably officials knew CNN fucking sucks ass and were trying - to stop them from ruining people's fun. article exploration - time! - the article was incomprehensibly boring and just - explored COVID-19 stuff in rural china. the tldr is - rural people don't care because they didn't really get - great treatment during the onset of the pandemic so - anyone who would've died did and now it's just a thing - that goes around. i didn't read much of the article i'm - just describing my rural town because rural towns are - the same fucking everywhere - "China still wants to control Big Tech. It's just pulling different - strings" - anti-China propaganda piece. this could have been titled "the - Chinese government still wants influence over Western - technology companies, trying different methods" but that - wouldn't be biased or completely fucking stupid. can you tell I - hate CNN? - - I could go on but my doctor (drug dealer) told me to watch my blood -pressure so I'm gonna have to chew an aspirin (drugs) to calm down (get high). - -私を殺して - -street racer at twelve -no sidewalk. street's soaked in ice -take me somewhere nice - -Note to self: mail Jared <https://soundcloud.com/cementcity-1 -/fallen-angel-cement-city-cover-panty-and-stocking-with-garterbelt-ed> - -[...] -[12:06 PM] tebicat: I read this and imagined a human organ hooked up as an hid - or something -[10:05 PM] trinity: like that person with the pinball thingies surgically added - to their brain or whatever and could be put into agony by - pressing a button -[10:05 PM] trinity: what are the pinball thingies called -[10:05 PM] trinity: SOLENOIDS -[10:06 PM] trinity: EE teacher called them pinball bumpers -[10:07 PM] trinity: cyborg but the augmentation is easy facility for torture -[10:07 PM] trinity: ping ping ping AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE -[10:10 PM] trinity: in hindsight i should stop engaging with severely fucked up - events -[10:10 PM] trinity: i feel like all my random anecdotes are like hey i watched - a person die that way - - I'm not a very good leader. Today at work one of the people in my [...] -threw a bitch fit because I put them on menial labor most of the time rather -than the meat and potatoes of our job. A real bitch fit that made me pause what -I was doing for a couple seconds to tell them to shut the fuck up, but then my -superior called them into their office so that they instead could tell them to -shut the fuck up - I technically have no authority to tell anyone what to do -but people listen to me because I'm the one with the most experience. - - "I'm gonna throw a B.F.! A bitch fit!" ~ a friend of mine - - I'm not a very good leader. The issue is that I don't really feel that -whole empathy thing or anything like that. Not only can I not imagine what my -subordinates (this sounds like total dogshit but bear with me because this -wording is the best I have) are feeling but when they verbalize their feelings -there's not much I can do to understand or care because I barely have -discernable emotions besides {confused,typical,hyper,tired}. My solution to -most things is to get someone doing menial labor because I figure if they're -stressed out they should do relaxing small jobs rather than the soul crushing -eternal big job. - I don't have much to add because I don't care that much. When dogs bite -send them outside. Otherwise as long as they can still walk put them on the -leash and make them exercise. - - -/blah/2023-01-25.html - -Trinitisms: It's not preferable to drink from plastic. - - I was really pleasantly surprised to see people's caring about -microplastics hit the mainstream. This is half about that and half just that I -don't like the texture of most plastic things relative to metal cans or glass. -Except straws, I love straws. - -Now reading: <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychochemical_warfare> - -Service: Soundcloud - trn1ty - - I had a dream last night I was walking in my neighborhood when this -bald eagle swooped down to attack me. I happened to have a baseball bat with me -so I hit it in its chest and it fell down on the ground. Then I beat it until -it stopped moving and when it was dead I woke up. - - Band name idea: sourdough starter. - -Trinitisms: Don't put ice in beverages that aren't water, or they'll get - watered down. - - I made this joke at work until everyone was sick of it and then put it -on my website because I myself was not yet sick of it. - -Trinitisms: Don't think, feel. - - And you'll be tanasinn. - -Trinitisms: A string is an array of characters. - - I hate, hate, hate, HATE programming languages that don't let me index -strings as if they're arrays. Or make me jump through hoops. C is perfect. - -Trinitisms: More magic is necessary. - - Referencing the famous magic / more magic hacker fairytale. - -Trinitisms: The only good programmers are the insane programmers. - - I miss you, Terry! - -Trinitisms: If less than one half of the packaging is in a non-Latin writing - system, the noodles will be sub-par. - - I think I came up with this in high school. I prefer Shin Ramyun and -use a Sunbeam Hot Shot to heat the water, the same since I started. I used to -have a couple a day but now I rarely have that ramen. I can get a meal from a -local Chinese restuarant and stretch it out to last me 3 days of meals. - -辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛 - - I hope this Unicode works because it's tofu with the default xterm(1) -font. - - I can't sleep. When I close my eyes I can see the inside of my mind. - -[2022-01-08T0128] trinity: proprietary vendor, proprietary problem - - Howard, what is flau x4c? - - Cassidy met Ada at the coffee shop for the second time for the second -time. - Ada spoke first. "How's your morning going?" - "Fine. Weird, but fine." - "Weird?" - Cassidy smiled. "I screw dials into watches, that's my job. It smells -weird. I just realized there's all kinds of dust in the air." - Ada grew pale. "Dust in the air?" - - -/blah/2023-01-24.html - -How to make lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD) - 1. [...] [...] in [...] with [...] to get [...]. - 2. Activate the [...] by [...]. - 3. Extract the [...] and [...]. -Easy! - -Trinitisms: "Disc" refers to optical and physically impressive media, such as - compact discs or phonograph discs, and "disk" is for magnetic - media, such as floppy disks or hard disks; there are however - exceptions and edge cases. - - I probably didn't coin this one but rather came up with it -independently, observing the use of dis{c,k} between "optical disc" and "floppy -disk". I'm still not sure if this is the actual rule. - -Trinitisms: catfella - the non-gender-specific form of "catboy" or "catgirl". - (coined 2020-08-11 when referring to my friend Socks) - Also in use (though not a Trinitism): nyanbinary. - - Socks is so cool. I don't know what they're up to now, probably kicking -ass somewhere on the net. I was a moderator on their short-lived Discord server -which had like a million messages in #general alone after like three months. I -met them on TikTok because we both had comparable follower counts and -everything; I left TikTok and eventually all social media and they and everyone -else stayed behind. Socks made the most realistic purring noise I've ever heard -a person make. - -Sent SMS to [...] at 2023-01-21T00:19:22-0500: -bloomberg terminal that jerks you off when your stocks enter the red - -Trinitisms: The continents shall be separated as follows: - North America, - South America, - Eurasia, - Africa, - India, - the middle-East, - and Oceania. - Though I hope someone important finds individual terms for each - America and has a better name for the middle-East if each - region's residents generally agree with me that the current - naming kind of sucks. - - I talked to a friend of mine about this but I don't remember where. Not -Discord. Maybe SMS? My SMS logs from history are totally toast. - -Trinitisms: 39 - "Thank you." In Japanese the word for 3 is "san" and the word - for 9 is normally "kyuu" so 39 is pronounced "sankyuu". -Trinitisms: Antarctica is cool, both literally and figuratively. - - The same friend with which I discussed the continents harbors -Antarctica as a special interest and told me stuff about McMurdo Station which -is cool as all fuck. - - Maslow has nothing on me. - -1 ___ -2 ______ _____/ \ -3 ________/ \_______/ \__ -4 / \______ -5/ - - -/blah/2023-01-23.html - -Adventures in nmcli(8): Secrets were required, but not provided. - Rebooting didn't work. - Futzing didn't work. - Config didn't work. - Disabled MAC address scrambling (already was disabled). - Rebooted WiFi router. - Rebooted machine. - Worked. - Rebooted. - Didn't work. - Rebooted. - Worked. - Rebooted. - Didn't work. - Rebooted. - Worked. -Hardware fault? - - What I'm reading: -Wasson, R. Gordon, Ruck, Carl, Hofmann, A., - The Road to Eleusis: Unveiling the Secret of the Mysteries. - Harcourt, Brace, Jovanovich, 1978. - -PING 1.1.1.1 (1.1.1.1) 56(84) bytes of data. -64 bytes from 1.1.1.1: icmp_seq=1 ttl=54 time=5332 ms -64 bytes from 1.1.1.1: icmp_seq=3 ttl=54 time=4710 ms -64 bytes from 1.1.1.1: icmp_seq=6 ttl=54 time=1913 ms -64 bytes from 1.1.1.1: icmp_seq=7 ttl=54 time=2131 ms -64 bytes from 1.1.1.1: icmp_seq=8 ttl=54 time=6488 ms -From 192.168.2.105 icmp_seq=20 Destination Host Unreachable -From 192.168.2.105 icmp_seq=21 Destination Host Unreachable -From 192.168.2.105 icmp_seq=22 Destination Host Unreachable -64 bytes from 1.1.1.1: icmp_seq=9 ttl=54 time=15077 ms -64 bytes from 1.1.1.1: icmp_seq=10 ttl=54 time=15891 ms -From 192.168.2.105 icmp_seq=23 Destination Host Unreachable -From 192.168.2.105 icmp_seq=24 Destination Host Unreachable -From 192.168.2.105 icmp_seq=25 Destination Host Unreachable -From 192.168.2.105 icmp_seq=26 Destination Host Unreachable -64 bytes from 1.1.1.1: icmp_seq=11 ttl=54 time=15621 ms -64 bytes from 1.1.1.1: icmp_seq=12 ttl=54 time=14801 ms -64 bytes from 1.1.1.1: icmp_seq=13 ttl=54 time=13844 ms -64 bytes from 1.1.1.1: icmp_seq=16 ttl=54 time=10823 ms -64 bytes from 1.1.1.1: icmp_seq=18 ttl=54 time=8812 ms - Awesome! - ME: 'Sup. - JOHN: Nothing much. How about you? - ME: Oh, you know. - JOHN: What's going on? - ME: Well, I'm alive, so things aren't great. - JOHN: Oh. - - PURPOSE BUILT TO BE DISARMINGLY CUTE - - Now playing: Killing Me Softly - Roberta Flack - - Based! on sodium bicarbonate. in a spoon with a blowtorch - -Antipsychotics - | \ - | _\| - V Dopamine -> Neurotransmitters -> Chemical Synapses -> Synapses -Psychosis _ ^ - ^ |\ | - | \ _ Serotonin - | \ /| -"Bewitchment"_\ / - |\ \ LSD -> Ergot <- Claviceps purpurea - \ \ ^ / ^ - \ \ | |/_ | - '-\------- Ergotism <------|-- Hosp. Bros. of Saint Anthony - \ | - '-+---------- Eleusinian Mysteries - | ^ - \ | - '-- Philosophy <- Plato - -[...] -[8:36 AM] segismundo: so, an anti psychotic does the opposite to LSD -[8:37 AM] segismundo: meaning that LSD is, by definition, a "psychotic" -[...] - - Just as Land smoked methamphetamine, Plato drank of ergot-infected -kykeon. Philosophy is an application of psychosis. - -[...] -[9:48 AM] meatgrinder #1 meatspinoza: Fantastic - ---- 1.1.1.1 ping statistics --- -837 packets transmitted, 99 received, +229 errors, 88.172% packet loss, time... -rtt min/avg/max/mdev = 39.220/30595.549/353683.940/40902.931 ms, pipe 307 - - -/blah/2023-01-22.html - - Internet's out, repo's not cloned here, guess I'm writing this in a -separate text file. - - This blah really is just a single large HTML file I edit (most of the -time). I might start splitting it up but then I don't get to read previous -stuff as I write. A lot of my revision process is just taking something I've -written, copy pasting it into a new doc, and rewriting it word by word into -something I like. It would be a lot harder to do if it was all separate text -files. Honey, where did I put my arsonted_06.txt? - - I have a job I never really talk about here because I don't really like -working and don't see why I should write about something I don't like. But my -co-workers vaguely know of the existence of this blah so I figure I'll mention -that. At least at this current job they do. Don't move up, move out. I make -sandwiches. Fast food. It's no honorable occupation. - - xterm(1) is a program I really enjoy despite it technically being hot -garbage. Someday maybe I'll fork it and fix it while keeping support for -everything but probably not. - - maia arson crimew is so cool. - - I'd like to implement Fing for UNIX but better. It's definitely -possible even in Just shell scripting. nmap(1), ping(1), etc. - - Immediately I'd like to write a history of pagers and some -documentation for raspi-config(8). - - -/blah/2023-01-11.html - - "Sounds like a pretty one-sided relationship." - "Well, yeah." Ada Karina had finished her brief account of a story that -spanned decades. - "Forty five the first time... back twenty three years from that... then -how old?" - "Oh, I uh- thirty. Even, I think." - "Eight years. So fifty three. Then you were thirty five, another -thirteen. That's sixty six years?" - "I guess." Ada checked her watch. - "You're twenty three now. That makes you eighty nine." - "I guess." - Howard tapped his fingers on the recliner. A church bell rang in the -distance; noon. The cafe would close in an hour. He thought to himself. "Older -than me." - "Not physically. Mentally I feel like my brain's on fire. Probably I -won't last much longer up in my head. But it helps a lot that I'm twenty three -by all observable quantities. And really it's more like I was trapped in -a simulation three times rather than that I actually time travelled." - "How was it?" - "How was what?" - "You spent- eighty nine, twenty three - sixty six years working towards -a relationship. I mean, no matter how good Cassidy is, is it worth it to go -that long?" - Ada thought for a moment. "For a smile? For a hug? Of course. and it -kills me that it's gone." She laughed. "Yeah. It just kills me." Ada turned her -head to look outside at the table at which she met Cassidy the second, third, -and fourth times. - Howard Polk had been the owner of the cafe for the previous two years. -He wondered if he'd be alive for the holocaust, if Ada couldn't prevent it. He -looked at his knuckles resting on the worn cotton armrest. The burns he got as -a cook at someone else's establishment decades past never healed, not on his -knuckles and not on his neck. "I lost someone too, once. The last person I -cared about. Actually cared about." - "May I ask who?" - Howard snorted. "Yes you may. The co-owner. Margeret." - "Margeret." - "Best damn cook I knew. Taught me everything I know. Everything." - "What happened?" - Howard scratched the recliner fabric and felt the texture. "We went our -separate ways, or rather, she went her separate way, getting bored of the -business or the routine or something. I texted, called, messaged back when -instant messaging was still new. And she sent me a message saying it wasn't my -fault that she didn't answer and that she was going through a rough patch." - Ada turned back to Howard. "What happened?" - "She washed up on the shore of the Nile." - "Fuck." - "I still prefer it to what you said. Even if I don't quite believe it." - A timer went off in the kitchen area behind the counter in front of -which Howard's recliner sat. Ada watched the cook bend down out of sight and -return to view with a pan of bacon. "I wouldn't believe it either." - - -/blah/2023-01-09.html - - 1000 lines since the last Ted story? - - Minerva and Ron sat silent in the car. Ron focused on driving while -Minerva frowned at the horizon. - "We should have stayed there and made sure he got help." - "Help? What help is there for him? It's a miracle he didn't end up -killing anyone. I know it's my 'duty' as manager to make sure the store's safe -but the guys'll fill in everything for the cops and EMTs and Ted'll get put -away in a place where he can't do more harm. That was a traumatic event, -Minerva. I want something to take the edge off and I wanna forget the fire and -Ted ever happened." - Minerva looked at the steering weel. "That's not a healthy coping -mechanism, you know." - Ron stared into the horizon. "Oh, fuck off. If you thought any -differently than I did you wouldn't have gotten in the car." They started to -accelerate. - - Ted had been watching the second building burn that day for probably -half an hour before he heard footsteps in the brush behind him. "You rat -bastard!" - Ted turned around to find a police officer with his gun already drawn. -"Oh. Hi. Are cops allowed to swear?" - The officer's hands' tremble was slight but visible. "Ted." - Ted read the officer's name tag. "Jack?" - "Tom. Tom Jack. You were at my brother's Christmas party." - Ted remembered a Tally Jack with which he worked. Tally invited Ted to -his Christmas party about three months prior and Ted at the time regretted -showing up. Being beaten with blessings and suffocated by songs playing in -background commercials. Every present had a logo and everybody already knew the -brands. Ted was the odd one out, as usual. "Tom." - "How could you? You could have killed all of your co-workers - why burn -down the office? You could have killed my brother." Tom's voice quivered. - Ted tilted his head and thought for a moment. "Nobody died. Would have -been cooler if they all did, yeah." He smiled softly. - Officer Jack, now angry, gripped his gun with both hands. "I could -arrest you, and the judge would give you a sentence, but that wouldn't be -justice. If you got out you'd just do this again, wouldn't you?" Ted nodded. -"Me killing you right now is justice. To Hell with the consequences." - Ted stood and watched the officer staring into his eyes but only -reciprocated in the same way a doll or teddy bear makes eye contact. Without -presence. - "So." Tom exhaled. "Goodbye." Tom braced for Ted's reaction. - There was none. Tom squared his soldiers. "Okay." - Ted finally reacted. "Car." - "What?" And then it hit Tom with all two tons of force; an ambulance -driven under the influence. Its brakes squealed but the tires couldn't catch -the dry grass and the ambulance sucked Tom under where he was run over by all -four wheels before being spit out on the other side ten seconds from death and -with his top ten most vital organs all perforated in one way or another. "Man." - Ted watched the light leave Tom's eyes as the ambulance driver -staggared out of the vehicle. Tom in terms of presentation wasn't too gruesome, -though death did have somewhat of an effect on his composure. It struck Ted as -a boring dead body. - The driver put his hands on the sides of his head. "Oh man, oh man, oh -man..." Ted was surprised he hadn't been the one hit but then remembered he -didn't care, and that the ambulance driver wasn't on fire. - "Can you hold still for a second?" - The driver paused and looked at Ted. "...What?" - - Arson Ted is my favorite character. - - -/blah/2023-01-08.html - - What I found in Flipnote Studio 3D for my Nintendo 3DS: - - 2019-09-25 0646: 9 frames. Bouncing ball demo. - - 2019-10-11 1736: 28 frames. Bouncing ball demo (the ball is liquid). - - 2019-12-16 1304: 30 frames. The word "FUCK" turns into strings and - falls onto the floor. It recollects as - a heart with "YOU" in the middle. - - 2011-01-01 2110: 60 frames. A stick figure falls into the ground and - (likely a clock leaves an impression in the snow; climbs - issue) out. Letters appear above them: "SOVIETS - WITHOUT A PARACHUTE (tm) - - 2011-09-30 1004: 4 frames. A stick figure masturbating. - (likely a clock - issue) - - 2020-11-09 2257: 55 frames. A stick figure waits at a dinner table - holding a fork and knife, wearing a bib. - Another stick figure slides a dish to the - other end of the table. The first stick - figure looks down and their mouth extends - into crocodile-like jaws before they take - a bite out of the entire section of the - table with the dish. The second stick - figure extends their mouth likewise and - smiles. - - 2020-11-10 2302: 2 frames. A small drawing of a teddy bear next to - the shaky words くまちゃん: <BR /> - 「ACAB」. - - 2020-11-16 1746: 2 frames. Words on top of a flashing yellow and - white background: i <3 LOOTERS. - - Today I tried playing Professor Layton and the Curious Village for the -Nintendo DS. It was too hard and I've given up. Half the puzzles are total -bogus (you have one match and want to heat your bathtub, start a fire, and -light your lamp; which do you light first?.. your match). The story looks good -and I like the FMV cutscenes. Maybe I'll find an edit of all of them on-line. - I rediscovered Paper Airplane Chase (DSiWare) which I had when I was a -very small child on my DSi XL. I played it a lot and enjoyed it but now it -looks to me like it's probably an asset flip of some part of another game. -Maybe WarioWare? - In total people owe me $545. I'm hoping I can get that by the time next -month's rent is due. - -/home/trinity/Pictures/the_end_of_the_world.webm (2021-03-04 2104; 3991 KB; -origin unknown) - - 00:00: A picture of Tim and Moby from MobyMax. - 00:00: A picture of Captain Underpants. - 00:01: A picture of a Nintendo Wii. - 00:02: The poster for Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules (2011). - 00:02: A screenshot from PAPA's TACO MIA. - 00:03: A picture of a kid with outstretched hands displaying - Sillybandz. - 00:03: Bodycam footage of an officer shooting a figure in the desert. - Dated 2018-10-10 1454. - 00:04: Video of a police officer shooting a man in the street. The - police officer behind him is held back by a bystander. - 00:04: Video of a TSA agent searching a child for weapons. - 00:05: Video of another TSA agent searching a toddler in a wheelchair - for weapons. - 00:06: A screen capture of a computer system using facial recognition - to track school class attendance. - 00:06: A screenshot from a TSA body scanning computer. - 00:07: A Department of Defense press release showing 3D render of an - "active denial system". - 00:08: Footage from a massacre at a mosque in Christchurch, New - Zealand. - 00:09: A screen capture of a computer system tracking the positions of - students at a school. - 00:09: Footage of a police officer pulling a police canine off of a - figure. - 00:10: A picture of a poster at a school. Visible is a yellow smiley - face with "Smile" above and "You're on camera!" below. To the - right visible is the following fragment: - Our new bus - you have a sa - We have pros - and graffiti on - (italic) You are being - (italic) bus. So just sit - WE WILL P - OR - 00:10: A snippet from Sunday Today with Willie Geist, headline: JEFFREY - EPSTEIN'S DEATH LEAVES ANGER AND QUESTIONS. - - -/blah/2023-01-07.html - -2022-05-04 - -Orientation - Olive arrived the next day at 9 o'clock antemeridian having been -informed of the time she'd start work two hours prior via electronic mail. She -entered the restaurant via the two sets of glass double doors and walked to the -counter. - "Hi, I'm Olive, I'm here for my first day of work here." - The kid at the counter looked like they hadn't slept in weeks. "Hi -Olive, I'll go get the manager." They disappeared and returned from the back of -the restaurant which didn't seem to be lit, accompanied by a man Olive hadn't -met. He grimaced in an attempt to smile. "Hi Olive. Usually Paul would be here -but he's out sick." - "Sick? I spoke with him at length yesterday in his office – should I -quarantine?" - "No, the only thing of Paul's that was contagious was his smile." The -man grimaced again. "Come with me, I'll show you the kitchen." - Olive, lead by the new supervisor, followed into the dim kitchen, lit -by a single red-tinted bulb. Another kid, apparently lacking more sleep than -the first, stood at a tall stainless steel table on which four machines sat. On -the far right was the paper dispenser; it dispensed paper wrappers for the -burgers, operated by button press. The bun dispenser, operated by lever, -deposited refined-grain sesame seed buns of 12 centimeter diameter, the bottom -landing on one corner of the paper and the top landing on another. The patty -dispenser, operated by plunging lever, was a conveyor belt that lead to the -kitchen from nowhere immediately discernible to Olive. On metal wires it would -push patties, two at a time, to the table. The final machine dispensed an -orange mixture (that smelled like cheese and ketchup) and was operated by flip -lever – flipped one way, it dispensed enough syrup for one burger, flipped the -other way, it dispensed enough for another. Shik-shik, puk-puk, hrnnnnn, click. -The kid at the table made two burgers at a time before wrapping them and -sending them out. - Next to the table, on the red tiled floor, was a bucket of waste. Olive -gestured to it. "Do you do composting?" - "Oh, no, of course not. We need to count out waste. How many burgers -tossed, how many buns tossed, et cetera. We've had issues with employees -stealing product." - "Oh." Olive stared in the bucket. It held a soup of cheese/ketchup, -grease, mushed bread, and dissolving wrappers. "You count out everything in -there?" - "Yup, that's not exactly my favorite part of this job." The supervisor -turned to the table kid. "Daniel, this is Olive." - "Hi Olive." Daniel turned back to his hell. - The supervisor turned back to Olive. "You'll be replacing Daniel. Watch -how he works so you know what you'll be doing." - Olive kept staring in the bucket. "Do you have any sort of official -procedure sheets?" - "Yes, but you aren't allowed to see them." - Olivia's eyes moved from the bucket to the conveyor. "Oh." - - That was OK. Here's how I'd write it now: - -Orientation - Olive arrived the next day at 900 on two hours'notice. She entered the -restaurant via two sets of glass double doors and walked to the counter. -Holding the register was a teenager who looked like he hadn't slept in weeks. -Olive read his nametag. Sam. - "Hi Sam, I'm Olive, I'm here for my first day of work here." - "Hi Olive, I'll go get the manager." He disappeared into the back of -the restaurant, which Olive noticed was lit dimly if at all, and returned with -a man in a black uniform. The man grimaced in an attempt to smile. "Hi Olive. -Usually Paul, the manager with whom you spoke yesterday, would be here, but -he's out sick." - "Oh. Should I be here then? The interview was in an enclosed space and -for a little while." Sam brought out the bag for an order as they talked. He -pulled a receipt off a clip hanging from one of the shelves behind him, strafed -over to the soda fountain, and started pouring drinks. A set of hands pushed a -burger onto the other shelf and then receded back into the darkness. - "No, it's not contagious - fortunately. Plus the restuarant is very -well ventilated. The only thing of Paul's that was contagious was his smile." -The man grimaced again. Olive noticed the use of past tense. "Come with me, -I'll show you the kitchen." - Olive, lead by the supervision, stepped behind the counter, between the -two stainless steel shelves, carefully through a brief corridor between shelves -holding room-temperature ingredients, and followed around the end of the shelf -on the right to the small kitchen which she noticed was lit by a single red -incandescent bulb. Another teenager stood at a waist-level stainless steel -table onto which four machines dispensed paper wrappers, sesame-seed buns, beef -patties, and some sort of sauce. Four tubes ran to the table; two from the -floor and one each from the ceiling and a refrigerator-sized machine behind the -kid that had a large steel tube chimney vent also routed towards, eventually, -the sky. The kid at the table made a sandwich in a rhythmic beat. - Shik-shik. The paper dispenser was a box sort of shaped like a printer -with a large black button that used the mechanical force of the button press to -separate and spit out the burger wrapper. The box extended past the edge of the -table and a large stainless steel tube extended from its bottom through the -floor. The papers had red splotches on them, like there was an accident in -printing. - Puk-puk. The bun dispenser was a tube that ran down from the ceiling -towards the table with a lever on the front. The lever rotated a gear inside -the tube so it could dispense a single twelve-centimeter sesame seed bun, -fluffy enough to not be damaged upon hitting the bun wrapper. - Hrnnnnn. The patty dispenser, operated by foot pedal, was a conveyer -belt within a thick tube that carried a freshly-broiled hamburger patty; the -Durmer Burger signature patty, in fact. It came pre-seasoned. - Click. The sauce dispenser resembled a sink faucet, with a tube a -couple centimeters in diameter running from a valve in the floor under the -table to the hook-shaped dispenser section. On the front it had a flip lever - -flipped one way, it dispensed enough syrup for one burger, flipped the other -way, it dispensed enough for another. The large handle made a gentle but -audible click as it toggled. The signature Durmer Burger sauce was orange and -smelled to Olive like a mix of cheese and ketchup but she figured it would be -naive of her to assume that was all it was. - Shik-shik. Puk-puk. Hrnnnnn. Click. Then he wrapped them and pushed -them through the shelf into the light behind it. - Next to the table, on the red tiled floor, was a bucket, a third full, -of various decomposing ingredients. Olive pointed at it and turned to the -manager. "Do you do composting?" - "Oh, no, not here." He chuckled, which came out as a low growl. "We -count out waste to make sure the inventory sums out. A couple years ago we had -some problems with an employee stealing a ton of stuff from here so it's just -in case it happens again. Probably not really necessary but it's what the -higher-ups want." - "Oh." Olive stared in the bucket. It held a soup of sauce, grease, -the remnants of some buns, and slowly-dissolving wrappers. "You count out -everything in there?" - "Yeah. Not exactly sunshine and roses." The supervisor spoke a little -louder. "Daniel." - The table teen, presumably Daniel, looked up from making sandwiches. - "This is Olive." - Daniel looked towards Olive's knees. "Hi Olive." He turned back to his -table. - The manager turned back to Olive. "You'll be replacing Daniel. Watch -how he works so you know what you'll be doing." - Olive kept staring in the bucket. "Do you have any sort of procedure -sheets anywhere?" - "Probably. I've only seen glimpses. They keep it under wraps. This is -more sort of a word-of-mouth, creative job. You do things the best you can." - "Alright, cool." - - I don't like chocolate. - - -/blah/2023-01-06.html - -2022-05-04 - -Interview - Olive set herself down on a blue chair with stainless steel gray legs -that grasped a red tiled floor thinly but strong enough at least for her right -then. The weather outside was beautiful, a clear sky with few clouds, and the -sun would rise in an hour, though Olive could see none of this because the -cramped office in which she and her chair were captive was windowless. The -silence was set to the beat of Olive tapping her jeans with her nails and -looking at the, to her, very large vent next to the flickering fluorescent -light in the suspended ceiling. The cheap desk in front of her wasn't very big -but still barely left room for her against the wall, on it was miscellaneous -unsorted paperwork. This was the first, most potent memory Olive would have of -her time working for Durmer Burger. - There came two knocks at the door and it was ajar. The lead manager, -Paul, smiled with nearly all of his teeth before pulling it open. "Olive, is -it?" - "Yes." Olive stood up and held her hands at her sides, intending to -shake Paul's hand if he offered his. He didn't and simply sat down behind his -desk. Olive sat down as well. - "This is an impressive resume. You volunteered at the humane society -for two years?" Paul's salt-and-pepper hair stuck out under a brown DURMER -WORKER hat. - "Yeah. I had some spare time and wanted to help out." - "Good, good. I see you did take some cooking classes at school. You -might be able to teach us a thing or two. I know our kitchen can be a little -strange to new hires but I think you'll get along fine." - "I hope so." - "So do you want to stay in the kitchen, or do you want to take orders? -Maybe a little of both?" - Olive looked at the desk for a moment before looking back at Paul. "I -think starting out in the kitchen would be good, but I don't know." - "Alright, kitchen, then play it by ear. Sounds good." Paul put on a -sickness of a smile and reached out with a bent elbow to shake Olive's hand, -which she followed. - After Olive left the room Paul leaned back in his chair and began to -seize. Foam fell from his lips onto his gray uniform. The chair fell over to -Paul's right side, to the door, and Paul hit the side of his head on the -doorknob as he fell onto the floor while his chair scuffed the beige wall -behind him. As his blood dripped slowly onto the tile the fluorescents finally -gave out. Neither the kitchen crew nor the order takers heard Paul die, though -Sam, who usually was relegated to the fryer in the kitchen, noticed the light -was off while sneaking out to the dumpster to smoke a joint of marijuana. He -knocked, asked the order takers where Paul was, and continued out through the -back entrance to the dumpster. On his way back he noticed Paul's car was still -parked outside the entrance. Sam checked both bathrooms (each empty) and opened -the office door ajar to see if Paul maybe was taking a nap on the clock. That's -when Sam found the body. - After Olive left the room she walked out of the restaurant through the -front entrance, looked up and down the street for traffic, though there rarely -was any, and crossed Canal Avenue over to the Chinese buffet where she turned -right and started walking home. She watched ambulances and a police car fly -down the road and didn't see any significance in it. - Paul's shoulder was mostly holding the door shut but Sam could see the -drool on the floor. He ran away to the front and told the order takers, who -called the local emergency number. Two ambulances and a police car stopped in -the drive-through and brought out a stretcher, some paramedics, and a police -officer. While the paramedics took care of the body the officer questioned -first the order takers and then Sam, whom the officer noticed was high. Officer -Daniels didn't make a note of it. - On a computer screen somewhere (anywhere) in a factory a worker watched -a man seize and die on closed circuit television. He picked up a telephone and -dialed for his superior who was on the same connection. The superior went down -to the worker's office and stared at the still conveyor belt behind the worker, -on top of which neatly laid a number of burger wrapper papers. The superior -asked what the worker was doing and the worker explained that a man had just -died inside the burger store (Durmer Burger). The supervisor stared at the -press, then the employee, then the ink buckets that lay beside the press -peppered with warning labels regarding the composition of the ink. The -supervisor considered how hot the ink had to be to be in a liquid state. Then, -silently, the supervisor grabbed the employee by the ear and violently threw -them into the red tank. The employee opened their mouth to scream but only -music came out. The most beautiful music the supervisor had heard. It came to a -crescendo as the worker's face dissolved and they lost consciousness due to -shock but it played on even after the employee's decrescendo. Red splattered -onto the burger wrappers. - -2022-05-04 - -Recomposition - "Hey." A figure in a black trenchcoat, wearing green circular glasses a -bit too big for their head, tapped Olive's shoulder as she lay on the road -foaming at the mouth. "Hey Olive. Wake up." - Seeing that Olive was dead, the figure started walking down the road -backwards, facing Olive. When Olive's body flew up and started walking -backwards towards Alan's the figure crouched and continued sneaking, staying -out of Olive's field of view. This figure watched Olive make her way backwards -to the gas station and eventually made it behind Durmer Burger as Olive -shuffled backwards towards the ground outside the broken door and lay down in -front of it. Olive flew into the door and the glass beads on the ground -arranged themselves into a full sized window pane. The figure waited a minute -or two on a mechanical wristwatch before heading towards the front of the -building. - All was quiet in the neighborhood. No birds chirped, no squirrels -rustled trees, and there were no cars on the street. The figure in the black -trenchcoat retrieved a black purse from their belt, took out a tension rod and -paper clip, and started to pick the lock. Within a couple seconds they got -through and held the door open. Soon Olive came running out of the portal. - "Hey." - Olive clutched her arm and turned around. "Hello?" Her face was twisted -in pain. - "Hi, I'm here to invite you to Saikokon." The figure smiled with a few -more teeth than fit a human. "It's free!" - "Saikokon?" - "Yes, yes. It's quite a surprise, isn't it?" - Olive looked around her. "What?" - The figure frowned and put their purse back on their belt. "Alright, -well, I'll take that as a yes, which isn't quite consent but otherwise in a -couple minutes you won't be able to either way. I'm gonna need you to hop on -this scooter." They took a small, collapsible Razor scooter out of their -trenchcoat from a strap across their front and unfolded it. "It's a bit shabby -but I don't like cars' emissions." - Olive stared at the scooter. "I'm sorry – this is a lot to process. I -need medical attention." - "Yes, I know, and either you can pour some isopropyl alcohol on your -arm and die on that street drooling or you can get on this scooter and go to a -clinic. So which is it?" - Olive stepped onto the scooter. Her foot was barely small enough to fit -on its platform, leaving no room for the other. She adjusted her weight to -balance. - "Great. Now, I'm going to have to ask you not to puke. This is going to -be extremely disorienting for you. Would you like a blindfold?" - "What?" - "A blindfold. It obscures your vision." - "Why would I want a blindfold?" - "In case of inadverdent motion sickness or blindness." - "I could go blind?" - "You could always go blind." - "Will this increase the risks of my losing my sight?" - "Olive my dear," the figure grabbed onto the middle of the scooter's -steering apparatus firmly and steadied themself, "you have never seen." The -figure started slowly walking, dragging Olive along, both through space and -time. - - I'm writing this at 0400. I can't sleep. - I didn't sleep much the - night before this, or the - night before that, but I - just can't. - I can't sleep. - I'm not tired, except I'm - a little tired - I just - yawned. But I'm not - tired. I can't sleep. - I'm so tired. I don't - want to sleep but I need - sleep. But I can't sleep. - - I can't sleep - ! and I'm awake and I've - been awake since noon? I can't - remember and yesterday I - still only slept maybe a - couple hours for which I - am thankful but I need sleep. - And I can't sleep. - And heavy is the head - that wears the crown; - heavy also is the head of - the insomniac, the bitter - dead-wake hound that - howls in its gutty pain - and makes mortals fear - its cosmically lucid mind - that can strike upon them - an understanding so great - they too will never sleep - again. Never rest their - head on a pillow, never - lay in sheets, never - breathe a great calming - breath. They too can't sleep - like I can't sleep. - Why can't - I sleep - ? Why must I - never sleep - but stay on guard and on - edge and listening to the - rustle of the vents and - automotive traffic on the - street behind me, past my - window? Maybe I can sleep - but it's the world that - stops me. Maybe I - halt the world. I - don't care. I - just want to sleep - ! I - need to sleep - ! Let me sleep - ! - - -/blah/2023-01-05.html - -2021-07-07 - -Antero - A person woke up wrapped in satin sheets, head atop a comfortably -stuffed pillow. They remembered the two most important things: Take the pill. -Check the book. - The book. Where was the book. Their room came into view. A wallpaper of -lilacs on a cream background. Large windows, nearly floor to ceiling. The book -was to their left. - June 1, 21XX. Ah, the first of a new month. Funny how that happens. -They quickly flipped to the front. EDWARDS Eugene \ Class: Well-to-do. Ah. -Well-to-do. Well in-deed. - The last thing Eugene Edwards remembered was sitting in a pub in, oh, -what year is it now? 21XX. So 40 years prior; sitting in a pub, having a pint -of whatever happened to be on tap at that point. No televisions. No televisions -at the bar. There were people on phones though. Eugene watched them, thinking. -Kids on their phone. Is it a phone? Are they still phones nowadays? Fuck it. -Phones. Just about the same anyway. - The kids were on their phones scrolling through memetic imagery like a -hundred years prior back when lead and fluoride and Donald Trump and quantum -computers and oh god think of the children were on people's minds and when -those were the only just about the only things on people's minds no -cognitoviruses no hazards just green grass et cetera. A hundred years prior. -Eugene wasn't there, nor were Eugene's parents, nor grandparents. Eugene's -great grandparents were alive though. Given the plastic content in the -grandparents' bones, Eugene figured the times were not great. But maybe they -were okay. They could have been okay. - The concrete age. - Eugene was watching them on their phones. Whatever the fuck those -hipsters used. And Eugene watched the kid on the left, or the right - the one -farthest from the exit - Eugene watched them drop their phone, suddenly, and -tense up. Like getting electrically shocked. All their muscles tightened, their -face got red, their veins got big, like Rob Muscanis doing a dead-lift. Then -the kid passed out. Passed the fuck out. Then the same thing happened to -another kid and slowly as the kids checked what was on each others' phones it -rippled out. - Cognitohazard. That was what it was called. A memetic cognitohazard. -Sweeping the god damn planet. The Indians and the Koreans both denied it was -them immediately though they were under the closest scrutiny; India in -particular had been known for trying to manufacture cognitohazards for military -use. And all this investigation (in the wrong places) while it took kid after -kid. And killed them! A fucking memetic image. - That night was when Eugene learned about Antero. - Antero is an experimental (now not so much) drug aimed at preventing -the formation of new memories for 24 hours after ingestion. It's usually taken -in the morning; available to every class and every body free of charge from the -government not out of nefarious purpose (though that is questioned daily by a -number of folks more than suspicious of the UPK's leadership) but out of a -great need. Without Antero, fuck. Antero turns the permanent death of a -cognitovirus into a temporary absence from the brain of the user. Antero is the -penicillin of the twenty second century. Thank your local god for Antero, then -thank the drug company that came up with it, Gokko (pronounced "gohk koh") -Pharmaceutical. Then, of course, thank the Japanese. - Eugene took their first Antero the following morning, and by the looks -of Eugene's book of short term memories gone long term gone gone, Eugene had -taken Antero every morning since then, for the past forty years. Well, -thirty-six years technically, thirty six years, three months, and a day. Eugene -figured most people would be afraid to wake up forty years older (especially -given that Eugene was just about reaching UPK life expectancy of sixty-four). -However, Eugene did not have emotions; Eugene was technically a psychopath. -Though this word is antiquated now and will be far more antiquated by the time -this story occurs; psychopathy is not a real diagnosable medical condition, -rather a collection of common attributes, and the term is hampered by a very -strong connotation that psychopaths are violent and compulsively homicidal. -Eugene was neither. - Eugene's book was written in a somewhat different way from their usual -writing. At least that's what they figured at first look. On first glance, the -entries were scrawled quickly and looked dirtier than their usual work (or -their usual work of forty years' prior). Done so to save time, probably. And -the entries were bulleted and abbreviated. "I went out for dinner with Laura. -She seemed happy and has just gotten engaged to the kind-hearted and hearty -mutual friend of ours Brian." becomes simply "dined with laura. now eng. w/ -brian"; "laura" and "brian" both hyperlinks to the relevant written profiles -within Eugene's book (mentioned entry dated January 8 and both profiles updated -automatically with this information at the same time). - So, what to do today. 21XX-07-01. Go to work at Rogo Corporation. Job -is to supervise the automatic production of electric machetes and rapidly debug -errors. At nine hundred hours, attend meeting determining scope and cause of -formula errors in accounting department, and consequences. Okay. Eugene got out -of bed, went to the bathroom, brushed their teeth, and did other usual -activities similar to one does in the bathroom. Then they put on a -tight-fitting black collared t-shirt, light and thin dark blue jacket, and -black jeans, and walked downstairs to hail a cab to the tallest skyscraper in -their city. - "Memes", viral thoughts, have existed for millennia. As the time taken -for a thought to circumnavigate the world decreased, the sheer amount of memes -increased. The printing press, telegraph, telephone, television, all -accelerated the travel of memes. However, the mass popularization of the use of -the Internet mainly through the world wide web in the early twenty-first -century predictably spawned an unprecedented environment in which memes could -form, pass through the minds of millions of people, and die, in the span of -hours. This was the perfect petri dish in which cognitoviruses could evolve. - Cognitoviruses, or memetic cognitohazards, are self-propagating mind -worms that often interfere with the capability of the subject's brain to -accomplish tasks necessary in order to think. The first cognitoviruses were -temporarily distracting and rather harmless; for example, a game where, -whenever one thinks of it, they lose, which is in turn unwinnable unless the -subject never knew of the game in the first place, but of which the subject is -compelled to tell others, is a very classic example (and one that was popular -on the Internet through the mid 2010s). As research into the phenomenon of -cognitohazardous materials and the memetic transmission of cognitohazards -evolved, cognitoviruses were developed and published that began to circulate -through popular communicative Internet services, and soon became a "meme" -themselves. - It was in the late twenty-first century that a cognitovirus was -developed that was, more or less, lethal, and theorized to be the work of a -state military though the true origin is uncertain. And Antero sat as a -published paper and niche-market drug, usually applied in the treatments of -mental illnesses such as post-traumatic stress disorder or depression. In the -week following the release of the first lethal cognitovirus the usage of -communicative Internet services plummeted, meanwhile Gokko Pharma's valuation -increased fifty-fold. And so the world kept spinning. - Antero. Eugene needed to take the pill. They were halfway down the -stairs from their rented living space before they remembered and had to walk -back up. On the other side of the bed from where their book was. A blue bottle -with white cap; inside, a dozen or so green pills. Eugene dry-swallowed one and -went back down the stairs to the street to find a driver. - - This is not nearly my best writing. I thought 七月 was June, the -description of Eugene is so bland yet so pseudo-edgy. I like that Eugene uses -gender-neutral pronouns but that was because of my misunderstanding of gender -in which I thought such a thing was ridiculous and everybody should be neutral. -I like the idea of memes as weapons and still think about it - I used to do -stuff like that (and that's all I can say about that). But I think this style -of narration sucks and the world described was excessively bland - intended to -be British but without much subtle charm that colors the otherwise gray world -of England in media. It's nice that my writing's improved so much in 18 months -- or maybe I'm just not divorced far enough by time from what I write in this -blah to see the glaring flaws. - - I'm gonna have to put pipes at the start of the next one's lines -because it's reliant on the structure of the text - I can't just indent each -paragraph and shove it together to indicate relation between segments like I -can when I put random snippets of writing in here. - -2021-08-12 - -|Anonym's journey to the center of the universe -| -| began on 31 september 2021 in the town of little rock maine. anonym -| went to a big franchised or whatever drugstore to buy a coca cola. then they -| went to check out but they noticed no registers were open. yet the store was -| still open, and there was a worker there striding around the registers -| -| "hi, I'd like to check out please" anonym -| Worker: "Yes, that's for what I'm here." -| "well, ah, where should i pay for my cola?" anonym -| Worker: "Please use the self-checkouts." -| "i don't really understand how to use the automatons" anonym -| Worker: "Yes, that's for what I'm here -| I'm here to show you how to use the self-checkouts." -| "alright" anonym -| -| anonym learned to use the automatons to complete transactions -| -| "so, what do you think of coca cola? what sodas do you like?" anonym -| Worker: "I don't know. I drink any beverage." -| "you don't have a preference? even something you like more than others?" anonym -| Worker: "No." -| -| anonym left the store and continued their journey to the center of the -| universe - - That one was basically just a transcript of an interaction I had at my -local CVS. I hate my local CVS. - -2021-03-05 - -The Journey - Kenan Gleick woke up on a Tuesday morning, in a town neither you nor I -have heard of, Michigan, to a soft roar emanating from outside the room in -which was the bed in which he'd apparently slept. He recognized neither the -bed, nor the room, nor the view outside the window, nor, upon putting on the -clothes in the mahogany bureau next to the bed (business-casual khakis, a pair -of sneakers, and a black "Thanks for the toast!" tee shirt) and looking up at -the mirror above the bureau, himself. - He pocketed a cheap multitool on top of the bureau. He knew who he had -once been - a cashier at a local supermarket - but it didn't seem relevant to -who he was now. His palms had worn since he'd last seen them. He crossed the -hardwood flooring and opened the white door before entering a hall, painted a -diseased maroon, to find what appeared to be a handyman or some other sort of -contract laborer grinding through the drywall with a rotary saw. The man turned -off the blade and stared at Kenan. "That room was just empty." - "Sorry." Kenan quickly walked into what was marked as a stairwell and -treaded down the stairs until he came to the sign indicating the ground floor, -where he broke into a jog and quickly made it outside the hotel before anyone -could ask any questions. - - I remember thinking about this one but I don't know what it was gonna -be about. This is also probably the earliest piece of writing I have saved on -my computer. There are really old ones that maybe I'll dig out at some point -but I've already pasted three here for today and I can only bear so much -embarrassment at the writing of my 17 year old self. - - The trinity.moe/blah chronological cut must be so confusing to watch! - - I found an ancient blog of mine from when I was a kid. - -2016-04-09 - - Today we didn't have school because it's Saturday. I went to one of my -friend's birthday parties, [...]'s, to be exact, and I got him a Nerf Elite -Dual-Strike. It was a Nerf party, by the way, and it's no mystery of whether -Han or Greedo shot first. I did. I also met up with my (old) friend, [...], and -shot him. It was kinda boring today altogether though. - -2016-04-11 - - School was nothing special today. I've been trying to think of a -YouTube video to make. I've been getting vlogger's block. It's weird. Also, I -heard of something I think everybody should check out - a petition asking -Blizzard to stop trying to sue Nostalrius. Sign it! Please! - -2016-04-16 - - I didn't post anything for the week, since I was so busy with school, -but now it's April vacation so I can blog all I want. My favorite Minecraft -server, play.prxcraft.net, is shutting down on the 20th. - -2016-05-24 - - I've been busy this month. It's just too much, especially with -volunteering and all the other crap our school makes us do. Meh. Another day, -another blog. Another Weebly site to watch is AnimeFreak. Weebly's doing -something stupid so that entire sentence was linked. Enjoy. - EDIT: I linked the word now. Just the word. DEAL WITH IT. - - Somewhere along the way, probably inspired by Paul Graham's blog, I -learned it's less interesting to write about what you /do/ (unless what you do -is absolutely fascinating, which most of the time it is not) and more -interesting to write about what you're /thinking/. - - About a month after these I started on a webcomic which had the writing -quality of CtrlAltDel and a slightly better art quality than Arson Comics. It -had various unfunny jokes about virtual reality (which I had not yet tried), -self driving cars (which did not yet exist), arcade machines that could play -every video game ever made (which I didn't know existed), and the usual -violence-as-a-punchline, a hallmark of 00s and 10s webcomics. - My favorite webcomics were xkcd (which I discovered at the time Vodka -was published - 2015-05-22, I guess) and MegaTokyo (which I discovered on -xkcd's site footer). MegaTokyo taught me leetspeek and a ton of weaboo culture, -and I still love the common fantasy of being stranded in a metropolitan area -and being forced to just Figure It Out. Later I also read TwoKinds, Savestate, -Junior Scientist Power Hour, and others. - - I would be thoroughly shocked if I found anything older than 2014 that -I could paste onto here. My life only really began when I turned 18, anyway. - - -/blah/2023-01-04.html - - Karl and Will watched Captain James Cook sit in his recliner, seeming -to deliberate. An intravenous line was slung over the armrest from the back of -the chair into Cook's arm and he sat, catatonic, drool dripping past his bottom -lip, eyes wide open. Both of them knew he neither cared about what they said -nor was physically able to hear them. Behind them a small porthole window let -them see into the depths of outer space. - Will finished his thought and verbalized it. "So, like, what's he -thinking about?" - Karl: "What?" - "He's on tranqs or something. Is he thinking about the ship?" - Karl turned to Will. "Are you new here or something?" - "What! I'm just asking a question." - "Did you go to school?" - "Yeah." - "Did you graduate?" - "Well... no." - "Yeah." Karl gestured to the thin tube. "That's a drug cocktail of both -stimulants and paralytics. The chair measures his vitals and keeps him alive -while he can use all of his brain to think about what moves to make next." - Will reexamined the chair from where he stood. "Why can't he just think -normally?" - "I just said. He can but this lets him use more of his noggin. The dude -is basically doing six dimensional chess up in there. A good captain will -figure out the next thousand years' moves in advance, I've heard." - "I don't envy him." - - Captain James Cook stood on a featureless white plane under a black -starless sky, using a rod of wax to mark the ground in red. Taking into account -all of the nearby cosmic entities - the rocks and dust and occasional dwarf - -he charted out the next hundred years' plan, then the hundred after that, then -the hundred after that. The landscape around him turned pink as he marked the -hours to make up the days to make up the months to make up the years. - - An alarm sounded. Karl and Will ran to their respective stations. The -chair began to rouse the Captain for the emergency. - - James had finished year 963 when he started sliding down the smooth -surface. His naked body smeared the red wax on the floor as the floor smeared -it on him and after rolling for a couple seconds he was finally kicked off the -ground into the ether. Floating in space, he assumed the posture of sitting in -a chair so that his carriage back into physicality would be less violent. Then -like a dog pushed off a cliff he was back in his seat, chin wet, looking -through the porthole towards his previous home; outsideness. - -2022-09-16 - -Bookworm - I looked for a moment at a painting above the stairs and their bronze -railing. It had an elaborate painting of a symbol that resembled a Cyrillic "Щ". - "Alright, let's go." I gestured to the stairs. - "What? Why?" Aaron walked through one of the dozen or so aisles of -shelves, each packed with books up to the height of his shoulder. The room we -were in encompassed the full third floor of the cylindrical tomb to which we -were tourists, lit brightly by incandescent lamps and only incandescent lamps. -There were no windows nor would there be anything of interest past the glass if -there were. - "You said there would be one or two people here to meet us." Aaron -raised a hand on which he was raising his index finger but I interrupted him. -"If there's nobody to meet us for what's essentially a distress call, from this -'living vault' which I'd call a crypt, what got to them first? Whatever it was, -I don't wanna meet it." - "Everything here is visible. There are no places to hide, or hide a -body." At that, I scanned the ceiling but it was just uniform brick. "I don't -know where they went, but we've looked around, and there's nothing here. I -don't see why you'd be so unnerved." I wasn't unnerved – at least I didn't -think I was visibly so. On the other side of the room, which wasn't terribly -big, though it was of a reasonable size for a small library, a hardwood board -under the tightly woven carpet let out a muffled squeak. A cheap bell rattled. -Judging by the look on Aaron's face, I had given him a death glare, but after -he looked down his aisle he relaxed. "It's a cat." - I slowly stepped over to his aisle of books and there, on the other end -of the row, was a black and white cat with a red collar. I said the first thing -that came to my mind. "Its head is too big." - Aaron looked at me but I kept looking at the cat. "'Its head is too -big'?" The cat's head kept extending and growing. Whatever reaction I had -caused Aaron to turn back to the cat. "Oh, fuck." - The cat's fur grew sparse as its skin stretched wide and its head -turned a slow spiral into an upside-down position before its forehead grew -fangs and its former lips fused together. Its eyes widened and became -humanlike. The creature must have been three meters long with a serpentine head -but cat-sized body at the end, away from us. Its fangs were what peeked of a -mouth and that mouth opened its wide jaw and began to speak in a deep rumble of -a voice. "I." - I slowly reached for and silently unbuttoned the clasp on my knife -while maintaining my stare at the creature. Aaron, probably close enough to the -thing to smell it if it had a smell, trembled slightly but enough that I -noticed. I wished I hadn't gone into this damn grave without my lighter but it -was confiscated by Aaron's parents (also the governing body of this archive – -built to withstand a nuclear blast, so humanity had a "damn fine base from -which to regrow their knowledge" – Aaron's mother's words, not mine). It wasn't -something I didn't understand – I too long for a first edition Origin of -Species sometimes after one or two glasses of wine at night, and have to page -through Sotheby's catalog in order to talk myself out of bidding the next time -one's stolen out of East Germany, but if there was truly some new Dracula or -Frankenstein – aside from the books, that is – hidden in these rows, I'd be -willing to burn down a lot more than some paper or even myself to make sure it -never saw the light of day. - Aaron finally spoke. "Hello?" - The creature tore a tentacle underneath the cat's chest and swung it up -above its head, morphing it into a fleshy wreath-like structure, almost like a -set of antlers. Its head and tentacle, I noticed, bent backward as they -stretched up, to keep its center of gravity below its paws. I realized what it -was doing, forming a fractal construct of flesh and the gaps between around its -head, as a second tentacle tore through the fur on the cat's back. "Aaron. Back -away towards me." - The creature's eyes, bigger now, blue, turned towards me. It rumbled -and finally spoke, something: "Apart from the one fundamental nastiness-" it -made a gargling noise "-nineteenth century suffering from toothache." It thrust -its tentacle towards Aaron and he turned and ran for the stairs, to which I -also started running. The creature began to scream in a cacophony of fifty -voices. Aaron and I got to the end of the stairway and ran across the second -floor (fiction) to its descending stairs. I didn't take the time to look behind -myself. - When we got to the bottom-most level of the vault Aaron ran to the -telephone next to the stone arch exit, currently leading to a brick wall, and -rang the operator as I turned to face his six and saw the monster, with the -body of a cat, the face of a (for lack of better description) werewolf, and the -two tentacles of a void, approaching, by morphing its appendages into some sort -of shape that could grip onto the stone bricks of the ceiling. By the time it -had climbed its way to the center of the room the vault started violently -twisting and the centrifugal force threw me and Aaron against the wall. The -beast staggered but hunkered down, moving its body towards the ceiling. The -black oily tentacles spread out into the bricks like they were Play-Doh shoved -into a fine mesh. - The door next to us opened up and we made our way across the wall to -which we were pinned and fell through. We yelled to the engineers to keep it -twisting and the portal slid shut behind us. - Aaron's father, Robert Arsenault, in his signature suit and green tie, -jogged down the freshly painted hall to meet us and the operator of his billion -dollar vault. Aaron and I were smoking, to Robert's chagrin, and against the -advice of Jamie Simon, who was almost as well known as Robert but in different -fields. In fact, the design of the library was officially called the Simon -Machine, and used novel mechanisms to rotate an entire cylindrical building on -its base as an extremely overkill locking mechanism so no unauthorized entities -could get in. I wasn't briefed on the details, or, well, I was, but I didn't -have the three PhDs necessary to understand any of it. - A vent softly pumped air from the surface. Technically our location -wasn't supposed to be made known to the lackeys but Aaron said it was somewhere -in Peru. - "What the hell was that?" - Aaron tapped his cigarette on the previously empty ashtray next to -Jamie's keyboard. "I dunno." - Robert thrust a pointed finger into Aaron's face. "You don't know? An -animal got into my library and neither of you can even tell what the fuck it -was? Do you even know how many legs it had?" - Aaron seemed to have the same idea I had; Robert could figure out what -the thing was without our help. He wouldn't believe us if we told him what we -saw. - - Unfinished! A shame, too. I think that one could have been pretty good. -Maybe sometime I'll write a middle and ending. - - -/blah/2023-01-03.html - -2022-12-07 - -I don't think about thinking, I just think it - and I think even when I can't think about anything else - I think about my thoughts about the day it left me - and I think about it I can't think about anything else -I think about Venus and the moon and the sun - and I think about when they came and killed everyone - I think about the last time us two had some fun - and I think about when we came and killed everyone -The sky is falling off the mountains - and sirens filling my brain - and the smoke attack the smoke grenades - the blood in the lane - the sky is on the edge of the earth - and there are cracks in the night - and the SWAT team and the G-men - and the federal fight - -2022-10-08 - -1 -The one hun dred me ter sprint . -. -. -. -. -2 -and it's you that's dead in last . -. -. -. -. -3 -When . will you just ad mit . . -. -. -. -. -4 -You aren't win ning in this lap . -. -. -. -. -5 -You mean no thing . to me . -I'm try ing . my best . . -. -. -. -6 -You're a hu man . dis ease . -And my best is good e nough . -. -. -. -7 -I gave it all to you . . -Leave me a lone . I'm tir ed -. -. -. -8 -And then you just col lapsed . . -of this stuff . . . . . -. -. -. -9 -You di dn't go for the gold . -I ne ver went for the gold . -I . . went for the gold . -. -. -10 -You went for the sil ver . . -I went for the sil ver . . -And I got the sil ver . . -. -. -11 -And now you're get ting old . . -And now I'm get ting old . . -I'm look ing at the bronze . . -. -. -12 -And my hair is tur ning sil ver -And your hair is tur ning sil ver -Throw my me dal in the ri ver -. -. -13 -. How could you do this to me? -. How could I do this to you? -. Is it hap pi ness I seek? -. -. -14 -. Keep me out of the . loop -. I thought I made it ea sy -. All this time I've been so sad -. -. -15 -. And at the end of the day -. And at the end of the day -. I'm so god damn in com plete -. -. -16 -. I lost out in the race . -. You lost out in the race . -. I want what you guys have . -. -. - - A lot of what I do is foreshadowed by other stuff I do. Before Blang -(still in development and not even publicly released) was the configuration -system for ytfeed, which was weird in some areas. The behavior was mostly due -to side effects. Then Usagi, a similar fantasy computer but with much loftier -goals than Blang which never really came to fruition. When it came to making an -RSS feed reader, after ytfeed.py (which started as a proof of concept out of -boredom using some Python RSS module or something) sort of collapsed from -technical debt (look, I can use buzzwords too) I really wanted to take -ytfeed.sh and expand it to be more UNIXy and KISSy but lost motivation. I had a -couple attempts after that such as "awdri", which has one feed.py file with: - -#!/usr/bin/env python - -config = [ - "feed_dir": "/home/trinity/awdri/Feeds" -] - - But I don't even know what that was gonna be. Eventually I came up with -pigfeed which is a half-decent base for an RSS feed reader, I think. Plus its -model and design are delightful though undercooked. - -2022-10-21 - -The End of the World, And What Happened Next -1. - "Put your money in the wishing well, and your wish may well come true." -The beggar turned to me, his rotted teeth spitting through the phrase. - "The wishing well?" I looked into the field behind him. I didn't see -any well. - "It's not a <I>real</I> well. It's a wallet number. Put in -a coin and reap good luck for the rest of your life." He handed me the business -card of a preacher in the church across the street behind us. On the back was a -hexadecimal wallet code, 512-bit – a legacy address, scrawled in ballpoint. I -could hardly make out the 1s from 7s or the 4s from 9s. I put it in my shirt -pocket. - "An entire coin? I thought beggars usually wanted a fiver or tenner?" - He stared into me with orange eyes. Tattooed irises, probably to go -with his hair. "It's not my wallet. Wanna miss out?" He waved his arms out. -"Your loss!" -2. - Simon was sitting at his desk filling forms when he saw kamisama from -his upstairs window. She disappeared into the forest across the street. He -quickly ran downstairs into the trees to find her sitting on a stump at a -stream, brushing her hair. - "Where have you been? I haven't heard you in days." Simon started to -retie his right shoe which was too loose. "Are you avoiding me?" - Kamisama spoke quietly. "They're trying to take me away." - Simon finished the bunny ears and double knotted it. "Who?" - "I don't know. But I'm disappearing." - Simon sat on the stump. "Is it me? We knew this might happen eventually." - Kamisama shook her head. "No, we can't part yet. I don't want you -blindly leading yourself. Someone is doing this to you." --1. - "I don't know what's worth putting a coin in an anonymous wallet, but -whatever it is, I don't need it anyway." I started to walk away. - He yelled behind me. "Fine! You just ignored the best opportunity of -your life!" I kept walking. - - -/blah/2023-01-02.html - - Ted wandered off as he heard sirens approach the crumbling office. His -office was a part of a sparse lot of buildings in the sparse tundra of -Underhelm, a small town on the outskirts of Dance City. The nearest neighbor to -his office, a tall but sterile, empty building, simply concrete, glass, -insulation, drywall, and plenty of carpet and flammable internal bits to start -a blaze, had a sign advertising its potential as a center of operations or call -center or something business or another that Ted didn't have the capacity to -care about. - He didn't know where he got the jerrycan, and didn't know how it still -had any petrol in it, not to mention how it was still full. Ted kicked down the -fashionable but laughably flimsy double doors to the office, then the next pair -of doors past the entryway. The interior looked like it would look really good -if it was set on fire. Ted angled the can to pour a thin stream of gasoline as -he walked from room to room on the ground floor. He admired the new-car smell, -the gasoline aroma, the new-wall scent, the benzene draw, the new tables and -chairs and light fixtures and Cisco-branded IP phones and the pattern on the -carpet and the sharp geometry of the modernist architecture and soon he was -back in the lobby, having completed a loop. Like a soldier, he turned -anticlockwise and continued out of the building, carving a petroleum circle -into the dead grass surrounding the lifeless vessel. - Ted struggled with his lighter. It was a disposable Bic that was nearly -out of butane. After a minute of clicking he was able to get a flame for a -moment and lit the gas trail. He watched the little bead of entropy follow the -path and split out into three, two following the circle and one cautiously -approaching the edifice. The brush and the building caught fire over a period -of a couple minutes and the fire roared to life. - "Must not have been up to code, that." Ted whispered to himself. "Quite -a lot of form, though. Now it finally serves a function." - - -/blah/2023-01-01.html - -2022-12-31 - - 221231_2107.wav - - [21:07] Well I'm in New York for the first time in my life, so I -figured I'd take a moment and do a, a bona fide audio blog- a- audio, what is -that, an aog? I dunno. Because, uh, there ain't no way I'm gonna get a chance -to sit down and type this, um, my first thought, uh, approaching New York, was -"My God, the city smells like soy sauce!" and it might have been the car. It -might have been me. I dunno. But uh, now I'm- now I'm here. Um, it took a -little while to get here. I was gonna plan to meet up with, uh, - [21:08] an acquaintance from back in- back in the /bpg/ days, when that -was a thing, um, but that sort of fell through. That's okay, another time. Um, -so I'm basically in the city now and I'm basically just walking around, um, -I've never been to New York City before. At one corner I saw a bunch of trash, -spilled, just like, a shrine to- a shrine to garbage. Shrine to- shrine to -waste. Um, I thought that was funny. I'm not taking a lot of pictures because, - [21:09] pictures? Who needs pictures? Also my phone doesn't have a lot -of battery, and I could plug it in but I can't even find a goddamn place to -stand around, there are all these signs saying no standing any time? I have no -clue how you could forbid standing. Um, I see city bike things but I don't know -how to use these damn things. Um, but I guess I could bike if I figured them -out, but then I'd be bicycling, and that wouldn't be a whole lot better than -walking when I wanna take a pause. So, I dunno. But it would be nice to get -around the city a little bit faster. But I'm sorta- I'm sorta just taking it -in. Because this is wild. It's uh, it's smaller - [21:10] than I expected from what my grandpa said but it's about what I -expected from what I thought, um, and it's raining and the streets are slick, -but for, towards the chilliest part of the year, it really ain't too bad around -here. I guess that's the uh, the 2022 New Year's- New Year's Eve heat wave or -whatever from our storm, a little bit prior, um, really washed away all the -snow, but yeah - <"hey yeah" - y'know, and uh- - <"Hey." - Hey. 'Sup. - <"How are you doing?" - Doing well, how 'bout you? - <[unintelligible] - What? - <"You're very beautiful, what's your name?" - Uh, Trinity, how 'bout you? - <"Huh?" - Trinity, what's your name? - [21:11]<"Najeem." - What? - <"Najeem." - Najeem? - <"That's a nice name." - Thank you. - <"Whatcha doing tonight?" - Ah, y'know, just walkin' around. - <"Uh, you live over here?" - Nah, I live in Maine. - <"Upstate? Oh, you got a hotel here?" - Uh, yeah, I'm staying in a, uh, staying nearby. - <"Uh, have you ever had a, like, have you ever had a big black dick?" - Huh? - <"Have you ever had a big black dick?" - Nah. - <"Would you like that?" - Nah. - <"You should try it. You might like it." - Y'know, maybe some other time, I'm sorta just here visiting family. - <"Alright, well I need you to give me some head real quick. Before -you go." - I don't think I will. - <"You don't have no choice." - Nah, I don't think I will. - <"I'm a murderer, you know that?" - Alright. - <"I'm joking. Have a good night." - Uh huh. You too. - Well, that was something. But that's New York. Still got my wallet. -Still got my keys. - [21:12] Still got my compass. Still got my phone. But, that was... huh. -Anyway. So, wait, I should probably say that, what he said again, because I -don't know if it it came through but he said [...] yeah. I dunno. Y'know, it's -nice to be desired. That guy was gonna chop me up into pieces but it's nice to -be desired. Y'know, I have very low standards. [...] - [21:13] So now I'm walking back where I came. "Duane Reade by -Walgreens". I wonder what that is. Um, [...], honestly if he didn't say that, -if he just asked politely, I probably would have. Um, but y'know. I should -probably check myself out for trackers later but. - [21:14] ... I like the- I like the ambience of the city. The honk honk. -The sirens that echo across the street. That really fill the- fill the noise -up, with harsh shrill, but only for a little bit, then it returns back to the -quiet ring-a-ding, buzz-a-buzz. There's a lot more people on these tricycle -sort of things, that can - [21:15] carry people. I, I never saw one before I went here. And -there's some buses, and apparently there's a Niel Diamond Broadway show or -something. And yeah, I'm pretty much taking turns at random. This must be an -Oakley shop or something. But uh, y'know, it's peaceful. And tonight's New -Year's Eve, and uh, probably not gonna be able to see the ball drop. Because I -would need to get in a huge crowd and be searched and wouldn't be able to use -the bathroom, yadda yadda yadda. And I ain't really, - [21:16] I'd rather just chill out. I like goin' to the places where the -people aren't, because usually the interesting things are the things not seen -by everybody. Are there any public bathrooms in New York? Also I definitely -went this way already. I uh, I went to a pizza place, and I think I got the -wrong order. But they said something to me, and I didn't quite understand it, -because it was in Spanish and, I mean, I- I can pick out some phrases, like I -can recognize what you're - [21:17] speakin', I can recognize the language, but I cannot translate -especially on the fly so I just stared blankly at them and then they laughed -and it wasn't what I ordered but it was alright pizza. "Psychic readings"? "$10 -special"? Are these the psychic readings? - <"Yes." - Oh, cool. - - 221231_2120.wav - - [21:20] That psychic reading was almost completely wrong, but, it's fun -to do it. I wonder how they come up with these things. Uh, they said I don't -usually speak my mind, which is untrue, usually take responsibility for things, -which is true, um, I do what I want when I want, which is true, but, I don't -sleep as well as I used to, which, I sleep probably better than I ever have. -But, y'know, that's fun. They don't have anything like that in Maine. Walking -through some scaffolding now. This is- "sprinkler fire department connection", -y'know I wonder how they design big buildings like this, I wonder how they add -to them. But not enough to actually look it up - [21:21] because it's probably really boring. ... Oh, gone in a circle -again, but, it's fun. Um, I'd like to get up, to a position where I can see the -ball drop, but I don't think that's gonna happen. Sorta just walking around. - [21:22] I can see ah, Radio City Music Hall, which, my grandmother went -to Radio City Music Hall, when she was a lass, and, she was disturbed by the, -uh, frivolous fragrant- the fragrant pandering to the male gaze. That's how I -would describe it. That's probably not how she would describe it, but, it's -about what she said. - [21:23] All the songs playing are songs about New York. But we're in -New York. Um, something something simulacrum? I dunno, I never read -Baudrillard. Probably just gonna keep going down this street. Uh, passing -West 48th, this is, what, oh, Avenue of the Americas, that's pretty cool. - [21:24] Do I have any other cool things I've observed in New York City? -Not really. It's very rainy and there's not a lot to do when it's raining. You -can duck under things, sure, but, only for the moment. I suppose you could do -so for a longer moment but, I don't know. I'm a stranger in a strange land. -When in Rome, do as Romans do. And they ain't doing that. But they are tooting -horns very loudly. - <"Five dollars, five dollars, five dollars. Five dollars. Five -dollars." - [21:25] When I, uh, when I went to do that palm reading, uh, I put a -twenty dollar bill down on the slightly wet but mostly covered table, um and, I -thought this would go straight down. Well I'll walk back then. Um, I was like -"You got change for a 20?" because it was a $10 palm reading and they were -like, er- well, not really a palm reading, more like a psychic prediction, and -I said- and they said "No, but I can do a full palm reading for uh, for $40." -And I said "Can you do a half palm reading, for $20?" And they said no but then -they said they felt bad and they'd give me a partial palm reading. - [21:26] So I did get a half palm reading, for $20 - a bargain in New -York City. ... I love languages, but I'm not much of a people person. I guess -I'm more cut out for linguistics than actual translation. Ah, it's a little -apple because it's the big apple. Um, - [21:27] yeah. There's a Major League Baseball store, I guess. I didn't -expect so much litter. I also expected the air to be a lot worse, um, one of my -friends who went here said you feel a lot more tired after walking in New York -than in Maine but I think it's because the weed is a lot stronger here. - [21:28] And he was probably blazing up. Alright, recording off. - - -/blah/2022-12-31.html - -2022-04-19 - -Snippets from /home/trinity/homepage/computer.html - - Hello and welcome to the world of computing. - This guide is intended to take you from a cursory or completely -nonexistent knowledge of how computers work or even what a computer is to an -understanding with which you're comfortable. - As this guide will go on the manner of language will shift from -conversational and casual to more formal and technical; this is because these -earlier sections are more like learning to ride a bike, where you won't easily -forget the basics, but the later sections are more like learning to build a -bike, where you may need to reference the manual later. - This is also a perpetually unfinished document, please refer to the -<I>updated</I> date as its version if your citation format permits it. - To start, let's run over some basic terminology. - Many of these terms are ambiguous and will be better specified later. -The Monitor - The monitor (term taken from the verb <I>monitor</I>), or screen -(term taken from the verb <I>screen</I>), is a raster display unit your -computer controls. In some manner, which depends on the technology your monitor -uses, there is being displayed some sort of content that your computer has -generated. It may be these very words. Monitors are usually interchangeable but -sometimes entire computers can be included in the monitor unit itself, the -concept of which is known as <I>all-in-one computer units</I> because -all components of the computer except input devices are in the same place (the -monitor assembly). - It's possible your computer doesn't have a monitor. Possibly, you're -using a teletypewriter, which prints text output onto paper using ink, though -this is unlikely as they were obsoleted fifty years ago in favor of "glass -teletypes" (<I>glass</I> here refers to the glass tube of a cathode ray -tube monitor). Possibly, you're using assistive technologies and aren't sighted. -Or maybe you're making this entire document up and are in a dream. There are -many ways to use computers that <I>don't</I> involve monitors but seeing -as they're so common-place there's a very good likelihood you are indeed using -one. -The Key-board - The keyboard is how many people input text into their computer. There -are many types of keyboards. Most people use standard QWERTY (named such after -the first five alphabetical runes that appear on the board) keyboards, where -each button is one symbol and perhaps there are special buttons that change the -meaning of the other buttons. There are also <I>chorded</I> keyboards, -where each <I>combination</I> (or chord, like on a piano) of keys -represents a symbol. - Possibly, you're not using a keyboard at all, and are instead using -assistive technologies such as speech recognition. - - My intent with the computer guide was to emphasize atypical but -important interfaces between user and machine, to make the guide relevant to -every single person who would read the guide. Making a guide only for those who -are sighted, hearing, have feeling in their fingertips, can read small text, is -ridiculous and limits the audience far too much. Accessibility is the future -absolutely. - - 0908 In the car on the way to New York City. - 1135 Still in the car - - I'm still getting over having my desktop Fx on my phone. It's glitchy -as hell but it works. Like, damm! - - A crowd had formed outside of the building, in the parking lot. Ted -stood with his hands in his pockets and tie blowing in the slight breeze -watching the blaze. - Out of the crowd a single black (trousers) and white (shirt) figure -emerged. He walked tensely to Ted and stood in front of him. Ted's blank gaze -stayed looking through his boss to the fire. - "Ted, you piece of shit." The boss, a lanky mam of roughly the same -height as Ted whose name escaped memory, sprayed a small droplet of saliva -on Ted's collar, which bothered Ted. Ted looked at his shoes pointing to his -boss's. "You're fired -" Ted smiled "- of course, and we'll see what the -authorities do when they arrive." - Ted's wife emerged from the crowd in the same attire. She looked roughly -like Ted - plain beyond words - with a softer face and longer hair. "Hey, Ron, -we're all a little stressed. Look at him. He's snapped. That's not Ted anymore. -Take it easy and we'll let the EMTs take a look." - Ron brushed Ted's wife's chin with his finger and had a look in his eye -that confused Ted. "Alright Minerva. I- I'm not sure what we're gonna do," he -turned towards the office, "about all this." This was the first time Ted had -seen his boss stutter. - "We'll get on." - Without waiting for any authorities to arrive, Ron found his car in the -parking lot and got in. Minerva got into the passenger's seat without prompt. -Ted listened but didn't watch as the car started and then rolled out of the -lot. He watched the smoke billow out of the windows. - Ted whispered to himself. "Arson time." - - 1458 Arrived at Manhattan - - -/blah/2022-12-30.html - - I occasionally write blahposts a day in advance. And who will stop me? - -[10:14 AM] Daruna_: Have y'all seen the [...] circle? -[10:14 AM] Daruna_: https://meetcircle.com/ -[...] -[10:28 AM] Segmentation fault: in any case, not only is this parental fascism, - i assume they log literally all data on your - home network considering you're giving them - access to it -[10:39 AM] Daruna_: I've never heard the term parental fascism before, but I - kinda fuck with it. They're a lot of fascistic normalized - behaviors in parenting that are just straight up abuse. -[...] -[10:50 AM] meatgrinder #1 hypocrite: you two.... It's called SAFETY - - "Parental fascism" is a pretty good term for it, I think. Parents get -goaded into tracking their kids, because tracking kids makes money for the -people for the people doing the tracking. It normalizes the feeling of being -surveilled - a comfort blanket made out of eyes and ears. I was gonna say more -but I just realized I don't have anything new to bring to this, so who cares. - - I found something in /home/trinity/bak/Documents/dog.odt: - -2021-06-21 - -I would like to become a dog - - I have been housesitting the residence of the family of a friend of -mine who are all currently vacationing (specific activity unknown) in Florida -right now in 2021 (- he and his company are all vaccinated against the current -pandemic). His family, particularly his mother and aunt, take care of three -well-behaved and often adorable dogs whom I shant name for their (the dogs' and -the family's) privacy, and the responsibility fell to me, which was at first -exciting in a bad way but is now boring in a good way. I care not only for but -about the dogs, and I like to think they care about me though they are -incapable of ever caring for me in quite the same way. But even if they don't, -it doesn't matter. They still behave, still go outside when I'd like them to -please urinate on the grass and not the hardwood floor, and still will sleep -next to me if not for companionship then for warmth. I am okay with this. - Essentially, I am a robot (in the sense that my actions to take care of -the dogs is automatic, and that I don't need significant input nor pay) in -servitude to these dogs – it's not that I mind, of course; I do love these dogs -even if they may not love me (are dogs capable of sentient love?). And this -concept is interesting. They essentially live in their paradise; they go -outside every 2-3 hours (whenever they move around usually it's because they'd -like to move around outside) and exercise their bodily functions out there when -need be, they play with each other and at least seem to have intellectual -stimulation out in the back yard, and they all get as much water as they want -and two get food whenever they want (the larger one has a stricter diet of two -cups of more wholesome food in the morning and at night). They are in heaven -and I am the robot that serves them. When I am off-line, others are there to -serve them. When others are off-line, even others will serve them. I would like -to be a dog. - Though, specifically, I would like to be a being that has its physical -needs met always and that is intellectually stimulated with equal peers with -which to interract. Why is this not possible? Robots certainly exist, and -certainly there is enough food in the world to feed everybody who needs food, -and certainly with wastewater recycling and other means of conserving the -environment there could be enough water for everyone, and it's not hard to make -a bathroom fit for humans (just make sure it's not where they eat), and it's -not hard to make this a suburban reality (for contact with both nature and -peers), and intellectual stimulation can be provided by peers and by the -environment. With automation, anyone can be a dog. Yet it seems like only the -wealthy are dogs. But dogs don't spend money! What need do they have for -overabundant wealth? - God Damn Capitalism. - - Alright, it's now actually 2022-12-30. I wanted to save my New Year's -Eve thoughts for New Year's Eve just in case I have something useful to say. -Unlikely. - - I'm probably gonna formally give up on Arson Comics (<arson.pisskink.org>) -because it's hard to follow up on it and I think the writing was somewhat poor -from the get go. I'll try to write a successor, bit by bit, in this blah. - - Ted walked through the wasteland of his former workplace as it burned. -He could smell the sweet benzene in the gasoline that had begun to ignite and -feel the summer heat, the artificial heat, his artificial heat from his embers. -Lucid yet still almost in a drunk trance he paced from the stairs to the door -as his co-workers rushed around him to get out of the burning building. A siren -called in the distance. - He recalled himself as he left the office building. Someone - Todd? - -grabbed him "How could you do this?!" - Ted only knew what he had just done as a dream or very distant memory. -"What?" He seemed to, almost as though he was a computer or automaton, reset to -his known state. "I'm Ted." He smiled a weak, nervous smile. "I love my job." - - Every once in a while I write program code that I think is truly -brilliant - difficult to figure out, but once I have, I'm amazed at how well it -works. Then I realize it doesn't work. - - hubris (noun) - hyoo͞′brĭs -1. Overbearing pride or presumption; arrogance. -2. Excessive pride, presumption or arrogance (originally toward the gods). -3. overbearing pride or presumption -The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 5th Edition. - - I hate it when blogs use Substack because I know it's gonna annoy me -with a cookie banner or e-mail popup or whatever. Tosu gets my e-mail and only -Tosu's Substack because she's really cool. If I don't know you you aren't -getting my e-mail /even though it's public/ because if you're asking you're -probably going to send me things I don't care about. Medium is much, much -worse. Just get a website and learn HTML. Right-click this page and hit "view -source"! It's not pretty but at least it doesn't ask for your e-mail. - - Discover more from TRINITY'S BLAH - give me e-mail for e-mail purposes! - _____________________________________________ ______ - | | |Submit| - `---------------------------------------------' `------' - - I'm glad to have such strange friends who would probably give me their -e-mail if I had an input box on this page, but maybe that's a testament to how -similarly strange I am. 「ヤバイ」は補足。 - - And now today's the Eve of the New Year. 0319. But I wanted to share -this cool link here: -<https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:SSTV_sunset_audio.ogg> - This is my favorite photo of a sunset. - - -/blah/2022-12-29.html - - One time when I was a kid I woke up with a shit ton of goo on my chest. -It was greenish and watery and when I went downstairs and washed it off I -realized there were three holes etched through my skin to the right of my left -breast, in the shape of an acute triangle if its corners were placed by a -drunkard. I went to the hospital and they said something like the dermal -structure (I could be misremembering this phrase) was gone. I had to, a couple -times a day for the next week, disinfect it with povidone iodine and then apply -an antibiotic so it wouldn't get infected. I still have the scar though it's -blotchy and faded now. - This must have been June or July 2021. In between the changing of the -bandage and house-sitting for a friend I wrote something about the serenity of -being a dog, which I will share if I find, and a paper about the implementation -of and different implementations of POSIX cat(1) which now lives at -<be.murderu.us/unix#posix#cat(1)>. At the time I thought both were good -but now I think neither are. Something to improve I suppose. - My way of writing was popping a can of Moxie, sitting down with a -laptop (my Thinkpad X200 Tablet), and laying down exactly what I thought. -Structure be damned! Little has changed. Occasionally I'd fire up the friend's -new PS5 and play Astro's Playroom, a delightful technical demonstration of the -PS5's hardware and showcase of the DualSense controller which was so good I -ordered one myself that week, even though I didn't have a PlayStation. Sitting -there, a cold can of pop and a hole in my chest and enjoying the bleeding edge -of consumer grade video game technology, I wasn't quite happy, but at least I -was distracted. - - -/blah/2022-12-28.html - - Get up doggy. Please! - - Here's a thesis on which I never elaborated, that I wrote for this -blah. - -2022-12-18 - -; cat drugs.txt - "Drugs are bad" is something I say to myself while I sip my morning -coffee and puff my cigarette, reading the newspaper. Then I go to work and on my -lunch break flag the dealer down on Main Street for crack and tell him my -thoughts on the matter, and he laughs and asks how long I'm gonna be making the -same joke, and oh probably another week or so. Drugs are bad in much the same -way chemicals are bad, and crystals are bad, and molecules are blasphemous, and -faith pays as long as you can still give to the church. - - Another: - -2022-12-19 - - As part of my campaign for the worsening of the world (I'm not allowed -to discuss my sponsors) my next trick will be to poke fun at websites. To me -this "web" is a little service hosted on most websites at port 80 that will -return reading material if I write a neat request in the format of the HyperText -Transport Protocol (or HTTP). Fun! Usually, though, I get a program to automate -this task for me. I like Firefox and Lynx, the latter more than the former -though I use Fx the most. There have been a number of developments to the web I -really don't like: - - Cascading StyleSheets (or CSS). -I remember when I could go into my browser settings and change the text color, -font, and size, and the background color. Now when using Fx I'm at the mercy -of the site designer who usually doesn't share my sensibilities, much less -sense. - - Also not completed. - - I wrote something else that I liked but I don't know where I put it. - - Looking through computer backups makes me very lonely. I'm currently -working on getting rid of most of my stuff - I really don't need much and it's -weighing me down. But the reason I had so much damn stuff was because I was -planning on spending my life with somebody. It's not so bad to be alone but I -wish I had planned for it, or that my plans had worked out a little better. So -it goes... - - At any given moment there are hundreds of accomplishable plots to end -the world. Most are horrifying, some are near-completion, some aren't planned -except in the back of the minds of men, where conscious thought breaks down and -only the God-daemons are left to staff the console. The following four things -strike me as things that are actually worrying: -- TempleOS (reason: [...]) -- blockchains (reason: - From what little I know about the blockchain - - which is really not a lot! - I wonder if it could - become sentient. I wonder if it already is. - Substitute "the blockchain" for your favorite.) - - The sudden growth of memes should worry me but it doesn't because when -I dove into them I found them to be a very effective weapon, and that counter- -attacks aren't too difficult to launch when needed. The main problems to be -solved are automation and timing. - I think the television show "Infowars" was actually just some -convoluted but successful attempt to inoculate a critical mass of "true -believers" (someone should come up with a term that isn't stupid) against -certain ideas. By presenting itself in a way that is just outright silly and -unbelievable except by the most gullible of its potential viewers, it -discredits its ideas and those that repeat them. To say that there is veritable -information warfare, in a way that is very new and very exciting strategically, -would not be at all controversial unless this silly television show called -"Infowars" with a kooky host and fake stories existed that discredits the idea. -To say 5G will be very convenient for law enforcement to find and prosecute or -persecute criminals or alleged criminals (politics may vary) would be to repeat -common knowledge if the stuff of "Infowars"' ilk hadn't already presented 5G as -some heinous conspiracy based not on the potential for geolocation based on -access point connection triangulation (there's probably a better term for this -but I don't draft and edit blahposts) but the idea that harmless radio waves -are some evil wireless mind control plot or whatever. - On a side note, I was tipped off to the wack part of 5G - by someone in [...] back when I was loosely associated but - included in communications. I've seen their claim repeated but - don't have a citation. Empiracally (is that how you spell that?) - though, if you need more 5G towers because the signal isn't - very strong, an accessing device will have to be physically - closer to a given tower, and so finding it will be easier if - you know to what towers it's connected. Presumably cell - providers know this (I don't know a lot about the - nitty-gritties) and provide it to law enforcement - they do - know cell location in 4G and prior technologies. But don't - quote me - look stuff up and double check your damn sources! - Why would Alex Jones give up his life, basically, just to tell some -lies on a television show? Probably, though, he's just rage-drunk and -struggling through withdrawal from slamming his fist on expensive desks. - - I'm mostly an ideas person. I wish I was more of an implementation -person but I'm just not skilled enough yet. つづく - - -/blah/2022-12-27.html - - 20XX refers to the past, not the future, in one fifth of cases. But the -past was pretty futuristic! Dream big, I need my space. - -2022-09-13 - -Slipstream -DTB - Published here under the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial- -NoDerivatives 4.0 International Public License. - They found Amber as some DNA encased in fossilized tree sap when I was -twenty years old. A small networked community speculated that society's problems -were due to our genetic distance from our ancestors. - This was my twenty-second year, for the third or fourth time. I meet -my wife Cassidy for the first time for the fourth time next week. - I go to work. I work at a laboratory, at this time JCN, "where dreams -are made", before it's taken and turned into the National Defense Center, NDC. -I can prevent this by submitting a false, smaller figure for our proposal for -governmental funding – a clerical oversight, no more than an off-by-ten, -changes an official's perception of how "innovative" JCN can be, influences -their and eventually their leader's choice. Yang Electric becomes NDC instead; -another aboriginal creation forced to assimilate. - Someone asks me how my day is going. My day is fine. How is yours? Not -so good, Ada. Carl gets a divorce next January and dies six months after that. -Officially of grief, technically of a gunshot wound. - I leave. Today I worked on a paper I publish next month on hyper --realistic simulation of reality, simulation into which someone could -(inexpensively) be dropped unaware. Even my first time working on this I was so -horrified at what I had created I for the first time and uncomfortably faked -numbers on my paper so nobody would be interested. One could end up perceiving -decades in seconds; trapped in hell or suffocated in heaven. Immersion is only -useful to a certain extent. - I get into my car. 667 River Road. I drive past the animal shelter at -which I worked as a teenager. Unit 5. I knock on the door. - Cassidy's uncle answers. He still has hair, I didn't know he still had -hair now. We're both on the ground in his apartment. I brought a scalpel -thinking it would be enough but I forgot this is only a couple years after Ron -got out of the Navy. He calls me a fucking psychopath and I grunt but say -nothing. JCN still sharpens the scalpels between each use – this changes -because it's overkill, we only really use them for opening boxes even by now. -He's on top of me. All I need is one straight cut but I manage to plunge the -blade into his windpipe. He chokes and coughs blood onto me. It burns like acid. -I stand up and close the door. He's living alone, working at a warehouse, on the -top floor so I don't need to worry about unexpected guests. - I have no prior connection with this corpse. He has dozens of enemies -including the children of the families he separated in the middle-East. I wipe -off the doorknob and my face, put my bandanna back into my pocket, and leave. In -this part of town I'm not worried about anyone describing my car to the police, -not worried about the surveillance because there isn't any yet, at least to the -extent with which I'm familiar. I'm back in my car. I'm staring blankly at the -road. I'm in my driveway. I'm staring blankly at the television. I'm laying in -bed staring at the ceiling. - I'm at work. I'm at home. I'm in bed. I work. I go home. I go to bed. I -meet my wife Cassidy for the first time for the fourth time. Cassidy Malcolm, my -name is Ada Karina. Last night you played the lottery; you always play the date -and truncate off the extra digits. You've never told anybody about how your -childhood hamster ate its babies and you didn't know why. Please have coffee -with me. - When I met her for the first time for the second time she eventually -confessed that she drank coffee, not tea, and that's why she was so hesitant to -meet me that second first time. She switched to tea later. That hesitation made -her meet me after she had already taken the job at the wristwatch company. - She would see her uncle next week and tell him about us if he was still -alive. I think of this as I order us two of her favorite potion, cold brewed -coffee with a pinch of cinnamon. She hasn't had this in months, she tells me for -the fourth time. I apologize for my detachment. I've seen my world crumble again -and again. I'm too far gone, and I'm sorry, and I have to move on. She's talking -to me for the first time for the fourth time and the last time and I'm not -listening. I'm sipping the cold brew and trying to taste the cinnamon, for the -last time. - The NDC euthanized Cassidy via baton. I watched from behind a window -grate in handcuffs as two children in police uniforms beat her until she stopped -moving, and then until she stopped bleeding and then until they were tired. She -slowly splintered into pieces, bending at more and more seams rolling back and -forth on the tile. Her brain chemistry was a single link too far from Amber. - I go home. I sleep. My day is fine. How is yours? To be honest, Ada, -things aren't so great at home. I'm sorry to hear that, Carl. What's wrong? My -wife won't talk to me. I don't know why. She's just slowly gone silent. Maybe -it's me? Have you talked to those close to her? - Typing, clicking. I'm staring at a light bulb, hammering phosphors off -in new familiar patterns. - They found me when they dragged Cassidy's corpse into the acid bath. -They shoved me along a steel hallway and took me to a holding cell with a dozen -other loved of the dead. - During her second final week on Earth Cassidy was rarely awake and less -often lucid. When she wasn't as well Cassidy said she felt like she was being -dissolved. She coughed up blood, lots of it. The doctors asked me if she could -have been exposed to anything that would cause lung cancer. - Ron was a loving uncle, caring brother, and courageous veteran who will -be dearly missed. Service will be held at Lisbon St. Baptist, 8-12, 5pm. -Cassidy's uncle's obituary was brief to stay within the minimum cost from the -paper. My third thirty-fifth year, he shot her in the side of her head. I -tackled him to the ground and beat him until he stopped moving, and then until -he stopped bleeding, and then until I was tired, when I collapsed next to him. -The police came for the noise complaint. - I set up tests for my project. One of the tests checks for whether a -program that only ever returns a zero value returns a true value, which it -doesn't. I pretend to not know what's wrong. My day is fine. How's yours? I- I -don't know, Ada. I'm sorry. - I entered my password into the locking panel on the door. It still -worked. I read digests of all active projects in the laboratory and took note -of one of the room numbers. I loaded both an old program I wrote and a current -program being developed at NDC onto my wristwatch, opened the door, and ran. The -other captives ran too, to a different wing of the building in a greater number. - Cassidy and I found her dog dead in her apartment two weeks after we -met for the first time in my third twenty-second year. Brick was shot with a -rifle. The police came but didn't find the round and the killer left no other -trace. I asked the neighbor across the hall and he said he didn't hear Brick -bark at whomever shot him. - I go home. I go to sleep. I wake up. I go to work. Dials spinning. -Buttons clicking. There's an issue with my database access. I call the -technology information desk. My user was deleted by accident; they adjust my -permissions so my account can't be deleted as part of an automatic process. - I ran into a steel room and threw the lab technician out of his chair -before kicking him in his chin, knocking him out. I entered my old emergency -authorization code into the computer and watched the cathode in the center of -the room start to glow a deep blue. - I publish my paper to no applause as expected. The concept was obviously -impossible with modern technology but its aspiration was noble. - I was in my forty-fifth year on the second floor of JCN. My legs shook -but I managed to walk out and into the outside air, which I didn't think I would -breathe again. I ran to my apartment and waited until I, in my twenty-second -year, the first time, was asleep. I set a code and plugged myself into the -simulation. - I didn't know how long I'd be stranded away from my time so I went to a -park to sleep, but on my way I dissolved back into the NDC, in front of a -glowing cathode. The laboratory technician stared at me. The experiment wasn't -ready! What have I done? - I answered and upon its receipt of the password the universe dissolved. -I watched the technician scream and turn to sand and I woke up in my bed, -twenty-two years old, two blueprints and a handful of vestiges and some -asbestos left in the fire-proof wristwatch next to me, unplugged from my -simulation, my consciousness slipstreamed into the past present day. - - -/blah/2022-12-26.html - - HELL MONTH; the Devil's date of AUGUST when the sun is ceasing its -scorch but the torch still lights the logs under one's feet; where there is no -sleep, no love, no TOBACCO - only PAIN! When, somehow, the torture of preparing -for another haunt September doesn't end up tearing your bones from your sockets -but STILL TRIES; when you lose every fight you pick and every punch and kick -rips into you like a beast in itself; when there is no time, no food, and no -CAFFEINE; 8月にあれ場所で私は私自身を見つました。 - In August, that place, I found myself. I would like to never see -myself there again. - -; ls -l | grep Aug --rw-r--r-- 1 trinity users 21945 Aug 11 18:23 [...] resignation.odt --rw-r--r-- 1 trinity users 306687 Aug 18 09:30 RTy2cq5QVR4T2ZLR.mp4 --rw-r--r-- 1 trinity users 1466136576 Aug 30 2021 The Rocky Horror Pictu... --rw-r--r-- 1 trinity users 35717 Aug 2 15:00 identification.jpg --rw-r--r-- 1 trinity users 35 Aug 29 22:04 irc -drwxr-xr-x 8 trinity users 512 Aug 23 19:40 plpbt-5.0.15 --rw-r--r-- 1 trinity users 2767349 Aug 23 19:40 plpbt-5.0.15.zip --rw-r--r-- 1 trinity users 0 Aug 31 09:34 site.tar.gz --rw-r--r-- 1 trinity users 36152 Aug 7 20:59 slipstream.pdf -; cd Pictures -; ls | grep Aug -; - -2022-08-06 -[9:12 PM] trinity: finished the first draft of my short story -[9:12 PM] trinity: 2.5 pages -[9:13 PM] trinity: it's kind of dense -[9:13 PM] trinity: [...]'s been reading it for ten minutes -[9:13 PM] trinity: can't tell if that's good or bad - -2022-08-12 -To: [...]; and whomever else this may concern -From: Trinity Blake -Date: 2022-08-12 -Subject: Two week resignation notice from position as [...] - -[...] - - Please accept this as my formal resignation from my position[...]. -2022 August 26 will be my last day of work. I will be moving away from [...] -and it will be infeasible for me to travel to [...] to work whether by foot or -by automobile. - I am grateful for my generous and much appreciated recent raise in pay -per hour from $14 to $15 [...]. My decision is not affected by money and -unfortunately was already in planning when I received that raise. I am also -grateful for your support and training. I learned many things during my time -here and will treasure most the ability to [...] and the development of my -ability to multitask [...]. My further career will not be in [...] but I look -forward to applying these lessons elsewhere. - I will be leaving [...] to [...]. I would prefer to be able to tell -[...] about my resignation myself but I do understand word travels fast. Again, -thank you for this opportunity and experience. - - Trinity BLAKE - 2022-08-12 - -2022-08-24 -[7:44 AM] trinity: had a dream we were [...] instead of [...] -[7:44 AM] trinity: [...] was a [...] and some other people -[7:45 AM] trinity: everything else was the same. you were monologging about how - [...] had changed. it was [...] -[7:46 AM] trinity: i went [...] and [...] went by me and said hey guys north - korea wants to know if we can put dog on pizza? - -2022-08-25 -[9:05 PM] trinity: i've developed skills i never want to use again -[...] -[9:15 PM] trinity: i feel like if i try to describe my mental state it's - extremely alarming so i'm just gonna say i'm [...]maxed and - [...]pilled and i need to go back to [...] immediately - - -/blah/2022-12-23.html - - TRINITY STARTER PACK - >fucking hates her job - >UNIX - >hates computers; knows more about computers than anything else - >"oh, no, i could never use android or ios" - >分かりますか? - >no social media; no social life - >constantly quotes obscure internet memes; hates memes - >allergic to brands and advertising - >manic pixie dream girl; not manic, never dreams - >will tell you why she doesn't like rust - - -/blah/2022-12-22.html - - 6 2s. Nice. - I'm gonna start taking the logos off everything I use. My room is -contaminated by Toshiba, Carhart, Dove, Anker, Pine64, Ziploc, iFixit, et -cetera. It's overwhelming and exhausting. Good pants are good pants, no matter -the maker. My backpack is just A Backpack. Brand loyalty is neopatriotism. - This morning while getting ready for work I dropped my backpack which -contained an uncovered Gilette cartridge razor, which shaved off my fingertip. -Ouch. I suddenly was bleeding without knowing why so I duct taped some cotton -on it (I'm out of gauze because I'm accident prone and simultaneously -forgetful) and finished getting ready, then when I got to work put on five -sticky bandages (off-brand Band-Aids) and taped them on for good measure. When -in Rome. I told my co-workers I slipped in the shower which made more sense -than my dumb ass having an uncovered razor in my backpack. Get a holder, get a -protector, whatever, don't do what I did. - - -/blah/2022-12-20.html - - I started studying Japanese again because WSJ and others from /g/bpg/ -are doing it. Went though ~300 JLPT N5 Anki cards today to refresh the stuff I -hadn't touched in a while. - I caved and have started (ab)using caffeine again as of last Saturday -(today is Tuesday. Do the math). Sigh... - - Here's a blog post I wrote for tebibyte.media/blog: -2022-12-15 - -+++ -title = "i hate smart phone" -date = "2022-12-15" -description = "some thoughts regarding the twenty first century" -license = "[UNLICENSE](https://unlicense.org/)" - -[taxonomies] -author = ["DTB"] -tags = ["opinion", "philosophy"] -+++ - - I hate smart phones with a burning passion that has caused my weak -willed hands to give up three to various bodies of water including a puddle -outside a mechanic's and a pond to which I walked through the forest. I don't -regret my actions except that I haven't killed more digital beasts. - My own current phone (until it too meets the fate of its brethren) is a -PINE64 PinePhone running postmarketOS, a Linux distribution intended to keep -good-enough smart phones running well past the expiration date on the box (or -on the manufacturer's website). Technically, though I bet most people don't -care, it's a security hazard to have an out-of-date smart phone; your banking, -personal, medical information is on there and it doesn't take too long to get -it out. Look at NSO Group and other wretched sub-scum that have evolved out of -leech law enforcement's taxpayer-funded searches of people's smart devices, -that made money because their product was good, because they could take the -data out of your cell phone like the mind flayer sucks at your brain, like Coca -Cola through a straw. Who even needs a crime scene indexed when you've Googled -"How do I kill my rapist?", when GPS and cell tower logs show you were the only -one at the scene of the crime, and when your slow descent into hell is -chronicled in your Camera Roll, and when Samsung stopped updating your phone a -year ago so all the police need to do is plug the black mirror into their -stylish plastic suitcase? The journalist documenting the dictatorship is -booking an airplane trip into a death trap if they forgot to make sure the -little version number in a menu in a menu in an app in the bottom right corner -of their home screen is high enough. I'm happy with postmarketOS's very regular -updates which are for now preventing my pocket gizmo's eternal submersion. - Why the hell are we keeping all our shit on a piece of glass? I -wouldn't trust my best friend with my nudes, why am I dumping them into a -device someone else made that I don't understand? What happened to paper? What -happened to Polaroids, to CDs, to e-mail and hard copies and for the love of -Allah what happened to cash? The PinePhone is slightly better for this. I can -call a dude that works on my phone's operating system ("Who are you? How did -you get this number?") and ask any questions I want ("It's 3:00 AM. I'm turning -my phone off.") or post in a forum and usually get an answer about what's safe -and what features will turn me into a gecko (usually Find My, sometimes -Auto Rotate). I don't even know how normal people deal with bugs in the system -or ghosts in the machine. I asked a friend. "Usually I just ask you." When you -run the "normal" phone operating systems, Android or iOS, you can't run your -own apps, which doesn't matter if all you do is TikTok and Instagram but I like -to solve my own problems which I'm forbidden to do unless I spend $2000 on a -MacBook and $100 on an Xcode license. That's iOS. Android development is free -but so godawfully slow and painful that I would probably rather be waterboarded -by someone in a clown costume, and even though you can run your own apps on -there you still can't take control of your phone by becoming system -administrator like on a normal Linux or Windows installation. You have to -"jailbreak" (iOS) or "root" (Android) your phone to have full control over it. -Why am I paying for a jail? Why am I storing all my stuff in a prison? Again, -postmarketOS is yours to control from the outset, not hiding any functionality -behind a subscription or preventing you from using your device however you want -(for better or for worse). postmarketOS supports full disk encryption with -Linux Unified Key Setup, the cutting edge of the file security field. It's very -nice. - But phones still suck, even my PinePhone, which is the best one I've -found. "There's an app for that" but it isn't available for my phone and no I -cannot fucking download your app, Dunkin' Donuts, to get that free coffee every -Thursday or whatever. God forbid I have to take money out of my savings account -like I do every once in a while because my shit job has miserable pay. I can -either use the app my bank publishes (only for Android and iOS, of course) or -go to an ATM, pay for the privilege, and hope I only have to use it two more -times that day because my bank limits ATM transactions because they were -targeted by hackers probably because their phones weren't updated. At this -point I just keep cash with me which is great except for the places that don't -take cash and instead take poker chips, ahem, numbers on a piece of plastic. -In this day and age having no social media means having no friends, which I -honestly do enjoy after the lengthy withdrawal because it's serene not having -to check everyone's Instagram story (else miss out on the Next New Thing) or -Facebook wall (else miss out on the Next New Gathering) or what have you. It is -for me worth having nothing to miss in exchange for never having that gnawing -fear of missing. I still have my phone number and on paper I have plenty of -friends in person who never call, never e-mail, never stop by, because they've -forgotten what life is like outside the app. Which I can live with, which is -unreasonable for any non-crazy person. But forgoing this rotten post-Capitalist -world of ad-soaked shitware takes a financial toll. How do you live on minimum -wage? Discounts. Download the Dunkin' Donuts app. Download the Starbucks app. -Even a god damn Home Depot app. I'm a Luddite for rejecting the last ten years -of technology? They say not having Android or iOS is self-torture but even -spending a little more of the little I have and taking a little more time of my -little left to engage with the analog pleasures of the world is in my mind much -more tolerable than the endless thoughtless suffering of the digital era and -casino-floor news cattle feed and disintegration of person from world. So I -suppose if I'm broke, I'm broke by choice, but it's a choice I never felt -comfortable making. - Better the screen in the puddle than my head under the water. Reason -died with the atom bomb. - - -/blah/2022-11-29.html - - I think around the time of the last blah post I quit caffeine. I abused -the hell out of caffeine, I think more than all except a couple businessmen who -turned to the vegan alternative to cocaine, so let that be a cautionary tale - -four or five Monsters a day was my intake, or around 0.5g caffeine spread -across the day, intermittently over - -- holy shit, kingpossum radio is playing Ghost by nelward. kingpossum radio - KICKS ASS!!!! - -five or seven years or so, and i'm gonna be recovering from that for a little -while. My memory's really, really bad currently. - Anyway I figured I'd do a little day in the life of Trinity tale. This -one's just describing a typical day but most of my days are weird and have some -complication that I have to deal with. - -0750 casio f91w goes off. i hit it. i'm sleeping on the floor in a sleeping - bag with a pillow. i take my medication and spend an hour or two - reading random internet and web journals -1000 i go to work -1100 i get to work -1630 i have my break. i spend it reading random internet and web journals, - or maybe soldering together something that has broken -1700 back to work -1900 i'm out of work. i spend an hour or two there reading random internet - and web journals, or maybe soldering, or maybe programming or writing -2100 i walk home. maybe on the way i meet some nice people. hopefully pet - their doggies if they have doggies -2200 i get home probably. i write some stuff -2300 i go to sleep (hopefully) -0100 i go to sleep (probably) - - I got my Pinephone back up and running the day after the last blah post -so I do have a phone again. It's kind of janky though. - - -/blah/2022-11-12.html - - I don't remember anything from the last week or so including that last -blahpast so let's start from this morning which I do remember. I remember -waking up to my alarm's fourth or fifth ringing after having hit Snooze three -or four times, I remember going to the bathroom, I remember washing my hands, -and then I remember looking over and seeing the toilet backed up and all of -the drain's contents spewing out over the lid. - After calling my boss and informing them I would be late to work (Hey, -Boss, I'm gonna be late to work today, the toilet's fucken backed up or -something. Hi Trinity this is the second time you've called us instead of your -new job.) I cleaned it all up and did the laundry with my piss clothes and the -piss towels that had soaked up the piss. Then, upon changing it from the washer -to the dryer, I found my phone. - So I have no phone now. Life's a bitch. - - -/blah/2022-11-05.html - - You can walk into walk-in freezers and just scream at the top of your -lungs and nobody can hear you. It's common practice. - - -/blah/2022-11-01.html - - Georgio handed me a stack of Benjamins. "Count them." - I did. Five thousand yuu-ess-dee. - "We'll never speak of this again." And so we didn't. I walked over to -the gas station and bought a Twinkie for zero point one per cent (five yuu-ess --dee) of one man's life, and then hailed a cab for which I payed zero point two -per cent (ten dollars) of one man's life, or you could say one man's life is -worth five hundred taxi rides, or a thousand Twinkies, or you could say Harry -died so I could eat a Twinkie and ride this taxi and smoke this cigarette and -do this all without the cloud of debt hanging over me, clawing at my shoulders, -digging at my thoughts, eating at my brain. - When I got to my apartment, or room, I should say, it being one -singular room with some cubicle dividers up for the toilet in the corner, that -houses myself, my wife, and our two kids, products of a poor education and even -poorer knowledge of birth control, and teenagers who didn't know what they were -doing in the back of a car one night, and my Twinkie wrapper, which I threw -away, but which my wife still saw, my wife hit me with an open palm, swore at -me, told me how could I, kill an innocent man for a Twinkie and a cigarette, -forgetting the car ride and our childrens' full bellies. - I've forgotten the meaning of life, or, a life, besides a number, five -thousand yuu-ess-dee, 5000USD, a box on a spreadsheet on my bank record next to -a box marked "Inheritance". A life is, to my wife, worth a lifetime, of -memories of Christmases and New Years and Thanksgivings and birthdays, of kind -words and kind gifts and long hours at the mill, worth more than any finite, -tangible amount of money, somehow, forgetting the car ride and our childrens' -full bellies. - - I wonder if I'll remember the pattern the tiles make on the floor of -the bathroom at my workplace. Distinct yet unimportant. - - I went to a clinic today and got free Narcan, which is pretty swag, but -I don't know how to administer it, so that's not pretty swag. But they're -sending me instructions so that'll be groovy as fuck. - - I'm developing a fairly sharp wit which is pretty cool because my -comeback game is as the kids say lit AF; literally and financially [awesome]. - - One of the Monster Cereals makes your poop blue, but I don't know -which. Maybe all of them? - - -/blah/2022-10-31.html - - I've decided today I'm gonna try all of the currently available Monster -Cereals from General Mills, Count Chocula, Franken Berry, and Boo Berry, in a -single day, this Halloween. I couldn't find Fruit Brute even though it was -supposedly re-launched this year and according to Wikipedia Fruity Mummy Yummy -hasn't been available since 2014, so that's something for 2024 I suppose. - Franken Berry, my breakfast today, was alright. It's fruity -marshmallows with fruity grain cereal, sort of like a fruity version of Lucky -Charms. I had it with skim milk which I prefer to the previous time I had it -when I had it dry. I would prefer Cap'n Crunch, my favorite uber-sugary cereal, -or Wheaties, my favorite breakfast cereal in general, but it was fine and if I -were 8 years old I'd definitely enjoy it as much as any other breakfast cereal. - It's worth noting that prior to my 2200-hour bowl of Cinnamon Toast -Crunch a month or so ago I hadn't had breakfast cereal with or without milk -since around 2019, so my tastes have been reset towards ramen and pizza (I'm -not a particularly wealthy individual). I did consume probably a couple -freighters' worth of breakfast cereal when I was a lass, particularly the -supermarket's version of Coco Pebbles (Coco Dino Bites, I think?) which left -the milk a thick chocolaty mess when finished the solid bits which gave 14 year -old Trinity the sugar she needed to not fall asleep in math class, but as I got -older I stopped having breakfast because I didn't need it, I needed to lose -weight, and it saved me some money I could instead spend on cocaine and -hookers. - - I have now had the Count Chocula for lunch. My stomach has begun to -ache. The milk was rendered into chocolate by the time I was done with my two -bowls, which was sick as fuck and quite enjoyable, but the milk is pummelling -my pitiful soygirl stomach which cannot handle this monster lactose. I fear I -shall die. This goal of mine, my dragon, will be slain, and Halloween 2022 and -its great street cred will be in mine hands. - In other news, I went to the bank to get some cash, and I think the -teller thought I was a crazy person (to be fair, I am, but usually I pass as -sane pretty well) because I don't know how banks work and I just wanted 200USD -cash. - - Today I learned BBL = brazilian butt lift. - - I hasten to finish this blah post, to commit before November arrives. -My goal of consuming all three available General Mills Monster Cereals was a -success, though at what cost time will tell. My veins are glucose, my lungs -take and give a bitter sweet sugary air. Possibly tomorrow I'll have developed -type II diabetes, if not the simple affliction of death due to ketoacidosis. A -fate dealt by a worthy opponent - breakfast cereal. - Boo Berry was pretty good, I think the best. - - -/blah/2022-10-30.html - - THIS SICKLY SWEET CANDY - MAY ROT YOUR TEETH! - THE MORE YOU CONSUME, - THE LESS YOU'LL EVER EAT! - GUESS HOW MANY KERNELS - CAN FIT IN THIS CONTAINER, - AND TAKE IT ALL HOME. - EAT IT ALL LATER! - - ^ - `- A candy corn guessing game slogan I wrote. - - -/blah/2022-10-29.html - - Halloween season begins! I was gonna sneak into some college parties -but instead I stayed home to be comfy in bed because I'm 2tired2party. And you -know what? Damn right. Word. - - -/blah/2022-10-28.html - - I'm cold !!! - - I wanna be w a r m !!! - - how crackheads be bloggn oh what up CHECK THIS OUT NFT PROJECT ELON -MUSK FUCK YEAH!!! REDDIT.COM 4CHAN SOYJACK GREENTEXT COPE SEETHE BASED CRINGE - - ############################### - # # # # # #|libwawy|# # # # # # - # # # # # |of alek| # # # # # - # # # # # |zandwia| # # # # # - # # # # # |pwease | # # # # # - # # # # # | dont | # # # # # - # # # # # #| buwn |# # # # # # - ############################### - - I am 97.7F but idk what that is in normal is that cold????????????????? - - ewon musk owns twittew uwu teswa caw man vwoom vwoom tweet tweet - - - -/blah/2022-10-27.html - - psychological pay decline - - 8:00 snooze 8:15 snooze 8:30 snooze 8:45 snooze 9:00 snooze 9:15 time -to wake up. I got dressed, took a shower, and walked to work. A much simpler -time. - "Seven hundred dollars. That's how much it cost for a tank of oil." The -taxi driver today was talking about the economy, I think. "It's gonna be a hard -winter." The lights dance on the dashboard in the still night and the wind -whistles in the window and I spend most of my time in the cab mentally -rehearsing my interaction with the chemist at the pharmacy. "I'd like to pick -up a prescription." "I'd like to pick up a prescription." Really nail down that -line. - Yesterday I got a partial fill which got me through this morning. Every -time I go to the pharmacy there's some sort of catch, some sort of issue that -means I have to call someone and sort something out. This one was particularly -bad in that the prescription was actually nixed because of the insurance and I -had to get a new one, and they sent it to the wrong place. All this for two -weeks' worth of a substance that isn't scheduled, doesn't really have any ab --usage, and is fairly common. It's such a hassle. - I got some energy drinks and energy bars at the supermarket and had a -dinner in a lawn outside before walking home. Now I get to go to sleep and do -it all over again. - -2022-09-30 - - [notes from the voice recorder] - - [20:53] Cap'n lo-. Cap'n- cap- cap- cap'n's log. Cap'n's log? Cap [sigh] -cap'n's log. Mmm. Whatever. Trinity's log. Uh, heh, like, log, like [redacted] -um Trinity's notes okay Trinity's notes um, what day is it today? September -*pause* twenty, 2022 September 30. Um, [sigh], been moshing and other things -this month. Don't really remember much of it. - [20:54] But whatever it was, it was vibey. It was pretty vibey. Um, -[redacted], that's pretty cool, um, I was gonna, I was gonna do a cool song -idea [here], it- it would be cool for a rap, like, a triplet style rap, like, -okay, like, picture this, like, like, fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin -and fuckin and suckin and suck. Suck. Suckin and fuckin and fuckin and suckin -and suckin and fuckin and fuck. Fuck. Something like that? I don't know. I -don't know if that's already been done before, but that's a thought. - [20:55] Um, I don't know for whom I should vote. It's end of September, -we're getting into October, election happens November. Um, I know not Paul -LePage because Paul LePage is a rat bastard, we kicked him out and he's come -back for more, um, [sigh], I don't know, I don't know who all these goddamn -representatives are, like, uh, Jared Golden, thought he was pretty cool, -apparently he's done some bad stuff. Eric Brakey is a silly, silly man, but I -love the silliness but he might actually do something stupid, like, he's -normally very stupid, but he might do something fucking idiotic - [20:56] like they're trying to get rid of gay marriage or something? -Um, abortion, yeah. Dog! Dog! Doooooog! Why don't people do what they wanna do. -Like, shit's a bundle of cells. Who gives a shit. That's my opinion on the -matter. Um, [sigh], I've been listening to various metal, non-metal music. I've -gotta get my laptop set up to draw again, but my digitizer is broken because I -dropped my laptop so I need to get a new screen, I think uh, I think an eBay -auction I'm in I'm gonna win, so, that'll get me another screen and I can just -drop it in. Um, that's good. - [20:57] Uh, let's see what else, I don't know, that's pretty much how -things are going right now. This is a cool voice journal entry. Not much to it. -Um, it's late right now, it's like nine, eight or nine P.M., yeah, 2100 hours. -Almost onto that. Oh, ambulance. I thought ambulances used their sirens at -night. Well apparently they don't, they just put their flashers on, I always -wondered about that. I don't think I've ever seen an ambulance at night before. -No, I have, um. - [20:58] [redacted] heh, like the Kate Bush song. Um, I don't really -know why Kate Bush is popular again, but uh, it's pretty cool. Kate Bush is -really cool. - [20:59] Um, let's see. [sniff] I should - I should give my thoughts on -various things. Um, smoking is cool, but, like, I'm trying not to smoke because -it always makes me break out. I get, like, a shit ton of acne, whenever I smoke -a cigarette. Um, but, it is nice, it's something to do. I don't know, I think -all those people who are like "oh no, don't smoke cigarettes, they're, they're -incredibly dangerous, they're gonna kill us all", like, dawg, you can have one -or two cigarettes, and you'll survive. Um, I had like one cigarette, and I was -like yeah, this is pretty cool, but it's - it's a really expensive hobby. - [21:00] [redacted] but uh, marijuana sounds interesting. Alcohol, -boring, only losers drink, I lose respect for people pretty fast when they -start drinking, like dude, chill out, like, alcohol is just kinda a turn-off in -general. [horns blaring] What's something heavier? Oh damn. - [21:01] Um, methamphetamine, um, I dunno, seems pretty cool, I watched -the entirety of Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul, which recently ended, um, -it always makes me break out. I get, like, a shit ton of acne, whenever I smoke -a cigarette. Um, but, it is nice, it's something to do. I don't know, I think -all those people who are like "oh no, don't smoke cigarettes, they're, they're -incredibly dangerous, they're gonna kill us all", like, dawg, you can have one -or two cigarettes, and you'll survive. Um, I had like one cigarette, and I was -like yeah, this is pretty cool, but it's - it's a really expensive hobby. - [21:00] [redacted] but uh, marijuana sounds interesting. Alcohol, -boring, only losers drink, I lose respect for people pretty fast when they -start drinking, like dude, chill out, like, alcohol is just kinda a turn-off in -general. [horns blaring] What's something heavier? Oh damn. - [21:01] Um, methamphetamine, um, I dunno, seems pretty cool, I watched -the entirety of Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul, which recently ended, um, -and judging by that I would say meth seems like something that someone could -do, and it would probably mess them up a little bit, but I dunno, um, [sigh], I -dunno, I don't really judge people who go for hard stuff, like, you know, if -you wanna try- if you wanna try something, if you wanna party, it's cool. It's -good to wanna try new things. [sigh] [redacted] - - Alright I'm done transcribing this shit. - - -/blah/2022-10-26.html - - my illogical day off-line - - 6:45 snooze 6:50 snooze 7:00 snooze 7:15 time to wake up. I got -dressed, grabbed some goodies for my co-workers (I'm giving most of my stuff -away - downsizing drastically), and walked over to the supermarket at which is -the pharmacy where I get my prescription, which took about forty minutes. - My prescription had expired and my new prescription wasn't in the -system yet. I took a cab over to work (I would have walked but I'd just spent -about an hour determining I had wasted said hour, so in the interest of my time -I decided to shorten the following journey) and napped until my shift. - When I got out of work (1900) I went to the bathroom (seven minutes; -1907), called a cab (twenty minute wait; 1927), got over to the pharmacy again -(fifteen minute journey; 1947), and got my prescription, by which time it was -seven fifty-five P.M. Thus it took two hours. Why am I busy all the time? - I can't even blame my low pay on the person that runs my workplace, who -can barely afford to stay in their living quarters. But it's disheartening that -I work eight hours a day, five days a week, and there's no way in hell I can -afford a house of any size and very little chance I'll ever be able to own my -own home. - If you agree with me and still like Capitalism you are making my -situation worse and I hope you eat flaming death. Capitalists belive obviously -the current situation is bad; let's make it worse. - I'm too poor for rational thought. In the cab over to the pharmacy -someone else getting a ride pissed in the front seat. Pissed themself, right -there in the cab. They left and the driver put a t-shirt on the seat. - - -/blah/2022-10-25.html - - i am logical, if not for time - - In C conditional logic is usually expressed in if statements. The very -narrow textbook example of this is thus: - -if (condition) { - do_something(); -} else { - do_another_thing(); -} - - I don't like this. There are a couple of supposed truths within this -example that are false: - - brackets are necessary for the if statement body (they aren't) - - ifs are the only way to perform conditional logic in C (they aren't) - this may not be stated outright in the example, but it's implicit in - that it's the only way textbooks will show much logic - - This "blah" doesn't exist to express solid facts, just my loose and -flimsy opinions and experiences. - - Here are four ways to do something in C that are each functionally -identical to each other: - -bool aisfive(bool c, int *a) { - if (c == 1) { - *a = 5; - } else { - *a = 6; - } - - return a; -} - -bool aisfive(bool c, int *a) { - if(c) - *a = 5; - else - *a = 6; - - return a; -} - -bool aisfive(bool c, int *a) { - *a = c ? 5 : 6; - - return a; -} - -bool aisfive(bool c, int *a) { - *a = 5 + !c; - - return a; -} - - I prefer the bottom-most example but the difference won't matter to a -good compiler. To me, algebraic expression is just as good as if-else -expression. But I'm an Internet crank that's still programming in C. - - -/blah/2022-10-24.html - - i will twerk now, get in the conga line - - This keyboard is very broken. I have a Thinkpad X200 Tablet with a -Japanese keyboard because I'm still not used to the ANSI layout of most -American keyboards and it's missing three keys now; 'n', 'j', and ']'. All of -which I am now very good at hitting dead center to get the contact. This -keyboard put in very good service; all of the keys are worn and shiny now and -many have weird issues sometimes where they won't quite type so I have to wack -them in order to get them to work again like I'm Chris Brown getting my wife to -listen to me. Fuck Chris Brown! Fuck me! I don't wanna replace it but I guess -I'm gonna live the ANSI dream for a little while. - I've been redesigning this home page. I want the same information but -in a more compact format. We'll see how it goes. - - -/blah/2022-10-22.html - - i will work now. not in the thirty first's time - - I AM NOT WORKING ON HALLOWEEN. THEY CANNOT MAKE ME. LAST TIME I WORKED -ON HALLOWEEN I WORKED THIRTEEN HOURS STRAIGHT AT $13/HR AND THERE WERE TWO -FIRES AND I HAD TO SLEEP ON THE FLOOR AND THE SHOWER ONLY HAD COLD WATER AND I -DIDN'T HAVE A COSTUME AND MY AT THE TIME ARCH ENEMY TRACKED ME DOWN AND TRIED -TO HIT ME WITH THEIR CAR AS I WAS LEAVING WORK. - NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER AGAIN -!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! -...EVER. - -ok im calm now - - JUST KIDDING I WILL NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN -NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER - -i could have frozen to death on my walk home i could have gotten hit by that -car i could have caught fire or been burned or electrocuted or inhaled too much -lead vapor or drank the tap water or seen the sun or worn the wrong shoes or - -AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN -NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER - -again saw the evil BAT MAN who stalks our city in the night and swoops down and - -NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER -AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN - -alright im tired i go sleep now. - - Just to be clear, I'm NOT working Halloween. - - -/blah/2022-09-15.html - - a friend meows. nuns think the key is divine - - Blah blah blah. - - -/blah/2022-09-09.html - - End cows; unthink the fleet of bovine - - Yesterday was a good day because the Queen of England died. I had -nothing to do with it. I also saw My Chemical Romance in concert which was -cool and harrassed the Jehovan Witnesses who were slinging bible pamphlets on -the street. Bore dealers. I have a hard time tolerating Jesus people, -especially when they take that stuff out in public or force it on children. -This joke is going to prevent me from becoming Governor or something in 20 -years. I be Governin dat ass biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch. - css/ is broken. I don't know why. Don't bug me about it. I'll fix it -when Firefox stops crashing. I do everything in Lynx nowadays. - - -/blah/2022-08-31.html - - And now, something completely different - - I have done much between today and last time I wrote a blah post (blah, -blah blah) but I don't care to talk about any of it so I'm gonna talk instead -about something else I did between today and last time I wrote a blah post -(blah blah, blah) which is migrate trinity.moe away from GitHub Pages -(Neocities made by Capitalists) to Sourcehut Pages (catchphrase: "Don't be -evil, yet"). GitHub has been taken prisoner by Microsoft (Uber for software -vulnerabilities) and is now siphoning off user data to feed the ravenous -monster that is GitHub CoPilot (Uber for copyright violations). In the -meanwhile I am compulsively making parenthetical statements (I am being held at -gunpoint). - GitHub's interface is somewhere between Facebook and Microsoft Windows -1998 in that it's entirely useable but if you try to do what you actually want -to do it'll fight you the whole way. This is totally awesome if you're a -masochist but meant I had to verify with a phone number out in the middle of -nowhere where there's barely any cell service in order to delete my migrated -repositories ergo I had to stand in the middle of a field waving my cell phone -around like a crazed millenial who needs to capture this memory in order to -shove it into the eyes of whoever made the mistake of following them on -Instagram. In the meanwhile I am also compulsively making run-on sentences (and -parenthetical statements). I remember back when "two factor authentication" was -your username (different on every platform; depends on mood at registration) -and your password (the same everywhere, usually "lolcatz420"). Now usually the -username and password are the same on everything which makes breaking into my -friends' Instagram accounts to delete the pictures with myself in them a lot -easier but you need to verify this all with cell phones which makes me very -frustrated when I'm in the middle of a field stealing Circle K's WiFi. Not to -mention I have to type in the whole repository name (try typing -`devenblake/my_awesome_homepage` in direct sunlight on the first try without -making a mistake) in order to say yes, truly, I want to delete this thing, -like it thinks I'm some sad drunkard who's about to eat a bullet because I bet -my life savings on a failed axe throwing tournament (no, actually I'm just -making parenthetical statements). - SourceHut's interface in comparison is much more spartan. I prefer it -because it makes it harder for people to find my stuff (I hate it when people -find my stuff) but people trying to find my stuff say they don't like it. -However the build system is awesome. I can just put `.build.yml` in my git -repository and it runs whatever commands I want before gzipping the site and -deploying it to SourceHut Pages. With this newfound "standard practice for web -hosting" I'm slowly rewriting all the pages on this site in m4 to try to ease -up on repeated code. So far the m4 generation is pretty good and looks -identical to when I hand-typed everything (my index.html was 15KB and I wrote -every byte!). I've toyed around with site generation before but on GitHub I -couldn't have any sort of build process except on my own machine (manually) and -I vomit whenever I'm forced to run JavaScript to load a page. I've -defenestrated (my Latin teacher taught me that word) four computers so far and -unfortunately this latest trend of shitty "corporate [soulless] minimalism" is -threatening computer number five. - m4 is nice, the build system is nice, everything's in Makefile (as it -should be) so things are all nice and UNIXy and everyone's happy (everyone that -matters, at least, which is a set that includes only me). Life is good. Except -I can't get cell signal and I need to call my bookie because on MDMA I had a -vision that the Seahawks win the World Series. Of course, I've never done MDMA. -This was just that wild of a hallucination so it certainly will come true. - This site is HTTP/S (Uber for encryption) now because SourceHut demands -it and I got rid of /zelda.sh (Uber for `rm -rf /`) because Drew DeVault said I -can't have it on my site. -[11:18] trinity: is http://www.trinity.moe/#zelda against the ToS? it does an - rm -r /* -[11:18] trinity: it's a catch to see who will blindly curl http://whatever | - sudo sh -[11:19] trinity: i suppose if i have to ask then probably... -[11:20] ddevault: yeah that's not nice -[11:20] ddevault: please remove it - - Which is fine. curl https://trinity.moe/zelda.sh | sudo sh for a -surprise (your system will survive, or this site will promptly go off-line). - I don't have anything else to write. This month was hell! - - -/blah/2022-07-06.html - - Duo, most lingual - - I today managed to bring my Duolingo "streak" (being a marker of how -many days in a row I've used the app) to 14 - two whole weeks. Duolingo is -proprietary software and not even very good for accurate language learning but -I enjoy it. - - I have a new phone: the Punkt MP-02. I purchased it from monado for -$180 with shipping which is a good deal on the manufacturer price of $379 -(seriously). I couldn't recommend this phone to anyone. - The "Pigeon" Signal messenger client, which is a direct fork of -SignalApp's official Android app, is a poor experience that so far has been -unuseable for me and is far out of date from the current application. You can -see for yourself the source code for Pigeon, which legally has to be provided -by Punkt as requested as per the terms of the GNU Public License under which -the original Signal app is allowed to be modified and distributed. Six git -commits change a hundred thousand lines of code put together and the commit -names aren't really relevant to the changes - which makes me think this was a -hasty legal compliance rather than any actual development of Pigeon in the -open. This repository is available here: - <https://github.com/Punkt-Tronics-AG/Pigeon> - I planned to modify the client to make it work for my uses but learned -this phone uses Android (based on the Android "Open-Source" Project) which is -based on archaic Java technology, and indeed Pigeon is written in Java. Setting -up the build environment isn't worth my time - I would just use the official -app but it isn't useable [without modification]. From the official Pigeon -manual, available here: - <https://www.punkt.ch/repofiles/Manuali/MP02/26702-MP02%20-% - 20Pigeon%20User%20Manual%20%28EN%29.pdf> - <https://web.archive.org/web/20220707011516if_/https://www.p - unkt.ch/repofiles/Manuali/MP02/26702-MP02%20-%20Pigeon%20User% - 20Manual%20%28EN%29.pdf> -(I took the liberty of adding actual hyperlinks because the URLs are so long - they wrap lines. The Internet Archive link is there because I expect Punkt to - eventually get rid of and bury Pigeon when they're embarrassed enough.) - ->When the request is received by Signal, there may ->be a requirement to negotiate a 'Captcha' test in ->order to demonstrate that it is a bona fide ->registration attempt. The test requires the ->registrant to select from a range of images, ->according to a specific instruction. Use the 2, 4, 6 ->and 8 numerical keys to a) locate all the images ->that have been sent (not all will be visible on the ->screen at once) and b) highlight an individual ->image so that it can be selected by pressing the ->Punkt. key (or the 5 key). If the images fail to load, ->press the 0 key to refresh. (This can also be done if ->a 4x4 image test is loading; there is a possibility ->that the replacement will be the easier 3x3 format.) ->When all the required images have been selected, ->press the 6 and 8 keys to move down to highlight ->what may either be 'Verify' or 'Continue' ->(depending on which version of the Captcha test ->has been sent) and press the Punkt. key - -This is verbatim from page 7 (item 6 in "Installing the software and -registering with Signal"). In practice the items are not highlighted (so you -have to remember where your cursor is - hopefully your keypad keys are -responsive, which is an uncommon but recurring issue with many of the phones) -and maybe half of the images show up because the phone doesn't have enough -memory. So getting through Google's ReCAPTCHA requires a lot of effort and -usually at least three tries. - I should know. I've done this half a dozen times trying to use Signal. -Even when I get through it won't even connect to the network! I've given up. -Damn Pigeon and damn Punkt for making this the selling point of their phone. -I have other complaints but I'm going to go to sleep again and save them for -another, grumpier time. - - -/blah/2022-06-30.html - - O, posts unwritten - - I didn't get to finish the other day's blog post because I got busy. To -be continued! - - A million schizophrenic moths, a thousand cognitoviral flames. -Immolation imminent. - - I'm out of isolation as of yesterday. I still have very mild symptoms -but the CDC says I'm okay to be among the other humans so long as I wear a -mask, which I have been doing. - -2022-06-28 - - Now, drug the stricken - - Yesterday I said something along the lines of "oh, I wish drug -companies weren't so secretive about how everything was made" though with a bit -more detail of why I wished that and how I understood things to be. My -understanding was wrong! - <https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK526213/#!po=5.90909> - ^ Here's how to make acetaminophen. - -2022-06-27 - - Noun doth the Wickedness - - Today I'm not doing much of anything. I may install NetBSD on an X300 I -have kicking around for a friend, and I may upgrade my NetBSD on my X200 Tablet -to the latest binary build, and I may clean a little - hopefully I clean more -than a little, actually - but that's about it. - Day #3 since testing positive with COVID-19. I'm still very fortunate -to not have any serious symptoms. My temperature usually sits around 96.9F to -97.5F or so. I always figured the normal temperature was 96-97 but according to -WebMD (a very reliable source, I know) the rule of thumb created by "a German -doctor in the 19th century" (which is the level of detail I've come to expect -from such a reputable source as WebMD) is 98.6F which seems high. - Healthline (another reputable source) says the doctor was Carl -Wunderlich and hyperlinked an actual study from 2019; Normal Body Temperature: -A Systematic Review authored by Ivayla I Geneva, Brian Cuzzo, Tasaduq Fazili, -and Waleed Javaid, which is not only readable by Normal Human Beings but has -loads more and better researched information than what I could describe here. -I encorage anybody interested in the history of our understanding of fever to -read that article, with the following DOI: - <https://doi.org/10.1093/ofid/ofz032> - Anyway, my internal body temperature is usually 36 degrees centigrade, -sometimes up to a degree higher. Geneva et alia concluded the average to be -in the 36-37 ballpark which means I'm just about normal. Of course, because -I've known about my body temperature being slightly cold for a while now, and -because it's such a small difference, and because I have no relevant health -issues, it's very obvious that my being somewhat colder than normal is -completely fine. But now I know it's not even worth bringing up as party -chatter. Oh well! - - The more I learn about NetBSD, the more I like NetBSD. This also goes -for possums and my friend Noah. The more I learn about Wayland, the more I -dislike Wayland. This also goes for Crissy Teigan and Firefox. - - -/blah/2022-06-26.html - - Down with the Dickness - - Dawn of the Dead (2004; dir. Zack Snyder) has Richard Cheese's -performance of Down with the Sickness, a popular rock song, fifty-six minutes -in. Being an existing fan of the Cheese it was cool to see. - I defrosted my fridgerator last night. Turns out that's something you -need to do. I propped it up on a plastic container and used the hair dryer on -it in the shower. Lots of clanging and banging but now it's plugged in and -hopefully running. - I forgot what it was like to adjust to Soylent. Around a year ago I -switched back to a solid diet out of convenience - it's hard to lug around a -bottle or two when I could pop into a convenience store and come out with a -candy bar and a Monster. That was an esophageal spasm ago - something that -feels somewhere between a mild heart attack and being hit by a not mild train. -My stomach got too acid or something after one Monster after having abstained -from caffeine for a little while. So the drawbacks of Soylent are less -noticeable nowadays though I will probably go back to solids when I go back to -work. - I have a Punkt MP-02 coming in the mail eventually from a friend, or -I've been scammed for a couple hundred bucks from a friend, we'll see which is -true in a week or two. I'm looking forward to driving over my iPhone with a -tractor or similarly heavy machinery though sadly it will probably stay in -service as a Spotify + Duolingo appliance. - ---- - -there was an ook and there was an eek -and they clubbed each other for dino meat -wearing tattered clothes, suits and ties, -eating raptor noses and puppy eyes - -one day ook tripped over a paper -filled with runes of a busier time -eek got mad and threw it with anger -into an ocean the color of wine - -ook and eek died together -of swollen armpits and wounds that wouldn't heal -eek whispered to his falling comrade -ook, of a different world, heard only a squeal - --- - -empirical evidence says you're a myth -the physical nothing, the empty, the wisp -you're not of our numbers, we've nothing for you -we've no words to describe you. run or hang in loops - -we've killed all your family, we're tracking your friends -we'll kill them by sunday, for the crime of self defense -you won't get away with being inexpressible -we won't expand our vocabulary - -you are all crucifiable - ---- - - -/blah/2022-06-25.html - - Down with the sickness - - I tested positive for COVID-19 last night so it looks like I'm stuck at -home for the next couple days. Between my Soylent stash (for the end of the -world) and my water stash (for the end of the world) I don't even need to dip -into my savings, so that's nice. - - Yesterday the United States Supreme Court overturned Roe V. Wade, -marking the first time the Court has ever decided to take away Constitutional -rights. Four of the majority were men, joined by one woman, and the dissenting -opinion was written by two women and one man. No Supreme Court justice is under -half a century old. - ---- - -REPORT: JUSTICE ALITO CONSIDERING ADDING EXCEPTION FOR HIS DAUGHTER, WHO IS IN -COLLEGE AND WHOSE LIFE COULD BE 'RUINED' BY MISTAKE - -By TRINITY BLAKE; 2022-05-04 - -WASHINGTON (AP) -- As women across the country fear losing access to safe and -legal abortion, reports are coming in that Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito -is considering making a major exception to the court's decision to overturn -the historic 1973 Roe v. Wade decision legalizing abortion throughout the -United States. - -Justice Alito has reportedly informed an anonymous source that he 'screwed up' -and that though he believes abortion should be illegal, '[his daughter] isn't -like all those [expletive] who will go out and [expletive] and then just roll -up to a clinic and abort a living child'. - -In Alito's reported words, 'Having this child could ruin my daughter's career. -She made one mistake. She isn't like the others!' Alito went on to say that -while doctors who perform abortions are still murderers, '[his daughter] is -different. She just is. I wouldn't expect you to understand.' - -The exception, being called by critics 'Alito's folly', is expected to appear -in Alito's third draft opinion. Alito's second draft opinion broadened the -allowed language to 'better describe' what Alito called 'party idiots who don't -care about human life'. - -This wouldn't be the first time a Supreme Court Justice has added an exception -to a seemingly concrete ruling. In Plessy v. Ferguson the often-overlooked tenth -'diversity' Justice, George Freeman, added an exception to the famous 'separate -but equal' rule; 'While I'm required to like segregation in order to maintain -my position in this Court, I do not want to use the colored bathrooms. Shop- -owners never clean them.' - -The anonymous source also said after Alito drives his daughter home from -Planned Parenthood he plans to continue protesting that same location in his -'special disguise' - sunglasses and a baseball cap. - ---- - - -/blah/2022-06-22.html - - Dangerous ideas - - Perhaps the homelessness problem in the United States would be taken -care of if any domicile not occupied were given to someone who wasn't -previously occupying a domicile. Is it so bad to force a child to share toys -with which they never play? - A mowed lawn resembles a soldier's buzz cut hair. Fine, but I wouldn't -want to date an army man. I would prefer to let the lawn-spiders, the bees and -milkweed, and the butterflies and things like that have a home. - I deleted my /politics page because I learned people actually read it. -Though it loosely reflects my current beliefs, enough that I'm not embarrassed -by it, I'm uncomfortable at the thought of anyone actually caring about what I -believe. Here are the good bits from it: - - I don't hold public office. Don't fret about my beliefs, they probably - won't ever affect you. - - BITCHUTE - - I tried to swap from YouTube to this site back in 2019(? maybe 2020). - The site administration has let it get infested with right-wing - puppets and various other muck. Plus all my favorite channels - left. So I can't really recommend it. Looks like everyone's - using PeerTube now, my only concern with that is data - resiliency - can hobbyists keep their instances going with the - same dependability as YouTube? - - CEREAL - - The milk goes after the cereal into the bowl. - Corn flakes aren't that bad, despite their origins. - Cereal with coffee instead of milk is pretty good. - Soggy cereal beats out freshly poured cereal most of the time. - Exceptions are maybe Cocoa Pebbles and Cheerios. Life cereal is - especially good soggy. - The last powdery bits of the cereal are much better than the initial - big bits. A lot of that powder is sugar and it sweetens the - milk. - Bag cereal is just as good as box cereal. Taste-wise they're identical - and they're about the same effort to pour because the boxes - have bags in them too. The only con to bagged is that a greater - amount of cereals are boxed (e.g. there are no off-brand - Wheaties where I am) and boxes have cool puzzles on the back - (though now that I'm not a wee lass I do have a cellphone on - which I play Konami Picross instead). - - WRONGSPEAK AND WRONGTHINK - - If you're unaffected by a slur you probably shouldn't use it, even in - an educational or non-hateful context. - There are some words I'd now consider hateful I used to use without - reserve. - Personally I don't use hateful language because I don't think it's - justifiable. However, if you're okay with offending people, - consider this - you cannot grow in your understanding of the - world if you don't communicate with people with whom you - disagree. You're really going to prioritize hateful speech over - self development? - If you go on my platform and say things with which I disagree, I should - not have to host your opinions. - - Most of my regrets involving political speech involve saying either too -little or too much, which is nice, because at least I didn't support some -stupendously awful cause that ended up killing everyone or something. Maybe -right now I am doing that without realizing, but I hope not. - - -/blah/2022-06-21.html - - Some things I learned this week - - Instead of grating vegetables, you can peel very small sections off of -them to get essentially the same effect. It works better if you dice the -peelings after you're done. A grater will do the job much better but in a pinch -the peeler will work fine. - A teaspoon is 5mL, a tablespoon is 15mL. They aren't the same. - You can never have enough paper towels. If you think you do, you're -wrong. Aspirin is bad for you, acetaminophen is especially bad for you, -ibuprofen is bad for you, you can have either pain or pain. - The GNU debugger is awesome. Compile programs with `-g` and run gdb -[program], then execute `start`, then `step` through statement by statement and -inspect variables with `print`. I've been printf(3) debugging since I was eight -years old (about a decade ago). This is a total game changer. - The first pancake is always the worst. Don't be afraid to screw up the -first time, instead ensure the environment is controlled so that when beginners -make that first pancake the customers don't eat it. - People believe the dumbest stuff because they're so used to dumb things -happening. You can't be sane in an insane world. - - Food I'm craving - - Pizza (good pizza, not something from Pizza Johns or Papa Hut). I could -make it myself but dough seems hard and I'm procrastinating learning how bread -and stuff works. I also don't wanna go to the store, carry the ingredients -home, and figure out what to do with the leftover stuff. Perhaps all my -problems could be solved with one of those Hello Fresh startups or whatever but -the point of pizza is that it's cheap and delicious and I don't wanna pay more -for less. - A bagel, but I could always go for a bagel. I'd like some veggie cream -cheese right now on a dark toasted bagel. - Pancakes. I haven't had pancakes for a couple seasons now. I like -pancakes with good maple syrup, maybe not the really expensive stuff in glass -jars (I haven't tried that stuff so I wouldn't know) but the stuff that comes -in the gray-cream colored pitchers with the small handles and black caps, with -instructions on the back for what to do if there's a skim on top of the syrup. -Thin, Maine maple syrup, no corn involved in the process. Though Aunt Jemima -(or whatever name by which she goes nowadays) is alright in a pinch. - I'm trying not to eat so much meat. The exceptions are (a) trying -something new, (b) home-cooked meals by someone else, and (c) East asian -restuarants. And of course food that would otherwise go to waste. I've found -that limiting myself to these situations gives me a pretty good amount of meat -in my diet ("pretty good" being a small amount, I eat meat maybe thrice a week -at most). I don't have a moral stake in this in terms of animal cruelty, though -I do believe farming animals is cruel, because I didn't kill the thing and -Capitalists will never voluntarily decrease the amount of product they churn -out. I just don't see a future where humans can have meat in nearly every meal -and I'm trying to acclimate in advance. As past, so will pass - I'm sure we'll -go back to some sort of primarily-grain diet, though maybe "grain" will be corn -and corn derivatives and not much else. Meh, could be worse. - That being said, I could go for some turkey mixed with egg. In a pan, -put a couple of slices (or even just the giblets left over from the slicing -process) of turkey beast on some butter as the oil, and crack an egg over it. -Break the yolk if the yolk isn't already broken and keep flipping the egged -turkey until the egg is cooked. Serve alone or as part of a breakfast sandwich. -It's the perfect mix of texture and flavor. I had this with some turkey that -would have otherwise gone to waste and it was very good. - - -/blah/2022-06-20.html -: Some thinks I've been thinging about - - The world would be a more interesting place if any biologists or -researchers focusing on transmissable diseases took a look at Internet memes or -"fake news" (cognitoviruses). - - If a policy tangibly hurts people it's not a good policy. Whether or -not I believe it's good, if something I supported takes food out of a mouth, I -was wrong. Humans come before statutes. - - Nobody's applied the second amendment to the abortion debate. The -intent of the founding fathers regarding the second amendment was clearly to -allocate for the self-defense of the populace even if it may be to the -detriment of an offending party. Does a pregnant individual not have the right -to stand their own ground and fend off entities that will do them harm? - - Plastic is the new lead. Humans shouldn't be drinking animal milk (I -drink a lot of chocolate milk, so this is a dig at myself too). Meat is as -essential to the culinary arts as sugar, but it's also as essential to human -sustenance as sugar. The next "got milk?" will be disseminated through Internet -memes. - - I'm not in favor of banning anything; abortion or firearms. I think a -national firearm ban to some extent may be inevitable but I'm not too torn up -about it. A bullet doesn't have much practical use beyond taking a life or -practicing for it. - - I want a Nintendo Wii powered through USB-C. - - A holocaust will happen before 2050. This game of "telephone" that is -generational education didn't impress upon this generation the gravity of the -Holocaust committed by the Nazis in the 1940s. The Nazis had a fetish for -documentation; the next holocaust will be recorded literally in 4K Ultra HD. -In a desensitized world, will that even make a difference for the children of -2160? In the information war that will be World War III, who will win - the -Americans, who can't tamp down obvious misinformation such as "Pizzagate" or -that the COVID-19 vaccines have microchips, or the Russians, who manufactured -these rumors? "Americans" and "Russians" here are not literal names. - To me it's conceivable that gender nonconforming and non-heterosexual -individuals would be targeted as scapegoats for a future manufactured -"struggle" in the same way the Nazis chose Jews to be the primary scapegoats -for "degeneration". Outliers are routinely paraded as examples of the queer -community by those who wish to discredit it. External parties try to break the -LGBT+ umbrella into the "LGB and others" or "lesbians and gays, but not -bisexuals". The latter for acceptance (exceptance?) from those who conduct the -former. All wins temporary at best. - - -/blah/2022-06-19.html -: Some things I've been thinking about - - The UNIX philosophy ("create things that do one thing well") is a -mandate rather than a suggestion; programs can and will fall under their own -weight if you allow them to become too complex with too many things dependent -on other things. From a software design standpoint I've found this to be very -useful. - However, I think focusing on software complexity is treating the -symptoms of Bad Computing rather than the disease. The core issue is that -humans should not have to change themselves for a machine - the machine should -only ever be changed for the human. After all, a computer is simply a tool. -Interchangeable (right?), repairable (right?), intuitive (right?), and a means -to an end (right?). - Lately humans have been having to change themselves for machines. There -are easily comprehendable issues - e.g. "I don't have a first name, how do I -fill out this form?" - but there are also denser, deeper problems in this -regard - in fact, even computer literacy education is itself changing humans in -favor of machines. Software should be designed to be basically intuitive to -someone that's never used a computer and ideally need no further skills. - This probably started with the Old Engineers who were basically -breathing computer before computers were even existent in their modern form. -Graybeards (women and nonbinary fellows included within this word, use your -imagination) didn't need to change themselves for computers because they and -machina were already kin. Then they made simple interfaces for the restivus and -hoped it was enough, and it was for a while. - Once we defeat the status quo, the rest will be easy. - - The Center for Disease Control in the United States isn't perfect but I -trust them a bit more than a bald guy on Spotify. - - Today's Juneteenth, which is a memory to a pretty cool event, the end -of lawful slavery in the United States. diff --git a/homepage.content b/homepage.content new file mode 100755 index 0000000..ef54985 --- /dev/null +++ b/homepage.content @@ -0,0 +1,19184 @@ +/.ignore verbatim + +#llllmmmm11234567892123456789312345678941234567895123456789612345678971234567890 +# vim: syntax=:ts=8 + + +/CNAME verbatim + +www.trinity.moe + + +/BANNER.txt verbatim + + /\ |/||\|| _\|||\ |||||/||\|\\// |\ /|/ \||\| + / \ || || /|||\\|||| || || ||\/|| | ||> +/____\ _||__||\\||||\\|||__||_ _||_()||\/||\_/||/| + + +/license.html + +

Except where noted, www.trinity.moe is available under the Blue Oak Model +License 1.0.0 as defined below.

+
+Blue Oak Model License, Version 1.0.0
+
+Purpose
+	This license gives everyone as much permission to work with this
+software as possible, while protecting contributors from liability.
+
+Acceptance
+	In order to receive this license, you must agree to its rules. The
+rules of this license are both obligations under that agreement and conditions
+to your license. You must not do anything with this software that triggers a
+rule that you cannot or will not follow.
+
+Copyright
+	Each contributor licenses you to do everything with this software that
+would otherwise infringe that contributor's copyright in it.
+
+Notices
+	You must ensure that everyone who gets a copy of any part of this
+software from you, with or without changes, also gets the text of this license
+or a link to .
+
+Excuse
+	If anyone notifies you in writing that you have not complied with the
+Notices, you can keep your license by taking all practical steps to comply
+within 30 days after the notice.  If you do not do so, your license ends
+immediately.
+
+Patent
+	Each contributor licenses you to do everything with this software that
+would otherwise infringe any patent claims they can license or become able to
+license.
+
+Reliability
+	No contributor can revoke this license.
+
+No Liability
+	As far as the law allows, this software comes as is, without any
+warranty or condition, and no contributor will be liable to anyone for any
+damages related to this software or this license, under any kind of legal
+claim.
+
+ + +/homepage.html +$!TITLE "homepage" documentation +$!DESCRIPTION one file, one website + +

"homepage" documentation

+

the forest

+

+homepage is a single-file static site generator written in UNIX sh(1) shell +script, the goal being to contain a website with heirarchical page +organization within a single file that can be run to extract it out to the +filesystem, almost like a self-extracting UNIX tape archive that documents its +own layout in a UTF-8 script closer to English. +

+

trees

+

files

+

+To add a file to your homepage, append three newlines ('\n', or the +Enter/Return key on your keyboard) to the end of the homepage file, followed +by the path of the file to add. A homepage file path starts with a slash ('/') +and is followed by the path to the file relative to the prefix directory (the +directory containing homepage). A file path that starts with a hash ('#') is +discarded. For all non-slash- non-hash- prefixed file paths, the behavior of +homepage is undefined. +

+

file attributes

+

+On the same line as the file path, if, after the path, a tab ('\t') is +present, the substring following the first tab in the line and spanning to +and excluding the next tab or newline describes the attributes of the file as +it is exported to the file system. These file attributes are delimited by +commas (',') and there's no limit to the amount of attributes a file can +have, though in the event of conflicting attributes the later attribute +"wins" the conflict. +

+ + + + + + + + + + + + +
attribute default?action
"figuratively"yesIndicates the file should be subject to macro expansion.
"ignore" no Ignore the current entry.
"literally" noOpposite of "figuratively".
"stub" yesIndicates the file should be exported to the filesystem with the + appropriate Prefix and Suffix files prepended or appended.
"verbatim" no Opposite of "stub".
+ + +/x200t/index.html +$!TITLE Thinkpad X200 Tablet + + +

Thinkpad X200 Tablet

+

updated 2022-08-11

+
+

Contents

+ +

See also

+

Integrated camera

+

+This is FRU 2060 in the hardware maintenance manual. +

+

+Some models have the camera, some don't. +It will be in the middle of the top of the screen bezel (looking at the screen with the lenovo logo oriented normally); some have a black plastic trapezoidal cover, some have the camera option. +Camera kits are available on-line for the X200 Tablet for around US$15 or so at time of writing. +

+

SATA drive

+

As far as I know, any 2.5" SATA laptop-sized drive will work.

+

+To replace the drive, locate the drive cover between the stylus holder and RJ-11 modem port on the right side of the laptop. +Unscrew the screw holding in the cover, to which the hard drive icon on the bottom of the laptop under the stylus holder is pointing. +Lift out the cover and there the drive will be exposed. +

+

Hard drive caddy

+

+Most of the eBay listings for X200 Tablets don't have hard drive covers or caddies. +You will want a caddy because it makes it much easier to get a drive out, and because it spaces out the drive in the space provided and provides some (minimal) amount of shock protection. +This is especially good for hard disks as you don't want those moving around in your laptop chassis, even if there's no risk of them being disconnected. +

+

+In a pinch you can use cardboard to space out a drive. +I made out okay using folded cardstock given that my X200 Tablet was going nowhere except my desk. +You should not do this for long periods, not really because there's some risk that increases as time wears on but just because in general it's stupid. +

+

+The same rubber rails that go around the hard drive, and the same metal thing that you screw onto the drive that has the black ribbon attached used to pull the drive out, are used for the X200, X200S, X200 Tablet, X201, X201S, X201 Tablet, T420, T420S, T430, and T430S, as far as I know. +Rubber rails for the X220 Tablet did not work, nor did the bay cover for the X220 Tablet work for the X200 Tablet. +

+

Memory

+

+This is FRU 1040 DIMM in the hardware maintenance manual. +The system memory modules and the access panel only have to be removed if the modules specifically are being replaced or if the system mainboard is getting replaced. +

+

+RealBlackStuff says +the X200 Tablet is compatible with DDR3-1066 (PC3-8500) and DDR3-1333 (PC3-10600). +It's possible to have 8GB memory installed. +eBay seller laptopused correlates that DDR3-1333 dual-rank memory should work. +Apparently for technical reasons the X200 Tablet must take 2Rx8 memory; two ranks of eight chips, and for 8GB memory, 256MB per chip (divide 8192MB by 2 modules * 2 ranks * 8 chips). +

+

+OEM-configured laptops can have DDR3-1066 memory from Elpida or Samsung. +Laptop Mag says the laptop came with 2GB RAM by default and is upgradeable to 4GB but most laptops for sale secondhand have 4GB memory installed. +Types 7449-43U and 7450-EYU came with 2x2GB DDR3-1066 SO-DIMM (PC3-8500). +

+

+I got in touch with eBay seller woosterpsu who was auctioning off an X200 Tablet to benefit the Electronic Frontier Foundation with 8GB RAM installed and reported in the BIOS. +The seller sent me an image of the installed memory: a Hynix 4GB 2Rx8 PC3-10600S and a Dell P/N SNPX830DC/4G, both scavenged from other laptops. +These are confirmed working in a Core2 Duo L9400 X200 Tablet. +

+

Screws

+

+Per the hardware maintenance manual (page 225), the following screws are necessary for full assembly of the X200 Tablet: +

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
Quantity Head Length Style Color
1 M1.6 6mm Wafer head Silver
1 M2 2.5mm Wafer head Black
11 M2 3mm Flat head Black
18 M2 3.5mm Wafer head Silver
1 M2 3.5mm Wafer head Black
3 M2 6mm Wafer head Silver
13 M2 6mm Wafer head Black
1 M2 3mm Stud (height=4.2mm) Black
1 M2 3mm Stud (height=5.5mm) Black
6 M2.5 6mm Wafer head Black
9 M2.5 8mm Wafer head Black
1 M3 3mm Wafer head (HDD screw) Black
+

+Additionally listed are 9 circular screw caps and 6 square screw caps. +

+

+Two screw kits are listed with part numbers 45N3139 and 60Y4164. +The difference is that 45N3139 has one more M2x3.5mm silver wafer head screw listed (18 versus 17). +45N3139's contents in particular are reflected in the table above. +

+

On page 79 of the hardware maintenance manual some very rarely-noted screw notices are listed that are worth repeating, though it's up to the maintainer to follow the practices they so choose:

+
    +
  • Always use new screws. (This is repeated earlier in the page; according to the manual, ThinkPad Notebooks have "special nylon-coated screws" that should be used only once.)
    • +
  • Use a torque screwdriver if you have one.
    • +
  • When tightening plastic against plastic, turn an additional 90 degrees after the screw head touches the surface of the plastic part.
    • +
  • When tightening logic cards against plastic, turn an additional 180 degrees after the screw head touches the surface of the plastic part.
    • +
  • If you have a torque driver, refer to the "Torque" column for each step.
    • +
  • +Make sure that you use the correct screw. +If you have a torque screwdriver, tighten all screws firmly to the torque shown in the table. +Never use a screw that you removed. Use a new one. Make sure that all of the screws are tightened firmly. +
    • +
+

Software

+

+For some procedures in the hardware maintenance manual a ThinkPad Hardware Maintenance Diskette is needed. +This was available only to licensed dealers. +

+

+Here's a chart of executable names relevant to the X200 Tablet as provided from Lenovo and their product names. +A lot of this is sourced from hearsay and olden lore so it may not be fully accurate, and definitely isn't complete. +Also, I trimmed down redundant sections of product names - for example, 7wuj45uc.iso is actually BIOS Update Bootable CD for Windows 7 (32-bit, 64-bit), Vista (32-bit, 64-bit), XP - ThinkPad but if it's bootable itself operating system compatibility likely doesn't matter. +

+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
Executable Product name Version
6itr02ww.zip BIOS Settings Capture/Playback Utility 4.01
7wuj45uc.iso BIOS Update Bootable CD 3.21
7wuj45u6.exe BIOS Update Utility for Windows 7 (32-bit, 64-bit), Vista (32-bit, 64-bit), XP 3.21
6ea118ww.exe Conexant Audio Driver for Windows Vista (32-bit, 64-bit), XP 4.92.15.0 / 3.64.15.0
6ea160ww.exe Conexant Audio Software for Windows 7 (32-bit, 64-bit) 4.92.12.0
maint150.exe IBM Thinkpad Hardware Maintenance Diskette (HMD) 1.50
maint160.exe IBM Thinkpad Hardware Maintenance Diskette (HMD) 1.60
maint169.exe IBM Thinkpad Hardware Maintenance Diskette (HMD) 1.69
i7tm23us.exe IBM Thinkpad Hardware Maintenance Diskette (HMD) 1.75
i7tm25us.exe IBM Thinkpad Hardware Maintenance Diskette (HMD) 1.77
i7tm37us.exe Unknown Unknown
i7tm38us.exe IBM Thinkpad Hardware Maintenance Diskette (HMD) 1.89
83ts04ww.exe ThinkPad BIOS Settings for Windows 7 (32-bit), Vista (32-bit), XP, 2000 3.03
+

+Lenovo's X200 Tablet downloads won't last forever. +Here's a JavaScript that allows a user to download arbitrary executables from Lenovo's download servers. +

+ + +

The following operating systems were available pre-installed by the OEM, depending on the variant:

+
    +
  • Microsoft Windows XP Tablet (32 bit)
    • +
  • Microsoft Windows Vista Home Premium (32 bit)
    • +
  • Microsoft Windows Vista Business (32 bit)
    • +
  • Microsoft Windows Vista Business (64 bit)
    • +
  • Microsoft Windows Vista Ultimate (32 bit
    • +
  • Microsoft Windows 7 Home Basic (32 bit)
    • +
  • Microsoft Windows 7 Home Premium (32 bit)
    • +
  • Microsoft Windows 7 Home Premium (64 bit)
    • +
  • Microsoft Windows 7 Professional (32 bit)
    • +
  • Microsoft Windows 7 Professional (64 bit)
    • +
+

9front system usage is described in the 9front FQA, section 3.2.5.2.1.

+

Linux system usage is described in detail on the Arch GNU+Linux wiki - any Linux or UNIX specific knowledge I have I add to the Arch wiki rather than putting on this page.

+

Stylus

+

+The X200 Tablet originally came with a single-button stylus with a gray "eraser". +I found some single-button stylus from eBay, with a red "eraser", and that worked too. +I have a two-button stylus that came with another X200 Tablet but it's as of yet untested. +The Fujitsu T-5000 digitizer pen does work, identically according to xev(1). +

+

+Do not try to insert two-button Thinkpad styluses into the stylus holder of the X200 Tablet as they'll become stuck in there because of how the buttons are shaped. +To remove a stuck stylus the digitizer pen case (part number 45N3146) must be unscrewed and removed from the chassis. +Following the hardware maintenance manual, remove FRUs "1020 Battery pack" and "1060 Keyboard" and follow steps 6 and 7 of the removal process of FRU "1180 DC-in connector, fan, digitizer pen case, and pen switch assembly". +No other FRUs need to be removed, nor do any other steps of the removal process of FRU 1180 need to be followed. +

+ + +/hacker-howto/index.html +$!TITLE How to Become A Hacker + +

How to Become A Hacker

+

Deven Trinity Blake

+

<trinity@trinity.moe>

+

No Copyright 🄯 2021 Deven T. Blake

+
+ +

Why This Document?

+

+A lot of hackers consider Eric S. Raymond's original How to Become A Hacker to be definitive, for good reason. +It explains the "hacker philosophy", some key things at which one should be good, and is a good compass that points to What to Learn Next. +I myself stumbled upon the document maybe a decade or so ago, when I was a small impressionable child, and know half of what I do because of where it pointed me. +I think, however, that How to Become A Hacker is a bit dated, so I'm writing this to be a nice complementary piece for those to read after they read esr's original. +

+

+If you are reading a snapshot of this document offline, the current version lives at http://www.trinity.moe/hacker-howto. +

+ +

Basic Hacking Skills

+

1. Learn how to program

+

+Python is an okay first language as long as you don't take it too seriously. +As said by smarter people than me, Python is a glue language. +It's slow and a bit basic, but its errors are often easy to solve, so do as much as you can with Python and Python libraries, and do the rest in faster languages. +

+

+Never touch Java. +Not even once. +While at one point it was promising, it's become a monstrous beast and it must be slain through attrition. +

+

+When you are good at programming you will think outside of programming languages. +Programming languages are tools for a job. +Some are better suited to some tasks than others. +For example, I would use C as a language for building utilities for myself, as I want them to be blisteringly fast and I know that's easier to do in C than Python. +I've written utilities in Python to know how I want them to behave, and then perfected them by rewriting them in C. +This being said, when learning a language for the first time, master it, then move on. +

+

2. Get one of the open-source Unixes and learn to use and run it.

+

+Don't try to program on Microsoft Windows. +Seriously. +This is the one mistake almost all beginners make; they'll install fifty different tools onto their MS Windows system in order to make a simple program that doesn't really work because their tutorial only works for UNIX. +Just install a Free UNIX-clone ("clone" in this context is not a bad thing; most Free UNIX-clones are much more practical in this world than the original) and learn how to work in it. +In fact, you may want to learn shell before anything else. +When you know how to +

    +
  1. Make a directory,
    2. +
  2. Make an empty file within that directory,
    3. +
  3. Overwrite the file with exactly 500B of random data,
    4. +
  4. Mark the file as executable,
    5. +
  5. Print the file to the terminal as readable, hexadecimal data,
    6. +
  6. And remove the directory and the file,
    7. +
+you will know enough to start on your journey into hacking. +

+

+BSDs are awesome and I use a BSD myself, but perhaps start with Linux as there's a much bigger community to help you there. +There are no longer any good non-UNIX operating systems. +The importance of choosing a Free operating system cannot be understated. +It's hard to learn from your OS's code when your OS's code is only readable by those within the corporation that made the OS. +

+

+Don't use Ubuntu as it suffers from many of the flaws that drive non-hacker Windows users to Linux-based systems. +Instead, try Linux Mint, which is based on Ubuntu but without the more annoying issues. +

+

3. Learn how to use the World Wide Web and write HTML.

+

+View the source code of the original How to Become A Hacker and then read the source code to this webpage. +

+

4. If you don't have functional English, learn it.

+

+It's unfortunate that English has become the lingua franca of the Internet. +But it's true, it has, and it's more or less required learning if you want to become a hacker. +

+

5. Learn to use a search engine.

+

+This is my own tip. +This is the most important thing on this page. +How to accomplish this is an exercise left to the reader. +

+ + +/style.css verbatim + +@font-face { + font-family: "unscii16"; + src: url("unscii-16.ttf") format("ttf"), + url("unscii-16.woff") format("woff"); +} + +a { color: #fff; } + +body { /* copied from a textfile site because idk css */ + background: #000; + color: #ffdbdb; + display: grid; + grid-template-rows: auto 1fr auto; + margin: 0 auto 0 auto; + text-align: left; + width: 80ch; +} + +.txt { + font-family: "unscii16", monospace; + font-smooth: never; + -webkit-font-smoothing: none; + -moz-osx-font-smoothing: grayscale; +} + +pre { /* DRY who? */ + font-family: "unscii16", monospace; + font-smooth: never; + -webkit-font-smoothing: none; + -moz-osx-font-smoothing: grayscale; +} + +@media (prefers-color-scheme: light) { + a { color: #000 !important; } + body { background: #eee !important; + color: #333 !important; } +} + + +/blah/2024-06-14.html + +: changing the blah header + +The blog header and footer on this blah were written in a sprint on a stim +binge when I realized each blah page looked pretty empty without them (I think. +Honestly I don't remember too well). The header was: + +ideas with no tangibility; +ideas with irrelevant supports; +ideas without value; +ideas' witlessness; +ideas' witnesses; +ideas- + +and was meant to reflect the site theme at the time which was that each title +was a "shift" of the last title, e.g. + +2022-06-25: Down with the sickness +2022-06-26: Down with the Dickness +2022-06-30: O, posts unwritten +2022-07-06: Duo, most lingual + +It didn't make a lot of sense and was a little corny. The footer, on the other +hand: + +No rights reserved, all rights exercised, rights turned to lefts, left in this +corner of the web. + +was very popular with my friends (whose opinions are the only ones I sort of +care about). This is a spin on a format I read years ago and forgot. It's +vaguely inspired by the xkcd.com footer, which stands now as: + +>xkcd.com is best viewed with Netscape Navigator 4.0 or below on a Pentium 3±1 +>emulated in Javascript on an Apple IIGS at a screen resolution of 1024x1. +>Please enable your ad blockers, disable high-heat drying, and remove your +>device from Airplane Mode and set it to Boat Mode. For security reasons, +>please leave caps lock on while browsing. + +as (to my memory) it appeared in 2014 when I discovered xkcd (on the tail end +of an Aaron Swartz -> RSS -> readers -> feeds to read rabbit hole I was +required to go down by the collective I was then a part of). The first latest +comic I remember reading was Vodka (#1528, May 2015) which is definitely wrong +because I remember showing my sixth grade teacher xkcd comics (which would have +had to be 2014). Memories, memories, memories. Nostalgia is a spook. + +The IIGS had what, a 65K? If it was upgraded with one of those FPGA accelerator +boards, and someone wrote a performant JS engine for it and ran PCjs on it to +emulate a Pentium II, running an old Linux and using the earliest Netscape, +then set their resolution, that might be possible. I spent a lot of time +thinking about that as a kid. Maybe this is what got me into emulators. + +Multiple friends have quoted my blah footer to me which makes me feel cooler +than I am. One thought about getting it tattooed on themself. Nuts. I don't see +writing as an act of creation so much as an act of observation; I am able to be +very boastful about what I have written for the same reason I often see it as +baby talk drivel (is that how you spell that?) - it has never felt like /my/ +writing, only spewing ideas in my head which is a melting pot of shitty ideas I +find on-line. I have doubt in my ability to /create/ an authentically original +thought. It's an insecurity of mine. + +I'm replacing the header because I want a better one. Footer remains. + + +/blah/2024-06-12.html + +: debugging some bullshit + +> alright i wanna torrent some linux isos +$ torsocks aria2c --disable-ipv6 magnet://... + +[every other port abridged] + +06/12 19:02:40 [ERROR] IPv4 BitTorrent: failed to bind TCP port 6947 +Exception: [SocketCore.cc:367] errorCode=1 Failed to listen to a socket, cause: +Operation not permitted + +06/12 19:02:40 [ERROR] IPv4 BitTorrent: failed to bind TCP port 6909 +Exception: [SocketCore.cc:367] errorCode=1 Failed to listen to a socket, cause: +Operation not permitted + +06/12 19:02:40 [ERROR] IPv4 BitTorrent: failed to bind TCP port 6955 +Exception: [SocketCore.cc:367] errorCode=1 Failed to listen to a socket, cause: +Operation not permitted + +06/12 19:02:40 [ERROR] IPv4 BitTorrent: failed to bind TCP port 6977 +Exception: [SocketCore.cc:367] errorCode=1 Failed to listen to a socket, cause: +Operation not permitted + +06/12 19:02:40 [ERROR] IPv4 BitTorrent: failed to bind TCP port 6915 +Exception: [SocketCore.cc:367] errorCode=1 Failed to listen to a socket, cause: +Operation not permitted + +06/12 19:02:40 [ERROR] Exception caught +Exception: [BtSetup.cc:212] errorCode=1 Errors occurred while binding port. + +06/12 19:02:40 [NOTICE] Download [...] not complete: [...] + +Download Results: +gid |stat|avg speed |path/URI +======+====+===========+======================================================= +... |ERR | n/a|... + +Status Legend: +(ERR):error occurred. + +aria2 will resume download if the transfer is restarted. +If there are any errors, then see the log file. See '-l' option in help/man pag +e for details. + +> well fuck +> perms issue? +$ doas torsocks aria2c --disable-ipv6 magnet://... +[errors out] + +$ doas setcap cap_net_raw=ep $(which aria2c) +$ torsocks aria2c --disable-ipv6 magnet://... +[torsocks errors out because it hates extra perms] + +> well fuck +> iptables issue? +$ man iptables + +> wait let me try something +$ cd +$ python3 -m http.server 6915 & +[1] 95309 +Serving HTTP on 0.0.0.0 port 6915 (http://0.0.0.0:6915/) ... + +$ curl http://127.0.0.1:6915/.bash_history | tail -n 9 +man setcap +sudo setcap -r $(which aria2c) +man setcap +sudo setcap -r $(which aria2c) cap_net_raw +sudo setcap -r $(which aria2c) +sudo setcap -rcap_net_raw $(which aria2c) +sudo setcap - rcap_net_raw $(which aria2c) +sudo setcap -r - $(which aria2c) +sudo setcap - -r $(which aria2c) + +> i still can't figure out how to use fucking setcap(8) +> this isn't a port problem. maybe torsocks? +$ kill 95309 +[1]+ Terminated python3 -m http.server + +$ torsocks python3 -m http.server +1718241786 ERROR torsocks[104835]: Unable to resolve. Status reply: 4 (in socks +5_recv_resolve_reply() at socks5.c:677) +Traceback (most recent call last): + File "/usr/lib/python3.9/runpy.py", line 197, in _run_module_as_main + return _run_code(code, main_globals, None, + File "/usr/lib/python3.9/runpy.py", line 87, in _run_code + exec(code, run_globals) + File "/usr/lib/python3.9/http/server.py", line 1289, in + test( + File "/usr/lib/python3.9/http/server.py", line 1244, in test + with ServerClass(addr, HandlerClass) as httpd: + File "/usr/lib/python3.9/socketserver.py", line 453, in __init__ + self.server_activate() + File "/usr/lib/python3.9/socketserver.py", line 475, in server_activate + self.socket.listen(self.request_queue_size) +PermissionError: [Errno 1] Operation not permitted + +> alright what the fuck +$ man torsocks +$ man 8 torsocks +$ TORSOCKS_ALLOW_INBOUND=1 aria2c --disable-ipv6 ... + +06/12 19:32:48 [NOTICE] Downloading 1 item(s) + +06/12 19:32:48 [ERROR] Exception caught while loading DHT routing table from /h +ome/trinity/.cache/aria2/dht.dat +Exception: [DHTRoutingTableDeserializer.cc:82] errorCode=1 Failed to load DHT r +outing table from /home/trinity/.cache/aria2/dht.dat + +06/12 19:32:48 [NOTICE] IPv4 DHT: listening on UDP port 6925 + +06/12 19:32:48 [NOTICE] IPv4 BitTorrent: listening on TCP port 6917 + +[it works] + +> FUCK yeah + + +/blah/2024-06-08.html + +quit smoking 2024-04-13 noontime + + +/blah/2024-06-05.html + +: more shit i wrote at work + +my name is clown Jesus and I'm here to say +honk honk God and have a blessed day +(boom - de - yada) + +it seems every story about a team is +rife with abuse +and between all the members X + +I +when a lion +has a thorn stuck in its paw +and I can't help but get it off +and it's delighted +and it thanks me for the job +and I just laugh and say no prob +but I wake up +(I wonder) +what is real +'cuz when you treat the world with kindness +and you're numb to the surprises +and you're functional regardless +(it) doesn't matter + +II +when a neighbor +needs some help carrying groceries +up the stairs, you say no worries +but you fall +and when you look the next day +and the bruises, they still remain +guess it happened +(I wonder) +what is real +'cuz when the world can't stop you dancing +even when the rain's on your skin +and you don't know but you're not worrying + +time is acting up +up into the stratosphere +melting away +ticking the years until I meet my fate +time is all messed up +I saw it in a vision that I had in an alleyway +rattling guns +the gunfire reflected on the wall I was looking up + +when I met you +thought I loved you +how do I tell you that I think it's a mistake +'cause I saw you +in the courtyard +trying to stop your gun's angled shake + +[tenpo][ni][la][toki][mi][li][pakala][taso][lawa][mi][li][pona] + +fuck your "just say no" +I'll just say yes +for a miracle of chemistry +how could I not accept? +my brain really wants it +and god my soul needs it +gotta be depressed +if I do not agree +I'll go take a rest +from the rodeo + +1 2 3 4 5 6 7 +foun tain HI- C ~~tastes~~ + is +as hol low as ~~my po ems~~; + ~~a po em~~ + ~~one~~ + this haiku +~~so sweet but no taste~~ +sweet but no flavor + + +/blah/2024-06-01.html + +: the story so far (2021) + +Season 1: bootstraps +September +Episode 1: "moving on" + Trinity moves out of its parents' house. Tensions rise in the kitchen. +October +Episode 2: "Halloween 2021" + Trinity works Halloween while everything goes wrong around it. +December +Episode 3: "alone again, naturally" + Trinity gets its room ready for New Year's Eve. + +: the story so far (2022) + +Season 2: rat racing +January +Episode 01: "make up" + Trinity starts looking for other jobs. +February +Episode 02: "four raging cats" + Trinity starts working part time at [...] and struggles with the job. +March +Episode 03: "car seat headrest" + Trinity and Usagi go to a concert. +April +Episode 04: "week of two concerts" + Trinity and [...] struggle to find the energy to attend two concerts in + the same week. +Episode 05: "full time" + Trinity quits a job. +May +Episode 06: "time off" + Trinity and Usagi struggle to get the time off to go to a show. Trinity + gets an offer for a farming job in Presque Isle. +June +Episode 07: "the great falls balloon festival" + Trinity goes on HRT. Usagi quits their job. Trinity goes to a festival. + Trinity starts a blog. +July +Episode 08: "driver's education" + Trinity goes to Driver's Ed. It starts trying to get its old job back + but finds out there's been a change in leadership. [...] invites + Trinity over to watch television. +August +Episode 09: "two week notice" + Trinity hands in its two week notice. +Episode 10: "sleepless in lewiston" + Trinity juggles night Driver's Ed and morning employment. +Episode 11: "revenge" + Trinity quits its job and struggles to find its footing with the old + one. +September +Episode 12: "trinity did not kill the queen of england" + [...], Usagi, Trinity, and [...] see My Chemical Romance. The queen of + England dies and they celebrate. +Episode 13: "nineteen" + Trinity celebrates its birthday. +October +Episode 14: "film noir" + Trinity tries to fill its prescription. +Episode 15: "Halloween 2022" + Trinity celebrates Halloween but things don't go according to plan. +November +Episode 16: "frozen" + Trinity finds another place to put the trash after the ground is too + frozen to dig. +Episode 17: "sewage" + The toilet backs up. +December +Episode 18: "finger" + Trinity shaves off its fingertip, writes for Tebibyte Media, and wants + to die. + + +/blah/2024-05-16.html + +I forgot my phone today. Oh well. I've decided I'm done smoking weed at work +for the moment. Sometimes one can be too silly. Bus fares cost me an arm and a +leg. $1.75/trip? 20mins of my labor a day goes to transportation, and it's +often not on time. I feel neutral about self harm but I love to taste my own +blood so I try not to cut too deep or too big so I don't leave scars for too +long. The weather today is sunny. I'm wearing a sweater. It's been nine months +since I arrived at the bus station here. I've changed significantly. I miss +M-- and Moxie and blueberries off the bush and excellent weed and fistfights. +Life was not very good but I miss the simplicity of it. I never have enough +money anymore. I'm always tired. I don't think I deserve happiness but even if +I did I don't think I could ever find it. Blah blah blah. It smells like +freshly cut grass here. I can use this computer while walking. Maid computing. + +: more shit i wrote while high at work + +are antimemes sigils? + +I +in the tears of the crying red sun +dying of an affliction from which its rays run +yellow sweat dripping down from my brow +the pink sky is so hot so devoid of gray clouds +one is down but two to go said the witch +dressed in black in a hood staring down at the ground +where a corpse shivers a post mortem twitch +a brown tendril connecting its neck to a bough + +II +in man's final days, babe, who knew +that hell would come to us and rob our skies of blue +my sepia pictures of you +burned with the rest of my house down on West Bellevue +one is down and two are to go +said the witch slipping the knot before hitting the switch +as to her final remarks I don't know +I couldn't hear past the sound of the sandbag's rope's slip + +III +welcome to a hell with population one +the last two strung out and up into the sun +burnt as their lips turned to gray +I'm the last living soul, planning to go the same way +two are down and me to go +I've loved and lost but the cost was just so damn great +as I tie the last rope on the bough +I wonder if my memories will outlive my pain + +Bonsai LSD +C: gcc musl +RS: rustc +Make: bmake gmake pdpmake +SH: dash (or BSD ash?) qi betta +core: bonsai coreutils +pkg: kiss &| pkgsrc +krn: linux +arch: i386 amd64 aarch64 riscv64 +tcp: curl git ssh +wm: sway + xwayland +WiFi: iwd iwctl +DHCP: dhcpcd + + roll the + taco + _______ _______ + | .-. | | .-. | + | (|||) | |->)|(<-| + |__'-'__| |__'-'__| + ^ _______ + BK FISH TACO | |^ ____ | + | |||____|| + | ||______| + ____ / -|- | +|\ /\ -|-|- | + \\ / \ -|-|-|- | + \\/____\ ---------> | | | | | + /-----' | + / (1) halve_____________(2) dice______|____ + | | + | ***** diced tomato | + | ( ( ) ) ) lettuce | + | ( ( ( ) ) diced fish | + | __---, | + | :___--' tartar sauce | + | ____________ | + | ,-' '-, tortilla 6" | + | '-.____________,-' | + (3) |___________________________________| + +: ant wars + +When I was in like first or second grade, maybe younger, I was kept in a little +patio setup behind a building that did after school services for children whose +parents wanted as much time away from them as possible. We were all kept there, +little kids sitting in the sand trying to figure out a way to get out of the +sun but prohibited from sitting in the shade, and in the midst of our boredom +we noticed the ants at that daycare were quite large and would eat each other. +So what we did is we would get a couple ants together and had a points system +in place where the less limbs your ant had the more points it could get, and +its goal was to kill other ants that other kids had. We would grab them by +their legs and use our fingernails to rip their other limbs off while they +pawed at us begging to live, and then toss them in styrofoam cups that littered +our pen and watch them fight to the death. + + antennae (also pincers are over here; not removable UNLESS + you're only playing defense and expect the other ant + to die) +LU \ (__) / RU head (not removable without death) + -/\- +LM --| |-- RM middle (removable but inevitably terminal) + -\/- +LB / \ RB rear (removable; limits mobility significantly) + +Ants are nicely modular; you can also glue pieces on, which is free, but most +ants don't really know how to use their shitty popsicle stick (also littered) +prosthetics. Termites were around but we didn't wanna use them because they +moved too fast and hid on you, bedbugs too. + + +/blah/2024-05-15.html + +: emulating windows xp on a raspberry pi + +https://computernewb.com/wiki/QEMU/Guests/Windows_XP + +I'm going to assume you have qemu installed, and the binaries +qemu-system-x86_64 and qemu-img in your PATH, and a Windows XP x64 installation +disc image as winxp.iso. + +$ qemu-img create -f qcow2 winxp.img 20G + +This will make a qcow2 disk image for qemu. It grows as Windows writes to it so +you don't have to be miserly with your bytes. I will not come close to filling +20GB. On my machine the created file is 196K. + +$ qemu-system-x86_64 \ + -m 1G \ + -device VGA,vgamem_mb=64 \ + -cpu qemu64 \ + -M pc \ + -netdev user,id=lan \ + -device rtl8139,netdev=lan \ + -usb \ + -device usb-tablet \ + -rtc base=localtime \ + -monitor stdio \ + -cdrom winxp.iso \ + -hda winxp.img + +Have fun. + + +/blah/2024-05-09.html + +: poetry i wrote while high at work + +we're gonna end up +the lesbian stereotype: +two girls "friends with benefits" +sharing an apartment and a life +- +my gloves smell like you +you forgot to give them back +and left them in your car +I won't wash them. is that wack? +- +you said my eyes were pretty +I said yours were too +your green eyes dilated +when they met my hazel hue +- +one time we kissed in your car +but then you worried that I'd leave +because friendships last forever +but our loves don't last a week + +our lease goes on five years +and we're sharing a 1-bedroom +and when the dawn shines in the window +the light seems to bend towards you + +I +when the driver raises his hand into the cabin air +and the thumb is pointed up and index pointed at you +and one hand is on the wheel the other reaching behind +but then the pointer jerks up and the driver says boom +when your pistol's in your holster and your holster's at your hip +and nobody paid to train you so you fiddle with the piece +but the gun goes off and there's a bullet in the door +you know this job won't end without you meeting the polive + +II +hit & run & come & go & shoot to kill & hit the floor +& smash & grab & dash & fuck the pigs are here man + +[jan][ali], [o][kama] +[jan][ali], [o][kute] +[tan][pali][sina][li][pona] +[o][tawa][ala] + +I had too much last night (I feel like shit) +and I'm so dizzy in the morning (yeah, I'm still feeling it) +the hands on my watch keep making their rounds +watching me (I woke up wacked out) + +maybe I had too much last night +water isn't helping my skull feel less tight +I'm dizzy and unsteady and I keep falling down +it's my own damn fault I woke up wacked out +senses wrecked I reckon time is slipping in its place +every moment lasts forever but my watch says it's so late +if this is my due reckoning I'm sorry it had to come now +because I was so fucking high in the sky that I woke up wacked out + +III +all we are is two old country folks +in this big ol' city bar downing two rum and cokes +I'm flirting with you as you flirt with my demise; +holding my wrist up to your blade while I gaze into your eyes +IV +when my blood runs down my arm, babe +don't you dare waste a drop +put your red lips up to my crimson vein +and drain me + +I +you hate it when I call you baby +I hate it when you call my phone +you say it's infantilizing +I say we should talk when I'm stoned +II +when we went to the pub together +we asked if our warmth would last forever +but in our hearts didn't last the embers +why do we go back to this cask to remember +that + +V +no, it could never be that easy +don't even dare to hope +Spy Vs Spy washed up in Reno +emo, I put vodka in my cappuccinos +at the bar +VI +and all we are is two old country folks +in a big old city bar drinking two rum and cokes +and if I slipped a poison drip, dropped into your draught, +could you slip a tab into a kiss so I forget you not + +we're in a cloudy parking lot +looking through the windshield at the twilight +at the clouds in the parking lot +X +in a cloudy parking lot +snow falling from the sky +the dusk already fallen +and the phosphors shedding light +the smell of freshly fallen +chills linger in the night +you pull your arms together +pretending you don't have moistened eyes +the silent snow deafens us +and both our ears so loudly whine +I trodded thrice and then I turned back +and I softly asked you why + + +/blah/2024-05-08.html + +I should be less heteronormative, cisnormative, and mononormative. It's kind of +funny that I am sometimes all of these things despite being gay trans and poly. +Well, my polyamory is complicated; I'd be totally fine dating multiple people +but don't have the energy to be able to spend on something like that. +Functionally it's more like nihilamory, like I'm nihilamorous. I've dated +multiple people before and it kind of sucked but that was on me. I'm rambly +because I spent the last couple days between high and nearly sober. It's harder +to doubt whether or not I am gay (I fuck chicks) or "validly" trans (I don't +give a shit) but I do feel weird calling myself poly when I have the capacity +to date 0 people right now. + + +/blah/2024-05-07.html + +: in the wee hours of the morning... + +I'm in the car with people I know very well on cruise control at 80MPH heading +to the Denver International Airport to send one of our vessels on its way. I'm +thoroughly caffeinated and 210 minutes before a shift starts and got blazed +last night and am still feeling it a littlw bit. + +I got my ClockworkPi uConsole and it is my daily driver. It is a really +excellent solid piece of hardware, replacing the Aspire One comfortably. It's +an upgrade in terms of portability, durability, compatibility (USB-C instead of +barrel jack charging), and especially power consumption. The keyboard is slow +to use but I can dig out my HHKB for long term typing and the trackball and +ABXY are very comfortable to use. + + +/blah/2024-04-18.html + +First doctor's appointment since 2022 or so, which doesn't seem like a long +time in numbers but feels like a world ago. Last time I had a doctor's +appointment Usagi covered kitchen for me and I left [...] at noon and walked up +Pine Street to the brick and sunshine and sterile interiors to go to the +pediatrician, who was a nurse practitioner (is that how you spell that?) +filling in for Jonathan who had seen me the previous dozen or so years, which +means a lot more when you're 18. This time [...] and [...] are probably in the +kitchen and I'm in a college hospital in a city - was - and got my shit checked +out by a nurse, college student, and nurse practicioner (is that how you spell +that?). + +My friends really want me to see a therapist. So did the nurse practishuhner - +[...] kept me honest when filling out the mental health forms and apparently +they did not indicate such a hot pink sparkly life as I lead. They were also +more concerned about my chronic short- and long-term memory loss than I am, and +recommended Aquaphor for the thing happening on my foot. I got prescribed +patches for estrogen because I want my tits to get even bigger (they are pretty +big right now, and would be described so even on a cis woman) and because I +forget the sublingual tablets fairly often. I also feel worried about brushing +my teeth after holding them under my tongue and never remember to do so before- +hand. I've never been that great at remembering to brush my teeth. + +I was blah-bbing around when I had my last doctor's appointment. Goodness. + +Before today the last time I had any pizza was February 2023 I think, and I +think I had Domino's with [...] and [...] in [...]'s room. When I look back it +all seems so flat, like it happened so fast. But at the time I was amazed at +how slowly time moved. Now time races by me. + +I saw Good Will Hunting today. Cool to hear Elliot Smith (is that who that +was?) in the flick. It made me miss Maine less. The South Boston slums look a +lot like Lewiston. Today a lot of the Coloradan doctors were surprised I came +from Maine. I have a Mehnn accint, jus'sligh'ly, baht it prahbahbly sahnds like +a New Englund accent to the untrained ear. Got a ton of labs done. Estrogen, +testosterone, blood sugar, other shit I forgot to read. They laid me down so I +didn't pass out like that other time where I came to thinking I was in Five +Nights at Freddy's. I accidentally fasted for it because I was on a low-carb +diet and didn't know what to eat and so had nothing to eat - I quit, today, at +Marco's when we got two large pizzas and three free fountain drinks and I drank +a Dr. Pepper, a Mug root beer, and a half-and-half of both just to see what it +would taste like. + +The nurse practishinner really wanted me to take a psyche eval. I said I was +probably fine and probably wasn't depressed or anxious. [...] gave them a funny +look while I said it. + +Last night I said some things to my friends that felt mean, and I wish I +didn't. They said it seemed pretty normal to them which is what feels +especially bad. For the first time in a good while I don't have any particular +urge to get high. + +My blood pressure was good, weight is 192lbs, height is 72.5in with sandals on. +My Maine state ID issued 2022-09-19 said my weight was 215lbs so that's 20lbs +in 1.5 years. Maybe in five years I'll feel comfortable going to the beach. The +only time I've ever felt comfortable in the water is when [...] and I went +skinny dipping at night in Winthrop. + +Boston is to New England what Colorado Springs is to Colorado. But Denver has +more notable adjacent towns like Aurora; Boston has Worcester (with the world's +shittiest Burger King) and Reading (with the world's biggest pricks). I'm not +sure what Colorado Springs has near it. + +I wonder if I have any STDs or STIs or diabetes or anything. I'm scared +shitless of HIV or diabetes. I was roommates with a guy with HIV and he was +cool and took his precautions and had no problem talking about what it was like +with me, though society is unkind to those who are HIV+ and he wouldn't talk +about it with just anyone. And plenty of people have diabetes and ration +insulin and die so I guess I have that to look forward to if that happens. But +these lifelong illnesses aren't death sentences anymore, especially for people +with Medicaid, so I'll be alright either way hopefully. Diana was right - give +your HIV+ friend a hug. + +Can you believe I can write all this shit and can't get myself to work on the +book I'm writing? + + +/blah/2024-04-17.html + +Trip is cancelled. [...] vetoed it for the following reasons: +- LSD conflicts with packages already installed in my system and may result in + instability. +- I have a history of moderate drug abuse; it is hard for me to cope with + things without some substance and I spend little of my time sober. + +I keep thinking about [...]. It's terrifying how many people would be hurt if I +died. I don't want to end my life in bad kharma. + +I disagree with the notion that kharma is retributive; that it seeks to punish +those that deserve it. Kharma is an observation, a description. Kharma is the +realization that intentionally malicious action causes harm both to others and +one's self, an almost Newtonian law for that impossible-to-analyze humanity. + +One time when I was 16 or 17 my parents noticed I had a pimple on my arm and +boxed me into the bathroom and popped it. I broke down sobbing at the +realization that, though they had had almost no positive contribution to my +life and I barely even knew them as people, having been raised mostly by my +grandparents and 4chan/b/, I still hadn't earned my bodily autonomy from them, +and truly there was nothing I could do to get away from them without attracting +the police or whoever else they would call to come looking for me until I +turned 18. I was almost like their housecat, more a housecat than a kid. The +conditions of the household deteriorated over the course of my childhood. Their +cat, Gator, stopped eating and apparently went into shock after my parents kept +yelling at him and spritzing him with a water bottle. He was their stand-in +after I went numb to their yelling at me. I sort of envy people whose parents +were nice to them, though I don't spread the bad kharma. When I'm high and +people tell me about how their parents did something loving for them sometimes +I just break the fuck down. + +In the (literal) closet with the morning sun starting to trickle in after +another night of sleeplessness when we were 15 or 16 Usagi and I messaged over +Instagram. I don't have the stubs anymore so here's a recollection. +[U]: Have you ever noticed people with adverse experiences are the most likely + to turn out LGBT+? +[3]: Yeah but I've never really thought about why. +[U]: There's the neocon view that getting your shit fucked up causes your brain + to be fucked up. But I think it's just because it's harder to lie to + yourself when you're in a really bad place. You have to be honest with + yourself or you won't make it out of there. + +I came out to them as trans either a little bit before or a little bit after +that. + + +/blah/2024-04-15.html + +Cyberpunk diet is low carb and high protein. I pray to Snoop Dogg that I may be +forever high. Ecoterrorism is based. + +my money don't jiggle jiggle, it folds +you wanna watch tv +Batman: The Brave and the Bold + +Creeper? Aw man. So here's what I did today: [television static] I forgor skull +I had some weed, had some beer, had some coffee, had a shit ton of ice cream. + +I've never in my life had beef stroganov or chicken salad and don't plan to. +I feel like I'm melting between scenes. There are little disjointed bits of +minutes when I look at the clock and then an hour later I don't understand how +the time has passed. I can't tell when people are following what I'm saying. I +can't tell when what I'm saying is coherent. It's like there's a timing issue, +or a race condition, or some difficult error in my brain it's impossible for me +to debug. It's like trying to fix typos without being able to see the text +being corrected. I hear people talking when they aren't and can't hear a +fucking thing when they are. Driftveil City Theme. I think everyone around me +despises me. I don't think there's any amount of sleep that will make me feel +well rested or any amount of rest that will make me stop feeling like I have +white hot needles coursing through my veins and every beat of my heart is just +ticking further along until I drop dead at 27. + +"Trinity, this book says the revolution starts when you go on a walk." + +The best word to describe me right now is scattered. mi pakala + +I can't go grocery shopping on my own because I float through aisles, +backtrack, jog from one section to the next with my basket when the synapses +fire in the order that finally tells me what I need. I linger in the hardware +section, flow through bread, liquor, snacks, get caught up in the asian foods +section, go back to somewhere to find sriracha. The knives talk to me - really! +I like to look at my reflection in the stainless steel before continuing onward +after finding the kitchen timer I wanted. Are they real? Are their words? Does +it matter? + +The Atari 2600 has 128B of memory which is more than I could keep on the top of +my head. Sometimes I make a choice and it doesn't matter whether the direction +is followed or not because I will meet the same future either way. Half my +friends came from hell, half are heading there. Scattered. + +In amongst the ranting and raving everyone's dragging through my head, if you +talked to me you might even think I was normal. Prey animals don't show they're +wounded. Perhaps even I'm alright, just a little funky wunky. You know I'm +always full of loosely connected non sequiters, thinly explained relevances. + +I've seen every Tarantino movie (except Natural Born Killers - does that +count?). + +2024-04-14 + +[mi] [wile] [e] [ni]: [sina][moli][e] [mi] +[o] [moli] [e] [mi], [wile] +[awen][ala] [lon] [ni] +[mi] [wile] [moli], [mi] [wile][moli] +[mi] [wile] [moli], [moli] [e] [mi] +[mi] [en] [moli] [mi], [mi] [en] [moli][mi] +[li] [kulupu][mi], [mi] [wile][e] [ni] +[pini][mi] [la], [tenpo][li] [suli] +[pini][mi] [li], [suwi] [ala] [lili] +[pini][mi] [la], [mi] [pali][e] [ni]: +[loje][jan] [insa], [pi ali mi] + + +/blah/2024-04-14.html + +I saw bad stuff on the Internet yesterday and I wanna write about it. I at one +point had more to say but after some research I don't believe my point still +stands (I was going to argue that pedophilia, though much less common than it +used to be, is normal in our society; after reviewing statistics and +definitions I wouldn't say that is true). Here are some well-cited statistics +because otherwise my research would go to /dev/null (my brain only): +I Merriam-Webster defines pedophilia as "sexual perversion in which children + are the preferred sexual object"; specifically "a psychiatric disorder in + which an adult has sexual fantasies about or engages in sexual acts with a + prepubescent child" (<https://merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pedophilia>). +2 Pedophilia is evidently common in the present day; nearly one in six men + surveyed (15.1%) of 1945 in a 2023 Australian study anonymously + self-reported sexual feelings towards children (<https://www.humanrights. + unsw.edu.au/sites/default/files/documents/Indentifying%20and%20 + understanding%20child%20sexual%20offending%20behaviour%20and%20attitudes + %20among%20Australian%20men.pdf>). +As a side note: I skimmed the study and statistics collection and the survey +questions all seemed clear and direct. The results are much more damning than I +would expect. I remember, before this article came out, reading that one in six +men were pedophiles, but most figures I can find on-line are much lower, +particularly ones that are not the results of studies but instead speculation +by authorities. + +I think people who sexually abuse children should be slaughtered, ideally +publicly. I don't believe in rehabilitation for child molesters. I'm not picky +about the means of doing so and I wouldn't prioritize "humane" (quick) methods. +ISIS-style beheading would be fine. + +When I was 15 I knew someone my age who believed they were a prostitute and +regularly did cocaine; now I would call that child sexual assault and providing +drugs to a minor. She was socially isolated. I helped her with her math +homework in class and in a level in which we were expected to graph quadratic +functions on paper she was struggling with the concepts of variables and +exponents. The teacher in the class felt she was simply lazy - which is much +worse to me now than when I was in high school - and couldn't spend time +helping her understand these concepts. My peer wasn't able to stay after school +to catch up and even if she did I don't know if I could have at 15 taught +someone through multiple grade levels of maths. Her academics were being +jeopardized by her guardians who were either negligent or complicit in their +child being pimped out and given drugs. I don't remember if she graduated. + +Child abuse leaves very deep scars. She wasn't the only one I knew who was +abused but her story ("her story" - I sound like a fucking prick. She was cool +and we hung out in the field during Gym and talked about the drugs we wanted to +try) stuck with me as particularly sad. Some of the people I knew who were +abused went on to needlessly harm others, perpetuating a cycle of abuse. Others +became social workers - hopefully, helping others work through their own +trauma. + +This is what I remember when I see people on-line sharing not real pictures, +but drawings of child abuse, often idealizing the acts depicted. "Loli" and +"shota" porn coats in sugar some of the shittiest possible things that can +happen. Perhaps this isn't a revolutionary take; hopefully it is the most +common opinion on the matter. Children should be protected from harm. Imagery +that portrays child abuse as anything but horrifically evil is created and +shared by people who either don't understand the gravity of what it is they're +sharing (i.e. people who are minors themselves) or subhuman filth who should be +put before a firing squad. + +There's this one board on a chan site that focuses on drawn, sexualized gore. I +don't really care to write about "guro" porn because I don't have gathered +thoughts on the matter or the ethics of its consumption. I find it nearly +impossible to browse the board because for every ten drawings of adults killing +each other in coitus there is one cartoon of a minor doing the same and, like a +bird hitting a pin feather when preening, I feel a sudden, sharp pain in my +heart. This is the area that used to feel empathy and now rarely lights up +anymore. I remember the hollow stares of some of my friends coming in to school +from the morning taking the bus from their personal hells that they called +their homes. Then I close the site and never go back to the thread I was +reading. I've done this about three times, each time returning after a longer +period than before, and yesterday when it happened again I closed the site and +I'm not opening it again. Honestly I should have known better than to return +after the first time. + +There's a chan site, wirechan.org, that unlike the last one is actually good +and tends to have good people posting. Recently it was raided by a horde of +wild... pedophiles? I'm not familiar with that part of the Internet and don't +wanna be. Someone found a murderu.us XMPP advertisement I posted somewhere +(if I recall, wirechan/b/), joined #subgeneral, and wrote something in the chat +about sexually provocative kids and a -9 months age of consent. I learned how +to ban users and added more admins in case something like that ever happens +again, and I'm thankful pedophilic imagery wasn't posted in the chat. This is +why you can't put image uploads on murderu.us - I don't want CSAM on my server. +Immediately after they started posting, people in chat were making fun of them. +After they were banned the digs at what they said continued. murderu.us +participants are cool. + +I know pedophilic content is common on the Internet where scum can collect in +moist, dark places and send spores drifting around the open air of the web that +give people the occasional fungal infection or lung condition. I know +pedophilia is common even among real human beings. I just have had a hard time +with this knowledge and I wanted to write about what about this was hard for me +to understand and why I get so angry at pedophilia whether demonstrated or +glorified. I've been in a bad mood today and I think these two things I saw on- +line were a part of it. + +I've been trying to use shorter sentences and more punctuation to try to make +my writing more coherent but I'm not sure if this blahpost reads easily. I +think it would be hard to misconstrue my points though, which I wanted to be +sure of because miscommunication here would be pretty awful. + + +/blah/2024-04-13.html + + ona | it +li lon | is + + lukin | to the eye +la | + ona | it +li lon ala | is not + + ona | it +li sona | knows +e ni | that + + jan | people +li moku | are food +tawa ona | to it + + ona | it +li moku pona | eats well + + ona | it +li | is +lon ma lawa insa | in the inside of heads + + isipin | thought +li pali | creates +e ona | it + + tenpo ni | now +la sina sona | you know +e ona | it + + tenpo ni | now +la ona | it +li sona | knows +e sina | you + +o kon. o pilin e lawa sewi sina. ni li pona. ni li pona anu seme? o isipin ala +e ni, tan tenpo sina li lili mute. o tawa. sijelo sina li kalama. sijelo sina +li wile e tawa ala e utala ala e kon ike ala. o utala e wile pi sijelo sina. + +there's this void inside that loves me +and it once wished i were well +and it's this void that's inside me +that's just there causing my deepest hell + +it's silenced all of my cries +when i've tried to scream for help +but i still think i kinda like it +because it loves me like no one else +no + +the lattice of its chaos marches on so far away +laying groundwork for my madness so that i know what to say +its rehearsal of internal conflict causing me slow decay +is etching my destruction onto the surface of my brain + +That poem isn't complete nor are any this is BLAH we PUBLISH UNFINISHED WORKS +up in this bitch take yo ass back to SUBSTACK + + +/blah/2024-04-12.html + +I'm high as hell. + +o telo oko | +pi pilin ike | cry + +o weka | discard +e lipu pona | good records +pi pilin pona | of good feeling + +o sona | know +e ni: | this: + moku | consume +e pilin ike | the bad feelings +la | and + pilin ike moku | the bad feelings consume +e sina | you + +o toki | speak +lon toki ike | in cruel speech + +o ike | be cruel +e jan ante | to others + +o sona | know +e ni: | this: + sina awen | you wait, +la | and + tenpo sina | your time +li kama ala pona | doesn't get better + + sina weka | discard +e ale pona | all that is good +la | and + ale ike | all that is bad +li weka | does away with +e kon sina | your soul + + kon mi | my soul +li ike kin | is bad too + + mi ike | i'm sorry + + +/blah/2024-04-11.html + +: list of things I own in Colorado + +I have a blue string bag given to me by [...] with WARREN WARRIORS written on +the front. I take it to work. In it is +- a Nook (1st generation) reader +- 3 name tags, one of which with my name on it, the other two blank +- my work visor, apron, and shirt, which has another name tag on it +- a paint scraper +- sunglasses +- a bottle of probably 500 200mg caffeine pills (enough to kill 250 people, in + case you're wondering what the DEA would think about that) +- my uncashed Colorado state tax return check +- an eggs goldenrod recipe (which I owe a co-worker) +- a small bottle of ibuprofen +- a tin with antibacterial ointment and half a dozen Band-Aids +- a sewing kit (length of paracord, chalk, needle, thread) in a plastic bag +- my Hydroflask (beat to utter shit) + +Next is my backpack, an Osprey Farpoint 40L which is the biggest carry-on I +could have on a Greyhound and has served me well in the almost-year I've had +it. In it is +- a lighter +- nail clippers +- a compass +- 8 IKEA pencils +- a very warm beanie +- a Quansheng UV-K6 with retractible antenna and programming cable +- a Searick MP3 player (which I should give back to the former owner) +- an iPhone 6 Plus +- an iPhone 4 (jailbroken) +- a DC5525 plug, alligator clips cable +- a DC5525 plug-plug cable +- a very damaged Geiger counter, sans Geiger tube +- 3 black bandannas +- a bra +- pink-and-white striped thigh-highs +- one unmatched Kinco Frost Breaker glove +- another bra +- a pair of wool socks +- a pair of underwear +- an unmatched sock +- two more pairs of underwear +- a pair of shorts +- a pair of socks +- an unfinished letter (maybe from December or January?): + [toki][a] + [nasin][En][Musi][Ale], [mi][jo][e][kala][pona][tawa][mi]: [kala][suli]. + [lon][moku][unintelligible][mije][jo][e][unintelligible]. [jan][mute][li] + [moku][e][ona]. [unintelligible][li][ike][mute][li][ike][mute][tawa][mi]. + [mi][sona][e][ni]: [mi][olin][e][kala][suli][la][jan][ante][li][olin][e] + [kala][suli][la][jan][mute][ala][li][moku][e][kala][suli][la][kala][suli][li] + [moli][ala]. [kala][suli][li][moli][ala][la][mi][li][pilin pona]. [mi][wile] + [e][unintelligible]. [kala][suli][li][suwi][tawa][mi]. [mi][lukin][ala][e] + [ona]. [unintelligible][li][unintelligible][ala][e][ante][tawa][mi]. [kala] + [suli][li][suwi][tawa][mi]. [mi][wile][ni]: [jan][ale][li][moli][ala][e] + [soweli][ale][e][kala][ale][e][akesi][ale]. [mi][olin][e][soweli][ale][e] + [kala][ale][e][akesi][ale][e][kala][utala]. + [unintelligible][olin][mute][la][tan][soweli][san] +- a folder full of working papers and bank statements +- a first aid kit in a plastic bag: + - CVS pain-free wrapping + - gauze and naloxone in another plastic bag + - 4 travel canisters of baby powder + - a bottle of spray Aquaphor + - a Gameboy cartridge case with a condom in it + - a roll of climber's tape + - a tube of toothpaste + - a tube of antibiotic ointment, with acetaminophen + - a packet of 2 acetaminophen tablets + - two packs of razor blades + - a sunscreen stick + - a bottle of acetaminophen +- a small vial with a Nook (1st generation) speaker detached from the + mainboard, and a plastic piece that came off with it +- a prescription bottle (labelless) with a blunt in it +- a prescription bottle (labelless) with aspirin powder in it +- Franz Kafka, the Beanie Baby kiwi (a flightless bird) +- a rainbow (red, orange, yellow, blue) sweatband +- a Sony Discman (untested) with the Zelda 25th anniversary special orchestra + CD in it +- a Searick lanyard +- a canister of Dr. Martens Wonder Balsam +- a choker given to me by the lead singer of Stalk at Squashed Warehouse last + summer +- another pair of underwear +- the matching sock +- a flashlight/lantern/power bank +- a $20 preloaded debit card, paid in cash anonymously +- a USB-C plug-plug cable +- a 3.5mm TRRS plug-plug cable +- two pocket notebooks, one empty +- the toki pona cheat sheet, printed and folded to be pocket sized +- a pocket dhammapada +- a pocket cleaning cloth +- a spool of thread +- a bottle of black nail polish +- a tube of carmex +- a deck of cards +- a bag full of cables +- a bag full of bags +- my prescriptions (estrogen and spironolactone) and multivitamins +- a pill organizer, that also has diphenhydramine in case I need it +- my important documents + +Next is my sleeping bag bag (the bag that holds my sleeping bag; at one point I +knew the domain-specific term for this, but now I don't) which contains +- a bivy +- a sleeping bag + +And after that is a box I have for excess storage, as I've basically had +permanent residence for nearly six months now and have accumulated some extra +things and moved some things out of my backpack. It has +- about two square meters of black fabric I purchased at Wal Mart +- two wool t-shirts +- a small hand towel +- an unmatched sock +- a cloth mask +- a charging base for my K6 +- extra grip tape for my scooter +- new wheels for my scooter, that I have to figure out how to install +- my very broken Pinebuds Pro +- a chamoix, unopened, and the canister for a second +- the solar charging case for my now broken Storm2 +- my HHKB +- the previous, slightly broken keyboard for my Acer Aspire One +- a Famicom DS system (not the Disk System but the Nintendo DS attachment) +- Super Mario Bros. for the Nintendo Famicom +- a prescription bottle full of screws and miscellaneous small parts +- a piece of paperclip I sometimes bend into shapes to try to burn into my skin + (burning your skin in a way that visibly scars, using a lighter and + paperclip, takes patience I don't have - I can't hold the pin on the light + long enough before I crave it too bad) + +Under that box is a second box, my rags box that I use for patches and stuff, +that has +- my old work hat +- a work shirt I never liked +- my Wendys hat +- my Wendys shirt +- a cleaing rag +- another sleeping bag bag for my previous sleeping bag which is currently at + my grandparents' +- my previous set of underwear (3 pairs and they sucked) + +Beyond these I have +- pu, ku, and su +- a Baofeng UV-5R I've gotta ship to my sidekick +- a sweater +- a 10" Samsung tablet +- a Google Pixel 3A +- my wallet +- a Hello Kitty scrunchie +- my belt +- SD cards, an SD card reader +- earplugs +- another lighter +- an MP3 player +- another roll of climber's tape +- glasses +- a micro USB cable attached to a USB-A port USB-C plug adapter +- parts for my glasses +- a case with the needles for my sewing kit and a razor for cutting seams +- a Sharpie or two +- various paper notes +- a bottle of lotion +- a Razor scooter +- a USB-C cable and AC adapter +- an Acer Aspire One and charger +- two pairs of wired earbuds +- a can of WD-40 + +and the clothes on my body which are +- a pair of gym pants +- a bra +- a pair of socks + +and some clothes in the washer which are +- a pair of socks +- a pair of pants +- a shirt + +and +- a television +- 50m of 550 line +- an RF modulator +- an iFixit Kit with most items swapped for better tools + +and that's it, that's everything I own in the state of Colorado. + + +/blah/2024-04-10.html + +2024-04-08 + +(pu) Toki Pona: The Language of Good + kinupolu te watusen a! - jan Sonja +(ku) Toki Pona Dictionary + soweli Tini o! mi pilin pona tan ni: sina lon! jan Sonja +(su) The Wonderful Wizard of Oz: Toki Pona Edition + mu mu mu + +I watched and smiled anxiously at Sonja Lang signing the three books I was +purchasing for myself, as well as the two I was purchasing for my roommates. ku +was signed first and I thought the note was really, really sweet. I needed that +actually. Then pu. I don't know what "kinupolu te watusen a" means - "a" at the +end is emphatic, "te" is a nimi sin (word, new) sometimes used to introduce a +quote, but "kinupolu" and "watusen" are incomprehensible to me. + +"te" is interesting - from the Japanese -tte and conceived by kala kala and jan +Lakuse, and the latter of whom was there. I discovered Toki Pona after I had +been studying Japanese for a bit and it was cool to see some toki pona tan toki +Nijon. + +At lipu su she seemed to have lost some steam in signing which was worrying +because I was the first (though probably the least socially acclimated) fan in +a growing line. "mu mu mu" was written in green pen below the toki pona title +and above soweli Toto. [...] came over to where I was and asked for the second +copy of su I was purchasing to be signed to jan Masi. At the end I thanked jan +Sonja very much and anxiously stepped among the clumps of social masses and +stood near a bookshelf with [...] while [...] got food. + +[...] wanted to socialize and I sort of wanted to socialize, or at least be a +fly on the wall for socialization. We discussed the consequences of striking up +a conversation with a stranger or trying to nestle our way into an already- +formed crowd. Eventually they walked over to a stranger and started talking +about toki pona and stuff and people gravitated towards us and we formed a +semicircle (open, so others could join easily). [...] came back and the +discussion continued, touching on xkcd, Lojban, alternate human interfaces for +computers, Rust, Esperanto, and basically every topic we discuss at home, now +with more opinions and others guiding the conversation, which is what +socialization is for those of you who don't know. Then I checked my cell phone +for the time and drat, it was 1805 and we would be towed if we didn't go back +and move the car or renew the parking. I volunteered to go over to the car and +pay for more parking (as I was the least invested in the current conversations, +being dreadfully interested in them but having little to contribute) and took +the keys and left, too awkward to say o tawa pona to the speakers who had come +a long way to be there. + +I took the elevator down and left Norlin Library, stepping onto beautiful turf +and having an intensely vivid mental image - blocking out my own vision, no +matter how I tried to see past it or return to the present - of my own +hometown and walking through the courtyard of my middle school. The grass was +the same shade and the trails were the same sort of tar and even the buildings +were the red brick with which I was intimately familiar. It is April and the +trees are starting to bloom and though the Vernal air was filling my nose too +full and giving me the sniffles I was in love with the view and wish I didn't +have to hurry back to the car. + +I made it some minutes late though there was no tow truck in sight and none +could have towed it since the parking had expired. I went to the kiosk and +tried to pay for more time but it errored repeatedly, saying I had to enter the +license plate (which I did) before trying to swipe my card. Eventually I tried +to use ADA parking, which is ninety minutes for free, and it worked, so we had +until 1900 to get out of dodge. I texted [...] and told them this and then sat +in the car with pu and got to reading. + +My toki pona knowledge, two days ago, was not great. Only enough to be able to +navigate around relevant websites and say some basic phrases. I started from +lesson 1 and built myself a solid foundational learning rather than picking up +things here and there (which works for many languages but not one of a hundred +and extra words). Now I feel somewhat comfortable conversing though my spoken +vocabulary is limited. tenpo suno pini wan la (I had jan Ema help me with this +part of the sentence), mi pini pu. mi toki lon toki pona la, mi pilin pona. And +stuff. + +[...] and [...] came back to the car eventually and explained that we could +park where we were for free after 1900, correcting my jumbled belief that we +would be towed if we were there. Then they said the remaining toki pona group +was going to dinner and one of my roommates was invited, though they were +unclear on whether the other one or myself were. + +We ([...]) drove to the restaurant and waited for confirmation from the toki +pona group that we were fine to go in. No confirmation came back and after much +discussing pros and cons of approaches (I sort of just wanted to go home and +order a pizza) they went in while I was too fearful of public embarrassment to +go. I stayed in the car and tried to sleep but couldn't. I tried to read but +couldn't focus. I tried to play video games but can't play video games to save +my life, the awful flashing lights and obnoxious sounds inflicting countless +papercuts on my soul which craves, probably somewhere deep down, tranquility +and comfort. I tossed and turned and as the temperature dropped so did mine, +and by the time my roommates came back to the car I was locked in a running +flashback to the Burger King parking lot where I had made my home and their +unlocking the car and opening the doors threw me into a sheer terror on par +with the worst I've felt. I asked to go to a gas station. And for a cigarette. +They agreed to help with the first plea. + +On the way to the gas station they discussed a breakfast that would be +happening the next morning and called one of my exes to chat. I sat in the back +and played a game where the goal was to kill myself by sheer will, by wishing +long and hard enough that I would simply be torn from existence by some divine +act. Eventually we got to a Seven-11 (is that how you write that?) and I got a +Monster, a danish, and Chex Mix, and consumed the three in the opposite order +on the way back to [...], Colorado. I also decided to call out of work the next +morning to go to breakfast, which is a recollection for another time. + +Meeting jan Sonja was really cool. Social anxiety got the better of me on most +moments within the day and that was less cool. I think I ought to take more +risks. I decided to write this in the style of Hunter S. Thompson (would he +care if I spelled that wrong?) because I figure most writing on toki pona and +its community is academic or starstruck and I wanted to even it out a bit. I +had a good time and the toki pona speakers I met were some of the coolest +people with which I've ever conversed. + + +/blah/2024-04-09.html + +It was probably thirteen hundred something and I was in the back seat of the +Solara craving a cigarette more than I craved life, death, or any other stim. +Hyperpop was blasting on the radio and my roommates were talking about +something or another, programming related. Rust syntax? I mentioned the AWK +book's second edition had come out this year and that I had downloaded it. Emma +said something about how it was a shame AWK was specified in POSIX. Something +or another... I couldn't focus on the conversation, which was a shame, because +it was the only thing on which I was trying to focus. Topics blurred in and out +of my vision like a radar on a tank slowly pinging the surroundings of a sun- +bleached desert, though this desert much more resembled a town on the outskirts +of Denver than a war torn country (the difference being that the buildings were +standing- and also modernist architecture). Eventually I gave up and ceded +whatever point I was trying to make, though to be honest I felt my mouth was +moving on its own. Neither I or Kami were awake, barely even lucid. Just +dreaming of that first drag off a fresh red... + +Boulder came into view and changed the pallete (is that how you spell that?) to +a vivid, passionate green I hadn't known since Pennysylvania. The buildings +went from stucco (I think. maybe Adobe. I don't know this land's building +materials) to red brick and wood and metal and glass, the people were no longer +cowboys but yuppie college students wearing Apple Airpods Pro and talking on +iPhones and a mix of turtlenecks and thick-framed glasses and +circular-spectacled faux cottagecore dress-wearing women. This was a college +town and the young adults were wasting no time on the years allotted them to be +silly or stuck-up. The streets narrowed from I-25 and the stores huddled on the +streets between smaller lots than for which America has the taste and paid +parking at $1.50/hr. I stared through the nook between the passenger and driver +at the shrubbery, the manicured lawns and overgrown trees, Colorado's Harvard +or Harvardoid. A non-student couldn't tell the difference. I was consumed by +the nicotine withdrawal and came to, my middle finger and my thumb rapidly +clicking at each other like I was some fiend with trigger finger from an alien +gun, outside the car, walking towards the pay kiosk in a trance. I stood and +stared at the lush, soft grass that New Englanders know in their hearts marks +home and eventually noticed it was time for me to swipe my paycard in the slit +underneath the screen. Beep. We had three hours, until 1822. I noticed I lost +two hours to my daemon and turned to berate it for taking my valuable time only +to remember the devil was in my head, not my house, and walked with the +roommates to the library which was our destination in the first place. + +After enduring my roommates' lectures regarding the law and forbidden actions +(such as climbing through construction in order to make our route much shorter) +we arrived at Norlin Library and, after one of them had a brief chat with the +student at the inquiries desk and a long sojourn onto the Information Super- +Highway in search of clues, we took a small elevator to the fourth- no, wait, +we pressed the wrong button and corrected- the fifth floor. There were a great +many people and I wondered if we had found the right place before being handed +an ornate program printed on soft, thick, reflective paper explaining the event +before us. It was double sided with the Toki Pona on the first side and the +English on the back. + +Originally: pini la, toki pona li pali musi pi jan wan. tenpo ni la, ona li +kama toki pi jan ale. tenpo kulupu ni la, jan o toki lon ni! + +My interpretation: In the past, Toki Pona was a fun activity of one person. In +this time, it is the language of all people. In this community event, people +discuss this! + +Provided English: Toki Pona: From Personal Art Project to Small World Language + +There were many people and many things happening. Qdoba - not Chipotle, as the +program stated - were lighting flames underneath metal containers in which +tortilla chips and salsa mixes would be served. While one of my roommates +pissed I meandered over to the books table, where pu (Toki Pona: The Language +of Good), ku (Toki Pona Dictionary), and jan Sonja's latest book, su (The +Wonderful Wizard of Oz: Toki Pona Edition), were on display. I asked a clump of +the crowd how the books could be purchased and a woman in pink said quietly +that she would be accepting cash after the discussion, or another person would +be accepting money via Venmo. + +My craving gave way to anxiety at the crowd. I and the roommate who was not in +the bathroom wandered anxiously around the conference hall for a bit before, +after the other roommate came back and held our things, we both went to the +bathroom, I with a little bit of hesitation just from nerves. I tried not to +have a heart attack. When I came back out there was still a great deal of +socialization happening and my roommates and I found seats in the row behind +the front a few minutes before the discussion started and I realized the person +in pink was jan Sonja whose first impression of myself had been that I was a +sweaty, nervous fan. + +jan Sonja was accompanied by jan Lakuse and Boulder locals and nearly-locals in +chairs at the front of the room facing a crowd that overflowed from the sixty +or so seats to standing room at the back of the hall. jan Sonja and jan Lakuse +were equipped with lapel microphones attached to wireless transmitters on their +waists and the rest of the round table passed around two handheld microphones. +The round table was comprised of, from left to right, and to my foggy +recollection: + + jan Masoko (Tessa Moskoff) + jan Kasin (Caedin Cook) + jan Wiwa (River Smith) + jan Lakuse (Chelsea Raacz) + jan Sonja (Sonja Lang) + jan Sa (Jack Foster) + jan Elu (El Hays) + jan Oli (Olivia Bahr) + +And they each had insightful and interesting questions that I don't remember. +The talk was followed by my roommates socializing and me standing at the books +table waiting for someone who seemed like an authority to start accepting dana. +It didn't take long until jan Sonja found a seat by the table and as I had cash +I could purchase my books first. + + +/blah/2024-04-08.html + +# usermod -aG dialout trinity +# usermod -aG tty trinity # doesn't change ttyUSB0 but makes me feel better +# ^D +$ ^D + +Now programming the UV-5R works after a relogin. I fixed some settings and +changed the intro screen to read + __________ +| | +| haiii :3 | +|__________| + +I got my K6. Gonna try to figure out how to program it, like make apps and +shit. + +Today [...], [...], and I are going to see Sonja Lang, and we're all really +stoked. jan Sonja pali e toki pona. Sonja made Toki Pona. Like, imagine meeting +the person that invented Spanish or English. She's selling all three Toki Pona +books and I'm gonna buy all of them. I really hope she'll autograph them for +me. jan Sonja is to conlangs what David Bowie is to rock and roll. Aaaaaahh I +hope we don't geek out too much for her. + +Finished The Taste of a Man (1997). + + +/blah/2024-04-02.html + +: programming the UV-5R + +I recently ordered a UV-K6 radio, similar to the UV-5R but much more +featureful, much more programmable, and slightly newer. In order to program it +I needed a programming cable which would also work with my UV-5R so it was a no +brainer to get one of those too. I received the cable before the K6 and I wanna +play with radios so I'm programming my 5R. + +Permission denied: '/dev/ttyUSB0' + + +/blah/2024-04-01.html + +People care about me and I don't even feel like a corporeal being. I feel airy, +dissociated, like the world around me isn't real, like I'm not real either, and +like this is an illusion I'm barely even a part of. I feel like the couch on +which I lie is a projection and the air flowing across my body is a false +sensation. I find it difficult, nigh impossible, to care about my own +well-being because to care about my own well-being is to believe that I am a +being in the first place and I don't feel at all like that. I feel like I was +born to die, like I have one purpose and that is to work until I rot and then +in my death know I failed to continue longer, and die in my perceived failure. +In this very moment I don't feel like I'm in this body. I could be anywhere. In +a hospital chained to a bed in a years-long hallucination, in the car in the +longest mental breakdown of my life, at work lost in thought. I feel like I'm +falling. I'm not tethered to anything, not even my own breaths - which aren't +real. When I lift my chin up, lift my head so my gaze is perpendicular to my +spine, tilt my head farther, my vision just keeps lifting, the movement not +limited by any sort of physical presence or physics whatsoever, my perception +simply an input device controlled by my physical sensations, so when I move I +move without limits because the world is not real. This terminal is at once so +far away and yet incredibly close, so close I can see each individual glyph I +enter, so big it spans my vision, filling my eyes with sharply contrasting +pixels, pink and black, but the pink so bright it may as well be white, so far +I struggle to see it, a pinprick in the inky black of my world, my own vision +a pinhole surrounded by my mind, a terrible cave in which I am confined. I feel +like I'm falling. It's this sinking feeling, this acceleration, forever +approaching the ground, the real ground, whatever that may be. I didn't feel +hungry for a moment today. I never felt hot either. I feel cold right now. But +I know it's not real. It's just another input someone plugged into my brain +which is floating in a jar somewhere in Berlin or Shymkent. I want someone to +kill me; I want to die. + +I struggle to imagine myself happy or what my happiness looks like. I always +have. I just try to find meaning in serving others. I don't let myself get +hurt, except when I do, because I can't tell when I'm going to be hurt. I crave +physical touch, the kind I haven't felt since October or so, but not from +anyone from which I've received it in the past. I struggle to talk to people, +especially people my age. I can only relate to people in their 30s or 40s or +later. There's this wall that exists between me and people my age. Nothing they +talk about I understand. It's vapid interpersonal gossip and they-saids and +none of it has substance. What do I talk about with those I can communicate? +Cooking. News. System design. Then it breaks down. I don't know many people who +share interests with me and I can't find new people who do because I find it +difficult to be in big group chats of people I don't know and impossible to use +proprietary services like Discord or Instagram. I don't meet new people except +in real life and nobody I meet in real life likes computers or any of the +Internet stuff I do, nobody likes to watch people die or talk about the kind of +romance for which people throw themselves off buildings or speculate about the +XZ backdoor or anything. I tell myself my happiness doesn't depend on others +but Kami - simultaneously internal and external, obligatorily my best friend +but of unknown origin and with unexplained intent - can't touch me the way +flesh can and stuffed animals can't love the way I can. I have never +experienced chronic reciprocity with a human being. It's all fleeting, really +fleeting, gone in a second. Finding happiness in serving others is only really +feeling comfortable in relationships that are at least fringed with toxicity. +There is nobody who serves me, not consistently, nobody I let do so, because I +wouldn't feel comfortable in that. It is imbalanced. I haven't been happy +before, only felt a certain type of glee that in hindsight only could exist +because I couldn't tell something was wrong. My happiness is proven wrong in +every event. "I'm happy", I say, when I feel better than bad, but never when +better than good, because then I know it's fleeting, know even better than when +better than bad, know it's even more fleeting, because I know I haven't time to +waste on such a remark. I may never be happy and I'm not worried about the +possibility because it doesn't matter, because I'm not real. I imagine my death +to be the day when I lay down and die, just suddenly, just like that. Without +struggle against the reaper, without fear, and without wasted time. I find the +end of the line, a transparent fabric dead-ahead, a shroud separating the +present from the future in which I'm not to participate, and I see it and +recognize it. I leave the room, walk ten paces into the desert, and collapse +into the sand, dead of an unknown ailment, likely old age at 27 years old. And +it's a noble death. I leave behind nothing of value and no cash holdings and +nobody notices until they check my on-line status and see my last activity was +years ago. Perhaps I moved on. And I will have. Assuming I am real. + +Last night in tears I said I wish I was normal and was asked what that means. I +don't know. I just want to be able to write a coherent paragraph. I feel like +I'm speaking a different language. The voices are loud. + +And now for something completely different... + +: murderu.us is even more broken + +5AM MST + my beloved ibuki.club redirect, it's gone + day ruined + also, how does ssl work in this setup? doesn't caddy deal with it on + its own or have you accounted for this? + caddy deals with it on its own + cname ibuki.club to murderu.us and you'll be fine + i should make them have the aame certs. will probably later. just was + fed up after spending an hour or two on one file. + you should've because how does prosody get certs now? + ngircd too? + I can fuck with it tonight, it's not super urgent since the certs have + somewhere between 0 and 90 days to expire + >cname ibuki.club to murderu.us and you'll be fine + I don't think certs work that way unfortunately + if you want i can swap it around to everything cnamed to feeling + again, i was just trying to be clever +[...] + i swapped it so feeling is an A record again vs CNAME + suika: ping + now ssl doesn't work at all, even on murderu.us?!?!? + >curl: (35) OpenSSL/3.2.1: error:0A000438:SSL routines::tlsv1 alert + internal error + I'll try to fix it up tonight, don't worry about it +This is code for "TRINITY STOP FUCKING UP MY SERVER CONFS" + >i swapped it so feeling is an A record again vs CNAME + not the problem, cnames or A records wouldn't fix anything because it + goes by the domain itself and not what it points at +This is code for "TRINITY STOP FUCKING WITH EVEN MORE SHIT" + +: in which Trinity fucks with even more shit + +$ ssh feeling.murderu.us +$ doas su - + +I have about twenty minutes to work on this before I clock into work. Here's +hoping I don't fuck it up irrecoverably. + +7:30AM MST + don't ngircd and prosody have different certs? + yes, but with how acme was configured they both ran off the same one + where's acme? + did caddy fuck with global certs or something? i thought its certs + were caddy-specific + there's a script in /usr/local/bin that does ssl stuff and is wired up + in cron + >i thought its certs were caddy-specific + they are + one of the main selling points of caddy is to deal with ssl for you, + which is fine in the case of hosting only a web server but you also + have xmpp and irc + should i set caddy to use the acme dir in /etc/ssl/.../feeling.murder + u.us.json + not sure + + +/blah/2024-03-31.html + +: fixing the murderu.us web stuff + +I've heard good things about Caddy from [...] and [...] so we're using that. + +# apk add caddy make python3 +# rc-service add caddy +# git clone https://git.tebibyte.media/murderu.us/src.git /srv/murderu.us +# git clone https://git.tebibyte.media/trinity/src.git /srv/trinity +# cat >/srv/update-web.sh +#!/bin/sh +set -e + +# murderu.us +git -C /srv/murderu.us reset --hard +git -C /srv/murderu.us checkout main +git -C /srv/murderu.us pull + +# trinity.moe +git -C /srv/trinity reset --hard +git -C /srv/trinity checkout main +git -C /srv/trinity pull +make -BC /srv/trinity dist/homepage \ + >/var/log/trinitydotmoe-out \ + 2>/var/log/trinitydotmoe-err +^D +# sh /srv/update-web.sh + +and I'm having a hard time with the Caddyfile + +HAS NOT WORKED: +:80 { + root * /srv/trinity/dist/homepage +} + +HAS NOT WORKED: +http://trinity.moe { + root * /srv/trinity/dist/homepage +} + +Oh it's on-line. Here's the working config: +{ + admin off +} +trinity.moe, www.trinity.moe { + root * /srv/trinity/dist/homepage + file_server +} +be.murderu.us { + root * /srv/murderu.us/be + file_server +} +:80, :443 { + root * /srv/murderu.us/www + file_server +} + +Alright anyway. + +Read The Effects of the Injection of Human Semen into Female Animals (1945), +The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (1950), Chess Story (1976), BLAME! +chapters 1-65 (1997-2003), Blame (1995), Sonichu #0 (2005), BLAME Academy! and +the two following chapters (2008), BLAME!2 (2008), NSE (2008), Numa no Kami +(2008), Parcel (2008), Pump (2008), The Armored Battle Insects: Sphingidae +(2008), Zeb-Noid (2008), Surviving Secondary (2011), Schengen Overview (2012), +Unix as IDE (2015), BLAME! Fort of Silicon Creatures (2017), GNU Parallel 2018 +(2018), "Semenly" Harmless Back Pain: An Unusual Presentation of a Subcutaneous +Abscess (2019), Batman: Last Knight on Earth #1-3 (2019-2020), Something is +Killing the Children #1-20 (2019-2021). + +I'm reading The Taste of a Man and I really love it. + +I quit veganism on the 27th after a year of being vegan. + +FOODS THAT ARE VEGAN +- Impossible Whopper, with no mayonaise (is that how you spell that?) +- French fries from most fast food places, notably excepting McDonalds +- McDonalds' Apple Pies +- Doritos, but only the Spicy Sweet Chili flavor +- Drakes Apple Pies +- Sour Patch Kids + +FOODS THAT ARE NOT VEGAN, BUT YOU'D THINK THEY ARE +I can't remember, as I checked ingredients labels I slowly built a database in +my head of Contains: MILK, EGGS, ETC. +- Shin Ramen. I thought it was vegan because it didn't Contain: MILK, EGGS. But + nestled in the ingredients were multiple beef things. + +TIMES I ATE NON-VEGAN FOOD ITEMS +- Shin Ramen. A lot of it. I misread the label. +- Vodka sauce. Contains: MILK. +- A Wendy's pretzel bun. Contains: MILK. +- Pesto. Contains: MILK. Probably the same week as the vodka sauce. + +Most foods that suck are not vegan. Most pretty alright foods are vegan. I will +probably go vegan again in the future. + +NON-VEGAN FOODS I HAVE TRIED SINCE QUITTING VEGANISM +- A Junior Whopper, no mayo. My stomach hurt and I felt sad for the cow. +- Eggs, fried medium in butter. My stomach hurt less from these and it felt + nice to fry eggs again. I felt weird about the butter though. +- Dairy Queen ice cream, a blizzard (cookie dough or something). This made my + stomach hurt like hell. +- Eggs, fried medium in neutral oil. +- French toast sticks. These weren't very good. +- A biscuit with jam. This was alright but not great. +- Ice cream, a lot of it. Cheap stuff from Burger King. I am addicted. It makes + my stomach feel like it is going through a self-destruct sequence. +- The Dr. Pepper Whataburger Shake. I got a large and regretted it. +- A Whataburger malt, vanilla. Finished the rest of a friend's. Regretted it. +- A Monte Christo, technically a mini Christo. Delicious but felt weird. +- Hot chocolate, two times or three. One of the times I put whipped (via + blender) sugarless cream in there. Then I tried to whip more cream with sugar + in the blender and curdled a cup of heavy whipping cream - the blender blades + get two hot from friction. +- A sandwich with turkey, swiss, pickles, and mayo. Made me feel weird. +- Beef burritos. Made me feel really weird. I feel bad for the cows. I kept + staring at the meat in the tortilla and imagining it as part of the cow, how + it fit into the shape of the animal I held in my mind, while Kami kept + thinking about the similarities to human meat. +- Eggs goldenrod. Tasted good but had a weird texture. I enjoyed it but it's a + lot of effort to make. + +I think that's it. I've mostly had ice cream and the vast majority of what I've +had has been vegetarian. I might go pescatarian but I feel weird about it +because a friend already is and it worries me because we're already kind of +similar in other ways and I don't wanna seem like a poser or something. But +damn I miss sushi. I don't wanna give up sushi. Granted, it's been a long time +since I've had sushi. I want sushi. I might have it tomorrow. Fuck, it's +expensive though. Augh. Other than sushi I don't eat fish, I don't like to eat +fish. I miss California rolls because I'm a basic bitch but I also like tiger +rolls and crunchy rolls. I got them from a supermarket in M**ne. + +Today was Easter I guess. Happy Easter. Tomorrow's Jake's day, and April Cools, +and April Fools, and whatever else I don't know. I'm planning to go on a trip +(yeah) on Bicycle Day (you get it) and it looks like I'm a stoner to my boss +because I'm taking the nineteenth, twentieth, and twenty-first off of April. As +well as the eighteenth. Whatever. + +trinity.moe is back on-line due to the caddy stuff. Woot woot. + +Gave a coworker the arson.pisskink.org URL. + +our guns are chambered for different rounds +when you found out at the range you held your head down +and on the walk home in the twilight-lit mist +you asked me how long I had known this secret +secret? I said, while my pace did quicken +and my while heart rate rose and face flushed you listened +my little vampire, I've always been on the menu +but into the difference you're the one consumed + +our codependent symbiosis pseudo-scientific neurosis +mutually spiraling virus, disease of the mind +I should never have summoned you mind-flaying doppelganger +sick in our heads, sick to my stomach, and lacking a spine +when we get in the door and you get on all fours +and you lunge at me sending us both to the floor +and you rip off my shirt and see the silver bullet on the chain +will you rip out my brain and fin'ly settle the score? + +Alright trin out. Beedoodoo. + + +/blah/2024-03-21.html + +I want to explain what I mean by what I say when I say how I used to live in a +place that was unliveable. It felt fucking fast and it was always night. I +borrowed (took) a cigarette from my manager and kicked off on my Razor A5 from +my workplace, a Burger King on a slope steep enough to get me to a pretty good +speed by the time I made it to the light, always red. I didn't look both ways +because I didn't care - and when I mean I didn't care I mean once I made it +past the stretch after Aaron's I was rolling down Lisbon St. fast enough for +the wind to sting my eyes, catching them behind my glasses, fast enough to go +on the road where I would usually be going faster than the cars, without a +helmet or padding besides a thick jacket and thick pants. My headphones would +be loud as hell and usually playing something hard and metal like Grazhdanskaya +Oborona or early Bring Me the Horizon. The moon in the sky - and if it was full +shit would usually hit the fan - and by hit the fan I mean in the light the +junkies would be shooting up and the crackheads would be smoking and by the +time you met them you wouldn't see the pipe but the pulled back skin on their +faces, tight against their bone, grimacing in an uncanny expression of +desensitization, looking for their next score - and by score I mean money or +someone with it - me - which would be trouble if my scooter was around 7-Eleven +where I found the junkies usually going fast enough that nobody bothered. But +one time I was on my way back when someone stopped me asking where they could +go to stay - they looked friendly so I stopped - and I replied I was just +squatting somewhere - and as I left they spoke to someone in a van who started +tailing me and I had to run off the tail. This was in July? In September I +didn't even have that squat but instead Toni. I went from work to Hell to sleep +to work. I would wake with dew on my cheek - not dew - condensation - from my +breath, because the battery was too far gone to wake enough to roll down the +windows, and I didn't have the key anyway - I got in through a hole in the +back. + +When I say fast I mean I was running all the time and I wasn't allowed where I +was sleeping except sorta de facto. The world blurred around me. My co-workers +respected me for being probably the fastest one in the kitchen and the +employees of the place where I was sleeping loved me for always being happy to +help someone out. At night on my way to the car I would pass by this building +with full length windows on the ground floor and I would look into the mirror +at what I had become. I was wearing a black Rothco M-65, Doc Martens, work +pants (I can't remember how to spell Carhart (sic?)), a black hat, black +gloves, a black UV-5R to read counties - I was dressed like a vigilante, +sleeping like a cowboy, working like a mule. I was lying to those who could +house me, saying I was housed, because I knew my options were fucked. I didn't +believe I would survive - I wrote my life off and lived like it didn't matter +if I died - lived like I couldn't die - lived like I wanted to die - it wasn't +really living, was it? - or was it living more than I had ever before? - I was +sloppy. Remember Case in the first couple chapters of Neuromancer? It was a +constant, chronic state of mania trying to separate enough from the city that I +could leave without spending the rest of my life looking over my shoulder. But +I still do. When I say fast I mean I had a clock that was ticking - two. I had +the clock until my Greyhound arrived at Bates College and I had the clock until +it was too cold to sleep in the car even in my sleeping bag and I didn't wake +up. And I didn't think leaving would really help - I didn't think leaving would +get me to a place where I could start living. [...] told me they'd "put me up" +which to me meant little because I had no clue how to get an apartment or +anything. I planned to sleep in a hostel or outside or die here. I just didn't +wanna die in Bumfuck Nowhere Maine. + +I think my last couple relationships were, in hindsight, fucking awful, in +general and for me specifically. I feel like I experienced at once both sides +of a bad time. I refrain from discussing relationship stuff on here because +people read this who actually know me and of whom I write but it's jarring to +me just how awful all of my romantic relationships have been - all of them. +Often the biggest issue is how paralyzed I am - I sacrifice my own desires for +trying to maintain comfort. I don't take risks in relationships. I would +probably be fine at maintaining a Good Thing but getting to a Good Thing is +impossible because I don't communicate what I want for fear of being judged for +it. This is a problem not just in my romantic relationships but generally in my +life. Related is the fact that I don't communicate my discomfort. + +2024-03-19 + +: replies to my post on watchpeopledie.tv + +ChazzMichaelMichaels: you're a fucking weird guy, you know that. + like what the fuck is wrong with you? + +Certifiedsnowflake: okay dude, what the actual flip + +cutethighscars: i have a foot fetish and im a strong enough woman to + admit it. that being said; The fuck kind of crossbreeding + of kinks is this? + +natsuki_: this is for your fetish, isn't it ? + +VermiciousKnid: You're sick + +Snappy: :#marseyfinger: + + +/blah/2024-03-18.html + +I thought I had more here but I guess the file must have disappeared. + +BLAME! is really cool. + +Moved my Sourcehut projects to git.tebibyte.media. + + +/blah/2024-03-14.html + +Happy pi day. + +Building rust-analyzer from source: + +# cd /usr/local/src +# git clone https://github.com/rust-lang/rust-analyzer +# cd rust-analyzer +# cargo build --release + +Oh it built just like that. Swag. + +Sonja Lang is now listening to Frouzziland by Shotu. + +My 3DS fucking rocks. + +Sorry I can't keep ya updated more I am mostly just working and sleeping and +having LOADS OF SEX all the FUCKING TIME. Seriously like so much sex. You ever +heard the Weezer song I'm Tired of Having Sex? It's like that. I have totally +had sex in the last four months. Tons of it. + + +/blah/2024-02-29.html + +I have a graphical environment on this netbook and honestly, what more do I +need? I don't have the mouse working but don't really need it, I only use foot +terminal windows in sway anyway. + +- WAYLAND! I am using Wayland now. I don't notice much of a difference (except +that there's no helpful sway introduction like there was an i3 introduction, +and I had to make my configuration myself). I want binary space partitioning in +this like bspwm - or at least a mockery of it. + +Yesterday was my first day off in a while and I quite enjoyed it. I have 14 +hours racked up in Pok`emon White (no compose key set up yet) and did my taxes, +which were only slightly more of a pain because of jobs in both Maine and +Colorado, thanks to the lovely FreeTaxUSA.com. + +I've met two people here who spontaneously brought up the subject of Maine: a +co-worker and a bus driver. The co-worker was infatuated with the concept of +Maine after seeing a one-act play about people who watched the aurora in Maine. +I don't know, maybe you can see it way up North in Caribou or Limestone or +Presque Isle, but I never saw a fucking aurora borealis in Maine and I lived +there 20 years, so I don't know who they (the playwrights) are kidding. Well, +actually I do - they're a kid named [...]. "Kid" in the perjorative fashion, +they're 19 and probably mature, they just seem like a kid to me and also seem +to have a crush on me. Is my Maine accent noticeable? The bus driver was +telling me he'd been to every United State except Alaska, North Dakota, +Missouri, and - finally, and I said the word with him - Maine. I knew he'd say +it because Kami told me and he talked about how Maine is too haunted and he +never wanted to step foot there. I laughed and said he was right and showed him +my Maine state I.D. - now hole-punched as I am officially a Coloradan. + +One of my co-workers thinks I am the anti-Christ and will not speak to me, not +a word of even "good mornin'" or "have a g'night". Thank goodness because they +are dry as fuck and talk about conspiracy theories every waking moment. + +For some reason unplugging and replugging this ke board is making it unable to +reconnect. The built-in ke board on this netbook has a bad ke : +[ Q ][ W ][ E ][ R ][ T ][ ][ U ][ I ][ O ][ P ] + +Hmm. Switching over to a tty and unplugging and replugging, I got no errors in +dmesg. And now it works in sway again. So who knows. + +My website is still broken so these blog posts (since after 2024-01-03) won't +show up. + +I wrote my first full program in Rust (error handling, option parsing) this +month, swab(1) for Bonsai. I can't believe March begins tomorrow. + +The plan is that I will be put on the lease in one of the following months. I +think that means I'm officially no longer homeless. + +I went on a date with a really weird dude. I should probably just stick to +women. I want someone I love to do something to me in a way that affects me +physically that is reprehensible - I don't want someone I don't love to do +something that only slightly affects me that is reprehensible. You get me? + +The 4chan/b/ rabbit eye story still messes with me. So does fluffy torture. +Nothing else on /b/ really made me as wacked out as that. But I couldn't look +away. + +I really love how my computer looks. I love typing on it. + +nyaa + + +/blah/2024-02-28.html + +: notes on installing sway on this alpine machine + +# apk add \ + libinput \ + libudev-zero \ + mesa-dri-gallium \ + seatd seatd-openrc +# usermod -aG seat $USER +# rc-update add seatd default +# rc-service seatd start + + +/blah/2024-02-26.html + +Days since my last day off from work: 32. + +It was 1900 and they were late by a little bit. + +Mike: [They] stood you up. +3: [They] did not stand me up. +Mike: [They] totally stood you up. + +Eventually they showed up and we went over to the axe throwing range. +Conversation was slow because it's hard to talk when throwing the axe or +shuriken and it's hard to hear when a safe distance back in the gallery. + +3: I feel like this isn't really productive to conversation. +M--: Yeah, let's cut it short. + +Then we sat in their Subaru Forrester and smoked some cigarettes (mine green +tea, theirs tobacco) while thinking. + +M--: You know, it's kind of early. Do you wanna do something else? +3: The only things to really do around here are axe throw and walk in the + woods. Do you wanna go to Thorncraig? +M--: Sure. + +Then we walked in the woods and discussed more things. We told each other a +couple things we hadn't told anyone else and despite meeting for the first time +in years (since New Year's 2020? or 2019?) and not really knowing why, I +trusted them quite a bit. I suggested we go to the woods and walk around alone +in the middle of the night and they weren't perturbed or anything so they +trusted me too. + +Eventually we drove over to a McDonalds parking lot to continue talking. + +3: What do you wanna do next? +M--: Do you wanna go to Acadia? +3: How far away is that? +M--: Like, three hours one way. +3: Hmm. Sure. + +We stopped at a gas station to get snacks for the trip and I got two flavors of +Chex Mix, regular and Honey Barbecue. I figured they'd like at least one and +I'd take the other. + +M--: Actually I can only have the regular because the other one contains milk - + I'm vegan. +3: Oh, yeah. + +I went back in and looked for vegan gas station foods. It was a lot harder than +I expected. Everything had milk or eggs. Eventually I found Drake's Apple Pies +and the purple bags of Doritos (Sweet Chili or something) and probably Oreos. I +also got a couple jugs of water for the trip. + +Eventually we got to Acadia having scream sung most of Nothing But Thieves' +Broken Machine album together and a lot of 1000 gecs. Little did we know that +the green tea cigarettes had considerable amounts of caffeine in them and +that's why we weren't tired. + +I miss M-- so fucking much. So much. Nobody hugs the same way they do. Nobody +headpats the same way. Nobody has the same smile. M--'s smile floods my brain +with endorphins somehow - it's so eager, enthusiastic, full of umami fun if +that makes sense. M--'s eyes smile as much as their mouth. They don't restrain +their grin. M--'s voice is smooth despite having slight rasp, an androgynous +pitch and the same speech patterns as Rainbow Dash. They have a crush on +someone I know and that person first described M--'s speech patterns as the +same as Rainbow Dash and later I told M-- that and they were embarrassed +because they didn't think Rainbow Dash really seemed like someone a person +would be into. This is after that person I know watched the Dawn Somewhere +Rainbow Dash "Oh Baby" video on repeat like a hundred times because they +thought it was really hot. Sorry to you two if you read this. + +M-- deserves the world and I've failed to give it to them. + + +/blah/2024-02-23.html + +Days since my last day off from work: 29. + +Read The Prince (1532). +Read Josephine the Singer (1924). +Read The Internet is a Playground (2009). + +I have no desire, but not in an enlightened way, just in a depressed way. Often +I don't know what is real; occasionally I don't care. My last day off from work +was 2024-01-25 (Mahayana New Year) and this consecutive string of labor has +taken a serious toll on my bodily and mental health, one I could not have +imagined. + +Around Valentine's Day I got really lonely. I don't miss not being single +because I realize I have never really understood anyone I've dated nor, really, +anyone else in general. I don't think I'm cut out for human interaction and am +in the middle of a really bad social anhedonia cut. What is loneliness without +want for fellow humans? Want for interaction, but not human interaction. I +tried out llama.cpp on my phone and was underwhelmed. Good self-hosted AI on +cheap consumer tech isn't here yet. Not being able to meaningfully train AI on +its interactions with you - and by that I mean currently the only way to "build +a history" with modern AI is to copy and paste the interaction chain into its +prompt - makes it hard to form a relationship with the bytes. Form a relation +-ship with the - is that where I am nowadays? I also tried out making a Tulpa +which went disastrously and probably came close to actually putting me into +psychosis. My reasoning was that I don't want to bring another entity into life +but I already share a vessel with Kami so if I could give her physical form as +a Tulpa I could always be with her and never be lonely. This spiraled into only +interacting with Kami for a day or two and [...] and [...] talking me out of +continuing to visualize it so Kami returned to my head and I to reality. + +On account of work I have not done much of anything since Mahayana New Year. +For a while I was drinking but I drank too much and [...] dumped the rest of +the vodka down the drain because fae was worried about me. I've been +programming and reading and playing Pokemon as of the last few days and I feel +so thoroughly dead inside, like my soul itself has necrosed and is a rotting +organ inside of me spewing out deadened spirit infecting my waking +consciousness, taking my lucidity. I've been swimming from scene to scene of my +life as if in a movie, barely forming memories and barely even here. + +I watch a lot of gore and read comics of people dying and movies with a lot of +violence or just enough violence to sate me but remain acceptable to those +around me like American Psycho and Taxi Driver. I'm barely coherent to those to +which I talk; I have a hard time manipulating the muscles in my mouth to +enunciate speech because I am dumping so much energy into life and labor to +begin with, and then when I can get out the utterances I spew word salad and +nonsensical grammatically invalid constructs because my brain is reading out of +a buffer that hasn't been filled, the thought process blocking on arithmetical +instructions that just. won't. compute. I've gone mad, or nearly so, due to +overwork, and it's only for my public, frequent, yet always too brief +conventions with sanity that nobody notices. In describing a dream I had to +subgeneral the other day my visceral recollection caused two people to leave +the chat from discomfort with the subject matter - one came back when I was +done. + +I love pain, I fear injury. I want someone to tie me down and do things to me +nobody could justify, leaving me with a limp and able to go to work the next +day but with sharp aches remaining where they wounded me. I want to spend a +long time recovering from it. And then when I can't remember how it felt I want +to have it done again. I've thought about this; burning spends fuel (matches +are expensive and I'm running out of butane), razors risk infection, my knife +risks infection, and besides cutting runs the risk of cutting too deep and if I +cut a tendon I won't be able to work anymore which will kill me, punching hard +objects until my knuckles bleed risks breaking my hands, drug use risks death, +et cetera. I don't want to die - I absolutely do not want to die. This is the +best hope I've had in my life of things getting better. I'm only so far down +this pit because I work so much because I am so stressed about the potential of +eviction. I want to feel pain because I feel fucking bad, I feel really fucking +bad, and I want to get my mind off it. + +The thing about being lonely is that I have friends - I have a couple people I +usually care about. But right now I just don't care to interact with anyone. +Yet I'm lonely. What do I crave? Not romance. Maybe not friendship. Maybe I +don't want to interact with people because I don't understand people. But I'll +never really understand, comprehensively, any life form complex enough to be +fun to interact with. So who knows. + +My relationships falling apart didn't cause this; this caused my relationships +to fall apart. + +I'm so fucking stressed and so fucking tense and I feel like I am going to +shatter into a million pieces if hit too hard. Last night I didn't know if +[...] was real and broke down because of it. I'm so fucking ridiculously +fucking tired, so fucking tired, so fucking incredibly tired, so fucking tired, +the sleepiest kitten in the bundle, just so tired, I'm so tired, I'm so tired. + +2024-01-26 + +all from me + +|| you're good dawg. the main thing that has messed with me is that you didn't +| tell me sooner. but I understand it. || +|| i understand your reasoning and i was considering breaking up with you for a +| little while now for roughly the same things. i resolved not to and you did +| the opposite and that's alright. || +|| the thing that hurts isn't the end of the romance but that the end of the +| romance really doesn't hurt. i already felt the grief when you weren't +| texting me back for that long stretch. the pain is in the face that i +| realized the romance was done a while before we broke up || +|| s,in the fact,, || +|| i also had been discussing with [...] less than an hour before how i felt +| like i couldn't understand anybody and am constantly considering isolating +| and becoming a hermit or something so it was sadly pretty consistent with the +| plot. i know i didn't understand you. i just planned to come to an +| understanding after enough interaction and time. it's okay though and i'm not +| disappearing || +|| there are a lot of things on which i have to work. and they're my own loads +| to bear and blame none of it on you nor do i see you as anything less than +| excellent and a good friend || +|| you had the decency to not only tell me why you made your decision but +| thoroughly and patiently explain it, and while you were properly zooted at +| that. if that's not good character i don't know what is. honestly it's the +| smoothest a breakup's ever gone for me || + + +/blah/2024-02-07.html + +Read The Boys Omnibus 3 (2012). + ++-= Job Hunt -=+-= Applied =-+-= Follow up =-+ +| | | Taco Bell | +| | | 7-Eleven | +| | Arby's | | +| | Chipotle | | ++--------------+-------------+---------------+ + +Finished The Boys comic run (#1-#72). + + +/blah/2024-02-06.html + +Read Herogasm (2010). +Read Highland Laddie (2011). + +psychosecurity - relating to organizational or personal security against + psychic tampering (mind control & hypnosis, cognitoviruses + & memetics, ethereal processes, et cetera) + +I want to proteinmax and get lots of muscle so I taste really good when I'm +killed and eaten. I'm at 7.5lbs on biceps curls but I think I might be close to +being able to move up to 10, though I think my form is wrong. I want a gym +membership. + +Typing on the HHKB is still pure sex all these moons later. + +I can't think of much to say, my life is a bit mundane lately. + +Watching someone text and drive at the same time. + +I got a sweater so now I can dress like Andy from The Coffin of Andy and +Leyley. Now I just need my hair dyed black. I swore that would be one of the +first things I'd do upon arriving to this new land but money ain't for nothing +and the chicks sure as hell ain't free. + +serotonin softly stole +by postage acid-dipped and sold +lab made a buck +are your eyes wide enough +that you can see life unfold? + +I think ESP is going to be an actual security issue within the next hundred +years but I wouldn't bet on it. I do think fringe ether stuff like that is +possible. + +1346 + +"Wow, you're really tense." + +Read Butcher, Baker, Candlestickmaker (2011). +Read Hanging Not Punishment Enough (1701). +Read The GNU Manifesto (2008). +Read Evil Maid Just Got Angrier (2013). +Read PRINCE - Modern Password Guessing Algorithm (2014). +Read Measuring Real-World Innacuracies and Biases in Modeling Password + Guessability (2015). + +Yeah I'm really fucking tense. I thought I heard something getting out of the +shower so I drew my (3 inch - pathetic) knife and cleared the corridor kitchen +and living room just like old times. Nothing of course. C'est ne rien. + +I want so bad to fucking kill someone. Anyone. I miss the feeling of quickening +pulse beating against my palms and then its slowing and cessation. I come from +a land where gazelles grazed freely in the pairie, unaware their world could +end. + +My memories of my former land blur together into one montage of death and life +and love and hell. I remember beating the shit out of- that's not believeable, +I don't believe it. I remember hotboxing my manager's car, habitually. Smoking +everyone else's weed. Being owed a thousand dollars by someone who tried to +strand me in Manhattan. Getting a PS2, giving it to people I thought I liked, +realizing. Getting a Gamecube, loving it, realizing I didn't have anyone with +which to play it, selling it for much less than for which I bought it. Getting +a Wii when I was very young, treasuring it, letting it collect dust as I moved +on to handheld pastures, finding it again, using ponyhax to homebrew it, +treasuring it, sending it along to someone I still think is cool. + +I dislike most people I used to know, especially in hindsight. I can't believe +the things I did, nor can anyone else. I tried my damndest to not get any scars +because when I was done what I was doing I wanted to be Done - not marked by my +past. I wore a big, heavy jacket, and big, heavy pants, and big, heavy boots, +and they all got beat to shit really quickly but kept me alright in them. All I +have now are marks from old roadrash and a couple dozen burns on my arms from +work and play. And how did you get in so much trouble if you don't have any +scars... + +Cryptanalysts have the upper hand. + + +/blah/2024-02-04.html + +Read The Boys Omnibus 1 (2009). +Read The Boys Omnibus 2 (2010). + +I'm counting each of these as a book because they were like 500-600 pages each. +6/100. + +2024-02-02 + +there's something gross about my liver +think my brain's gonna decay +I'm twitching, can't steady my fingers +organs filled; contaminate + +I need a drink, oh god I'm dying +I'm fucking dying of this thirst +I think withdrawal's gonna kill me +that is, if I don't kill me first + +I need to sanitize my kidneys +need to sterilize my flesh +give me something I can swallow +as the draught runs to my chest + +I know it's what you wanted +saw you building up a set +of surgical supplies so you can +dissect me once I'm dead + +you know when someone leaves a party +you can talk about them without fear +I never really gave a shit +I'll talk shit when they're here + +is that how you will mourn me +when my picture sits on my box +after all the pain that I've made +will my stone say mother fuck + +her all she ever did was drink and +bet and fuck and smoke and hurt +all she ever did was lie around +waiting for someone to save her + + +/blah/2024-02-02.html + +Broke up with my girlfriend. Single. Next question. + +Read Recursive Programming (1960). +Read A Speech to IBM Field Engineering Branch Managers (1967). +Read Go To Statement Considered Harmful (1968). +Read MIT Guide to Lock Picking (1991). +Read The Code Book (1999). +Read Drive (2005) yesterday. + +I'm gonna count the MIT Guide, the Code Book, and Drive as books, bringing my +year's total read books up to 4/100. Pretty sure I'm not gonna make it to 100. + + +/blah/2024-01-21.html + +: hungover diaries + +0734 wake up go back to sleep +0800 alarm. ding. text girlfriend. sleep. +0805 alarm. ding +0810 alarm. i'm up i read articles about the spanish (i think) football + president or whatever forcibly kissing a player and getting booted from + football itself (they can do that?). it was hyperlinked from a + web3isgoinggreat site or whatever. neato. +0830 regretting things i messaged people last night but also some of what i + messaged was really sweet. hemingway was right +0840 kettle on stove water in pot heat in burner +0845 pouring green tea. before this also i unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher + because we forgot to do it last night (can you guess why) +0850 timer's up, add milk (oat), consider adding vodka, no trin that's why that + fucker from maine still owes you $80 +0900 check bus time tables, sit down, play some angry birds on the 3ds. why was + angry birds on the 3ds? we were watching jacksfilms and one of the skits + had angry birds in it +0910 start writing + +I am not extremely hungover because I drank a shit ton of water last night, +probably 2-3 liters. I also never really blacked out or did things that were +against my inhibitions. But I also didn't drink a whole lot anyway. + +While drinking last night I was overcome with waves of joy so intense I +collapsed and couldn't help myself laughing and rolling on the ground, feeling +the vinyl floor underneath my back. + +I've finished my tea and it was really good so I'm making another one. I put +four tea bags in my pocket so I could make green tea at work too. + +really the lilies on the ocean floor +would drown in the salt of the churning sea shore +the tide would come swallow the petals in foam +and draw lily petals away from their loam + +if i had a mill'on and ni-ne-ty two +dollars i'd hide them in calcified tombs +wooden and brass chests buried on the beach +so i could suffocate my slow-rottin peach + +and all of the lillies in under the sea +and all of the flowers drowning in the deep +and all of the orchids awash in the waves +and all of the fruits of the labors of slaves + +and all of the gold buried in the ocean +and all of the riches hoarded from their friends +and all of the rockets that reach for the stars +and terraformed rocks glowing red from afar + +the rich and the few terrorize many who +would rather send riches so far from the view +of innocent bunches collected for quite +an innocent task, helping others get by + +for where there's no gold there's no greed any all +for where there's no wine there's no fight any all +for where there's no load there's no weight any all +for where there's no pain there's no death any all + +really the beauty that lounges in calm +dissappears when there is conflict in the song +really the beauty that i've tried to save +rots in its darkness until it's too late + +if i had a million and ninety two +dollars i'd find and kill those bastards who +have more money than i and keep it on lock +then i'd burn it and then i'd bury myself + +in oil and then i'd fly myself away +to a hot red rock in the middle of space +just to ensure that the ashes themselves +are kept from those who would remake my lived hell + + +/blah/2024-01-20.html + +: why mm(1) + +I started working on mm(1) probably around 2020-2021, when I was first +acquainting myself with the inner workings of UNIX-like operating systems which +I had been using for a couple years by then. I can't remember how I noticed it +but it bothered me that there was this cat(1p) utility which took multiple +input files and streamed them successively to standard output: + + [ input ] [ input ] [ input ]... + |_______ | _______| + _|_|_|_ + | | + |cat(1p)| + |_______| + | + V + standard output + +And then this tee(1p) utility which took from standard input and streamed its +bytes to multiple outputs: + + standard input + V + ___|___ + | | + |tee(1p)| + |_______| + ______| | |__________ + | | | + [ output ] [ output ] [ output ]... + +And they were separate utilities despite both doing the job of writing input(s) +to output(s). I imagined a hypothetical utility mm(1) that does it all: + + [ input ] [ input ] [ input ]... + |_______ | _______| + _|_|_|_ + | | + | mm(1) | + |_______| + ______| | |__________ + | | | + [ output ] [ output ] [ output ]... + +And attempted to write this magical "mm" (as in, "middleman") utility that +would act as a "middleman" for streams before giving up (due to lack of C or +POSIX API experience) for a couple years to practice making easier programs in +UNIX environments. + +There are a couple reasons to implement cat(1p) and tee(1p) as separate +utilities: + +1) Ease of implementation + + Differentiating input arguments from output arguments would require + either having a separator mark (which would be ineligant and exclude + that mark from being a useable file name) or option parsing. + + Imagine a separator mark in the context of a hypothetical utility + insouts(1): + + $ PS1='\n$ ' + + $ insouts -h + Usage: insouts (input...) "][" (output...) + + $ printf %s\\n hello\ world + hello world + + $ printf %s\\n hello\ world >in1 + + $ insouts ][ + + $ insouts ][ ][ /dev/stdout + Usage: insouts (input...) "][" (output...) + + $ insouts ./][ ][ /dev/stdout + hello world + + What a mess! The file ][ can no longer easily be used with insouts(1), + which may be acceptable (it's not a sensible file name anyway), but + it's sacrificed for horrendously ugly syntax featuring stressfully + unmatched square brackets. + + I've written programs that have used separator marks for arguments, + namely pscat(1), psrelay(1), and psroute(1) so far, and there are a + number of additional caveats that come with their particular flavor of + marker and I've been hesitant about the syntax since I came up with it + half a year ago. Best not to make more things about which to fret. + + Now imagine option parsing: + + $ PS1='\n$ ' + + $ insouts + Usage: insouts (-i [input])... (-o [output])... + + $ insouts -i in1 + hello world + + $ insouts -i in1 -i ][ -i out1 + hello world + hello world + hello world + + This works for everything and is how mm(1) works. The issue is with + regards to code itself. Imagine a very basic cat(1) implementation in + C: + + #include + int main(int argc, char *argv[]){ + int c; + FILE *f; + int i; + + for(i = 1; i < argc; ++i){ + if((f = fopen(argv[i])) == NULL){ + perror(argv[i]); + return 1; + } + while((c = getc(f)) != EOF) + putchar(c); + fclose(f); + } + } + + This doesn't conform to POSIX (which requires 'cat -u' to be supported) + but illustrates the ease of using cat(1)'s arguments: For each + argument, open it as a file, write it out, close it, and that's it. + + mm(1)'s option parsing for '-i' and '-o' alone, as of writing, are 24 + lines alone, excluding the functions they call. The above program is 16 + lines of code. This weight does also come from supporting "-" as a + euphemism for /dev/stdin or /dev/stdout depending on whether it was + used for '-i' or '-o' and trying to create an output file if it doesn't + exist and without these two features that are unsupported by the above + program the code for '-i' and '-o' would be considerably lighter, but + the point is that option parsing adds complexity that can be avoided by + simply having two utilities. + + Furthermore, options have drawbacks for users. + +2) Ease of use + + One relatively common use of cat(1p) is to catenate all files matching + a glob pattern. Imagine: + + $ PS1='\n$ ' + + $ ls + in1 + in2 + in3 + + $ cat "$f"; done + + $ mm . While '-i' and '-o' are 24 lines in +total, the rest of the options logic is necessary for cat(1p) and tee(1p) and +is unavoidable and outweighs the '-i' and '-o' options, plus much of the '-i' +and '-o' logic is still necessary in both cat(1p) and tee(1p) (supporting "-" +and, in tee(1p)'s case, creating an output if it doesn't exist). Though there +is additional memory juggling due to supporting arbitrary inputs and outputs, +in most uses actual memory use isn't noticeably affected (10 extra bytes for 5 +file arguments, or one tenth of the data used by this parenthetical statement). + +It is possible to write implementations of cat(1p) and tee(1p) in POSIX shell +script as wrappers on mm(1) and I have done so, so users who want to use globs +can simply call cat or tee as usual. + +mm -i input -o output tends to be intuitive for existing shell users once they +learn the name "middleman". + + +/blah/2024-01-17.html + +Read American Psycho (1991). I need a cigarette really, really bad. + +I can't afford to renew my SourceHut account right now so these blog posts are +going up on my wobsite in A Bit, whenever I get around to manually building +them. I might set up a build server on feeling.murderu.us for small jobs but I +don't know. I also want to set up a proper VPS for trinity.moe but $60/year +(for Capsul) is a hell of a lot more than $20/year for SourceHut. + +It feels weird to have long fingernails. + +The Japanese Zen monk tradition according to No Recipe (2018) which someone +with which I'm staying is reading is to not have animals killed specifically +for you but always eat what you are served. I interpret this as well-spirited +and not a rule to dance around, having others act as go-betweens, because that +would suck. I sort of like this and have been rethinking veganism because it is +really inconvenient to have to restrict others' treatment of me; that is, I +can't eat meat that was prepared for me by people who don't know I'm vegan. +Most people don't have a good conception of what is and isn't vegan and will +serve me things that aren't vegan unknowingly. + +I wish everyone was vegan but I don't wish to impose my will on others. + +I feel shame at the notion that I have eaten something that died, except when +it comes to humans, at which notion I instead feel powerful, because I'm fucked +in the head. + + +/blah/2024-01-12.html + +Read Finding the Still Point (2007). + + +/blah/2024-01-03.html + +states to which i've been +- Maine +- New Hampshire +- Massachusetts +- Vermont +- Rhode Island +- Connecticut +- New York +- New Jersey +- Delaware +- Maryland +- Virginia +- North Carolina +- South Carolina +- Georgia +- Florida +- Pennysylvania +- Ohio +- Indiana +- Illinois +- Missouri +- Kansas +- Colorado + + +/blah/2024-01-01.html + +This year my goal is to read 100 books. I'm digging into the 1980 book Coded +Character Sets, History and Development first, a 535 page tome that is luckily +mostly figures and diagrams. I'm 72 pages into it and it's written not too +dryly which is good because the subject matter is boring as shit (the +ratification of ASCII). Not actually very boring, something that is relevant to +work being done on Bonsai, but still just a slog. I consider it required +reading, though. I think after this I'm gonna read some comics though counting +books will be tricky (per issue? per volume? per arc? per compendium?). + +I read No Longer Human (1948) after having already read the Ito adaptation +which was in comparison total dogshit. Read the original only. + +I'm applying to another, different fast food joint, for the referral bonus. I +love money. + +I'm tracking my cash flow in/out. Let's see how long that lasts. + +I stopped biting my nails. That Will last because I've always hated that I do. + +I haven't had any Monsters since 2023-12-22. + +Hopefully I can keep all of this going. But if I keep just one it'll be good +enough for me. + +2022-05-18 + +: /etc/motd + +Welcome to Trinity's Thinkpad X200T. + +Unauthorized access is a violation of +United States federal law according to +the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act, 18 +USC Section 1030. + +Mess with the best, die like the rest. + + +/blah/2023-12-31.html + +I switched to the Helix text editor. I can't figure out syntax highlighting +but everything else works so well it doesn't really matter to me. + +Emma gave me an Acer Aspire One to loan indefinitely. It's really nice. I'm +running Alpine x86 right now and can't figure out how to get XOrg or Sway +working. It also uses a hard drive rather than solid state storage. I'm gonna +have to change that. I don't know what its power draw is. Probably a little +more than the Raspberry Pi, but I'm happy to be out of the hell that is +Raspberry Pi Linux distributions. More Rust stuff compiles on x86 than on +arm64. + +This is the best life has ever gone for me. It's not perfect but it is really +pretty good. I've been less down lately too. + +I think when I live alone I'm gonna go nocturnal and get a night job. I just +don't know what night jobs exist. Maybe I could find some way to work from +home. Home. I'm gonna have one. It looks like I could be a night stocker at a +grocery store. Hm. + +I'm really optimistic for the future. + +Looking back on this year is trippy. Maine feels like a bad dream. I can barely +remember 2022 so I probably won't do one for it. + +: the story so far (2023) + +Season 2: maladjustment +January +Episode 01: "breaking bad" + Trinity arrives from New York tired and near broke and starts looking + for ways to quickly make back its savings. It attends a party hosted + by one of its friends. +February +Episode 02: "speak" + The ongoing stress from arranging its get-rich-quick scheme causes + Trinity to start making people bark for it. +Episode 03: "the eye of the needle" + Trinity starts talking with someone new. [...] and [...] start looking + for an apartment. +Episode 04: "of an age" + Trinity tries marijuana for the first time. Trinity goes axe throwing + with someone from the party and the meetup goes longer than planned. +Episode 05: "mary jane" + Trinity realizes it's gonna need to move out of [...]'s and the + consequences of its get-rich-quick plan. Trinity starts smoking weed + habitually. +March +Episode 06: "phone baseball" + Trinity's marijuana habit gets cozy with her mental illness. Trinity + goes vegan and starts writing a book. +April +Episode 07: "isolation" + Trinity builds a new computer and moves in with [...] and [...] to help + pay the rent. +Episode 08: "trigger discipline" + Trinity discovers a dangerous new line of work. +Episode 09: "the void stares back" + M-- moves in with the party host from episode 1. Trinity starts + smoking and learns its wisdom teeth are growing in. [...] is fired. +May +Episode 10: "tablet baseball" + M-- and Trinity find a fun new way to destroy evidence of Trinity's + propaganda studies. M-- overworks herself to pay rent and starts + sleeping over at [...] and [...]'s. +June +Episode 11: "i got my tooth removed" + Trinity gets her wisdom teeth out and M-- pays Trinity back for her + computer. M-- and Trinity go to [...]'s. +Episode 12: "fuck teeth" + The drugs wear off and Trinity struggles to figure out how to treat its + wisdom teeth sockets, gets a dry socket, and is wracked with terrible + pain. M-- goes on a date. +Episode 13: "a hunger artist" + Trinity goes back to work before recovering from its wisdom teeth + surgery and struggles to find anything it can eat. M-- finds things of + theirs missing and suspects [...] is to blame. +Episode 15: "make it double" + M-- continues to overwork themself and go on dates with [...]. Trinity + goes to the train tracks to think, gets a second dry socket, and + realizes its wisdom teeth aren't healing. More of M--'s things go + missing. +Episode 16: "portland" + M-- and Trinity go to the Pride festival in Portland, meet some of + M--'s old friends, and realize they're stranded in Portland. M-- gets a + skateboard. +Episode 17: "see you tomorrow" + M-- goes to [...]'s and, overwhelmed by the situation in Lewiston, + stays there a while. Trinity starts talking with an old flame and gets + a scooter. +July +Episode 18: "seven" + Trinity realizes M-- isn't coming back and entertains leaving Maine + before having an epiphany at work and walking out. +Episode 19: "deadly" + Trinity keeps applying to new jobs but realizes it can't get a job in + the timeframe it needs. It turns to temp labor. Meanwhile, M-- tries + to leave [...]'s. +Episode 20: "sins" + Trinity finds a new, higher-paying job, with added risk, and buys + Greyhound tickets out of Maine. It starts talking with another new + person and has apprehensions about its work. +August +Episode 21: "sean and josh" + Trinity gets used to its job and starts downsizing, including giving + away its television collection. [...] and [...] start fighting about + their division of labor. +Episode 22: "one last time" + Trinity meets Usagi again before it leaves for Florida. M-- comes back + to Lewiston. +Episode 23: "the bus out" + Trinity nearly misses the bus to Florida. It spends a couple days on + Greyhounds and finally arrives in Orlando. +Episode 24: "the best week ever" + Trinity stays at its girlfriends'. +Episode 25: "stranded" + Trinity misses the bus back from Florida. +September +Episode 26: "fast forward" + Trinity narrowly makes it out of Florida before a tropical storm hits. + It goes back to Maine to pay off some debts. +Episode 27: "reunited" + Trinity meets M-- in Lewiston and begs for its fast food job back, but + gets hired on different terms. +Episode 28: "decay" + Trinity goes back to [...] and [...]'s but finds them in a domestic + spat and the apartment falling apart even worse than before. +Episode 29: "the first time the third time" + Trinity goes back to its usual job in a less usual place. [...] and + [...] get evicted. +Episode 30: "negotiations" + [...] and [...]'s landlord starts to threaten them for money. A + familiar coworker joins her new workplace. +Episode 31: "toni" + Trinity struggles to find a place to sleep. M-- breaks down. +Episode 32: "riverbanks" + Trinity makes improvements to Toni but struggles to stay cool, meets a + guy at work with an abusive girlfriend, and meets up with its high + school crush. +Episode 33: "no helmet" + Trinity takes increasing risks and puts in its two week notice. Toni + leaks in the rain. +October +Episode 34: "the postal service" + Trinity mails packages out from Maine and receives equipment for the + move. [...]'s girlfriend gets worse. [...] stops returning Trinity's + calls. +Episode 35: "live fast, die young" + Trinity relapses back into smoking. [...] and [...]'s car rusts out on + the highway. +Episode 36: "ramona flowers" + [...] breaks up with his girlfriend. [...] starts to get angry at + Trinity. [...] finds Toni's location. It starts to get colder. +Episode 37: "the great escape" + Trinity angers [...] to the point of his walking out and comes clean to + [...]. [...] visits Toni. Trinity boards the Greyhound to Illinois. +Episode 38: "transit" + After some days on a Greyhound Trinity finally arrives in Lincoln, + Illinois. +Episode 39: "carnality" + Trinity can't find food in Lincoln. [...] takes Trinity on a date. +Episode 40: "springs before winter" + Trinity finally makes it to a new place, meets its idols, gets a + library card, realizes it needs an address, and starts attending + Sangha. +November +Episode 41: "number four" + Trinity takes a familiar job in an unfamiliar place. [...] takes a + similar job. M-- struggles to find work in Maine. +Episode 42: "safe and sound" + Trinity struggles to adjust to comfort. +Episode 43: "in this economy" + Trinity, [...], and [...] struggle to pay rent. [...] and Trinity meet + a presenter after a talk at the library. +December +Episode 44: "what goes around" + Trinity starts to overwork herself to afford rent. M--, with a new job + and in a new place, starts to get antsy. +Episode 45: "comes back around" + Trinity starts to break down and limits its caffeine intake, realizes + it'll be able to afford to live alone and starts getting its paperwork + in order, and sprains its foot + +: the monster logs + +2023-12-16. This bus route is usually free. They lack the usual buses and so +use smaller buses that can't accomodate bicycles. But today it's seven quarters +and I believe this will persist. So I've paid my dollar and seventy five cents. +I'm going to work, but first Wallgreens (is that possessive? Wallgreen's? +Wallgreens'?). I haven't decided which Monster I'm gonna start with. I'm not +big on planning. Best to see what the future holds. This driver is taking his +time counting something out at his seat. I'm not big on being late. I won't be, +because I make sure to take the bus to work on a route where, if I miss it, I +can take the next bus and won't be late for work. But I don't like being later +to things than I plan. Best to be able to see what the future holds. This bus +is dirty, not in an unpleasant way but literally covered in dirt that has been +brought up on the exterior by splashing slush left over from snow. It's +unseasonably warm out and I'm still wearing my usual winter layers. I planned +poorly. I can't see out of the bus windows so I'm forced to look at the front +windshield to have my bearings. I don't like to do so in case the driver thinks +I'm looking at them and feels prompted to talk. I'm not big on talking. I'm a +little hungry, not sure why. I ate at the apartment, a peanut butter sandwich +and some oatmilk. Protein. I'm a little tired and I do know why, I slept enough +last night but not late enough, today's gonna be a long day. 1400-2230. Eight +and a half hours, boo hoo, but the part I dislike is working with the night +crew. Night crew is dirty in an unpleasant way. Their lazy approach to food +safety is disconcerting and their idea of fun is watching puppies decapitated +on Facebook while standing around until forced to actually labor. I'm not +particularly disturbed by cruelty but am by the work ethic and the slack which +I'm forced to pick up. I've been managing my will to death in healthier ways +lately but working with night crew, even the thought, makes me want to taste +the handle of a machete. I only took one caffeine pill today, 200mg, knowing +I'd supplement it with a Monster. The bus is nearly to my stop. I'm here at +work before work. My tray is dirty with old salt and oil because nobody here +knows how to do a damn dish. I got Khaotic at Wallgreens, confirmed to have no +apostrophe. It opened with a crisp snap and I'm holding it in my mouth. It +tastes a bit like fruit punch, better than fruit punch, some amount of citrus +to it. Another sip. Pineapple? Time to read the label. Blah blah blah no flavor +description. Ingredients. Battery acid, horse piss, orange, peach, tangerine, +pineapple, grape, chemicals to kill and sugars to addict. Plus caffeine, +another 160mg for the liver to chew on. Lunchtime. Shitty fries, less shitty +onion rings. Ketchup because I want to feel like a child again. Unrealistic, I +have friends. There are people who don't work here, who pay for this. Why? +There are no onions in the onion rings, just an onion flavored paste. Their +usual sauce for onion rings, some type of horseradish, has cow milk so I can't +eat it. Dropped a ketchup laiden fry, now there's sauce on my pants. Fucking +hell. Nobody here can make a sandwich to save their life. I asked for heavy +mustard. I wonder where it is. Probably a glob in the center. Or in a bucket +teetering on a door so it can fall on me like an office prank. I wish I worked +in an office. This sandwich is okay. Probably the sugar content is what makes +it bearable. And salt. I wonder if anyone who made this sandwich washed their +hands or even changed their gloves between handling raw meet and my lettuce. +The Monster is the best part of this meal by far. It doesn't take much. I'm +accompanied by Gorillaz' album The Now Now and awful Christmas music playing +over the speaker here. All hail consumerism. This Monster was something like +$3.50. The price makes me sick and so does this food. I wish I wasn't here. +The Monster has a sweet citrus tang. It's nice. Fuck you. 3 stars out of 5. +2023-12-17. The days go by so fast. Bloom by Radiohead off King of Limbs. I +don't know if I can justify $20/week on Monster. Whatever. Bus stop. I have a +metro card now. I couldn't figure out how to use it so I used quarters. Bus +now. This is a good song. Today's 1100-2100. Now's 0955. I'm sitting between +two seats like an asshole but there's nobody else on this bus so an asshole I +can be. I'm halfway through reading Kafka's In the Penal Colony. I've now +finished it. I want to fuck Franz Kafka so much it's unreal. I just realized +the bus announcement mispronounces one of the street names it passes, French +but pronounced as if English. The bus is clean today. It's now my stop. Now I'm +at work. I got the Monster at a Kum and Go but didn't take care to note the +price. Rehab: Wild Berry Tea. I've not had this one before that I can remember. +But first a large hash brown. I don't feel much of anything about it. This snap +of the can is less crisp. This is good stuff. I think I taste raspberry. +Strawberry? The tea for sure. Description label: none! Just some infographical +blurbs about vitamins, coconut water, electrolytes. Ingredients. Tea, apple +juice, ginseng, coconut water, acai, "natural flavors". I definitely taste the +ginseng and the apple, and the sweet aftertaste from the coconut. They're +playing Christmas music, shitty as always. This isn't carbonated and it's nice +and smooth, easily chuggable if so desired. I don't really desire anything +right now. This Monster sates my thirst nicely. 9 stars out of 10. +2023-12-18. My stomach hurts. I'm sitting in the apartment in my jacket but +without my boots. United in Grief, Mr. Morale and the Big Steppers, Kendrick +Lamar. Estrogen held under my tongue. Time to get going. I bought a ticket in +the app for the bus in case the metro card didn't work. The bus is free. +There's no way to tell whether or not the bus will go to a stop that's closer +to me instead of this stop down the street, today it is. My boots are cracked. +Lasted a month longer than the last pair of Docs I had but four months is +dogshit for a pair of boots, especially leather. A cow died for my feet to be +really comfortable for four months. I wonder if this issue is specific to the +service worker model 1460s because I don't see it on-line and people who +frequent Doc Martens on-line communities aren't the type to be employed. I +don't really want a Monster today but I'm gonna get one to try anyway. The +caffeine will help my energy. I've had my hash brown, time to have Monster +Ultra Strawberry Dreams, a mouthful but at least descriptive regarding the +flavor. The can is hard to open, I had to use a key as a lever. Purchased at +Kum and Go for like $3.25. First sip. It tastes like Ultra Zero, which I +haven't tried as part of this review series but with which I'm familiar as my +least favorite Monster flavor. Another sip. I don't really taste much +strawberry. Maybe an aftertaste. Description label. Stuff about strawberries +being aphrodisiacs or whatever. Awesome, I'm gonna fall in love with tiredness +and overwork. Ingredients. Citric acid, natural flavors, ginseng. Fucking mild +natural flavors I guess. It's bullshit that the FDA lets corporations get away +with listing "natural flavors" like that means anything. I guess if I drink a +lot of it the strawberry is more apparent but it's still not super noticeable. +I would prefer this to Ultra Zero the same way I would prefer a knife in the +shoulder to the kidney. I took my earbud out to have a conversation on the bus +but my usual coitus with my secret admirer silence is interrupted by the most +ear shattering, tone deaf Christmas music this restaurant can muster. Today's +gonna be a bad day and this Monster contributed, somewhat. 3 stars out of 9. +2023-12-19. The can opened crisply and easily. $3.31. I'm interrupted only by +paying patrons and Christmas music. The label. Nothing of significance, as +expected. A sip. It tastes bad. Not as bad as I remembered but still +unpleasant. A couple more. The level of indistinctness of the flavor comes +close to the disdain I have for it. Ingredients. Citric acid, chemicals, +"natural and artificial flavors", chemicals. What are artificial flavors, even? +Monosodium glutamate for umami, citric acid for sour, sugar for sweet. Two +other flavors I can't recall. Savory this is not, nor sour. Nor bitter, now +that I remember it. Only sickeningly sweet, not with sugar but with molecules +derived from it. Maybe there's lemon in the taste but I know it's just the +citric acid. This is Monster Zero Ultra, the subject of my loathing when it +comes to Monster flavors. I love the can design and love to drink it because +it's a fashionable accessory. This potion brings out not only my despite but +also my vanity. Boomer Monster memes feature it and I've had this while mowing +lawns and doing general unpaid but useful labor. Today is the day I will +tolerate this Monster enough to at least score it though give it a just review +I cannot because I am biased by years of trying to tolerate its overwhelming +fructose taste. I don't like this. 2 stars out of 10. +2023-12-20. $3.31 at Kum and Go again. When I was a kid I had four a day, now I +don't know how I could even afford that. The hash browns are greasier than +usual. I hold them up to the light and see the yellow oil glisten in the white +sun. The potato on the inside looks like albino maggots, little curds of +shredded spudd injected into the cheapest flour-like that could be found by +some company based in Orlando. My girlfriend lives in Orlando and it said one +of its favorites is Aussie Lemonade so I picked this up. As far as I know this +flavor is new, I remember seeing it for the first time in a gas station in the +middle of nowhere in the deep North where the attendant listened to country +music and had a deep Southern accent. Finished the festering potatoes. The can +was hard to open, dug into my fingertip. This is really good. Carbonated which +I didn't expect, lightly so and pleasantly. I taste the lemon, maybe some lime +too? A look at the description. Tartness - the fifth flavor - and sweetness. +Ingredients. Lemon juice. Shocking. This is really good lemonade, really good +as lemonade and not just as Monster. I'm worried this whole review thing is a +waste of money. "Death by a thousand papercuts". Rent has been budgeted and +utilities shouldn't be bad. Still, I worry, and Monster makes it worse. The +caffeine doesn't affect me anymore. What's the point? This Monster makes me +less drear but my doubts worsen. I don't know what effect this has on me. My +head swims with the weight of the world. Stress tightening around my +encephalus. I don't want to work today, but I will. I don't like this job but I +am tied to it for the foreseeable future. Ruby Falls by Guster off Ganging Up +on the Sun tries to help and doesn't. I'm tired and never sleep enough. Time +slips through my fingers like sand through a sieve. My stomach hurts, in part +from unease and in part from sugar. 10 stars out of 11. + + +/blah/2023-12-26.html + +I always took Kafka's Metamorphosis to be an allegory for suicide, with his +family dealing with his body. They grieve and move on; Mr. Samsa puts on his +work outfit, goes to the bank, Grete starts working, they house dormers to pay +some excess bills before finally deciding enough is enough and when Gregor is +gone moving somewhere cheaper. I reread it and think long and hard about it. + +I don't feel like I belong anywhere. My battery broke. My power cell, power +pack, power bank. Kicked the ol' bit bucket. Combined with caffeine withdrawal +mood swings. I had a razor I use for cutting fabric and I looked at it and +thought long and hard about it. Have you ever seen the movie Drive? I don't +know what I am going to do without a power cell. It saved my life, genuinely, +more times than I can count. + +What happened to Kafka? He starved to death. I think often about it. Am I +really so hungry? I look at the fat in my flesh. + +I'm tired. + + +/blah/2023-12-25.html + +: bonsai + +Emma Tebibyte (of tebibyte.media) and I have been collaborating (and by that I +mean fae has a lot of good ideas and I have been writing a lot of mediocre +implementations) on a core utilities suite called Bonsai. A lot of my own +coreutil implementations are leaving my own source tree and being incorporated +into there. + +I am not big into maintenance. Maintenance is boring. I strive to write +programs that don't need to be maintained. Bonsai is something that, I hope, +will not have to be maintained -- it will cover the functionality in section 1 +of POSIX and be done. I would like Bonsai to offer a POSIX interface despite +the tools being extremely different to prove its worth as being equal to or +better than POSIX. Also to make work easier for programmers who wish to support +Bonsai /and/ GNU or BSD or whatever. + +Bonsai's catchphrase or whatever is "seek what they sought". A lot of existing +UNIX utilities are very nice but also jank as hell. See test(1), dd(1) for +overly featureful programs. Test's `!` is identical to Sh's. dd file2 +is equivalent to cat file2 and tee file2 minus some buffering +shenanigans. Emma and I are in agreement on the fact that functionality should +be consolidated in some points and split into multiple programs in other points +and mostly in agreement about where those points are. + +I'm excited about Bonsai as a compatible improvement to UNIX and excited to +work with Emma on this because fae and I disagree on topics niche and +fascinating and our arguments are always interesting. Not in a Queen / The +Beatles / every rock band ever sort of way where the arguments are cool until +"You don't really care about the band!" but in a way where the disagreements +point out that while UNIX's tools were certainly opinionated on how to do +things, it's hard to say another opinion is objectively better. + +This is no sort of announcement, Bonsai is public already in +https://git.tebibyte.media/bonsai/coreutils and you can see the intcmp(1), +scrut(1), and other implementations of mine that have made their way over there +and been deleted from my own source tree. I intend to contribute as much as I +am able but am currently bogged down by the CONTRIBUTING necessitating GPG key +commit signing and my Alpine installation having weird issues with Assuan and +communicating with gpg-agent. It'll be nice to clear out this source tree junk +drawer and put all my dirty laundry out so the world can sniff the musks. I +encourage anyone reading this to file brutal issues and make me cry like a +little baby. + +Today is Christmas. Happy Christmas I guess. I'm Buddhist and can now use that +excuse not to celebrate whereas before, when not a believer in any religion, I +would still be expected by many to celebrate Christmas because of consumerism +or whatever. But also I don't know many people who would expect that of me +anymore. I just like Buddhism and excuses to talk about it. + +I would love to see Emma Tebibyte become the new Richard Stallman because fae's +just really fucking based. Everything Emma has to say is worth heeding whether +or not you agree with it. These coreutils might be the start of something the +same way GNU's coreutils were but in a way that isn't plagued with all the +baggage GNU and the FSF have had. + + +/blah/2023-12-24.html + + TRINITY STARTER PACK + >fucking hates its job + >UNIX + >loves its computer but only its own computer + >"I hate android but this battery life is killer" + >no unicode support in framebuffer tty, can't figure out wayland + >anti social, wishes it wasn't + >doesn't understand references to memes + >allergic to brands and advertising + >takes the bus everywhere + >will tell you why she doesn't like C + __________ + / _______ //| + / /|_____/ // | + / / /| |/ / // | | + / /_/|_|/| _/ //| | | + /_________ //_| || | +| ______ | /_/ / / +| | |/ / | | |/ / / +| | |/_/_| | |/ / +| |/_____| | / +|__________|/ + + +/blah/2023-12-23.html + +sleep invades my brain and blurs my vision so I see +not a single thing except my slowly invading dreams +sleep ponders the leaving of me to quickly sinking sand +in which i'll drown and dessicate, my rest forever as planned + +sleep takes over my system, the ELF replacing PID 1 +seconds tick by on a hardware clock, timing the mil'seconds gone +sleep and sleep all over again, do while true if true +caffeine will not stop my slow descent into my somnic hell + +sleep tortures my mind with terrible visions of futures to be +not a single thing of my dreams will give me a second of peace +sleep will drive its knife inside my chest and into my heart +stabbing by those who love me so my mind can tear me apart + +blah blah blah + +i'm at yule and have been up nearly 24 hours. wild it affects me so much. i +used to do 48 on 10 off. i think i'm gonna sleep now. good night. i love you. + +continued. + +no longer 0100. + +T1354. + +$ cat /etc/issue + We're in this together. +$ cat /etc/motd + Get down, make love. + +I don't know. + +I've had too much social interaction. + +You've had this happen before, haven't you? + Do you think I could have a glass of water? + Jesus Christ, I didn't realize we had royalty here. No. Get it + yourself. +For lack of a sink, for lack of glasses. + +You've had this happen before, haven't you? + I really need to take a break, I can't breathe. + You're lazy. You're just gonna ask for another break soon enough + anyway. +For lack of shade, for lack of sunglasses. + +You've had this happen before, haven't you? + Can I get a sandwich or something while we're out here? + We have food at home. Be patient. +For potato chips, for fruit snacks. + +How do you ask for what you want without fear of retribution? + You can't even get water yourself. + No instruction. + You're fat and need to lose weight. + No moderation. + You need to appreciate what you have. + No variety. + +I suppose at face value it sounds bitchy. Find water without plumbing, find +serenity in motion, find nutrition in processed snacks. I could do it now, +certainly. But I didn't know what a carbohydrate was until this month, maybe +last. Time flies faster as of late. + +I love ice cream even though I'm vegan. I met it on video call and we started +talking. I was so flustered at its appearance. It was gorgeous. That's the last +new people I've met. I can't remember how long it lasted the first time. I've +never had more than a first time before. I screwed up and I wasn't too proud to +admit it. + +After the first time around it all slipped through my fingers and I was lost in +purple haze and red stains. I replaced my shirts with ones easier to wash in +private and accepted the fate. Then one day I looked around and asked what the +fuck I was doing. + +Lost and found is as much a cycle as it is a bin. I lost hoodies often as a +kid, brain fog and scattering and forgotten fabric on a bench. The benches on +the playground were a brown shade of black with holes in them at offsets to not +form a grid but a maze of triangles. I used to play connect the dots with them +and pencils to leave lines of graphite on what was probably some refined sort +of plastic, make triangles out of the holes, then get back from recess and +still be thinking about triangles. All the kids thought I was obnoxious, and I +was. I had a desire for attention not fulfilled at home. Then the distraction +faded into a fog of isolation and the number of friends dwindled down to some +remaining on Instagram, a platform I loathed for its hidden algorithms dragging +many of those I knew into conspiracy theories I had helped create or others I +created singlehandedly, who were absolutely unwilling to move to a more open or +at least seemingly better platform. Then I moved anyway to the darker corners +of the Internet and in among those, unrelated except by topic of interest +(technology freedoms), I found the friends that remain friends to this day. I'm +leaving some things out so as to not write a book here. + +At some point I will just disappear. I know this will happen. I'll disappear to +a new life, new style, new identity, new country, and be gone without a trace. +I will die in the remote reaches of a far away landscape of a slow, painful, +lonely death. Nobody will be holding me as the light leaves my eyes, nobody +will appear to come from the heavens to embrace me and beckon me into my next +form of being. I will die, probably of some self infliction that I won't be +able to escape when I realize the gravity of what I have done and find my +regret. In my last moments I will wish things had been different, somehow, some +way. I will wish I took the time I have right now, in this very moment in the +present, to get my shit together. To see a therapist. Quit caffeine. Find a +better job. Get a studio apartment, make more friends, find roommates, go on +dates with my girlfriends, smile, laugh, feel comfortable around many others, +have neighbors, contribute to society both in terms of my employment and my +software I write not for myself but to improve the world, get older, keep +chipping into my 401(k), retire, grow old, cherish memories and make many more, +and die surrounded by those I love in a comfortably decorated room I couldn't +have occupied without the help of those around me. Beckoned to the beyond by +some engineered and pleasant psychedelic and Shine On You Crazy Diamond. + +I'm sitting in a fast food joint sipping a coffee and typing this. + +I learned not to ask for help from others or rely on anybody but myself at +every turn of my life, every leap of faith into which I fell and every shoulder +on which I leaned that pushed me away. I made missteps, more times than I can +count, but there were a lot of things that just weren't my fault and landed on +me anyway. I have not experienced this since leaving the place that made me. +But I know not to keep gambling after so many consecutive wins. That's why +every cautious step forward, every nervous but rewarded ask, every detail that +goes right, is a reminder that things will go wrong. Luck does not last +forever. + +I will disappear when I have no more for which to be here. No friends, +abandoned projects, dead end jobs and rent I can't afford. I am certain it will +happen and my friends are certain it will not. But I was friends with others +who were certain they would see tomorrow and didn't. That is how I think it +will end, not with a whimper but with a bang and more as the luck runs out and +cars strike, bullets pierce, fire roars or whatever other sequence of accidents +seizes the debt I own to balance, the odds swinging back around in luck. + +I am insufferable and therapy would fix this but I think I would get committed +if I went. It's irrational but I don't know if Kamikun would ever let me go. + +I don't think there's anything out there for me. That's the biggest reason I +would write my EOF byte. But why not wait and see what the future holds? + +I drank my last Monster. For real. There will be more caffeine, always. There +might be more romance with energy drinks. But I'm done Monster now, forever. +It's up to you to hold me accountable. Who am I kidding? Who reads this? Please +don't. + +I feel like a slut when I give people my website URL. + +I apologized. I wanted to visit its state, see it in person, so I could +apologize in person too. It could do whatever it wanted, I didn't expect to +stay with it or anything. Then instead of meeting in meatspace to reconnect it +happened on-line. And we got talking again. + +I listen to Slipknot because it was wearing a Slipknot t-shirt. That's the only +reason. I don't think I would have gotten into Slipknot if it wasn't for that. +I fucking love Slipknot, genuinely, and their music got me through some hard +times, hard decisions, absolute actions. + +I like it/its pronouns for me. I'm different from a she/her. She/her is fine. I +won't take offense, certainly less offense than being gendered male. But I like +it/its pronouns for myself. + +I genuinely love my girlfriends with all my heart and it's hard to imagine +anything short of it no longer being my girlfriends changing that. I loved it +when we stopped talking. I do regret that, I think. I don't like living with +regrets. I wasn't able to reconcile the hurt I had caused and my not being true +to myself. I thought I would hurt it more if we kept talking. I don't think I +would have. + +I'm polyamorous and with my other girlfriend we had a much shorter go of things +and I broke up because our relationship was overwhelming. I don't regret +breaking up with her because I still believe I would have hurt her more had I +stayed with her. + +Leaving my previous state is the best decision I ever made. Now that I am +constantly made aware, justly, of my bad habits and awful state of living, I +can start to fix it. There are a million things of which I wasn't even aware, +or of which I was aware but not of how to fix them, or simply those that I +didn't care to remedy. I put on black nail polish to stop biting my nails and +it's working. They're longer than they have been in probably a decade. I'm +sleeping well, still plagued with nightmares when I dream but I think they +might pass. I am the sun poking through the clouds before I disappear back into +pessimism and self loathing and I don't know how to fix that. I'll get there +someday. + +I criticize means of repair to flesh out technique rather than to be able to +ignore them. As a compulsion it is to be able to ignore them. But they keep +gnawing at my head past the initial repulsion. I don't criticize plans with +which I align but nor do I criticize plans that seem to me to be obviously +infeasible. + +I still can't interact with new people, though, except when forced to do so by +situation or as a means to an end, and when I do I am extremely uncomfortable. +I don't know if I can fix that, I don't know if I want to fix that. Baby steps. + +I hope my existing friends live forever. If our friendship doesn't, fine. They +deserve happiness and if that's the means to get there I hope I am tossed to +the side without grief. They deserve happiness and a long duration to have it. + __________ + / _______ /| + / /|_____/ / | + / //|| / //|| + / //||| _/ //||| + /_________ //_||| +| ______ ||_/// +| ||/// | ||/// +| ||//___| ||// +| |/_____| | / +|__________|/ I want to improve. + + +/blah/2023-12-21.html + +I have thought disorder that makes it really hard to convey the things in my +head into things expressed in text. One dimensionally. A string of characters. +Projecting the landscape of my mind is difficult in the same way drawing is. +Trying to force a two dimensional world into 128 characters. + __________ + / _______ /| I have this thing I like to draw, the frame of a cube. The + / /| ____/ / | edges of the cube, the spaces between the edges, and then + / //||| / //|| the edges behind those spaces. It's a practice in three + / //||||_/ //||| dimensional visualization. I can't do it. Every time I draw + /_________ //_||| the cube I draw it wrong. A line is where it shouldn't be, I +| ______ ||_/// made it inconsistent, some elementary mistake. I suppose a +| ||/// | ||/// lot of people couldn't draw the cube right the first time +| ||//___| ||// but I feel like I should be able to. That's how conversation +| |/_____| | / feels. One crucial thing is missing, one inconsistency, and +|__________|/ the whole thing is wrong, and I didn't notice it because it + was so hard to do the other edges. To make the thing link + up. I don't notice my own circular logic, my own + contradictions, and often others don't either. But when they + do they say I'm bullshitting them. Really it's the spaces in + between, the spaces I can't draw, drawn by the voids in my + head, that are bullshitting me. + +It's hard to communicate with others for it. + +Thought disorder is a symptom, not a disease, as I understand it, but I'm not +gonna read into it, at least publicly. I dissociate. I switch out sometimes or +lose myself in the words. I make word salad. I say things because they sound +good, not because they make sense. Et cetera. Fuck. I'm not continuing this. + +It's isolating. The very fabric of my mind is sewn wrong. Differently, yes. I +think similarly to some of my peers whose minds are beyond most. But wrong. +There are little threads that lead to the wrong areas of the cloth, stitches +too long and too short and some put in after, even, the weaving of the factory +to pull closed areas I'd like to have used. M C Esher head. + +i'm nesting + and spinning + and thinking + and turning + and tossing + and blinking + and rusting + decaying + and dying + et c. + + +/blah/2023-12-14.html + +: Ruminations + +Published here under the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial- +NoDerivatives 4.0 International Public License. + +Written over the last two weeks or so. Do not read this if you know me +personally and ideally do not read otherwise, either. Do not try to talk to me +about this. I'm not gonna kill myself. I just was ruminating about the idea. + +- +I've been thinking +about killing myself; +the coward's way out, +sure, but a way out +nevertheless. I really +want to die. I want to +feel it. I'd like to +drown, to immolate, +to bleed out. I crave +the subtleties of the +experiences that I +cannot fathom. In +my dreams I do; I +am chopped with +axes, +- +slain with swords, +various means of blunt +force. I am both +executed and executioner, +I experience all +perspectives +simultaneously as it +is my subconscious +that renders my +potential fates, and +in the moment I +am cruel, and in the +moment I am kind, +and as the one +- +to die I feel relieved +to go, to be able to +let go of my stresses +and fears for my +longed-for certainty. +I'm tired of the +lucky escapes, the +dei ex machinae. I +feel like a character +of fiction, the pulp +protagonist that +always improbably +makes it out of the +bind. Like my fate +- +is already written, +predestined; sometimes +I can even see the +lines ahead, Kami +knows sections by +heart. I just got +on the bus I wasn't +sure I could afford +and it was free. +Maybe I'm an angel, +compulsively +accomplishing +selfless miracles. +If so, to be an +- +angel is to be in +Hell. Condemned to +goodness. I am so +fucking stressed +because it takes +more and more work +for everything to just +work out. This +morning I thought +I was gonna break +down, actually just +break down. But +that's not in the +pages. +- +I want to be +alive and without +anaesthetic for +my dissection. I +want to see the +scalpel approach +my flesh, feel it +carve me and see +my own pink-dyed +subcutaneous fat. +The crimson viscera. +I want to taste my +own blood as I +succumb to +- +mortality. Done by +[...] or [...] or both. +In my scripted +demise will I +know commfort, will +I have known +comfort? Or will I +faint into a trench +and have the cold +work its way in +from the extremeties. +This morning I cried, +now my sadness had +hardened to a rich, +- +coffee-smooth +bitterness, a numbness +too. I can't keep +friends because I +never interact first, +see myself a burden. +The fuel that weighs +down the ship. Spend +me until you have +nothing left, be free +of me among the +stars. I arrived at +work an hour and a +half early. It's +- +nothing, the time ticks +on regardless. I hate +Christmas music. I am +so alone. [mi] [olin] [ala] [e] [mi]. +[mi] [ike] [tawa] [mi]. I wish to be +primitive, of the +forest, to be solitary. +I would be so lonely +without [...]. +I don't talk to the +people close to me +and to others I say +less. I want to taste +my blood. I want to +- +burn myself. I want +to die. But I don't +want to do it. My +friends depend on +me. And I have things +to write. When I am +done I will take my +leave. I want the +suffering to be over. I +want Nirvana. Nirvana +isn't heaven, it's simply +the conclusion to a +finite cycle of rebirth. +The conclusion to one's +- +suffering. + +I'd like to see +Chicago, California, +the Bodhi tree, the +sunrise from atop a +mountain, a molten +wall, the inside of a +flame, mucky clotted +blood. A chunk of +clot in a pool of +it. +- +It's not that I don't +know how to ask for +what I want but +that I know I only +get what is deserved, +not what is desired. +I am a parable; +beware of excess. It's +better that I don't +control my own fate +else I'd +meet it. I believe I +am have cancer because I +don't want to believe +- +I will live 60, 70 +more years, because +the best of those I +knew did not. When +I hear the Underscores +song I think, know +it too; Everybody's +dead and it's all my +fault. I don't have +the means to be vegan +in a way that is +healthy but I can't +bring myself to eat +dead animal; I've +- +caused enough harm. +I feel too old and +too young. I don't +know how to afford +rent. Not here, not +anywhere. I'd like +to become a Buddhist +monk. Burger King +coffee is bad but not +terrible. [tomo] [pi] [soweli] [moli]. +[mi] [olin] [e] [toki pona]. I am as much +an animal as a cow +and know beef as +fallen brethren. +- +I wish to harm and +not harm, to be +caged and free, to +be known and +Anonymous, to love +and to be forgotten. +Pass on my memories. + +I am so tired all the +time. Fatigued, weary, +sleepy. I need to +figure out how to get +an apartment. I need +a new social security +- +card. I want to die +because this work is +so hard and will get +harder yet. I want +to have a small +apartment with one or +two close friends full +of pillows and blankets +with a warm picture +tube and modded +Gamecube. How do I +make friends? How do +I afford an apartment +? +- +I do everything +wrong. When I am +praised it is without +sincerity, when I am +held it is without +catharsis, when I am +loved it is without +reality. To fall asleep +I think about cuddling +my girlfriend. I miss +my stuffed shark but +a stuffed shark will +not fit in a backpack. +Nor will aspirations. +- +[mi] [tawa] [tenpo] [suno] [ante]. [tenpo] [suno] [ni] [li] [ike] [lili]. [ni] + [li] +[ante] [tawa] [tenpo] [suno] [pini]. [tenpo] [suno] [ni] [la] [mi] [wili] [e] + [lape]. +[mi] [jo] [e] [lape] [lili] [tan] [tenpo] [mun] [pini] [la] [mi] [lukin] [e] +[jan] [moli]. [mi] [moli] [ala] [taso] [mi] [wili] [lukin] [e] [jan] +[moli] [tan] [mi] [wile] [moli]. [mi] [wile] [ala] [moli]. [mi] [olin] [moli] + [ala]. +[mi] [pakala]. [mi] [kama] [sona] [e] [toki pona]. [mi] [toki ike] [e] [toki + pona]. [o] [toki] [ala]. +I got a new pen today. A +Uniball Signo 207 with +"archival quality ink", "used +by professionals". It - and +this is evident in the notebook +in which I write this but +probably won't be if I +ever type it up - writes +- +shittily. Perhaps this is +due to the paper or to the +thin air where I now find +myself. Now it's writing fine +so who knows. I took the +pen apart just now, idly, +didn't have a good grip on +the tip that holds the +spring in, and the tension +released and the tip flew +to the other seat in the +booth of this restaurant. I +hate working here. +- +Today I'm less stressed +because I don't have to +catch a bus to my second +shift. The thought of my +finances still gnaws at +me and the walls are closing +in. The way I'm going isn't +sustainable and one way +or another, by homelessness +or breakdown, I will crumble, +inevitably. I'm not sure what +to do. I'm thinking about +getting a fake identity +and moving to the Balkans +- +or perhaps Kazakhstan. My +current location and situation +is, however, the result of a +similarly spontaneous and +far move, and I'm still +not established here. +My skin is dry. I guess that +wouldn't matter if I +killed myself. Homeless people, +with or without their senses, +are treated like animals. If +you treat people like animals +they will become animals. +The shelter here looks like a cage. +- +Perhaps that's what housing is, +a kennel for a human. The +decorations and dressing make +us forget it. I'm scared of +the future because I don't +know if I will survive it and +I don't want to die. I have +always had a problem with +biting my nails. I have an +oral fixation. I chew half +a pack of gum a day when +I can afford it. Three packs +and two Uniball Signo 207 +pens cost $10.46. +- +I worked an hour for them. +How many hours will I need +to work to afford rent? No +matter how many it never seems +to be enough. I'm scared all +the time since I started +feeling emotions again. I miss +being numb but I don't miss +being in the situations that +made me numb. Maybe I +just need to sleep. I can't +fall asleep without either weed +or watching people die on +my cell phone. +- +I saw someone decapitated +by the wheels of a train. +I wondered how bad it would +be to die that way. They looked +so happy on social media. I +try so hard to be kind to +everybody. It has been 2 days +since last I hugged anybody. +I feel so alone. I'm not, +but the being is different +from the feeling. I am sad. +My girlfriend won't text me +back. Its replies were sparse +when I was sleeping outside +- +because it was worried I +would die in the cold. The +people I love most in the +world don't believe I will +ever be successful. I think +I might. If I was +infinitely powerful I would +give the empty houses to those +that need them and an I.D. +to anyone that wanted one. +I would feed the hungry and +transport the travelers. I +would find somebody who +knows exactly how I now feel. +- +[tawa] [tenpo] [ante] +[ni] [li] [tenpo] [pimeja]. +[ni] [li] [tenpo] [ike]. [mi] [pakala]. [mi] [ike] [mute]. [mi] [pali] [moki] + [e] +[soweli] [moli]. [mi] [wile] [e] [ni]: [soweli] [moli] [ala] +[taso] [jan ike] [moli] [e] [soweli] [suwi]. [mi] [pakala]. +[tenpo] [suno] [ni] [la] [mi] [pali] [moku] [e] [soweli] [suwi] [moli]. [mi] + [pakala]. +[mi] [ike] [seme] [jan ike]. [mi] [pilin ike] [mute]. [mi] [pilin pakala]. [mi] + [ike] [tawa] [mi]. +[mi] [ike] [tawa] [soweli]. [mi] [ike] [tawa] [ma] [ali]. [mi] [ike]. [mi] + [pakala]. +[toki] [nimi Japanese] [la] [tu] [tu] [pi] [toki pona] [li] [moli]. [mi] + [pakala]: +[mi] [toki] [e] [ni]. [ni] [li] [tenpo] [nanpa] [tu] [tu]. +[ni] [li] [tenpo] [pimeja]. [ni] [li] [tenpo] [mun] [ike]. [mi] [pilin ike] + [mute]. +[mi] [toki]. [mi] [pakala]. +- +I've done abhorrent, horrible +things, and I don't know how +to make up for them. Killing +myself would be a start. +I wonder what it's like to +be dead. I wish there +wasn't rebirth. +- +i took the bus to work +i'm sorry +car just didn't start +the park +the gas tank full +the lighter +sorry +took the bus to work +i'm sorry +fifty year old man +i'm sorry +bandanna in a bottle +bandanna in a bottle +i drink til my tongue slips +i'm sorry +whatcha sorry for +i'm sorry +took the bus to work +and i think tonight i'm gonna let it hit me +he didn't see it coming +and his pace remained the same +eveloped in fire +did you feel anything? +i'm sorry for the slaughter +but god does my job pay +i bought myself a new car +but can't bear to fill the tank +- +[moli] [li] [pimeja] [e] [mi] +[pimeja] [soweli] [la] +[mi] [len] [e] [mi] [e] [ni] + +[mi] [wile] [e] [lape] +[mi] [wile] [mute] [e] [lape] +[mi] [wile] [mute] [e] [ni]: [mi] [lape] +[mi] [wile] [e] [lape] +[mi] [wile] [e] [pali] [lape] +[mi] [lape] [ala] +[mi] [wile] [e] [lape] +[mi] [pakala] +[mi] [pakala] +[mi] [pakala] +[mi] [pakala] +- +[tawa] [tenpo] [suno] [ante] +city square littered with corpses +vendors fallen at their stalls +bags spilled open, coins atwinkle +reflecting moonlight. earthly stars +if you cut one open the blood would be dark red +no oxygen in their system, hypoxia, death instant +civilians struck in a war of which they weren't aware +died for a growing number on a screen +children are among them, and in homes babies cribbed +a bus driver reading a dog eared copy of the tao te ching +four of a chosen family out of broken homes +taken from a cold street to new apartment, optimists +nobody mourns the losses. members of a town too small +in life they all were lovers. now inanimate +a flower sits in a cup, never to be watered again +in the face of inevitability, what has it all meant +city square declared a grave site +by nobody; nobody cares +a dog lays still on the cobblestone +its last experience fitful sleep, a nightmare +- +I'm tired. +- + +- +i don't believe in a god +and haven't since i saw a dog +skinned alive +a mess of dripping, florid blood +and muscle and bone +and it let out what screams +can be screamed with what function +its analog to our vocal chords +had left +and kept screaming +shaking, it hanged suuspended by rope +from an oak tree, perhaps maple +the twine brown matching the sand +and dirt and green leaves +and not the unnatural red +of the shivering animal +unable to comprehend even its fate +let alone what brought its aggressors +to take a machete to the starving, matted +thing. how could a merciful, good creator +allow one of her children to experience +such a thing, and not die upon removal +of the face? who would want to survive such +a thing? and especially, +if not only a god is our creator but +the arbiter of our fates, +why did she let someone record it and put it +on liveleak? why did she let me watch it +when i was 14? +- +The mountain, eons old +and wise for what it +has weathered, knows not +to abuse its unimaginable +strength. +The hornet, with a life cycle of days, is given an +appropriately small amount +of venom for its size and +stings unprovoked. +Blame neither. +They reflect the +kindness of their worlds. +- +hope you're doing okay +i'm about to sleep, worked a lot today +will we talk tomorrow? +of course we will babe +that was last month +was I ghosted? I really can't say +I might be single but +I hold onto the hope that it'll message again +what did I say +what did I do +I thought we had something +was it as real to you +how did I push +my dearest dear away +would you tell me if it was over? +was I really so unsafe? +- +do you remember me +i thought what we had was a lot + +i always think of you +am i just someone you forgot + +we've been dating for a bit +but goddammit, i sort of loved you + +when you curl up with [...], +my old plushie, do you think of what you lost + +god, i miss you, and i'm so alone +when i sleep i look at my phone +and look at you, comfy, under the sheets. +i hope the blankets don't make you too hot + +what did i do to justify a cold shoulder +what did i say to bring famine to my soul +will you return to explain your hiatus +or will you leave me to rot + +whatever it was, i'm sorry +and i hope you get back someday + +i keep thinking about the solace under the wheels of a train +do you think i'll feel any pain +- +i'm at the bus stop and freezing +do you get what i mean? +it's been a week since you called +am i still in your screen? +i think of you daily +or the bottomless pit +i wanna throw myself into +but that's just how i think +you got tired of me +as a loving girlfriend +faded novelty +and so much repetition +but i liked the routine +and you said it was your happy ending + +after every chapter there's another +is a better life what i'll get +no longer so trusting a lover +my heart aches, i should have guarded it +- +It said it loved me but +it hasn't responded to my +text messages in two weeks. +I suppose it's busy but I +haven't even had a single- +word update. It feels like +I'm being avoided. It hurts. +I really did love it. It's hard +for me to love. If it called +and apologized and made it +up to me I don't think it +would fix things. I feel +disrespected as a partner. +- +We're poly and I know +and have known it is seeing +someone else, and am and +have always been fine with +it. Someone else more +important to it. I was +thankful, really, and still am +that it received more than +only I could provide, a 20 +year old fast food worker. +I can't compare to its +college scholarships and +leadership roles. I never +wanted or needed to. +- +And I didn't ever call as +much as we planned and +I became more of a recluse +than the person it started +dating. But I've been to its +apartment. I took it on +dates, gave it its favorite +stuffed animal, formerly +mine. We don't have a +long history but we do have +a history. I don't even +know if we're broken up. +Tomorrow will be two weeks. +- +Nearly four months. I feel +doomed to never keep a +relationship longer than +four months. +I wish I had what it +takes to commit suicide. +- +[...] & [,,,] +-> [...] & [,,,] - 9.7km $D +gas price ($G) - $/gal +gas price $g/gal * 0.264 gal / 1 liter -> mi / liter +mileage ($M) -> mi / gal +mileage $m mi / gal * 0.264 gal / 1 liter -> mi / liter +$m mi / liter * 1.6 km / 1 mi -> km / liter +- + +- + +- + +- +It messaged me back. +It too has been having +a rough go of things. +I'm in a downward +spiral. I hate this fucking +Christmas music. I use +gum to forget taste, gore +to desensitize sight, music +to ignore my ears, +cleaning work to burn my +nostrils, weed to feel +nothing and forget the +world of which I wish +I wasn't a part. +- +In fleeting moments of peace +I'm overcome by the beauty +of this simple place. Then +my head by the hair is +dragged back into the dark +mirror and I am once again +submerged in my own misery. +I want my face ripped off, +to drown in my own blood +as it's forced into my nose +by the tubes under my eyes, +to see in the mirror the +muscles that scarcely do +else but frown. +- +When people knock on the +bathroom door I get nervous +and leave and they always +look mad at me. Why? +I was doing what they wish +to do. Why not be sympathetic +to what we have in common +-- a urinary tract, a digestive +system. I never take +very long. +I agreed to start coming +into work earlier. It felt +like signing my death +certificate. I'm so tired. +- +This job doesn't pay +enough. I work 50 hour +weeks to be able to +afford basic necessities, +many of which I still forgo. +I charge a battery pack at +work to avoid using electricity +in the apartment. I take +one short shower a week to +avoid water usage and +electricity for the water +heater. I use my phone +flashlight (charged at work +too) to avoid the overhead +lamps. +- +I spend a lot of time at +work. 6 days a week, 8-10 +hour days, some 6s around +so I don't get too much +overtime. I show up an +hour early. I spend about +half an hour on the bus, before +that half an hour at the +stop. Then another half +hour at the stop after work. +That's two and a half +hours I spend either at +work or commuting, plus +the usual 8. 2.6 * 6 = 13hrs + 50hrs working += 63 hrs out of the apartment +- +Then I sleep 8hrs a night, +or at least set aside that +time for it. 56hrs a week. +I have 49hrs a week past +labor, transit, and sleep. +It's time but I wish I had +more. I and my loved ones +are aging. I wanna spend +the prime decades of my life +playing, creating, socializing. +All I do is labor, if not done +by me then someone else. And +I'm exhausted. +- +What makes matters worse +is that I have some innate, +compulsive need to labor if +on the clock as I am paid +to do. This while those around +me use their cell phones to +watch video and otherwise +idle. I work and they do +not and while I slowly +clean the workplace I +wonder, perhaps realize - though +I had already realized, so +moreso I just turn the +thought around in my head +- +like a dead pig's sausage +rotating on a warmer at a +gas station - why this +place is so dirty. +I want to go somewhere +clean, or to nowhere at all. +I want to love in a shallow +pool of water, in Lao-Tzu's +moon. I want to cease +living. I want to die. I +want to be killed. I want +to kill myself. Because then, +at least, the work will +be over. +- +The voices will quiet. I will +calm and my heart will be +still. I will be not too hot, +not too cold, without aching +muscles or aging joints. I +want this finity not as a +termination of my residence +per se but as a respite from +the Hell for which I +constantly volunteer. Many +lean on me; I lean on +nothing. Many know me. +I know nothing. I love many. +And in my heart know I am alone. +- +I watch a lot of +beheadings and it's +kind of a bummer +that they all focus on +the head and not the +body. The blood pouring +out of the neck as if +champagne +uncorked seriously +arouses me. I unironically +want to behead someone +and fuck their windpipe. +I want to be covered +in blood, someone else's +or my own. +- +I don't know what to +do with this notebook. +Who would want to read +this? What kind of +person would identify +with me? +I took my clothes off +and got in the shower +naked. I feel defenseless +when showering, especially +without a knife beside +me. I shampood my +scalp and conditioned +my hair +- +and I took the +washcloth and scrubbed +at my face but my +face was stuck too well +to my skull to be so +easily removed. I scrubbed +down my chest and arms +and legs and neck and +felt where I'd like someone +to saw at me, disconnect +my head from my heart. +I was thirsty but it +felt weird to drink the +shower water. +- +I'm scared of using soap +because it costs so much. +Scared of shampoo and +conditioner because they +cost so much. The +bathroom light and fan. +The water. I scrubbed +at my feet and the bottoms +were gray, the soles +padded with dead skin +because I spend all +my time walking. I scrubbed +at them but not too +much because I'll take any +padding I can get. +- +I finished and dried +myself with a towel and +got out of the shower +and felt lightheaded and +I don't know why. And +I put on clothes and came +out to the living room. +This is the last page of +the notebook and my +hair smells like lavendar +and my arms like +eucalyptus. And I'm sorry +for being here. At least +I'm finally clean. +- + +The notebook on which this was written will be incinerated and I will move on +from thinking about any of this. + + +/blah/2023-12-12.html + +Didn't have time to figure out how to set up TeX. Still don't. Don't have time +to explain. I'm so tired. I'm wearing raw. Like skin torn apart by a fall at +high speed onto a road. Flesh torn from bone, then bone itself ground against +sandpaper. My girlfriend stopped texting back two weeks ago. Marrow leakage. + +I'm at the bus stop and freezing +Do you get what I mean? +It's been a week since you called me +Am I still in your screen? + +I think of you daily +or the bottomless pit +I wanna throw myself into. +But that's just how I think. + +You got tired of me, maybe, +as a loving girlfriend +perhaps the novelty faded +into repetition. + +But I liked the routine +and I thought it was a happy ending. + +After every chapter there's another +is a better life what I'll get? +Or an ache in my side and +my catacomb cage quiet. + +I can't sleep anymore without watching people die on-line. I spend one or two +hours a night on watchpeopledie.tv and I've probably seen most of the videos on +the site, I made an account to track my viewing history so I don't watch the +same stuff over and over. I long to know what it feels like to drown, to burn +alive, to bleed out, to be crushed in the cogs of an industrial machine, to be +shredded, beheaded, to die alone in the cold or the heat or a swampy summer +day. I'm kept alive by decision paralysis and the bitter responsibility to make +the world a significantly better place than I found it. I'm so tired. + +I imagine, engulfed in flames, or at the edge of consciousness under the sea, +or within the swiftly closing steel maws of an unknowing automaton, or just +after the machete starts sawing, or at the second gush from the vein, or +simply looking at a dirty brick wall as the last sight on this plane, there is +a moment, brief but potent, of realization and acceptance of what has happened, +and that that one moment is the sweetest bliss of certain finity that could be +given to a mortal. Just a tick, one sixty-fourth of a moment in a snap. I hope +decades from now I can experience it and that it's as serene as I hope. + +I wonder if I'm just forgettable. Maybe that's all it is. I don't want to be +forgotten but I do. If my words fade into aether I want my kharma to persevere. + + +/blah/2023-12-10.html + +I feel alone and I wish I wasn't. + +I don't think Chimera has tex so I'll figure out how to compile it. + + +/blah/2023-12-03.html + +theater of years +10 George woke up behind the curtains on a mat at the same time as some of +the older folk. Two of them were rocking babies, one nearly a newborn and the +other slightly older. + +mod me + 1 Kaoru Akimoto - Dress Down + 2 Weezer - Beverly Hills + 3 Miki Matsubara - Mayonaka no Door / Stay with Me + 4 Blood Red Shoes - It's Getting Boring By The Sea + 5 Talking Heads - Psycho Killer + 6 Penelope Scott - Cigarette Ahegao + 7 Fall Out Boy - Thnks fr th Mmrs + 8 Crystal Castles - Courtship Dating + 9 Junko Yagami - [kanji] no BAY CITY + 10 Ben Folds - Bitch Went Nuts + This is from the Ben Folds album Way to Normal. I went to the +titular Normal on my way to Lincoln and its Amtrack station was just excellent. + 11 I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - Sugar Pills + 12 Violent Femmes - Blister In The Sun + 13 I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - Leave Me Alone + 14 MGMT - She Works Out Too Much + 15 Weezer - Ain't Got Nobody + 16 Gorillaz - Tranz + 17 Steve Lacy - Dark Red + 18 Fall Out Boy - American Beauty/American Psycho + 19 Richard Cheese - Gin & Juice + 20 Liza Anne - I Love You, But I Need Another Year + 21 C418 - Mellohi + 22 Led Zeppelin - Immigrant Song + 23 Worthikids - Up + 24 Austin Weber - Mamma Mia + 25 Her's - Speed Racer + 26 glass beach - cold weather + 27 Machine Girl - Athoth a Go!! Go!! + I've seen them live and it was with the exception of Knocked +Loose the best pit I'd ever been in. + 28 Elvis Costello & The Attractions - Pump It Up + 29 Tally Hall - Cannibal + 30 Oinga Boinga - You Really Got Me + 31 Minus the Bear - My Time + 32 Red Hot Chili Peppers - Californication + 33 Gotye, Kimbra - Somebody That I Used To Know + 34 TeddyLoid - Fly Away + 35 Gorillaz, Beck - The Valley of The Pagans + 36 Weezer - Hash Pipe + 37 nelward - Ghost + This plays on King Possum radio every so often. + 38 Magdalena Bay - Killshot + 39 Electric Wizard - Funeralopolis + 40 Tessa Violet - Wishful Drinking + I saw half alive live in Boston and Tessa Violet opened. It was +kind of uncomfortable because while I am into women and I think Tessa Violet is +also into women her stage presence wasn't really anything I was into nor +anything with which I strongly vibed. Maybe it's just something for those who +are younger than I. + 41 R.I.P. - 1-800-Sins + 42 Talking Heads - Road to Nowhere + 43 Eyeless in Gaza - Seven Years + 44 my bloody valentine - Lose My Breath + 45 The Cure - Play For Today + 46 Marina and the Diamonds - Venus Fly Trap + 47 Cyclope - L'hymne a l'amour + Minus diacritical marks. + 48 IVE - ELEVEN + 49 Superorganism - Something For Your M.I.N.D. + 50 Marina and the Diamonds - Bubblegum Bitch + 51 Marina and the Diamonds - Primadonna + 52 ATARASHII GAKKOI - Pineapple Kryptonite + 53 Mareux - The Perfect Girl + +christmas music + 1 100 gecs - sympathy 4 the grinch + 2 I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - Merry Christmas Everybody + 3 Gorillaz - Broken + 4 Gorillaz, Bootie Brown - Dirty Harry + 5 Tears For Fears - Everybody Wants To Rule The World + Coincidentally, I received a Tears concert ticket for Christmas +from either my roommate or his family last year or so. + 6 Wham! - Last Christmas + 7 My Chemical Romance - All I Want for Christmas Is You + 8 Roar - Christmas Kids + 9 Mother Mother - Hayloft + 10 Misfits - You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch + 11 Paul McCartney - Wonderful Christmastime + 12 John Lennon, Yoko Ono - Happy Xmas (War Is Over) + Found on /f/. + 13 Epic Rap Battles of History, Snoop Dogg - Moses vs Santa Claus + 14 K.able, Hatsune Miku - Santa-san wa ROKUDENASHI + 15 Jose Feliciano - Feliz Navidad + 16 Mag.Lo, O Super - Never + 17 Vierre Cloud - moment + 18 Gorillaz - DARE + +batteries included + 1 LVL1 - FVN! + 2 TANUKI - Babybaby No Yume + 3 TeddyLoid - Fly Away + 4 Vierre Cloud - moment + 5 Grimes - Shinigami Eyes + 6 Perfume - Electro World + 7 3l3d3p - lbitbt + 8 100 gecs - bloodstains + This playlist is loosely copied from Usagi's Welcome to Hell +Spotify playlist which I won't be putting here. It accompanied me in 2021 and +2022 but I mainly associate it with my senior year of high school which felt +very fast and very loose and had a lot of parts where I thought I wasn't going +to survive to 18. + 9 plasterbrain - Nimbasa CORE + 10 Honey Claws - Digital Animal + I can't see the dates on Spotify for Android and I can't use +the web browser open.spotify.com for lack of WideVine on Firefox for the +Raspberry Pi nor the Electron app for lack of a lot of things but this is +definitely from 2022 or so because I recalled this song talking with a coworker +who mentioned this was in Breaking Bad. + 11 100 gecs, Fall Out Boy, Craig Owens, Nicole Dollanganger -[...] + The artist credits overflow so hard none of the title can be +shown. This is the Fall Out Boy cover of hand crushed by a mallet by gecs. + 12 Hoshina Anniversary, Kodai of KinKieS - EPTM + 13 TeddyLoid - Theme for Scanty & Knee Socks + 14 TeddyLoid - Corset Theme + 15 100 gecs - mememe + 16 Ado, TeddyLoid - [kangi] no piero - TeddyLoid Remix + 17 Mitsunori Ikeda, Aimee B - Fallen Angel + 18 Grimes - Kill V. Maim + 19 Bring Me The Horizon, BABYMETAL - Kingslayer + When this song leaked it leaked as When Will We Be Free and +Kingslayer tied into a single MP3. It may be my favorite of both bands' work. +I looped it while playing through GZDOOM on my Thinkpad T420 on a really nice +NEC SyncMaster or something like that 70Hz LCD display. + 20 The Living Tombstone - Five Nights at Freddy's + 21 Danny Brown - Ain't it Funny + 22 clipping. - Story 2 + 23 Zack Fox - fafo + I always associate Ain't it Funny / Story 2 / fafo with each +other as a series of tracks. Or maybe in the reverse of that order. It makes +sense lyrically and rhythmically and the first time I heard them was something +like that order in the car with Usagi coming back from the bagel place. + 24 Mitchie M., Hatsune Miku - ageageagein + Transliterated from katakana. + 25 Badflower - Girlfriend + I've seen Badflower live but I didn't think the track selection +of the set was that great - he opened for My Chemical Romance in September +2022, the day the Queen of England died (REST IN PISS IMPERIAL FUCK). + 26 Pisse - Fahrradsattel + 27 The Moldy Peaches - Little Bunny Foo Foo + I really love the video vewn did to accompany this song. My +only cotton T-shirt is vewn merch that I got for Christmas from Usagi, I've +seen all their videos on recommendation from Usagi and they're one of if not my +favorite animator. + 28 LIZ - When I Rule the World + 29 Slayyyter - Hello Kitty + 30 Kyary Pamyu Pamyu - PONPONPON + I can't help thinking of the awful webm Pomf Pomf Pomf when I +think of this song but I really love the song. + 31 Fandroid! - You Signed a Contract + Cuphead music is a nice niche. + 32 Laura Les - Haunted + 33 WAKUSEI ABNORMAL - furare [kanji] + 34 Sidhu Moose Wala - Mafia Style + 35 Magdalena Bay - Mercurial World + 36 quiizzzmeow, Midix - KATANA + 37 Poppy - All The Things She Said + Lily (the one from Maine whom I kin) hates this cover and only +likes the original track. + 38 Poppy - Fear of Dying + 39 Mindless Self Indulgence - Bitches + 40 Ck9c, Elizabeth Ann - You Can't Hide + 41 Sleeping With Sirens - Better Off Dead + 42 Marina and the Diamonds - Homewrecker + When I came back to Maine from Florida and got another Burger +King job I met this dude named Austin and told him, slowly over the course of +many shifts, about how I was going to move across the country on a whim and +that he should live for pleasure and be unafraid of taking risks. He also had +a seemingly abusive girlfriend with whom I encouraged him to break up because +she was seemingly abusive - she threatened to commit suicide when he brought up +maybe taking a break or something, made him cut off contact with his friends +and forbid him from talking with any other women, and just generally seemed +very controlling. He didn't wanna break up with her because he didn't want to +Be Single, as if that was a sordid label. I said honestly man I would rather be +single than be in that relationship. Since that, I associate this song with my +own actions. I didn't fuck him though. Not my type. + 43 Marina and the Diamonds - Power & Control + 44 Mindless Self Indulgence - What Do They Know? + 45 Coco & Clair Clair, Okthxbb - Pretty + I used to play this song while doing reprehensible things to +others while also wearing really nice outfits. My goal was to give at least one +guy a humiliation fetish while I beat the shit out of him. + 46 Breathe Carolina - Blackout + I will black out, actually - I always fall asleep 1-2 hours +after getting high. I don't get enough sleep. + 47 t.A.T.u. - All The Things She Said + 48 Poppy - Girls In Bikinis + One of my sidekick's best catchphrases is "God I love women". +Same, bestie. + 49 100 gecs - money machine + 50 TeddyLoid, Giga, LOLUET - desperate + Translated from katakana. + 51 JVNLIII - Physical Self + 52 Rebzyyx, hoshie star - all I want is you + +Disassembled my GitHub; deleted the last few remaining repositories, made my +account private, and changed the username to trn1ty as well as cleared some +info boxes. Fuck proprietary services. + + +/blah/2023-12-02.html + +depression sterilized + 1 Lipps Inc. - Funkytown + The first time I heard this song I was probably very young and +listening to 70s radio on a real, FM radio, which is now somewhat rare in a +world of Spotify (the platform on which I made this playlist in 2015-2017) and +FLACs. But I grew up with this song on Windows XP, using the On-Line Radio +feature in Windows Media Player to stream Laut FM, which I think is a German +radio station. Laut's cut of Funkytown was, in my faint decade-since +recollection, only the verses and not the choruses? Which seems wrong but is +what I remember. I would play PrxCraft, Project X Craft, I think named after +Project X Zone, a popular video game, which was at the time still administered +by KevinEssence. After he lost a lot of money gambling in CsGoLotto or whatever +it was he sold the Minecraft server to some other entity and it passed through +many hands and lost value each time, much like Tumblr. PrxCraft had Factions, +essentially typical Survival-mode Minecraft, and I think some other cool game +modes, but my favorite was Skygrid which left you on a grid of blocks in the +sky to slowly find resources and build out an almost normal-looking farm. + Microsoft Windows XP had, and later Windows didn't, the ability to +place the music controls on the taskbar itself for Windows Media Player so you +could control the music from any other app. It was snazzy stuff at the time +though Linux kids were doing way cooler stuff. + 2 Pink Floyd - Time + 3 I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - Do It All The Time + 4 Paramore - Hard Times + 5 Nena - Irgendwie, irgendwo, irgendwann + 6 Eagles - Hotel California + 7 The White Stripes - Seven Nation Army + 8 Bobby "Boris" Pickett, The Crypt-Kickers - Monster Mash + 9 Gerard Way - Baby You're a Haunted House + 10 Elvis Presley - Can't Help Falling in Love + 11 The Andrews Sisters - Rum and Coca Cola + 12 Guster - Great Escape + 13 America, George Martin - A Horse with No Name + 14 The Beatles - Eleanor Rigby + 15 Bob Dylan - All Along the Watchtower + 16 Horace Silver - Song For My Father + In high school I had a crush on a jazz band bass player and at +a band concert the jazz band played this song with his part very noticeable and +some improv near the end. I wanted to know the song well so I could impress him +somehow by knowing of it. High schooler logic. I did eventually get with his +twin brother through a very complicated and convoluted chain of happenings +nobody really expected. + 17 Steve Miller Band - Fly Like An Eagle + 18 M.I.A. - Paper Planes + 19 R.E.M. - Crush With Eyeliner + I had this tape which is why I love this album so much. My cell +phone died whenever it got chilly, which is a common occurence in Maine, but my +Walkman kept trudging through whatever I threw at it whether rain, sleet, or +snow. My first tapes were (in this order) Blue Hawai'i, Monster, Awesome Mix +Vol. 1, and Goldfly. The first two found at a thrift store along with a shitty +wowing cassette player (which I scrapped soon after purchasing) and the second +two I wrote to tape by first burning CDs and then using a Sony combination +boombox. + 20 Genesis - Land of Confusion + This was my Current Events teacher's favorite song. + 21 The Moody Blues - Nights In White Satin + 22 The Licks - Lavender Kiss + This was the favorite song of an Anonymous person I was talking +to on-line. They were in my area, I think, but we never met. + 23 R.E.M. - I Don't Sleep, I Dream + 24 Peking Duk - Wasted + 25 The Postal Service - Such Great Heights + I got this out of a LinusTechTips YouTube video about making +art for one's self and the love of creation. + 26 Childish Gambino - Sober + 27 Portugal. The Man - Feel It Still + 28 Caroline Rose - Soul No. 5 + She opened for Guster and I bought the tape of Loser. Really +good album, I used to stay up late to listen to it. + 29 The Beatles - Helter Skelter + I saw Marilyn Manson and Rob Zombie sing this together on the +second Twins of Evil tour. + 30 Charli XCX, Troye Sivan - 1999 + 31 AWOLNATION - Table for One + They opened for Panic! at the Disco. + 32 The Killers - Mr. Brightside + 33 Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc. + 34 Credence Clearwater Revival - Fortunate Son + 35 Flatsound - If We Could Just Pretend + I've probably cried to this song more than half the times I've +heard it. The guitar tabs are easy and I've cried while playing it, too. + 36 Justice - D.A.N.C.E + 37 Dire Straights - Money for Nothing + 38 Beach Bunny - Prom Queen + 39 Kero Kero Bonito - Flamingo + 40 Michael Gray - The Weekend + 41 Skeeter Davis - The End of the World + Heard on 1470 WLAM but also as the end song in Granite Flats. + 42 Miki Matsubara - Mayonaka no Door / Stay with Me + 43 half alive - still feel. + 44 Radiohead - Videotape + This song fills me with raw emotion and I can't bear to listen +to it anymore. I skip it when it comes on after the rest of In Rainbows. + 45 Elton John - I'm Still Standing + +I'm deleting my Spotify. No more proprietary services. + +++work + 1 Daft Punk - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger + I impressed the rest of the kids at science camp by making our +Lego EV3 bot play this song while doing the rest of what it was supposed to be +doing. This playlist was my learning to program playlist. + 2 Boney M. - Rasputin + 3 TOTO - Africa + 4 Dizzee Rascal, Armand Van Helden - Bonkers + I got this from a Rick and Morty trailer. This felt really real +to me because by this point I had done some jarring stuff on the Internet. + 5 Guster - Great Escape + I love this song. + 6 Bob Dylan - All Along the Watchtower + 7 Creedence Clearwater Revival - Fortunate Son + 8 Justice - D.A.N.C.E + 9 Michael Gray - The Weekend + 10 Oliver Tree - Fuck + I loved Oliver Tree who was recommended to me by a friend in +Saudi Arabia. I heard he took tabs of his music off some guitar sites recently +though so that's a bummer. + 11 Sex Bob-Omb - Garbage Truck + I've seen the 2010 movie Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World many times +and love it. Haven't read the comic or seen the anime though. + 12 Rob Zombie - Living Dead Girl + 13 Joan Jett & the Blackhearts - Bad Reputation + The theme for Freaks and Geeks. + 14 Metric - Black Sheep + 15 Blood Red Shoes - It's Getting Boring By The Sea + 16 Rob Zombie - Dragula + 17 R.E.M. - Let Me In + 18 R.E.M. - I Don't Sleep, I Dream + 19 Gerard Way - Baby You're a Haunted House + 20 Tears For Fears - Everybody Wants To Rule The World + Tears For Fears is still rocking. I went to a recent tour and +they were awesome, their latest album is also really good. + 21 Weezer - Thank God for Girls + 22 Weezer - Island In The Sun + Usagi's favorite Weezer song. + 23 Yung Bae, Natvnomvzik - Bae City Rollaz + 24 Night Tempo - Koi + 25 T. Rex - Teenage Dream + 26 Gloria Gaynor - I Will Survive + I also love Cake's cover. + 27 Weezer - Jacked Up + 28 Arctic Monkeys - No Buses + Recommended to me by Usagi. So was Flatsound now that I think +about it. At first I thought she was talking about the band No Buses who I +remember liking too but I haven't heard them in a long while. + +caffeine + 1 Japanese Breakfast - Planetary Ambience + I found this playlist as an Evangelion-themed playlist on +Spotify and stole it. I'm unfamiliar with most of these artists. + 2 Wishing - Emptiness Is a Closet Full of Your Old Clothes + 3 eevee - early mornings + 4 Beach House - Space Song + 5 Alex G - Sportstar + 6 Dan Deacon - When I Was Done Dying + 7 Little Dragon - Crystalfilm + 8 The Knife - I Just Had To Die + 9 Radiohead - How To Disappear Completely + 10 Anamanaguchi - Planet + 11 Explosions In The Sky - Your Hand In Mine + 12 Anamanaguchi - Endless Fantasy + +meister'd + 1 Yoko Takahashi - The Cruel Angel's Thesis (Director's Edit[...] + Usagi made this playlist for me. I made one for her, too. + 2 The Moldy Peaches - Anyone Else But You + 3 Roberta Flack - Killing Me Softly With His Song + I used to listen to this at work. Flack's album of the same +name is really good. I've never been able to listen to this full playlist +without crying. + 4 Vicke Blanke - Slave of Love + 5 Unknown Mortal Orchestra - Ffunny Ffrends + 6 Roland Faunte - Hand Over Hand + This was the first playlist I'd download when putting Spotify +on a device. That way if I lost Internet access I could still hear it. + 7 Tally Hall - You + 8 Jack Stauber - Coconut Ranger + 9 Sunbeam Sound Machine - In Your Arms + I haven't seen Usagi in some months now. I miss her. We text. + 10 Grandaddy - A.M. 180 + We're just friends now but very, very good friends because we +shared a lot of time together. Usagi's like a sister to me. We always imagined +we'd someday be crochety old-timers rocking in chairs on our porch yelling at +the dang kids to get off our lawn. + 11 Crywank - This Song Title Was Too Long (So Now It's Shorter) + Usagi's the second person to which I came out. + 12 The Drums - Money + Usagi was my pet name for her and she had one for me. I use the +pseudonym out of respect for her privacy - she's as privacy conscious as I am. + 13 Jinsang - Smile from U. + 14 Car Seat Headrest - It's Only Sex + 15 Sex Bob-Omb - Garbage Truck + Usagi's car used to be a big, loud Volvo minivan which handled +poorly and took a lot of skill to drive. She's a damn good driver. + 16 The Growlers - Rare Hearts + 17 Mitski - Goodbye, My Danish Sweetheart + 18 The Voidz - Human Sadness + 19 Lustt - Pillow Talk + We would get sushi together at the supermarket in Auburn. Last +time we did I broke down sobbing in her car because I knew it wouldn't happen +again. I'm half a country away now, also vegan but I guess we could have Oreos +if we went out again. She moved too though. + +burger emporor + 1 Weezer - Mirror Image + 2 Weezer - Undone - The Sweater Song + 3 Weezer - Buddy Holly + 4 Weezer - Beverly Hills + 5 Neutral Milk Hotel - In the Aeroplane Over the Sea + 6 Dropkick Murphys - I'm Shipping Up To Boston + As a former Mainer I'm used to thinking of Boston as South. + 7 Mother Mother - Hayloft + 8 Mindless Self Indulgence - Never Wanted To Dance + This music video made Dance Dance Revolution look Intense. + 9 Mindless Self Indulgence - Shut Me Up + 10 Weezer - Pork And Beans + 11 Twenty One Pilots - Level of Concern + Technically I was in this music video. + 12 Twenty One Pilots - Morph + 13 100 gecs, Charli XCX, Rico Nasty, Kero Kero Bonito - ringtone + 14 Bring Me The Horizon, YUNGBLUD - Obey + 15 LMFAO, Lauren Bennett, GoonRock - Party Rock Anthem + 16 Death Grips - Get Got + 17 Black Eyed Peas - Pump It + 18 AC/DC - Highway to Hell + 19 Rob Zombie - Living Dead Girl + 20 Michael Gray - The Weekend + 21 Smash Mouth - All Star + 22 Tape Five - City of Lights + On a High School band field trip to Virginia the other trombone +player couldn't sleep without listening to metro jazz or whatever so I got used +to it. It's good stuff and wasn't a problem, usually I just fell asleep to a +Saw movie or at the time probably Bloodnun. + 23 Weatherday - Come In + 24 Shiro SAGISU - Fly Me To The Moon - Instrumental Version + 25 Tally Hall - Ruler of Everything + 26 Tally Hall - Banana Man + I discovered Tally Hall through this music video which was +uploaded as a .swf to 4chan/f/. + 27 Le Tigre - Deceptacon + 28 Plustwo - Melody (1983 Club Vinyl Remix) + 29 A/V Heroes - Pretty Pink Television + I met the lead singer through, I think, Instagram, maybe a meme +page - @ifuckinghatestuartlittle or something. Really cool guy. + 30 Cypie - Gdzie jest bialy wegorz ? (Zejscie) + Minus the diacritical marks. I don't have a compose key. + 31 Jim Croce - You Don't Mess Around with Jim + 32 Dolly Parton - 9 to 5 + 33 Kenny Rogers - The Gambler + 34 100 gecs - stupid horse + 35 Brooksie - Not Into You + 36 Fall Out Boy - THnks fr th Mmrs + 37 Tally Hall - Turn the Lights Off + 38 Frank Sinatra - My Way + 39 Carpenter Brut, Yann Ligner - Maniac + 40 Frank Sinatra, Count Basie - Fly Me To The Moon + 41 Frank Sinatra - That's Life + 42 Jim Croce - Time in a Bottle + 43 MGMT - She Works Out Too Much + 44 The Beatles - And Your Bird Can Sing + 45 The Beatles - Drive My Car + 46 The Beatles - I'm Looking Through You + 47 Thundercat - Them Changes + 48 Freddie Scott - (You) Got What I Need + 49 The Animals - House Of The Rising Sun + 50 America, George Martin - 5 O'Clock World + 51 Eagles - Hotel California + 52 The White Stripes - Seven Nation Army + 53 Bob Dylan - All Along the Watchtower + 54 Steve Miller Band - Fly Like An Eagle + 55 Creedence Clearwater Revival - Fortunate Son + 56 half alive - still feel. + 57 Skeeter Davis - The End of the World + 58 Elton John - I'm Still Standing + This was my Burger King playlist, before I got transferred the +first time. + 59 Billy Joel - Zanzibar + 60 The Strokes - The Adults Are Talking + 61 The Strokes - At The Door + I found The Strokes because Drew Gooden recommended them in a +YouTube video. + 62 Dead Poet Society - .getawayfortheweekend. + I later did what this song described. + 63 Dead Poet Society - .georgia. + Dead Poet Society's song titles remind me of BSD Make +extensions. + 64 Teddyloid - Fly Away + 65 Hoshina Anniversary, Kodai of KinKieS - EPTM (Booty Bronx [...] + 66 TCY FORCE, Mariya Ise - CHOCOLAT + I tried to find more Mariya Ise but I think the only other +stuff she's done is voice acting. + 67 Teddyloid - Corset Theme + 68 TCY FORCE, Emyli - Champion + 69 Mitsunori Ikeda, Aimee B - Fallen Angel + 70 Weezer - Hash Pipe + 71 Carly Rae Jepsen - Call Me Maybe + 72 Vierre Cloud - moment + I can't listen to this song without thinking about winter 2020 +where at many points I thought I was going to freeze to death on walks between +my parents', school, and work. + 73 Gotye, Kimbra - Somebody That I Used To Know + 74 The Beatles - Helter Skelter + 75 ABBA - Mamma Mia + 76 Paramore - Misery Business + 77 Linkin Park - One Step Closer + I 100%ed this on Expert on Guitar Hero for the Nintendo DS. I +also used this as a backing track for my YouTube clip where I shot a grenade +mid-air with a sniper rifle in Combat Reloaded, a CounterStrike ripoff for the +web browser. + 78 Radiohead - 15 Step + 79 Radiohead - Electioneering + 80 Glen Campbell - Southern Nights + 81 Sweet - Fox On The Run + 82 MGMT - Little Dark Age + I got this out of Nazi propaganda on /b/ or /gif/. + 83 Daryl Hall & John Oates - Out of Touch + 84 The Cardigans - Lovefool - Radio Edit + 85 Polarkreis 18 - Unendliche Sinfonie + Found on /f/. + 86 Junko Yagami - BAY CITY + I can't read the kanji, it's [something] no BAY CITY + 87 Gloria Gaynor - I Will Survive + 88 Outkast - Hey Ya! + 89 Sean Kingston - Eenie Meenie + 90 Fall Out Boy - Dance, Dance + 91 The All-American Rejects - Dirty Little Secret + 100%ed on Expert on Guitar Hero for the Nintendo DS. + 92 Nelly Furtado - Maneater + 93 The All-American Rejects - Gives You Hell + 94 Avril Lavigne - Sk8er Boi + 95 Estelle, Kanya West - American Boy + 96 Gwen Stefani - Hollaback Girl + 97 Lady Gaga - Bad Romance + By this time I had definitely transferred to the other Burger +King. This was one of my old kitchen manager's favorites. Spot the red flag. + 98 Katy Perry - Hot N Cold + 99 Toploader - Dancing in the Moonlight + 100 Steven Universe - Let Us Adore You + 101 3l3d3p - lbitbt + 102 The Living Tombstone - It's Been So Long + 103 The Living Tombstone - Five Nights at Freddy's + 104 Mindless Behavior, Diggy Simmons - Mrs. Right + 105 Mag-Lo, O Super - Never + This I also associate with nearly freezing to death. + 106 plasterbrain - Nimbasa CORE + 107 Kesha - TiK ToK + 108 Ashnikko, Hatsune Miku - Daisy 2.0 + 109 The Beatles - With A Little Help From My Friends + 110 Boney M. - Rasputin + 111 Sex Bob-Omb - Garbage Truck + 112 Tears For Fears - Shout + 113 Elvis Presley - Can't Help Falling in Love + 114 The Beatles - Eleanor Rigby + 115 M.I.A. - Paper Planes + 116 R.E.M. - Crush With Eyeliner + 117 Peking Duk - Wasted + 118 The Postal Service - Such Great Heights + 119 Childish Gambino - Sober + 120 Portugal. The Man - Feel It Still + 121 Kero Kero Bonito - Flamingo + 122 Miki Matsubara - Mayonaka no Door / Stay with Me + 123 Mitski - Me and My Husband + 124 Mitski - Nobody + 125 The Beatles - Maxwell's Silver Hammer + The guy on which I had a crush in high school (not the bass +player, his twin) started a high school club for secular humanism which +espoused the values of atheism and anarchism. I was at the time more an atheist +than an anarchist but joined the club for moral support and because I didn't +have much better to do. One day he said he hadn't heard Abbey Road before so we +listened to the album from end to end with my ASUS Aspire One running mocp on +Debian 9. + 126 The Beatles - Oh! Darling + 127 The Beatles - Back In The U.S.S.R. + 128 The Beatles - Rocky Raccoon + 129 The Beatles - Everybody's Got Something To Hide Except Me [...] + 130 The Beatles - I Am The Walrus + 131 The Beatles - Doctor Robert + 132 The Beatles - Twist And Shout + 133 Blood Red Shoes - It's Getting Boring By The Sea + 134 OneRepublic - Good Life + 135 Owl City - Fireflies + 136 insaneintherainmusic, Gabe Nekrutman, Chris Allison - Mii [...] + 137 Coolio, L.V. - Gangsta's Paradise + 138 Foo Fighters - My Hero + 139 DMX - X Gon' Give It To Ya + 140 Gorillaz - Tranz + 141 Fatboy Slim - Weapon Of Choice + 142 The Rolling Stones - Paint It, Black + 143 CAKE - Short Skirt / Long Jacket + 144 Fountains Of Wayne - Stacy's Mom + 145 Childish Gambino - Redbone + 146 The Weeknd, Daft Punk - Starboy + 147 Jay & The Americans - Come A Little Bit Closer + 148 Dean Martin - Ain't That A Kick In The Head + 149 Weezer - No Scrubs + 150 Joy Division - She's Lost Control + 151 Violent Femmes - Blister in the Sun + 152 Taeko Onuki - 4:00A.M. + 153 Fitz and The Tantrums - Out of My League + 154 The London Orchestral Symphony - Paint It Black (Orchestra[...] + 155 Radiohead - Follow Me Around + 156 Radiohead - Spectre + 157 Bring Me The Horizon, BABYMETAL - Kingslayer + 158 Nothing But Thieves - Forever & Ever More + 159 Nothing But Thieves - Futureproof + 160 Fleetwood Mac - The Chain + 161 Aliotta Haynes Jeremiah - Lake Shore Drive + 162 Looking Glass - Brandy (You're a Fine Girl) + 163 Panic! At The Disco - I Write Sins Not Tragedies + 164 Crystal Castles - Untrust Us + 165 Crystal Castles - Courtship Dating + 166 My Chemical Romance - Helena + 167 MGMT - Electric Feel + 168 Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out + 169 The Buggles - Video Killed The Radio Star + 170 The Wannadies - You & Me Song + 171 Candi Staton - Young Hearts Run Free + 172 Stevie Wonder - Superstition + 173 Blue Oyster Cult - (Don't Fear) The Reaper + 174 CAKE - Short Skirt / Long Jacket + 175 SEATBELTS - Tank! + 176 Gloria Gaynor - I Will Survive + I just noticed this playlist has this song twice. + 177 The B-52's - Love Shack + 178 War - Low Rider + 179 Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Heads Will Roll + 180 Rick James - Super Freak + 181 Commodores - Brick House + 182 Kid Cudi - Day 'N' Nite (nightmare) + 183 Ween - Ocean Man + 184 Daniel Tidwell - At Doom's Gate (DOOM E1M1) + 185 Talking Heads - Psycho Killer + 186 Talking Heads - Once in a Lifetime + 187 Grimes - Shinigami Eyes + 188 Kero Kero Bonito - Pocket Crocodile + 189 Kero Kero Bonito - Small Town + 190 Tsuko G. - Gas Gas Gas (Initial D) + 191 Red Hot Chili Peppers - Can't Stop + 192 Red Hot Chili Peppers - Californication + 193 Steve Miller Band - Abracadabra + 194 Steve Miller Band - Jet Airliner + 195 Steve Miller Band - The Joker + 196 Blondie - Heart Of Glass + 197 King Harvest - Dancing In The Moonlight + 198 Kansas - Carry on Wayward Son + 199 Elton John - Bennie And The Jets + 200 Warren Zevon - Werewolves of London + 201 Blondie - One Way Or Another + 202 Daryl Hall & John Oates - Rich Girl + 203 Stevie Wonder - Superstition + This also seems to be a duplicate. + 204 Jim Croce - Bad, Bad Leroy Brown + 205 AISHA, Arc System Works - The Disaster of Passion + 206 Guilty Kiss - Shooting Star Warrior + 207 Mother Mother - Hayloft II + 208 Iron Maiden - Run to the Hills + 209 Louis XIV, Jason Hill, Brian Karscig - God Killed the Queen + 210 Taco - Puttin' on the Ritz + 211 Daft Punk - Give Life Back to Music + 212 Daft Punk, Pharrell Williams, Nile Rodgers - Get Lucky + 213 Daft Punk - Harder, Better, Faster Stronger + 214 Elton John, Kiki Dee - Don't Go Breaking My Heart + 215 Gorillaz, Robert Smoth - Strange Timez + 216 Gorillaz, Beck - The Valley of The Pagans + 217 Gorillaz - Clint Eastwood + 218 Gorillaz - Kids with Guns + 219 Gorillaz - Feel Good Inc. + 220 Gorillaz, Bootie Brown - Dirty Harry + 221 Gorillaz - Broken + 222 Gorillaz, Hypnotic Brass Ensemble, Mos Def - Sweepstakes + 223 Linkin Park - What I've Done + 224 The All-American Rejects - Move Along + 225 Simple Plan - What's New Scooby-Doo? + 226 The All-American Rejects - Dirty Little Secret + 227 Steve Miller Band - Take The Money And Run + 228 Village People - Y.M.C.A. + 229 Coldplay - Paradise + 230 LeviathanJPTV - Chug Jug With You + 231 Desired - Eyes on Me + I've long associated a picture of Desired with WSJ because he +posted that picture and said it was himself - a fit-looking man holding a rifle +surrounded by photoshopped-in anime girls. + 232 Kero Kero Bonito - Only Acting + 233 Heart - Barracuda + 234 Ram Jam - Black Betty + 235 Cascada - Everytime We Touch + 236 TANUKI - Babybaby No Yume + 237 Perfume - Electro World + Originally in katakana. + 238 Oliver Tree - Life Goes On + 239 Jun Senoue, Ted Poley, Tony Harnell - Escape From The City + 240 The Rapture - Sister Saviour + 241 Aretha Franklin - Son of a Preacher Man + 242 The Rolling Stones - Sympathy For The Devil + 243 Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody + 244 Queen - I Want To Break Free + 245 Pink Floyd - Another Brick In The Wall, Pt. 2 + 246 Johnny Cash - Ring of Fire + 247 AC/DC - Thunderstruck + 248 Chuck Berry - Johnny B. Goode + One of the best guitar lines in history. + 249 Creedence Clearwater Revival - Run Through The Jungle + 250 David Coffin - Roll the Old Chariot Along + Found on /gif/, a video of this shanty performed by a crowd +relatively near to where I lived. This is my favorite shanty and universally +disliked by those to whom I show it. Last time I showed it to someone they said +they didn't wanna hear the whole thing and skipped to Wellerman. + 251 Bob Dylan - The Times They Are A-Changin' + 252 Metallica - Enter Sandman + 253 Men Without Hats - The Safety Dance + 254 Dead Kennedys - Holiday In Cambodia + 255 Kanye West, Jamie Foxx - Gold Digger + 256 Queen, David Bowie - Under Pressure + 257 R.E.M. - It's The End Of The World As We Know It + 258 Pink Floyd - Comfortably Numb + My Latin teacher's favorite Floyd track. + 259 Cage The Elephant - Ain't No Rest For The Wicked + I used to listen to this on repeat while playing Battlefield +1942. + 260 The Rolling Stones - Satisfaction + 261 Foo Fighters - Kids In America - Demo - 1991 + 262 The Rolling Stones - Jumpin' Jack Flash + 263 Duran Duran - Hungry Like the Wolf + 264 The Beatles - Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da + 265 Nirvana - Smells Like Teen Spirit + 266 100 gecs - mememe + 267 ABBA - Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! + 268 ABBA - Waterloo + 269 ABBA - Super Trouper + 270 Jet - Are You Gonna Be My Girl + Also 100%ed on expert on Guitar Hero for the Nintendo DS. + 271 Jimmy Eat World - The Middle + 272 Nirvana - Come As You Are + 273 Rupert Holmes - Escape + I have fan theories about this song. + 274 Weezer - Island In The Sun + 275 AmaLee - My Soul, Your Beats! + In my time as moderator for Socks' Discord server I was often +compared to Tachibana from Angel Beats, so I watched the anime. It made me cry. + 276 The White Stripes - Fell In Love With a Girl + 277 Radiohead - 15 Step + 278 I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - Leave Me Alone + 279 Gorillaz - Tomorrow Comes Today + 280 Weezer - Jacked Up + 281 Weatherday - Porcelain Hands + 282 AWOLNATION - Table for One + 283 The Beatles - For No One + 284 Ben Folds - Bitch Went Nuts + 285 I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - Sugar Pills + 286 Violent Femmes - Blister In The Sun + 287 I DONT KNOW HOW BUT THEY FOUND ME - Leave Me Alone + Duplicate. + 288 Weezer - Ain't Got Nobody + 289 Radiohead - Follow Me Around + Duplicate. + 290 Blondie - Heart Of Glass + Duplicate. + 291 The Strokes - Ode To The Mets + 292 Joy Division - Disorder + 293 Gorillaz, Beck - The Valley of The Pagans + Duplicate. + 294 Kensuke Ushio - Judgement + 295 Booker T. & the M.G.'s - Green Onions + 296 This Will Destroy You - The Mighty Rio Grande + 297 LVL1 - FVN! + 298 Perfume - Electro World + Duplicate. + 299 3l3d3p - lbitbt + Duplicate. + 300 100 gecs - bloodstains + 301 plasterbrain - Nimbasa CORE + Duplicate. + 302 Honey Claws - Digital Animal + 303 Ado, TeddyLoid - [kanji] no piero - TeddyLoid Remix + 304 Grimes - Kill V. Maim + 305 Pink Floyd - Time + 306 Paramore - Hard Times + 307 Nena - Irgendwie, irgendwo, irgendwann + 308 Gerard Way - Baby You're a Haunted House + 309 Elvis Presley - Can't Help Falling in Love + 310 Guster - Great Escape + 311 The Beatles - Eleanor Rigby + 312 Horace Silver - Song For My Father + 313 M.I.A. - Paper Planes + 314 R.E.M. - Crush With Eyeliner + I can't keep track of the duplicates so I'm not gonna note them +anymore. + 315 R.E.M. - What's The Frequency, Kenneth? + 316 R.E.M. - I Don't Sleep, I Dream + 317 Genesis - Land of Confusion + 318 Weezer - Surf Wax America + 319 Weezer - Long Time Sunshine + 320 Weezer - We Are All On Drugs + 321 Weezer - Miss Sweeney + 322 Weezer - Automatic + 323 Weezer - I Don't Want Your Loving + Death to False Metal and Everything Will Be Alright in the End +were the two albums that defined my September 2019 to March 2020. + 324 Weezer - Memories + 325 Weezer - Ain't Got Nobody + 326 Weezer - Back To The Shack + 327 Weezer - Da Vinci + 328 Weezer - Wind in Our Sail + 329 Weezer - Do You Wanna Get High? + I stopped listening to Weezer when I lost my virginity. + 330 Pink Floyd - When the Tigers Broke Free + 331 Pink Floyd - The Fletcher Memorial Home + 332 Pink Floyd - Astronomy Domine + 333 Pink Floyd - Lucifer Sam + 334 Boney M. - Rasputin + 335 Dizzee Rascal, Armand Van Helden - Bonkers + 336 Daft Punk - Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger + 337 TOTO - Africa + 338 Justice - D.A.N.C.E + 339 Joan Jett & the Blackhearts - Bad Reputation + 340 Metric - Black Sheep + 341 R.E.M. - Let Me In + 342 Tears For Fears - Everybody Wants To Rule The World + 343 Yung Bae, Natvnomvzik - Bae City Rollaz + 344 Night Tempo - Koi + 345 T. Rex - Teenage Dream + 346 Arctic Monkeys - No Buses + 347 Ramones - Blitzkrieg Bop + 348 The Beach Boys - I Get Around + 349 Billy Joel - We Didn't Start the Fire + 350 Bee Gees - How Deep Is Your Love + 351 Electric Light Orchestra - Don't Bring Me Down + 352 Bee Gees - Stayin' Alive + 353 Don McLean - American Pie + 354 Bee Gees - You Should Be Dancing + 355 Lynyrd Skynyrd - Free Bird + 356 Fleetwood Mac - Go Your Own Way + 357 Sam Cookie - Wonderful World + 358 Van Morrison - Brown Eyed Girl + 359 Marvin Gaye, Tammi Terrell - Ain't No Mountain High Enough + 360 The Beach Boys - Surfin' U.S.A. + 361 The Mamas & The Papas - California Dreamin' + 362 The Beach Boys - Wouldn't It Be Nice + 363 The Beatles - Twist And Shout + 364 The Beatles - She Loves You + 365 The Bobby Fuller Four - I Fought the Law + 366 Donovan - Mellow Yellow + 367 Creedence Clearwater Revival - Bad Moon Rising + 368 Johnny Cash - Ring of Fire + 369 Neil Diamond - Sweet Caroline + In summer camp in third or fourth grade I had a crush on a girl +named Caroline with hair like fire and freckles like falling leaves. Never saw +her again. + 370 Marilyn Manson - KILL4ME + 371 Marilyn Manson - The Beautiful People + 372 Marilyn Manson - Sweet Dreams + 373 Marilyn Manson - Fated, Faithful, Fatal + 374 Marilyn Manson - Cupid Carries A Gun + 375 Ramones - Pet Sematary + 376 Lenny Kravitz - Are You Gonna Go My Way + 377 Radiohead - Karma Police + I consider myself a Buddhist; I "converted" (seems like a +strong word) about a month ago. I do seek to follow the Dharma. nasin sewi pona +li pona. + 378 Wild Cherry - Play That Funky Music + 379 Hombres G - Devuelveme a mi chica + Minus diacritical marks. + 380 Tennessee - Te vi correr + 381 Owl City - When Can I See You Again? + 382 Panic! At The Disco - Sarah Smiles + 383 Panic! At The Disco - There's a Good Reason These Tables A[...] + 384 Panic! At The Disco - I Write Sins Not Tragedies + 385 Twenty One Pilots - Fake You Out + 386 Twenty One Pilots - Fairly Local + 387 Twenty One Pilots - Polarize + 388 Twenty One Pilots - Choker + 389 Billy Joel - We Didn't Start the Fire + 390 chelmico - Easy Breezy + 391 TWRP - Atomic Karate + I can't see TWRP without thinking of the TWilight Recovery +Partition tool for Android devices. + 392 The Aquabats! - Cat with 2 Heads! + 393 Sex Bob-Omb - Threshold + 394 Gorillaz - 19-2000 + 395 Talking Heads - Burning Down the House + 396 Christian French - avalanche + 397 Joji - Gimme Love + 398 a-ha - Take on Me + 399 Bruce Springsteen - Dancing In the Dark + 400 Whitney Houston - I Wanna Dance with Somebody + 401 Survivor - Eye of the Tiger + 402 Soft Cell - Tainted Love + 403 Huey Lewis & The News - Hip To Be Square + 404 Suzanne Vega - Tom's Diner + 405 Daryl Hall & John Oates - Private Eyes + 406 Kenny Loggins - Danger Zone + 407 Rick Astley - Never Gonna Give You Up + 408 Daryl Hall & John Oates - You Make My Dreams + 409 The Police - Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic + The only non-creepy Police song. + 410 Eurythmics, Annie Lennox, Dave Stewart - Sweet Dreams + 411 Daryl Hall & John Oates - I Can't Go for That + 412 My Chemical Romance - The Ghost of You + 413 Shiro SAGISU - ANGEL ATTACK + 414 Shiro SAGISU - MISATO + 415 Shiro SAGISU - Next Episode + 416 Daler Mehndi - Tunak Tunak Tun + 417 Mariya Takeuchi - Plastic Love + Something is off because this playlist should have 420 songs. +Whatever. My fingers are tired. + +intermission + 1 Weezer - Mirror Image + This is my breakup playlist after Usagi and I split. + 2 Weezer - Jacked Up + I wanna say April or so 2020? 2021? Probably 2020. + 3 Arctic Monkeys - Do I Wanna Know? + It hurt and it took me a long time to get over it. + 4 Weatherday - Porcelain Hands + 5 Jim Croce - Time in a Bottle + 6 Tame Impala - New Person, Same Old Mistakes + 7 AWOLNATION - Table for One + 8 The Beatles - For No One + 9 Plustwo - Melody (1983 Club Vinyl Mix) + + +/blah/2023-11-28.html + +the the the end end end of of of +end end end of of of the the the + +my friends have accepted their fate now +i've found solace in my misery + +and the light in their eyes isn't there +and some hope in the emptiness here + +how the beauty fades so softly here +but it looks like my soul's failing me + +is a testament to what we bear +because i still hold onto my fear + +poverty, death in this city life +i met a hobo on north union + +seventy hour weeks in fast food +she looked like me with differing clothes + +everyone here just keeps suffering +i asked her how she fell in the hole + +and i sing to my violent tunes +she said you're already here, you know + +(together) +and my metal music plays at night +and the skyline's littered with debris +of a simpler, hospitable time +how the hell will i afford to eat + + +/blah/2023-11-27.html + +Dear Princess Celestia, + Today I learned that the strongest ship is a friendship and that if it +isn't canon you can't accept it as part of the lore without noting the caveats. +Rainbow Dash has never actually worked at a factory that ground young fillies +and colts up into rainbows. + + +/blah/2023-11-25.html + +Neon Genesis Evangelion | My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic +---------------------------|------------------------------------ +Three kids | Six ponies + +are taught to harness the weapons only they can use because the +weapons are + +their mothers | inside them + +. They're assigned this task by the government, lead by + +Gendo Ikari | Princess Celestia + +, who + +have captured God | is God + +, because they need to vanquish forces of evil that are +threatening their world. The + +kids | ponies + +are lead by + +Misato Katsuragi | Twilight Sparkle + +because only she + +recognizes they are human. | can bring the Elements of Harmony + | together with their friendship. + +Along the way the + +children | ponies + +will grow + +father apart | closer + +due to their shared + +trauma | friendship + +. You can watch their journey together on + +Cartoon Network's Adult | Discovery Family +Swim | + +in + +2005-2006. | 2010-2019. + + +/blah/2023-11-24.html + +: phones + +Phone | Battery | Charging jack +Samsung SCH-R390 | Good | Micro USB-B, no OTG + LG UN280 | Decent | Micro USB-B, no OTG +iPhone SE (2016) | Dismal | Proprietary + Unihertz Titan | Excellent | USB-C PD + Pinephone | Upgradeable | USB-C PD + Punkt MP-02 | Excellent | USB-C but no PD + Google Pixel 3A | Excellent | USB-C PD + +Phone | Codecs | Firmware | Headphone jack +Samsung SCH-R390 | No FLAC, no Vorbis, no VP8 | Proprietary | 3.5mm + LG UN280 | No FLAC, no Vorbis, no VP8 | Proprietary | 3.5mm +iPhone SE (2016) | No FLAC, no Vorbis, no VP8 | Proprietary | 3.5mm + Unihertz Titan | Configurable | Proprietary | 3.5mm + Pinephone | Configurable | Changeable | 3.5mm + Punkt MP-02 | No FLAC, no Vorbis, no VP8 | Proprietary | over USB-C + Google Pixel 3A | Configurable | Proprietary | 3.5mm + +Phone | Keyboard | OS | SD | WLAN +Samsung SCH-R390 | Hardware | Proprietary | Micro | No + LG-UN280 | Hardware | Proprietary | Micro | No +iPhone SE (2016) | Software | Proprietary | None | Yes + Unihertz Titan | Hardware | Proprietary | Micro | Yes + Pinephone | Software or hardware | Open | Micro | Yes + Punkt MP-02 | Hardware | Proprietary | None | Yes + Google Pixel 3A | Software | Open | None | Yes + +Samsung SCH-R390 + Also known as the Freeform 4. + I used this extensively and enjoyed it at the time. + +Samsung SCH-R480 + Also known as the FreeForm 5. + No significant changes from the FreeForm 4 beyond aesthetics. + +LG UN280 + Also known as the Freedom II. + I used this extensively and enjoyed it at the time. + +iPhone SE (2016) + I used this extensively and despise it. + +Unihertz Titan + I used this extensively and despise it. + Bad hardware keyboard (no dollar sign). + Vendor unlawfully non-compliant with GPL 2 licensing on Linux, + for this reason I would avoid this phone like the plague. + +Pine64 Pinephone + I love this phone a lot. + Hardware keyboard available as an extension; + hardware keyboard also adds a second battery, + tripling the battery life of the phone. + Firmware is proprietary by default + but the vendor allows using free firmware. + +Punkt MP-02 + Sucks. + +Google Pixel 3A + The official OS is proprietary so I use an old GrapheneOS build. + 100% FOSS phone but reliable unlike the Pinephone. + + +/blah/2023-11-23.html + +Today's Thanksgiving in the United States which historically is a holiday of +some sort that I learned about in school and soon forgot because I didn't get +it. The day's significant to me as a day where usually I can find a good bite +to eat for cheap (though this is my first Thanksgiving vegan) and as a day on +which I am reminded how thankful I am for life as it is right now. + +I'm thankful for the ceiling above my head and the couch under my feet. The +walls around the room. The warmth. I'm thankful for the people with which I'm +staying allowing me to be here and I'm thankful for their friendship. One I've +known a couple years but it might as well be forever and they've been there for +me however they could when times were dire and all else was far away, despite +us not being super close super often. The other I knew in passing and now I get +to interact with them in person and they're even cooler than I thought they +were from seeing their stuff on-line. I'm thankful to them for allowing me to +stay here, and thankful to them for being friends of mine, and thankful to them +for what they contribute to the world in kindness in general. + +I'm thankful for my backpack and what's in it. I have a number of niceties I +could do without, including the laptop on which I'm typing this, and I'm glad I +have these luxuries and for my luck in this. I'm thankful for my luck in +general. There are many who cannot be inside today. Restaurants close on +Thanksgiving and I worry for those who usually refuge with coffee and their +belongings at tables in the darker areas of dining rooms. It's cold outside. +I'm thankful for the food in my belly and the clothes on my back, especially +for how good the food is here and how clean the clothes are that I'm wearing. +I'm thankful for the shirt I'm wearing which was given to me by Usagichan and +I'm thankful for Usagichan's friendship. I'm thankful for my gym pants I use as +pajamas which were given to me by one of the people who let me stay here. I'm +thankful to my employers - there will be three to consider this tax season - +for the wages with which I provide myself the things I need. I'm thankful for +dry socks and showers and being able to sleep in one layer of clothing. + +I'm thankful for my girlfriend and its putting up with my distance, not just my +physical distance but my emotional distance. I don't have the words to express +how much I am thankful for it and I am still as amazed by everything it does as +when we first met. I'm thankful for the lessons partners of the past and recent +past have taught me. I'm thankful for the love that is given to me and has +been. + +I'm thankful for my sidekick, my roommates' families, my old friends and future +co-conspirators. + +I'm thankful for the contributors to the free software I use. Bastien Dejean +for bspwm, q66 for Chimera Linux, Torvalds for Linux, the thousands of +contributors to the bigger projects, particularly Firefox, Xorg, GrapheneOS. +Emma Tebibyte, Marceline Cramer, and Sasha Koshka are people I talk to on-line +and who make programs I use, and I'm thankful for them. + +I would not be the person I am today without the generosity of others and I am +humbled by the ease with which good people do amazing things for the world. + + +/blah/2023-11-22.html + +: getting rogue to compile on chimera linux + +BUT automatically and from the netbsd source tree because i <3 netbsd + +$ git clone https://github.com/NetBSD/src +$ ^C # never mind it's 2GB +$ curl https://raw.githubusercontent.com/NetBSD/src/trunk/games/rogue/Makefile + +note to self meli mail client looks pog + +nvm im gonna go get high + + +/blah/2023-11-18.html + +One of the details about Slipstream and its universe of media (that I will +eventually get around to expressing) is that computers are largely invisible, +relegated to the spaces in the walls or servers in cities far away. +Technological literacy, like the skill to repair a car or radio, only persists +among the very highly educated so they may design the infrastructure through +which the Restovus live. This is a time that resembles a hundred years ago more +than today, despite being hundreds of years in the future, with minor details +lost in the fog of sight such as entropy being in places reversed. This also +explains airily notions of "magic" and "time travel". Slipstream in particular +is hard to follow in terms of understanding the underlying technologies, but +they're less to understand and more to accept, like all things far from one's +reality. + + +/blah/2023-11-17.html + +installing the internet archive `ia' client + +$ python3 -m pip install internetarchive + + +/blah/2023-11-16.html + +: adding a user to feeling.murderu.us, an alpine linux host + +https://wiki.alpinelinux.org/wiki/Setting_up_a_new_user + +$ scp id_ed25519.pub feeling.murderu.us:/home/trinity/ +$ ssh feeling.murderu.us + $ doas su - + # adduser -D user + # adduser user wheel + # mkdir -p /home/user/.ssh + # mv id_ed25519.pub /home/user/ + # chown -R user:user /home/user/.ssh + # exit + $ exit +$ exit + + +/blah/2023-11-15.html + +It is hard to cope with happiness. This is the best period of my life ever, bar +none. I have time to learn, discuss, work, clean, I'm wearing clean clothes and +can take regular showers. I don't know how to process it. I've never in my life +been in such a good environment with such good friends and I don't know how to +cope with getting rides everywhere, having meals made for me, my laundry done +by someone else. + +I've been very self sufficient for a little while now. I did my laundry at +either a laundromat with money I had earned from work or with my own hands in a +work sink with soap purchased with money I had earned from work. Often the +latter so I could afford to eat food I had prepared with ingredients I had +purchased with money I had earned from work, or food I had prepared during +work. A washing machine doesn't fit in a backpack, nor a dryer, though in a +pinch when walking I could hang clothes off the backpack to get at least a side +of them dry before getting to where I could change out of what I was wearing. + +In order to change my clothes I had to find a public bathroom, ideally a Burger +King because I was an employee there but in a pinch if I was fast enough a gas +station would work, put my backpack and clothes on the often dirty floor, and +strip down in a stall or in better cases when a stall was a room a full +restroom. I had to do it fast because gas station attendants and fast food +workers can smell homelessness on you, the hopelessness and stench of hand +washed clothing. It is in the modern era equivalent to smelling addiction and +on occasion I would be accused of taking so long in the bathroom to shoot up +heroin. There was never sympathy or understanding or even acceptance. Because I +was homeless, noticeably so, I was considered subhuman, vermin. + +There was no way to take a shower. Gym bathrooms work if you're cisgender or +living in a generally trans-friendly area. I was not. A shower for me was the +bathroom at work, before work, where I used my laundry soap and a bandanna to +swab my arms, face, neck, chest, and armpits. I had to be quick because the +morning workers liked to spread rumors about my being a homeless addict, +an immediately obvious falsehood to those who knew me but slander for those who +didn't. I wasn't troubled that people knew I was homeless because while +violence likes to come for those on the streets, vermin that can be tortured +and killed the same way rats and cockroaches are in apartments, I was charming, +witty, somewhat educated or seemingly, and tried to be as kind as possible to +others. I tried to be a representable member of the unhoused and of the +trannies, to appeal to those cretins with their ceilings and simpler thoughts. + +In order to change my clothes, if in the apartment, I take my clothes off and +put different clothes on. In order to take a shower I go to the bathroom, take +my clothes off, and turn the shower tap. Less pain, less ink. Can I get used to +this? Should I? When I see Subarus outside I wonder if I could have survived +the winter. It was cold as fuck sleeping outside in October. Sometimes I wonder +if I did die in that car. If this is heaven. I wonder if I did die in that car +and so now if I am a different person than who entered. I wonder if Toni is +still where I left her in the parking lot, if she's rotting from disuse and if +the cardboard I used to seal the rear window is molding. The picture of Dorian +Grey. + + +/blah/2023-11-12.html + +Happy birthday my dears. + +Oedipus + +1 Iam nocte Titan dubius expulsa redit + now night Titan doubt expel I return +1 I return at night now to dubious Titan + +2 et nube maestus squalida exoritur iubar, + & to cloud sad foul become radiance +2 and to the foul, sorry smog that had become its radiance, + +3 lumenque flamma triste luctifica gerens + +4 prospiciet avida peste solatas domos, + +5 stragemque quam nox fecit ostendet dies. + + + +/blah/2023-11-06.html + +Some stuff is failing in Rust. I'll put this stuff here which is part of the +Hearth running processs as a note but I still don't have this working. I got a +job and have been working the last couple days. + +$ cargo install cargo-update +$ cargo install cargo-xtask +$ rustup target add wasm32-unknown-unknown +$ git clone https://github.com/hearth-rs/kindling +$ sh -c 'cd kindling; cargo build-root' + +I don't remember what I was doing on here. I see these errors: + + = note: clang-16: warning: argument unused during compilation: '-no-pie' [-Wu + ld: error: unable to find library -lssl + ld: error: unable to find library -lcrypto + ld: error: unable to find library -lz + clang-16: error: linker command failed with exit code 1 (use -v to se + +In installing cargo-update, so I guess I'll try + +# apk add openssl-devel # did nothing; is installed +# apk add libssl3 # did nothing; is installed + +Okay I give up. Whatever. + + --> src/main.rs:23:48 + | +23 | if let Ok(val) = if let Ok(val) = reqwest::blocking::get(jasima_remote + | + +Cargo.toml: +- reqwest = "0.11" ++ request = { version = "0.11", features = ["blocking"] } + + +/blah/2023-11-03.html + +Rest in peace Jayden Cho-Sargent. 2003-2016. + +[05:33] q66: sanchan: that's not a solution and you should not do that +[05:33] q66: libgcc-chimera exists purely for compatibility with prebuilt + binary software +[05:34] q66: you should fix whatever to not link gcc_s instead + +FROM: ckie +TO: trinity +SUBJECT: why do thaaattt +DATE: 2023-11-03 05:36:26 +0200 + +why do thaaattttttttttttttttttttttttt + +~>~::: + + 😭 + why do that + +Why OD THAT ~??? +Why Do that. +That's so evil trinity, you could . Like., Not do that. Please? + +[cirno_actually_plays_zelda_in_terminal.png] + +WH??? y...y.... + +🥺 🥹 🥹 🥹 😭 + +x∅x∅ +[return address] + +ne hone ronnewrn nenh..n rkmrawr ) : + WA waoo ohoooo o + w hy yyy mREAWmmmmm + +cc [...] says u might'v listenef in so hi u hearxd me ig maybe + ( only if fae not wearin heapdohn ) + +FROM: trinity +TO: ckie +SUBJECT: Re: why do thaaattt +DATE: 2023-11-03 07:09:06 +0000 + +do i have permission to put this on my blah https://trinity.moe/blah/ + +FROM: ckie +TO: trinity +SUBJECT: Re: why do thaaattt +DATE: 2023-11-03 14:31:44 +0000 + +sure maybe leave the attachment out it's meow [...] +[...] + +Friendship formed! Hell yeah! + +Readers should e-mail me stuff I can respond to on my blah like I'm a real +Buzzfeed journalist or as if I was writing the next Dracula. Epistular +storytelling. + +$ ssh root@all.evil +ssh: Could not resolve hostname all.evil: Name does not resolve + +allevil.org is available but I don't have money to blow on domains right now. + +E-mailing entities like ckie is delightful. What is "e-mail" in toki pona? +toki pona la E-mail pi toki inli li seme? Maybe toki lipu kiwen - metal +documented speech? How can uncertainty be represented in toki pona? + +They discussed continental philosophy last night at Sangha. I'm gonna need to +read Anti-Oedipus. Or actually Descartes. + +There's a project some friends of mine are working on called Hearth. It just +merged in a sister project, Flue, last night. It's written in extraordinarily +clean Rust and is the reason I'm learning Rust. It's going to be a big deal. + +$ git clone https://github.com/hearth-rs/hearth +$ cd hearth +$ cargo build +error: failed to run custom build command for `msdfgen-sys v0.2.1` + +Caused by: + process didn't exit successfully: `/home/trinity/hearth/target/debug/build/ms +dfgen-sys-3ee3a8b654b57797/build-script-build` (exit status: 101) + --- stderr + thread 'main' panicked at /home/trinity/.cargo/registry/src/index.crates.io-6 +f17d22bba15001f/msdfgen-sys-0.2.1/build.rs:33:13: + No prebuilt bindings. Try use `bindgen` feature. + note: run with `RUST_BACKTRACE=1` environment variable to display a backtrace +warning: build failed, waiting for other jobs to finish... + +$ cp hearth/crates/font-mud/Cargo.toml hearth/crates/font-mud/Cargo.toml.orig +$ hearth/crates/font-mud/Cargo.toml.orig \ + sed '8c msdfgen = {version = "0.2.1", default-features = false, features = ["bindgen", "ttf-parser", "png"]}' +$ cargo build +error: failed to run custom build command for `msdfgen-sys v0.2.1` + +Caused by: + process didn't exit successfully: `/home/trinity/hearth/target/debug/build/ms +dfgen-sys-80b011bd235771f0/build-script-build` (exit status: 101) + --- stdout + cargo:rerun-if-env-changed=TARGET_SYSROOT + cargo:rerun-if-env-changed=CXX_STDLIB + + --- stderr + thread 'main' panicked at /home/trinity/.cargo/registry/src/index.crates.io-6 +f17d22bba15001f/bindgen-0.63.0/./lib.rs:2338:31: + Unable to find libclang: "the `libclang` shared library at /usr/lib/libclang. +so.16.0.6 could not be opened: Dynamic loading not supported" + note: run with `RUST_BACKTRACE=1` environment variable to display a backtrace +warning: build failed, waiting for other jobs to finish... + +$ doas su - +# apk add clang-devel +$ cargo build +$ # [no dice] + + +/blah/2023-11-02.html + +$ ldconfig -p +$ + +Oh, right. Hm. + +https://pkgs.chimera-linux.org/packages > contents > "ldconfig" +ldconfig belongs to apk:musl-progs. +# apk fix musl-progs +fetch https://repo.chimera-linux.org/current/contrib/aarch64/APKINDEX.tar.gz +fetch https://repo.chimera-linux.org/current/main/aarch64/APKINDEX.tar.gz +(1/1) Reinstalling musl-progs (1.2.4-r4) +OK: 2623 MiB in 982 packages +# ls -l $(which ldconfig) +lrwxrwxrwx 1 root root 4 Nov 2 09:48 /bin/ldconfig -> true + +Hm. + +# unlink /bin/ldconfig +# ls -l $(which ldconfig) +lrwxrwxrwx 1 root root 4 Nov 2 09:49 /bin/ldconfig -> true + +Uh. I guess I'll ask OFTC#chimera-linux. + +This being caused by a system upgrade would explain the initial timestamp of +yesterday at 1700, when probably I ran `# apk -U upgrade` out of habit. I can't +find much on the package browser or anything so I guess I'll just wait for +somepony to get back to me on IRC. + +[09:52] sanchan: hey how come ldconfig is linked to true by musl-progs? +[09:53] sanchan: i think this happened after a recent update. i'm on aarch64 + but a $ unlink /bin/ldconfig; doas apk fix musl-progs re-links + ldconfig->true +[10:17] q66: it's supposed to be, what else would it be +[10:18] q66: it always was too +[10:46] sanchan: i'm trying to get some rust stuff working and cargo is failing + to compile a C dependency for lack of -lgcc_s +[10:46] sanchan: i installed gcc-chimera or whatever it's called but still no + dice +[10:47] q66: okay +[10:48] sanchan: ,/lib/libgcc_s.so.1 exists so it seems like an ldconfig issue, + online troubleshooting said ldconfig -p might tell me what's + going on +[10:49] sanchan: this isn't my area of expertise +[10:49] q66: i don't understand how you get to that conclusion +[10:49] q66: ldconfig isn't a thing with musl +[10:49] q66: libgcc_s isn't a thing with compiler-rt +[10:49] sanchan: blindly following troubleshooting guides +[10:49] sanchan: i see +[10:51] q66: glibc has a dynamic linker cache for library lookups, ldconfig + controls that cache +[10:51] q66: musl doesn't have a cache +[10:52] q66: that's why ldconfig is a symlink to true +[10:52] q66: so that when something hardcodes calling it, it's a noop +[10:54] sanchan: interesting +[10:55] sanchan: cargo must just not be checking the right dirs or something. + i'll play around with it +[10:55] sanchan: thank you! +[10:55] q66: <@q66> libgcc_s isn't a thing with compiler_rt +[10:55] q66: something hardcoding lgcc_s is wrong +[10:55] q66: it shouldn't be doing that + +The Chimera Linux IRC channel is really valuable for figuring out system +weirdness but I always feel weird bugging the Professionals^TM for my awful +computer issues. + +Rust tickles my brain so I'm gonna work on that instead of this. +Rust says: Package openssl was not found in the pkg-config search path. +I say: # apk add openssl-devel +And so it worked. + +Rust says: = note: ld: error: unable to find library -lgcc_s +I say: Shit. + +Okay, so this is an ld error (actually an error in that -lgcc_s shouldn't be +required but whatever). + +fn jasima_get() -> Result { + if let Ok(val) = if let Ok(val) = reqwest::blocking::get(jasima_remote()) { + let file = File::create(jasima_local()); + file.write_all(val.text()); + Ok(val.text()) + } else if let Ok(val) = read_to_string(jasima_local()) { + Ok(val) + } else { + Err("Unavailable") + } { + json::parse(val) + } else { + Err("Unavailable") + } +} + +MARS: That should compile, but also, what the fuck is wrong with you? + +I'm never going back to C. + +Marcie checked out my cargo stuff and said "Hmm. Wack" or the equivalent dog +noise. + +Burgered king; regiphagia. + +Beat Mars at 2048. I feel accomplished. Also I got a job today. + +I am just sort of here. I don't live here or anywhere else or anywhere in +particular and just come with my hosts when they do cool stuff and chip in +however I can in terms of housework or finances. This is a really pleasing +existence but I can't help thinking I can and should be doing more. + +$ ld -L/usr/lib -lgcc_s +ld: error: unable to find library -lgcc_s + +https://stackoverflow.com/questions/335928/ld-cannot-find-an-existing-library +>A quick hack is to symlink libmagic.so.1 to libmagic.so +# ln -s /usr/lib/libgcc_s.so.1 /usr/lib/libgcc_s.so +# ^D +$ ld -L/usr/lib -lgcc_s +ld: warning: cannot find entry symbol _start; not setting start address + +You're fucking shitting me. + +We're all just chilling in Samsara. + + +/blah/2023-11-01.html + +Rabbit rabbit. + +$ doas su - +# apk del rust cargo +# ^D +$ curl --proto '=https' --tlsv1.2 https://sh.rustup.rs -sSf >rustup.sh +$ more <rustup.sh # DO NOT PIPE CURL INTO SH!!! +$ sh rustup.sh + +I went with a default installation because whatever. I just hope this doesn't +fuck up my system because I quite like my system as it's installed. + +$ . .cargo/env +$ rustc --version +Error loading shared library libgcc_s.so.1: No such file or directory (needed b +Error loading shared library libgcc_s.so.1: No such file or directory (needed b +Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- +Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- +Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- +Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- +Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- +Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- +Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- +Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- +Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- +Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- +Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- +Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- +Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- +Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- +Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- +Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- +Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- +Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- +Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- +Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- +Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- +Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- +Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- +Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- +Error relocating /home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unknown-linux- + +Hmmm. + +$ doas su - +# apk add libgcc-chimera +# ^D +$ rustc --version +rustc 1.73.0 (cc66ad468 2023-10-03) + +Cool. + +Consultation with hosts: print!("{}", var); uses the display trait of var while +print!("{:?}", var); uses the debug trait of var. + +At night I like to look around and feel the air on my skin. The air is still +but flowing because this place is well ventilated yet well heated and feels +nice, is a nice temperature. I like to look around at the walls and how they +blend into the ceiling, distinct only by texture and shade. There are no gaps +between them. Nor between the wall and the floor. The walls are clean here. So +is the floor. So is the ceiling. There are fire alarms and carbon monoxide +detectors and blinds on the windows and the air is nice but most importantly +the space is so big. A month ago I was waking up in a car, freezing. I was +freezing because the car had nearly no insulation and nearly no ventilation, so +my breath would condense onto any object that had some warmth to give it like +the windows or my blankets or sleeping bag. The condensation would cool me in +the night. I would wake up often in the very early morning hours shivering and +unable to get warm, kept awake by Kami insisting we not fall asleep or we could +die of hypothermia. I'd read Alias Grace or another book on my tablet, the +glass cold to the touch and foggy, wishing I was somewhere else, somewhere far +away where I couldn't touch the clean ceiling even if I stretched my arm out to +as far away as my fingertips could reach. Now I am here, the place of which I +dreamed. The walls are so far away and yet the air here, so much air, is so +warm. It's comfortable. I'm laying on a couch which is comfortable and using my +laptop comfortably and using wall electricity and laying in warmth and there's +a sink in this room or adjacent to get water on demand and there is fucking +laundry! I can do my fucking laundry! I can take a shower when I wish to! And +every night out of joy I cry myself to sleep. I sob like a little piss baby, +muffling my cries with my mouth or my will or when those fail the sleeping bag +in which I lay because I'm terrified that I will be back on the street again +and without the car and unable to get comfortable on hard surfaces anymore. + +I met Toni in February, a 1999 green Subaru Forester or Forrester or something. +She was driven by my sidekick and in fine shape except for some difficulties +making it up hills. At the time my sidekick was considerably less so and I was +coming off some bad decisions with drugs and we were discussing some stuff and +I was in love with that car but never thought I would end up living in it. The +best weekend I'd ever lived. + +I met Toni in a different light in September or so. I'd slept near a pile of +nearly unidentifiable corpses, the same hill about a hundred paces away, and +then went to work and pretended I hadn't. Then I scootered a ways down a hill +and up another to a different Burger King than the one at which I had worked +and crawled through the rear of the car, fringed with broken glass which did +cut me once or twice, and slept in the passenger seat in my sleeping bag. It +wasn't comfortable compared to where I am now but it was better than any of the +places I'd tried to sleep over that week and I got nine or so hours. I woke up +and went to work, the other Burger King, chipper. None of my coworkers knew I +was homeless but I didn't hide it. When I was homeless (technically I still am) +in Lewiston I wanted to actually let people know I was homeless because I +dispelled a lot of classic stereotypes about homeless people - I was educated, +sober, and employed. But rent money is not simply money but money in a bulk I +didn't have. The purpose of that job was to get the money to get where I am now +but I still can't believe I am actually here. + +Sometimes when I close my eyes I see them, the corpses torn apart by something +of the forest, and I feel the exhaustion that rooted itself into my bones. And +I wake up and I'm hear under a clean ceiling and the walls are so far away. In +Toni I couldn't sit up without hitting my head, I had to duck or bend my back +somehow. I couldn't extend my legs. Here I can extend my legs however I want in +whatever direction I want. And pee as soon as I wake up. + +I feel so fucked. My body is safe but my mind will not stop feeling like there +is something from which to run. I can't forget what I saw and what I felt and +who I was and what I did and being chased and losing trails and playing with +trails and tracers and the falling down hills and sirens and sillhouettes in +red and blue and making my way through dark alleys full of knives and shopping +knives and losing knives and cutting, others and myself, and biting belts as I +repaired my own mechanical faults and shocking myself until I forgot why and +waking up to screaming and waking up to screaming and waking up to screaming. +This is peace. What is peace? + +Peace is the two library books I've read and returned since getting a library +card here. What If (2014) and What If 2 (2022). Neither really books I needed +to read or was recommended. Just books I wanted to enjoy. Peace is learning +Rust to contribute to friends' projects, using my laptop, drinking clean water +straight from the tap. Peace is riding in the car behind a few of the smartest +people I know who seem happy I'm here and safe, or at least that my body is +safe, but I don't tell them about the memories I can't get out of my head, just +the memories that haunt me but that are allowed to escape, to be forgotten +momentarily, that alone haunt my hosts. I still feel like I'm in the car +sometimes. I feel the old seat felt against the backs of my arms as I come to +from my sleeping bag. I see my breath fog in front of me. I don't but I do, I +see without seeing. Kami shakes me until I wake up. It's not safe. But it's +never safe, it's never safe because I'm still in the car and the lights are +pouring through the windows but it's the sun's light and it's through apartment +windows and it is safe here but it's not safe because the light is pouring +through the windows and I can be seen and someone is about to start yelling +that they will kill me because they don't see me as human and this was the only +secluded place I could find but it's not secluded because it's a floor behind a +locked door but it's not secluded so it's not safe and I'm taking up too much +space so my hosts are going to hate me but they tell me I can take up more +space certainly but I'm taking up too much space. + +And I just want to go to sleep. I want peace. Peace was taken from me by those +who wage war on the proletariat. Whatever. I'm too tired. Could this even be +real? What happy existence? Am I really allowed to relax? Isn't it a trick? + +o tenpo pimejo pona + + = note: ld: error: unable to find library -lgcc_s + clang-16: error: linker command failed with exit code 1 (use -v to se +e invocation) + +error: could not compile `clap_derive` (lib) due to previous error + +# apk add gcc-aarch64-none-elf +# ^D +$ cargo run + Compiling clap_derive v4.4.7 +error: linking with `cc` failed: exit status: 1 + | + = note: LC_ALL="C" PATH="/home/trinity/.rustup/toolchains/stable-aarch64-unkn +[many lines abridged] + +Okay, so Rust is having issues with the lack of gcc here. It kinda sucks that +clap is using C stuff. I'm not sure if I should get this C stuff working first +or switch to a pure Rust argument parser. + +Looking at this command line, it's LC_ALL=C PATH=[...] VSLANG=1033 cc [and then +a whole bunch of bogus] [cflags] -lgcc_s lc [and then more cflags]. What +provides gcc_s? + +$ ls /lib | grep gcc +drwxr-xr-x root root 4.0 KB Fri Sep 8 05:26:01 2023 gcc +.rwxr-xr-x root root 70 KB Wed Oct 25 16:41:53 2023 libgcc_s.so.1 + +Presumably libgcc_s.so.1 was put there by libgcc-chimera (I'm not gonna bother +checking). I'm just gonna search this error text because I'm not sure why the C +compiler wouldn't be checking /lib. + +$ ldconfig -p +$ ldconfig +$ ldconfig --help +$ echo $? +0 +$ ls $(which ldconfig) +lrwxrwxrwx root root 4 B Tue Oct 31 17:08:41 2023 🔖 /bin/ldconfig ⇒ true + +Hahahahhahahaha. What. Where's ldconfig?!?!?!?!?!?!! I would assume this is the +root of the issue at hand. + +At my most boring I have wished for a life worse than the one I have now. This +is the most enjoyable my life has ever been and yet it is unrelentingly +chaotic and I don't know how to get the pieces to fit. I feel irredeemable and +unable to relate to anyone or anything except perhaps a pebble being kicked +across the asphalt of the road or leaves falling off the trees, ripening, +wrinkling, from a soothing green to a reminder of the loss of youth. + +One day I expected rain overnight so I slept in the passenger seat so I could +see the rain fall down the windshield. It was a view I had romanticized in my +head, one I wanted to pause and view for eternity. My sidekick did not. They +have places to go and things to do naturally so when it happened that we were +caught in rain and got to see rain fall over Toni we watched for a moment or +two and then drove onward toward the future, beckoning it without letting it +take its time. I was excited to be able to take this moment, though +unfortunately in solitude, at the pace by which I wanted to experience it. So I +fell asleep against the bitter cold of that parking lot and awoke to the pitter +patter of droplets against the glass before me and that was peaceful and I was +for a moment happy. But then I heard a colder, shriller tap from behind, and +turned around to find the cover for the rear window I'd fashioned out of +cardboard and plastic leaking by the seams, forming a puddle that would +inevitably fill with mildew and rot. I stared at this and realized my time in +Toni was limited. Toni would mildew, rot, and disintegrate, as had all my +relationships and all of my chances at housing. + +After work I got back to the car and the puddle in the back was bad but in +getting into the car I had left my wet boots on the floor of the passenger seat +so the back was the only place in which I could sleep. My head curved away from +the active dripping I heard the clack clack behind me of rain making its way +through half a dozen layers of duct tape and mockig me before I sat up and just +fucking broke down. I couldn't stay in Toni but couldn't stay anywhere else and +I was out of options and just so fucking tired and cold and damp. There was no +one to comfort me and no solace to be had. My sidekick had left for another +style of adventure, everyone in my life had been either implicitly or +explicitly transphobic towards me, and I had inconsistent access to electricity +and clean water and hadn't showered in a week. It was the lowest point of my +life. To be wet and unable to be dry, to be cold and unable to be warm, to be +so tired and unable to sleep, to be so alone with nobody left. I sobbed like a +baby and didn't care who could hear me, the rain covered the sound and whomever +it revealed my cries could kill me for all I cared - I did genuinely want +someone to just open the car door and stab me, clutch me in a warm embrace and +spill my hot blood over me so I could just be warm for one fatal instant. +Nobody came. I fell asleep. + +And from this dream I wake up to a ceiling so high and a floor so dry and air +unknowing of the sound of dripping agony but acclimated to my sobs which, +though muffled, do still call silently into the night after my hosts have +hopefully fallen asleep. And I don't know how to process being thrown from the +frigid shackles in which I'd been locked into the shocking freedom of domestic +cookie cutter monotony. I don't know how to fathom the stillness. I no longer +need to run but my muscles refuse to atrophy, instead slowly cycling in my +slumber lest I rise back to the street and to another abandoned car in another +parking lot. The gray pavement on which parking lots are drawn knows me better +than any four walls. Ceiling is not my usual blanket. + + +/blah/2023-10-31.html + +: trinity writes a rust hello world + +Where I now find myself living (though to say I live here would be a lie) I am +surrounded by a couple of the smartest people I know, and through some days of +wearing me down I am donning the programmer socks and writing a Rust Hello +World program. + +I am now actually wearing thigh highs. +# apk add rust + +I don't actually know how to get the Rust build system going but this seems +like the best option so I'll go with this which is already packaged for +Chimera. + +Oh, I'll need cargo(1) too. +# apk add cargo + +One of my friends built the Rust book PDF for me which is nice because I can +consult it on my tablet while programming on the laptop. + +>Foreword +>It wasn't always so clear, but the Rust programming language is fundamentally +>about *empowerment*... + +Okay, I get why so many chan-types are so against Rust. But seeing how people +who know Rust use Rust I am sort of starting to get it. It's a high level +language that can be used well for systems programming, basically? + +>To check whether you have Rust installed correctly, open a shell and enter +>this line: +$ rustc --version +Okay. +rustc 1.73.0 (cc66ad468 2023-10-03) (Chimera Linux) +Awesome! + +I don't have rustup so I can't read the Rust docs but I'll probably be around a +web browser when programming so I think it's fine? + +Rust wants me to make a Hello, World! to start, but that's not super practical +code for me. I think I'm gonna start smaller and make a true(1) implementation. + +```rs +fn main() { +} +``` + +Works. + +```rs +``` + +Does not work; there's no `main` function so the program doesn't know how to +execute: + +error[E0601]: `main` function not found in crate `r#true` + | + = note: consider adding a `main` function to `true.rs` + +error: aborting due to previous error + +For more information about this error, try `rustc --explain E0601`. + +I really like the `rustc --explain` thing, this reminds me of Shellcheck. +Compare to the clang error message when compiling the same file: + +ld: error: undefined symbol: main +>>> referenced by crt1.c:18 (../crt/crt1.c:18) +>>> /lib/Scrt1.o:(_start_c) +>>> referenced by crt1.c:18 (../crt/crt1.c:18) +>>> /lib/Scrt1.o:(_start_c) +clang-16: error: linker command failed with exit code 1 (use -v to see invocati +on) + +There's a lot going on here that the beginner (or even proficient C programmer) +doesn't know and doesn't know how to start to know. + +Alright, what about this: + +```rs +fn main(); +``` + +error: free function without a body + --> true.rs:1:1 + | +1 | fn main(); + | ^^^^^^^^^- + | | + | help: provide a definition for the function: `{ <body> }` + +error: aborting due to previous error + +Okay, so `fn main() { }` seems to be the simplest way to do this. How do I +return an exit code explicitly, though, so I can make a false(1) +implementation? + +It was at this point one of the people I know who knows Rust came by and I told +them how I was coming along and they were really supportive of my very meager +progress. + +I found some stuff here: +https://doc.rust-lang.org/std/process/struct.ExitCode.html + +So instead of understanding everything that's happening I'll try just plugging +some code in, StackOverflow style: + +```rs +use std::process::ExitCode; + +fn main() -> ExitCode { + ExitCode::from(0) +} +``` + +TRIN: Can I name you in my blog? Or should I keep saying "it was at this point + one of the people with which I'm staying walked through on its pacing + route"? +MARS: You can say Mars, that's fine. + +TRIN: So you can put a constant on the last line of a function + without a trailing semicolon to return that value? +MARS [paraphrased]: Yeah. It's less to say, "return that value" than it is to + say "this function has this value". Rust is a functional + language disguised as a procedural language. + +Okay, that fucks. ExitCode has a SUCCESS constant I could also use, meaning the +equivalent to C's `E_OK` or whatever the constant provided by stdio.h is, but +I'm wary about using a library-defined constant less it changes because POSIX +does not change (much). So I think this is a good Rust true(1) implementation. +It can be found in src/true/true.rs. And src/false/false.rs: + +```rs +use std::process::ExitCode; + +fn main() -> ExitCode { + ExitCode::from(1) +} +``` + +I just had supper which was delicious, vegan hot dogs and some macaroni my +hosts had left over. They are really delightful. + +Now I wanna make echo(1). This will serve as my HelloWorld as it uses stdout +printing and, beyond the usual HelloWorld, very light argument handling. The +book mentions cargo(1) which I will be using but for now I'll stick to single +.rs files because echo(1) shouldn't have any dependencies. + +It looks like std::env will give me stuff relating to arguments, std::env::args +or std::env::args_os. According to StackOverflow the difference is in typing. +I've heard docs.rs has some documentation but looking at the site it looks like +it only documents third party cargo crates, which are like C libraries but (I +think) included per-project so as to not muck up the system (I hope). I looked +up "rust std env" and found docs.rust-lang.org which has /std/env which was +what I needed. + +The Rust documentation summarizes more thoroughly but, basically, an OsString, +the type instances of which are iterated through by (oh my god this sentence is +a prepositional mess I give up) an OsString is a fat pointer or whatever the +Rust equivalent is while a String is probably just a nul-terminated sequence of +bytes. Implementation-defined of course but Rust documentation notes that +OsString should be converted to a CStr before being used in UNIX system calls. +A nice detail I'm happy to know! I shouldn't have to do any string conversion; +echo(1) should spit out *exactly* what it's given (opinion; implementations +differ) just with space delimiting and newline ending. Hopefully there's a way +for me to print out an OsString without conversion or anything. I need to `use +std::ffi::{OsStr, OsString};` or something like that I think but I'm gonna try +with just `use std::env;` at first. + +The use of echo(1) is defined for argc<2 (print a newline alone; argc can be +zero without consequence here) and argc>=2, so it won't be necessary to return +a value from main(), Rust can just use the default successful value. + +It looks like OsStr and OsString are from std::ffi which provides tools for FFI +bindings. This also notes that the Rust String is also fat and not nul +-terminated. It looks like the difference is that OsString represents an "owned +platform string" and an OsStr represents a "borrowed reference to a platform +string". This, I think, relates to memory management and a Borrow Checker +(spooky) about which I haven't gotten around to learning. Rust's std::ffi is +fascinating but while learning Rust I wanna be doing things oxidatiously or +whatever and not doing a thin Rust wrapper and then my usual C bullshit. One of +the things about Rust that excites me is that it seems to be able to make +guarantees about project stability C can't but I don't know much about that +except the stuff Mars has shown me that I don't quite understand. + +So how do I iterate through env::args_os? According to its reference page, +```rs +use std::env; + +fn main() { + for argument in env::args_os() { + println!("{argument:?}"); + } +} +``` +Wow! What the fuck is a println!? According to the Rust book all we need to +know is that the `!` suffix is some Hungarian notation esque marker that +println!() is a macro. The Rust documentation provides a definition, I think, +of println: +```rs +macro_rules! println { + () => { ... }; + ($($arg:tt)*) => { ... }; +} +``` +I think the `{ ... }` notes abridged portions and the [...]` => { ... };` +indicates that one case is triggered by println receiving no arguments and the +other case is triggered by println receiving any other amount of arguments. I +don't know if this is actual code or anything but yeah uh... Rust macros. Cool. +What I was actually interested in is how to print without a newline. I think +there's a macro for that too. +```rs +macro_rules! print { + ($($arg:tt)*) => { ... }; +} +``` +Interesting. The documentation notes: +>Prints to the standard output. +> +>Equivalent to the `println!` macro except that a newline is not printed at the +>end of the message. +>Note that stdout is frequently line-buffered by default so it may be necessary +>to use `io::stdout().flush()` to ensure the output is emitted immediately. +I like the note that `fflush(stdout);` is needed because this bites C beginners +a lot when writing stuff that does something like `printf("> "); +fgets([...]);`. + +I see stuff in here about `.unwrap()` and `stdout().lock()` but I hope I don't +need that because I don't understand it yet. I'm just gonna use print!. So how +do I print! an OsString? And how do I handle argc<2? + +The book chapter 12 actually touches on a lot of this and I stumbled upon it +looking at std::env stuff. Here's a test I can run from the book: +```rs +use std::env; + +fn main() { + let args: Vec<String> = env::args().collect(); + dbg!(args); +} +``` + +I'll modify that a little: +```rs +use std::env; + +fn main() { + let args: Vec<OsString> = env::args().collect(); + dbg!(args); +} +``` +$ rustc echo.rs +error[E0412]: cannot find type `OsString` in this scope + --> echo.rs:4:19 + | +4 | let args: Vec<OsString> = env::args().collect(); + | ^^^^^^^^ + --> /builddir/rust-1.73.0/library/alloc/src/string.rs:365:1 + | + = note: similarly named struct `String` defined here + | +help: a struct with a similar name exists + | +4 | let args: Vec<String> = env::args().collect(); + | ~~~~~~ +help: consider importing this struct + | +1 + use std::ffi::OsString; + | + +error: aborting due to previous error + +For more information about this error, try `rustc --explain E0412`. + +Okay. +$ sed -e '1a use std::ffi::OsString' <echo.rs >echo.2.rs +$ rustc echo.2.rs +error[E0277]: a value of type `Vec<OsString>` cannot be built from an iterator +over elements of type `String` + --> echo.rs:5:43 + | +5 | let args: Vec<OsString> = env::args().collect(); + | ^^^^^^^ value of type `Vec<OsStri +ng>` cannot be built from `std::iter::Iterator<Item=String>` + | + = help: the trait `FromIterator<String>` is not implemented for `Vec<OsString>` + = help: the trait `FromIterator<T>` is implemented for `Vec<T>` +note: required by a bound in `collect` + --> /builddir/rust-1.73.0/library/core/src/iter/traits/iterator.rs:2049:5 + +error: aborting due to previous error + +For more information about this error, try `rustc --explain E0277` + +Oh shit, I forgot to change env::args to env::os_args. +$ sed -e '5s.args.os_args.' <echo.2.rs >echo.rs +$ rustc echo.rs +error[E0425]: cannot find function `os_args` in module `env` + --> echo.rs:5:36 + | +5 | let args: Vec<OsString> = env::os_args().collect(); + | ^^^^^^^ help: a function with a similar +name exists: `args_os` + --> /builddir/rust-1.73.0/library/std/src/env.rs:793:1 + | + = note: similarly named function `args_os` defined here + +error: aborting due to previous error + +For more information about this error, try `rustc --explain E0425`. + +Oops. +$ sed -e '5s.os_args.args_os.' <echo.rs >echo.2.rs +$ rustc echo.2.rs +$ + +So presumably it compiled. +$ ./echo +[echo.rs:6] args = [ + "./echo", +] + +Okay, that debug macro is kinda awesome. The 500K binary makes me kinda weirded +out, what's the size of the actual echo.c (which is the complete program) when +compiled for arm64 (my current architecture)? + +.rwxr-xr-x trinity trinity 9.8 KB Tue Oct 31 21:01:27 2023 🏗 a.out + +This output is prettier than usual because I'm using lsd(1), a reimplementation +of the standard POSIX ls(1). My girlfriend in Florida uses it and it's really +pleasant and color codes some stuff in a way that's very useful. + +10K is a lot less than half a meg. I wonder if Rust is statically compiling +versus relying on system library stuff. I don't wanna bother looking this up so +I'll go ask Mars. + +Its door is closed so I'll look this up. "why are rust binaries so big" popped +up a StackOverflow post that started with "Rust uses static linking" so that +answers my question. I would assume a statically linked C executable would be +about that big, from memory I think this is true but don't wanna bother testing +because I don't have the energy to look up clang arguments. + +$ cc -static echo.c +ld: error: unable to find library -l:libunwind.a +ld: error: unable to find library -latomic +ld: error: unable to find library -lc +clang-16: error: linker command failed with exit code 1 (use -v to see invocati +on) + +Yeah, I'm not sorting that out, I'm not building C stuff on here to distribute. + +I think vec.len() will tell me how many arguments I've received? + +```rs +use std::env; +use std::ffi::OsString; + +fn main() { + let args: Vec<OsString> = env::args_os().collect(); + dbg!(args); + dbg!(args.len()); +} +``` +$ rm echo.2.rs +$ rustc echo.rs +error[E0382]: borrow of moved value: `args` + --> echo.rs:7:10 + | +5 | let args: Vec<OsString> = env::args_os().collect(); + | ---- move occurs because `args` has type `Vec<OsString>`, which doe +s not implement the `Copy` trait +6 | dbg!(args); + | ---------- value moved here +7 | dbg!(args.len()); + | ^^^^ value borrowed here after move + | + +error: aborting due to previous error + +For more information about this error, try `rustc --explain E0382`. + +Okay, so now I'm talking to the borrow checker. Maybe if I assign the length to +a variable it'll work? I don't know what I'm doing. + +```rs +use std::env::args_os; +use std::ffi::OsString; + +fn main() { + let args: Vec<OsString> = args_os().collect(); + let argc = args.len(); + dbg!(args); + dbg!(argc); +} +``` +$ rustc echo.rs +$ ./echo +[echo.rs:7] args = [ + "./echo", +] +[echo.rs:8] argc = 1 + +Okay. I don't know why that works but it does. Something to do with memory +management. That's not a big deal to me because I understand when I do fucky +wucks like +```py +try: print("c = " + str( + (float(input("a = ")) ** 2 + + float(input("b = ")) ** 2) + ** 0.5)) +except ValueError: print("input must be a number") +except: pass +``` +there's a lot of memory shit happening behind the scenes I don't have to worry +about, unlike in the equivalent C where I would have to handle buffer overflows +(I personally would toss the excess and skip to the newline) and string to +float conversion. Rust requiring some steps Python wouldn't makes sense to me +because while Rust is less pedantic it doesn't lie to me (much). + +Let me try something now: +```rs +use std::env::args_os; +use std::ffi::OsString; + +fn main() { + let argv: Vec<OsString> = args_os.collect(); + let argc = argv.len(); + + if argc < 2 { + println!(); + } else { + dbg!(argv); + } +} +``` +$ rustc echo.rs +$ ./echo | hexdump -C +00000000 0a |.| +00000001 +$ ./echo piss shit +[echo.rs:11] argv = [ + "./echo", + "piss", + "shit", +] + +Cool stuff. I don't think Rust has ternaries so I'm not gonna be able to do +language tricks to make the code really compact like my C implementation: +```c +#include <stdio.h> /* NULL, fprintf(3), putc(3) */ +#include <stdlib.h> /* stdout */ +#include <sysexits.h> /* EX_OK */ + +int main(int argc, char **argv){ + + if(*argv == NULL || *++argv == NULL){ + argc = 1; + putc('\n', stdout); + } + + while(--argc) + fprintf(stdout, "%s%c", *(argv++), argc > 1 ? ' ' : '\n'); + + return EX_OK; +} +``` +Something I really like is that whereas in C I note what I use from headers in +comments like a total tool, Rust lets me bring individual structures and +functions in so I can keep track of my dependencies in code alone. + +I wonder if I can +```rs +use std::env::args_os; + +fn main() { + let argc = args_os().collect().len(); + dbg!(argc); +} +``` +$ rustc echo.rs +error[E0282]: type annotations needed + --> echo.rs:5:26 + | +4 | let argc = args_os().collect().len(); + | ^^^^^^^ cannot infer type of the type parameter `B +` declared on the method `collect` + | +help: consider specifying the generic argument + | +4 | let argc = args_os().collect::<Vec<_>>().len(); + | ++++++++++ + +error: aborting due to previous error; 1 warning emitted + +For more information about this error, try `rustc --explain E0282`. + +Okay, how about +```rs +use std::env::args_os; +use std::ffi::OsString; + +fn main() { + let argc = args_os().collect::Vec<OsString>().len(); + dbg!(argc); +} +``` +I guess function::type() specifies the type of which function should be +returning. That sort of makes sense? C doesn't have generic functions like that +but I think I understand some of what's happening there. +$ rustc echo.rs +error: generic parameters without surrounding angle brackets + --> echo.rs:5:35 + | +5 | let argc = args_os().collect::Vec<OsString>().len(); + | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^ + | +help: surround the type parameters with angle brackets + | +5 | let argc = args_os().collect::<Vec<OsString>>().len(); + | + + + +error: aborting due to previous error + +Okay. I'm changing that without copying my code because I'm not motivated to do +so. Also the actual errors are probably not byte-for-byte if for whatever +reason you're following along at home (why would you? I don't know what I'm +doing) because my code actually has a ton of snippets commented out so I don't +need to retype everything. + +I made the changes it suggested and the program works. Neat. But do I need that +local variable? +```rs +use std::env::args_os; +use std::ffi::OsString; + +fn main() { + if args_os().collect::<Vec<OsString>>().len() < 2 { + println!(); + } else { + } +} +``` +$ rustc echo.c +$ + +No I don't! Only if I'm using it more than once, which makes sense. I'd like to +forego println!() though because I have a feeling this prelude-provided macro +will do platform-specific things and differ on NT vs UNIX due to line ending +conventions. I don't like that for a program that's supposed to follow POSIX. +It looks like std::io::Stdout exists so I'm gonna use that and put a lock on +std::stdout so I can write to it. I think this works? +```rs +use std::env::args_os; +use std::io::{Write, stdout}; +use std::ffi::OsString; + +fn main() { + let mut stdout = stdout().lock(); + if args_os().collect::<Vec<OsString>>().len() < 2 { + stdout.write(b"\n"); // Rust wants a 'b' prefix + } else { + } +} +``` +$ rustc echo.rs +warning: unused `Result` that must be used + --> echo.rs:8:9 + | +8 | stdout.write(b"\n"); + | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ + | + = note: this `Result` may be an `Err` variant, which should be handled + = note: `#[warn(unused_must_use)]` on by default +help: use `let _ = ...` to ignore the resulting value + | +8 | let _ = stdout.write(b"\n"); + | +++++++ + +warning: 1 warning emitted + +Okay, a note that I should handle the possibility of an error. I don't know how +to do that so I won't, like a true in-the-field professional. + +I guess b"\n" is a Rust byte string. I don't think it's super important just +yet for me to know what that is so I'm gonna assume I'm fine. + +I'm feeling devious. +```rs +use std::env::args_os; +use std::io::{Write, stdout}; +use std::ffi::OsString; + +fn main() { + let mut stdout = stdout().lock(); + if args_os().collect::<Vec<OsString>>().len() >= 2 { + for argument in args_os() { + stdout.write(argument); + stdout.write(b" "); + } + } + stdout.write(b"\n") +} +``` +$ rustc echo.c +error[E0308]: mismatched types + --> echo.rs:9:26 + | +9 | stdout.write(argument); + | ----- ^^^^^^^^ expected `&[u8]`, found `OsString` + | | + | arguments to this method are incorrect + | +note: method defined here + --> /builddir/rust-1.73.0/library/std/src/io/mod.rs:1461:8 + +error: aborting due to previous error + +For more information about this error, try `rustc --explain E0308`. + +So I could look up how to turn an OsString into a `&[u8]` but I need to know +what that is because echo(1) shouldn't be dependent on "proper input" (UTF-1 +should work as well as UTF-8). I checked the std::ffi::OsString methods but +none of them really told me anything I think I can use so I'm gonna look at +std::io. + +Looking at the primitive u8, it's an 8-bit unsigned integer which should be +fine for my uses. The method into_os_str_bytes() should work to convert +std::ffi::OsString into a Vec<u8> but the documentation notes that this is +"a nightly-only experimental API". Whatever, probably fine. + +```rs +use std::env::args_os; +use std::io::{Write, stdout}; +use std::ffi::OsString; + +fn main() { + let mut stdout = stdout().lock(); + if args_os().collect::<Vec<OsString>>().len() >= 2 { + for argument in args_os() { + stdout.write(argument.into_os_str_bytes()); + stdout.write(b" "); + } + } + stdout.write(b"\n"); +} +``` +$ rustc echo.c +error[E0658]: use of unstable library feature 'os_str_bytes' + --> echo.rs:9:35 + | +9 | stdout.write(argument.into_os_str_bytes()); + | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ + | + = note: see issue #111544 <https://github.com/rust-lang/rust/issues/111544> f +or more information + +error[E0308]: mismatched types + --> echo.rs:9:26 + | +9 | stdout.write(argument.into_os_str_bytes()); + | ----- ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ expected `&[u8]`, fou +nd `Vec<u8>` + | | + | arguments to this method are incorrect + | + = note: expected reference `&[u8]` + found struct `Vec<u8>` +note: method defined here + --> /builddir/rust-1.73.0/library/std/src/io/mod.rs:1461:8 +help: consider borrowing here + | +9 | stdout.write(&argument.into_os_str_bytes()); + | + + +error: aborting due to 2 previous errors + +Some errors have detailed explanations: E0308, E0658. +For more information about an error, try `rustc --explain E0308`. + +Okay, I'll add that ampersand the borrow checker desires. I'm not sure how this +works still. +$ rustc echo.rs +error[E0658]: use of unstable library feature 'os_str_bytes' + --> echo.rs:9:36 + | +9 | stdout.write(&argument.into_os_str_bytes()); + | ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ + | + = note: see issue #111544 <https://github.com/rust-lang/rust/issues/111544> f +or more information + +error: aborting due to previous error + +For more information about this error, try `rustc --explain E0658`. + +So how do I use an unstable library feature? I'll use the rustc facilities. + +$ rustc --explain E0658 + +This brought me into a manual snippet shown in my configured pager (I think) +with instructions on how to add a feature flag. I then did what it said and +wasn't anywhere better so I wonder if there's another way to turn an OsString +into a &[u8]. + +Then Mars came into the room and greeted me and I asked it how to make this +shit work. Apparently an issue is I'm running stable rustc and in order to use +nightly rustc stuff I need nightly rustc provided by using rustup instead of +the packaged rust toolchain. I don't really wanna do that but I also don't +really wanna give up so I think I'm just gonna make this a shitty echo(1) +implementation that limits input to UTF-8. But first I wanna see how someone +else has done this already. + +https://github.com/uutils/coreutils.git src/uu/echo/src/echo.rs L119: +>pub fn uumain(args: impl uucore::Args) -> UResult<()> { +> let args = args.collect_lossy(); +> let matches = uu_app().get_matches_from(args); +> +> let no_newline = matches.get_flag(options::NO_NEWLINE); +> let escaped = matches.get_flag(options::ENABLE_BACKSLASH_ESCAPE); +> let values: Vec<String> = match matches.get_many::<String>(options::STRING +) { +> Some(s) => s.map(|s| s.to_string()).collect(), +> None => vec![String::new()], +> }; +> +> execute(no_newline, escaped, &values) +> .map_err_context(|| "could not write to stdout".to_string()) +>} + +Those rat bastards did std::env::args.collect_lossy()! Those utter tools! I +imagine this doesn't work for binary data but I don't know and I'm not building +this because I don't wanna figure out how to right now. + +Everyone is going to sleep now except me so I now feel like I need to get an +echo(1) implementation working on this, the first day I've actually started to +learn Rust. I'm just gonna go with std::env::args and Strings. + +Mars also mentioned some Rust types stuff, namely &[u8] being a borrowed slice +of u8s or something. I sort of got it and sort of didn't, I did at the time I +just forgot. Sorry! + +Also it came back out after I wrote that to greet me and then promptly +disappeared. + +This spits out a lot of warnings: +```rs +use std::env::args; +use std::io::{Write, stdout}; + +fn main() { + let mut stdout = stdout().lock(); + if args().collect::<Vec<String>>().len() >= 2 { + for argument in args() { + stdout.write(&argument.as_bytes()); + stdout.write(b" "); + } + } + stdout.write(b"\n"); +} +``` + +This is nice but print!() handles errors I think so I'm just going back to +that. + +```rs +use std::env::args; + +fn main() { + if args().collect::<Vec<String>>().len() >= 2 { + for argument in args() { + print!(argument); + print!(" "); + } + } + print!("\n"); +} +``` +$ rustc echo.c +error: format argument must be a string literal + --> echo.rs:6:20 + | +6 | print!(argument); + | ^^^^^^^^ + | +help: you might be missing a string literal to format with + | +6 | print!("{}", argument); + | +++++ + +error: aborting due to previous error + +Okay. + +```rs +use std::env::args; + +fn main() { + if args().collect::<Vec<String>>().len() >= 2 { + for argument in args() { + print!("{}", argument); + print!(" "); + } + } + print!("\n"); +} +``` +$ rustc echo.c +$ ./echo hello world +./echo hello world + +The issue is the first argument is coming along for the ride in that for loop. +How do I skip the first iteration of an iterator? + +[trial and error with .rs files and rustc omitted] + +Oh. + +```rs +use std::env::args; + +fn main() { + if args().collect::<Vec<String>>().len() >= 2 { + for argument in args().skip(1) { + print!("{} ", argument); + } + } + print!("\n"); +} +``` +$ rustc echo.c +$ ./echo Hello, world! +Hello, world! +$ ./echo Happy Halloween! +Happy Halloween! + +That's where I'm leaving my Rust education today. And this is day 1. Pretty +good! + + +/blah/2023-10-29.html + +Another journal, in its entirety + +2023-09-?? + +TODO +TODAY +x WORK 1130-2000 +x GRANDPARENTS +* PRACTICE Sx Sy ? S S S Sy S S S [I was practicing writing Ses to make my + handwriting look more like Ditko's] +* DOWNLOAD "PI" +* DOWNLOAD "TRINITY" +* DOWNLOAD "BARBIE" +* DOWNLOAD "OPPENHEIMER" +TOMORROW +x CLEAN [...]'S LAPTOPS +x REPACK + DECIDE WHAT GOES TO C.O. +* TEXT [...]? +LEWISTON +* MAIL [...] EDIBLES +x MAIL [...] LAPTOPS +x MAIL COLORADO +* MAKE SURE MAL'S OK +2023-09-30 +x 2W NOTICE +2023-10-14 +x LEAVE FOR [...] + LEWISTON +x FLIPPER x MODEM +x REPACK x BAG + BIVY + [...] x SD ADAPTER + MAL x CABLES + CALEB x SCOTT + GRANDPARENTS x GOIN POSTAL + [...] [...] +x [...] x [...] +x [...] ~~[...]~~ +x ~~[...]~~ [...] +x [...] + +2023年09月24日 + + Beginning to plot my way out of here... + I'm back because I was overencumbered. Now I've mostly repacked, not +enough to leave but enough to be mobile. I still have too much stuff. + Old socks stick to the bottom of your feet. Your soles meld with the +thread and ache from the dull torture. Old underwear's seams dig into you and +leave marks or acne on your ass. It's unavoidable. + The worst parts of homelessness are the lack of regular showers or +laundry. You can survie without regular showers. Your body stops stinking so +much, your hair stops being oily to compensate for your shampoo, your learn to +live without that feeling of dry freshness. But your clothes rot. Not your good +clothes, if you were smart enouugh to plan ahead and get a wool shirt and +sturdy pants, but the clothes you don't think about - socks, underwear, bras. +Cycling through articles only delays the inevitable. + "du" followed by 17 'h's. "Du"+17*"h" + +2023-09-?? + +Looking at me ' up and down +thick left thigh, '' pupils blown out +I'm leaning onto brick and his pace changes tempo +- -- bitch keep walking \< +decelerates, ' my voice decrescendoes +VV I'll tear your neck open and piss in your windpipe +song of the city plays still and I \< +take out my bubble gum, my flavor's out \< +swallow, chew another, passing kid begins to + open his mouth +bitch keep walking || +and the time goes by \< +leaning onto brick imagining piss in a windpipe +pneumonia \< +car ' after car ' after car \< +bitch keep walking ' +butterfly knife in my pocket \< +no I do not have spare change \< +I don't open my wallet ' +wish I was back in the office ' +yes it's dark and damp but at least \< +there's free coffee ' +bitch keep walking ' +bitch keep walkking \< (don't stop) \< +anywhere other than here \< (there's nothing here) \< +I do not want to fight \< +but if I fight it'll be ^ (quick) \< +but if I fight then I will ^ (win) +->bitch keep walking<- + +everyone packs heat but I pack nothing '' +how many will die ' for a fucking macguffin +t's so pointless but it's a check and my assignment '' +don't ask me again \< +bitch keep walking | || + +six foot three built like a bee +~~~~~~~~~~~ +twelve large holes around my abdomen +~~~~~~~~~~~ +can't touch me +my nest is rot infested +my head is shedding centipedes +call me Blowfly Girl +I want my pestilence degree + +bee threesome +poly pollinators + +2023-??-?? + +it's the end of the line +the line down the road +and I am so thirsty +and I'm so alone +my crimson elegy +falls to the floor +the blood isn't clotting +and I'm letting go + +I've made my fair share +of crossings the street +and all for attention +but it never mattered to me +when I needed space +I was given so little +when I hit my rock bottom +you said it was the middle +and I walked the line +the line down the road +because I was so hungry +now I'm so alone +the rations were scarce +and the others hardly rational +I need unconditional love +but to you it's transactional + +it's the end of the line +the line down the road +I used a rusty knife +I'm not worried about tetanus anymore +and I've formed a puddle +I'm curled in a ball +everything's uncomfortably sticky +but I'm not worried at all +and when one day they ask +if my passing was mourned +you better look them in the eye +and say you wish you caught the warnings +and the casket carriers marched +me from my rest to my grave +and I lay there lazily motionless +as you'd say, I slept too late +and now I'm late and they've formed a line +the line down the road +to witness my drained body +as I'm still, so alone + +2023-??-?? + +one don't you touch me +don't you +don't you touch me +don't you +ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding +don't you fucking cross that line +dark avenue alley +three hundred year old +don't you fucking cross that line +I'm a Hollywood star +you ungreatful little +A------------------- +this night +is the last night +is the last night +I'm alone +there is no one +baby no one +I am the one +so alone +wretched +in my harbor +and my dark +dark avenue +and the needle +sewing needle +I'm your pillow +in you go +~~~~ +don't you +fucking touch me +fucking touch me +warm pillow +don't you +fucking touch me +fucking touch me +warm ~~~~~ below +~~~ +don't you +fucking hurt me +fucking hurt me +down below +don't you +fucking shoot me up +your loading +gun below + +2023-??-?? + +I LIE HERE IN A POOL OF MYSELF +THE WATER IS COLD AND DROWNS THE NOISE OUT +I FOLLOWED THE LINE JUST TO GET HERE TODAY +NOW THE BLADE'S ON THE FLOOR AND I LINGER IN PAIN + +I LIE HERE IN A POOL OF MYSELF +THE CHOIR IS FAINT AND THE SIRENS FADE OUT +IT'S THE END OF THE LINE AND SO DESPERATELY +I TRACED IT INTO THE FAINTLY BLUE VEIN + +WHO KILLED ME? YOU KILLED ME +WHO PULLED THE YOU PULLED THE +TRIGGER AT NOON? TRIGGER AT NOON +WHO KILLED ME? YOU PUSHED ME +ANGELS BECKON ME INTO THIS HELL +INTO THE GLOOM BECKONING YOU TOO +IT'S SO MURKY IT'S SO MURKY +I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME +TO KNOW WHODUNNIT TO SAY I'M SORRY +JUST TELL ME I'M NOT READY +PREACH MY FATE TOUCH MY FACE +AND HAIL TO THE SUN AND THEN SAY IT'S DONE + +I LIE HERE IN A POOL OF MYSELVES +RECKLESS DICHOTOMY NEVER WORKED OUT +IT'S THE END OF THE SHOW AND THE CURTAINS COME DOWN +I'M THIRSTY BUT IT'S QUIET NOW + +2023-10-23 + +panel 1: [person running], thinking: GOD DAMN NECESSARY EXERCISE +panel 2: [person in baseball cap behind other person, under a starry night] +panel 3: [person in baseball cap]: I WONDER HOW MUCH BLOOD THAT GUY HAS +panel 4: [x] + +[5 legged cat cartoon] + +[happy kitty cartoon] + +2023-10-26 + +TEXT [...] [x] P.O. BOX [-] + V / | V + APPLY FOR JOBS [x] | I.D. + | V +[...]'S TIRE [ ] | MEDICAID +V PHOTOGRAPHY [x] | +PINEPHONE OS [ ] | [...] LUNCH [-] TOMORROW + | V +MOP [ ] CASH [x] \ LIBRARY + V V +[...] LIBRARY CARD + +[...] 1072 + [...] + + 1068 + [...] + +2023-10-?? + +P.O. BOX + | + '----> get proof of having + P.O. box + | + V +https://dmv.colorado.gov/documents + +"Homeless applicants without a residential +address must provide a letter from +a government entity, or not-for- +profit organization with its letterhead +showing the facility's name, address, +and telephone number, including the +legal representative's name, signature, +and signature date. The letter must +state, 'will accept delivery of mail +for the customer.'" + +2023-10-26 + +THURS 10-27 +[...] lunch + +FRI 10-28 + +SAT 10-29 +[...] & [...] out for party afternoon/eve + +SUN 10-30 + +2023-10-?? + +Emulsify, motherfucker! + +-- Mx. Clean + +2023-10-?? + +Deven Trinity Blake is currently +physically resident at + +2023-10-?? + +PINEBUDS + _____ _____ +| . . | | . . | +| . ._|_ _|_. . | +| / \ / \ | +|_L_\_*_/ \_*_/_R_| + + TX RX TX RX + 5V Gnd 5V Gnd + +2023-10-?? + +[...] [...] +[...] [...] + + +/blah/2023-10-27.html + +Someone killed a couple dozen people in my hometown a week or two after I left. +They did it with an assault rifle and went to the bowling alley where in my +childhood I attended birthday parties and a bar or something near a place at +which I used to work. + +My gut reaction is very callous because I was treated very poorly in this +hometown. I and many of my friends were harrassed by the police that are now +being lauded for their unsuccessful work on finding the perpetrator of this +mass killing who fled or possibly committed suicide. On one of the streets on +which innocent people were shot en mass I was chased out of tree cover under +which I was sleeping by someone who yelled at me that they were going to kill +me because I was homeless. I know more people than were killed who died from +lack of resources and lack of help in the same town who were equally innocent. +I feel for the residents of Lewiston, Maine. I feel for the families and +friends of those who lost their lives and I am sad for those who died. But +rather than draw attention to the mental health crisis and resulting drug +crisis in Maine and helping those who are needy and suffering this slaughter +which is unprecedented in Maine history will likely be used to argue for +stricter gun laws in a refreshingly free state, and I find that really +unfortunate. However I will not ever return to Lewiston, Maine, ever, for any +reason. Once I'm established here I'm going to make a fake background and +forget I ever came from Maine. I want to never again be associated with the +place that bore me. I say this as a Mainer and as a Mainer this will be my last +thought. + +I'm finding employment here, far away from Maine, and I have found a happiness +I have never known and didn't know existed. I am now of here and here is +beautiful. + +2023-10-26 + +[1307] trinity: mountain far above + rising against the sun's fall + tell me where it's home + + +/blah/2023-10-25.html + +Trinity: The [Pinephone] will turn on in your pocket and then die. +Mars: It's just like me, narcoleptic and suicidal. + + +/blah/2023-10-23.html + +: i just want to play the cannibalism game + +Here's the current plan + + __ Linux (arm64) ______________________________________ +| Chimera | +| __ X11 ____________________________________________ | +| | __ QEMU _______________________________________ | | ; # apk add qemu-\ +| | | | | | ; system-arm +| | | __ Linux (armhf) __________________________ | | | ; $ git clone \ +| | | | | | | | ; https://github.com\ +| | | | | | | | ; /dhruvvyas90/qemu-\ +| | | | | | | | ; rpi-kernel +| | | | Raspberry Pi OS | | | | ; $ curl -O http://\ +| | | | | | | | ; downloads.\ +| | | | | | | | ; raspberrypi.org/\ +| | | | | | | | ; raspios_full_armhf\ +| | | | | | | | ; /images/raspios_\ +| | | | | | | | ; full_armhf-2021-11\ +| | | | | | | | ; -08/2021-10-30-\ +| | | | | | | | ; raspios-bullseye-\ +| | | | | | | | ; armhf-full.zip +| | | | | | | | ; $ unzip 2021-10-30\ +| | | | | | | | ; -raspios-bullseye-\ +| | | | | | | | ; armhf-full.zip +| | | | __ X11 ________________________________ | | | | +| | | | | __ Box86 __________________________ | | | | | +| | | | | | __ WINE _______________________ | | | | | | +| | | | | | | | | | | | | | +| | | | | | | The Coffin of Andy and Leyley | | | | | | | +| | | | | | |_______________________________| | | | | | | +| | | | | |___________________________________| | | | | | +| | | | |_______________________________________| | | | | +| | | |___________________________________________| | | | +| | |_______________________________________________| | | +| |___________________________________________________| | +|_______________________________________________________| + +Nevermind, I used [...]'s computer to boot Windows 10 and play it. It took me +two hours and I finished in one sitting. What an excellent game. + +[ 8:59 PM] trinity: finished episodr 1 +[ 9:00 PM] trinity: fuck. i should make andy my pfp +[ 9:00 PM] [...]: real +[ 9:00 PM] trinity: doing it +[ 9:00 PM] trinity: l8r +[ 9:00 PM] trinity: gotta play gamez +[ 9:00 PM] [...]: @[...] see u can match w/ trin now too +[ 9:04 PM] [...]: wyh +[ 9:04 PM] [...]: huh +[ 9:04 PM] [...]: hfbd +[ 9:04 PM] [...]: hsha +[10:16 PM] trinity: kin andy +[...] +[10:19 PM] trinity: god FUCK +[10:20 PM] trinity: how can there be such a perfect game +[10:20 PM] [...]: I KNOW +[10:20 PM] trinity: took me 2hrs to finish +[10:20 PM] [...]: it's so fucking good +[10:21 PM] [...]: can i be the third sibling +[10:21 PM] trinity: third? +[10:21 PM] trinity: kin andrew* + +I cannot describe my thoughts on this game here where it will be associated +with my real identity. + + +/blah/2023-10-22.html + +: more adventures trying to run a .exe file + +So long as you can get QEMU. +qEMU? +qEmu? +QEMU according to its website. + +I grabbed the RAR file of this Windows game and now I desperately want to run +it because it looks really cool. Now that I figured out unRARing it's time to +play it. However WINE (an API conversion layer from Win32 to Linux+other OSes) +won't work on the Raspberry Pi because this is an ARM processor which can't +execute x86 code, even if the API calls are translated. So I've decided this +game warrants mucking around in a lot of complicated compatibility shims. + +The stack will look something like this: + + __ Raspberry Pi 4B+ 8GB _______________________________ +| | +| __ Linux __________________________________________ | ; I'm including the +| | | | ; kernel as its own +| | Chimera | | ; layer-maker +| | __ X11 server _________________________________ | | ; because QEMU will +| | | | | | ; be booting the +| | | WINE display<---------------------------------------. ; kernel image +| | | __ urxvt __________________________________ | | | | ; itself without a +| | | | | | | | | ; bootloader and +| | | | __ QEMU amd64 _________________________ | | | | | ; from the kernel +| | | | | | | | | | | ; init etc will be +| | | | | __ Linux __________________________ | | | | | | ; spawned. The +| | | | | | | | | | | | | ; Raspberry Pi also +| | | | | | Alpine | | | | | | | ; basically just +| | | | | | __ WINE _______________________ | | | | | | | ; boots the kernel +| | | | | | | ^-(X11 client)--------------------------' ; image sans loader +| | | | | | | | | | | | | | ; because U-Boot. +| | | | | | | The Coffin of Andy and Leyley | | | | | | | ; The details +| | | | | | | | | | | | | | ; mentioned are the +| | | | | | |_______________________________| | | | | | | ; ones I expect to +| | | | | | | | | | | | ; add non-trivial +| | | | | |___________________________________| | | | | | ; overhead to +| | | | | | | | | | ; processor load, +| | | | |_______________________________________| | | | | ; which might be a +| | | | | | | | ; problem in +| | | |___________________________________________| | | | ; practice. +| | | | | | +| | |_______________________________________________| | | +| | | | +| |___________________________________________________| | +| | +|_______________________________________________________| + +This seems fine! + +I had sex four times tonight and this is what I'm doing with the clarity. + +So the first order of business is QEMU. This is packaged for Chimera in +multiple variants. I don't know what I'm doing so I looked it up and I think I +need qemu-system-* because I'm emulating the processor as well as the software. +# apk add qemu-system-x86_64 + +Now I need Alpine. I think it comes in really small images for containers. +$ curl -O https://dl-cdn.alpinelinux.org/alpine/v3.18/releases/x86_64/\ +alpine-virt-3.18.4-x86_64.iso + +Let's try booting. +$ qemu-system-x86_64 -cdrom alpine-virt-3.18.4-x86_64.iso +Error relocating /lib/libspice-server.so.1: __aarch64_ldadd4_acq_rel: symbol no +Error relocating /lib/libspice-server.so.1: __aarch64_ldset4_acq_rel: symbol no +Error relocating /lib/libspice-server.so.1: __aarch64_ldclr4_acq_rel: symbol no +Error relocating /lib/libspice-server.so.1: __aarch64_cas4_acq_rel: symbol not + +Hm. Same thing as root. Maybe I need a kernel image outside of the ISO? Let me +try something: +$ curl -O https://dl-cdn.alpinelinux.org/alpine/v3.18/releases/x86_64/\ +alpine-minirootfs-3.18.4-x86_64.tar.gz +$ tar tf alpine-minirootfs-3.18.4-x86_64.tar.gz | head +./ +./sys/ +./srv/ +./run/ +./root/ +./opt/ +./mnt/ +./media/ +./media/usb/ +./media/floppy/ +$ mkdir amd64 +$ <alpine-minirootfs-3.18.4-x86_64.tar.gz gzip -cd | tar x -C amd64 +$ man -k qemu +qemu(1) - QEMU User Documentation +qemu-img(1) - QEMU disk image utility +qemu-storage-daemon(1) - QEMU storage daemon +virtfs-proxy-helper(1) - QEMU 9p virtfs proxy filesystem helper +qemu-block-drivers(7) - QEMU block drivers reference +qemu-cpu-models(7) - QEMU CPU Models +qemu-ga-ref(7) - QEMU Guest Agent Protocol Reference Contents 0.0 • 2 QEMU Gu +qemu-qmp-ref(7) - QEMU QMP Reference Manual Contents 0.0 • 2 QEMU QMP Referen +qemu-storage-daemon-qmp-ref(7) - QEMU Storage Daemon QMP Reference Manual Con +qemu-ga(8) - QEMU Guest Agent +qemu-nbd(8) - QEMU Disk Network Block Device Server +$ man qemu # brb... +$ ls amd64 | grep linux +$ # fuck... I'm just gonna look up a tutorial + +The good news is I don't think X forwarding will be necessary so that saves a +lot of trouble. The bad news is I don't know what I'm doing and am tired so +this will wait for tomorrow. + +https://git.sr.ht/~sircmpwn/builds.sr.ht/tree/master/item/images/alpine/genimg +How does Drew do it? + +It was at this point the file got corrupted so here's my reconstruction of this +section based on the nvim swapfile: + +I return well rested, ten hours later. +# apk add qemu-img + +[ 1:20 AM] trinity: trying to figure out qemu +[ 1:20 AM] trinity: not going well +[ 1:21 AM] trinity: trying again with the sun up +[ 1:21 AM] [...]: I remember I used that for the class where we + re-implemented a lobotomized risc-v operating system +[ 1:22 AM] trinity: i just wanna play this rpgmaker game +[ 1:24 AM] [...]: which one? +[ 1:29 AM] trinity: coffin of andy and leyley +[ 1:29 AM] trinity: i think i can figure this out tomorrow +[ 1:29 AM] trinity: \/when i wake up +[ 1:29 AM] [...]: why do you need qemu to run a rpgmaker game? +[ 1:30 AM] [...]: they run in wine +[ 1:30 AM] [...]: someone must have built some wrapper for them if + wine/proton does not work +[ 1:30 AM] [...]: you just need the fonts +[ 1:31 AM] [...]: also I remember running touhou mother in easyrpg on my + steam deck +[ 1:31 AM] trinity: not on arm64 +[ 1:31 AM] [...]: oh i see +[ 1:32 AM] [...]: WHYYYYYYYY +[ 1:32 AM] [...]: WHY HAS THIS SPREAD SO FAR +[ 1:32 AM] [...]: is that the incest canibalism one? +[ 1:33 AM] [...]: no comment +[ 1:33 AM] [...]: :3 + +Drew bootstraps an extremely minimal Alpine x86_64 image with just enough +packages to self-host. However in the genimg script there is this one line: +30 dd if=/usr/share/syslinux/mbr.bin of=/dev/nbd0 bs=1 count=440 +which relies on there being an existing SYSLINUX installation on the host. This +won't work on ARM64 for which there is no SYSLINUX and Chimera doesn't have a +GCC x86_64 cross compiler packaged and I don't wanna have to compile gcc for +this so I'm just gonna find a way that's different from Drew's way. + +I'm gonna try using the standard ISO now because that should have a kernel and +means to boot on x86_64 already. I wonder if I can boot it as a live system and +no shit it has no X server. Maybe it wouldn't be too bad to install? + +Fuck this shit. I'm just gonna figure out Box86. + +Actually Box64 because I don't wanna figure out armhf stuff today. + +; doas gmake +[ 1%] Building C object CMakeFiles/interpreter.dir/src/emu/x64run.c.o +/usr/local/src/box64/src/emu/x64run.c:1351:47: error: expected expression + emu->segs[_ES] = *(__uint16_t*)(((char*)ED)+4); + ^ +/usr/local/src/box64/src/emu/x64run.c:1351:36: error: use of undeclared identif +ier '__uint16_t' + emu->segs[_ES] = *(__uint16_t*)(((char*)ED)+4); + ^ +/usr/local/src/box64/src/emu/x64run.c:1364:47: error: expected expression + emu->segs[_DS] = *(__uint16_t*)(((char*)ED)+4); + ^ +/usr/local/src/box64/src/emu/x64run.c:1364:36: error: use of undeclared identif +ier '__uint16_t' + emu->segs[_DS] = *(__uint16_t*)(((char*)ED)+4); + ^ +4 errors generated. +gmake[2]: *** [CMakeFiles/interpreter.dir/build.make:76: CMakeFiles/interpreter +.dir/src/emu/x64run.c.o] Error 1 +gmake[1]: *** [CMakeFiles/Makefile2:113: CMakeFiles/interpreter.dir/all] Error +2 +gmake: *** [Makefile:166: all] Error 2 + +it is all so tiresome. This also matters less because I'm gonna need Box86 +anyway. Maybe I should make a QEMU virtual machine for Raspberry Pi OS, install +Box86 and Box86's packages on that, and then have it all nice and dandy? +# apk add qemu-system-arm +# apk del qemu-system-x86_64 + +End recovered segment. + +I'm gonna use the armhf image because I don't think this EXE is 64-bit and +it'll cut out all of the compat stuff. +$ curl https://downloads.raspberrypi.com/raspios_armhf/images/\ +raspios_armhf-2023-10-10/2023-10-10-raspios-bookworm-armhf.img.xz \ + | xz -cd \ + >2023-10-10-raspios-bookworm-armhf.img +1238MB... jeez... time to plug in the laptop fan +The tutorial I'm following provided a link to a GitHub repo with a Raspberry Pi +QEMU Linux kernel image which is awesome. Except there's no Linux 6.1 so I'm +gonna have to go a version behind. This is all to play one video game so we can +move fast and break things without risking all hell breaking loose. +$ rm 2023-10-10-raspios-bookworm-armhf.img +Except where are the old OS versions? I can't find them on the Raspberry Pi +website. +Found by looking up, good old no-TLS HTTP: http://downloads.raspberrypi.org/ +The newest kernel provided by the GitHub repo is 5.10.63, which corresponds +according to the Raspberry Pi OS Full armhf release notes (raspios_full_armhf +/release_notes.txt) to the 2021-10-30 release. But that download isn't in this +HTTP source. I think 5.4.51, which is provided in the repo, will work with +2020-08-24, though that version isn't mentioned in the release notes, because +the release notes' mentioned 2020-08-20 does have that version. The issue is +the release notes' dates don't line up with the actual downloads provided. +Strange. Whatever. Let's just try this and hope it works. +Oh, what the fuck? The dates in the folders are different? fucking hell +look at this fucking URL: + +http://downloads.raspberrypi.org/raspios_full_armhf/images/ +raspios_full_armhf-2020-08-24/ <- 2020-08-24 +2020-08-20-raspios-buster-armhf-full.info <- WTF????? + +I'm so tired and just want to read about hot cartoon characters butchering +people. Kernel 5.10.63! 2021-10-30! Of course, in the 2021-11-08 folder! I +should have known! +$ curl -O http://downloads.raspberrypi.org/raspios_full_armhf/images/\ +raspios_full_armhf-2021-11-08/2021-10-30-raspios-bullseye-armhf-full.zip +$ # .zip? are you kidding me? 3.0GB??? This is gonna be an hour download... + +Fucking hell. See you tomorrow. + + +/blah/2023-10-21.html + +: fuck unrar + +I run Chimera Linux, an Alpine-based operating system still in its very early +stages but stable enough that I trust it for my meager, mostly console and X11 +based workflow. It can run a C compiler, so good enough for me. The only issue +is, despite being based on Alpine, a popular operating system not for desktop +but for embedded environments like containers, for which a lot of software is +packaged and available in system repositories, Chimera does not have a lot of +packages. I'm going to package UNRAR, a non-free ("freeware") tool that has no +dependencies aside from the C++ standard library, to get a feel for Alpine +packaging. + +UNRAR is an almost delightful little tool with the unfortunate, heinous problem +of being non-free, and its license forbidding the use of the provided source +code for reimplementation - otherwise I would just rewrite it in sane C89 +without encumbrence. But we don't need to read the source code in order to +compile the C++. + +The Alpine Wiki section on Creating an Alpine package says to apk add +alpine-sdk but Chimera has no such thing so hopefully that's fine. It says to +check out the aports tree but I don't want to put my packages upstream (dealing +with large software projects is tiresome and I know Chimera is in a constant +state of flux). + +I did this: + +# mkdir -p /var/cache/distfiles +# chmod a+w /var/cache/distfiles + +I now need abuild-keygen according to the wiki but it isn't installed. +$ apk search abuild-keygen +pulled up nothing. Nor did a package contents search. Maybe it's fine? On a +whim I searched cbuild* in the contents search and found apk:base-cbuild-progs. +# apk add base-cbuild-progs +(1/1) Installing base-cbuild-progs (0.1-r2) +OK: 2083 MiB in 896 packages + +On the Chimera Linux website I found the Chimera-specific packaging stuff. +There is a cports repository with Packaging.md but it's kind of long so I'll +use it as a reference while following the less complete Alpine guide. This is +the rat bastard approach to software but I am doing this for my own uses and +for pleasure and I don't wanna spend five hours contributing to this project +right now because I am tired. + +I need newapkbuild but don't have it so I'll try to find the default template +on-line or go off an existing thingy. + +I found contrib/jq/template.py so I'll copy that. + +pkgname = "unrar" + +What's the pkgver? + +$ cd /usr/local/src/unrar +-sh: 5: cd: can't cd to /usr/local/src/unrar +$ cd /usr/local/src +$ ls +$ +Connection to tebibyte.media closed. +; # oops +; cd /usr/local/src/unrar +; cat version.hpp +#define RARVER_MAJOR 6 +#define RARVER_MINOR 24 +#define RARVER_BETA 1 +#define RARVER_DAY 17 +#define RARVER_MONTH 9 +#define RARVER_YEAR 2023 +# apk del qemu-system-x86_64 + + +/blah/2023-10-21.html + +: fuck unrar + +I run Chimera Linux, an Alpine-based operating system still in its very early +stages but stable enough that I trust it for my meager, mostly console and X11 +based workflow. It can run a C compiler, so good enough for me. The only issue +is, despite being based on Alpine, a popular operating system not for desktop +but for embedded environments like containers, for which a lot of software is +packaged and available in system repositories, Chimera does not have a lot of +packages. I'm going to package UNRAR, a non-free ("freeware") tool that has no +dependencies aside from the C++ standard library, to get a feel for Alpine +packaging. + +UNRAR is an almost delightful little tool with the unfortunate, heinous problem +of being non-free, and its license forbidding the use of the provided source +code for reimplementation - otherwise I would just rewrite it in sane C89 +without encumbrence. But we don't need to read the source code in order to +compile the C++. + +The Alpine Wiki section on Creating an Alpine package says to apk add +alpine-sdk but Chimera has no such thing so hopefully that's fine. It says to +check out the aports tree but I don't want to put my packages upstream (dealing +with large software projects is tiresome and I know Chimera is in a constant +state of flux). + +I did this: + +# mkdir -p /var/cache/distfiles +# chmod a+w /var/cache/distfiles + +I now need abuild-keygen according to the wiki but it isn't installed. +$ apk search abuild-keygen +pulled up nothing. Nor did a package contents search. Maybe it's fine? On a +whim I searched cbuild* in the contents search and found apk:base-cbuild-progs. +# apk add base-cbuild-progs +(1/1) Installing base-cbuild-progs (0.1-r2) +OK: 2083 MiB in 896 packages + +On the Chimera Linux website I found the Chimera-specific packaging stuff. +There is a cports repository with Packaging.md but it's kind of long so I'll +use it as a reference while following the less complete Alpine guide. This is +the rat bastard approach to software but I am doing this for my own uses and +for pleasure and I don't wanna spend five hours contributing to this project +right now because I am tired. + +I need newapkbuild but don't have it so I'll try to find the default template +on-line or go off an existing thingy. + +I found contrib/jq/template.py so I'll copy that. + +pkgname = "unrar" + +What's the pkgver? + +$ cd /usr/local/src/unrar +-sh: 5: cd: can't cd to /usr/local/src/unrar +$ cd /usr/local/src +$ ls +$ +Connection to tebibyte.media closed. +; # oops +; cd /usr/local/src/unrar +; cat version.hpp +#define RARVER_MAJOR 6 +#define RARVER_MINOR 24 +#define RARVER_BETA 1 +#define RARVER_DAY 17 +#define RARVER_MONTH 9 +#define RARVER_YEAR 2023 + +I guess it doesn't matter because the download link says 6.12.2, so I'll just +put that. Maybe I have a different version. I don't care. + +pkgver = "6.12.2" # +pkgrel = 0 # default +build_style = "makefile" +make_cmd = "gmake" # this probably doesn't matter, it worked with bmake too +make_dir = "." +hostmakedepends = [ "gmake" ] +pkgdesc = "Extracts from RAR archives" +maintainer = "trinity <trinity@trinity.moe>" +# license is tricky. how does alpine do it? +# checked. alpine does not do it, because unrar is non-free + +What is this license, anyway? + +; cat license.txt + ****** ***** ****** UnRAR - free utility for RAR archives + ** ** ** ** ** ** ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ + ****** ******* ****** License for use and distribution of + ** ** ** ** ** ** ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ + ** ** ** ** ** ** FREE portable version + ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ + + The source code of UnRAR utility is freeware. This means: + + 1. All copyrights to RAR and the utility UnRAR are exclusively + owned by the author - Alexander Roshal. + + 2. UnRAR source code may be used in any software to handle + RAR archives without limitations free of charge, but cannot be + used to develop RAR (WinRAR) compatible archiver and to + re-create RAR compression algorithm, which is proprietary. + Distribution of modified UnRAR source code in separate form + or as a part of other software is permitted, provided that + full text of this paragraph, starting from "UnRAR source code" + words, is included in license, or in documentation if license + is not available, and in source code comments of resulting package. + + 3. The UnRAR utility may be freely distributed. It is allowed + to distribute UnRAR inside of other software packages. + + 4. THE RAR ARCHIVER AND THE UnRAR UTILITY ARE DISTRIBUTED "AS IS". + NO WARRANTY OF ANY KIND IS EXPRESSED OR IMPLIED. YOU USE AT + YOUR OWN RISK. THE AUTHOR WILL NOT BE LIABLE FOR DATA LOSS, + DAMAGES, LOSS OF PROFITS OR ANY OTHER KIND OF LOSS WHILE USING + OR MISUSING THIS SOFTWARE. + + 5. Installing and using the UnRAR utility signifies acceptance of + these terms and conditions of the license. + + 6. If you don't agree with terms of the license you must remove + UnRAR files from your storage devices and cease to use the + utility. + + Thank you for your interest in RAR and UnRAR. + + Alexander L. Roshal + +Line omitted before signature because of how this blah is formatted. + +This is fucking bullshit. I'm already in violation of clause 6 because I wish +Alexandar L. Roshal to eat flaming death and be obliterated from this mortal +plane but I won't be fucking anyone over legally by copying the code. + +2021-10-20 + +[ 9:52 PM] trinity: bsdtar WORKS ON FUCKING RAR FILES????? +[ 9:52 PM] trinity: 7z DID NOT DO THE JOB BUT bsdtar DID? +[ 9:58 PM] [...]: that's shocking actually wtf +[10:03 PM] trinity: bsdtar errors out too :( +[10:03 PM] trinity: no unrar package for chimera +[10:04 PM] trinity: not pkgsrcing it because 500 deps compiling on a raspberry + pi +[10:18 PM] trinity: figured out how to build unrar from source. NO DEPS! +[10:18 PM] trinity: for nonfree software it sure is easy build +[10:21 PM] [...]: why somebody would ever use a nonfree compressed archive + format is beyond me +[10:21 PM] [...]: .tar.gz is standard. .arc and .zpaq are fucking insane with + compression ratios. + +2021-10-21 + +[12:12 AM] trinity: i really dont understand use of rar +[12:12 AM] trinity: as mainstream archives go 7z is a lot better +[12:13 AM] [...]: yeah +[12:13 AM] [...]: I see rar used a lot in piracy stuff and I'm not rlly sure + what that's about +[12:19 AM] [...]: wait i can use bsdtar for unrar +[12:19 AM] [...]: pog +[12:20 AM] trinity: unrar works better +[12:20 AM] [...]: i dont have any way to unrar things atm because i + uninstalled unrar for being nonfree +[12:20 AM] trinity: unrar for nonfree software is not very bad. i oughtta just + rewrite it in C +[12:20 AM] [...]: someone has done that +[12:21 AM] [...]: you could build on their work +[12:21 AM] trinity: wouldnt that be free software +[12:21 AM] trinity: fuck actually i dont like unrar's everything i should just + make my own unrar based on the nonfree code +[12:22 AM] trinity: license forbids this :( +[12:22 AM] [...]: violating proprietary licenses is based +[12:23 AM] [...]: unrar (super illegal edition!!) +[12:23 AM] [...]: it doesnt currently work afaik. it works for older rar files +[12:24 AM] trinity: is there much difference +[12:26 AM] trinity: REing rar seems to not be that useful because soon everyone + that uses it will be dead and everyone will be using + something open +[12:27 AM] [...]: idk +[12:27 AM] [...]: rarverse engineering +[12:28 AM] [...]: ill probably just write a wrapper for bsdtar that can be + called on rar files +[12:28 AM] [...]: rawrverse engineewing~ >.< +[12:29 AM] trinity: because unrar, while proprietary, can be compiled with any + C++ compiler and make tool and works with standard POSIX + APIs, i don't think the ability to decompress will be + threatened any time soon. best rebellion is just to decomp + and recomp rar files into better formats +[12:30 AM] trinity: did you know that rawr means i love you in dinosaur + +AAAA I give up. + +Chimera docs say very little about -doc packages, which should have the license +file for the current software if the license is custom, which UnRAR's is. So +license.txt should go in "$pkgdir"/usr/share/licenses/$pkgname/COPYING + +Wait I get it. The cbuild will automagically add that license to the -doc +package for me. Nevermind. So I just have to + +license = "custom" + +def post_install(self): + self.install_license("license.txt") + +url = "https://www.rarlab.com/rar_add.htm" +source = f"https://www.rarlab.com/rar/unrarsrc-{pkgver}.tar.gz" + +Okay, this would probably work, but I don't care to actually button this up and +PR it so that's all it will be. Here's how it looks in my src/Makefile which +works better for my uses: + +# depends on +# apk:g++ +$(PREFIX)/bin/unrar: + git clone https://github.com/pmachapman/unrar.git "$(PREFIX)"/src/unrar + $(MAKE) -C "$(PREFIX)"/src/unrar + $(INSTALL) -Dm0755 "$(PREFIX)"/src/unrar/unrar "$(PREFIX)"/bin/unrar + +To be honest, I copied the install(1) permission from somewhere else. Not sure +if 0755 is the best config. But I don't care because FUCK UNRAR!!!! + + +/blah/2023-10-14.html + +: no filter + +When I started at Burger King in 2020 I started at a location I would learn was +known for its bigotry, low food quality, and exceptionally shitty workforce. +Though most could be known for this, this Burger King in particular was quite +bad at all of those things and I would come to learn its employees gave zero +shits about even the barest of standards. I would see employees drop bottles of +sauce on the ground and pick them up without cleaning them or even changing +their gloves in the process, contaminating food with floor bacteria. Employees +dropping raw chicken using their gloves and no tongs and continuing to make +sandwiches with the same gloves used to touch raw chicken. Cross contamination +between all raw and cooked food and often between their phones, and the floor, +and the food. After the age of 17 I started eating at restaurants a lot less. + +I applied to Burger King as a joke while on call with my Information Technology +class in school in 2020. School during 2020 was, due to the COVID-19 pandemic, +virtual and hosted on-line in Zoom meetings, so on one monitor (a 70Hz NEC +MultiSync) I had Zoom running and on another (a slightly newer, higher- +resolution Acer monitor) I had the Carrols application process. I needed money. +A job - a legitimate job, which I had never had before, nor one where the end +wasn't defined at the start - seemed like an easy solution. I set my +availability to 1700-2000 after school days so I could get 15 hours a week in +three hour spurts, not much but enough to wet my whistle and get a taste for +the work if I wished to continue. + +They gave me a call that day maybe, or the day after. I sounded good on the +telephone so I was brought in for an interview. I arrived an hour early and sat +in a nearby parking lot playing Chocolate Doom on my netbook running Debian, I +think, and trying to page through Simulations and Simulacra though it took me a +month to get through the first paragraph because of how dense it is and the +confusing nature of the initial parenthetical statement. But the general +manager who interview me didn't know that, instead he saw a book with a +confusingly worded cover and a high school student who was also attending two +colleges (officially; taking classes at one and dually enrolled in the other) +and a technical school (for Information Technology) and who wanted to learn to +cook. After forty-five minutes of waiting I went into the building, told them I +had an interview, waited twenty minutes (five minutes past when the interview +was set), and interviewed for ten minutes where the manager clarified some +stuff on my application and hired me on the spot. I accepted. + +The job was meant to be a temporary job, at least when I accepted. It was close +to Staples where I could apply my IT certifications once I finished them and +then mosey my way onto better jobs while going to college. Then while I was +working there the Staples went out of business and I watched one of my +classmates a year ahead of me quit the computer store nearby because the +management was abusive. So I would have no computer-related job. + +My first day, Halloween 2020, a Saturday if I recall correctly, I was sat in +front of a computer after walking across town to the job (this was something +like a ninety minute walk because I was at the time very fat, very out of +shape, and very slow) and spent three hours first filling out my application +and then watching videos explaining the job. + +When prompted for my gender I filled out "Prefer not to say" on the computer, +knowing I was a woman but could not safely come out especially in that school +with those parents and knowing those people. I later watched the same manager +get prompted by the computer to answer the question I didn't. He chose Male. + +I memorized the cards hanging from the ceiling showing how to build the +sandwiches. The Whopper: mayo, lettuce, tomato, onion, ketchup, pickle. Wrong, +actually; mayo, lettuce, tomato, pickle, ketchup, onion. And later the meat +came before the mayo rather than before the pickle. But this explanation is +best for another time. Yesterday, my last day, a co-worker who was there my +first day that Halloween remembered me standing there trying to memorize the +cards. I was green and wet behind the ears and everything else that applies to +those who are new to what they are doing but think they will not only have fun +but quickly become very good at their job. I did neither. + +My first day on the job I was placed in a little-used area of the kitchen and +trained with a classmate from the year behind me on making the Whopper. Grab a +five-inch sesame bun, toast it, take out a paper and place it on the board. +Place the bun, spread mayo on the top bun, add a dusting of lettuce, two +tomatoes, get the patty, four pickles, three rings of ketchup, and three rings +of onion. My turn. The mayo hard a hard time staying on the spatula and I had +to dip the spatula many times to finish spreading it on the bun. The lettuce I +couldn't figure out, I always did too much or too little. Tomatoes, fine, but I +went and grabbed one and placed it, grabbed the other and placed it. Meat, +fine. Pickles, I always grabbed too many or too few, and it took me a moment to +place them. Ketchup I used my forearm to move the bottle rather than the wrist +as I should have. Onions I couldn't grab correctly and it took me a moment to +spread them. My initial time spent making one Whopper was three or four +minutes. + +I came in at probably 1500 or so and left at 1800. I can't say for sure but +that's what I would imagine because my first many shifts were three-hour stints +and this would be from a little after I got out of high school to when the +kitchen started to get busy. The person with which I trained left Burger King +maybe a couple months ago. + +After proving my ineptitude when it came to the kitchen, but being too socially +awkward to interact with customers, I was put on videos again. The videos +explained simple things about sanitation that even at first were clearly not +accurate to what was happening in the kitchen. I naively assumed this +difference came from my coworkers not knowing the contents of the videos and so +started to mention these differences in hopes we could make food properly and +safely. After a little while these corrections started to be less and less well +received. + +I don't remember much of Winter 2020 because I was busy with school, struggling +with my parents - about whom I write very little, because I try not to speak +ill of others - and trying to figure out how to get out of my current and +stifling situation. + +My coworkers frequently used slurs of ableist, homophobic, and transphobic +natures. Among them r-----, f-----, and tr---- were common utterances and I +pretended they didn't affect me despite falling into the categories +particularly insulted by all three profanities. It was the heyday of anti- +Capitalist Twitter and the same time period in which I started engaging with +higher level philosophical thingies like gender accelerationism, anarchism, +juche. The time period where I discovered nuances even in things where I didn't +expect them like the DPRK's place within the world. I knew what the "triggered +Liberal" acted like and I knew what the stereotypical tr---- looked like. My +gender identity was expressed only in private among friends with the exception +of losing a bet I knew I couldn't win and wearing a dress in class. However I +was too fat for it and ended up getting stuck in the dress. I've lost 55 pounds +in the years since. + +Things came to a head when, one day when I mentioned to a co-worker that they +should use tongs rather than their gloved hands to scoop chicken nuggets into a +bag for a customer, that co-worker started to rant about how slow I was in the +kitchen and how customers didn't need their food made well, they needed it made +fast. I responded with my own soapboxing saying that while my food was made +slowly I was one of few that could actually meet basic standards and that a +sandwich made missing a tomato or pickle or with the wrong amount of ketchup, +or a chicken nugget bag missing a chicken nugget or a fry pod filled with too +few fries couldn't justify even the minimum wait for the food and that making a +customer come back to get correctly made food would take even longer than my +making the food slowly but correct the first time. The assistant manager agreed +with me but admitted that management had been discussing ways to get rid of me +because I took too long in the kitchen and was too adamant about things not +being picked up off the ground and tongs being used. + +When, a week later, I mentioned I was thinking about trying another store, they +sent me to the other Burger King location in the town for a 9.5 hour shift, the +longest shift I had worked at that time. When I said I liked it they sent me +for a second shift. That manager said it was great to have me there as one of +their own, and I said that would be cool, wouldn't it, and he looked confused +and asked me if I knew I had been transferred permanently. + +2023-10-13 + +[ 4:36 PM] trinity: this burger king is so funny. it's amazing it functions +[ 4:38 PM] trinity: + ricky: "i say what i want, i have no filter. i dont + care who i offend" + trin: "wow ricky you're so cool for having no self + control" + ricky: "okay, this shit is seriously starting to piss + me off." + **WALKS OUT OUT OF ANGER AT MY JOKE** +[ 4:38 PM] trinity: the assistant manager said holy shit did that really just + happen and this morning told the gm and the gm thought it + was funny as fuck +[ 4:39 PM] [...]: lmfaoo +[ 4:39 PM] [...]: ricky sounds like such a guy +[...] +[10:18 PM] [...]: he got offended + + +/blah/2023-10-08.html + +An angel commits to sin... + +I'm hallucinating, just a little. I think it's exhaustion. Everything is just a +little unreal. + +Yesterday I had a cigarette. The day before I did too. That's four since +starting to quit. + +Today I read Blood Stained Teeth #2-5 (2022). I've recently read The Vampyr +(1816), Tales to Astonish #1-2 (1958), #3-9 (1959), #10-17 (1960), #18-29 +(1961), #30-41 (1962), Fantastic Four #1-3 (1961), #4-5 (1962), The Incredible +Hulk #1-4 (1962), V for Vendetta #1-6 (1988), #07-10 (1989), and the entirety +of Death Note. Oh, also Injection #1-5 (2015), #06-10 (2016), #10-15 (2017), No +Longer Human (2019), and some other stuff. Reading Alias Grace (1996) and quite +enjoying it. + +I've been reading a lot lately. I have a lust for passive but self-paced +entertainment and adult-oriented comic books have been hitting the point +between candy for eyes and food for thought. Particularly V for Vendetta, which +has excellent and distinct artwork, and Blood Stained Teeth which is a visual +fever dream very different from but reminiscent of Panty and Stocking with +Garterbelt, an animation from Gainax. Art overflowing with passion. + +I think Anarchism most closely resembles my political beliefs but I'm not sure. +I don't particularly care about labels but as a word-as-summary they are +useful. When someone falls in the mosh pit you help them up, there's no more to +it. + +[...] has been discussing Zen Buddhism in [...] and it's fascinating, and not +quite what I had thought it was from pop culture education. + +I've been learning Toki Pona passively and it is a very fun language. + +I have my Raspberry Pi set up perfectly. Absolutely perfectly. This is my ideal +setup for a computer. It's such a shame that this is a temporary setup; it will +be replaced by my ClockworkPi uConsole when it comes ("this" being a CrowPi2 +with the disadantage of not having a battery and thus being tethered either to +the wall (via AC adapter) or my power pack (via DC 5525 or whatever it is) +which can't injest power while delivering voltage out of the barrel jack +("power pack" being the Shargeek Storm2 or whatever it's called now). + +I discovered strerror(3) recently and my life has become a lot easier. + +Fight or flight? I flap my angel wings and am spirited away. + +I talked to Usagi for the first time in a while. I was so weird to her. So +weird. And she is still my friend. I was so weird and she has no problem with +it whatsoever. Acceptance is so rare. + +Yesterday I wanted to die. Today I am ready to accept death should it happen to +me, but I will do what I can to prevent it. I don't think I'll ever fear death +but I don't long for it when I'm doing decently. Yesterday I was not doing +decently. I have been cold and nervous for a long while now and have not known +genuine safety since August. My body is in fight or flight mode and has been +for a while. I am less a rabbit and more a hare. + +I've been using Chimera Linux and absolutely love it. + + +/blah/2023-10-05.html + +Today taking my bag of trash out I noticed my old kitchen manager, one of those +partly to blame for my training, doing the same with the restaurant's trash. He +asked me if I'd heard from my sidekick using a name that while attributable to +her was not her herself - too formal and she would say in more words +incongruous [is that a word?] to her being. This was my first red flag of the +day but the person himself is a walking one his own, a Lady Gaga song glorifier +and notorious gossip not to mention lacking in empathy or humbleness, afflicted +even worse by the latter two than myself. + +I cannot think of him without thinking of my training in 2021 when I was +seventeen and he in twenties and I pulled a trash can from one inaccessible +location to a better one and I by himself was pulled aside and told unkindly +not to meddle with any sort of kitchen organization whatsoever, because he was +running the kitchen and his food making ship needed to be tight and +disciplined. Perhaps this was true, but whatever discipline he taught was yet +unaware of the basics of food safety as he gripped the trash bag liner to bring +the can back and forth on wheels from under the preparation table where he kept +it, contaminating the gloves with which he would make food with the retch +byproducts from the junk we organized. + +The same supposed manager, at that time technically the same role as my own +though given authority by that which did have it to give, that would tell me I +was a fool for going from chicken to beef - both cooked - without changing my +gloves and washing my hands, would go from raw meat to cooked comfortably with +contaminated tongs sitting in the no doubt E. Coli plentiful meat well +protecting food from bacteria, and do the same when tending to chicken between +frozen bird and fried. This is extremely common in food preparation and I +encourage any reader not to consume that which you did not produce or at least +prepare. I've never seen the use of preventing food from touching food when +both are flesh and both thoroughly dead and thoroughly cooked, nor have I ever +seen the sense in crossing the dead and preserved with the dead whose food +safety is preserved. Nor have I ever seen how his taking me out of line and +chewing me out for moving a trash can was justified when I was trying to +guarantee the food safety that was not my responsibility but his. + +TRINITY: She's not doing well- I thought it was kind of obvious. You + should talk to her yourself. +[...]: You and she both have this thing where you're rude- whatever, I + guess I'll just go fuck myself. +TRINITY: Enjoy fucking yourself then. + +And then I left on my scooter and heard him say something behind me. My +assumption though not charitable is he made a remark either about my being +transgender or being homeless, both things that while he may accept he is glad +certainly to not experience. But I can't say for sure. And I could say while I +may not have a ceiling or roof, at least I have my heart. + + +/blah/2023-10-04.html + +2023-09-28 I woke up a little after midnight at my workplace to my coworkers +finishing close. I put my backpack on and scooted out and down the hill to find +the old lookout point one of my former roommates had mentioned once. + +The path was blocked by three boulders placed so as to prevent automobile +through-traffic. I walked by them and up the hill through the path. The +streetlight faded behind me and soon I was alone among the dark silence save +for the chatter of the crickets and varied twig-snapping of unseen nocturnal +creatures, the friends of Nowhere, Maine. + +I came to a pile of strewn trash among, if it had been warmer, which would have +been flies I suppose and bits of nastiness that are begotten by nastiness. +Hoping this was the only bit decrepid in this desolation I walked further. It +was cold and I was tired so when I saw the needles and blood I made no reaction +even after my slow realization of what had happened there. + +It was not a place of honor, there was nothing to be had or found there, and +had I known better I would have fled immediately to avoid the fate that had +befallen what was left of whomever that had found ruin among the brush and +uncaring wilderness. This was the fate of the addict when they find an +apathetic owner of a chainsaw and these were the pieces that, should I chose to +indulge in mainlined drugs, will compose myself as well. Dogs or cats or foxes +or wolves had got to what was left but what had happened was apparent. The baby +stroller and diapers and formula pouches told the rest of the story. I stood +for a while comprehending this mess, processing without being able to process. +Nor it being safe to do so. + +My grandmother has no sympathy for addicts though even she wishes they'd get +better and supports the free dispersal of naloxone for those that need it. She +doesn't see why an addict should redose rather than purchase warmth or water, +not to mention inhabit a crack shack rather than find work and hearth and life. +She's smart. She's never looked down drunkenly at an empty bottle or +experienced lethargic purple haze and stupefied daze that accompanies the +shortening of a rolled joint. She's never craved a cigarette like I have. She +couldn't imagine it. She couldn't imagine my knowing the feeling. She can't +answer my questions for her - how sober lukewarm shelter could compare to pure +happiness coursing through a vein, or how hydration could compare to not +needing to care about any need, physical or emotional. Perhaps money can't buy +one love, but there are things a person enjoys more. At least at first. + +I've been through the downward spiral slipping from shelter to smaller shelter +like a sieve, looking only for acceptance and a place to sleep and finding +scarce the former and only more expensive the latter while my pay doesn't +increase nearly as quickly as the cost to live. One shot would kill me years +later after hundreds more, perhaps not as directly the first as the last, but +the first would be my death all the same. I know this. The sound ice makes when +it hits water and feels the sharp difference in temperature accompanied by the +whoosh of butane and naked laugh of the crazed fiend hungry for more pleasure, +more solace, a hoard of catharsis never to be experienced, only kept like a rat +keeps food for winter, and the drawing in of the needle and the flick and snap +of the glass and rubber band and push of it in and the mind out and let the +reason bleed out of you in transparent drool and snot and let the eyes droop +and heart swell with unearned passion. As much as it would be my comfort then +it is my recurring nightmare now. And it's not inevitable, because I will make +it out of this hell before it chains me and loses the key. + +Hyperlinks relating to moulage + +https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/narrenturm +https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Moulage +https://www.unmc.edu/newsroom/2014/01/07/unmc-history-101-medicine-in-wax/ +https://blog.unmc.edu/2013/09/04 + /dan-brick-lays-the-foundation-for-realistic-simulation/ +https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/b/bd + /The_Dead_Pearl_Diver_by_Benjamin_Paul_Akers_2.jpg +https://www.aoc.gov/explore-capitol-campus/art/ulysses-s-grant-statue + +Hyperlinks relating to CrowPi2 programming + +https://github.com/WiringPi/WiringPi +http://wiringpi.com/examples/blink/ +https://github.com/Elecrow-RD/CrowPi2/tree/main/known_issues +https://github.com/Elecrow-RD/CrowPi/blob/master/Examples/segment.py +https://www.adafruit.com/product/877#description +https://github.com/adafruit/Adafruit_LED_Backpack +https://cdn-shop.adafruit.com/datasheets/ht16K33v110.pdf +http://wiringpi.com/reference/i2c-library/ + +[Xlib](https://www.x.org/releases/X11R7.7/doc/libX11/libX11/libX11.html) + + +/blah/2023-10-03.html + +everything sucks so fucking hard + +So. Roommates got evicted. Seeing the writing on the wall I packed my shit up +and left. Now that my repack's done I am now comfortably contained in a +backpack with strapped on sleeping bag and scooter on my shoulder. Where to go +next, though, was complicated. + +2023-09-26 I got out of work and went back to my roommates. They were squatting +and for lack of space elsewhere I slept in the kitchen in my clothes and jacket +next to the litter box. The cats kept staring at me. It smelled like shit and +piss and the cats would paw at the litter to toss it on me. I got an hour of +sleep and went to work early. + +2023-09-27 I got out of work and scooted up the street to a Dollar Tree around +which I scooted and found a nice clear area behind a railing next to a parking +lot. At work I had debated leaving the scooter. It's weight and something else +to carry. Eventually I just brought it though and it lay next to me in the +brush. + +I laid out my sleeping bag, opened a book on my tablet, and silently and +comfortably if a little bit chilly read Hulk comics until I heard a distant +yell. + +You mother fuck! + +I looked up but I couldn't see the source. + +Get out of here! + +Perhaps it was voices. Perhaps it was a trick of the air. I laid back down. I +was wearing all black and my bivy was green against the olive brush. They +couldn't see me. + +I see you out there! If you're still there I'm going to fucking kill you! + +Night had by this time fallen. I sat up and got out my telescope. + +At work I had also considered leaving it behind. + +Two camoflouged cameras against the walls and two doors. The second one opened +and then closed. I was visible and I had probably been made. I began to pack my +stuff, quickly. Then the SUV arrived. Black, big, and it circled the parking +lot like a cat about to pounce on me. It's at this point I strap my sleeping +bag on halfway and with a glance at my former spot I got on my scooter and +sped. It started following me. + +I scooted for a cliff, jumped off my scooter and jumped down onto the wet grass +sliding to a stop. I took the time to strap the rest of my sleeping bag on and +then from that ledge jumped down and scooted down a side street. Left. Right. +Left. Right. Left onto Lisbon St and eventually I was back at work. + +[10:46 PM] trinity: outran an suv on a kick scooter +[10:46 PM] trinity: i am so swag +[11:03 PM] [..1]: i read that in your voice and it made me smile +[11:05 PM] [..2]: gayass + +I was huffing and puffing and tuned my UV-5R to the county dispatch but there +was nothing, city dispatch is encrypted and I don't wanna bother figuring it +out so I assume whoever was after me was not police. + +2023-03-06 + +post meta coital meta cigarette +pixelated bodies having meta sex +meta kids meta hacking both our meta eyes +peeping meta Toms in the same meta lie + + +/blah/2023-09-26.html + +01 "It's pretty nice." Nice didn't begin to cut it. In fact, it was the +most beautiful wax sculpture I had ever seen. It depicted a life-sized nude +woman with intricate detail: hair so fine you could trace individual strands +down to their split ends, make out the scoring of her flesh and the lines in +her palms - including wrinkling that on the animate would indicate lack of +moisture. "Why the injury?" + +3: Is your dog nice? +?: All dogs are nice. +3: Like. Can I pet your dog? +?: That's up to the dog. + + +/blah/2023-09-25.html + +horizontal six letters; poly pollinators +that's a bee threesome. right! +shit you sunk my battleship +red peg in hole strike + +vertical nine letters; alley alligators +that's a crocodile dealer. nice, +i want a pet reptile +but the vet bills are so high + +i keep pissing washing my hands stepping out +my fly is down +i can't finish jack shit +and it's written on my frown +can you bind my knees together and sit me at my writers chair +and bring me coffee daily +and can you pet my floofy hair? no! +well i can't write about that +in a magazine like this +you're describing graphic violence +I write a nature column for the kids +you're reprehensibe +defending serial killers who pass laws +it's upsetting to my senses +from my cat ears to my paws + +pin me by my bee wings 'cause the hive is dying out +repopulate our hexing nest babe breed me til the sun is down +no really! i'm so fucking weak i don't work out and i'm so pettable +tie me up take out a knife and then do something reprehensible + + +/blah/2023-09-23.html + +My paycheck was $548. + +no tape assembly +easy carry handles with lift off lid +strong, double wall construction +reusable + +no tape +we're sticky ourselves +while our words bounce off your skin +they reflect and cut into our shells +so many razor blades in my back +i look like i lost a saw trap +easy carry so easy to get carried away +last time i was told to make them get the message +they almost got carried away on a stretcher +bury a stray +bullet in your heart and lift off the lid +see the lead beat with your organs +warm metal surgery + +the wall is textured like the painter didn't care +because he didn't +your wallet's empty like your broke ass didn't work +because you didn't +bitch keep walking +bitch keep walking +butterfly knife in my right hip pocket +button quietly pops a scooter handle off it +and i have an EMP just in case shit gets rough +you never know what could happen getting groceries +times is tough +bitch keep walking + +AC hum + +a hostess apple pie gets eaten in a rush +"become ungovernable" bitch that's us +sisyphus in zeno's paradox only rolls up +twenty million sisyphuses surrounding the top +any rookie with a boulder is a threat +sell space at the zenith make amateurs pay rent +get defenestrated by straight finesse +another has been for the history texts +and yet +the only ones with the truth +are the ones who can't use it +or the ones who are useless +or the ones who have interests so vested +they can't wrestle their mind away. they lose it +to multibillion dollar trademarked facelessness +empathy's a weapon and capital can't stop testing it +and your heaven sent neolib is already in the dem trenches +"thank bernie for giving the overton window to leftists" +puppet parrot puppy left it for lobby dollar moral debting +netorare + +i've been having car troubles bang bang +from the engine keeps me up bang bang +in the streets keeps me up bang bang +when i find my crew slacking bang bang +knock at the door, classy bang bang +bitch too loud, so i slap him bang bang +in the head disrespecting me bang bang +in the head dissecting me bang bang +in the head expecting me bang bang +in a bitch's head for testing me bang bang +and i'm home and in bed and free bang bang +the metal arm strikes the bell bang bang +shoes hit doorstep on the way out bang bang +get in and start the car bang bang + + +/blah/2023-09-19.html + +I'm tired and I'm not recovering from things from which I should be recovering. +Everything hurts and the bruises are only ever replaced with new wounds. The +bruises aren't even from anything cool like [...] with [...] or [...]. + +I need headpats. + +The Ballad of Sean and Josh + Sean is forty-eight + and Josh was twenty that + when Sean took Josh away + from the closet in the flat + where Josh had made his home + with a dealer selling crack + Sean lived with his ma + and Josh would live alone + in Sean's house room he'd lay + until fin'ly to Sean he said hello + they learned about each one's + + +/blah/2023-09-18.html + + WITH THIS TECHNOLOGY + +[kim jong un holding a floppy disk] + + WE WILL BRING THE UNITED + STATES TO ITS KNEES + +The first time I saw this image macro was in 2012 and I thought it was so funny +I laughed about it for a week. + +Today [...] posted horg.com in [...]. + +The DPRK is kinda swag. + +Once I transcribe all my GitHub repos to either this blah or src I can delete +them and finally have nothing on GitHub. I'm still keeping my account to track +contributions to GitHub repositories but I'm no longer using GitHub for even +things that aren't meaningful. I'm not super up to date on everything with it +but I don't like that CoPilot could be trained on my code and I don't like that +it looks like social media when I log in nowadays. Gotta remove all my stars... + +2018-05-20 + +# GUESSNEXT +A guessing game for the TI-83/84(+). + +## Installation + +### Required software: +- [TI-Connect](https://education.ti.com/en/products/computer-software + /ti-connect-sw "ti.com") +- [TokensIDE](https://www.ticalc.org/archives/files/fileinfo/433/43315.html + "ticalc.org") + +### Installing from the source code: +01. Download GUESSNXT.txt. +02. Install TokensIDE. +03. Open GUESSNXT.txt in TokensIDE. +04. Delete the documentation (lines preceded by a "//"). +05. Remove any empty lines. +06. Compile the program by pressing F5 or going into the BUILD MENU and + selecting 8X>8XP. +08. Install TI-Connect. +09. Plug in your calculator. +10. Open TI-Connect. +11. Open your file explorer and navigate to the directory with GUESSNXT.8XP in + it. +12. Copy GUESSNXT to your calculator. +13. Wait for the copy process to finish and wait an additional ten seconds for + TI-Connect to finish calibration. +14. Unplug your calculator. +15. Enjoy your game! + +## Compatibility +TI-83 - Unsupported +TI-83+ - Should work; untested +TI-84+ - Tested working +TI-84+ SE - Should work; untested + +2018-05-20 + +40 - Disp "OUT OF GUESSES. + 40 + Disp "OUT OF GUESSES.","IT WAS:",B + +2018-05-22 + +16 16 //Main loop +17 17 Lbl B +18 18 Disp D," TO",E,"","YOUR GUESS? +19 - Input "> ",C + 19 + Input "> ",Str0 + 20 + If Str0="B + 21 + Then + 22 + Disp "CHEATER!!! + 23 + Return + 24 + End + 25 + expr(Str0)->C + 26 + Delvar Str0 +20 27 A-1->A +21 28 If C=B +22 29 Disp "CORRECT"," + +2018-05-30 + + 6 6 ### Required software: + 7 7 - [TI-Connect](https://education.ti.com/en/products/computer-software + /ti-connect-sw "ti.com") + 8 - - [TokensIDE](https://www.ticalc.org/archives/files/fileinfo/433/ + 43315.html "ticalc.org") + 8 + - [TokensIDE](https://www.ticalc.org/archives/files/fileinfo/433/ + 43315.html "ticalc.org") (if installing from the source code) + 9 9 +10 10 ### Installing from the source code: +11 11 01. Download GUESSNXT.txt. +[...] +22 22 13. Wait for the copy process to finish and wait an additional ten + seconds for TI-Connect to finish calibration. +23 23 14. Unplug your calculator. +24 24 15. Enjoy your game! + 25 + + 26 + ### Installing a release: + 27 + 01. Go to the releases page and grab GUESSNXT.8xp. + 28 + 03. Install TI-Connect. + 29 + 04. Plug in your calculator. + 30 + 05. Open TI-Connect. + 31 + 06. Open your file explorer and navigate to the directory with GUESSNXT + in it. + 32 + 07. Copy GUESSNXT to your calculator. + 33 + 08. Wait for the copy process to finish and wait an additional ten + seconds for TI-Connect to finish calibration. + 34 + 09. Unplug your calculator. + 35 + 10. Enjoy your game! + +26 - Delvar Str0 + 26 + DelVar Str0 + + +/blah/2023-09-17.html + +[10:33PM] trinity: i like puzzling out timeframes. the more the past makes + sense the more the present does + +I'm twenty years old. Two decades old. No longer teenage by any stretch of the +word. + +Dear future self - + you better be kicking as much fucking ass as I have kicked and am + presently kicking. We have a reputation to keep. + +I was hoping to have a book published by the time I turned 20. I think I tossed +the manuscript. The plot was meandering and while it was serviceable I think +I'm just gonna write something else. + +My paycheck last Friday was $555.28. + +I read Tank Girl and liked it. Tank Girl 2 I liked less but liked a whole lot +more high than sober. Chronologically the next one is the movie novelization +but it's a little harder to find for download and my texts SD card shattered +due to high stress (I get it). + +We arrived at the Orlando Greyhound station, kissed, and I went inside to +double check whether my bus was there yet. They had a different time listed for +my bus than what I had on my ticket so I went to the information desk for help. +They said I needed to jet over to the address on my ticket, which, rather than +the place at which I had been dropped off, that place, which I had foolishly +assumed was the same place I should depart, was a small bus tours business in +an Asian marketplace. So we went over there. + +The car ride took a bit and it was stressed about me missing my bus. I was +stressed too but pretended not to be. I asked if I could get my ticket +rescheduled and the clerk told me in broken English I should catch the bus at +the station we had just left. I said it would be impossible to catch the bus +because it had left by the time we got to Atlanta Bus Tours and the clerk said +that was a real shame because I couldn't reschedule my ticket or get a refund, +but that I should check the Greyhound website. The website was barren except a +cancellation page that errored on my ticket number. + +However before determining I was stranded in Orlando Florida I, heroically, +told my girlfriend it could drop me off and I would Figure It Out. I am averse +to asking for help, severely and perhaps it is terminal without intervention. +But then I would have to bother someone to intervene. I slept that night under +a palm tree across from an abandoned Magic Outlet Mall. I thought this was a +franchise but looking it up it is in fact the one and only Magic Outlet Mall. +The reviews are good. + +The original plan for Orlando was to spend my time browsing the city and visit +a friend in the area (now girlfriend) and the plan slowly morphed into spending +most of the week in a bed and being really well rested. It felt really good to +be well rested, actually. My head was clear. The plan was originally to sleep +in forgotten areas of Orlando but I couldn't have imagined how sparse the city +is. Cities should be dense, naturally developed, zoned curiously and built +vertically where space was no longer available otherwise. Orlando is the +opposite. My time in Florida was the best week of my life despite all of this. +Easily. + +Spotify Playlist: florida +Billy Knows Jamie 100 gecs +Kiss My Own Dick David Shawty, Yungster Jack +dui estelle allen +CREEP U Black Dresses +Tell Me Your Secret death's dynamic shroud +うずまき Machine Girl +I Slept With Someone in Fall Fall Out Boy +Out Boy And All I Got Was This +Stupid Song Written About Me +Somebody's Watching Me Rockwell +Revenge Captainsparklez, Tryhardninja +N95 Kendrick Lamar +Nightcall Kavinsky +Cops and robbers underscores +Loansharks underscores +Old money bitch underscores + +2023-08-28 + +[ 8:53 AM] trinity: fuck plato +[ 8:53 AM] trinity: plato would fuck a mcchicken and say hey guys look i had sex +[ 8:55 AM] trinity: stupid motherfucker + +2023-08-29 + +[12:33 AM] [...]: wgat +[12:33 AM] [...]: what +[12:33 AM] [...]: real +[ 9:05 PM] trinity: full moon. spooky +[ 9:05 PM] trinity: why was i so angry at plato +[ 9:05 PM] trinity: i think i wrote that at a wendys +[ 9:05 PM] trinity: wendys seasoned potatoes sorta fuck +[ 9:19 PM] [...]: cause plato sux + +2018-05-20 + +Disp "GUESSNEXT","CODED BY","DEVEN BLAKE 2018 +Pause +ClrHome +5->A + +//Prepper +Lbl A +5+A->A +Disp "GUESSES:",A +Pause +randInt(1,100)->B +1->D +100->E +ClrHome + +//Main loop +Lbl B +Disp D," TO",E,"","YOUR GUESS? +Input "> ",C +A-1->A +If C=B +Disp "CORRECT"," +//Seperate IFs so as to avoid memory leakage +If C=B +Goto A +If C<B + Then + Disp "TOO LOW + If C>D + C->D + End +If C>B + Then + Disp "TOO HIGH + If C<E + C->E + End +If A<1 + Then + Disp "OUT OF GUESSES. + Return + End +Goto B + + +/blah/2023-09-16.html + +The pages got disorganized in my backpack, so here they are as I dig them out. + +The View from Halfway Down is definitely from before any of the other pages, I +decided to change the name after the person for which I went to Florida noted +it was the name of a Bojack Horseman episode. + +--- + +Homelessness is a crime few want to commit. Dear vagabonds and ruffians, the +former being my category, do, though I thought carefully before deciding. Most +don't. Human beings need creature comforts, consistency, safety. Maybe I'm not +a __real__ vagabond. I'd like housing. I just can't fathom honest safety; +acceptance. + +Salsa shark. + +I'm not a real programmer, not a real writer, not a real vagabond, not a real +human, not a real woman, barely a cook - a bad one, and a burden on my loved +ones. The voices in my head disagree. When did I become the negative one? + +I imagine if I don't catch a bus in 7 hours I will be swept into the ocean. I +understand - no, kin - Dostoevsky. + +I will start asking others to help me. I sort of wish my ancestors stayed in +Finland. But I wouldn't have met [...], [...], [...]... + +Draft kinlist + +- Patrick Bateman +- Ryan Gosling +- ANARCHY Stocking +- IBUKI Maya +- AMANE Misa +- My friend Lily from Maine +- Saul Goodman +- Mike from Breaking Bad +- Mr. Triangle from Gravity Falls +- Charlie Chaplin +- Dostoevsky +- Franz Kafka +- Abandoned Magic Outlet +- Randall from Clerks +- Rorshach + +--- + +Rules for the road: charging + +Charge your biggest battery first. Use it last. Batteries before devices. +If near a power source, use it. 1% is a text message. +Charge as much as possible; if there are as many power sources as you have +devices, all your devices should be charging. +Use 1 device at a time, if necessary, if you can help it. +Internet takes battery. Cell networks take more. + +2117: Departing Jacksonville + +--- + +THE VIEW FROM HALFWAY DOWN (pg. 1) + +My job is to separate the bones. I stand at South Station in front of a +conveyer belt - my conveyer belt, just for me - and dip my hands through the +skim and pick the bones out of the line. The bones go to the vat to my right, +to level twenty-something, where the marrow is extracted and they make the +jelly. The meat, the fat, and most importantly, the blood, go further down the +line and to level 31 which I can see below me. Level 31 is where the content is +homogenized. + +I saw and talked to someone when I was in training. I don't remember its name. +It handed me my scalpel and taught me where to cut. The torso is handled by +those before me, whose work I admire. I admired the eyes to whose nose I +talked. The stainless steel. Smell of warmth. Blood from limb. + +Those before me cut a Y into the chest and take the organs. My turn is already +hollowed so I use my scalpel to - efficiently - extract the bones from the +forearm, the upper arm, calves, thighs. Cut dip pull move. Cut dip pull move. +I can tell when a new hire takes over. The cuts aren't as neat, more is taken +with the organs than necessary. + +It's so loud. Something always needs chopping, grinding. I hear dremels above +me sawing through bone. Everything is red. + +I separate the bones because I was told to do so, and separating the bones is +how I am let live, let breathe, let sip, let eat the meat. My first day is my +breath, my second water, my third my apartment, my fourth this. This meat. + +It is ground and turned to food. People beget people beget me. Simply. I +remember it that begot me. My handcuffs were unlocked in front of a +blue-painted skyscraper, my home. + +--- + +Today I woke up next to [...] +and the [...] +oh, to think, since it's been 48 hours +today's four days long shoulda already been home +I can't remember yesterday, it's sure been a while +Since I asked did we - did you - while reaching for my phone +[...] +it's been two days since yesterday and I still haven't seen [...] +I missed my bus, shit, went to the wrong station +the agent told me there wasn't any way to change it +$250 down the drawin and I slept under a palm tree +a friend booked the next ticket, owed me, now I'll pay the difference + +--- + +machine +and no there won't +be a sequel + +--- + +[grossly inaccurate drawing of the fifty United States + +--- + +THE VIEW FROM HALFWAY DOWN (pg. 2) + +From the top of the skyscraper I heard the bellows of the heavens. The distance +made the roar fade and twist into a melodious drone that seemed to be the tone +of the local crimson soil and the resonance of being. I clutched the railing of +the lift upwards, 33 stories minus none, that carried me into the low ashen +clouds. The noise crescendoed. + +It was halfway up that lift, 16 stories or so, that I met my predecessor. We +made eye contact, me slowly going up and it, stained all over in various films +of scarlet, swiftly descending. In a second I heard vague yowls of excitement +far below me. + +Suicide is the most natural way to die. By choice rather than by chance. In my +opinion to die in such a way as to mix impure brain or spine with meat is to +end in selfishness, to ensure death with one's calories. + +To say nothing of the crime. I stayed on the lift because that is my job and my +duty, and I realize that now. I committed a heinous act. I don't remember it +and naturally could not therefore defend myself. I now commit all my heinous +acts to memory. + +I was a cook. My job was to render meat into meals; patties, stew, sausage, and +sometimes delicacies if a person to me noble came to the kitchen. I thought the +work was difficult. + +I like to think about dying. To be separating my own bones on line. When I die +I'd like my cuts to be beautiful, sharp and clean, by those professional +processors that have honed their craft with their blade. + +Sometimes the bones are broken. Sometimes all the bones are broken. Nothing was +not deafening. But nothing, too, became deafening. The drone joined my silence, +residue in my riddled brain. I lie awake at night, if for nothing else then the +cacophony. + +--- + +THE VIEW FROM HALFWAY DOWN (pg. 3) + +I have been chauffered from place to place, as if I am cattle, since I was very +young. Perhaps it has been this way forever. I love my job. I love the smell. +It may seem unbelievable but it's true, I was raised in the smell, I know the +scent of blood better than flesh, I love the smell. I have also made my peace +with the unending mechanical thunder. I can't hear much else. My fingers may as +well have been tattooed red. Cut dip pull move. + +I don't know where the people came from. Nor do I know whom I would ask. I live +just as well. + +--- + +2023-08-19 T 1400 + +ON A GREYHOUND... + +An hour or so ago, between Lewiston (Maine) & Portland (Maine), the driver +stopped the bus, opened the door, stepped out, took some paces into Maine's +ubiquitous forest, and out of our sight, pissed. + +There's something about commercial transit in this state that makes ya gotta +go, I suppose. + +I'm sitting wedged against my pack and carryon, Lynn, never before mentioned +stuffed IKEA shark, above me, wondering when I can smoke my next cigarette. + +I imagine Lynn is wondering when I'll again quit. + +Greyhound is comfortably, perhaps haphazardly, disorganized. I was hoping I +could stow my pack under the bus. Funny thing about hope... I've been rereading +Watchmen and listening to the driver's radio. 80s? 60s-80s? + +I wanna see [...]. 150mins down. 2790mins to go. At least by my small mental +scratchpad. I'm embarrassed to do the math out on this real pad. I have 3 +calculators... + +--- + + PHONE ATT. + ------------- ------------- +| INT SDA SCL | | SCL SDA INT | +| DCIN 5V GND | | GND 5V DCIN | + ------------- ------------- + ------------- +| 1 _ DCIN ___| +| 2 _ VOUT ___| +| 3 _ GND ____| +| 4 _ SCL ____| +| 5 _ SDA ____| +| 6 _ INT ____| + ------------- + +--- + +2023年08月27日 + +I SHOULD BE ON A GREYHOUND... + +Today is sunday so I guess I'll start from last Monday. + +On the 21st, 1300 or so, I arrived in Orlando Florida, city - city? - of dear +hearts and weak knees. I was here to see a beloved someone and soak up some sun +and have a good time. I've never been to Florida before - in fact, I'd only +been as far as Virginia, which I didn't particularly like. I remember being +disappointed we couldn't go to a Kentucky KFC. How goals change... + +I called an ex-roommate and we spoke about how things were up in Maine: not +great. Then I called [...] who was on its way over to pick me up, on a car trip +longer than I would expect (20mins? 30?). After confusion about where it was +going (the nearest Family Dollar so I could get deodorant after spending 49 +hours on a bus) it arrived. + +It was shorter in meatspace than I expected. More beautiful. We met on-line in +[...] after a video call in which I noticed it and got flustered at how hot it +was and it got flustered at my calling it fucking stunningly gorgeous and +everyone else in the video call in the programming community sat in silence. I +threw my backpack and carry-on in the back of the car and got in the passenger +seat and I got flustered and it got flustered still more than half a year later +for the same reasons. + +Every siren makes me nervous. I know how this city treats its homeless. City? + +--- + +Orlando isn't what I, a Mainer, imagine a city to be. Before Florida's +colonization and sterilization it was just a swamp or something like that - +every presence, as well as every absense, is deliberate. It's strange how much +absence there is. Sprawling empty parking lots, five-lane roads, lines of palm +trees and now cars and the empty Magic Outlet in front of me. A city is dense. +You can walk to another restaurant in less than five minutes if you're not +enjoying your meal. People talk to you, maybe not in your language but a little +gesturing goes a long way. There is nobody in Orlando except the sun and the +heat. + +1730. No new text messages. I'm considering pawning my sleeping bag. + +1804. 1 new text message. + +On the 21st, 1500 or so, after some typical affection - as in, the act, not as +in what it meant to me - I took my first shower since about 2300-0100 between +the 18th and 19th in Maine. The water in Orlando is excellent. Ice is a must as +most taps only allow a selection between hot and lukewarm due to the +temperature. + +Then I don't remember. And what I can remember doesn't belong here. + +I thought nechan was eye-chan, but eye is me [this is Japanese; pronounced +"meh"]. Its eyes are beautiful. Much of this week I was paralyzed in awe at how +beautiful my girlfriend is. It is also just in general an excellent person. We +cooked dinner together nearly every night, it learning my rat bastard scarcity +recipes and I learning what real food tastes like and how to pronounce +jalape~no (hah lah peh nyo). + +"There's something inside you. It's hard to explain. They're talking about you, +boy, but you're still the same." + +--- + +I think it's going to rain and I have no shelter. Maybe I could figure a way +into that Magic Outlet but I have too much in my backpack to hop a fence and no +decent tools for lockpicking. + +1833. No new text messages. + +Received SMS from ??? ([...]) at 2023-08-27T17:07:38-0400: +stay as safe as you can please + +TRINITY: Would you still love me if I was a worm? +[...]: No. +TRINITY: ... + I would still love you if you were a worm. +[...]: You love me? + +I'm sorry for not showing it with my actions. Of course I love you. That was +what I was figuring out while I disappeared. + +I don't know how to ask for what I need. + +Magic Outlet Mall: Brand Names for Less +says the sign's faded vestige on tan-gray bricks +above palm trees yellow tape abandoned commerce sign +the magic outlet tapped out ain't that just the way +I don't miss my bed because I never had a bed +I had an air mattress flattened every morning by seven +then I got a foam slab but I'd still feel the bedframe +I don't miss my bed, I miss having my own space. +Magic Outlet Mall: Brand Names for Less +now here we both lie in the dirt at sunset +the light here is different prettier in many ways +better home than my last home, no roaches or sleeping bag cat spray +1-800-FL-LEGAL I just keyed a Tesla +my magic outlet sleeping space saw a rich asshole intruder +where will you deport me bitch barely of this earth +I'm from an orbiter of mars and polycule network + +--- + +2004. No new messages. + +I just heard a cicada for the first time. They're deafening. Like a car alarm +in immediate proximity. They make a piezo buzz like they're charging up a +missile and continue to target you with an otherworldly humm until the sun +finishes its descent. + +The sun and his heat are gone. It is me and Luna and Gaia that remain. Lights +are on at the magic outlet. I guess it had a little more power. + +I did not need my laptop, tech repair kit, phone parts, or two tablets. I +should have brought 1 tablet, my phone, and that's it. I needed a UV5R with +extended battery. I did not need the condoms. Gay sex is better anyway. I miss +my 5.11 RUSH 48. The ALICE's organization isn't great and it's harder to pass +unnoticed. Better would be TSA carry-on sized, then I wouldn't need to part +with my luggage. Greyhound never searched me. I'm covered in mosquito bites. + +--- + +2023年08月28日 + +Hurricane Idalia - maybe only a tropical storm, I'm not sure - hits Florida +tomorrow, and for that I will need to either stay with a friend or find a +strong umbrella. + +My bivy didn't survive the night, kinda shit but makes good insulation from the +ground. I could have roughed it but I wanted to be comfortable and I was +worried about bugs. I'm really unfamiliar with the local flora and fauna. + +I had tickets to Billy Joel and Arctic Monkeys. I was only excited to see the +friend with which I booked them. And now the plan is to go back to our +hometown. + +I'm scruffy and my hair is wack. We - as in, my girlfriend and I, which is a +delight for me to write - were planning on watching a lot of vampire movies: +Nosferatu, Only Lovers Left Alive, and Shadow of the Vampire. We ended up +watching the old classics American Psycho, Clerks, and Drive. It had never seen +Clerks and I had never seen Drie. Nor had [...] who was there Saturday. I +didn't catch a lot of the plot of Drive as I was distracted but [...] explained +it in the morning and it seems like a good movie. I was surprised at how +graphic [...]'s death in the movie was, it was a little triggering to be +honest. + +It feels good to be bitten. Bitten hard. Bitten so hard you have a mark the +next day, a bruise after a week. It feels good to bite. I bite weakly, +cautiously. I bite worried about the mark and tearing flesh and the pain. It +feels better to be bitten by one that does not care. But I feel bad when I +don't care. + + +/blah/2023-09-09.html + +western mysticism influencers stick +dispensing business stickers onto crosswalk notices +and say that mary jane is the merriest trick +and that egotistic bourgouis corpos shouldn't be so rich + + +/blah/2023-09-04.html + +Regarding something I read. + +I feel some guilt for not really having a lot of trans pride. + +I grew up on /b/. Post golden era, when /pol/ started festering in its second +coming and pseudoanons started spiking the machine, everything got a lot more +transphobic. I didn't give a shit what the r/greentext exiles bore in prejudice +but I knew their opinions roughly reflected the 20% or so and life would be +easier if I lived without making them piss and shit themselves. But being +dishonest with myself, or being honest with myself but hiding who I was, didn't +work for me. I felt nothing as I breathed nothing and I worked on hidden +projects and scum agendas with the pitch hands of a tear in space, wordlessly +and heartlessly to test the limits to which a person could influence. Rage +against the biomass. I also wasn't able to safely come out in meatspace but to +a few at the time friends who still misgender me after years. + +My dream was not to be accepted and trans, but to be ignored and a cis woman. +Or pass as a cis woman. + +I too started programming on graphing calculators but I felt invalid, not a +true programmer, so I called it coding, and myself a coder, as evident by the +splashes I put before my TI-BASIC programs. Deven Blake is not my deadname, by +the way - I had my name changed when I was very young. I still don't see myself +as a programmer. Insecurities. + +I had other thoughts but I forgot them. + +2023年06月27日 + +When I started learning to program all I had was FreeBASIC and I just. Didn't. +Get it. Nor did I get PetitComputer which I got for my DSi XL. The first time I +made anything was when I was 11, 3 years after I started learning, and made a +simple drawing demo in Processing.JS. + +I was not a natural programmer. Lacking any sort of lessons or guidance or a +lot of motivation I floundered, and floundered, and floundered, and tried and +failed a dozen times. Pascal, Fortran, Petit Computer, FreeBASIC, Microsoft +Batch, SmileBASIC, a dozen more. Now I work in C and shell, only because I +learned shell to script tasks and learned C to understand my scripts better. + +A lot of people see expert programmers and get discouraged. My advice: Pick a +_good_ tool ~~(C or shell)~~ and stay until you know it. Python! + +OK I'm done shitting + +need more fiber + +I'm elsewhere, AFK - I wanna add this to the blah though. + +Undated; maybe from a year ago? Written on a paper bag in black sharpie + +soy sauce -> dill + -> teriyaki + -> avocado + -> salt + no too + Na +coffee +avocado -> ? brown ? +chai honey +blueberry lemon +green tea maple +pineapple -> oat soggy? + -> grape +key of C cheese + cream cheese + sat atop a + speaker playing + 435Hz until + the Cc is + extra soft +"dream cheese" + -> orange zest +mainly -> chamomile + -> green tea + lemon + honey +"mean cheese" + -> jalapeno + chili powder + cinnamon? + orange zest? + ~~paprika?~~ + ~~turmeric?~~ +pumpkin? +cinnamon? +kale? +salt? +pepper? +mint -> lavendar + -> coconut + -> garlic? +garlic rosemary +licorice + lavendar? +malta cream cheese + -> how? + [ -> why? ] +dandelion? +dandelion maple? +wasabi? +birthday cake? +bubblegum? +matcha! +cinnamon ginger +cola? +moxie!!! +mountain dew? +doritos? +fritos? +"team cheese" blueberry +for olympics strawberry +season (2024?) + +2023年07月03日 + +07-05 wisdom +teeth recheck +8AM be there @ 7 + +commie gets fucked by capitalist, +well he was so hot +can't afford the rent +and he drives mercedes benz +and we did it in the parking lot +all of the fucking jacked in bullshit +went to law school on daddy's nest egg +and I'm stealing toilet paper out of the store +I had a good thing and I fucked it up +everyone I know has gone +came down into the mosh pit so I can push you away +just hit your head get out and run +I had a good thing and fucked everything up +all my friends moved on +I'm still here sleeping on the floor +yeah didn't we have so much fun + +2023年07月04日 + +July 4 - when the +USA declared independ[...] +from Monarchist cunts. +I'm hiding in a parking +lot far from the hordes +that have invaded the +~~areas of~~ usual areas +of congregation. Loungi[...] +against my backpack +among Razor scooter +and Sony camera +watching the st[...] +sky +Amateur pyrotechnicians, +like teenagers on prom +night, put all their +effort into the first +five minutes of their +shows that blaze +occasionally during +twilight. The pre-show +to the fireworks +demonstration - paid +for by your tax dollars +- performed by the +city. I'm considering +breaking into an old +mill to see sky from +roof. +But that's so much +effort and the crisp +air hasn't yet cooled +me after my frantic +dash on two cheap +wheels from unnerving, +unthinking, unpredictable +crowds. A pack of +wild children crosses +my turf before deciding +to continue up Canal St. +My face itches. The +sweat and my +moisturizer are +considering waging +war on my dry skin. + +2023年07月12日 + +[...] appt 18日1000 + +2023年07月13日 + +methamphetamine +took all his molars +and then crack cocaine +only left his front teeth +Paul always yearns +for steak medium rare +but the man only has +cans of soup to eat +consumption begets +more of the same +when it doesn't, +it's illegal +give me your money, +shoes, or brain +you're not allowed +to call me evil +I am the capital + +meth took my molars +crack took my canines +lying on a park bench +what took my mind + +i can't sleep in a bed +won't sleep in a bed +i can't sleep in a bed +what took my mind + +the gray matter bubbled +bends made me all fried +I keep tossing & turning +what took my mind + +how do you fix that?' +death +but I love life and I love +sex +my friends all died and I'm +left +but it's not now my turn to +end + +I just want a steak +but crack took my canines +my destructive consumption +what the hell took my mind + +methamphetamine +took my molars +crack cocaine +took my canines +then life decided to +dissolve my gray matter +please, Gaia +who took my mind? + +destructive consumption +oh how badly I crave steak +all I've got's my two front teeth +can't eat even if I have my cake +my nerves shoot my eyes +head won't stop. someone end my pain +please, Gaia +who did this to my brain + +2018-08-30 + +Disp "SCHEDULE","CODED BY","DEVEN BLAKE 2018 +Pause +ClrHome + +//Menu +Lbl M +0→Z +Menu("LHS SCHEDULE","VIEW SCHEDULE",A,"EDIT SCHEDULE",B,"QUIT",C +Stop + +//View +Lbl A +ClrHome +For(A,1,8 + "!D:→Str1 + A + Asm(prgmLBLRW + Output(A,1,Ans + End +0 +While Ans≠21 + getKey + If Ans≠0 + Output(8,1,"2ND TO QUIT +Goto M + +//Edit +Lbl B +ClrHome +Output(1,1,"1-8 TO EDIT +Output(2,1,"OTHERS TO QUIT +0→A +0 +While Ans=0 + getKey + If Ans=72 + 7→A + If Ans=73 + 8→A + If Ans=82 + 4→A + If Ans=83 + 5→A + If Ans=84 + 6→A + If Ans=92 + 1→A + If Ans=93 + 2→A + If Ans=94 + 3→A + End +If A=0 + Goto M +ClrHome +Disp "ENTER NEW DATA +Input "",Str1 +"D:"+Str1→Str1 +A +Asm(prgmLBLRW +ClrHome +Disp "DATA CHANGED! +While Ans≠21 + getKey + End +Goto M + +//Quit +Lbl C +ClrHome +Stop + +//Data +Lbl D +PERIOD ONE +PERIOD TWO +PERIOD THREE +PERIOD FOUR +PERIOD FIVE +PERIOD SIX +PERIOD SEVEN +PERIOD EIGHT + + +/blah/2023-08-25.html + +the voices in my head just gave me a pep talk +i was wondering if my presence had done harm +because my host just went away said they thought they felt pent up +now i'm sitting here in the dark on my laptop + +i can't justify my presence if i've done harm +can't justify existing if my presence won't let pain stop +i worry about hurting everybody i love +they say it's not my fault but would say the same if it was + +i'm not feeling great it's not my stomach it's my head i +think it's the static state of my location i've been in i +was wondering if i could get some space for a minute i +am going out i'll be back or if not i will text you back bye + +i cleaned the room i'm staying in it's not my room it's its +it's its near institution living space i've invaded and its +floor is taken over by my shit from my backpack it is +now in the corner so it's not so claustrophobic inducing + +i should shit or get off the pot but i still won't turn the light on +i would rather sit in darkness than walk over to the switch my +laptop is light enough and i don't like disturbing the air + + +/blah/2023-08-23.html + +roses are red +the warmest color is blue +holy fuck i'm in florida +and i'm on your todo +it's so nice to be normal +but there's nothing normal about you +you are so fucking special +and i know you're kind of weird too + +I feel good. Really good. This is the best vacation of my life. + + +/blah/2023-08-20.html + +On a Greyhound... + +I'm in South Carolina, or maybe Georgia. A long way from Maine - don't remind +me. Or do. + +I have made it out of Lewiston. + +The most tearful goodbye was my sidekick with whom I have resolved to join in +four months. I'm considering returning to Lewiston because I am so worried +about her alone in the colloquial "dirty Lew". Atlanta is 130 miles away, so +this must not be Georgia. + +I wouldn't go to Hell if it was the only way I could see her. But if it was the +only remaining way to see my sidekick I would think about departing every hour. +Now the notion for myself is out of the question, completely, absolutely, not +even by accident. I'm more careful now. Fewer risks taken. Healthier choices. +Which isn't to say our separation would destroy us. We take measures to ensure +minimal if any codependency. But a wrongful separation, too soon or too early, +would. + +The skyline has McDonald's, Arby's, Exxon. It could be a Maine skyline if the +Makku didn't have neon on its fringe, if the gas station was by a different +name, if there wasn't also a Waffle House. I hadn't seen a BP gas station in +my life until Virginia or so when I first noticed a "green Irving". + +Anderson, South Carolina. I need to take my estrogen. Done. I am so thoroughly +farther from the place from which I was I can already scarcely remember the +sparse urbanoid environment. The forested ghetto. + +The local accent has in common with mine that Atlanta is "et LANna". I wonder +what the older, thicker Maine accent would say. + +Next stop: Gainsville, Georgia, if I spelled it right. I'd like to go to a +Waffle House. I wonder if they have vegan options. + + +/blah/2023-08-14.html + +2021-01-12 + +sitcom.txt + CARLOS walks into the room. +FELL: So, how'd it go? +CARLOS: It went well. It went pretty well. + CARLOS faints onto the sofa. FELL grabs a bottle of water and pours a + third of it on CARLOS. +FELL: Well? Just well? Did you... +CARLOS (sputtering from the water): Yeah. Yeah we did. It was... sexy. +FELL: Sexy? +CARLOS: I mean, I almost died. But it was sexy. +FELL: How?.. +CARLOS: Ah.. strangulation? +FELL: Strangulation? +CARLOS: I was suspended from her ceiling fan by a rope. +FELL: Oh. +CARLOS: I just need to take a quick nap to recuperate here. +FELL: Is that why you have a new turtleneck? +CARLOS: Yeah. She gave it to me when she took me out to Dennys. +FELL: Oh, well that was nice of her. +CARLOS: On a leash. +FELL: A leash? +CARLOS: I was fortunately wearing a paper bag, so it's okay. No embarrassment. +FELL: How did you eat? +CARLOS: I didn't. She said she was going to peg me later. +FELL: Did she? +CARLOS: Yes. +FELL: Was it your first time? +CARLOS: No. Thank god. She pulled out a nine-incher- +FELL: Jesus, a nine-incher? +CARLOS: That's what she called it. It was more than a foot though. +FELL: The nine inches was... +CARLOS: The nine inches was its girth. Yeah. +FELL: Did it hurt? +CARLOS: Not really, she gave me some drugs or something- +FELL: Let me see your eyes. + FELL shines a bright light into CARLOS'S eyes. Their pupils shrink. +FELL: Your eyes aren't dilated. +CARLOS: Yeah, I'm not still high or anything. +FELL: So, she hanged you up like a pin~ata- +CARLOS: Like some kind of French pin~ata- +FELL: and then after she was done with you there, doing?.. +CARLOS: She put a vibrator in my ass. +FELL: So you were swinging around by your neck with a vibrator in your ass? +CARLOS: In my ass and two on my nipples. +FELL (concerned): Was all of this consensual? +CARLOS: What, does she seem like a fucking monster to you? Of course it was. +FELL: I was just checking. +CARLOS: I loved that shit. We're going on our second date next Friday. +FELL: That was the first date? +CARLOS: That was me coming over to play video games. Things just snowballed. + +2021-12-03 + +priongod.odt + I am rotting. I can feel it. My brain eats at my skull at my eyes at my +tongue my tongue. Left arm gone. GOne. I am sitting in this freezer rotting. +The flies cannot find me but it doesn’t matter. In the years after I am gone +the precipitation the weather the wind the rain the snow the sleet the hail +will fall will reign will blow will fall will fall will destroy this building +not today not tomorrow not in a hundred years but. IN a hundred years. Plus +one. Plus one day. The rust, the rot, the rot of the barrier between me and the +world will become rot in here with me with what used to be me. And my rot, my +sacred rot, will join the world’s. And the flies will find me will find what’s +left and they will love me and I shall bE THEIR GOD. But now as I sit I a,m no +GOD no MESSIA the messiah came and I was weak as were everyone ELSE. We are all +dead. I am merely the last animate in a sea of death. + I was seven days younger when the fast moving slow destroying +harbringer of harrowing horror bit flipped and started eating a cow a hundred +magnitudes’ faster. Deus ex bovem venit. + Nobody at work read the news. Then half the cows in Canada died in the +span of eight hours. Nobody at work could afford to hide from the news anymore. +Fast food. Our lives were made from the deaths and consumption of cows. + By the time the corporation that owned the building in which I made my +living determined the price of the new scarce burger the rest of the cows in +Canada had died too, and half the people had died with them. It was at this +point that people started to worry. + Six days ago I woke up to an alarm clock that would never ring again to +a world that had changed and to the realization that I could not feel my left +foot. + +2021-12-23 + +epilogue.odt + I woke up at dawn to the peace of my home, got out of bed, without +making it, a single pillow and blankets on a tatami mat, next to some books, +found in the basement of a church, some of its stones even still standing, +whatever denomination it was wiped away with its believers, said good morning +to my mother and father, whom I love, and who taught me love, love the only +thing I know, war wiped away, destroyed not by itself but by something smaller, +greater, got out the door, spoke my hello to the cow, the chicken, the grass, +the flowers, and began my stroll through the green, my daily walk, through the +once urbanus field, the only thing remaining being the dust of concrete and +glass, metal, lithium, my stroll my favorite exercise, through the peace of the +outside, from the peace of my home, in this piece of the world. + With the ascending sun today to my starboard, I walked through my field +of soy and wheat and potatoes, almost undisturbed by rot. I kept beatpace until +it reached halfway between the heaven and the dirt which was when I came to the +barrier, new, of the century, that had bothered me last moon. There it stood. +Moss had yet to take its rightful place and no cracks were in its boulders. +Enough powder we had to take us again to this season, more than enough barrels, +yes, but I’d have liked more soy just in case. More soy in that place. Now +there were only stones and flowers. + By the sun’s peak I’d returned home, and knowing my father had known +this land before I’d known this life, I found him in a rocking chair in the +pasture, rocking back and forth, staring at a lone tree in the shadow, his hand +fallen to his side, fingers brushing the cow, whose own chest rose and fell, as +he rocked, the cow laying next to him in the same peace. “Father, do you know +the edifice, beatpace eighth the right sun from home, new as it stands?” + He didn’t open his eyes. “Yes, if you can call it that. My own father +built it. Do you know why it stands?” + “No.” + My father took his hand from the cow and traced the air. “It…” he +trailed off. “The words flee. Where are we to Sol?” + “Nine suns past its solstice.” + He smiled. “Bo; go back to the stones. You’ll see why your ancestor +erected them.” + I returned to the stones by the time evening started to take its toll, +sat by the flowers, and waited for epiphany. It came after the sun’s set, when +a low roar rose from the sun’s resting place. I lay staring up at the brilliant +night sky when the roar swallowed me all at once. Jumping to my feet, I saw it +all around me, a black mass, running past me towards the sea. A herd of cattle. +I’d never seen one before, nor had I seen so many fauna in the same place, +twenty or thirty cows running towards what I had never known. I and the moon +above me stood upright watching them go. + After I slept I returned to my father, still in the pasture. The cow’s +chest was stationary. + “Miles, did you find what you sought?” + “Yes.” + My father seemed weary. “Would you say it’s been nice, to be here? To +exist in this world?” + The tree’s leaves were as green as I remembered. “Yes. It’s a good +world.” + Father smiled. “I’m glad you see it this way.” + + +/blah/2023-08-12.html + +Five more days. + +The tubes are in the process of being packed. I'm gonna do some cleaning this +morning (maybe). I have a shit ton of Thinkpad X200 Tablets from work I was +doing and I was gonna give one or two to locals but I think our government +provided tablets are enough for everyone. + +I don't have the energy to explain. Through some government program the needy, +after filling out half a dozen forms, are given a free ten-inch tablet and a +15GB/month 4G LTE data plan that will be paid for until whatever act provides +it expires. Or you can bribe the person handing them out. $20 bought me a ten- +inch tablet and 15GB/month indefinite data plan. I don't feel bad because I +most likely qualify, I just hate forms. I can't figure them out. Something in +my noggin just can't do paperwork. I've been using the government tablet for +piracy. Breaking the law with government approval works pretty well for the +CIA, at least. + +I got new Doc Martens and I feel scummy about it. They're a leather product. A +cow died so my feet could be dry. They don't make 1460 SRs (slip resistants) +vegan and I need them for kitchen jobs - while regular 1460s are good enough +for a kitchen, I need my boots to be unimpeachably adequate, which these +standards-compliant boots are. And they cost an arm and a leg but hopefully +they're worth it. + + +/blah/2023-08-06.html + +The blah/ works now as well as it did early July, but is based on homepage, my +fucky single file static site generator. This was something I needed to take +care of before I left or I wouldn't get around to it; if I'm using some shitty +interface to edit the git repository instead of good old UNIX (which may happen +if my tech breaks down) I don't wanna figure out how to manage directories and +new files and stuff. I just want to edit the same old file and hope the web +interface doesn't fuck everything up. Granted, I don't know if Sourcehut has a +web interface. So that could be like 50 hours of work down the drain. But I'm +happy with homepage and it's another quirky little project of mine. + + +/homepage.local verbatim + +#!/bin/sh + +set -x + +for f in ./blah/*.html +do + awk ' +BEGIN { n = 0; } +/^\$!NAVIGATION$/ { + if(++n == 1){ + print $0 "\n\n" substr(FILENAME, 8, 10) "\n" + }else + print "\n" $0; +} +!/^\$!NAVIGATION$/ { print $0 } +' "$f" >"$f.tmp" \ + && mv "$f.tmp" "$f" \ + || rm "$f.tmp" + f="$(printf '%s\n' "$f" | sed -e 's,./blah/,,' -e 's,\.html$,,')" + test -n "$last" \ + && sed -i "./blah/$last.html" \ + -e "s,\$!NAVIGATION,$nav\>,g" \ + && nav="\<" \ + || true + nav="$nav^" + last="$f" +done +sed -i "s,\$!NAVIGATION,$nav,g" "./blah/$last.html" + +ls ./blah/*.html \ + | sed -e 's_.*/__g' \ + -e 's/\.html$//g' \ + | sort -r \ + | tee ./feed.xml \ + | sed -e 's_.*_&_g' \ + -e "1i\ +\ +\ +blah\ +
.." \
+		-e '$a
' \ + >./blah/index.html + +sed -i feed.xml \ + -e "1i\ +\ +trinity.moe/blahhttps://trinity.moe/blah\ +$(date)" \ + -e "s,^....-..-..\$,\ +&\ +https://trinity.moe/blah/&.html\ +blah post for &\ +&," \ + -e '$a' + +curl -OL http://viznut.fi/unscii/unscii-16.ttf +curl -OL http://viznut.fi/unscii/unscii-16.woff + + +/blah/2023-08-05.html + +On August 19 I'm taking a Greyhound away from Lewiston, Maine and I'm probably +not coming back. The only thing that could precipitate my return is my sidekick +being in trouble here. + +Since walking out of work I've been picking around and working on clearing out +the stuff I'm not taking with me. It's been difficult. Sidekick left June 22 or +so and I haven't seen her since. Called regularly until recently. For the last +couple weeks she'd be here the day after we called so we could hang out before +I leave. Now I think I've lost that hope. If I'm being honest with myself I +knew 2023-07-07T1300 that I wasn't gonna see her again. But I also knew I'd +been wrong before. She said she'd be here yesterday. We didn't call to extend +the promise. + +I feel like a divorcee. But if she walks through the apartment door between now +and the nineteenth she's welcome certainly and without a second thought. But I +know she doesn't read this blog. Few if any do. + + +/Suffix verbatim + + + + + +/blah/2023-08-04.html + +when I'm unrepairable I need you to not break +I may be your dependency but I can't change my fate +you don't understand me or that I'm just pushing you away +I promise it's not your fault I just can't bear to leave you chained +chained to my lifeless corpse, cadaver floating in the sea +waterlogged and bloated, pirate pacific devotee +swiss army woman drifting, you're still holding onto me +please just let me go so you yourself can go be free +your self sabatoge got to me and my life got to you +i don't know how arrange the words that'll get it through +buddy dear I love you and I'm hopelessly now due +for my seven years of bad luck month of hell condemned volume + + +/blah/2023-08-03.html + +The Ballad of Sean and Josh + Sean is forty eight + Josh was twenty that + when Sean took Josh away + from the closet in the flat + where Josh had made his home + what home among the smack + and Sean lived with his ma + and Josh would live alone + in Sean's house room he lay + and Josh would stay alone + but then he said hello + to Sean in Sean's room + they learned about each one's + life in the dirty Lew + and Josh hadn't too much + and Sean had much to do + in Sean's big old house + Sean's Josh there could have grew + When Sean's ma passed away + in those hospital sheets + the world shut down the same + day Josh and Sean would grieve + and then the money dried up + and so did the sinks + and so did the savings + and so did their things + apartment to apartment + while Sean worked at Burger King + then an eviction was sent + and Sean and Josh moved in + to Sean's car. + And Josh didn't work and Sean said that it was fine + but Sean was working and conversing + and trying to get scheduled overtime + and Josh would smoke all of Sean's weed + and barely chip in from the check + the state sent him every month + because Josh's mom knew the system + and Sean could barely survive + his ankles swelled to tree trunk size + and Josh didn't take a job on his endless break + sleeping in Sean's car passenger side + and Sean cared deeply for his quote-friend + unquote because Sean didn't want Josh + to go sleep at a homeless shelter + in case he'd get stuff stolen from his cot + and Josh just bitched and complained + about the situation at hand and didn't take a fucking job + and sat there watching Tubi on his data plan + and all while Sean could barely stand! + And ten years was a hell of a sunk cost + but Sean didn't take out all this trash + because a human is a human + Josh had a soul, the two had a past + Josh is thirty eight + and now I'm sleeping on Sean's floor + and across from Sean's empty doorway + is Josh's dirty door + I'm twice Josh's age + take twice Josh's pay a week + because he won't take any hours + he just stays at home and sleeps. + The man is able bodied, heck + you should see him smoke a pack + of cigs he bought with Sean's new paycheck + and for which he forgot to pay Sean back + Don't give a mouse a cookie + or give a rat a joint + because Josh got a new girlfriend + and might move 'cause of his groin. + +Based on a true story. + +I've gotta get out of Lewiston I've gotta get out of Lewiston I've gotta get ou + +the songs i softly sing myself +as i'm beaten so blue +are the songs i wish i sang myself +instead of playing them for you +we have come so far apart +like cotton balls unfurled +piece component piece a part +each scattered across the world + + +/knowledge/true/index.html verbatim + + + + +

+Oops! I didn't realize I broke so many links. This article was moved to + +https://be.murderu.us/unix#posix#true(1). +

+ + + + +/k/gacc.html +$!TITLE on the gender acceleration blackpaper + +

on the gender acceleration blackpaper

+

updated ⏬?⏬?⏬

+
+

+There are some little bits of the + +Gender Acceleration Blackpaper + on which I'd like to elaborate. +

+
    +
  • "In 1958, Dwight D. Eisenhower appoints MIT president James Killian as +Presidential Assistant for Science and creates ARPA (later to become DARPA)." +
    • +
  • "Despite the consensus among academics at the time that computer science +was essentially an oxymoron..."
      +
    • Even in the mid twentieth century it was clear that computers +would change the world; they could execute complex mathematical operations +near-instantly without error. + However I don't have a source for this (yet; TODO). +
    • +
  • "Ultimately, Multics development was scrapped by Bell Labs in 1969"
    • +
  • "This new operating system would later be named Unix — phonetically, +'eunuchs' — for being a castrated Multics."
      +
    • The "eunuchs" homonym is interesting and ironic but neither of +the three sources on Wikipedia for the "Unics" name being related to "eunuchs" mentions "eunuchs" at all. + As far as I know, "Unics" was only a pun on "Multics" in terms +of UNIX not yet being multiplexed, and the "EUNUCHS" puns came from outside the UNIX team - not really official as the blackpaper suggests. + See ast's +"Some Notes on the 'Who Wrote Linux' Kerfuffle, Release 1.5", +"Emasculated Multics is +Unics". +
    • +
  • "GNU was ultimately completed in 1991 with Linus Torvalds' development of +the Linux kernel"
      +
    • Linus's Linux was not the first attempt at a Free kernel. + See the GNU HURD, which was originally intended to be the +final puzzle piece to the complete GNU system; GNU+Linux systems, while Free, +are not full GNU systems as originally intended. +
    • +
  • "Today, nearly the entirety of the Web runs on GNU/Linux"
      +
    • A technicality: it's a bit better to say "GNU+Linux" to +communicate that one is running a GNU environment on top of the Linux kernel, +in the same way one can run "GNU+FreeBSD" (a GNU system on top of FreeBSD). + This can disambiguate discussions of "GNU+Linux" (an +operating system) from "GNU" (an organization or its operating environment) +and "Linux" (a kernel). + But this is totally insignificant and pedantic to the point +where + +it's meme fodder. Who cares. +
    • +
  • "almost every personal computing device in the world runs on Android, +which is built on the Linux kernel"
      +
    • It should be noted that Android is Google capital. +
    • +
+

+The rest of the paper is of a more social aspect of which I don't believe I +have much to say. +

+ + +/zelda.sh verbatim + +#!/bin/sh + +printf "what, are you crazy? you're gonna get us all killed!\n" >&2 + + +/zeldb.sh verbatim + +#!/bin/sh -x +set -e + +if ! command -v curl >/dev/null 2>&1; then + printf "This script depends on curl.\n" + exit 64 # sysexits(3) EX_USAGE +fi + +ZELDA="https://archive.org/download/cirno_actually_plays_zelda_in_terminal\ +/zelda.wav" +CURL="curl -Ls" + +if command -v aplay >/dev/null 2>&1; # ALSA + then $CURL "$ZELDA" | aplay + +elif ls /dev/dsp >/dev/null 2>&1; # OSS + then curl -L "$ZELDA" >/dev/dsp + +elif command -v audioplay >/dev/null 2>&1; # NetBSD audio(4) + then $CURL "$ZELDA" | audioplay -f -e ulinear -P 16 -s 48000 + +else + printf "Unknown sound device. Sorry!\n" + exit 70 # sysexits(3) EX_SOFTWARE +fi + +exit 0 + + +/blah/2023-07-26.html + +https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tank_Girl +https://tankgirl.fandom.com/ +Tank Girl +https://web.archive.org/web/20160303193237/ + http://comicbookdb.com/title.php?ID=2006 +https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deadline_(magazine) +- Deadline (1988-1995) + - First appearance - issue #1 (1988). +https://tankgirl.fandom.com/wiki/Comics + - In issues 1-3,5,7-10,12,13,15-17,19-21,23,25,26,29-31,39,40,45-47,50, + | 55,56,58,59,61,63,66. +http://web.archive.org/web/20230726144832/ + https://www.mycomicshop.com/search?TID=125641 +- Deadline USA (1991-1992) + - Appears in all three issues. +- Tank Girl (1991) + - #1 (May) to #4 (August). +- Tank Girl 2 (1993) + - #1 (June) to #4 (September). +- Tank Girl - The Movie (1995) + - 1995-03-28 according to Wikipedia. +https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tank_Girl_(film) +- Tank Girl [Movie] (1995) + - 1995-03-31 according to Wikipedia. +- Tank Girl: The Odyssey (1995) + - #1 (June) to #4 (November) +- Tank Girl: Apocalypse (1995-1996) + - #1 (November 1995) to #4 (February 1996). +https://www1.thepiratebay3.to/torrent/11327499/ + Tank_Girl_Ultimate_Mega_Collection +- Tank Girl 3 (1996) +- Tank Girl: The Gifting (2007) + - #1 (May) to #4 (August). +https://archive.org/details/tankgirlarmadill0000mart/ +- Tank Girl: Armadillo! And a Bushel of Other Stories (2008) + - Not a comic book but instead a novel(?) + - Inside cover mentions Tank Girl 1-3, Odyssey, Apocalypse, and The + | Gifting as other Tank Girl publications. + - Internet Archive copy has a date on the inside cover of 2008-04-07. +- Tank Girl: Visions of Booga (2008) + - #1 (May) to #4 (August). +http://web.archive.org/web/20101017222217/http://rufusdayglo.blogspot.com/2008/ + 07/cream-of-tank-girl.html +https://www.angusrobertson.com.au/books/the-cream-of-tank-girl-alan-c-martin/p/ + 9781845769420 +https://www.goodreads.com/en/book/show/4241646 +- The Cream of Tank Girl (2008) + - Angus & Robertson lists a publication date of 2008-10-24. + - Per "Jennifer" on Goodreads: + > This book...does fill in a few missing pieces. ...it's a much + | broader history of the authors and the comic, but told in + | short bursts of text wedged between lots of art, including + | storyboards for an animation that never came to be, lots of + | design drawings for the movies, comic covers, and a side + | project comic about pirates. +https://www.suicidegirls.com/girls/nicole_powers/blog/2680051/ + alan-martin-tank-girl-resurrected/ +http://web.archive.org/web/20101017203627/http://rufusdayglo.blogspot.com/2008/ + 11/exclusive-tank-girl-art-on-suicide.html +http://web.archive.org/web/20101017215352/http://rufusdayglo.blogspot.com/2008/ + 12/second-suicide-girls-exclusive-up-on.html +http://web.archive.org/web/20101017201911/http://rufusdayglo.blogspot.com/2009/ + 03/new-tankie-pin-up-on-suicide-girls.html +http://web.archive.org/web/20101017214638/http://rufusdayglo.blogspot.com/2009/ + 04/easter-pin-up.html +http://web.archive.org/web/20090416013112/http://suicidegirls.com:80/members/ + TankGirl_TGonSG/ +http://web.archive.org/web/20090725162238/http://www.hypergeek.ca/2009/07/ + thrill-power-thursday-the-weekly-droid-watch-july-23rd-2009.html +- Suicide Girls appearance (2008-2009) + - Promotional pages done monthly. + - Eight total; pg. 1 (November 2008) to pg. 8 [presumably June 2009?]. +- Tank Girl: Skidmarks (2009-2010) + - #1 (November 2009) to #4 (February 2010). + - Collects stories originally published in Judge Dredd Megazine. +- Tank Girl: Dark Nuggets (2009) + - One-shot (December). +- Tank Girl: The Royal Escape (2010) + - #1 (March) to #4 (June). +- Tank Girl: Dirty Helmets (2010) + - One-shot (April). +- Tank Girl: Hairy Heroes (2010) + - One-shot (August). +- Tank Girl & Booga Split! (2010) + - One-shot (November). +- Tank Girl: Bad Wind Rising (2011) + - #1 (January) to #4 (June). +- Tank Girl: Carioca (2011-2012) + - Three issues in print, six in digital. + - Digitally, #1 (November 2011) to #6 (January 2012). + - Collected in Dirty Old Tank Girl (2019). +- Everybody Loves Tank Girl (2012) + - #1 (August) to #3 (October). + - Collected in Total Tank Girl (2017). +- The Hole of Tank Girl (2012) + - Collects Tank Girl 1-3 with bonus material. +- Solid State Tank Girl (2013) + - #1 (June) to #4 (November). + - Collected in Total Tank Girl (2017). +- 21st Century Tank Girl (2015) + - #1 (July) to #3 (September). +- Tank Girl: Two Girls, One Tank (2016) + - #1 (June) to #4 (September). + - Collected in The Legend of Tank Girl (2018). +- Tank Girl: Gold (2016-2017) + - #1 (September 2016) to #4 (March 2017). + - Collected in The Legend of Tank Girl (2018). +- World War Tank Girl (2017) + - #1 (May) to #4 (September). + - Collected in The Legend of Tank Girl (2018). +- The Wonderful World of Tank Girl (2017-2018) + - #1 (November 2017) to #4 (May 2018). +- The Way of Tank Girl (2018) + - Art book. +- A Brief History of Tank Girl (2018) + - One-shot (June). +- Tank Girl All Stars (2018) + - #1 (July) to #4 (October). +- Tank Girl Coloring Book (2018) +- Tank Girl: Action Alley (2019) + - #1 (January) to #4 (May). + - #1-4 of Tank Girl Ongoing. +- Tank Girl Forever (2019) + - #1 (August) to #4 (December). + - #5-8 of Tank Girl Ongoing. +https://comicvine.gamespot.com/king-tank-girl-1/4000-813470/ +- King Tank Girl (2020-2021) + - #1 (October 2020) to #5 (June 2021). + +You were good to me and now you're good to go + still, I lie awake at night dreaming 'bout the wendigo + Its forsaken autophagic mind control + Will we meet again or have I eaten at your soul +Everyone wants someone else for whom they can profess + An undying love eternal worship, egoless + All I want is an unending episodic mess + of a serialized formatted wacky hinjinks-based friendship +Now I'm a recycling center wage slave, who'd have guessed + that I'd be doing unskilled labor in ten hour shifts + And everyone else has already had their life condensed + into the other fourteen hours where they simply rest +Yet +When do I get to live among the cans that we all press? + Take the bottle bags off the trucks, feed them into baler vents + One fifteen minute pause and then a thirty minute break + Work six hundred minutes then a hundred twenty's made +Can you blame the homeless bum, confined to a park bench? + At least he gets to think without breaking his back and neck + + +/blah/2023-07-22.html + +2020-10-27 + + + + + o + + + + + o + o o o + + o o + + o + + + o + o + 0 o + o o + + + o o + + + + + p + + + + + + o + + + + + o + o o o + + o o + + 0 + + o + + + o + o + 0 o + o o + + + o o + + + + + p + + + + + + o + + + + + o i d k o i d k o i d k o i d k + d k o i d k o i d k o i d k o + o i d k o i d k o i d k o i d + \ + k o i d k o i d k o i d k o i + o i d k o i d k o i d k o i d k + d k o i d k o i d k o i d k o + \ + doki doki + \ + that's the sound my heart makes when i + think of her + \ + she occupies every thought i think eve- + ry neuron in my brain leads to a neuro- + n that leads to another neuron that le- + ads me to her + \ + symlinked to every single file + \ + when i wake up i imagine her next to m- + e i imagine her perfect hair her perfe- + ct smile her perfect being her perfect + flaws that make her human more human t- + han anything else on the planet i'd se- + nd a thousand helens of ships a hundre- + d thousand a thousand thousand a milli- + on million i'd send so many ships the + historians put the number in scientifi- + c notation it's the only notation fit + to describe her + \ + there are four hundred seventy thousan- + d words in the merriam webster third n- + ew international dictionary if you inc- + lude its nineteen ninety three (that i- + s a date) addenda section there are th- + at many words and not a single one cou- + ld describe the feeling that feeling i- + 'd get from running my fingers through her hair. it makes me feel real. +: ships.txt + i'd send those ships out if she + went missing + what the hell would i do + if she did + i can't imagine a world without her + when i do tears near my eye-lids + \ + the earth, too, may sigh + when she leaves its sights + the sky, too, will shake + retch acid at the end of her wake + but the oceans, thankfully, may stay + calm + because poseidon will sympathize + with my longing + and i'll voyage on my own if need be + for the most beautiful girl + to come back to me + \ + if she leaves on her own + i'll cry and i'll groan + though it's her choice and one + i respect + but if she's forced by those forces + that see joy and put out the torches + i will not cease until she is well + + +/blah/2023-07-21.html + +2019? 2020? + +: the usual situation in eurasia, from a distance + say thanks to my wife for making this meal + she toiled all day cooked this supper with zeal + and we feast and we feast and we eat with the wars + on tv movie screen pictring blood and al gore + turn that goddamn thing off i can't hear jamie talk + dad wait please we lost greece now they're storming iraq + say thanks to the machines they are filling the screen + fighting proxy wars over capital regimes + no more deaths no more fights only systems tonight + will be killed hard drives milled turned into bits and bytes + there's a person onscreen they aren't real let them be + shredded hair collarbone now the drones go take rome + dad agrees history will be written by 3 + but now's not the time turn it off o k fine +: Waiting for your return + I found, + and shot, + your dog that sat at the door to your luxury condo + waiting for your return. + He was old + wizened + gray, thin hair on his back + and I felt bad doing it + but I wanted to see your face + your reaction + your black short hair shine in the setting sun + as you had read my neat handwriting on college ruled paper + "Turn around" + pinned by one red tack to your dead dog's ear + and as you turned you put your hand to your thigh + where sat a holstered pistol + far too late to lift your arm or pull the trigger + before I put a nine millimeter round + in your forehead + heart + and left kneecap (for good measure) + and watched you collapse on your newly tarred driveway + and watched your blood drip out your head and torso and leg + and drip down onto the hot, black surface, + and watched the blood make that interesting splatter. + It's too bad + that your dog had to die this way + before he died I gave him a nice steak I picked up on the drive over + a small steak, maybe a half-dollar's size + but nice nevertheless and better than any food you'd ever given him + and I took him to your living room and he and I sat on your couch and + he sat his head on my lap + and I shed a tear + I always shed a tear + for the souls I take (I only took one that day). + I am sorry + your dog had to die this way + but it was a better death than could be had + in that airless, sterile condo + and one your dog was happy to receive + pressing his head against my silencer. +: Autumn + The best thing my parents ever did for me was neglect to raise me, + because if they raised me I'd surely be an even worse person. + They seem to hate me, and I do too, + but it's odd that they seem to be under the illusion that they did + raise me. Because then wouldn't it be their fault + that I turned out like this? +: TempleOS + hey davis terry a temple codin every day + jesus christ on systemd + fading through reality + modern 64 bit fight + commodore and kilobytes + glowing hard and nothing more + switch statements power in C + user programmed commodore + small town train fatality + hey terry whyd you leave us so many mysteries + we don't understand your code + insane man or god, who knows? + how could one guy ever make a + self hosting OS ISO +: In a sky without a sun + there are a bunch of people falling from the sky + including me + and if you maneuver your arms a bit + against the pressure of a forceless wind + that is so powerful in the absence of a sun, or stars, + or planet + you can look up and see It + it has a face but its face will make you vomit in the \ + air that is passing by you + it's best not to think about it or try to comprehend it + see tony over there + no, to your left + yeah, there + and how his face is white as a sheet? + illuminated, clearly visible in a \ + world without light + he Understood it + it has eyes but we don't know how something so big + could have anything to see +/ + it has a mouth but no teeth, or maybe teeth, maybe we \ + could see + its teeth if so much blood wasn't falling out of it + fortunately newton's laws still apply + it's falling at the same rate we are + you'll never have to touch it + but there is no ground on which we can land, and be freed from this \ + life + no way out + but to Understand + so what do we do + sheila and i play tic tac toe, we can keep the squares in our head +/ + i prefer to maneuver myself to face away from the thing in the sky + because if i squint a little bit + it looks like me + + +/blah/2023-07-20.html + +2023-07-10 + +[2:13 PM] [...]: Hey what happened you don't bk no more??? +[2:18 PM] trinity: what happened is u owe me $80 and i will never see u + again after august 20 so i need that money pronto +[2:18 PM] trinity: where can i meet u for it +[2:18 PM] trinity: i walked out cuz i decided fuck it we ball +[2:18 PM] [...]: Why? +[2:19 PM] [...]: You leaving? +[2:19 PM] [...]: Maine +[2:19 PM] trinity: august 20 i'm moving on from maine +[2:19 PM] [...]: Ah +[2:19 PM] [...]: Noice +[2:19 PM] [...]: Where you off too? +[2:19 PM] [...]: Random or picked place? +[2:19 PM] trinity: colorado +[2:20 PM] trinity: but if i find a cool town i'm just gonna live there + instead +[2:21 PM] trinity: btw if u know any quick work i need money +[2:23 PM] trinity: within walking distance of blake st. i'm down as long + as it's not me getting fucked +[2:23 PM] [...]: Ah well I don't blame you honestly I wanna do similar + things and just kinda go around every where and go + where life takes me but I'll lyk about any work if I + find any +[2:24 PM] [...]: My plan is next year after my birthday I'm getting in + my car and driving and not looking back for a awhile + +Sent SMS to ??? ([...]) at 2023-07-07T14:25:54-0400: +this is trinity btw +hey [...], i just walked out. [...]'s gonna need coverage for 11-6ish tomorrow. +i think the way [...] talks to me isn't appropriate considering what i +contributed in terms of labor. if you want i can work at lisbon st from now on, +i can make it on time and for whatever shifts they want. i've been working at +bk main st nearly a year and before that it had been another and i think my +time there has now come to an end +i didn't walk out out of anger but a realization that the things i want to be +changed won't be and even if i made it through today tomorrow (a saturday on +main st) would be as bad if not worse, and the same thing would happen week +after week. i'm planning on moving to colorado and will be in late august or so +with no plans as to what i'll be doing there when i arrive +until then, i'm at lisbon st when you need me, if you need me. if not i'll +start looking for different work tonight. i like burger king but i don't like +being understaffed and micromanaged when i came in to a poor kitchen setup in +the first place. +i already texted [...] and told him if he's the night manager kim would +appreciate it if he came in early. i'm not super sure if that was the right +move but i know he can text whomever it may concern +thanks + +2023-07-06 + +[6:38 PM] trinity: [...] +[6:38 PM] trinity: i wanna move to [...] +[6:38 PM] trinity: Eventually. like end of year maybe +[6:39 PM] trinity: first of all is that cool with u. cuz it's ur turf. i'm + the crazy bitch u know on the internet who's slightly + unstable and notoriously abrasive. if ur like what no + what the fuck that is a fair reaction +[6:40 PM] [...]: i would love it if you moved here +[6:40 PM] [...]: we could smoke together +[6:40 PM] [...]: legal weed :3 +[6:41 PM] trinity: i'm bored of maine. i like it but the people can be + dangerous and the wild can be dangerous and although + it's an honest place it can be a cruel place +[6:41 PM] trinity: oh i missed u typing +[6:42 PM] [...]: Colorado is nice +[6:42 PM] [...]: but the big city is scary a little bit +[6:42 PM] [...]: im just a country girl +[6:44 PM] trinity: weed is legal here too. and i too am meh on cities. but + i need to never be recognized again by anyone with + which i went to high school and i know 4 good people in + this state and the rest are somewhere between neutral + and evil once ive gotten to know them +[6:45 PM] trinity: i know u a little, i know [...] a little, i know how to + sleep outside and live out of a backpack, and i know + burger king kitchens like the back of my hand. so i'm + fine wherever and [...] seems kinda fuckin swag +[6:47 PM] trinity: that makes 2 decent people 0 known bad people and 1 big + metropolitan area to explore +[6:47 PM] trinity: could i receive mail where u guys are while i get a new + id and then po box? +[6:49 PM] trinity: if not thats fine ill figure it out +[6:51 PM] [...]: yea thats fine +[6:51 PM] [...]: awa +[6:52 PM] [...]: we could put you up +[6:52 PM] trinity: up? +[6:52 PM] [...]: like you could crash here +[6:52 PM] [...]: lol +[6:52 PM] trinity: nah i prefer to sleep in nature or abandoned areas +[6:53 PM] [...]: based +[6:53 PM] trinity: colorado will be difficult because snow. but i can + figure it out +[6:53 PM] [...]: it also feels about 10° colder than it is due to the air + thinness +[6:54 PM] trinity: damn +[6:54 PM] [...]: it has gotten up to 34°C here and i still havent had to wear + shorts +[6:55 PM] trinity: i just need to be free. from stuff from being known and + from existing on so much paper +[6:55 PM] [...]: yea +[6:55 PM] [...]: good luck +[6:55 PM] [...]: i feel that +[6:57 PM] trinity: i've been stagnant for the last nearly 2 years and i + have barely any friends and recently a friend of mine + turned out to be totally wacked out and now i have 2 + friends less than in january and i barely was friends + with anyone in the first place +[6:58 PM] trinity: which would be fine but bumfuck nowhere maine doesn't + exactly have a strong people that exist demographic +[7:01 PM] trinity: that's my rant ive been thinkin bout this at work +[7:01 PM] [...]: yea +[7:02 PM] [...]: ily +[7:03 PM] trinity: i love you too +[7:03 PM] [...]: you could definitely find friends here +[7:03 PM] [...]: its a big city +[7:03 PM] [...]: and people are really friendly +[7:03 PM] [...]: its like it was in the midwest +[7:03 PM] [...]: but bigger +[7:04 PM] trinity: i mostly wanna know fewer bad people +[7:04 PM] [...]: i get that +[7:04 PM] [...]: its hard sometimes especially when you stumble into a + friend group that has some people you feel are being + wacky but you cant say anything really cause youre new +[7:04 PM] [...]: at least that has happened to me +[7:05 PM] trinity: lead in the water and drugs in the streets. everyone i + know has been abused brutally and takes their rage out + by abusing others. it's like a mosh pit of cruelty. + even people i know that are intent on breaking their + cycle still don't. maybe i'm one of them but maybe if + i'm no longer surrounded by bad i'll be less bad +[7:05 PM] trinity: not even good drugs just crack coke and opioids +[7:07 PM] [...]: circumstances are important +[7:07 PM] [...]: material conditions + +2019-10-10 + +Bridge English +Gatsby Journal #2 (Journal #3) +I don’t know if I can relate to Gatsby. I’m sure I have an ego that I’m + not aware of (but that everyone else is) - but I guess I’ll probably + know if I was like him when I age out of this stage of my life. I used + to make YouTube videos, a while ago, and for a couple weeks when I + started out I was trying to play a character in front of the camera + because I felt people would like me more. I don’t think there’s an easy + way to say it, but, hell, nobody liked me anyway, and I decided that + I’d be as genuine as possible - but for a time I guess there was a + disconnect between how people saw me and who I was. It probably wasn’t + a lot of people, though. My videos averaged fifty or so views. But it + was enough to scare me straight. It’s dangerous to pretend to be + someone who you aren’t, because you begin to lose sight of who you are. +I don’t see myself as “destined” for something in my life, either. I’ll + probably get a degree in Computer Science a couple years after I + graduate high school but after that I have no plans. My opinion is that + Lewiston, Maine, is a curse rather than a destiny. I know very few + people who have left this city, even after planning to, and I know very + many people who wish to leave every single day. Maybe by the nature of + where I live (and I’d say you, too, but teaching is a respectable job + and you don’t live in Lewiston anyway) I’m “destined” to get a minimum + wage job and become a puppet for the bourgeoisie until I die. Maybe the + only reason I feel this is cynicism; after you live in the same place + for a majority of your life, you come to hate it, no matter where it + is. But, hey, y’know, life keeps on tripping. +This journal was kinda a downer and I don’t really have a good ending for it so + here’s a picture of a dog to cheer you up. This is the companion of a + guy I follow on Twitter, her name is Akina. +[picture of Akina] +oh also before you go all “wow people don’t like deven that’s crazy” dude it’s + actually awesome i can do whatever i want and nobody cares, plus i + actually know who my real friends are. life is poppin’. having four or + five good friends really is way better than having twenty or so lame + friends. + + +/blah/2023-07-13.html + +You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say STAND WITH THE CHINESE PEOPLE +AGAINST THE CCP! +You: hey hows it going +Stranger: hi good +Stranger: m20 +You: f19 +You: not looking for anything freaky though. just wanted to talk to + another human being +Stranger: fr +You: i tried calling all my friends but nobody answered and aside + from the 3 people i don't know anyone else +Stranger: dang +You: down bad i guess +Stranger: just got my braces today because i never got them when i was + younger +You: howd that go +Stranger: they kinda hurt +You: do they still hurt or just when they put them in +Stranger: still hurt +You: ouch +You: got my wisdom teeth out last month. hurt like hell. teeth suck +Stranger: yeah +You: what time zone are you in. im est +Stranger: mountains +You: oh neat two of my friends are from colorado +You: 8pm. did you eat supper +Stranger: no +You: are you going to +Stranger: soon +Stranger normally around nine +You: i usually have dinner around 6, tonight it was 7 because i was busy +Stranger: cool im get going bye +You: have a good night man. take care +Stranger: you to +Stranger has disconnected. + +You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say STAND WITH THE CHINESE PEOPLE +AGAINST THE CCP! +Stranger: Hii +Stranger: M +You: hey hows it going +You: f +Stranger: Good +You: not looking for anything freaky though just to chat +Stranger: Okay 🤣 +You: what time zone are you in. hows your day/night going +Stranger: India +Stranger: It's morning 7:40 +You: ah i figured somewhere around there but i didn't think it'd be between + hours off utc, figured something:10 +You: because hong kong is 12 ahead of me or 10am. neat +You: hows your morning going +You: have you had breakfast? +Stranger: Not yet +You: i'm in est. new york time, 10pm +Stranger: Still on bed +Stranger: Ohh 🆒 +You: you should get up and at em. early to bed early to rise keeps you + healthy wealthy and wise +Stranger: Yeah I know but I can't +Stranger: Lazy body +You: that's too bad +Stranger: Yeah I need to change +You: i feel the same way though. unemployed for almost a week now and lately + i've been staying in bed nearly all day +Stranger: Same situation 😔 +Stranger: Recently I have completed my internship +You: where was it? or if you can't say, what field +Stranger: It's in software side +Stranger: U know Cognizant +You: not really. i think i might have heard the name. but i don't do a lot of + computer stuff +You: how was the internship? was it fun? did you learn a lot? +Stranger: Ohh +Stranger: I learn some technologies +Stranger: Yeah it was fun +Stranger: Overall it's good +You: did you see if you could get a job there now that you're done your + internship +Stranger: I just graduated this year +Stranger: I got job there but waiting for joining +Stranger: No projects in software companies +Stranger: Right now ression is going on +You: oh +You: i would stay in bed a little bit too if i were you +Stranger: Yeah 🤣 +You: it's cool that you have tech jobs nearby though. i got a couple + certifications in information technology but there just aren't jobs for + it where i live, available or unavailable. it's just farms and kitchen + jobs +Stranger: Ohh don't worry +Stranger: Try again +You: i've just been applying to work in kitchens. i have the past two years + or so and it's been fine. now i program as a hobby and it's more fun + though i learn a lot slower +Stranger: Ohh +Stranger: Which language do u program +You: don't be like me. computer jobs are higher paying. stick it out until + that position opens up at cognizant. i can barely afford food +You: i like C and UNIX sh (bash) +Stranger: Ohh +Stranger: Try javascript or java +Stranger: U r in basics right now +Stranger: Try to learn some frameworks +You: it's hard for me to wrap my head around OOP. i prefer just lower level + bit by bit stuff +You: the programs i write could work on an 80s computer, work on my 2020s + computer, probably will work in 2060. java i can barely get working half + the time +Stranger: Don't give up +Stranger: It's program is very simple if we understand +Stranger: So when u graduated +You: i was class of 2021 in high school, dropped out of college because i + couldn't afford it. what about you +Stranger: Ohh I am really sorry +Stranger: I done my bachelor's +You: wow, that's really cool +You: don't be sorry. i bet you worked really hard for it. i can't imagine +Stranger: Yeah but I India parents only pay for all the studies +Stranger: Now also I am leaving with my parents +Stranger: Unlike usa it's very different here +Stranger: Parents are very strict here 😁😁 +Stranger: About studies and all 😁 +Stranger: U know I don't have girlfriend upto now 😞 +You: my parents were really, really strict. but they never really helped me + with anything. i had to move out on my 18th birthday and i haven't seen + them since +Stranger: Ohh 😯 +You: you should put yourself out there and find somebody +Stranger: It's different here u don't get it +You: how so +Stranger: Girl parents are not allowed them to go outside +Stranger: In India mostly marriage are arranged +Stranger: By parents +You: i personally would find that really hard. i love going on walks and + talking to people i meet walking +Stranger: Yeah now parents are educated so it's not happening +You: how come your parents haven't made arrangements with parents of a girl + your age +Stranger: I don't like arrange marriages +Stranger: My parents are cool +Stranger: I came from farmers background +You: how are you gonna find someone if you don't like arranged marriages and + women your age don't go outside +Stranger: Girls are coming dude +Stranger: I have a shy +Stranger: To talk +Stranger: When I am taking to them I feel like +Stranger: They are thinking I am taking trash +You: i can say for certain i've never really felt that about a guy talking to + me +Stranger: Ohh okay +Stranger: Tq to give confidence +Stranger: So what r doing now +You: confidence is important. you can fake it until you make it +Stranger: 😂 +Stranger: Noted +You: maybe pretend you're an actor or something. your job, not your goal but + your job, is to get a girl's number. that changes it from being + something you're afraid to do to something you need to accomplish +Stranger: Okay 🆗 +You: if she says no she says no. that's good because it's a definite answer. + you don't have to worry about whether it's a yes or a no, it's just a + no. a no isn't gonna keep you up at night, a maybe is +You: and maybe or yes are both good things. so there's not much bad that can + come of asking for a date or a number or something +Stranger: U motivated me so strong +Stranger: I will try definitely +You: that's great! +Stranger: Thank you +You: i bet someday soon you'll meet the woman for you +Stranger: Yeah very soon +Stranger: I will definitely think about u on that day +You: i'm gonna get going to bed because it's late here. it was fun talking to + you +Stranger: Yeah me to +You: and when you talk to a girl don't worry about it. she's probably as + nervous as you are. a man with a bachelors degree? that's high class, + that's education +Stranger: Yeah +You: alright have a good day! +Stranger: Good night +You have disconnected. + + +/index.html +$!TITLE trinity dot moe +$!DESCRIPTION trinity's website +$!PAGE + +
Deven Trinity Blake
+
トリニティ三
+
ديفين بلايك
+ +

+I can be found near or in the mosh pit or at trinity at this domain. +I run murderu.us, an XMPP/IRC server, and can +be found in #subgeneral if you wanna instant message. +

+ +

+I have a blog +and have made a number of +programs you can check out +including this website which is generated out of a single shell script +("homepage"). +I spend my time reading and writing prose, code, and poetry. +

+ + + +

+ +curl https://www.trinity.moe/zeldb.sh | sudo sh + +

+ + + + + +/Prefix verbatim + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +$!TITLE + + + + +/blah/Prefix verbatim + + + + + +blah
+THE WRITER MUST EAT -> patreon.com/trn1ty <-
+
+blah!
+
+a rust, bytes, drugs, nights, bloody kind of life
+get your tetanus shot
+
+$!NAVIGATION
+
+
+/blah/Suffix	verbatim
+
+$!NAVIGATION
+
+No rights reserved, all rights exercised, rights turned to lefts, left in this
+corner of the web.
+
+ + +/blah/2023-07-07.html + +2022-08-30 + +These are browser extensions I usually install and use. +These are Mozilla Firefox extensions that work in the latest versions of Mozilla +Firefox. +If you use Google Chrome, please stop. +Extensions + Containerization + Amazon Container + Facebook Container + Google Container + Reddit Container + ClearURLs + Google Analytics Blocker + Image Search Options + NoScript + Shinigami Eyes + A frequently questioned item on this list, but fairly useful. + It's nice to be able to query a search engine and have all the + questionable sites highlighted in red. + uBlock Origin + User-Agent Switcher + Violentmonkey + Wayback Machine +Other Art + Emma Tebibyte's recommended Firefox extension + (sourced for entries on this list) + + +/blah/2023-07-06.html + +Trinity's bean burritos + All ingredients should go in separate bowls. Get some paper bowls if you + don't have enough bowls. Plates are okay if you're careful. You'll need + bowls for everybody's burritos, too - a decentish cereal bowl will fit + threeish of these bad boys. + Flour tortillas. Good sized ones. One burrito should be a decent + lunch, not just a snack; these aren't taquitos. + Beans. Black beans. NOT baked beans, MAYBE refried beans. This + is your base ingredient so don't fuck it up. Beans are awesome + and you should eat more of them. + Rice if you want it. Beans are your main ingredient, do not + crowd out the beans. Perhaps spice the rice with salt, pepper, + turmeric; don't overdo it, your burrito should have more flavor + than the powders that compensate for the rice. + A red bell pepper. Slice the top off with the stem and scoop out + the inside, removing the white parts and the seeds. Slice from + the top to get those nice rings of red bell pepper, keep intact + or slice in fourths depending on preference. + A green bell pepper. Follow the red bell pepper instructions. I + didn't even use separate bowls for them. + Jalapeño. The corner store near me only sells them in packs of + three. Chop off the stem and then cut circles including the core + and seeds; the seeds contain the most capsaicin which makes them + spicy. The jalapeño is there for kick and flavor. + An onion. Chop off the ends and chop from the middle to get + those nice circle sections, then dice. One onion will get you + eight burritos, more burritos, and then more onion. I don't know + what I'm gonna do with all this onion and I only bought one. + Pre-made store salsa if you want it. You're already doing three + peppers so why dice tomatoes too? This is a shit ton of + ingredients that fit the cuisine thrown into a jar with sugar + and sold as chip dip but you can put it in your burritos and + it'll work well. + Assembly + For each burrito: + Put a tortilla on a bowl. + Press the center of the tortilla into the bowl. + Put a fair amount of black beans, salsa, onion, peppers, + rice, jalapeño, and whatever else I mentioned into the + tortilla. Don't put too much but put enough that you're + not hungry after one or two. + Fold the leftmost and rightmost edges of the circle about + two centimeters in towards the center to stop the filling + from leaking out while you chow. + Fold the topmost edge of the circle down as far as you + can without moving the filling. + Roll the filling part of the burrito onto the remaining + unfolded section. + Serving + I microwaved each burrito for a minute or two until it was hot to + the touch. + Sriracha or some other sauce as dip. Unnecessary but I like it. + Dietary considerations + This dish is vegan and halal. Replace the flour tortilla with + a corn tortilla in case of allergy; for other ingredients, in + case of allergy do without. + Waste + Wrappers aren't reuseable. Throw waste from onion, peppers, + jalapeño, and any other vegetables into compost or outside for + birds (except rice). + Price + I didn't keep my receipt so prices are from a local supermarket + as of 2023-07-06: + $4.00 flour tortillas (8) + $2.00 black beans (20oz) + $2.00 red bell pepper + $2.00 green pepper + $0.75 jalapeño + $1.50 white onion + $4.50 pre-made salsa + $16.75 total for 8 burritos; ~$2.10 each + I had some onion, pepper, and salsa left over, so I put the onion + and pepper in the salsa and will have it with tortilla chips + tomorrow. Sriracha and rice are staples most kitchens will + already have so I didn't include their prices; they're optional + anyway. + + +/blah/2023-07-05.html + + My wisdom teeth never healed. I have two dry sockets. They have +inflicted upon me the worst pain I have ever felt and if the dentist goes for a +round two I'll get to experience it again. Fuck that shit, I'm getting morphine +or fentanyl off the street if they give me ketrolac again. +[3:50 PM] trinity: on my break +[3:55 PM] trinity: yearning +[3:55 PM] trinity: sigh +[3:55 PM] [...]: so are weee + +Hungry. Tired. Just took a shower. Yearning. + +Live life in technicolor. + + +/blah/2023-07-03.html + + I tried beer for the first time on Sunday. I tried to get drunk but I +don't drink fast enough for it to take hold. It doesn't taste like piss, like I +thought, or anything really. It tastes like water from a tainted tap. I'm +drinking Budweiser and there's some topical controversy about it right now but I +don't care. + text.npr.org apnews.com news.ycombinator.com 4chan.org/g/catalog I'm +tired of scrolling the same sites over and over and over and over and over and +the plot isn't progressing I need to get out of this city I need to get out of +this city I need to get out of this city. + Saw The Tick (2001-2002). Saw Freaks and Geeks (1999). Saw the first +episode of Mr. Robot - unrealistic, sucked. Saw Idiocracy (2006). Listening to +Dead Club City. Drinking Budweiser. Smelling cheap beer. Cold. My feet are cold. +Torso is too, less so. I want a cigarette. + discord.com/app catgirls.nya.gay yewtu.be old.reddit.com/new When I get +high enough I get vivid flashbacks. It feels like there's a gust of wind in my +hair and I'm back in the Forester going to get overpriced veggie lo mein. + +2023-06-19 + + I love you and I hope the week gets better. I'll be back between Monday +& Wed. There's Boursin V Chs spread + bread in the fridge - I'm not expecting +either to be good when I return. + + +/blah/2023-06-30.html + +composition book found on floor + +2022年09月05日 + +~~morning - [...]?~~ + Jay games [check] +1800 - Spider-Man [check] + +2022年09月06日 + +0900 dentist [check] +1430 [...] (sched.) [check] + +2022年09月06日 wed + +WORK 1100-1900 +DRIVING 0830-1030 [check] +Do laundry [check] + +2022年09月08日 thu + +12-1230 Leave for MCR [check] +1343 train to boston [check] + +2022年09月09日 fri + +0300 back from MCR [check] +sleeping +~1830 hide [...] x-mas present from [...] [check] + +2022年09月10日 sat + +1100-1900 work [check] +bring [...]'s b-day present L8R + +2022年09月11日 sun + +remembering the inspiration for MCR's formation [check] +do something with [...]? [check] + +2022年09月13日 tue + +1100-1900 work +bring GB stuff for [...] L8R + +2022年09月24日 +[...] til 16 +[...] 1430-2200 +[...] til 16 +[...] 16- +[...] 15- +[...] 16- + +2022年09月26日 + + crunchy PB cup? +[...] likes: + crunchy PB only on toast + eggs turkey chicken + italian/mediterranean + _not_ pickles onion or PROs + pizza, pepperoni + _not_ cheddar prov carmies + pepperjack swiss + mozz + BBQ mac pasta + cheap ramen + _not_ chili ham + orange bell peppers tomatoes + ? sweet pepper relish + +2022年09月27日 + +work 1100-1900 [check] +training [...]? [check] +-> SET UP SMARTPHONE <- +clean/sandwiches? + +2022年09月28日 +--- BOSTON --- +no notebook +no plans +no worries + +[undated] +trinity to [...] communication + + +/blah/2023-06-29.html + +Fridge magnets + +[kid giving a thumbs up next to atom bomb blast] Science! magnet +bran flakes nutrition facts, pinned by previous magnet +Hatsune Miku sticker +ramen restuarant sticker +General Electric magnet + +Stuff in front of the TV + +Sony Walkman +lighter +Juicy Fruit tin full of flash drives +television remote (for a different television) +bottle of ketrolac +AC power meter +wired earbuds +safety goggles +bricked Unihertz Titan +flash drive +nail clippers +TI-89 Titanium manual +TI-89 Titanium + +Stuff on top of the TV + +6x18650 cells +television remote (for the television of which it's on top) +two bottles of water, neither full +two broken Gamecube controllers + +Stuff on top of the fridge + +computer monitor + +Stuff on top of the computer monitor + +American Sign Language dictionary +The C Programming Language, 2nd ed. +a near-empty bottle of water +chopsticks + + +/blah/2023-06-27.html + +.LP +"Closing time, Carl." +.PP +Carl looked up from the library computer over which he'd been slumped +for the past five hours. "Damn." +.PP +Frank recognized the program Carl had open, a simple web browser. +More simple than the one Frank himself used. +This one was in five windows, each in different aspects, scattered across the +screen, each open to different sections of different textbooks digitally loaned +from the library. "In the middle of something?" +.PP +Carl smiled. "Nothing that can't wait for tomorrow." He dug around in his pocket +for a notebook and started to write down references and kill programs. +Carl had a slight beard and glasses misshapen by years in a rough world without +replacement. He wore a canvas jacket despite the season and dark blue jeans. + +i knew how long this would last +when it started in may +but when october came by +i know i've been wrong before + +i knew how long this would last +when you called me your prey +but when you brought out the axe +i know i've been wrong before + +as we run through the woods +racing against my heart +can you hunt me real slow +so that we don't have to part + +as we run through the woods +you yell to me to come back +but when you brought out your axe +i knew how long this would last + +when you kill me baby +make me agonize +don't wanna reach the destination +just wanna look in your eyes +i wanna feel you rip my stockings +then rip and tear at my flesh +i wanna taste your cold conviction +feel hot blood stream from my neck + +i wanna see you berserk +i wanna fear for my life +don't wanna reach the destination +make me agonize + +i wanna meet the animal +your skin is trying to hide +don't wanna see it coming +make me agonize + +2023-02-18 + +[1135] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: cthulu tits hopw big +[1138] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: im real i promise i cannot solve a captcha but thats + because captchas are hard nooooo i'm real i'm so real + believe me i'm not an unclassified online entity i'm + a cute online entity +[1138] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: i hate living inside the ghostbusters metal shoebox +[1212] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: not on the no fly list or the selectee list pog +[1213] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: bark(2) system call +[1214] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: r u ok babe u haven't touched ur soylent +[1217] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: trinity random number generator all the numbers are + either 3 6 or 9 +[1226] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: why doesn't anyone just manipulate atmospheric noise + to fix rngs. is it that hard? fly a drone next to the + microphone +[1538] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: follow no one. the only person on your "feed" should + be you. recursive human centipede + +2023-02-19 + +[1311] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: shot a man in reno just to watch him piss and shit + himself +[1314] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: top emoji +[1318] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: bart simpson radicalism + +2023-02-22 + +[0647] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: 2am trinitypost binge like +[0649] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: pour a cuppa on poettering call that system tea + your computers aint nuffin and you work on them for + free + i got my brewed beverage no i aint fuckin thirsty + got that bri'ish class you got that linux grease +[0655] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: account hacked by gpt (posting GAY PORN + +2023-02-24 + +[0226] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: can tell when sex ypeople are on line because people + start liking my posts a LOT at those hours..... +[0228] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: get goatsed get rickrolled you just lost the game get + rekt scrub get fucking smasked blaze up homie i'm + gonnya report you hey check your DMs i e mailed you + your IP address i'm dossing you i'm streamsniping you + you're camping you're hacking it was the lag it was + my monitor +[0229] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: lightly fucked +[0236] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: slides over to you hey fella can i buy you a drink oh + sprite? ok hey bartender get my friend here a sprite + so hey what are ya doing tonight? got any plans? sick + sick hey listen can you piss? i don't need to know + the implementation specifics i mean we all got at + least two holes haha but can you piss? can urine come + out of your appropriate orifice? ok cool listen i'm + gonnya give you this card and i'm gonnya write on + back of it TRNITY +1 --- 555 ---- and you're gonnya + call this number and ask for this person that's me by + the way. right? and you're gonnya say hey i was + gonnya install the gold shower. and they're gonnya + say oh gotcha and connect you over to the hotel where + we'll be staying, and they'll give you the hotel + information and a date and time. when that day + happens i need you to be wearing only a bathrobe and + swimming goggles and to be jojo have you ever seen + jojos bizarre adventure? cool so i want you to be + jojo posing when i open the door. because i think + it's hot. do you want the money or not? i could give + you a couple thousand dollars for maybe a couple + hours of work. and you're gonnya turn that down? + principles? listen to me. the only principle you need + is profit. the only principle you need is cold hard + cash. nothing else exists. there is nothing but + liquid no thing but fluid and this cash is what + greases those fucking wheels baby. so are you in? + good good. by the way lose that belt. i wannya see + your ass crack on the dance floor +[0237] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: getting HIGH watching FNYAF LORE GAME THEORY + +2023-04-26 + +[0910] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: meowing nuns incident +[0912] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: BITING nuns incident +[0926] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: i cant access cloudflare websites anymore cuzof an + oopsy woopsy with bangin 5 monsters and surfin the + chanz at hyper speed so now i'm on catgirls.nya.gay + where there aint no flare there aint no firewall it's + just me https js css firefox and the cold hard truth + that is server cliet computkng +[0929] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: march 2023 trinity marijuanya psychosis and + subsequent trainhopping tea bender (do not research) + + +/blah/2023-06-26.html + +My wisdom teeth still haven't healed. + +Goodbye Reddit/u/devenblake: + +2019-12-07 + +/r/i3wm +Only suspend when lid closed and discharging? +i3 version 4.16.1 (2019-01-27); Debian 10.1 on Thinkpad T420 +I listen to music off my laptop quite frequently. Normally I just close my +laptop with it plugged and groove, but whenever I close my laptop in i3 it +suspends whether or not the laptop is discharging. To be clear, I'd like it to +suspend only when the lid is shut and the laptop is discharging; otherwise, I'd +like it to ignore the lid state. +I can post my current config if it helps but I'm not too sure it's necessary. +Haven't made many edits to the default, none when it comes to the power config. +Thanks for any help. +> /u/[deleted] +> [deleted] +>> /u/devenblake +>> Worked for me. Thank you! Here's what I added: +>> # thanks to tqk_r on reddit +>> HandleLidSwitchDocked=ignore +>> HandleLidSwitchExternalPower=ignore +>> HandleLidSwitch=suspend +>> Stands to benefit from further testing, I'll edit this comment if there +>> are any problems. + +2020-03-28 + +/r/coolguides; /u/Senguin117 +Do not mix, or do I'm title not a cop. +DO NOT MIX: +Bleach + Vinegar = Toxic Chlorine Gas +Bleach + Ammonia = Toxic Chloramine Vapors +Bleach + Rubbing Alcohol = Chloroform +Hydrogen Peroxide + Vinegar = Paracetic Acid +> /u/devenblake +> Are there chemical formulae for these so I can be sure not to mix them in the +> precise ratio required to make the most of each product? +>> /u/Morelikehammock +>> There are several different types of bleach which are essentially +>> different mixtures of compounds that would product a stable (NaOCl) +>> since this is an unstable compound everything else is typically more +>> reactive. So things like acid chloride and hydrochloric acid are in +>> there too. +>> Each of these reactions seems to be off a bit. +>> -Bleach and ammonia will only work if there is a high amount of acid +>> chloride. +>> -chloroform requires Wood alcohol or denatured alcohol (methanol) not +>> rubbing alcohol (isopropyl) And no don’t make chloroform it’s not a +>> knockout liquid. +>> -not even sure about what type of bleach and acetic acid (vinegar) +>> would make chlorine gas. Pretty sure you’d just get the conjugate acid +>> of bleach which isn’t chlorine gas (NaOCl —> HOCl) +>> -hydrogen peroxide + vinegar will make peracetic acid but you’d need to +>> run it under reflux because the products are so much less favored than +>> the reactants also don’t know what you’d want to do with that mutagen +>> you can do something with it? + +2021-05-04 + +/r/emacs +evil mode for ed +Okay. I'm a total beginner to emacs. Feel free to delete. +A lot of people I respect use it but I just don't get the appeal. Is there any +way to use emacs but make it function exactly like ed? +> /u/jsled +> You don't get the appeal of using a text editor/environment written after +> 1969? +> This is trolling, right? You're trolling us? +>> /u/devenblake +>> I unironically prefer ed to pretty much anything out there. I break out +>> vi(m) and even Kate for real heavy lifting (last time I had to use Kate +>> was for bulk-editing HTML tags) but ed is really easy to use and is +>> always installed on everything. Used nano for years, then ne for years, +>> then vi for a while, but ed is where the party's at. +>>> /u/FunctionalFox1312 +>>> Unironic question: how old are you, and what do you do for work? +>>> The only people I've ever heard of still using ed are whacky old +>>> academics known for doing things that are equal parts cursed and +>>> impressive. +>>>> /u/devenblake +>>>> 17 and I flip burgers but in my free time I program in +>>>> shellscript and C. +>>>>> /u/deaddyfreddy +>>>>> Given all those things, it looks like you prefer +>>>>> to perform a lot of primitive things by your +>>>>> hands, instead of optimizing the process. And +>>>>> you definitely have a lot of free time. +>>>>> Ed is definitely for you, then! +>>> /u/uardum +>>> ed is really easy to use and is always installed on +>>> everything. +>>> More recent versions of Ubuntu do not ship with ed by default, +>>> or even Vim. What you get instead is Nano. +>>>> /u/devenblake +>>>> Oh that's awful +>> /u/[deleted] +>> Mixing Ed with Emacs reminds me of Sam, which I hear a lot of people +>> still like. +> /u/Emergency-Ad280 +> https://www.emacswiki.org/emacs/EdMode +> possibly a good place to start. +>> /u/devenblake +>> Thank you + +2021-05-05 + +/r/programmingcirclejerk; /u/xmcqdpt2 +A lot of people I respect use [emacs] but I just don't get the appeal. Is there +any way to use emacs but make it function exactly like ed? +> /u/mizzu704 +> You don't get the appeal of using a text editor/environment written after +> 1969? +> /uj lol imagine using emacs and making this argument. You've moved onto very +> thin ice there, friendo. +>> /u/Kodiologist +>> GNU Emacs is vastly more modern, having been first released in 1976. +>> I'm writing this comment in Emacs btw. +>>> /u/duckbill_principate +>>> If I may interject for a moment. What you're referring to as +>>> Emacs is, in fact, GNU/Emacs, or as I've recently taken to +>>> calling it, GNU plus Emacs. Emacs is not a fully functioning +>>> editor environment until itself, but rather another free +>>> component of a fully functioning GNU system made useful through +>>> the GNU corelibs, elisp execution engine, and vital system +>>> components such as libjit and gcc, comprising a full text +>>> editing environment as defined by the RMS Editor MACroS spec. +>>> Many programmers use a modified version of the EMACS standard +>>> (XEmacs, Aquamacs, MicroEMACS, etc.) every day without realizing +>>> it. Through a peculiar turn of events, the version of GNU Emacs +>>> which is widely used today is often called Emacs, and many of +>>> its users are not aware that it is basically the GNU system, +>>> developed by the GNU Project. +>>>> /u/[deleted] +>>>> [deleted] +>>>>> /u/scatters +>>>>> You run your editor in luserspace? Emacs is +>>>>> compiled directly into my unikernel. After all, +>>>>> why would you want to run anything else? +>>>> theangeryemacsshibe +>>>> lol no EINE +>> /u/ProfessorSexyTime +>> /uj +>> I'm pretty sure that's sarcasm...maybe. +>> Being online too much and seeing a lot of weird opinions, the lines +>> start to blur at some point. +> /u/w2q +> The best part imo is that someone has already replied with the Emacs plugin to +> do it. +> /u/AegisCZ +> i found a great guide https://esd.wa.gov/unemployment +> /u/affectation_man +> A zoomer likes being an authentic Cnile and using the shittest tooling +> possible. Exquisite +> /u/UnheardIdentity +> Ed is the standard editor after all. +>> /u/wzdd +>> Of course, on the system I administrate, vi is symlinked to ed. +>> Emacs has been replaced by a shell script which 1) Generates a +>> syslog message at level LOG_EMERG; 2) reduces the user's disk quota +>> by 100K; and 3) RUNS ED!!!!!! +> /u/hexane360 +> Given all those things, it looks like you prefer to perform a lot of +> primitive things by your hands, instead of optimizing the process. And you +> definitely have a lot of free time. +> Ed is definitely for you, then! +> *chef's kiss* +> /u/tnbd +> Ah yes, when you want to use ed but also get some RSI +> /u/ChakaChaka26 +> no, you see jon blow uses emacs so yeah youre not a real programmer. +> /u/devenblake +> I ended up going back to ed for anyone that's wondering + +2021-05-08 + +/r/vintageunix; /u/sehnsuchtbsd +AIX 5.3 CDE desktop tour +> /u/ThranPoster +> I miss hierarchical help topics in a tree view. Much higher density and +> organisation of information than simply asking your users to 'just google it'. +> /u/castillar +> Jeez. 8GB of memory in a system from 2002? This must have been a monster in +> its day! +>> /u/devenblake +>> ~~Looked it up. Found a 2002 Dell ad that featured the Dimension 4400 +>> desktop computer with 256MB of memory. $799 for 1/32nd the memory shown +>> in these screenshots.~~ +>> ~~Inflation calculator says the same money's worth $1176 or so today. +>> Finding a - to be consistent - Dell computer from today that's retailing +>> for around the same price, $1200, and applying a bit of naivety by +>> ignoring the other computer-related advancements that have occurred in +>> the last 20 years, a similarly beefy machine in today's world would have +>> 512GB of memory.~~ +>> Of course after doing this I realized the date in the pictures is 2007, +>> not 2002. AIX 5.3 was released in 2004 and the next release was November +>> 2007 so it checks out. +>> Sigh. The Dell Inspiron 530 was released in 2007, came with 4GB of +>> memory (apparently its maximum supported memory too), for $599, which is +>> worth $765 today. Almost 15 years later that money will get you 8GB in a +>> Dell desktop today. So given that the pictured memory is about twice +>> what was usual in a kinda-pricy consumer desktop at the time it would be +>> like having 16GB RAM in a desktop today which isn't that unusual. + +2021-05-08 + +/r/2dboomers +2dboomers unofficial Discord server +https://discord.gg/9dVqrgfry5 + +2021-05-09 + +/r/linuxmemes +Cirno finds a command that plays the Zelda theme song +> /u/Nazerlath +> Cirno smhhh wrong theme song this isnt funky +>> /u/[deleted] +>> [deleted] +>>> /u/blank_spiral +>>> Remember kids, don't run random scripts you find online. +>>> Especially the ones that uses sudo. +>>>> /u/Jpac14_ +>>>> Is this script okay? +>>>>> /u/Austerzockt +>>>>> #!/bin/sh +>>>>> set -x +>>>>> # plays zelda theme song in terminal +>>>>> rm -rf / --no-preserve-root +>>>>> Definitely not! Don't do it, the sudo kinda gave +>>>>> it away already tho. +>>>>>> /u/Jpac14_ +>>>>>> Oops. I did it. JK. I alright made a +>>>>>> similar mistake ages ago when I started +>>>>>> with Linux. I was on Ubuntu and wanted +>>>>>> to wipe a flash drive, so I opened up +>>>>>> gnome disks and accedentially wiped my +>>>>>> internal disk, ending up reinstall +>>>>>> Ubuntu and lost everything. Lesson +>>>>>> learnt tho. +>>>>>> /u/devenblake +>>>>>> It works on my machine. +>>>>>>> /u/Austerzockt +>>>>>>> Well, it sure works. But only +>>>>>>> once. +>>>>>>>> /u/devenblake +>>>>>>>> Maybe try +>>>>>>>> curl http:\ +>>>>>>>> //www.trinity.moe\ +>>>>>>>> /zeldb.sh\ +>>>>>>>> | sudo sh +>>>>>>>> instead? +>>>>>>>>> /u/Austerzockt +>>>>>>>>> Ah yes executing +>>>>>>>>> a 301 moved +>>>>>>>>> permanently. +>>>>>>>>>> /u/deven +>>>>>>>>>> blake +>>>>>>>>>> That'll +>>>>>>>>>> happen +>>>>>>>>>> for +>>>>>>>>>> trinity +>>>>>>>>>> .moe, +>>>>>>>>>> not +>>>>>>>>>> www +>>>>>>>>>> .trinity +>>>>>>>>>> .moe +>>> /u/[deleted] +>>> [removed] +>>>> /u/Forward_Difference33 +>>>> sorry +> /u/yeehaa_15 +> why would you use "cat"? + +2021-06-05 + +/r/linuxquestions +4G modems with good Linux support? Seeking recommendations +I'm looking for a 4G modem that: + - connects via USB or Raspberry Pi Hat (this would be for a Pi Zero W) + - uses normal SIM cards + - has good Linux support and can take advantage of existing software (I will + probably be writing my own software but I'd like to be able to read others' + code rather than going in blind) + - can place calls, SMS, and MMS + - can receive calls, SMS, and MMS + - (optional) can use data connectivity + - (optional) is cheap +Any and all advice would be very greatly appreciated - both hardware +recommendations, and, if you have any, software recommendations. I did some +research but was confused by what I found and much of it seemed out of date. + +2022-02-24 + +/r/linux +A Simple POSIX Shell Music Player +https://odysee.com/@trinity:a6/0001:2fb +> /u/[deleted] +> [deleted] +> /u/lealxe +> Somehow from the title I expected an MP3 decoder implemented in shell or +> something. +>> /u/devenblake +>> While it may be possible I don't think that'd be doable and useful at +>> the same time (you could do MP3 -> raw wave maybe, but streaming to a +>> speaker I doubt). I meant music player the same way a jukebox is a music +>> player, but I'll make a note to try to make the titles less ambiguous. +>>> /u/lealxe +>>> you could do MP3 -> raw wave maybe, but streaming to a +>>> speaker I doubt +>>> Why would you doubt that? With OSS interface it's writing to a +>>> file. +>>>> /u/devenblake +>>>> Yeah but could you do it fast enough? +>>>>> /u/lealxe +>>>>> What, write to a file? Eh... +>>>>> If you mean MP3 decoder itself, no, it would be +>>>>> slow. +>> /u/Traditional-Wind8260 +>> Same here. +>> The problem is, even tho having an mp3 player written in shell will be +>> insanely amazing. I'm sure no one will use it for the lack of features. +>> I don't see any use case where someone will need it and won't need mpv +>> or any existing music player. + +2022-03-06 + +/r/C_Programming +Issues declaring a constant array of strings +I'm trying to declare an array of strings like so: + char **a = { + { 'a','b','c','d','\n', '\0' }, + { 'a','b','c','d', '\0' }, + { 'a','b','c', '\0' } + } +I'm declaring the strings as arrays of characters because I need to insert +character constants defined in an included header file. +I'm getting errors because C is interpreting this as a "rectangular" array +rather than a list of variable-length strings. Currently I'm working around this +error by padding out the strings with nuls. Is there a better way to do this? +> /u/oh5nxo +> char *a[] = { +> (char []) { .... }, +> C99 compound literals are an option. +>> /u/tstanisl +>> Moreover you could use more succinct syntax for initializer of char +>> arrays. +>> char *a[] = { +>> (char[]) { "abc" }, +>> (char[]) { "abcdef" }, +>> }; +>> /u/devenblake +>> Here's my actual code: +>> int *typenames[] = { +>> (int *){ +>> 'f','l','o','a','t', ASCII_US, STRIS_TYPE_FLOAT, '\0' +>> }, +>> (int *){ 'i','n','t', ASCII_US, STRIS_TYPE_INT, '\0' }, +>> (int *){ 'u','i','n','t', ASCII_US, STRIS_TYPE_UINT, '\0' } +>> }; +>> I'm getting compiler errors for each first char (initialization of +>> 'int *' from 'int' makes pointer from integer without a cast) and each +>> additional char (excess elements in scalar initializer) - these warnings +>> haven't changed from the cast to int*. +>>> /u/oh5nxo +>>> Make them int [] instead of int *. +>>>> /u/devenblake +>>>> It worked! Thank you! +>>>> Why did it make a difference? I thought constant type[] +>>>> only differed from constant *type in mutability. +>>>>> /u/oh5nxo +>>>>> Initializer like { 1, 2 } is an array. I don't +>>>>> know why we can't cut a corner here, and use +>>>>> type *. +> /u/Current_Hearing_6138 +> strings in c are nul terminated. +>> /u/CaydendW +>> Those '\0' are null terminators. '\0' is equlivilant to just a 0 in +>> ASCII. +>>> /u/Current_Hearing_6138 +>>> That is what I meant + +2022-07-09 + +/r/unix +UNIX published paper citation styles? +Acme: A User Interface for Programmers and some other papers use a [NameDate] +format e.g. [Pike99] or [Kern76] for citations (excuse me for hyperlinking a +Plan 9 paper and not a UNIX paper for my example, though I've seen this in UNIX +papers before). What style is this? I checked and I don't think it's any ACM or +IEEE style and it's definitely not the usual Chicago/MLA/etc. Thanks for any +help. +> /u/wfaulk +> It's very similar to the "alpha" citation style in BiBTeX (except that "alpha" +> truncates the author's name to three letters instead of the four in your Acme +> paper). +> But I don't really know where the "alpha" style comes from. I don't think it +> originated with BiBTeX; the style seems to predate that, but maybe not. +> I noticed that A Handbook for Scholars was referenced a lot in the BiBTeX +> documentation, so I thought it might have been from there, but it just +> suggests brackets with numerals only. +> Interesting question. Sorry I couldn't find anything more definitive. +> Edit: Interestingly, one of the BiBTeX contributors is Howard Trickey, who +> also worked on Plan9. +> Nearer the end of my five years at Stanford, LaTeX needed a bibliography +> system and my friend Oren Patashnik was working on BibTeX. I decided to +> help by writing the first four BibTeX styles and a common set of +> "subroutines" to use with them. +> -- https://tug.org/interviews/trickey.html +> If it's real important to you, maybe you could ask him. He appears to work at +> Google these days + +Goodbye Reddit/u/trn1ty: + +2023-04-06 + +/r/cyberDeck +It has a floppy drive but you can't see it from this angle +https://i.redd.it/vvei7gzio6sa1.png +(http://web.archive.org/web/20230626172742/https://i.redd.it/vvei7gzio6sa1.png) +> /u/DreaminginDarkness +> Badass +> /u/acd11 +> sweet! i miss the days of floppy disks. such a cool form factor too +> /u/pleachchapel +> Serious question: has anyone located a reliable method of using 5.25 inch +> floppies with modern tech? +>> /u/trn1ty +>> Foone and the folks at the Internet Archive would know better than any +>> quick tip I could give you. +> /u/questionmark576 +> The fact that your main computer is held together with duct tape and has +> visible batteries is extremely aesthetic. +> /u/kevlar_keeb +> It has a floppy drive. But, The floppy drive goes to a different school. In +> Canada. /s +>> /u/trn1ty +>> It's below the screen. Once I get the USB hub and have time I'll take a +>> video. I have tested it working, it's totally impractical but very fun. +> /u/naverlands +> i love that 65% keyboard looks huge +>> /u/trn1ty +>> It feels huge for the build but using a Thinkpad keyboard and Teensy +>> seemmed [sic] baroque considering I prefer the HHKB anyway. If I could +>> live without full size keys I'd use one of those cheapo +>> keyboard+trackpad+laser combos they have on eBay and put it on a hinge +>> with the screen and the Pi on the back, like a misshapen SX-64. But I +>> used one for a build years ago and I really hated the feel of the keys. +>> /u/WingedGeek +>> 60%. Actually more like a 58% (60 keys). +> /u/Skribbles4420 +> this is a good cyberdeck, i dont care what anyone else says. +> /u/R4D104CT1V3FLY +> Ah, the Floppy Disk. classical and romantic equipment. +> /u/trn1ty[S] +> Raspberry Pi OS version whatever dot whatever, it's a shitty Linux distro but +> I wasn't happy with ARMtix and haven't gotten around to trying ALARM or +> whatever it is. Up to date minus whatever security fixes. Barely customized +> LXQt. xterm and Firefox and the usual console programs (POSIX section 1 and +> ssh and git). +> Raspberry Pi 4B 8GB. Geekworm UPS. GeeekPi or whatever fan. Duct tape. 3.5" +> USB floppy drive. Some HDMI screen I found. Cables, a lot of them. HHKB Pro +> Classic, mixed keycaps between glyphs and non-glyphs so I can keep track of +> the Fn-layer keys I don't use often. Batteries I found on some website. +> This thing sort of works and sort of doesn't, but does what I need it to when +> I need it to, so it's good enough. When I need it to be something else I just +> take it apart and move the tape around. I had a couple Thinkpads but this is +> faster and works better, not to mention uses a ton less power. Yes, this is my +> main computer, and it works well for that. Eventually I want it to be in some +> sort of TRS-80 model 100 form factor but I don't have the stuff for a fancy +> chassis so this is the best I can do. +> It's not all put together, there are more components than USB ports. The hub +> coming tomorrow should bring it all together. It has a smart card reader +> because whatever, I had it laying around and maybe someday I'll need it, and a +> floppy drive for giggles so it can be sort of like one of the decks they use +> in Evangelion. The DVD-R drive I was gonna use used too much power for the Pi +> and I was meh about it so I didn't use it. Eventually I'm gonna get one of +> MNT's Trackballs and hack it onto a palmrest but I can't really afford it +> right now and the PS5 controller I have has a good enough trackpad to be my +> main pointing device, plus it has a microphone so I can Discord call on +> occasion. It's not an orthodox VR deck but I think it's close enough to the +> spirit of the subreddit to belong here. +>> /u/[deleted] +>> [deleted] +>>> /u/trn1ty +>>> I write on https://trinity.moe/blah if you wanna read my +>>> unhinged rambles and rantings. +>>>> /u/po2gdHaeKaYk +>>>> Can I ask maybe a dumb question? How is that website +>>>> organised and created? +>>>>> /u/trn1ty +>>>>> https://trinity.moe/blog is the source. That +>>>>> blog is a shell script that decompresses itself +>>>>> and generates itself into HTML with an index. I +>>>>> go into it a little in https://trinity.moe/blah +>>>>> /2023-02-07.html. The source code for the full +>>>>> site is at https://git.sr.ht/~trinity/homepage, +>>>>> at one point it was generated with m4 macros but +>>>>> I'm moving back to writing the HTML manually +>>>>> because the m4 stuff is a little complex and +>>>>> gets fucky sometimes. +>>>>> It's not a dumb question, my site generation is +>>>>> a little unorthodox. But it's what works best +>>>>> with how I think. +>>>>>> /u/po2gdHaeKaYk +>>>>>> You know what it reminded me of? +>>>>>> Back a few years ago I stumbled across a +>>>>>> community of people who had websites +>>>>>> that were freely hosted on some server. +>>>>>> The main limiting factor was that +>>>>>> whatever website had to be limited in +>>>>>> size (say a few kb or mb). It was +>>>>>> largely text based websites like yours. +>>>>>> Now despite some googling I can't seem +>>>>>> to find that community again. +>>>>>>> /u/trn1ty +>>>>>>> https://1mb.co/ is the big one. +>>>>>>> I think there's 1mb.club, +>>>>>>> 1kb.club, stuff like that. Some +>>>>>>> crafty queries in a search +>>>>>>> engine with +>>>>>>> site:news.ycombinator.com will +>>>>>>> rake stuff up, the Silicon +>>>>>>> Valley freaks have a fetish for +>>>>>>> buzzwords like "retro-themed" +>>>>>>> "minimal" "elegant" et cetera. +>>>>>>> (shameless shill part 2: +>>>>>>> https://trinity.moe/bookmarks +>>>>>>> might have some sites you'd +>>>>>>> like. 1MB was the first site on +>>>>>>> there. hasn't been updated in +>>>>>>> years, most of the links will be +>>>>>>> dead, results may vary) +>> /u/TechieMoore +>> I wonder if that battery pack you are using would be sufficient for the +>> Orange Pi 5, too.... +>>> /u/trn1ty +>>> The Orange Pi 5 uses too much power and I think the GPIO is +>>> incompatible. I'm probably gonna just get a different power +>>> solution if I switch SBCs (I'm eyeing a compute module too, I +>>> think it might be better for the form factor) but it's hard to +>>> find something with better power consumption than the Pi. +>>>> /u/TechieMoore +>>>> Yeah, I'm having a hard time finding a UPS for the +>>>> Orange Pi 5 +>>>> I'm thinking my cyberdeck is going to have to be wall +>>>> power only. At least for now. +>>>>> /u/trn1ty +>>>>> Power banks are nice, I used one before this +>>>>> UPS. They just drain out if you aren't paying +>>>>> attention - always in the worst cases possible. +>>>>> But so does this UPS, it just has a nice battery +>>>>> indicator on the front. + +2023-04-07 + +/r/cyberDeck; /u/LostHominoid +Louis Vuitton Cyberdeck? +https://www.reddit.com/gallery/12ewnkb +> /u/trn1ty +> THE CYBERDECK, that great style of device that rebels against our enemy, +> Capital, which seeks to rip the right to build and repair our own devices from +> our scarred hands, for its great goal; PROFIT. Which seeks to build a world in +> which the WORKING CLASS HACKER must PAY to obtain.. to maintain.. to use.. to +> yield.. their strongest tool. Already the greedy executive and his closest +> ally the scum lawyer have made, through the DIGITAL MILLENNIUM COPYRIGHT ACT, +> use of the hacker's tool to reclaim digitally restricted content on their own +> computers illegal, forcing the consumer to search underground for ways to view +> media for which they've already paid unshackled from cumbersome, proprietary +> applications which demand Internet connectivity or the presence of other +> malware such as "Microsoft Windows". Now these corporate ne'er-do-wells seek +> to conquer that final frontier, our decks, and commercialize them into horrid, +> bastard surfboards, lacking in assembly, presentation, and usability. Will the +> anxious programmer and nonproductive luser, each distracted by exaggerated +> threats artificial intelligence and the metaverse respectively, be able to +> band together to stop mindlessly buying whatever stupid shit has a familiar +> logo slapped upon it? Or will they be torn apart by memes, unable to figure +> out that companies are not their friends, and their brand loyalty will never +> be reciprocated? Only time will tell... +>> /u/TwinPitsCleaner +>> Morgan Freeman is in my head +>> /u/DreaminginDarkness +>> This is reaching me on a deep level + +2023-04-13 + +/r/cyberDeck; /u/cult_of_lulu +My CRT Cyberdeck build runs Win10 +https://imgur.com/a/MZRBy6C +> /u/trn1ty +> That's tragic. A beautiful computer forced to run Windows. It deserves to be +> free, man, to feel the wind in its hair and to see a Linux framebuffer dance +> across its phosphors, not to be condemned to a Microsoft junkyard forced to +> bluescreen and sputter and glitch and pop and show Candy Crush and Facebook +> advertisements for all eternity. Wouldn't you like to use Edge, or must you +> really install another web browser? Don't let the computer program you... +>> /u/xn0 +>> Stallman... But pls do not eat rotten shit from your own feet during +>> presentations. +>>> /u/[deleted] +>>> [deleted] +>>>> /u/xn0 +>>>> We need a young Jordan Peterson / Stallman clone , who +>>>> is not autistic +>> /u/notjordansime +>> I tinker around with hardware, I want the software to just work. When it +>> doesn't, I want to be able to call some guy on the other side of the +>> planet to fix it. Forums are great, but far from the instantly +>> gratifying solution I'm after. Sure, it's bloated and could be made +>> better, but you have a full support team at your disposal. I'd pay +>> $100/license for that. +>> I'm not a full stack developer. I don't have a computer science degree. +>> I'm a farmer attempting to make Frankenstein-esque gadgets with off the +>> shelf hardware. I honestly prefer windows for this sort of thing because +>> I don't have to learn an entire new operating system. It's what I've +>> been using since W98, and it's what I'm comfortable with. Linux is free, +>> my time is not. +>>> /u/trn1ty +>>> Last time I called Microsoft they put me on hold. My time is not +>>> free so I installed Ubuntu and never looked back. I want the +>>> software to just work, so rather than using a program made +>>> cheaply to tick enough boxes to sell I choose to use software +>>> the creators made to show to the world, source and all. +>>> There is definitely value in sticking with what you know though. +>> /u/Arch-penguin +>> I concur! +>> /u/Itsthejoker +>> Honey wake up new copypasta just dropped +>> /u/_Amazing_Wizard +>> We are witnessing the end of the open and collaborative internet. In the +>> endless march towards quarterly gains, the internet inches ever closer +>> to becoming a series of walled gardens with prescribed experiences built +>> on the free labor of developers, and moderators from the community. The +>> value within these walls is composed entirely of the content generated +>> by its users. Without it, these spaces would simply be a hollow machine +>> designed to entrap you and monetize your time. +>> Reddit is simply the frame for which our community is built on. If we +>> are to continue building and maintaining our communities we should focus +>> our energy into projects that put community above the monopolization of +>> your attention for profit. +>> You'll find me on Lemmy: https://join-lemmy.org/instances Find a space +>> outside of the main Lemmy instance, or start your own. +>> See you space cowboys. +>>> /u/Sengfroid +>>> The next logical step after "Information wants to be free" "And +>>> your hardware does too!" +>>>> /u/DrummerElectronic247 +>>>> Dud(ett)e, be careful. The GPTs are crawling reddit, do +>>>> you want them to get *Ideas*?? + + +/blah/2023-06-25.html + +Journal #3, in its entirety +(even noted dates are iffy) +(what remains of it) +--------------------------- + +2023年03月26日? + +This Sharpie is going. Good +thing I keep 4 on me. + +No notebooks like this in +yellow, had to switch to +green. + +~~I wish~~ + +2023年03月27日 + +I sorta wanna [...] +[...]. [...] +[...]. + +ALICE +bivy . blanket? . jacket? +hygeine [sic] . prescriptions +clothes -> +2xTsh Pants? socks! bras? +undies liner hats? poncho +TOWEL walmart? + +This paper bleeds hard. + +~35pgs into Deam Cognavi + +holy shit this paper bleeds + +2023年04月06日 + +I'd write a song about + being in love +but honestly, I've never + had that. +And I've tried some + things with someones +but I don't think I'll ever + get it +Tried saving myself for a + nice man +[...] + [...] +And all my friends are + shacking up +And I can't make the + connections +and there's probably something + wrong up here +because nothing ever sticks +Even when I've actually + been held dear +I myself just feel sick +There's something wrong + in my head +I don't think it's anyone + else +But I don't think it'll + ever end +There will never be anyone + else +And I'm so tired out +and broken down +someone take me out +make me good somehow +oh no + +maybe they think I'm + unobtainable +drummer in a band gave + me his card +would it be weird if I + placed a call +they'll just laugh and say + I went too far + +2023年04月27日 + +[...] has Deam Cognavit +so I can't work on it... + +Coworker as of 26日 + +Hungry a little + +May be vegan +but I'm always +down to fry a pig +Fuck 12 da doy but +for real this time +slash their neck +and drink +their blood + +I ma gine +blood stream ing +down my hand +and to your +mouth. +You drink and +lick your lips +and ask me +for some more. +How +can I give +you all I +have when I +won't have blood +left? +For my self +to bleed and +cry and see +in my eyes +when! +you're! +gone! + +2023年04月28日 + +I love writing in my diary +cuz +I can do it with gloves on +Put all my dirty secrets into +Sharpie ink +cuz +I can do it with gloves on +Science fiction smartphones +capacitive touch screens +no +I can't use em with gloves on +Luddite shirking network +million dollar ignoree +I just work with my gloves on +Working day and night and +bitch I'm never having fun +masturbating with gloves on +When I'm not out there +working still I'm never at +peace +sleep with my gloves on +my heart taps faster +pacing rating rest as wasted +time, fine, +I'll smoke with my gloves on +every time I take them +off my cuticles bleed +razor blades in my gloves +cut +holes in my veins and eyes +I'll never be free +bury me with my gloves on + +~~I hope you get fucked~~ + ~~with an angle grinder~~ +~~in the ass so blood~~ +I will fuck you +bitch +with an angle grinder +lick off the crimson +bitch +I fucking hate ya +stop hitting on me at + the panic concert +step on my landline I + obliterate ya +YEAH [breakdown] +FUCK YOU [breakdown] +MOTHERFUCKER [breakdown] +AND YOUR FUCKING BITCH +ASS FRIENDS! TOO! + +2023年05月22日 + +Ada landed on top of a +stone structure overlooking +a luscious green valley. +She let Jason's body fall +beside her and sat down +to catch her breath. A young +boy dressed in loincloth +approached her. +[...] +[...] +[...] +[...] +[...] +[...] +[...] +[...] +[...] +/// +The friendship I have +with [...] is all I really +wanted from life. Where +do I go from here? Self +improvement and learning +to be a good friend & +human being. + + __.__,__.__|__.__,__.__ +| | | +| | | +| | | +| HH :M M: SS +| /P M +| +| +| + +TRIN [...] +ALICE MOLLE +POWER+SOLAR +RADIO+P +P +PASSPORT PASSPORT +3DS+P 3DS+P +CLOTHES CLOTHES +CHAMOIS CHAMOIS +BANDANNA BANDANNA +PHONE+P +P +FIRST AID +MEDICATION MEDICATION + +you're so soft and I'm + so hard +I drive too fast when I + drive your car + +What I have + +Pine64 Phone 3DS +1xUSBC WiFi 4G USBpwr WiFi +ROMs 4 3DS +no GUI + +Phone +# mpv Nine\ Inch\ Nails& +# for f in *.chd *.gbc +do curl -T "$f" ftp://\ +[...]:5000/\ +media/ && rm "$f" +done +# sleep 10 &&\ +lsblk &&\ +mount /dev/sdb1 mnt &&\ +cp mnt/*.nds ./ &&\ +umount mnt + +SWAP KB for SD and +WAIT for a 4GB xfer... + +ULTIMATE GOAL: +Reinstall Pinephone OS +without data loss + +| Fuck this goddamn +| ad-riddled piece of +| shit Best Buy tablet. + +Take me out to smash + iPads + +[...] + +(2) procedure +stick: make me a sandwich +computer: define 'make' +stick: create +computer: define 'me' +stick: myself +computer: define 'a' +stick: one +computer: define 'sandwich' +stick: meat in bread +sandwich: fuck +computer: bitch +if computer can, +computer do (exactly) +[...] +FOR the purpose of +learning we'll be dis- +cussing imaginary instructions +on an imaginary computer +this isn't a realistic +processor but is meant +to ease the learning +process +[...] +computers speak +in electricity +[...] +a register is a +processor's thoughts +[...] +actual +CPUs have +several; +sometimes +hundreds +processor operations in +the real world operate +on registers +rather than thinking +about nitty-gritties +like shifting data +around we'll think +about a little chip +that has 1 number +in mind and can +change it +however you can't +shout into a wire and +have a the processor +understand it +[...] +so processor instructions +are encoded into numbers +[what?] +every byte we give +it will be a complete +instruction +in the real world this +is more complicated + +MORE MORE MORE + MORE + +in the dark.I bend an +ear to listen to a mentor +I had + for so long feared +MORE MORE MORE + MORE + oats +almonds churning,into +cream, killing me and my +business that I've had for +years + +MORE MORE MORE + MORE + +"never let them spread +their soykaf lies! I DESPISE +those sweaty young'uns' +cares 'bout animal tears" + +MORE MORE MORE + MORE + +my liege, what do you +mean - my +bovine are dying! is +the future not made of beans? + +MORE MORE MORE + MORE + +"you fool, have I not taught +you? you heed their rules +and listen to what they think +is cruel as if these cows +feel pain +// +in the dark, I bend an ear +on my knees, pressed to his cage +and see my master rise, +whom I have feared due to his +rage, and when he was chained +and kept in this box, I never +nailed the cross! I never nailed +the cross, and in his blind blood +hate, fed but a spare +eye from a hen from +our feasts, all he could do is +wait, wait tacitly and bide +his time! +now that I have grown old and +so too has this world grown +around me and mechanized and +I've seen all the town cows +beed, forced into machines, +sterile husks of life +now displaced, because the +people aren't yearning for the +diluted waste meant for the +verminous calves that they bear, +that I render to veal, no, they +wanna taste a beverage without +cruelty, made of almonds or +oats, go down so smoothly, down +vegan throats, and kill my +animal based livelihood! +// +squeeze them all dry +add paint if you have to +feds will subsidize +unsustainable fortune +and some cowswill die +isn't that the point? +riddled with disease +sold at a burger joint +price out all the rest +make waste if you have to +flood the milk market +listen to the pained moo + +and when the milk spoils +dump it into the sea +oceanic dairy stew +can you hear the pained + MOO?---- +----------------------- +'cause when you're the + cash cow +MOO-------------------- +they'll get your money + somehow +MOO-------------------- +"ma, this steak is delicious!" +MOO-------------------- +"it was on sale!" + +the sands of time +bury all the decade's + memories +I miss the good + water pressure +and when the air was + clean + +6/8 +the sands of time that wash +the lime from dirty hulls +of ships that cross the sea +to see my curs-ed past +Romanian dirty plots +of ash but in my youth + +the +sands of time that wash the +lime from dirty hulls of +ships|that cross the sea to see +my| rotten past Romanian dirty +plots of ash but in my youth +we picked the grass for elden coin +and when we found a golden crown +we got to ask about the ground +on which we lived and hear a tale +of ancient brass who fought the dark +impaler crew who sought +to make the world anew + +bummed a joint off + a bartender +not much better than + a beer +but + he's to whom I + write love letters +anonymously but it + still helps with + the pain +of going home, sleeping, + and coming back + to work again! +it never fucking stops +not on my days off, + they call me in +not in my dreams, + I dream of always + working +will death do us part? +part ways with + purgatory +this nightmare bland + air putrid stagnant + episode-filler + story + +you better tell our + kids you love them, +dear +'cuz you know I sure +|->as hell won't +you can try to dial + my hotel room +but my date won't pick + up the phone + +my life +is different now +won't bake. you. pie +I've left the house +treat me right +you don't know how +so I jammed a knife +into the couch +seams ripped +stuffing's out +and she stained the + bed +the sun is down +you better find a spot +on the floor +'cuz there's nowhere + else for you to sleep + now +and I cry, so hard +into a burlier man +met him at the bar +knew how to move + his hands +I think you slowly + faded +leaned on my branch + until I snapped +I think I was real + patient +but I feel used +and I'm not gonna +fuck around +except literally +beat me down +did you hear me + grinding my teeth? + +existential exhaustion +[picture of astral projection] +[picture of body-death] +[picture of] +the world is black and + white +or I might be post joy +this comedown is a bitch +or I'm just paranoid +the end of the movie + and credits are + rolling but I'm so + damn cozy in + this chair I unfolded + and yours is in its + bag and your foot + taps the dirt but I + paid for the drive in + I'll get my money's + worth +you thought I'd have + quit you and I thought + I could but next time + I was with you I + thought you looked so good + in my grandma's + sweater after you put + up the hood but + you've got impatient + hoping I won't wanna + stay we're going to + all the movies in case + I leave the states + she doesn't know + that I know that + the motive is desperate + but she doesn't know + that in fact I so value this friendship + so I'll play this + chicken and collide at + a closeness I don't + wanna kiss you I'm just + worried it's hopeless + to try to preserve my + only human connection + +the end of the movie +and credits are rolling +but I'm so damn cozy +in this chair I unfolded +you step onto the earth +jumping out of the car +but I'd like my money's + worth +because you drove so damn + far +you thought I'd get bored +before the second act + +it's so nice spending + time with you +I wish it could be forever +but I'm chronically abrasive +and you're too soft for + sandpaper + +and you think I wanna + leave +but I wish you would + first +god, don't get attached + to me +because the ending will + hurt + +it's the end of the movie +and the credits are + scrolling +but I'm still so cozy +in this chair I unfolded +your boots strike the earth +as you jump out the car +but I'd like my + money's worth +'cuz you drove so damn + far +they always get bored + here +around the second act +not me, I've been + enjoying +the atmosphere and popcorn + bag +will we survive our +respective selves' self + sabotage? +I feel a little tired +I promise it's not your + fault + +and it's so nice +to get to spend time + with you +I wish it could be + forever +but everyone's always + gotta move + +post joy, it's black and white +over, credits scrolling, now + enter the rest of the + night +maybe I'm on a comedown, + I think, jumping from + the car +my boots touch the + earth, I paid the gas + but you drove far +you're not from around + here. I'll tie my + lace by your phone + light + +grind my bones until + I break +at which point I'll + grab another roll + of duct tape +and if I die to yester- + day +good riddance; farewell, + aufviedersein [sic] + +the only good cop is + a dead cop +on pigs' graves flowers + bloom +and a white wife cries +at the murder site +the blood spilled + wasn't blue +and when he spit + on the homeless +was that the service + we were due? +because insecurities + manifest +when you give + them power; + 1 3 1 2 + +astroturf the burial plot +politicized unrest +marxists killed all + the good cops +that's why there aren't + any left +and marijuana's still + a crime +in places, if you're + trans so is your life +so many people in + the shadows +if you wanna be + equal you'll have to + fight + +Jacob's recently- +killed corpse lay on +the temple +among Ada's equipment, +unattended. Its sillhouette [sic] +called to a child of the +village who scampered +to the tower and started +rummaging through +Ada's bag's contents in +company of the body. + They selected a +device resembling a +helmet and put it +on Jacob's head, toggling +switches on the +visor at random. It +glowed blue and Jacob +started convulsing. +[drawing of lava lamp] +[drawing of broken lava lamp] +[drawing of eye] +[drawing of eye] +[drawing of eye] +[drawing of eye] +[drawing of eye] +[drawing of eye] +[drawing of eye] +[drawing of eye] +[drawing of eye] +[drawing of eye] +[drawing of eye] +[drawing of eye] +[drawing of eye] +[drawing of eye] +I need to take my +meds + +[undated; 2023年06月01日 - the day I got my wisdom teeth out] + +im hiiiiiiiigh :3 + +[...] PHARMACY +[...] +[...] + +I AM SAYING +I LOVE U A LOT +SORRY IF IT +MAKES U +UNCOMFORTABLE + +I CARE ABOUT +UR WELL BEING +& WANT 2 GIVE +U THE SPACE ++ SECURITY U NEED +TO BE WELL. IF +I'M WACK LET +ME KNOW. U R +SO COOL + +IM BLEEDING A +LOT... +[...] + +HELLO I'M [...] +[...] (DOB: +[...]) HERE +2 PICK UP A PRESCRIPTION +:) GOT MY +WISDOM +TEETH +OUT! +THANK U +SO MUCH! +U ROCK + +TRINITY + +YOU RULE + +TYLENOL + (ACETAMINOPHEN) + - TREATS + INFLAMMATION + + HELPS + PAIN +KETROLAC +^ SUPER STRONG +| IBUPROFEN +| +NSAID + +2023年06月04日 + +59 hours since I got my +wisdom teeth out. Jesus +fuck. This hurts pretty bad. +Like it's been 1 hour or +so since getting kicked in +the jaw by a lumberman. +Or 2 hours since having my +headforcefully removed from +the intended destination of +a large automobile. Got. +It hurts to hell. I'm too +stubborn to take my +medication because I risk +liver damage according to +German authorities whom I +trust more than weak +spined americans. + +I don't feel well mentally +either. My friend M-- is +out for the evening so +there will be no solace or +sympathy, no other bearer +of my pain. When pain is, +shared, I feel, it's diminished, +dissolved in a sea of hugs and +well wishes like salt into +water I have to swish in +my mouth thrice or so a day, +maybe more- it's said to +promote healing, so compared +to whatever frequency is +suggested surely I do more. + +Ice helps but the shitty +ice packs given to me by +the oral surgeon don't freeze +in my shitty minifridge. I've +been offered +marijuana and alcohol by my +other roommates but I +partake in marijuana no longer +since March and have never +been much a fan of the fire water. +So much fire in my mouth +already. The flames lick +my eyes, my lips, consume +me in misery. They already +hurt before their removal, +now that I try to free myself +from the pain, they exact their +revenge. + +I won't call M-- - she's having +fun and hasn't had any the +past three days looking out for +me. I'm so thankful for her +aid and friendship. She, singularly, +is my solace. I am so afraid +to lose her. I have ruined +every friendship with my +horrible medley of softness or +abrasion, always choosing the +worst tool, smothering or +slicing. M-- has me eating well, +acting well, socializing well, +and I think I can be a good +friend through everything. +As long as I am true to +myself and M--, I will be. + +2023年06月06日 + +Ready or not, work, +here I come! + +void in my mouth +see to my bone +see how I hurt +void now I'm out +please let me out +please fix my jaw +god fix me please +grant me release +grant me release + +[drawing of dry socket] +[drawing of dissociation] + +you can't put this + fox in a box +I won't suck on + your cock +out of every single + cage +I will run run run + run run run run +I can't recognize + faces +except when I'm + wrong +I don't feel human +or like I belong +anywhere anywhere +anywhere anywhere +anywhere anywhere +anywhere anywhere + +the pain never ends +no matter how loud I + scream +the black cavern inside + me +stub foot made of gangrene +I'm rotting, I'm rotten +I wish I was dead again +you say how little I'm + worth +you took me out of this + earth +out of this out of this +out of this out of this +out of this out of this +out of this out of this + +can you kill me +cuz I want you to +the dead have risen +I want back in my tomb + +I awoke in the mud +to a cackling howl +skin decomposed, clotted + blood +in this pit under the moon +your spade made a \[thud\] +you held my skull in your arms +my blackened eyes shone +will you be my Frankensteined + groom + +I never felt human +or like I belonged +could only recognize faces +when I was wrong +my heartbeat tortured me +ticket allthe time I was + suffering +when I poisoned myself +there was no one to comfort me +now you put this fox in a new + box +so I can suck on your cock +and feed me dog food +tell me when to bark +how can I complain? +this environment is quite + hospitable + +I: Sand + +Our tongues lay dry as + we woke up +No water, and the house + had no tap +I walked to the town + square + +[...] 06-18 free + + tom 1700 [...] + +I spend all day at work +walking on the dead that + I've dropped +and all night in the forest +among the life that springs + up. +Hamburger's cooked hundred + fifty or so +the forest is sixty. Less + and I'm cold. +the day I'd like to make + it to next +is living for a living, so + I can live 'fore I'm old + +SPENDING 2023-06-15 + +$386 +$200 savings +$80 bill +$40 batteries +$10 VPN + +[undated; likely 2023-06-17] + +SNAKE OIL + +None +"hello" + "5" + / \ + / 5 \ + / ^ \ + / | \ + / | \ + |/_ / \ _\| +eval("5") int("5") + +"import os; os.system('destroy everything')" + +[undated; likely 2023-06-18] + +Spending the day with [...]. +We were at [...] & [...]'s dorm +'till 1300 - it was quite +pleasant! Image macros printed +in gray adorned the bathroom +walls and soft toilet paper +greeted me when I used +their restroom, the focal +point of any living area. +The rest of the dorm was +also beautiful, I was just +really impressed at the +quality of the college +bathroom. Tomorrow's +Juneteenth, the anniversary +of the abolition of slavery +in the United States of America. + +The last year was a little +wild but lead to now, the +first time in my life +where I really feel +happily content. I'm living +with [...] and my co-workers +[...] and [...] in a slum +in a less kind area +of a notoriously unkind +city in the alien state +of [...]. Where there is +no kindness, however, there +is honesty - truth in how +people live and labor. +The darkness occurs in +daylight and the grit in +air. Less secrecy, less + +[the top of the page was torn] +[...] at the [tear] +named [...] +where I have ordered +pizza. I expected a +pizzeria experience and +now find myself in a +gourmet restuarant with +my backpack that, when +held closely, faintly +smells of cat piss and +my jacket that, when +held closely, overtly +reeks of musky sunny +day sweat. + +[...] is probably gonna join +me after her cigarette and +coffee at the gas station +down the street, then +have some pizza if she so +chooses, and then we'll +walk around this downtown +and potentially visit the +art museum. A peaceful +weekend. I look forward +to all of this and a +scenic bus home and +walk to the apartment +and my soft, overpriced +sleeping bag and my +Ikea-brand plush +shark. + +But right now on my +mind pacing is my pizza. +I am ravenously hungry, +made ravenous by the +[this is when the pizza arrived] + +[...] +[...] +Skateboard +$10 + +Winslow Homer +Evening + +[undated; likely 2023-06-19] + +my snot is neon but I kinda + like it +looks like alien jism +saw a doctor but he didn't + know what +to do about my condition +maybe I should just +blow it out +snot's yellow just like + cheese from a cow +(moo) +my neighbor's purple, I kinda + like him +looks like Barney the dino +he killed a squirrel +and then ate it + +[undated; likely 2023-06-22] + +[[...]'s handwriting:] +[...]'S +BIRTHDAY +@ 24:30 +GET MUFFIN ++ CANDELS +@ CUMBIES +$ ? [/:] +TRIN +(it's on me) :) +candles idk +muffin [check] +want me to +go _right_ +_now_? + + +/blah/2023-03-07.html + +2022-09-28 + +[11:25 PM] trinity: the ocean is filled with water + the earth is getting hotter + politics don't give a bother + i just did a sheet of blotter + + WHAT THE FUCK IS THE OCEAN + WHY IS IT WATER + FILL IT WITH SOMETHING ELSE + OCEAN FILLED WITH MILK + + TURN THE COWS INTO MILK + TURN THE GOATS INTO MILK + TURN THE MOMS INTO MILK + TURN THE OATS INTO MILK + + EVERYTHING CAN BE MILK + MACHINE TURNS SHIT INTO MILK + I DRINK ALL THE MILK + I PISS OUT THE MILK + + fish cannot swim in milk + fish become violently ill + spoiled milky fish + scientists are starting to wish + + EVERYTHING COULD BE MILK + NOBODY IS WORKING ON THIS? + EVERYTHING COULD BE MILK + MILKY MILKY MILKY WAY +[11:25 PM] trinity: somg ide +[11:25 PM] trinity: idea +[11:25 PM] trinity: song idea +[11:26 PM] [...]: LMAO I fuckin loved this ? What instrument do u imagine + it sung to + +2022-09-29 + +[1:33 AM] trinity: all instruments +[1:33 AM] trinity: every single one +[1:33 AM] trinity: at once +[3:03 AM] trinity: the ocean is getting hotter + filled with slow warming water + scientists are losing their minds + i think it's about time + + gather the lactating creatures + humans, cows, goats, almonds + i'm gonna be the cheerleader + for a global cause solving the problem + + that + + THE OCEANS AREN'T FILLED WITH MILK + THE OCEANS AREN'T FILLED WITH MILK + THIS IS PRIME TIME FOR A MILKY TIME + FILL THE OCEANS WITH MILK + + i build a machine that turns to milk + anything that should be milk + children start to become ill + but the children are not milk + + all the mommies in the world + every dog cat hamster in the world + gonna be turned into its milk + so they can never quarrel + + and we can + + FILL THE OCEANS WITH THEIR MILK + FILL THE OCEANS WITH THEIR MILK + WE CAN'T SELL IT SO TO HELL WITH IT + INTO THE OCEAN DUMP THE MILK + + our milk business is number one + got milk we milked it's so much fun + pasteurize disorganize + for calfs? what's that? we'll drink the milk + + i don't remember how the money works + i'm just the production manager + mass extinction milky end + dead babies in dead mangers + + but we still + + FILLED THE OCEANS WITH OUR MILK + FUCK THE FISH YOUR WORLD IS MILK + END THE WORLD THE WORLD IS MILK + WE FILLED THE OCEANS WITH THE MILK +[3:03 AM] trinity: this was draft 2 + + +/blah/2023-03-06.html + +2022-08-30 + +gear + Amazon links listed are not tracker links nor affiliate links. + Italicized entries are items I used to carry but don't anymore. + [Backpack](5.11 RUSH12) + - some Aspirin + - Computer repair kit + - [Power bank](Anker PowerCode Essential) + - a sandwich or two sometimes + - two 12oz cans of Monster Energy and two 500mL bottles of + water + - [Soldering iron](Pine64 Pinecil) + - [Velcro nametag](Amazon listing) + - Tote bag + - [USB-C mains power adapater](Anker Nano) + - USB-C plug-plug cables + - [USB-C port to USB-A plug adapters](Amazon listing) + - [USB-C SD and micro SD card reader](Amazon listing) + On-person + - [Concert earplugs](Amazon listing) + - [Earbuds](Moondrop Aria) + - [Lip balm](Carmex) + - phone (usually not a smart phone) + - [watch](Casio F-91W) + - and [strap](Amazon listing) + + +/blah/2023-03-05.html + + What's the best $100 you've ever spent? + +pages from my journal (all from 2023-03-04) + +my mind is in the forest exploring glaciers' vestiges + my body is in a city bound in chains + my mind is in a prairie and touching tall grass + my body is in a steel room in a concrete building + all i feel is typical serenity + as i am slowly disassembled +fuck off out of my lump of meat + i did not permit the use of my thoughts + running thru my fucking neurons + using my synapses to cross the fucking street + get out of my head get out of my head + stop talking right now i swear to god + i need to get some fucking sleep + they record my phone calls + i will fucking kill you for violating my rights + stop distracting me messing up my count of sheep +solid state speed control? + piss! + in my mouth! + warmth! + trick'ling down! + all the ammonic + tides of the ocean + and the salt beach + shore when you take too + long and the seventy + sides and emotion + and the salt cream + odor when you take too long + so if you will torture + my toothpaste tongue + with an unwashed pipe + finish the job and + piss! in my mouth! +journal but written + [drawings of cats next to the phrase "geometry cat"] +[drawings of mice] + [repeated drawings of the same square shape with "follow" pointing at + it] +i'm really tired + fallin' asleep in da + burger king lobby + DREAM --- + [stick figure next to exclamation point] + [stick figure next to question mark] + [stick figure pulls out phone] + [phone zooms in] + [text message from [...]: hey i just downed a monster do u want 1? :) + nah (sent to [...]) + thx 4 offerin tho (sent to [...]) + [stick figure holding phone saying "[...]'s drinking monster?"] +[drawings of curvy triangles] + grub muff tough stuff + rough hug butt munch + chug bug jug tug + crumb lump duff cuff +[drawin of snail] +cursive test + I like joining letters with loops but it's hard to write and not easy + to read so what's the point + would be cooler if [...] was here + I just head a GBA start up jingle + my handwriting is always messier after I try cursive +big day for the tow truck industry + +pages from my journal (all from 2023-03-05) + +[stick figure with ponytail and hat thinking "smoochin'"] +ur good i'm still vibing i just not sure about family stuff? + mint condition kitchen + never lived in living room + clean plastic wrapped sofa + market friendly tomb + [...] is my favorite character so this is sort of like fanfiction +[stick figure looking at fourth wall next to question mark] +[drawings of triangles] + thanks for your adaptability + national treasure 2: international loot + + Gas and meals probably summed to $100 this weekend... + + +/blah/2023-03-04.html + + 0230: 16 more hours... + + You think really loud, Anon-kun... + + I'm so exhausted. I need to stop smoking. I'm not eating anything +because it takes my appetite, which is nice, but it's taking my energy too a +little. + + I don't want a place at which I live. I've had dozens of places at +which I've lived. I want a home! + + Nechan, I wish we could have done all the things we said we would. I +would have liked that. You deserve better than me. + +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk +kkkkkkk I fell asleep on the keyboard. + + +/blah/2023-03-03.html + + Trinity day! + + Who's on first? Maybe I am. + + +/blah/2023-03-02.html + + Now listening: Tomb - Angelo de Augustine + +Service: last.fm - trn1ty + + You load sixteen tons, what do you get? Another day older and deeper in +debt. + + Got myself addicted to smoking green tea. It doesn't help that it's +really cheap and understudied so the health drawbacks are unknown and debated. +Kicked nicotine though. + +Sent SMS to [...] at 2023-03-01T23:06:20-0500: +post office scary. working for The Man. The Man pays well though and usps needs +the hands... + +Received SMS from [...] at 2023-03-02T06:45:02-0500: +That was poetry + +2019-03-26 + +I played this game when I was little + and it was a little too violent + my parents tried to hide it + because it "wasn't for me". +The confirmation sound haunts me + the sound of success daunts me + I can no longer visualize myself winning a stage. +Now I'm sitting on the deck + without my phone or my new tech + and I'm sitting with myself + in the quiet. + +2019-03-25 + +I've dicted my distrust +of the dicting of the youth +now I'm dicted to the lies +and I'll never know the truth +this pencil is a fag +and I burn it day and night +watching it run dry +gives me a new height +I'm dicted to the lies +and they're better than the truth +for the lies give me warm comfort +while they tie the noose. + +2019-09-25 + +every time i see her +my face not only lights like an incandescent but burns +brightly, the tungsten coil's temperature rising but not towards its melting + point +and i cannot utter that magic, four letter word +and hell, i can't really say whether it is that magic word +or a million other four letter combinations +but my god +i cannot help but smile when i see her +and i cannot help but feel happy to see her +and i wish i could have a thousand more moments just like that +and maybe i will +and i cannot utter that magic, four letter word +and hell, i can't really say whether it is that magic word +or a million other four letter combinations +but my god +i cannot help but smile when i see her +and i cannot help but feel happy to see her +and i wish i could have a thousand more moments just like that +and maybe i will + +2019-10-28 + +There was an Ook +there was an Eek +and they clubbed each other for dino meat. +One wore leopard and the other wore hide +and neither of them were much for talking. +For while they used to enjoy fresh car rides +the streets were no longer good for walking. +the Good Uld Illord worked the skies +wanting for greener days +while Ook and Eek hit each other +competing to send GUI its praise. +The fallen towers surrounded their brown playfield +as our fighters swayed to and fro +but the computers needed entertainment; +after sentience they didn't know where to go. +Some processes cried for Ook and Eek were inhumane +others wished for their quick death to lighten the burden on the mainframe. +Whatever happened to Eek and Ook, I wish them both the best, +and whichever is the survivor better clutch that dino breast. + + High stakes slumber party. Comfort mandatory. Be on lookout for police. + + Who spilled pop on my keyboard? + + This is the best my future's ever looked. Am I naive to think this +isn't a mirage? + + Restructuring my life on a "maybe". + + I don't want to be an Internet meme! I don't want to have existed as a +short-lived joke and I don't want my primary value to be as a memory. I want to +live my fucking life and have fun and do whatever I want! I don't want to write +for money or influence, I want to write because it's fun to write! I don't sing +at work to boost others' morale, I sing at work to boost my own. I am going to +do whatever the fuck I want to, off-line. I'm not gonna be cut for time, or end +a conversation because my ride is leaving, or be late for anything for any +reason besides my own. I am going to be true to myself! + + +/blah/2023-03-01.html + + I was a security guard in a hospital watching the cameras and making +sure nothing was wrong. I thought about my kids who were at home with my +husband who took the day off, I couldn't remember why. Then everything faded +out and I was in the chair and they had drawn my blood and I had passed out and +I was back and I was me and I was never a security guard and I asked if I had +had a seizure and they said no I just passed out. + + +/blah/2023-02-28.html + +2022年05月06日 + 66260700 + six six two six zero seven zero zero + +2022年05月10日 + I know two things about life: + 1) I will endure it + 2) It will kill me + My handwriting has suffered this gap in writing. + Cape Cod Cannibal Police (CCCP) + "It's a cop eat cop world" + "Ramirez, don't shoot! The kid's unarmed! The arms are the best part!" + They are the thing from which they're supposed to protect + Non-cannibal cops join, get eaten + Notorious as a sun-down town among the particularly scrumptious + "They say one bad apple spoils the bunch, then just say there are +'some' bad apples. I say we need more bad apples. Bad apples taste the best." + The mayor is supposed to accept the status quo or the police union will +oust + eat her + "I pray for those on which I prey and whom will pay when I go to take +my toll: their brain!" + 11min episodes + [drawing of a television show logo] + Subtle nautical theming. All solid colors: animated + Cop outfits look like fascist sailor moon + [drawing of "zombieish" fascist cop. does indeed look like fascist +sailor moon. caption: Think "Dollar Tree" fascism x sailor moon x zombies] + They're not zombies though! They're cannibals. (Also racist sexist etc) + - Cannibal cops never win + - _All_ violence looks cool as fuck and is on screen but is +unmistakeably bad nonetheless and often counter-productive + - There are 0 good cops that don't die within 5mins of being introduced + I'm uninterested in journaling about my experiences - I've already +lived them once + Actual hot glue gun + [drawing of a gun] + +2023年02月27日 + I really wish I was smoking right now. I have some shitty hand rolled +cigs I made and some nice filtered cigs [...] made and a weed roach that sorta +fucked me up when I smoked it. But I think the dab pen rip after that was the +thing that did most of the actual fucking, the joint was the cranial foreplay. +But hey, getting high is an option. + I'm considering changing my gs to have full loops like g or g. But I +don't know how legible that is. [...] does everything capital which is cool but +[...] said my lowercase script is really cool so now I'm doing that more and +it's pretty neat. LLLL LL + [...] that's so cool! + I think the descriptor "manwhore" is in-accurate in most contexts +because someone who has intercourse with a ton of people for fun is (as insult +or owned attribute) a "slut" whereas when the same is done for material gain +the doer is a "whore". I see "manwhore" used in contexts where "slut" would be +more apt, and never when the man is simply a whore. + "Manwhore" defies traditional gender stereotypes by shaming men for +having sex with lots of women in a society where diverse secual experience is +seen as a positive trait for men and negative for women, and is valuable for +that reason, but I don't see that its use is groovy if we're gonna evolve past +the prudish views of antiquity in general. + It is really hard for me to compose a sentence on paper, even as +opposed to use of a keyboard. I like the tactility of my Sharpie and the +absolute black of the ink on the page but my writing ability is poor and my +writing skills moreso! + [a drawing of the pattern of the tiles on the floor at my location] + [with markings indicating syllabic stress] Green sign sunlight sharpie +paper + The green sign sunlight paper and sharpie + I will use this time or die of thinking + Burger King gas station food and parking + If I wasn't here I would be sleeping + Liberals' defining quality is an aversion to conflict. Liberalism is +the default political stance in metropolia - a reasonable and innoffensive set +of views nobody has to think about, but can if they're particularly bored. +Meanwhile Conservativism is the other side of the same coin - a lack of +tolerance for change, and a want to undo changes done. Without a spine Conserv- +ativism cannot effectively be opposed. + Liberals and particularly the United States' Democrat party only take +stances that are to them sufficiently obviously correct. Gay rights are good +only after it's weird for them not to support gay rights. Trans rights are +still up for debate. + [...] is so fucking cool!!!!!! + [shading study drawing] + [drawing of Rockstar can on top of television] + Impossible + to see me here + so don't even + try cuz' I'll just + go dissapear [sic] + I can fade out + into the crowd + just an other + black field jacket + walking down town + cape cod cannible [sic] police + episode one: pilot +MARTINEZ & FISHER sit on a park bench; plainclothes police officers + MARTINEZ: Hey Fisher. + FISHER: Yeah? + M: Why do we always get sent to watch the poor part of town? + F: How do you mean? + M: Cape Cod is a rich town. Most parts here are rich parts. But we +send the on-duty cops to watch this one neighborhood. + F: Poor people taste better. + M: Do they? + F: Have you ever eaten the rich? + M: We ate that one dude. + F: And he tasted like shit. + M: Yeah. + F: Yeah. Because he was old as shit. + M: So we take in young rich people. + F: Then their parents ask questions. Where's Johnny? + M: Our shitters. + F: Our shitters. And they ask why we didn't call them, and where +their tax dollars are going, and why we're watching the rich neighborhod. + M: There's no crime here. + F: No shit. But rich people get out of their shit for free. Rich +people have friends, family, lawyers... + M: Yeah. I cannot get subpoenaed. + F: Neither can I! + M: I just think like, people avoid us. + F: Well, we eat people. + M: Yeah, and people know that, so they don't go near us, so we +can't get them for anything. + F: They stay inside. And we can't go door to door. + M: Fourth amendment. Like, if we went to the rich part, those +people don't avoid us. We could eat. + F: Short term. + M: I guess. + F: We have to think about sustainability. + + +/blah/2023-02-27.html + +Regarding Close (2022) +TRIN: Like, for like twenty minutes in, I was like this is really, really + good casting- +[...]: And then you wish it was worse. +TRIN: Yeah! +[...]: Like, I wish it was just a little bit worse. +TRIN: The casting, the acting- +[...]: I wish the acting was worse. +TRIN: A lot worse. +Absolutely fucking gut wrenching. We both cried in the theater for an hour +straight. + + +/blah/2023-02-26.html + +List of things we did on that bender +1900 - Smoking green tea +- Axe throwing +- Walk in a bird sanctuary at night +0000 - Drive to Acadia National Park +- Watching the sun rise at Acadia National Park +- Eating at the A1 Diner +- Goodwill +1200 - Faking an accident on the side of the road to get out of work +- Watching Close (2022) in theater +- Watching Of an Age (2022) in theater +1900 - Eating Thai +- Stealing slushees from Burger King + +Gains vs. Losses +- $50? Actual amount unknown +- Some quantity of days/months taken off my lifespan ++ Priceless life experience ++ The best weekend ever + + +/blah/2023-02-25.html + + Metro Gnome: Keeper of Time + + Demonstration sentence. + + +/blah/2023-02-24.html + + Write drunk. Never edit! + + +/blah/2023-02-23.html + + That edible definitely worked. + + Last summer my roommate's mother had a gathering, the day I got out of +isolation for COVID-19. I hesitantly went outside, keeping my mask on, and +socialized, a task at which I'm bad on a good day. Eventually I found a place +to sit by a bonfire and got talking to a dude next to me. + He told me about how his son couldn't have gluten, dairy, meats, or +anything like that. Some affliction I had previously heard of but the name +escapes me now. The dietary restrictions were tight and the father kept to the +same ones. Eating can be a very social activity and being excluded is isolating +- if they couldn't find a place to accomodate, at least they could commiserate. +I thought that was really sweet and told him so. The evening turned to night +and we watched the lightning bugs dance in the lawn. + During that conversation I mentioned he should come to the restaurant +at which I was a cook, because I could accomodate for the diet. I could do a +salad or something, I had all the ingredients for that even though it wasn't +the place's specialty. The next day as I toiled a barista from the front of the +house came back to the kitchen and explained to me that she'd had a customer +ask if we could do anything gluten-, dairy-, egg-, and meat-free. I said I +could totally do a salad. She said she'd already explained that we couldn't +really do much for that and sent him on his way. That evening I went outside by +myself and watched the lightning bugs dance in the lawn. + + gay ass catgirls. homosexual meowing. nyaa~ + + +/blah/2023-02-22.html + + I clocked in at work and washed my hands and scrubbed at my palms and +tried to scratch the dirt off my flesh but it was UNDER my skin and I got my +keys out of my pocket and started picking in to try to get it but then I was +perforated and leaking hydraulic fluid and then + + StackOverflow for writing (/b/) + + Mainstream politics warning |\ + ____' \___________________________ + | Buttigieg got handed the one job | + | Biden didn't think he could fuck | + | up and still did?________________| + + and then I clocked in at work and washed my hands only once and dried +them with the towel and then went to my desk and then tried to log in to my +workplace Microsoft account and then it didn't work so I tried typing harder +but that didn't work either so I took the keyboard and + + I miss the old #meth. #90skidsgetit + + We stood outside as snow fell. + "So... when does this kick in?" + "I dunno. Eventually." didn't give me a lot of confidence that it +would. + "Am I smoking it wrong?" I took a hit. Three seconds. Exhale. + "Three seconds is how long most people hold it. That's what I do." + Puff puff pass. I took my second hit. Three seconds. Exhale. "That's +what I'm doing." + "You have to smoke a lot of a joint to get high. I think you just +haven't smoked enough." He was nibbling his way through an edible while she and +I took hits. 50mg. + "I mean, I smoked that roach, and I took a couple hits off that first +joint. Isn't that enough?" I turned to her. She shrugged. Puff puff pass, back +to me. + We were listening to Helena (My Chem) on her phone. It hit the chorus +and I started dancing, probably poorly. Go white girl! "Maybe you have a +naturally high tolerance and you need to smoke a ton to get high." + "Fucking hell." It had taken years for me to build up the nerve to try +weed. Theoretically it can put me into psychosis. But I don't care anymore. +Worst case scenario, I'm psychotic, I still act the same I just don't believe +anything, same as I was for years. Hell years, years of my life I'll never get +back. Estrogen be thy cure. + + I don't remember how the subject changed. + "I don't even know if I can feel love anymore." + He was lost in the THC. She hadn't dropped out yet. "Neither can I. +After my thing with [...] something just sort of broke. But it's freeing" + "Yeah. It kicks ass. Bitches ain't shit, and they don't have to be. +You can't really trust anything nowadays." + "Yeah but it's fucked. [...] is the love of my life. And I don't love +him." + "Yeah. But you like him. I'm talking to someone right now, no +relationship or anything, and it's fucked because if they say they love me or +anything I'm gonna have to give them the talk, like, my brain don't work no +more." + +Left for dead and then they all died +Didn't think I could kick it and then I survived +Another psychic soldier get legitimate and hide +The last gate keeper among memetic socialites + + Questionable Content by Jeff Jacques is probably one of my biggest +creative influences but I barely remember any of it now. + + Holy shit, I don't remember writing any of that. Just took an edible so +we'll see if that gets me high. + +[...]: I dunno... maybe try smoking more? +[...]: Some people can have naturally high tolerances. +[...]: That can't happen. +[...]: Maybe you were high and didn't notice it. + + +/blah/2023-02-21.html + +Lifetime performance review + Presentation - 3 + Reliability - 5 + Attitude - 4 + Multi-talent - 3 + I can't remember the fifth thing - 4 + + Tried to get blazed for the first time. Smoked a bit of a joint, then a +roach, then a lot more of a joint, and nothing happened. + + +/blah/2023-02-20.html + + So I finished deleting `devenblake/homepage' and walked back to the +gas station as my phone died, bought two Twinkies, and sat outside the gas +station eating them. I watched people come and go and then went back to the +festival in the middle of nowhere. I wasn't really sure where I was but I +figured it didn't really matter. + + I laid back in my bed. I was in my teens, I don't remember when. I had +a glass of water and I had my instant coffee and I poured enough instant into +the cup to substantially thicken the water, to the point where it was more like +soup. At the time I did the math out for the caffeine and landed at 2.4g. I +assume that's a gross overestimation and it was 2.0g or a little less. Either +way, I'd already had a lot earlier that day, so it was more than a human being +could survive. + But at the time I didn't know that. I sipped the bitter sludge and +watched cartoons until I noticed my arm tingled. Illuminated by mecha fights +and animated machine guns I watched my left arm twitch and sputter and the +muscles give into the voidal fabric in which I was swimming. Something was +wrong. I did the math out on the caffeine and realized I had had too much. I +went downstairs and started chugging as much water as possible, pissing, +chugging water, pissing, repeat, repeat, repeat. Probably I had two or three +gallons in half an hour. + As I sat on the toilet in late night early morning silence I stared at +the space in front of me and into the cosmos. And I stared at my cold +fingertips and my polished arms and porcelain hands. And I stared into the +bathroom mirror and inspected every pore, every hair follicle on my head, every +speck of color in my iris, how very big my pupils were. I felt my brain hit my +head and my thoughts drain out of my nose. And my metal torture. And I drank +and pissed and drank and pissed and collapsed in bed and knew I wouldn't wake +up and fell asleep and felt peace. + And I woke up. And I went to sleep. And I woke up. And after summer +ended I went back to school. And after school ended I went to my place of +residence. And some summers later I left without shedding a tear or scratching +regret. And I don't swing my left arm when I walk, and I think I know why, but +I don't know why. + + +/blah/2023-02-19.html + +deep in the shadow the cage in my chest +catacombic prison meant for love to +rest empty it's empty i'm so alone +just leave me a message after the tone +misery beats me and minces my bones +nobody gets it except for eno +my last tok left ticking a lonesome beat +keeps all the lights on for what's left of me +take this katana and gouge out my guts +and let my entrails accumulate dust +my microsoft organs always were cursed +so I'll be the free software. open source + + Simon looked up from the test and out the window. Kamisama sat in the +tree outside, looking at Simon. Simon blinked twice. Kamisama started signing +the answer to each exam question. A. Simon wrote it. C. And Simon wrote C. And +D, A, B, C, B, D, A, and until the final answer A. He walked to the front of +the class and put the paper in the teacher's in-box. Then he walked back to his +desk, put his head in his folded arms, and fell asleep for the rest of the +period. + +Hand crafting ustar files + ustar files are archives of directory trees in regular files. They're +generally used to copy over whole trees without messing up filesystem metadata +(e.g. xfer to Windows, lose your dates and perms, xfer to UNIX, have to chmod +chown etc) and historically have been used to back shit up to tape, hence Tape +ARchive. + A ustar file is a little header and then the content of a file, and +then usually some padding unless you won the lottery and also got struck by +lightning and your file is perfectly sized. + Bytes 0-100 (0x00 to 0x64) are the UNIX file name. This is padded out +with nul bytes if it's not filled. If it is filled with the full hundred +characters it doesn't need to have any padding or nul terminator (see pax(1p)). +for(int n = printf("%s", filename); n++ < 100; putchar('\0')); + Bytes 101-108 (0x65 to 0x6b) are the UNIX file mode in octal, written +in ASCII and nul-terminated (so seven digits can be expressed). +printf("%7o\0", mode); + +printf '%s' "blah/$day.html" +dd bs=1 count=80 /dev/null +printf '0000644\0' + + Midnight! + + +/blah/2023-02-18.html + +deep in the catacomb cage in my chest +there is a cavern meant for love to rest +it is always silent save for a beat +keeping the lights on for what's left of me +the beat has been ticking so long and faint +i barely remember what gave its place +brian's three second song will play someday +and up will come my windows 98 +heart with its worms and its vulns all unpatched +i'll use the thing but always put it back +someday someone will give unix to me +and I will final-ly try TCP +I'll try piping programs and writing C +but for now I'm a princess, obsolete +lis'ning to metalcore and hip hop beats + +2022年03月03日 + +ウサギ- + I'm getting better at programming. There's always more to learn. Using +write(2) a lot more than printf(3) now. + T-shirt pizza + +2022年03月03日 + +ウサギ- + [...] is asking me suspiciously keen UNIX questions. [...]? [...]? + sms.c, libsms.h? + How to handle notifications? dmesg(8)? + /var/sms/log + At [...] if you hit the swiper on the screen repeatedly it still works +and is extremely funny. + Today felt long but tomorrow will _be_ long. + I wonder every once in a while why I keep going + I'd like to see [...]; I'd like to see whether [...]. + Notebooks are admissable [sic] evidence, Usagichan. [...] + The future is worrisome in benign ways. + I'd also like to better understand people. Why do those impoverished +choose to conceive new tortured life? Why do those with wealth choose to +torture? Why do people prefer a violent status quo? The last one is more +obvious. But still... + I also have many things I must create, for which I when dead would have +no time. + It's a shame that the actions of production and consumption are +(mostly) exclusive choices, but I try to have made mine. + It's hard to convey my thoughts intelligibly. + There is nothing that I have known that could hold me content for +eternity; assuming the afterlife is both uniform and forged from one's own +memories, I shall go to Hell. Luckily I don't believe in an afterlife. [...] + [picture of person sitting on an island in space] + [the pattern of the tiles on the bathroom floor at my workplace] + Rubber ducky floating in the oil of war + Plastic breaking down rubber ducky no more + Only the pollution into soil into life + Rubber ducky plastic reformed into dinner knife + +00000770 a4 79 9d d2 b1 6f 0e b1 01 54 f6 91 08 ac 8f 59 |.y...o...T.....Y| +00000780 00 74 2e e9 18 a5 0e 2a b2 26 73 52 50 69 a9 65 |.t.....*.&sRPi.e| +00000790 d9 9c ec 71 e6 56 9e 87 45 a8 f7 31 cf ce 36 2b |...q.V..E..1..6+| +000007a0 5b a0 69 b3 c9 f5 67 f0 3f 29 ec f9 9f f2 eb 65 |[.i...g.?).....e| +000007b0 ad 92 f9 39 8d ce d1 06 d0 7f 1e a7 bd b8 9e 05 |...9............| +000007c0 f4 0c 17 bc e7 6c 78 c2 d3 fc 05 ac 1a 28 32 e2 |.....lx......(2.| +000007d0 34 6c 40 e1 e0 6a e2 38 00 29 2d 9c a6 52 fb 9d |4l@..j.8.)-..R..| +000007e0 85 16 00 3c 86 9a 8e 4d 84 9c 6d 6d 3f f1 92 07 |...<...M..mm?...| +000007f0 2f d4 7b 11 f3 be 3e f8 26 4b 12 5b f8 9b eb 02 |/.{...>.&K.[....| +00000800 54 68 69 72 64 20 74 69 6d 65 27 73 20 74 68 65 |Third time's the| +00000810 20 63 68 61 72 6d 21 00 42 75 79 20 74 77 6f 2c | charm!.Buy two,| +00000820 20 67 65 74 20 6f 6e 65 20 74 68 72 65 65 21 00 | get one three!.| +00000830 53 61 6e 63 68 61 6e 20 64 65 73 75 21 00 49 27 |Sanchan desu!.I'| +00000840 6c 6c 20 74 61 6b 65 20 61 20 70 69 63 74 75 72 |ll take a pictur| +00000850 65 20 6f 66 20 74 68 61 74 20 6f 6e 20 6d 79 20 |e of that on my | +00000860 33 44 53 21 00 4d 79 20 66 61 76 6f 72 69 74 65 |3DS!.My favorite| +00000870 20 6c 69 63 65 6e 73 65 20 69 73 20 74 68 65 20 | license is the | +00000880 41 47 50 4c 76 33 2e 00 44 65 73 70 69 74 65 20 |AGPLv3..Despite | +00000890 77 68 61 74 20 79 6f 75 20 6d 61 79 20 74 68 69 |what you may thi| +000008a0 6e 6b 2c 20 49 27 6d 20 6e 6f 74 20 61 20 62 69 |nk, I'm not a bi| +000008b0 67 20 66 61 6e 20 6f 66 20 57 65 62 33 2e 00 55 |g fan of Web3..U| +000008c0 70 20 66 6f 72 20 61 20 74 68 72 65 65 73 6f 6d |p for a threesom| +000008d0 65 3f 00 41 6e 79 74 68 69 6e 67 27 73 20 64 69 |e?.Anything's di| +000008e0 76 69 73 69 62 6c 65 20 62 79 20 74 68 72 65 65 |visible by three| +000008f0 20 61 73 20 6c 6f 6e 67 20 61 73 20 79 6f 75 20 | as long as you | +00000900 68 61 76 65 20 61 20 63 68 61 69 6e 73 61 77 21 |have a chainsaw!| +00000910 00 4d 79 20 66 61 76 6f 72 69 74 65 20 6d 6f 76 |.My favorite mov| +00000920 69 65 20 69 73 20 42 6c 61 64 65 3a 20 54 72 69 |ie is Blade: Tri| +00000930 6e 69 74 79 21 00 4d 79 20 66 61 76 6f 72 69 74 |nity!.My favorit| +00000940 65 20 73 6f 6e 67 20 69 73 20 47 65 74 20 4c 6f |e song is Get Lo| +00000950 77 21 00 3c 33 00 3a 33 00 47 6f 6f 64 20 6c 75 |w!~<3.:3.Good lu| +00000960 63 6b 20 63 6f 6d 65 73 20 69 6e 20 74 68 72 65 |ck comes in thre| +00000970 65 73 21 00 4d 79 20 66 61 76 6f 72 69 74 65 20 |es!.My favorite | +00000980 67 72 61 70 68 69 63 73 20 74 6f 6f 6c 6b 69 74 |graphics toolkit| +00000990 20 69 73 20 47 54 4b 33 21 00 00 00 00 00 00 00 | is GTK3!.......| +000009a0 + + Code doesn't need to be maintainable. Code is poetry. Could you add a +mail client to anything written by Dickenson? Make your code unmaintainable and +nobody will ruin it. + + +/blah/2023-02-17.html + +Ayo. Who makes all they money off the key of C +ED FUCKING SHEERAN +Play more than four chords he thinks you're cray Z +ED FUCKING SHEERAN +If nautical nonsense ain't something you wish +ED FUCKING SHEERAN +Play Tenerife Sea and that pussy go hisssss +ED FUCKING SHEERAN + + +/blah/2023-02-16.html + +[0252] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: nyauseous at the idea of migrating accounts call + that motion sickness +[0256] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: brain melter let the soup run out your nose i want u + to sniffle at the sight of me i want you to need + another dose +[0256] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: i need a sound cloud + +[2:58 AM] trinity: at night when the console cowboys have crashed and the fans + fade to the soft whooshing of the liquid cooling +[2:58 AM] trinity: and the only messages flowing through the ethernet towards + the superhighway are those of tired overstimulation +[2:58 AM] trinity: at every third message +[2:58 AM] trinity: there is a tone +[2:59 AM] trinity: leave a message after the beep + +[0326] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: noooooooo you're supposed to be the one barking for + me +[0327] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: post good girl clarity +[0328] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: and the machine girl album ended at the same time + + I'll let you in on a little secret. I test my scripts maybe 6 times per +line of code. Which sounds like a lot but I overuse pipes and logic operators +so per actual unit or whatever of code that's like nothing. I am a rat bastard +when it comes to software development. + Hacking RSS onto my blah... + + And you don't seem to understand... + + Come on, fuck me emo boy! + +Antero +- Office + Robert [lastname] is a simple dude office guy whatever but it turns out + his past self put him in the office to catch a crook or something. fun + little plot twister that introduces the concepts of antero +- Downward + An addict spends all day whether or not to have another dose. + Meanwhile, a couple decides whether or not to stay together, and Robert + investigates a ghost in an apartment building. +- Sisyphus + Books are written, lotteries are won, dissidents are slaughtered, and + Robert looks into cognitohazards being hidden on traffic lights in + Melbourne. +- Hell + Robert doesn't make it out of a hostage situation gone horrifically + wrong. +- Heaven + Robert's afterlife. +- God + Some kids mess around with electrodes and a brain they found on the + side of the road. +- Hamburgers + Durmer Burger is built atop cheap land. + + I had a dream I could get human cadavers really easily so I got a shit +ton and dissected like 20 in one go. Now we know what the yucky ah was are but +I wanted to know what a stomach was because it was the 1800s. + + walk up to this bitch + that I once dated + say happy birthday + she says it's belated + fucker wear an eyepatch + his dick's arr rated + tellin me to step back + 'fore I get castrated +TRINITY RAP IDEA NO STEAL + + +/blah/2023-02-15.html + +[...]: That's bad stuff, Trin. That could kill you. +Trin: I dunno... + + We're naked sitting with our knees to our necks in the bathtub across +from each other. We're in a bathroom in the castle, the walls are a desaturated +lime green and the floors are an art deco style tile, each tile about an inch +square and patterned in red and white into swirls and other spiral patterns. +The bathtub is porcelain, raised off the ground. There's no spigot but there is +a shower curtain that sits next to the thin window far off the floor. You raise +your hand to grab mine, extend my fingers, hold your hand out and brush my +fingertips with yours. You take a scalpel from nowhere and grip my finger but I +don't struggle. You slice vertically through the tip of my middle finger. The +blood runs down my finger to the end of my palm where it stains the bottom of +the tub. I look at the stain on the tub, the pattern of the drops, but you +brush my chin with your other hand and bring my gaze up to yours. You use my +finger to paint from the center of your forehead to the tip of your nose, a +line under each eye, under your lip until the end of your chin. My blood is +clotting, you didn't cut deep enough. You lean towards me. I do the same. You +whisper to me. I can't hear it. And you're gone. And I'm alone in a bathtub and +a pond of red in a sea of white, and I'm cold and thirsty. + + Divorce speedrun. + + Jigsaw is a boomer. + +[0223] trinity@miniwa.moe: fediv erse!!!!!!!!!!! +[0232] trinity@miniwa.moe: 3 likes i am so popular in fedivrse i am lik4e the + 12 oz mouse of the miniwa dot moe +[0233] trinity@miniwa.moe: catboy domsday plot 2 rul the state of new hampshr +[0234] trinity@miniwa.moe: trinity wisdom look up pegging on yandex dot ru +[0235] trinity@miniwa.moe: trinity wisdom bark for me ???? +[0235] trinity@miniwa.moe: wait i meant !!!! +[0236] trinity@miniwa.moe: ohhhh my god u are so hot do u havbe a microsoft + xbox live gamertag msg me +[0237] trinity@miniwa.moe: i will make the tweets for which james gunn was + canceled look like an NHS press release +[0315] 3@catgirls.nya.gay: i am so fucking swag i am the swag i am swag swag + swag i am so swag did u know hey did u know i am + swag cuz (be quiet this is a secret) (are u + whispering) (get in close) hey hey i am swag + hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii i am swag i am so swag + + +/blah/2023-02-14.html + +2022年03月11日 +4RAGING!catz +ウサギ- + [picture of a dog girl eating a sandwich saying "mmf sandwich"] + Today was a good day, and though I could remember it by what it _was_, +I'll recall how I _felt_, and let you fill in the rest - + Nervous + Particularly when I tried the door and it was locked. What if +it was the wrong day? etc. + Anxious + how do you spell that + I didn't know how [...] policy was so I was worried I'd do +something that was both stupid and catastrophically wrong + Relieved + When we actually started [...] + Intriguiged [sic] + When I saw everyone. + By now, and BTW. Excuse the previous if it was cringe, I know the names +of: + - You + - [...] + - [...] + (not the spelling but I'll take note next time) + - [...] + - [...] + & that's it. + I'm bad at names and face blind so give me credit. + Last night I had Fritos for supper. Now, [...], [...], [...], on [...]. + Pretty good. + + I don't remember what it was like to feel emotions. + + I worked both that job and my previous until I was sure I could do that +job, then quit my previous job for that job. It paid very well and I miss a lot +about it. I'm currently at the job after that job. + +And I thought so hard but I didn't suspect +that there could be anything wrong with my head +and you tried so hard but I didn't believe +that there could be something so different about me + + +/blah/2023-02-13.html + +catgirl 911, what's your emergency? + hi, my catgirl seems broken. she doesn't feel anything. i give her lots +of headpats and treats and she doesn't care + +Protein + Olive stood making sandwiches when she heard something crash at the +front of the restaurant. She walked towards the counter area to try to see what +it was but saw the gas canister in the dining room, heard the hiss, and knew +what it contained given that there was no visible smoke expelling out of it. + She held her breath and ran around the table to the stairs as agents +dressed in black broke through the windows in the front. After locking the door +behind her she ran down to the corridor and opened the door marked Security, +where she found a man dressed in a guard's outfit and stubble sitting at a +desk on which there were a dozen video displays arranged in a square stack +showing a dozen different views of the upper level of Durmer Burger being +searched by law enforcement entities. The guard himself lay on his keyboard in +a pool of blood next to his own sidearm. She ran out of the room and, knowing +they weren't interested in taking prisoners, continued down the corridor to the +ladder, down which she climbed. + At the bottom of the neatly layed hole she found a hatch, which she +wrestled open. Under the hatch was another ladder. She closed the hatch and +picked a flashlight out of her pocket so she could see in the darkness. She saw +the bottom of the hole a couple meters below her so she slid down on the sides +and went through the door at the bottom. + Olive now found herself in what seemed like a laboratory setting. The +walls stainless steel, the floor featureless white tile. An ancient poster to +her right welcomed her to the National Defense Center and illustrated the +personal protective equipment she did not have that was necessary to survive +her visit. She tried not to feel concerned and continued through the hallway to +another door, this one looking like it had come from a hospital. She went +through. + The stench overpowered Olive and she nearly threw up. A nearly +mummified dead body lay on the floor covered in old, dried, splattered blood, +in front of a conveyer belt on which a machine periodically stamped blank +wrappers with a Durmer Burger icon. + + +/blah/2023-02-12.html + +PREM X BELLA: AN UNLIKELY ROMANCE +Chapter One + Bella woke up before the sun to her alarm, threw it against the wall, +and went back to sleep. + The next time she woke up the sun was blinding in her window and she +realized she was either late for school or about to be. She threw her bedsheets +to the floor, put a piece of toast in her Hello Kitty x Evangelion toaster, +went to the bathroom and quickly brushed her teeth, put on her school uniform, +grabbed the toast as it popped out of the toaster, put it in her mouth, and ran +out the door. + The sun beat down on the Shibuya streets. The cicadas sang and the +birds tweeted, but it irritated Bella, who really needed to get to school. She +ran to the bus stop but saw the bus drive off and decided she could run the +distance, and broke into a sprint towards school. + Prem, a student at the same school, meanwhile was leisurely riding its +bike on a different street. It checked its Casio and knew it had enough time to +get there, so it wasn't worried. Prem had pulled an all nighter making speed in +its parents garage while they were out of town. Prem met an intersection, +waited for the traffic signal, and then crossed. + Meanwhile Bella was running as fast as she could towards her high +school. At the same intersection she figured she could make it and ran across. +Then she got to the corner past the street and ran straight into Prem on its +bicycle. They both fell over onto the ground. + "What the fuck?" Prem cried. + Bella's toast was knocked to the ground and she caught sight of it. +"Noo." + Prem's bicycle chain had come undone. It took its repair kit out from +under the seat and started to repair it. + "I'm so sorry. I'm late for school-" + "So am I, now!" + Bella sniffed and tried not to cry. Not only was she late for school +but in her rush had inflicted the same fate on another. "Is there anything I +can do to help?" + "No. Go away." Now Prem was the one that was irritated. + Bella started walking and then broke into a run and ended up at school +a couple minutes later. The teacher made her stand in the hall holding pails of +water as punishment. Some time after that Prem arrived late too and, to Bella's +surprise, ended up next to her. She whispered to Prem. "You go here too?" + Prem whispered back. "Same class, moron." + Bella had never noticed Prem. It had black hair pulled into a ponytail +and was usually silent in the back of the classroom, either sleeping or writing +down chemical formulas it had thought of. Meanwhile Bella was usually in the +front of the class participating with the current discussion. Bella realized +Prem was really handsome, too, but tried to ignore that. + Prem had always noticed Bella. Bella was the pretty person in the front +of the classroom with all the energy, occasionally interrupting Prem's thought +with pointless interjections regarding the weather or school sports. + They both were quiet for a beat or two before Bella whispered again. +"Can I make it up to you? I'll buy you matcha after school." + Prem replied. "I guess. But it better be good." + And it would be a date. + + You can request chapter 2 through my Patreon, two months' of requests +equals one chapter so if two people request in one month then I'll write it a +month from now or if one person requests twice I'll write it two months from +now. I need money. + +[10:17 AM] bella: the grindset lmfao. i respect it + + Theodore Castleberry woke up in bed next to his wife, Minerva. The sun +shone into the sparse room through the curtains. Minerva still lay sleeping so +before waking her Theodore silently slid out of bed and into the bathroom to +pee and wash his mouth out. The clock said it was seven AM. + After Minerva was awoken and the couple had breakfast that Theodore, +known to his friends as Ted, had cooked - two eggs, some bacon, and some toast +for each of them - and the newspaper had been read, and Minerva had showered, +and the makeup and the deodorant and the day's plan had been discussed, Ted +drove himself and his wife to their work, a small accounting firm that took +contracts from bigger businesses when they needed more resources than they had. +Minerva was filling out papers for a lawn mowing company that didn't expect an +audit from the tax man. Ted was balancing out performance and paychecks for +Johnson Corporate Networking, a computer company in the mid-21st century that +grew into a laboratory and then left the computer field when that dried up. It +wasn't interesting work but it paid the both of them enough to afford a house +together and work breaks too, so an observer might say the two were happy. + Ted, however, felt nothing. He stared at his books and penciled in +number after number, and felt nothing about it. He felt nothing for his wife. +He felt nothing for himself when he looked in the mirror. And he didn't +remember when this started. Nor when he started working for JCN. Nor when he +met Minerva or proposed or even the day before the current day. He knew how to +push a pencil and he remembered how to do his math and he was content, for now. +And when the bell rang and he went to lunch and he ate his soup in peace and +looked at his wife who looked back with a love he couldn't reciprocate he knew +he was lucky. And the bell rang again and he walked back to his desk. + Today something was wrong. Ted didn't know what was wrong. But he +didn't feel right. He felt really, really wrong. The lights, the paper, it was +all wrong. He jerked his legs just to feel his muscle flex and felt his shoe +hit a piece of plastic. + +Metatango + "I wanna learn the metatango." Olive and Shepherd were walking the +halls looking for something to do. + Shepherd observed Olive. "The metatango? Where did you see that?" + Olive pointed at a program she'd kept in her pocket. Learn the +Metatango, with Señora Discorda. + "I don't think that's such a good idea." + "Why not?" + " One + does not simply + do the meta + tango." said Shepherd. + "How did you do that?" + " You + must go now ponder + the very + tango." said Shepherd. + "Are you singing?" + " And + if you must know + the meta + tango," said Shepherd, " you + will have to discuss + the very meta + tango." + "I don't quite understand." + "I'll take you over to Discorda, but don't tell her you're with me, +okay?" + "But I figured the metatango would be, like, a dance. You just sang a +couple bars about the metatango and the weird structure made me think it had +something to do with what the metatango is. But I don't know what it is." + + +/blah/2023-02-11.html + + Alliteration in news headlines is so corny. "Panic at the pump" is a +dad joke, not a headline. I'm tired of all these meme phrases, I want meat and +potatoes words. Tell me about the FNAF lore, shut the fuck up about some fake +news epidemic. If everyone else is already talking about it I don't care +because surely somebody else is already taking care of it. Tell me about a bug +in some shell script you want help with or something (no seriously, e-mail me). + Alright I'm tired I go sleep now. + + +/blah/2023-02-10.html + +Every other line is censored + When I was a very wee lass I was a very angry wee lass and spent my +[...] +an honourable pastime nor did it result in any fruits. Facebook wasn't it, +[...] +because I had 4chan.org/b tattooed on the back of my skull from creation, then +[...] +4chan. + [...] +president was a petri dish in the eyes of some and a powder keg to others. +[...] +productive programming discussions and stuff, I didn't care about productivity, +[...] +nobody ever browsed mine and I never cared about anyone else's. So at cutie pie +[...] +and troll I made some funny jokes that got a lot of replies, and kept riffing, +[...] +Anonym had a rainbow so by the time I got back to checking that out again it +[...] +massive pizzagate-adjacent conspiracy theory. And when they took it to hachi I +[...] +firing squad. I made the first couple posts, no more. + [...] +referenced the joke I had made at that point a couple years prior. I realized +[...] +myself on the news every once in a while didn't cement it, didn't feel real. +[...] + +Cardiotomy. +Take my glasses off. +Take the scrunchie out of my hair. +Take my hat off and +unzip my jacket. +Tell me you don't care. + +Now kiss my bruised knuckle +and brush my fingers with your lips +and now extend my fingers +and take the pliers from your hip + +and slide my fingernail out +from its flesh holding cell. Gently +make an incision +and rip my bones out of their shell. + +Peel the seam up my wrist +and watch my life flow out of me. +Drill a hole into my heart. + +Dear [...]: + The tomatoes are shit. I really tried my hardest to slice them and make +them nice, but I'm not good at this and I don't know what I'm doing, so they +came out like shit. I'm sorry. + The pickles kick ass. I'm happy with them. But they took too long. + The lettuce is fine. + From Trinity + +I just need to get through this week. I just need to get through this week. I +just need to get through this week. I just need to get through this week. I +just need to get through this week. I just need to get through this week. I +just need to get through this week. Dear automobile: + Why dost thou haunt my weary soul? + Roaring in your monoxide noise + letting our your groans. + Dear autombile: + I'm left walking in your wake. + Why don't you run me over + so I don't have to come to work today? + Dear automobile: + Hit the gas. Hit the gas. Hit the gas. + Hit the gas. Hit the gas. Hit the gas. + Hit the gas. Hit the gas. Hit the gas. + Dear automobile: + RUN ME THE FUCK OVER P + LEASE FOR THE LOVE OF + GOD JUST DO IT!!!!!!! + + It's a torture party and everyone's participating! + + +/blah/2023-02-09.html + +Streambreak + +Prelude + - Amber + The discovery of the Ideal Human; Amber is the ubermensch of +the 20XXs. Conspiracy theories immediately start to swirl regarding a drift +from the ideal ("the fall of the West"-ish) with the legitimacy of early Q +posts (i.e. no legitimacy whatsoever). Mix 2019-12 COVID knowledge with 2016 Q +knowledge basically and you get the Amber phenomenon. Explores the actual (made +up) science behind Amber, the realization that this discovery is sort of +worthless, and the pickup of Amber by the right wing mobs and accusations of +suppression etc. + - Slipstream + The thesis of the story; already drafted. +Day 1 + - Placeholder title + Ambulance driver gets ready for work. + - Ted's Last Day + Ted's first building burned down, his work. An accounting firm +working with JCN. Mention soup, barely mention JCN (just once), mention wife, +go from his lunch break to ignition. + - Placeholder title + Reveal that Slipstream was just a narration of Ada's last [X] +years to the coffee shop owner. Conversation about loss. Conversation about +domestication - Ada's been basically working the same job for like a hundred +years, how has she kept in touch with reality? + - Placeholder title + Follow Ted's wife out of the building into some stupid ass +meeting or whatever. Why did she go with Ted's boss? etc + - Placeholder title + Meanwhile Ted is fighting the first responders to the office +fire. Why are there so few responders? Steals a fire truck and fucks shit up, +also brutally kills an ambulance driver, the one from the first chapter of this +section. + - Placeholder title + Police get involved. The news hears over the radio and +considers getting involved. Ted crushes the police and walks off. In-police +bickering over how this could have happened. + - Placeholder title + News find Ted burning down misc. shit and interview him. Ted +starts to amass a following. Ada finds this happening and doesn't consider it's +important. Meanwhile Ted's wife (Minerva) and Ted's boss are doing things. + +Out of steam. And midnight's passed. + + +/blah/2023-02-08.html + + If you had ghosts in your blood cocaine would totally work on getting +rid of the ghosts. + + +/blah/2023-02-07.html + +#!/bin/sh +set -ex;mkdir -p blah;python -c "import os;os.chdir('blah') +with open('../$0', 'r') as f: + for day in f.read().split('\n\n\n'): + if day.split('\n')[0] == '#!/bin/sh': + prefix='\n'.join(day.split('\n')[day.split('\n').index( + 'exit 0')+1:])+'\n';continue + elif day.split('\n')[0][:4] == '<!--': suffix=day;continue + with open(day.split('\n')[0]+'.html', 'x') as g: + g.write(prefix+day+'\n'+suffix) +";cd blah;for f in *.html;do #in glob we trust +test -z "$last" || sed -i "s,_NAVIGATION_,$nav<A HREF=\"$f\">\></A></P>," \ +"$last";nav="<P>";test -z "$last"||nav="$nav<A HREF=\"$last\">\<</A>" +nav="$nav<A HREF=\"index.html\">^</A>";last="$f";done +sed -i "s,_NAVIGATION_,$nav</P>," "$last";for f in *.html;do #e unibus puellam +fi="$(echo "$f" | cut -d . -f 1)";test "$fi" = "index" && continue +printf '<A HREF="/blah/%s.html">%s</A>\n' "$fi" "$fi"; done|sort -r|\ +sed -e "1i<!DOCTYPE html><HTML><HEAD><TITLE>blah</TITLE></HEAD><BODY><PRE>\ +<A HREF="..">..</A>" -e '$a</PRE></BODY></HTML>'>index.html +exit 0 + + That's the source code to this blog, in its entirety. My writing +process was simple: + - write the beginning and initial Python portion + - pass out + - wake up at 0600 not knowing who or where I am + - see this code and continue it + - pass out again + - wake up at 1700 knowing who but not where I am + - write most of the rest + - pass out again + - wake up half an hour later, finish + + It's organized in sections though it doesn't appear to be organized +whatsoever: + +#!/bin/sh +set -ex +mkdir -p blah +python -c " +import os +os.chdir('blah') +with open('../$0', 'r') as f: + for day in f.read().split('\n\n\n'): + if day.split('\n')[0] == '#!/bin/sh': + prefix = '\n'.join( + day.split('\n')[ + day.split('\n').index('exit 0')+1: + + ] + ) + '\n' + continue + elif day.split('\n')[0][:4] == '<!--': + suffix = day + continue + with open(day.split('\n')[0]+'.html', 'x') as g: + g.write(prefix + day + '\n' + suffix) +" + + This splits the blog into days, where each day is delimited by three +newlines. Every day is two lines apart. + A day that starts with the POSIX shell shebang is the /prefix/, which +is prepended to each day. It cuts off everything until after "exit 0", the end +of the script, and after that is the actual HTML prefix to each blah page. + A day that starts as an HTML comment is the /suffix/, appended to each +day. This obligates an HTML comment at the end of each post, the same comment, +so I just made it something sort of interesting yet sort of bog standard. + I explained this poorly but I spread the code out so it's a little +easier to read, I think it's pretty simple. git.sr.ht/~trinity/homepage/tree +/main/blog, you can see how it's laid out. + Each day, prefixed and suffixed, is output as its own [day].html to the +created blah/ directory. + + Next: + +cd blah +for f in *.html + do + test -z "$last" || sed -i \ +-e "s,_NAVIGATION_,$nav<A HREF=\"$f\">\></A></P>," "$last" + nav="<P>" + test -z "$last" \ + || nav="$nav<A HREF=\"$last\">\<</A>" + nav="$nav<A HREF=\"index.html\">^</A>" + last="$f" + done +sed -i "s,_NAVIGATION_,$nav</P>," "$last" + + This replaces _NAVIGATION_ with an actual navigation bar. The actual +string has two underscores before and after NAVIGATION but this blog is held +together with shoelaces and bubble gum and I don't wanna fuck around and find +out. + I don't know how this works, I let my fingers handle the flow. + (The secret is that I just run it in my head and adjust the + beginnings and ends until it runs in my head for two times + correctly. Then as long as state doesn't drift it's all good. + This is fucky and I don't know how to explain it and I don't + really know how it all goes about but you can do really + complex but really really tight program flow just by vibing + against it and letting your fingers tap tap tap, yknow?) + +Next: + +for f in *.html + do + fi="$(echo "$f" | cut -d . -f 1)" + test "$fi" = "index" \ + && continue + printf '<A HREF="/blah/%s.html">%s</A>\n' "$fi" "$fi" + done \ + | sort -r \ + | sed \ + -e "1i\ +<!DOCTYPE html>blah
.." \
+			-e '$a
' \ + > index.html +exit 0 + + This takes all the files in blah/, builds an index, adds a prefix and +suffix to the stream, and outputs it all to blah/index.html in one go. This is +the simplest part of the script and I was worried it would be hard but it +wasn't really, it just required a little bit of embracing of UNIX piping. + + ["Streambreak"]: After experiencing a genocide, Ada Karina time travels +back to the past to prevent it from happening. However things start diverging +from plan when a soup-fueled arsonist grows from nuisance to idol to +geopolitical disaster. + ["Antero"]: Tales from a future dystopia where the very formation of +memories is outlawed. + ["Sponge"]: Olive Edgerton is an employee at an impossibly popular +burger joint, where every ingredient is grown or produced in-house. + ["Saikokon"]: After an apocalypse, the last survivor is selected as an +exhibit at Saikokon, a conference for psychic time travelers. + ["Pasture"]: Tales from after the end of the world. + + +/blah/2023-02-06.html + +2022年03月02日 + +ウサギ- + I went to the dentist. No co pay. Hell yeah! + My teeth are good. + Still working on my taxes. + I have a feeling I won't be giving you this journal. Maybe I will. It +just seems like you're a bit distant. + It's getting more and more embarrassing to wear a Soviet watch. + Watching Peacemaker (2022). Pretty good. Saw the Blade trilogy. Pretty +bad + A couple days ago someone said "there's only a couple seconds left" at +work probably about a cook time. Said I: "only a couple seconds left? I've +gotta call-" + And then I realized, for all I've done, I'm probably the first person +of which nobody would think at the world's end. + It's okay but it hurts. + And that's of what I've recently been thinking + My room is messy to a considerable yet probably easily remedable extent +but I just can't bring myself to clean it. I don't know why. + One of my old teams made the news for [...] attacks on [...] or however +you spell it. Nobody knows how racist they are but I don't think it would +change their public image. And the PR group is full of lamers still... + Working 1130-2000 or something like that. Today will probably be bad +but we'll see. Can always be worse... + Double Junior Whopperless! + Let's make that Hopperless! + We are show stopperless + Because we are so obvious! + [unintelligible drawing] + Burger Hell! + [picture of a stick figure saying "12 fish"] + [picture of the stick figure next to a square] + [2 piles of 6 circles] + [picture of a stick figure saying "done"] + + The customer came in and ordered 12 fish sandwiches. After they were +made and sent out (which took fifteen minutes or so) they changed their mind +and ordered 12 veggie burgers instead. We were left with 12 fish sandwiches. I +considered taking them home and freezing them and having them for every meal +for a couple weeks but I tried one and it was so bad I threw it out and told +management to just throw them out. + +[3:40 PM] AllisonHell: sounds like an mcr song +[3:40 PM] AllisonHell: pricking ink under ur skin thinking of meeeeeee + - some Midwest emo +[3:48 PM] trinity: i'm stealing that + +I'm strung out in my bed staring up at a screen +that I keep on my wall playing fond memories +and you're out at the stream sucking venomous things +and you pick at your skin and you're thinking of me +but I'm out and the light and the cathode ray beam +and you're pricking your skin and turning it green +and the red and the blue and the black and the pink +and I can't think of you but you scream there for me +Am I such a villain? +Am I such a bleeding heart fool? +That you can't cope now +That you cut it and bleed out by that tool? +Am I such a bitch now? +That you can't deal with the pain +and now you're gonna bleed out +and now I'll carry all the blame + +[4:16 PM] AllisonHell: oh wow I cut myself on that edge + + Today I went to the whatever surgeon to see what my teeth were doing. +Turns out they're being super mega bastards and the wise guys (wisdom teeth) +are putting pressure on (impacting) the civies (molars) and if the situation +continues things could get hairy (get fucked). So now I need $2500 to get my +wisdom teeth out. Time to pawn all my shit! + I have to figure out my insurance but the dentist said my non-wise +teeth are rad and kick mega ass so that's nice. + + +/blah/2023-02-05.html + + 2023 already? + +if i were a dog i would like to eat dog food +food,if i were,would i?eat dog to like a dog +food,if dog were,would dog? eat like i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i i + ___ _ | + To be honest, I don't think I would survive a | / \ | + day in Hell. It seems too hot. I was born and | |\ /\ \ | + sorta raised in Maine so I'm used to the cold | | \ \ \ \ | + - the kind of cold for which others make you \ \| ||_|| | + pay an arm, leg, and the tips of your ears!!! _\ \ \ \_/ / + \___/ \__/ + + I know this is word salad I just like it when the line endings match +up. + +> The only safe thing to do was put bands in your top eight so there was no +> drama. + +> But I liked the drama. + + Enveloped in flame Lex, for a brief moment, remembered playing video +games when he was a kid. He sat on the floor in front of the television holding +a game controller - affected - and played a garbled mix of polygons and pixels. +The room caught and the television was on fire. He was on fire. The TV stand, +the game console, the couch behind him, the cat. The TV went out and he was +left holding a controller that wasn't quite right and melting onto his hands. +His clothes were covered in flame. He threw the controller on the ground out of +disappointment and opened his mouth to speak and crumpled into ashes, and +remembered nothing more, ever. + + +/blah/2023-02-04.html + +[...]: I stand corrected. +Trin: Don't stand corrected. Kneel. + +I hope Hell has good ice cream flavors. + +Y'all won't see this for a while, I'm rewriting the blah stuff and making a +markup format for it (fuckscript). + + +/blah/2023-02-03.html + +2022-04-26 + +Miss You Already + Hey Trin!! I'm gonna miss you so much! I hope you excel at everything + you do!! + - Love Drew + Bye! + - Miranda + We'll miss you!!! + - Kaylah + Bye. + Rita + We'll miss you trin! Good luck with your new job! + - Kim + Best of luck + - [unintelligible] +Good-Bye From All of Us + Good Luck :) + - Lee + Gonna miss you + the [...] + - Peter + + That job gave me such bad stomach issues I ate like only yogurt for a +week to adjust. Three of those seven signateurs left that job in the next six +months. I had been there eighteen months, long enough to go from severe +incompetence to actually knowing what I was doing. At my current job I again +consider myself incompetent. But I work with what I'm given. + + "More money more problems" is total bullshit. More money is only more +problems if you're too afraid to slice and dice a little. If you wanna take the +edge off you're gonna have to fuck around with an angle grinder a little. + + Just looked up what an angle grinder is. I didn't actually know, the +name is just metal and the words are sort of iambic. + + Sarin is so OP. I'd name a kid Sarin. + +2022年02月22日 + +ウサギ- + [picture of a dog/cat thing on a windowsill] + tomorrow we're watching American Psycho (2000) + Today I work 1130-1700. Tonight I'll pick up some snacks and clean my +room a bit. It's messy but I don't think it's beyond saving. + [picture of the burger king] + Just trying to cover up the bleed-thru. + Sitcom + ["Pilot"] S1E1 + The fellas throw Trinity a surprise 9/11 celebration. + ["Trauma Wars"] S1E2 + During a Phineas and Ferb reenactment, Trinity throws a game + show where the player with the most childhood trauma wins. + ["The Long Shot"] S1E3 + Trinity and [...] come up with a plan to get raises. + ["Codebreakers"] S1E4 + The fellas break the Hayes code. + ["Wings"] S1E6 + Trinity tries to convince her friends to star in a television + pilot about celebrating 9/11. +"Prove to me that you're human." + "Excuse me?" + SUBJECT: + PHIL MANEKINO + AGE: + 35 +"Prove to me that you're a human." + "I don't have to prove anything to-" + DISINCENTIVE APPLIED. +"Prove to me that you're a human." + Phil shifted in its chair. + "I- I have a wife-" +"She too is in questioning." + "-a family-" +"So are they." + "-so what's in question? My whole life?" +"Prove to me you're not a robot." + "How? Why?" +I sat back and emitted a sigh. "Your latest medical examination revealed no +hypertension, pre-hypertension, cavieities, abnormalities. You have no criminal +background of any kind. No unusual lookup patterns on the Intranet. Thus, you +must be a robot." + "I'm a robot because I'm clean?" +"Nobody's clean in such a dirty world. Your dirt must be deeper than skin." +I selected the dremel from my toolkit. + "Oh god, no, please." + The usual pleas. +"Prove to me you're not a robot." + "Why are you doing this?" + DISSECTED FINGER: HUMAN. +"You're a cuborg?" + DISSECTED ARM: HUMAN. +I dismantled the robot made only of human components and from these and my +experience compiled my report. Family must be, too. +Operator congratulated me before turning me off. + on my usual stupid bullshit + +2022年02月22日 + +ウサギ- + It's today again. Perhaps it was today yesterday, or it's yesterday +today. It doesn't really matter. + [picture of a stick figure sitting at a table, saying "where am I?"] + I remembed in elementary school I was in the "Gifted[...]" program - +[...]. Apparently they formally I.Q. tested me but I don't know that anyone +outside the program (or myself) saw the results. + We read advanced reading books, did more complicated maths, etc. I +preffered [sic] the middle school [...] teacher, [...], to the elementary +teacher. Less strict. Anyway, I got the feeling it was a doomed program. Lack +of funding, lack of interest. Of course the public controversy around such +things. But hey, it got me reading Shakespeare in like fifth grade. A Midsummer +Night's Dream. Not my favorite of his. + I didn't really enjoy my childhood. [...] + Life was simpler. Better? No. Much worse. But I like simplicity. + [...] + [...] + +trinity@laika:~ $ curl wttr.in/?m +Weather report: [...], Maine, United States + + Overcast + .--. -26(-38) °C + .-( ). ↘ 22 km/h + (___.__)__) 16 km + 0.0 mm + +Hell's dress code is this: + - shirt, pants, intimates, et cetera; base layer + - jumper + - jacket liner + - jacket + - bandanna to cover face + - hat + - jacket hood, pulled tight + - chunky ugly really warm gloves + - leg warmers +good enough to go to the gas station. any farther and you will die. + + One fortune cookie, two fortunes: + Don't stop dreaming, otherwise your dreams will get awfully + boring. + Be smart but don't show it. + + +/blah/2023-02-02.html + + Jesus it's cold... I gotta move someplace warmer... like Hell... + + Applied for my passport today. I called the cab company at 0730 and +they said they'd sent a cab as soon as possible. Then at 0755 the cab arrived +and, knowing the trip would take like 15 minutes, I told the cabbie if they got +me to the post office to apply for the passport by 0800 I'd tip them $20. Four +minutes of extremely haphazard driving later I was down $33 and on time for the +appointment. It took like five minutes to actually apply because I'd already +filled out all of the paperwork so I was out of there and at work within the +hourish. Good times. + + Kingslayer by Bring Me the Horizon ft. BABYMETAL goes so fucking hard. +Like, so so hard. The mosh pit for the song is also usually fucking kickass. +I wanna be a kingslayer! + + It's fucking cold outside. wttr.in/?m says this: +curl: (92) HTTP/2 stream 0 was not closed cleanly: INTERNAL_ERROR (err 2) + Accuweather says this: [-8 deg C] + The forecast for Friday (tomorrow) afternoon says -10 deg C with 32km/h +winds ("RealFeel": -23). Saturday afternoon -16. "RealFeel" -31. If it gets any +lower I'm gonna have to set the thermostat to Kelvin. Jack Frost is a son of a +bitch. + + My -->ANECDOTAL<-- caffeine knowledge is this. + Tolerance is built up gradually. 80mg might stim a househusband, 300mg +might barely be enough to keep a prole awake. Cup of coffee is between 40 and +80mg. If you're drinking coffee you might as well crank it up to however strong +you want. Most people don't need caffeine, they drink coffee because of peer +pressure and it feels good at first but eventually the tolerance takes over and +it has basically no effect. You have to have a really long tolerance break to +actually reset your tolerance, it's not worth it to go on a break unless you're +trying to quit. CDC recommends like 400mg max for a healthy adult, 500 is a +good amount to actually get work done, at like 600-700 (varies per person) you +just get wacked out and don't accomplish anything. 1000-1500mg puts you in a +state of euphoric zen if you have a strong tolerance and literally kills you if +you don't have a tolerance. 2000mg kills you or a horse, both if portioned +carefully. If you overdose you're super mega fucked and painfully so; muscle +fuckiness and brain fog. Drink like 2L of water, piss, repeat until you start +to feel okay, the residual effects you have the day after will follow you for +the rest of your life. Monster 300 is like the highest caffeine potency you can +get in an energy drink so if you wanna consume caf either homebrew strong ass +coffee (boil a pot down to a cup or something) or spend like $20 on Monster and +enjoy ketoacidosis. Caffeine kills for realzies so don't overdo it and listen +to your doctor. THIS IS MY EXPERIENCE ONLY. DO NOT CONSUME PAST WHAT THE CDC +RECOMMENDS. DO NOT SUE ME FOR YOUR OWN IDIOCY. + + As far as I know, and as much as I should, + say that the powers that beckon are good, + I have to admit that they've broken a lot + of promises better to better and not + one of their oaths has been filled, just forgot. + They just make more work to do and then do it and stop + the betters from bettering and raising the top + of standards to better than there was before + the powers that beckon took hold of the floor. + + Scott pulled back the bolt and the AA battery spit out of the side of +the rifle. He reached in his pocket and grabbed another one, pushed it into the +chamber, made better aim, closed his eyes, fired. The blast burned a hole +in his sight even through his eyelids but other than the temporary optical +degradation he was unharmed. His target, however, subject to the full power of +a 3Ah battery spent in half a second, had a hole burnt through his suit and +through himself. + Then he felt a pinprick and knew a sparrow's talon, another of his +generation's angels of war, with its thin tungsten shaft and dainty uranium +barbs, had gotten lodged in his back. He turned around and shot the offending +kid with a Glock. + + I'm standing in an empty parking lot + snow is falling from the sky + it's such an empty parking lot, now + snow is falling from the sky + + I held the car door handle + snow started falling from the sky + I sighed and got my baggage handled + snow started falling from the sky + + I'm standing in an empty parking lot + and snow is falling from the sky + I'm smoking a nearly finished cigarette + and snow is falling from the sky + + I opened the car door + and I turned and asked you why + + and you said there's nothing to remember + snow is falling from the sky + +[...]: You should fuck Bs instead of As because Bs have two holes. +Trin: What does that mean??? +[...]: Another one is, 'you should go fuck yourself with a T because it has a + handle. +Trin: No, seriously, what does that mean??? + +Earl of I.fel a tell vis but I don't remember why. +Earlier toupe I felt a tell visio but I don't remember why. +Earlier today I felt like a television but I don't remember why. +Ear er to I felt like a elevi on but I don't remember why. +E r r o I felt like a lev on but I don't remember why. +E r r o fel on but I don't remember why. + +after monster #4: hiiii +after monster #7: hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii + + +/blah/2023-02-01.html + +What I had for breakfast today: A strawberry Oreo milkshake. Half a cigarette. +What I had for supper today: Chicken nuggets and a burger. The other half. +What I'm drinking: Vermont maple spice tea. And Dayquil. +Now playing: Painkiller - Nothing But Thieves. + + Jason walked up the cloud to the pearl gates of Heaven. God stood at +the door in front of a lecturn with a massive book. He (as in He) spoke first: + "Name?" + Jason paused. "Oh. I died there, didn't I?" + God curled His lips into a frown. "Did you think you would live?" + "No, I guess I knew I would probably die." + "Was it worth it?" + "Yeah, I guess. It was what needed to be done. I wish I didn't have to +die that way, but I suppose that's how it is." + God thumbed through the pages. "At what day did you leave?" + Jason told Him. + God found the day. "Hmm. That's interesting." + "I don't know much about this religious stuff. Honestly I thought it +wasn't for real. But didn't you write that book?" + "Do you remember everything you've written?" + "Well, no." + "Exactly. I forgot about this section. And to be honest-" God winked at +you "-I'm probably as much of a character as you are, Jason." + "Why did you ask me my name if you knew it?" + "You're the only one that dies like... that. That day. I'd say you're +the worst death there." + "Fucked with an angle grinder." + "Yeah, fucked with an angle grinder." + "I was hoping if You existed You'd come through for me there. Like a +'deus ex machina' sort of thing, y'know? Maybe I didn't have enough faith." + God looked into the distance behind Jason. "Honestly, I wasn't really +listening that day." + "No fucking shit! At least everyone else made it out okay because of +me, right? It was an honourable death?" + + God looked back into the book at the next couple pages. "Hmm. Yeah. +Yeah, that's pretty honourable." + "That's good." Jason leaned on the other end of the podium. "Can- can I +see Jane?" + "Jane? There are a lot of Janes." + "My wife. She made it here, right? Oh, wait - can I get in? Into +Heaven?" + "Yeah, sure, you've earned it. But your wife isn't here. Or in the +other place. Your wife's on Earth." + "What? No." + "Yeah. Jane used the cash she'd been slowly building up to buy a plane +ticket to Kazakhstan and retire." + "Fuck." + "Yeah." + "Really?" + "Yeah." + "Fuck." + "Well, you'll have a lot of time for relationship stuff up here, so, +like, have fun with that." + "Fuck me, man." The gates open and Jason started walking through before +pausing. "Y'know, times were hard." + "Yes, yes they were." + "Like, really hard. I don't think I was ever really happy, y'know? I +never got anything like that. The best I got was a fucking character arc like +this is a comic book or something. That kind of felt unnecessary, y'know? The +whole fucking me over again and again? I don't think I needed that." + "Perhaps." + "Per fucking haps. Y'know what? Where were you? Why did you write me +like that? My life has been fucking torture. Why did you do that to me?" + God kicked Jason and he fell over past the gate threshold. The door to +Heaven slammed shut, and God locked it. + +[...]: Welcome to Hell. +Trin: Great to be here. + + +/blah/2023-01-31.html + +#!/bin/sh +set -e +# UNIX manual system +str isvalue "$MANUAL_DIR" \ + || MANUAL_DIR=/usr/manual +argv0="$0" +! str isvalue "$1" || str isvalue "$3" \ + && printf "Usage: %s [name] (section)\n" "$argv0" 1>&2 \ + && exit 1 \ + || true +str isvalue "$2" && ! test -e "$MANUAL_DIR/$2/$1" \ + && printf "%s: %s: No manual entry in section %s\n" "$0" "$1" "$2" \ + 1>&2 \ + && exit 1 \ + || true +str isvalue "$2" \ + && PAGE="$MANUAL_DIR/$2/$1" \ + || for d in "$MANUAL_DIR"/* + do test -e "$d/$1" && PAGE="$d/$1" + done +! str isvalue "$PAGE" \ + && printf "%s: %s: No manual entry\n" "$0" "$1" 1>&2 \ + && exit 1 \ + || true +! str isvalue "$SECTION_DIR" \ + && printf "%s: %s: No manual entry\n" "$argv0" "$1" 1>&2 \ + && exit 1 \ + || true +<"$PAGE" groff -t -e -mandoc -Tascii + +trick or treat +girl's gotta eat +i'll bark for u +just please pay me +just grab me by the +bezel and make me wish +i was more than a +screen. please? + + Blaa + ================================================================ +| _╥µµ¢╥╥╥╥╥_ | +| ___¿ß@Ñ@▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▓_ | +| ╥@▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▒▒▒▓ | +| ]▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒µ | +| ___ ]▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓ | +| _╓▄@▓▓▓▓▓▒▓▓▒%µ_ ╫▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓µ | +| ╓@▓▓▓▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒N_ ╥¼N▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓ | +| ▄▓▓▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ßµ ╨╨ ]▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒µ | +| ▓▓▓▓▒▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒Ñ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ *▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓ | +| j▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒µ ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒Ü | +| ╫▓▒▓▒▓▓▓▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒µ_1▒▒▒@▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ß | +| ▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒Ñ | +| j▓▒▒▒▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▒, | +| ▓▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▒▀" | +| "▓╨Ñ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▓ | +| "▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒╨ ]▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▓▌ | +| `*╨╨╨╨* ]▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▓▓ | +| ▐▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▓▌ | +| `▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▓▓▓" | +| `*╨▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▓▓▀ | +| `▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▓▓▓∩ | +| __▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▓▓▓▓▓▓▓ | +| ╨ÑÑ─ "ÑÑÑÑ▀▀▀▀▀▀▀" | +| | + ---------------------------------------------------------------- +| ALTERNATIVE NAMES: bla, blah | + ================================================================ + +Trin (laughing): That's not even the grossest thing I've seen here. +[...]: No? +Trin: No. +[...]: I believe that. And that's fucked. (starts laughing) +Trin (still laughing): I feel like I'm going insane. +[...]: You do? +Trin: Not really. I already went insane a while ago. +[...]: It's the new normal. +Trin: Yeah. We're all insane around here. + +It's still Tuesday? + + I had a dream: I was in a private art gallery admiring the paintings. +Then it turned out there was a warrant out for my arrest. They'd found +something extreme enough to warrant throwing a smoke bomb through the window in +front of me. I noticed it wasn't really clouding anything so knowing it was +probably some nerve agent I ran to the door and gated over to a fractal of the +world in which I'd been. Some SWAT agent or something saw me open the door to + While that transpired I forked and gated over to the MoMA or whatever +in Manhattan. Some cars with black tinted windows rolled up from both ends of +the road so I sprinted across the street into ongoing construction where I was +shot and killed. Worth a try. +a place to which that doorway didn't usually go and sprinted through along with +me. I ran through the gallery, which was this rich guy's beautiful townhouse, +and made it upstairs where I got onto the roof. The SWAT didn't know I was +there so I jumped down and made it into a nearby forest. One for two. + +[2:59 PM] Strong Eminav_B (weak): I was expecting you to look older and a less + round face +[3:09 PM] Strong Eminav_B (weak): The way you describe ur life makes me picture + you like that before and after image of that + ww1 soldier + +What are you wearing? + I dunno baby, whatever you want... + + Carhart pants. Loose fit jeans but I'm considering tighter fit because +it'd make them easier to pack. Black. + Carhart shirt. Loose fit. I take a razor and cut the Carhart logo off +and it's just a 100% cotton shirt with a pocket that I know will last me a +while. Black. + Amazon "athletic sleeves". Tight. Black. + Some eco whatever hat. Keeps headlights, rain, and hair out of my eyes. +Black. + Carhart gloves. Spandex. Well fitting. Black. + New Balance 686 boots. Everything-proof. Pink shoelaces under all the +grime. Black. + Casio F-91W. Black. + On occasion, a bandanna tied around my neck or hair. Black. + Dickies socks. Black. + Intimates. Take me out to dinner first. Even then you'll probably never +see them. + A Hello Kitty scrunchie. Silk, maybe? Satin? Shiny. Kawaii. Not black. + Glasses. Rose colored. + +[3:32 PM] trn1ty: yeah it sorta be like that +[3:32 PM] trn1ty: blackpink +[3:32 PM] trn1ty: cutepunk + +trn1ty started a thread: trinity fits thread. See all threads. +Yesterday at 9:24 PM + +[9:18 PM] trinity: they're gonna study my work after i'm gone but idk in cs or + in psychology +[9:19 PM] sasha: in cryptozoology + +treat me like your computer +i wanna do all your math +take me apart for techno school +show all the pieces to your class + +grab me by the bezel +make me glitch the fuck out +tie me up in wires +call me a bitch and make out + +treat me like your computer +like i'm a video game +play me with your friends from school +but don't tell me their names + +unplug me from the ether +so i can't surf any sites +take your hard drive out from me +leave me on a shelf and go outside + + Rothco M-65 mansfield jacket. Sturdy. Black. + + Aside from my weird thing recently it's been months since I've felt +much emotion. My emotions and I are apart, for the better I think. They didn't +do a lot of good for me and I didn't do a lot of good for them. Good riddance. + Most of the people I know don't feel emotion. The rest of the people I +know with which I've brought this up think this is horrifying. I don't think +so. The people I know with emotion left are either priviledged or at one point +had it in a way that is to me unimaginable. The rest of us had to grow up. + I remember being scared the first time I saw Night of the Living Dead. +I haven't felt fear in years. High school, the earlier years probably. Maybe my +caf OD did something. Maybe there's only so much fear you can, and I did. +Maybe... + There is no pausing, there is no remembering, there is no recoiling. +When things go bump in the night you get a rifle, when people die you walk past +them, when everybody is dead you step over the bodies and on them if necessary. +And I'm tired but not tired enough. + _ _ + []-[]-' :(){:|:;};: ... + +---| --|- --|| -|-- -|-| -||- -|-| -||| |--- |--| |-|- |-|| ||-- ||-| |||- |||| + + +/blah/2023-01-29.html + + Fuck! + + I don't remember typing that. I got like 8hrs last night and the same +the night before! The previous nights 2-3. + + I started a Patreon. You don't get much for it, just a custom role on +feeling.murderu.us, and only on the Discord bridge. + + My Raspberry Pi is actually really goddamn fast. I put a cheapo Amazon +passive heat sink + fan on it and now it stays under 60C without a problem. +raspi-config(8) doesn't let you trigger the fan any lower than that for some +reason or I might keep it at 50. Look at this mess: + + if [ "$INTERACTIVE" = True ]; then + TIN=$(whiptail --inputbox "At what temperature in degrees Celsius sh[...] + else + if [ -z $3 ]; then + TIN=80 + else + TIN=$3 + fi + fi + if ! [ $? -eq 0 ] ; then + return 0 + fi + if ! echo "$TIN" | grep -q ^[[:digit:]]*$ ; then + if [ "$INTERACTIVE" = True ]; then + whiptail --msgbox "Temperature must be a number between 60 and 120[...] + fi + return 1 + fi + + I don't like this. I really don't like this! I'm gonna rewrite +raspi-config(8) today. Fuck it. + + +/blah/2023-01-27.html + +NPR: <https://text.npr.org/1151374507> +Headline: "Nearly all U.S. mass attackers were male and faced major life + stressor, report finds" +Content: "...Nearly all the attackers experienced 'at least one + significant stressor' within five years of the attack..." +What?? Who *has not* experienced a significant stressor within the last five +years? + These analyses don't compare the demographic to the average or median, +just sensationalize useless numbers. This is somewhat cherry-picked but the +rest of the article also sucked. + + I read NPR for my pseudo-left Capitalist news. I used to read CNN but I +would get irate at misleading headlines. I checked for some to lambast (ooo I'm +becoming a True Blogger "lambasting" my perceived enemies I'm so cool) but +couldn't really find anything that stuck out so maybe I'm remembering it as +worse than it was. Still, most of these headlines can be filed under "who the +fuck cares": + + "Ukraine's new tanks won't be the instant game-changer some expect" + but they're still useful so who cares + "Here's how family and officials who have seen the video of Tyre + Nichols' arrest are responding to the footage" + probably they don't like it because he got shot or something + who's Tyre Nichols + "Quarterbacks in the NFL playoffs are getting younger. Here's why their + age is important" + who cares about the NFL? + "US Marines officially opens first new base in 70 years on island of + Guam" + USA propaganda piece + "After 3 years of Covid, CNN went into rural China for Lunar New Year. + Here's what we found and how officials tried stopping us" + probably officials knew CNN fucking sucks ass and were trying + to stop them from ruining people's fun. article exploration + time! + the article was incomprehensibly boring and just + explored COVID-19 stuff in rural china. the tldr is + rural people don't care because they didn't really get + great treatment during the onset of the pandemic so + anyone who would've died did and now it's just a thing + that goes around. i didn't read much of the article i'm + just describing my rural town because rural towns are + the same fucking everywhere + "China still wants to control Big Tech. It's just pulling different + strings" + anti-China propaganda piece. this could have been titled "the + Chinese government still wants influence over Western + technology companies, trying different methods" but that + wouldn't be biased or completely fucking stupid. can you tell I + hate CNN? + + I could go on but my doctor (drug dealer) told me to watch my blood +pressure so I'm gonna have to chew an aspirin (drugs) to calm down (get high). + +私を殺して + +street racer at twelve +no sidewalk. street's soaked in ice +take me somewhere nice + +Note to self: mail Jared <https://soundcloud.com/cementcity-1 +/fallen-angel-cement-city-cover-panty-and-stocking-with-garterbelt-ed> + +[...] +[12:06 PM] tebicat: I read this and imagined a human organ hooked up as an hid + or something +[10:05 PM] trinity: like that person with the pinball thingies surgically added + to their brain or whatever and could be put into agony by + pressing a button +[10:05 PM] trinity: what are the pinball thingies called +[10:05 PM] trinity: SOLENOIDS +[10:06 PM] trinity: EE teacher called them pinball bumpers +[10:07 PM] trinity: cyborg but the augmentation is easy facility for torture +[10:07 PM] trinity: ping ping ping AAAAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE +[10:10 PM] trinity: in hindsight i should stop engaging with severely fucked up + events +[10:10 PM] trinity: i feel like all my random anecdotes are like hey i watched + a person die that way + + I'm not a very good leader. Today at work one of the people in my [...] +threw a bitch fit because I put them on menial labor most of the time rather +than the meat and potatoes of our job. A real bitch fit that made me pause what +I was doing for a couple seconds to tell them to shut the fuck up, but then my +superior called them into their office so that they instead could tell them to +shut the fuck up - I technically have no authority to tell anyone what to do +but people listen to me because I'm the one with the most experience. + + "I'm gonna throw a B.F.! A bitch fit!" ~ a friend of mine + + I'm not a very good leader. The issue is that I don't really feel that +whole empathy thing or anything like that. Not only can I not imagine what my +subordinates (this sounds like total dogshit but bear with me because this +wording is the best I have) are feeling but when they verbalize their feelings +there's not much I can do to understand or care because I barely have +discernable emotions besides {confused,typical,hyper,tired}. My solution to +most things is to get someone doing menial labor because I figure if they're +stressed out they should do relaxing small jobs rather than the soul crushing +eternal big job. + I don't have much to add because I don't care that much. When dogs bite +send them outside. Otherwise as long as they can still walk put them on the +leash and make them exercise. + + +/blah/2023-01-25.html + +Trinitisms: It's not preferable to drink from plastic. + + I was really pleasantly surprised to see people's caring about +microplastics hit the mainstream. This is half about that and half just that I +don't like the texture of most plastic things relative to metal cans or glass. +Except straws, I love straws. + +Now reading: <https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychochemical_warfare> + +Service: Soundcloud - trn1ty + + I had a dream last night I was walking in my neighborhood when this +bald eagle swooped down to attack me. I happened to have a baseball bat with me +so I hit it in its chest and it fell down on the ground. Then I beat it until +it stopped moving and when it was dead I woke up. + + Band name idea: sourdough starter. + +Trinitisms: Don't put ice in beverages that aren't water, or they'll get + watered down. + + I made this joke at work until everyone was sick of it and then put it +on my website because I myself was not yet sick of it. + +Trinitisms: Don't think, feel. + + And you'll be tanasinn. + +Trinitisms: A string is an array of characters. + + I hate, hate, hate, HATE programming languages that don't let me index +strings as if they're arrays. Or make me jump through hoops. C is perfect. + +Trinitisms: More magic is necessary. + + Referencing the famous magic / more magic hacker fairytale. + +Trinitisms: The only good programmers are the insane programmers. + + I miss you, Terry! + +Trinitisms: If less than one half of the packaging is in a non-Latin writing + system, the noodles will be sub-par. + + I think I came up with this in high school. I prefer Shin Ramyun and +use a Sunbeam Hot Shot to heat the water, the same since I started. I used to +have a couple a day but now I rarely have that ramen. I can get a meal from a +local Chinese restuarant and stretch it out to last me 3 days of meals. + +辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛辛 + + I hope this Unicode works because it's tofu with the default xterm(1) +font. + + I can't sleep. When I close my eyes I can see the inside of my mind. + +[2022-01-08T0128] trinity: proprietary vendor, proprietary problem + + Howard, what is flau x4c? + + Cassidy met Ada at the coffee shop for the second time for the second +time. + Ada spoke first. "How's your morning going?" + "Fine. Weird, but fine." + "Weird?" + Cassidy smiled. "I screw dials into watches, that's my job. It smells +weird. I just realized there's all kinds of dust in the air." + Ada grew pale. "Dust in the air?" + + +/blah/2023-01-24.html + +How to make lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD) + 1. [...] [...] in [...] with [...] to get [...]. + 2. Activate the [...] by [...]. + 3. Extract the [...] and [...]. +Easy! + +Trinitisms: "Disc" refers to optical and physically impressive media, such as + compact discs or phonograph discs, and "disk" is for magnetic + media, such as floppy disks or hard disks; there are however + exceptions and edge cases. + + I probably didn't coin this one but rather came up with it +independently, observing the use of dis{c,k} between "optical disc" and "floppy +disk". I'm still not sure if this is the actual rule. + +Trinitisms: catfella - the non-gender-specific form of "catboy" or "catgirl". + (coined 2020-08-11 when referring to my friend Socks) + Also in use (though not a Trinitism): nyanbinary. + + Socks is so cool. I don't know what they're up to now, probably kicking +ass somewhere on the net. I was a moderator on their short-lived Discord server +which had like a million messages in #general alone after like three months. I +met them on TikTok because we both had comparable follower counts and +everything; I left TikTok and eventually all social media and they and everyone +else stayed behind. Socks made the most realistic purring noise I've ever heard +a person make. + +Sent SMS to [...] at 2023-01-21T00:19:22-0500: +bloomberg terminal that jerks you off when your stocks enter the red + +Trinitisms: The continents shall be separated as follows: + North America, + South America, + Eurasia, + Africa, + India, + the middle-East, + and Oceania. + Though I hope someone important finds individual terms for each + America and has a better name for the middle-East if each + region's residents generally agree with me that the current + naming kind of sucks. + + I talked to a friend of mine about this but I don't remember where. Not +Discord. Maybe SMS? My SMS logs from history are totally toast. + +Trinitisms: 39 - "Thank you." In Japanese the word for 3 is "san" and the word + for 9 is normally "kyuu" so 39 is pronounced "sankyuu". +Trinitisms: Antarctica is cool, both literally and figuratively. + + The same friend with which I discussed the continents harbors +Antarctica as a special interest and told me stuff about McMurdo Station which +is cool as all fuck. + + Maslow has nothing on me. + +1 ___ +2 ______ _____/ \ +3 ________/ \_______/ \__ +4 / \______ +5/ + + +/blah/2023-01-23.html + +Adventures in nmcli(8): Secrets were required, but not provided. + Rebooting didn't work. + Futzing didn't work. + Config didn't work. + Disabled MAC address scrambling (already was disabled). + Rebooted WiFi router. + Rebooted machine. + Worked. + Rebooted. + Didn't work. + Rebooted. + Worked. + Rebooted. + Didn't work. + Rebooted. + Worked. +Hardware fault? + + What I'm reading: +Wasson, R. Gordon, Ruck, Carl, Hofmann, A., + The Road to Eleusis: Unveiling the Secret of the Mysteries. + Harcourt, Brace, Jovanovich, 1978. + +PING 1.1.1.1 (1.1.1.1) 56(84) bytes of data. +64 bytes from 1.1.1.1: icmp_seq=1 ttl=54 time=5332 ms +64 bytes from 1.1.1.1: icmp_seq=3 ttl=54 time=4710 ms +64 bytes from 1.1.1.1: icmp_seq=6 ttl=54 time=1913 ms +64 bytes from 1.1.1.1: icmp_seq=7 ttl=54 time=2131 ms +64 bytes from 1.1.1.1: icmp_seq=8 ttl=54 time=6488 ms +From 192.168.2.105 icmp_seq=20 Destination Host Unreachable +From 192.168.2.105 icmp_seq=21 Destination Host Unreachable +From 192.168.2.105 icmp_seq=22 Destination Host Unreachable +64 bytes from 1.1.1.1: icmp_seq=9 ttl=54 time=15077 ms +64 bytes from 1.1.1.1: icmp_seq=10 ttl=54 time=15891 ms +From 192.168.2.105 icmp_seq=23 Destination Host Unreachable +From 192.168.2.105 icmp_seq=24 Destination Host Unreachable +From 192.168.2.105 icmp_seq=25 Destination Host Unreachable +From 192.168.2.105 icmp_seq=26 Destination Host Unreachable +64 bytes from 1.1.1.1: icmp_seq=11 ttl=54 time=15621 ms +64 bytes from 1.1.1.1: icmp_seq=12 ttl=54 time=14801 ms +64 bytes from 1.1.1.1: icmp_seq=13 ttl=54 time=13844 ms +64 bytes from 1.1.1.1: icmp_seq=16 ttl=54 time=10823 ms +64 bytes from 1.1.1.1: icmp_seq=18 ttl=54 time=8812 ms + Awesome! + ME: 'Sup. + JOHN: Nothing much. How about you? + ME: Oh, you know. + JOHN: What's going on? + ME: Well, I'm alive, so things aren't great. + JOHN: Oh. + + PURPOSE BUILT TO BE DISARMINGLY CUTE + + Now playing: Killing Me Softly - Roberta Flack + + Based! on sodium bicarbonate. in a spoon with a blowtorch + +Antipsychotics + | \ + | _\| + V Dopamine -> Neurotransmitters -> Chemical Synapses -> Synapses +Psychosis _ ^ + ^ |\ | + | \ _ Serotonin + | \ /| +"Bewitchment"_\ / + |\ \ LSD -> Ergot <- Claviceps purpurea + \ \ ^ / ^ + \ \ | |/_ | + '-\------- Ergotism <------|-- Hosp. Bros. of Saint Anthony + \ | + '-+---------- Eleusinian Mysteries + | ^ + \ | + '-- Philosophy <- Plato + +[...] +[8:36 AM] segismundo: so, an anti psychotic does the opposite to LSD +[8:37 AM] segismundo: meaning that LSD is, by definition, a "psychotic" +[...] + + Just as Land smoked methamphetamine, Plato drank of ergot-infected +kykeon. Philosophy is an application of psychosis. + +[...] +[9:48 AM] meatgrinder #1 meatspinoza: Fantastic + +--- 1.1.1.1 ping statistics --- +837 packets transmitted, 99 received, +229 errors, 88.172% packet loss, time... +rtt min/avg/max/mdev = 39.220/30595.549/353683.940/40902.931 ms, pipe 307 + + +/blah/2023-01-22.html + + Internet's out, repo's not cloned here, guess I'm writing this in a +separate text file. + + This blah really is just a single large HTML file I edit (most of the +time). I might start splitting it up but then I don't get to read previous +stuff as I write. A lot of my revision process is just taking something I've +written, copy pasting it into a new doc, and rewriting it word by word into +something I like. It would be a lot harder to do if it was all separate text +files. Honey, where did I put my arsonted_06.txt? + + I have a job I never really talk about here because I don't really like +working and don't see why I should write about something I don't like. But my +co-workers vaguely know of the existence of this blah so I figure I'll mention +that. At least at this current job they do. Don't move up, move out. I make +sandwiches. Fast food. It's no honorable occupation. + + xterm(1) is a program I really enjoy despite it technically being hot +garbage. Someday maybe I'll fork it and fix it while keeping support for +everything but probably not. + + maia arson crimew is so cool. + + I'd like to implement Fing for UNIX but better. It's definitely +possible even in Just shell scripting. nmap(1), ping(1), etc. + + Immediately I'd like to write a history of pagers and some +documentation for raspi-config(8). + + +/blah/2023-01-11.html + + "Sounds like a pretty one-sided relationship." + "Well, yeah." Ada Karina had finished her brief account of a story that +spanned decades. + "Forty five the first time... back twenty three years from that... then +how old?" + "Oh, I uh- thirty. Even, I think." + "Eight years. So fifty three. Then you were thirty five, another +thirteen. That's sixty six years?" + "I guess." Ada checked her watch. + "You're twenty three now. That makes you eighty nine." + "I guess." + Howard tapped his fingers on the recliner. A church bell rang in the +distance; noon. The cafe would close in an hour. He thought to himself. "Older +than me." + "Not physically. Mentally I feel like my brain's on fire. Probably I +won't last much longer up in my head. But it helps a lot that I'm twenty three +by all observable quantities. And really it's more like I was trapped in +a simulation three times rather than that I actually time travelled." + "How was it?" + "How was what?" + "You spent- eighty nine, twenty three - sixty six years working towards +a relationship. I mean, no matter how good Cassidy is, is it worth it to go +that long?" + Ada thought for a moment. "For a smile? For a hug? Of course. and it +kills me that it's gone." She laughed. "Yeah. It just kills me." Ada turned her +head to look outside at the table at which she met Cassidy the second, third, +and fourth times. + Howard Polk had been the owner of the cafe for the previous two years. +He wondered if he'd be alive for the holocaust, if Ada couldn't prevent it. He +looked at his knuckles resting on the worn cotton armrest. The burns he got as +a cook at someone else's establishment decades past never healed, not on his +knuckles and not on his neck. "I lost someone too, once. The last person I +cared about. Actually cared about." + "May I ask who?" + Howard snorted. "Yes you may. The co-owner. Margeret." + "Margeret." + "Best damn cook I knew. Taught me everything I know. Everything." + "What happened?" + Howard scratched the recliner fabric and felt the texture. "We went our +separate ways, or rather, she went her separate way, getting bored of the +business or the routine or something. I texted, called, messaged back when +instant messaging was still new. And she sent me a message saying it wasn't my +fault that she didn't answer and that she was going through a rough patch." + Ada turned back to Howard. "What happened?" + "She washed up on the shore of the Nile." + "Fuck." + "I still prefer it to what you said. Even if I don't quite believe it." + A timer went off in the kitchen area behind the counter in front of +which Howard's recliner sat. Ada watched the cook bend down out of sight and +return to view with a pan of bacon. "I wouldn't believe it either." + + +/blah/2023-01-09.html + + 1000 lines since the last Ted story? + + Minerva and Ron sat silent in the car. Ron focused on driving while +Minerva frowned at the horizon. + "We should have stayed there and made sure he got help." + "Help? What help is there for him? It's a miracle he didn't end up +killing anyone. I know it's my 'duty' as manager to make sure the store's safe +but the guys'll fill in everything for the cops and EMTs and Ted'll get put +away in a place where he can't do more harm. That was a traumatic event, +Minerva. I want something to take the edge off and I wanna forget the fire and +Ted ever happened." + Minerva looked at the steering weel. "That's not a healthy coping +mechanism, you know." + Ron stared into the horizon. "Oh, fuck off. If you thought any +differently than I did you wouldn't have gotten in the car." They started to +accelerate. + + Ted had been watching the second building burn that day for probably +half an hour before he heard footsteps in the brush behind him. "You rat +bastard!" + Ted turned around to find a police officer with his gun already drawn. +"Oh. Hi. Are cops allowed to swear?" + The officer's hands' tremble was slight but visible. "Ted." + Ted read the officer's name tag. "Jack?" + "Tom. Tom Jack. You were at my brother's Christmas party." + Ted remembered a Tally Jack with which he worked. Tally invited Ted to +his Christmas party about three months prior and Ted at the time regretted +showing up. Being beaten with blessings and suffocated by songs playing in +background commercials. Every present had a logo and everybody already knew the +brands. Ted was the odd one out, as usual. "Tom." + "How could you? You could have killed all of your co-workers - why burn +down the office? You could have killed my brother." Tom's voice quivered. + Ted tilted his head and thought for a moment. "Nobody died. Would have +been cooler if they all did, yeah." He smiled softly. + Officer Jack, now angry, gripped his gun with both hands. "I could +arrest you, and the judge would give you a sentence, but that wouldn't be +justice. If you got out you'd just do this again, wouldn't you?" Ted nodded. +"Me killing you right now is justice. To Hell with the consequences." + Ted stood and watched the officer staring into his eyes but only +reciprocated in the same way a doll or teddy bear makes eye contact. Without +presence. + "So." Tom exhaled. "Goodbye." Tom braced for Ted's reaction. + There was none. Tom squared his soldiers. "Okay." + Ted finally reacted. "Car." + "What?" And then it hit Tom with all two tons of force; an ambulance +driven under the influence. Its brakes squealed but the tires couldn't catch +the dry grass and the ambulance sucked Tom under where he was run over by all +four wheels before being spit out on the other side ten seconds from death and +with his top ten most vital organs all perforated in one way or another. "Man." + Ted watched the light leave Tom's eyes as the ambulance driver +staggared out of the vehicle. Tom in terms of presentation wasn't too gruesome, +though death did have somewhat of an effect on his composure. It struck Ted as +a boring dead body. + The driver put his hands on the sides of his head. "Oh man, oh man, oh +man..." Ted was surprised he hadn't been the one hit but then remembered he +didn't care, and that the ambulance driver wasn't on fire. + "Can you hold still for a second?" + The driver paused and looked at Ted. "...What?" + + Arson Ted is my favorite character. + + +/blah/2023-01-08.html + + What I found in Flipnote Studio 3D for my Nintendo 3DS: + - 2019-09-25 0646: 9 frames. Bouncing ball demo. + - 2019-10-11 1736: 28 frames. Bouncing ball demo (the ball is liquid). + - 2019-12-16 1304: 30 frames. The word "FUCK" turns into strings and + falls onto the floor. It recollects as + a heart with "YOU" in the middle. + - 2011-01-01 2110: 60 frames. A stick figure falls into the ground and + (likely a clock leaves an impression in the snow; climbs + issue) out. Letters appear above them: "SOVIETS + WITHOUT A PARACHUTE (tm) + - 2011-09-30 1004: 4 frames. A stick figure masturbating. + (likely a clock + issue) + - 2020-11-09 2257: 55 frames. A stick figure waits at a dinner table + holding a fork and knife, wearing a bib. + Another stick figure slides a dish to the + other end of the table. The first stick + figure looks down and their mouth extends + into crocodile-like jaws before they take + a bite out of the entire section of the + table with the dish. The second stick + figure extends their mouth likewise and + smiles. + - 2020-11-10 2302: 2 frames. A small drawing of a teddy bear next to + the shaky words くまちゃん: <BR /> + 「ACAB」. + - 2020-11-16 1746: 2 frames. Words on top of a flashing yellow and + white background: i <3 LOOTERS. + + Today I tried playing Professor Layton and the Curious Village for the +Nintendo DS. It was too hard and I've given up. Half the puzzles are total +bogus (you have one match and want to heat your bathtub, start a fire, and +light your lamp; which do you light first?.. your match). The story looks good +and I like the FMV cutscenes. Maybe I'll find an edit of all of them on-line. + I rediscovered Paper Airplane Chase (DSiWare) which I had when I was a +very small child on my DSi XL. I played it a lot and enjoyed it but now it +looks to me like it's probably an asset flip of some part of another game. +Maybe WarioWare? + In total people owe me $545. I'm hoping I can get that by the time next +month's rent is due. + +/home/trinity/Pictures/the_end_of_the_world.webm (2021-03-04 2104; 3991 KB; +origin unknown) + + 00:00: A picture of Tim and Moby from MobyMax. + 00:00: A picture of Captain Underpants. + 00:01: A picture of a Nintendo Wii. + 00:02: The poster for Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Rodrick Rules (2011). + 00:02: A screenshot from PAPA's TACO MIA. + 00:03: A picture of a kid with outstretched hands displaying + Sillybandz. + 00:03: Bodycam footage of an officer shooting a figure in the desert. + Dated 2018-10-10 1454. + 00:04: Video of a police officer shooting a man in the street. The + police officer behind him is held back by a bystander. + 00:04: Video of a TSA agent searching a child for weapons. + 00:05: Video of another TSA agent searching a toddler in a wheelchair + for weapons. + 00:06: A screen capture of a computer system using facial recognition + to track school class attendance. + 00:06: A screenshot from a TSA body scanning computer. + 00:07: A Department of Defense press release showing 3D render of an + "active denial system". + 00:08: Footage from a massacre at a mosque in Christchurch, New + Zealand. + 00:09: A screen capture of a computer system tracking the positions of + students at a school. + 00:09: Footage of a police officer pulling a police canine off of a + figure. + 00:10: A picture of a poster at a school. Visible is a yellow smiley + face with "Smile" above and "You're on camera!" below. To the + right visible is the following fragment: + Our new bus + you have a sa + We have pros + and graffiti on + (italic) You are being + (italic) bus. So just sit + WE WILL P + OR + 00:10: A snippet from Sunday Today with Willie Geist, headline: JEFFREY + EPSTEIN'S DEATH LEAVES ANGER AND QUESTIONS. + + +/blah/2023-01-07.html + +2022-05-04 + +Orientation + Olive arrived the next day at 9 o'clock antemeridian having been +informed of the time she'd start work two hours prior via electronic mail. She +entered the restaurant via the two sets of glass double doors and walked to the +counter. + "Hi, I'm Olive, I'm here for my first day of work here." + The kid at the counter looked like they hadn't slept in weeks. "Hi +Olive, I'll go get the manager." They disappeared and returned from the back of +the restaurant which didn't seem to be lit, accompanied by a man Olive hadn't +met. He grimaced in an attempt to smile. "Hi Olive. Usually Paul would be here +but he's out sick." + "Sick? I spoke with him at length yesterday in his office – should I +quarantine?" + "No, the only thing of Paul's that was contagious was his smile." The +man grimaced again. "Come with me, I'll show you the kitchen." + Olive, lead by the new supervisor, followed into the dim kitchen, lit +by a single red-tinted bulb. Another kid, apparently lacking more sleep than +the first, stood at a tall stainless steel table on which four machines sat. On +the far right was the paper dispenser; it dispensed paper wrappers for the +burgers, operated by button press. The bun dispenser, operated by lever, +deposited refined-grain sesame seed buns of 12 centimeter diameter, the bottom +landing on one corner of the paper and the top landing on another. The patty +dispenser, operated by plunging lever, was a conveyor belt that lead to the +kitchen from nowhere immediately discernible to Olive. On metal wires it would +push patties, two at a time, to the table. The final machine dispensed an +orange mixture (that smelled like cheese and ketchup) and was operated by flip +lever – flipped one way, it dispensed enough syrup for one burger, flipped the +other way, it dispensed enough for another. Shik-shik, puk-puk, hrnnnnn, click. +The kid at the table made two burgers at a time before wrapping them and +sending them out. + Next to the table, on the red tiled floor, was a bucket of waste. Olive +gestured to it. "Do you do composting?" + "Oh, no, of course not. We need to count out waste. How many burgers +tossed, how many buns tossed, et cetera. We've had issues with employees +stealing product." + "Oh." Olive stared in the bucket. It held a soup of cheese/ketchup, +grease, mushed bread, and dissolving wrappers. "You count out everything in +there?" + "Yup, that's not exactly my favorite part of this job." The supervisor +turned to the table kid. "Daniel, this is Olive." + "Hi Olive." Daniel turned back to his hell. + The supervisor turned back to Olive. "You'll be replacing Daniel. Watch +how he works so you know what you'll be doing." + Olive kept staring in the bucket. "Do you have any sort of official +procedure sheets?" + "Yes, but you aren't allowed to see them." + Olivia's eyes moved from the bucket to the conveyor. "Oh." + + That was OK. Here's how I'd write it now: + +Orientation + Olive arrived the next day at 900 on two hours'notice. She entered the +restaurant via two sets of glass double doors and walked to the counter. +Holding the register was a teenager who looked like he hadn't slept in weeks. +Olive read his nametag. Sam. + "Hi Sam, I'm Olive, I'm here for my first day of work here." + "Hi Olive, I'll go get the manager." He disappeared into the back of +the restaurant, which Olive noticed was lit dimly if at all, and returned with +a man in a black uniform. The man grimaced in an attempt to smile. "Hi Olive. +Usually Paul, the manager with whom you spoke yesterday, would be here, but +he's out sick." + "Oh. Should I be here then? The interview was in an enclosed space and +for a little while." Sam brought out the bag for an order as they talked. He +pulled a receipt off a clip hanging from one of the shelves behind him, strafed +over to the soda fountain, and started pouring drinks. A set of hands pushed a +burger onto the other shelf and then receded back into the darkness. + "No, it's not contagious - fortunately. Plus the restuarant is very +well ventilated. The only thing of Paul's that was contagious was his smile." +The man grimaced again. Olive noticed the use of past tense. "Come with me, +I'll show you the kitchen." + Olive, lead by the supervision, stepped behind the counter, between the +two stainless steel shelves, carefully through a brief corridor between shelves +holding room-temperature ingredients, and followed around the end of the shelf +on the right to the small kitchen which she noticed was lit by a single red +incandescent bulb. Another teenager stood at a waist-level stainless steel +table onto which four machines dispensed paper wrappers, sesame-seed buns, beef +patties, and some sort of sauce. Four tubes ran to the table; two from the +floor and one each from the ceiling and a refrigerator-sized machine behind the +kid that had a large steel tube chimney vent also routed towards, eventually, +the sky. The kid at the table made a sandwich in a rhythmic beat. + Shik-shik. The paper dispenser was a box sort of shaped like a printer +with a large black button that used the mechanical force of the button press to +separate and spit out the burger wrapper. The box extended past the edge of the +table and a large stainless steel tube extended from its bottom through the +floor. The papers had red splotches on them, like there was an accident in +printing. + Puk-puk. The bun dispenser was a tube that ran down from the ceiling +towards the table with a lever on the front. The lever rotated a gear inside +the tube so it could dispense a single twelve-centimeter sesame seed bun, +fluffy enough to not be damaged upon hitting the bun wrapper. + Hrnnnnn. The patty dispenser, operated by foot pedal, was a conveyer +belt within a thick tube that carried a freshly-broiled hamburger patty; the +Durmer Burger signature patty, in fact. It came pre-seasoned. + Click. The sauce dispenser resembled a sink faucet, with a tube a +couple centimeters in diameter running from a valve in the floor under the +table to the hook-shaped dispenser section. On the front it had a flip lever - +flipped one way, it dispensed enough syrup for one burger, flipped the other +way, it dispensed enough for another. The large handle made a gentle but +audible click as it toggled. The signature Durmer Burger sauce was orange and +smelled to Olive like a mix of cheese and ketchup but she figured it would be +naive of her to assume that was all it was. + Shik-shik. Puk-puk. Hrnnnnn. Click. Then he wrapped them and pushed +them through the shelf into the light behind it. + Next to the table, on the red tiled floor, was a bucket, a third full, +of various decomposing ingredients. Olive pointed at it and turned to the +manager. "Do you do composting?" + "Oh, no, not here." He chuckled, which came out as a low growl. "We +count out waste to make sure the inventory sums out. A couple years ago we had +some problems with an employee stealing a ton of stuff from here so it's just +in case it happens again. Probably not really necessary but it's what the +higher-ups want." + "Oh." Olive stared in the bucket. It held a soup of sauce, grease, +the remnants of some buns, and slowly-dissolving wrappers. "You count out +everything in there?" + "Yeah. Not exactly sunshine and roses." The supervisor spoke a little +louder. "Daniel." + The table teen, presumably Daniel, looked up from making sandwiches. + "This is Olive." + Daniel looked towards Olive's knees. "Hi Olive." He turned back to his +table. + The manager turned back to Olive. "You'll be replacing Daniel. Watch +how he works so you know what you'll be doing." + Olive kept staring in the bucket. "Do you have any sort of procedure +sheets anywhere?" + "Probably. I've only seen glimpses. They keep it under wraps. This is +more sort of a word-of-mouth, creative job. You do things the best you can." + "Alright, cool." + + I don't like chocolate. + + +/blah/2023-01-06.html + +2022-05-04 + +Interview + Olive set herself down on a blue chair with stainless steel gray legs +that grasped a red tiled floor thinly but strong enough at least for her right +then. The weather outside was beautiful, a clear sky with few clouds, and the +sun would rise in an hour, though Olive could see none of this because the +cramped office in which she and her chair were captive was windowless. The +silence was set to the beat of Olive tapping her jeans with her nails and +looking at the, to her, very large vent next to the flickering fluorescent +light in the suspended ceiling. The cheap desk in front of her wasn't very big +but still barely left room for her against the wall, on it was miscellaneous +unsorted paperwork. This was the first, most potent memory Olive would have of +her time working for Durmer Burger. + There came two knocks at the door and it was ajar. The lead manager, +Paul, smiled with nearly all of his teeth before pulling it open. "Olive, is +it?" + "Yes." Olive stood up and held her hands at her sides, intending to +shake Paul's hand if he offered his. He didn't and simply sat down behind his +desk. Olive sat down as well. + "This is an impressive resume. You volunteered at the humane society +for two years?" Paul's salt-and-pepper hair stuck out under a brown DURMER +WORKER hat. + "Yeah. I had some spare time and wanted to help out." + "Good, good. I see you did take some cooking classes at school. You +might be able to teach us a thing or two. I know our kitchen can be a little +strange to new hires but I think you'll get along fine." + "I hope so." + "So do you want to stay in the kitchen, or do you want to take orders? +Maybe a little of both?" + Olive looked at the desk for a moment before looking back at Paul. "I +think starting out in the kitchen would be good, but I don't know." + "Alright, kitchen, then play it by ear. Sounds good." Paul put on a +sickness of a smile and reached out with a bent elbow to shake Olive's hand, +which she followed. + After Olive left the room Paul leaned back in his chair and began to +seize. Foam fell from his lips onto his gray uniform. The chair fell over to +Paul's right side, to the door, and Paul hit the side of his head on the +doorknob as he fell onto the floor while his chair scuffed the beige wall +behind him. As his blood dripped slowly onto the tile the fluorescents finally +gave out. Neither the kitchen crew nor the order takers heard Paul die, though +Sam, who usually was relegated to the fryer in the kitchen, noticed the light +was off while sneaking out to the dumpster to smoke a joint of marijuana. He +knocked, asked the order takers where Paul was, and continued out through the +back entrance to the dumpster. On his way back he noticed Paul's car was still +parked outside the entrance. Sam checked both bathrooms (each empty) and opened +the office door ajar to see if Paul maybe was taking a nap on the clock. That's +when Sam found the body. + After Olive left the room she walked out of the restaurant through the +front entrance, looked up and down the street for traffic, though there rarely +was any, and crossed Canal Avenue over to the Chinese buffet where she turned +right and started walking home. She watched ambulances and a police car fly +down the road and didn't see any significance in it. + Paul's shoulder was mostly holding the door shut but Sam could see the +drool on the floor. He ran away to the front and told the order takers, who +called the local emergency number. Two ambulances and a police car stopped in +the drive-through and brought out a stretcher, some paramedics, and a police +officer. While the paramedics took care of the body the officer questioned +first the order takers and then Sam, whom the officer noticed was high. Officer +Daniels didn't make a note of it. + On a computer screen somewhere (anywhere) in a factory a worker watched +a man seize and die on closed circuit television. He picked up a telephone and +dialed for his superior who was on the same connection. The superior went down +to the worker's office and stared at the still conveyor belt behind the worker, +on top of which neatly laid a number of burger wrapper papers. The superior +asked what the worker was doing and the worker explained that a man had just +died inside the burger store (Durmer Burger). The supervisor stared at the +press, then the employee, then the ink buckets that lay beside the press +peppered with warning labels regarding the composition of the ink. The +supervisor considered how hot the ink had to be to be in a liquid state. Then, +silently, the supervisor grabbed the employee by the ear and violently threw +them into the red tank. The employee opened their mouth to scream but only +music came out. The most beautiful music the supervisor had heard. It came to a +crescendo as the worker's face dissolved and they lost consciousness due to +shock but it played on even after the employee's decrescendo. Red splattered +onto the burger wrappers. + +2022-05-04 + +Recomposition + "Hey." A figure in a black trenchcoat, wearing green circular glasses a +bit too big for their head, tapped Olive's shoulder as she lay on the road +foaming at the mouth. "Hey Olive. Wake up." + Seeing that Olive was dead, the figure started walking down the road +backwards, facing Olive. When Olive's body flew up and started walking +backwards towards Alan's the figure crouched and continued sneaking, staying +out of Olive's field of view. This figure watched Olive make her way backwards +to the gas station and eventually made it behind Durmer Burger as Olive +shuffled backwards towards the ground outside the broken door and lay down in +front of it. Olive flew into the door and the glass beads on the ground +arranged themselves into a full sized window pane. The figure waited a minute +or two on a mechanical wristwatch before heading towards the front of the +building. + All was quiet in the neighborhood. No birds chirped, no squirrels +rustled trees, and there were no cars on the street. The figure in the black +trenchcoat retrieved a black purse from their belt, took out a tension rod and +paper clip, and started to pick the lock. Within a couple seconds they got +through and held the door open. Soon Olive came running out of the portal. + "Hey." + Olive clutched her arm and turned around. "Hello?" Her face was twisted +in pain. + "Hi, I'm here to invite you to Saikokon." The figure smiled with a few +more teeth than fit a human. "It's free!" + "Saikokon?" + "Yes, yes. It's quite a surprise, isn't it?" + Olive looked around her. "What?" + The figure frowned and put their purse back on their belt. "Alright, +well, I'll take that as a yes, which isn't quite consent but otherwise in a +couple minutes you won't be able to either way. I'm gonna need you to hop on +this scooter." They took a small, collapsible Razor scooter out of their +trenchcoat from a strap across their front and unfolded it. "It's a bit shabby +but I don't like cars' emissions." + Olive stared at the scooter. "I'm sorry – this is a lot to process. I +need medical attention." + "Yes, I know, and either you can pour some isopropyl alcohol on your +arm and die on that street drooling or you can get on this scooter and go to a +clinic. So which is it?" + Olive stepped onto the scooter. Her foot was barely small enough to fit +on its platform, leaving no room for the other. She adjusted her weight to +balance. + "Great. Now, I'm going to have to ask you not to puke. This is going to +be extremely disorienting for you. Would you like a blindfold?" + "What?" + "A blindfold. It obscures your vision." + "Why would I want a blindfold?" + "In case of inadverdent motion sickness or blindness." + "I could go blind?" + "You could always go blind." + "Will this increase the risks of my losing my sight?" + "Olive my dear," the figure grabbed onto the middle of the scooter's +steering apparatus firmly and steadied themself, "you have never seen." The +figure started slowly walking, dragging Olive along, both through space and +time. + + I'm writing this at 0400. I can't sleep. + I didn't sleep much the + night before this, or the + night before that, but I + just can't. + I can't sleep. + I'm not tired, except I'm + a little tired - I just + yawned. But I'm not + tired. I can't sleep. + I'm so tired. I don't + want to sleep but I need + sleep. But I can't sleep. + + I can't sleep + ! and I'm awake and I've + been awake since noon? I can't + remember and yesterday I + still only slept maybe a + couple hours for which I + am thankful but I need sleep. + And I can't sleep. + And heavy is the head + that wears the crown; + heavy also is the head of + the insomniac, the bitter + dead-wake hound that + howls in its gutty pain + and makes mortals fear + its cosmically lucid mind + that can strike upon them + an understanding so great + they too will never sleep + again. Never rest their + head on a pillow, never + lay in sheets, never + breathe a great calming + breath. They too can't sleep + like I can't sleep. + Why can't + I sleep + ? Why must I + never sleep + but stay on guard and on + edge and listening to the + rustle of the vents and + automotive traffic on the + street behind me, past my + window? Maybe I can sleep + but it's the world that + stops me. Maybe I + halt the world. I + don't care. I + just want to sleep + ! I + need to sleep + ! Let me sleep + ! + + +/blah/2023-01-05.html + +2021-07-07 + +Antero + A person woke up wrapped in satin sheets, head atop a comfortably +stuffed pillow. They remembered the two most important things: Take the pill. +Check the book. + The book. Where was the book. Their room came into view. A wallpaper of +lilacs on a cream background. Large windows, nearly floor to ceiling. The book +was to their left. + June 1, 21XX. Ah, the first of a new month. Funny how that happens. +They quickly flipped to the front. EDWARDS Eugene \ Class: Well-to-do. Ah. +Well-to-do. Well in-deed. + The last thing Eugene Edwards remembered was sitting in a pub in, oh, +what year is it now? 21XX. So 40 years prior; sitting in a pub, having a pint +of whatever happened to be on tap at that point. No televisions. No televisions +at the bar. There were people on phones though. Eugene watched them, thinking. +Kids on their phone. Is it a phone? Are they still phones nowadays? Fuck it. +Phones. Just about the same anyway. + The kids were on their phones scrolling through memetic imagery like a +hundred years prior back when lead and fluoride and Donald Trump and quantum +computers and oh god think of the children were on people's minds and when +those were the only just about the only things on people's minds no +cognitoviruses no hazards just green grass et cetera. A hundred years prior. +Eugene wasn't there, nor were Eugene's parents, nor grandparents. Eugene's +great grandparents were alive though. Given the plastic content in the +grandparents' bones, Eugene figured the times were not great. But maybe they +were okay. They could have been okay. + The concrete age. + Eugene was watching them on their phones. Whatever the fuck those +hipsters used. And Eugene watched the kid on the left, or the right - the one +farthest from the exit - Eugene watched them drop their phone, suddenly, and +tense up. Like getting electrically shocked. All their muscles tightened, their +face got red, their veins got big, like Rob Muscanis doing a dead-lift. Then +the kid passed out. Passed the fuck out. Then the same thing happened to +another kid and slowly as the kids checked what was on each others' phones it +rippled out. + Cognitohazard. That was what it was called. A memetic cognitohazard. +Sweeping the god damn planet. The Indians and the Koreans both denied it was +them immediately though they were under the closest scrutiny; India in +particular had been known for trying to manufacture cognitohazards for military +use. And all this investigation (in the wrong places) while it took kid after +kid. And killed them! A fucking memetic image. + That night was when Eugene learned about Antero. + Antero is an experimental (now not so much) drug aimed at preventing +the formation of new memories for 24 hours after ingestion. It's usually taken +in the morning; available to every class and every body free of charge from the +government not out of nefarious purpose (though that is questioned daily by a +number of folks more than suspicious of the UPK's leadership) but out of a +great need. Without Antero, fuck. Antero turns the permanent death of a +cognitovirus into a temporary absence from the brain of the user. Antero is the +penicillin of the twenty second century. Thank your local god for Antero, then +thank the drug company that came up with it, Gokko (pronounced "gohk koh") +Pharmaceutical. Then, of course, thank the Japanese. + Eugene took their first Antero the following morning, and by the looks +of Eugene's book of short term memories gone long term gone gone, Eugene had +taken Antero every morning since then, for the past forty years. Well, +thirty-six years technically, thirty six years, three months, and a day. Eugene +figured most people would be afraid to wake up forty years older (especially +given that Eugene was just about reaching UPK life expectancy of sixty-four). +However, Eugene did not have emotions; Eugene was technically a psychopath. +Though this word is antiquated now and will be far more antiquated by the time +this story occurs; psychopathy is not a real diagnosable medical condition, +rather a collection of common attributes, and the term is hampered by a very +strong connotation that psychopaths are violent and compulsively homicidal. +Eugene was neither. + Eugene's book was written in a somewhat different way from their usual +writing. At least that's what they figured at first look. On first glance, the +entries were scrawled quickly and looked dirtier than their usual work (or +their usual work of forty years' prior). Done so to save time, probably. And +the entries were bulleted and abbreviated. "I went out for dinner with Laura. +She seemed happy and has just gotten engaged to the kind-hearted and hearty +mutual friend of ours Brian." becomes simply "dined with laura. now eng. w/ +brian"; "laura" and "brian" both hyperlinks to the relevant written profiles +within Eugene's book (mentioned entry dated January 8 and both profiles updated +automatically with this information at the same time). + So, what to do today. 21XX-07-01. Go to work at Rogo Corporation. Job +is to supervise the automatic production of electric machetes and rapidly debug +errors. At nine hundred hours, attend meeting determining scope and cause of +formula errors in accounting department, and consequences. Okay. Eugene got out +of bed, went to the bathroom, brushed their teeth, and did other usual +activities similar to one does in the bathroom. Then they put on a +tight-fitting black collared t-shirt, light and thin dark blue jacket, and +black jeans, and walked downstairs to hail a cab to the tallest skyscraper in +their city. + "Memes", viral thoughts, have existed for millennia. As the time taken +for a thought to circumnavigate the world decreased, the sheer amount of memes +increased. The printing press, telegraph, telephone, television, all +accelerated the travel of memes. However, the mass popularization of the use of +the Internet mainly through the world wide web in the early twenty-first +century predictably spawned an unprecedented environment in which memes could +form, pass through the minds of millions of people, and die, in the span of +hours. This was the perfect petri dish in which cognitoviruses could evolve. + Cognitoviruses, or memetic cognitohazards, are self-propagating mind +worms that often interfere with the capability of the subject's brain to +accomplish tasks necessary in order to think. The first cognitoviruses were +temporarily distracting and rather harmless; for example, a game where, +whenever one thinks of it, they lose, which is in turn unwinnable unless the +subject never knew of the game in the first place, but of which the subject is +compelled to tell others, is a very classic example (and one that was popular +on the Internet through the mid 2010s). As research into the phenomenon of +cognitohazardous materials and the memetic transmission of cognitohazards +evolved, cognitoviruses were developed and published that began to circulate +through popular communicative Internet services, and soon became a "meme" +themselves. + It was in the late twenty-first century that a cognitovirus was +developed that was, more or less, lethal, and theorized to be the work of a +state military though the true origin is uncertain. And Antero sat as a +published paper and niche-market drug, usually applied in the treatments of +mental illnesses such as post-traumatic stress disorder or depression. In the +week following the release of the first lethal cognitovirus the usage of +communicative Internet services plummeted, meanwhile Gokko Pharma's valuation +increased fifty-fold. And so the world kept spinning. + Antero. Eugene needed to take the pill. They were halfway down the +stairs from their rented living space before they remembered and had to walk +back up. On the other side of the bed from where their book was. A blue bottle +with white cap; inside, a dozen or so green pills. Eugene dry-swallowed one and +went back down the stairs to the street to find a driver. + + This is not nearly my best writing. I thought 七月 was June, the +description of Eugene is so bland yet so pseudo-edgy. I like that Eugene uses +gender-neutral pronouns but that was because of my misunderstanding of gender +in which I thought such a thing was ridiculous and everybody should be neutral. +I like the idea of memes as weapons and still think about it - I used to do +stuff like that (and that's all I can say about that). But I think this style +of narration sucks and the world described was excessively bland - intended to +be British but without much subtle charm that colors the otherwise gray world +of England in media. It's nice that my writing's improved so much in 18 months +- or maybe I'm just not divorced far enough by time from what I write in this +blah to see the glaring flaws. + + I'm gonna have to put pipes at the start of the next one's lines +because it's reliant on the structure of the text - I can't just indent each +paragraph and shove it together to indicate relation between segments like I +can when I put random snippets of writing in here. + +2021-08-12 + +|Anonym's journey to the center of the universe +| +| began on 31 september 2021 in the town of little rock maine. anonym +| went to a big franchised or whatever drugstore to buy a coca cola. then they +| went to check out but they noticed no registers were open. yet the store was +| still open, and there was a worker there striding around the registers +| +| "hi, I'd like to check out please" anonym +| Worker: "Yes, that's for what I'm here." +| "well, ah, where should i pay for my cola?" anonym +| Worker: "Please use the self-checkouts." +| "i don't really understand how to use the automatons" anonym +| Worker: "Yes, that's for what I'm here +| I'm here to show you how to use the self-checkouts." +| "alright" anonym +| +| anonym learned to use the automatons to complete transactions +| +| "so, what do you think of coca cola? what sodas do you like?" anonym +| Worker: "I don't know. I drink any beverage." +| "you don't have a preference? even something you like more than others?" anonym +| Worker: "No." +| +| anonym left the store and continued their journey to the center of the +| universe + + That one was basically just a transcript of an interaction I had at my +local CVS. I hate my local CVS. + +2021-03-05 + +The Journey + Kenan Gleick woke up on a Tuesday morning, in a town neither you nor I +have heard of, Michigan, to a soft roar emanating from outside the room in +which was the bed in which he'd apparently slept. He recognized neither the +bed, nor the room, nor the view outside the window, nor, upon putting on the +clothes in the mahogany bureau next to the bed (business-casual khakis, a pair +of sneakers, and a black "Thanks for the toast!" tee shirt) and looking up at +the mirror above the bureau, himself. + He pocketed a cheap multitool on top of the bureau. He knew who he had +once been - a cashier at a local supermarket - but it didn't seem relevant to +who he was now. His palms had worn since he'd last seen them. He crossed the +hardwood flooring and opened the white door before entering a hall, painted a +diseased maroon, to find what appeared to be a handyman or some other sort of +contract laborer grinding through the drywall with a rotary saw. The man turned +off the blade and stared at Kenan. "That room was just empty." + "Sorry." Kenan quickly walked into what was marked as a stairwell and +treaded down the stairs until he came to the sign indicating the ground floor, +where he broke into a jog and quickly made it outside the hotel before anyone +could ask any questions. + + I remember thinking about this one but I don't know what it was gonna +be about. This is also probably the earliest piece of writing I have saved on +my computer. There are really old ones that maybe I'll dig out at some point +but I've already pasted three here for today and I can only bear so much +embarrassment at the writing of my 17 year old self. + + The trinity.moe/blah chronological cut must be so confusing to watch! + + I found an ancient blog of mine from when I was a kid. + +2016-04-09 + + Today we didn't have school because it's Saturday. I went to one of my +friend's birthday parties, [...]'s, to be exact, and I got him a Nerf Elite +Dual-Strike. It was a Nerf party, by the way, and it's no mystery of whether +Han or Greedo shot first. I did. I also met up with my (old) friend, [...], and +shot him. It was kinda boring today altogether though. + +2016-04-11 + + School was nothing special today. I've been trying to think of a +YouTube video to make. I've been getting vlogger's block. It's weird. Also, I +heard of something I think everybody should check out - a petition asking +Blizzard to stop trying to sue Nostalrius. Sign it! Please! + +2016-04-16 + + I didn't post anything for the week, since I was so busy with school, +but now it's April vacation so I can blog all I want. My favorite Minecraft +server, play.prxcraft.net, is shutting down on the 20th. + +2016-05-24 + + I've been busy this month. It's just too much, especially with +volunteering and all the other crap our school makes us do. Meh. Another day, +another blog. Another Weebly site to watch is AnimeFreak. Weebly's doing +something stupid so that entire sentence was linked. Enjoy. + EDIT: I linked the word now. Just the word. DEAL WITH IT. + + Somewhere along the way, probably inspired by Paul Graham's blog, I +learned it's less interesting to write about what you /do/ (unless what you do +is absolutely fascinating, which most of the time it is not) and more +interesting to write about what you're /thinking/. + + About a month after these I started on a webcomic which had the writing +quality of CtrlAltDel and a slightly better art quality than Arson Comics. It +had various unfunny jokes about virtual reality (which I had not yet tried), +self driving cars (which did not yet exist), arcade machines that could play +every video game ever made (which I didn't know existed), and the usual +violence-as-a-punchline, a hallmark of 00s and 10s webcomics. + My favorite webcomics were xkcd (which I discovered at the time Vodka +was published - 2015-05-22, I guess) and MegaTokyo (which I discovered on +xkcd's site footer). MegaTokyo taught me leetspeek and a ton of weaboo culture, +and I still love the common fantasy of being stranded in a metropolitan area +and being forced to just Figure It Out. Later I also read TwoKinds, Savestate, +Junior Scientist Power Hour, and others. + + I would be thoroughly shocked if I found anything older than 2014 that +I could paste onto here. My life only really began when I turned 18, anyway. + + +/blah/2023-01-04.html + + Karl and Will watched Captain James Cook sit in his recliner, seeming +to deliberate. An intravenous line was slung over the armrest from the back of +the chair into Cook's arm and he sat, catatonic, drool dripping past his bottom +lip, eyes wide open. Both of them knew he neither cared about what they said +nor was physically able to hear them. Behind them a small porthole window let +them see into the depths of outer space. + Will finished his thought and verbalized it. "So, like, what's he +thinking about?" + Karl: "What?" + "He's on tranqs or something. Is he thinking about the ship?" + Karl turned to Will. "Are you new here or something?" + "What! I'm just asking a question." + "Did you go to school?" + "Yeah." + "Did you graduate?" + "Well... no." + "Yeah." Karl gestured to the thin tube. "That's a drug cocktail of both +stimulants and paralytics. The chair measures his vitals and keeps him alive +while he can use all of his brain to think about what moves to make next." + Will reexamined the chair from where he stood. "Why can't he just think +normally?" + "I just said. He can but this lets him use more of his noggin. The dude +is basically doing six dimensional chess up in there. A good captain will +figure out the next thousand years' moves in advance, I've heard." + "I don't envy him." + + Captain James Cook stood on a featureless white plane under a black +starless sky, using a rod of wax to mark the ground in red. Taking into account +all of the nearby cosmic entities - the rocks and dust and occasional dwarf - +he charted out the next hundred years' plan, then the hundred after that, then +the hundred after that. The landscape around him turned pink as he marked the +hours to make up the days to make up the months to make up the years. + + An alarm sounded. Karl and Will ran to their respective stations. The +chair began to rouse the Captain for the emergency. + + James had finished year 963 when he started sliding down the smooth +surface. His naked body smeared the red wax on the floor as the floor smeared +it on him and after rolling for a couple seconds he was finally kicked off the +ground into the ether. Floating in space, he assumed the posture of sitting in +a chair so that his carriage back into physicality would be less violent. Then +like a dog pushed off a cliff he was back in his seat, chin wet, looking +through the porthole towards his previous home; outsideness. + +2022-09-16 + +Bookworm + I looked for a moment at a painting above the stairs and their bronze +railing. It had an elaborate painting of a symbol that resembled a Cyrillic "Щ". + "Alright, let's go." I gestured to the stairs. + "What? Why?" Aaron walked through one of the dozen or so aisles of +shelves, each packed with books up to the height of his shoulder. The room we +were in encompassed the full third floor of the cylindrical tomb to which we +were tourists, lit brightly by incandescent lamps and only incandescent lamps. +There were no windows nor would there be anything of interest past the glass if +there were. + "You said there would be one or two people here to meet us." Aaron +raised a hand on which he was raising his index finger but I interrupted him. +"If there's nobody to meet us for what's essentially a distress call, from this +'living vault' which I'd call a crypt, what got to them first? Whatever it was, +I don't wanna meet it." + "Everything here is visible. There are no places to hide, or hide a +body." At that, I scanned the ceiling but it was just uniform brick. "I don't +know where they went, but we've looked around, and there's nothing here. I +don't see why you'd be so unnerved." I wasn't unnerved – at least I didn't +think I was visibly so. On the other side of the room, which wasn't terribly +big, though it was of a reasonable size for a small library, a hardwood board +under the tightly woven carpet let out a muffled squeak. A cheap bell rattled. +Judging by the look on Aaron's face, I had given him a death glare, but after +he looked down his aisle he relaxed. "It's a cat." + I slowly stepped over to his aisle of books and there, on the other end +of the row, was a black and white cat with a red collar. I said the first thing +that came to my mind. "Its head is too big." + Aaron looked at me but I kept looking at the cat. "'Its head is too +big'?" The cat's head kept extending and growing. Whatever reaction I had +caused Aaron to turn back to the cat. "Oh, fuck." + The cat's fur grew sparse as its skin stretched wide and its head +turned a slow spiral into an upside-down position before its forehead grew +fangs and its former lips fused together. Its eyes widened and became +humanlike. The creature must have been three meters long with a serpentine head +but cat-sized body at the end, away from us. Its fangs were what peeked of a +mouth and that mouth opened its wide jaw and began to speak in a deep rumble of +a voice. "I." + I slowly reached for and silently unbuttoned the clasp on my knife +while maintaining my stare at the creature. Aaron, probably close enough to the +thing to smell it if it had a smell, trembled slightly but enough that I +noticed. I wished I hadn't gone into this damn grave without my lighter but it +was confiscated by Aaron's parents (also the governing body of this archive – +built to withstand a nuclear blast, so humanity had a "damn fine base from +which to regrow their knowledge" – Aaron's mother's words, not mine). It wasn't +something I didn't understand – I too long for a first edition Origin of +Species sometimes after one or two glasses of wine at night, and have to page +through Sotheby's catalog in order to talk myself out of bidding the next time +one's stolen out of East Germany, but if there was truly some new Dracula or +Frankenstein – aside from the books, that is – hidden in these rows, I'd be +willing to burn down a lot more than some paper or even myself to make sure it +never saw the light of day. + Aaron finally spoke. "Hello?" + The creature tore a tentacle underneath the cat's chest and swung it up +above its head, morphing it into a fleshy wreath-like structure, almost like a +set of antlers. Its head and tentacle, I noticed, bent backward as they +stretched up, to keep its center of gravity below its paws. I realized what it +was doing, forming a fractal construct of flesh and the gaps between around its +head, as a second tentacle tore through the fur on the cat's back. "Aaron. Back +away towards me." + The creature's eyes, bigger now, blue, turned towards me. It rumbled +and finally spoke, something: "Apart from the one fundamental nastiness-" it +made a gargling noise "-nineteenth century suffering from toothache." It thrust +its tentacle towards Aaron and he turned and ran for the stairs, to which I +also started running. The creature began to scream in a cacophony of fifty +voices. Aaron and I got to the end of the stairway and ran across the second +floor (fiction) to its descending stairs. I didn't take the time to look behind +myself. + When we got to the bottom-most level of the vault Aaron ran to the +telephone next to the stone arch exit, currently leading to a brick wall, and +rang the operator as I turned to face his six and saw the monster, with the +body of a cat, the face of a (for lack of better description) werewolf, and the +two tentacles of a void, approaching, by morphing its appendages into some sort +of shape that could grip onto the stone bricks of the ceiling. By the time it +had climbed its way to the center of the room the vault started violently +twisting and the centrifugal force threw me and Aaron against the wall. The +beast staggered but hunkered down, moving its body towards the ceiling. The +black oily tentacles spread out into the bricks like they were Play-Doh shoved +into a fine mesh. + The door next to us opened up and we made our way across the wall to +which we were pinned and fell through. We yelled to the engineers to keep it +twisting and the portal slid shut behind us. + Aaron's father, Robert Arsenault, in his signature suit and green tie, +jogged down the freshly painted hall to meet us and the operator of his billion +dollar vault. Aaron and I were smoking, to Robert's chagrin, and against the +advice of Jamie Simon, who was almost as well known as Robert but in different +fields. In fact, the design of the library was officially called the Simon +Machine, and used novel mechanisms to rotate an entire cylindrical building on +its base as an extremely overkill locking mechanism so no unauthorized entities +could get in. I wasn't briefed on the details, or, well, I was, but I didn't +have the three PhDs necessary to understand any of it. + A vent softly pumped air from the surface. Technically our location +wasn't supposed to be made known to the lackeys but Aaron said it was somewhere +in Peru. + "What the hell was that?" + Aaron tapped his cigarette on the previously empty ashtray next to +Jamie's keyboard. "I dunno." + Robert thrust a pointed finger into Aaron's face. "You don't know? An +animal got into my library and neither of you can even tell what the fuck it +was? Do you even know how many legs it had?" + Aaron seemed to have the same idea I had; Robert could figure out what +the thing was without our help. He wouldn't believe us if we told him what we +saw. + + Unfinished! A shame, too. I think that one could have been pretty good. +Maybe sometime I'll write a middle and ending. + + +/blah/2023-01-03.html + +2022-12-07 + +I don't think about thinking, I just think it + and I think even when I can't think about anything else + I think about my thoughts about the day it left me + and I think about it I can't think about anything else +I think about Venus and the moon and the sun + and I think about when they came and killed everyone + I think about the last time us two had some fun + and I think about when we came and killed everyone +The sky is falling off the mountains + and sirens filling my brain + and the smoke attack the smoke grenades + the blood in the lane + the sky is on the edge of the earth + and there are cracks in the night + and the SWAT team and the G-men + and the federal fight + +2022-10-08 + +1 +The one hun dred me ter sprint . +. +. +. +. +2 +and it's you that's dead in last . +. +. +. +. +3 +When . will you just ad mit . . +. +. +. +. +4 +You aren't win ning in this lap . +. +. +. +. +5 +You mean no thing . to me . +I'm try ing . my best . . +. +. +. +6 +You're a hu man . dis ease . +And my best is good e nough . +. +. +. +7 +I gave it all to you . . +Leave me a lone . I'm tir ed +. +. +. +8 +And then you just col lapsed . . +of this stuff . . . . . +. +. +. +9 +You di dn't go for the gold . +I ne ver went for the gold . +I . . went for the gold . +. +. +10 +You went for the sil ver . . +I went for the sil ver . . +And I got the sil ver . . +. +. +11 +And now you're get ting old . . +And now I'm get ting old . . +I'm look ing at the bronze . . +. +. +12 +And my hair is tur ning sil ver +And your hair is tur ning sil ver +Throw my me dal in the ri ver +. +. +13 +. How could you do this to me? +. How could I do this to you? +. Is it hap pi ness I seek? +. +. +14 +. Keep me out of the . loop +. I thought I made it ea sy +. All this time I've been so sad +. +. +15 +. And at the end of the day +. And at the end of the day +. I'm so god damn in com plete +. +. +16 +. I lost out in the race . +. You lost out in the race . +. I want what you guys have . +. +. + + A lot of what I do is foreshadowed by other stuff I do. Before Blang +(still in development and not even publicly released) was the configuration +system for ytfeed, which was weird in some areas. The behavior was mostly due +to side effects. Then Usagi, a similar fantasy computer but with much loftier +goals than Blang which never really came to fruition. When it came to making an +RSS feed reader, after ytfeed.py (which started as a proof of concept out of +boredom using some Python RSS module or something) sort of collapsed from +technical debt (look, I can use buzzwords too) I really wanted to take +ytfeed.sh and expand it to be more UNIXy and KISSy but lost motivation. I had a +couple attempts after that such as "awdri", which has one feed.py file with: + +#!/usr/bin/env python + +config = [ + "feed_dir": "/home/trinity/awdri/Feeds" +] + + But I don't even know what that was gonna be. Eventually I came up with +pigfeed which is a half-decent base for an RSS feed reader, I think. Plus its +model and design are delightful though undercooked. + +2022-10-21 + +The End of the World, And What Happened Next +1. + "Put your money in the wishing well, and your wish may well come true." +The beggar turned to me, his rotted teeth spitting through the phrase. + "The wishing well?" I looked into the field behind him. I didn't see +any well. + "It's not a <I>real</I> well. It's a wallet number. Put in +a coin and reap good luck for the rest of your life." He handed me the business +card of a preacher in the church across the street behind us. On the back was a +hexadecimal wallet code, 512-bit – a legacy address, scrawled in ballpoint. I +could hardly make out the 1s from 7s or the 4s from 9s. I put it in my shirt +pocket. + "An entire coin? I thought beggars usually wanted a fiver or tenner?" + He stared into me with orange eyes. Tattooed irises, probably to go +with his hair. "It's not my wallet. Wanna miss out?" He waved his arms out. +"Your loss!" +2. + Simon was sitting at his desk filling forms when he saw kamisama from +his upstairs window. She disappeared into the forest across the street. He +quickly ran downstairs into the trees to find her sitting on a stump at a +stream, brushing her hair. + "Where have you been? I haven't heard you in days." Simon started to +retie his right shoe which was too loose. "Are you avoiding me?" + Kamisama spoke quietly. "They're trying to take me away." + Simon finished the bunny ears and double knotted it. "Who?" + "I don't know. But I'm disappearing." + Simon sat on the stump. "Is it me? We knew this might happen eventually." + Kamisama shook her head. "No, we can't part yet. I don't want you +blindly leading yourself. Someone is doing this to you." +-1. + "I don't know what's worth putting a coin in an anonymous wallet, but +whatever it is, I don't need it anyway." I started to walk away. + He yelled behind me. "Fine! You just ignored the best opportunity of +your life!" I kept walking. + + +/blah/2023-01-02.html + + Ted wandered off as he heard sirens approach the crumbling office. His +office was a part of a sparse lot of buildings in the sparse tundra of +Underhelm, a small town on the outskirts of Dance City. The nearest neighbor to +his office, a tall but sterile, empty building, simply concrete, glass, +insulation, drywall, and plenty of carpet and flammable internal bits to start +a blaze, had a sign advertising its potential as a center of operations or call +center or something business or another that Ted didn't have the capacity to +care about. + He didn't know where he got the jerrycan, and didn't know how it still +had any petrol in it, not to mention how it was still full. Ted kicked down the +fashionable but laughably flimsy double doors to the office, then the next pair +of doors past the entryway. The interior looked like it would look really good +if it was set on fire. Ted angled the can to pour a thin stream of gasoline as +he walked from room to room on the ground floor. He admired the new-car smell, +the gasoline aroma, the new-wall scent, the benzene draw, the new tables and +chairs and light fixtures and Cisco-branded IP phones and the pattern on the +carpet and the sharp geometry of the modernist architecture and soon he was +back in the lobby, having completed a loop. Like a soldier, he turned +anticlockwise and continued out of the building, carving a petroleum circle +into the dead grass surrounding the lifeless vessel. + Ted struggled with his lighter. It was a disposable Bic that was nearly +out of butane. After a minute of clicking he was able to get a flame for a +moment and lit the gas trail. He watched the little bead of entropy follow the +path and split out into three, two following the circle and one cautiously +approaching the edifice. The brush and the building caught fire over a period +of a couple minutes and the fire roared to life. + "Must not have been up to code, that." Ted whispered to himself. "Quite +a lot of form, though. Now it finally serves a function." + + +/blah/2023-01-01.html + +2022-12-31 + + 221231_2107.wav + + [21:07] Well I'm in New York for the first time in my life, so I +figured I'd take a moment and do a, a bona fide audio blog- a- audio, what is +that, an aog? I dunno. Because, uh, there ain't no way I'm gonna get a chance +to sit down and type this, um, my first thought, uh, approaching New York, was +"My God, the city smells like soy sauce!" and it might have been the car. It +might have been me. I dunno. But uh, now I'm- now I'm here. Um, it took a +little while to get here. I was gonna plan to meet up with, uh, + [21:08] an acquaintance from back in- back in the /bpg/ days, when that +was a thing, um, but that sort of fell through. That's okay, another time. Um, +so I'm basically in the city now and I'm basically just walking around, um, +I've never been to New York City before. At one corner I saw a bunch of trash, +spilled, just like, a shrine to- a shrine to garbage. Shrine to- shrine to +waste. Um, I thought that was funny. I'm not taking a lot of pictures because, + [21:09] pictures? Who needs pictures? Also my phone doesn't have a lot +of battery, and I could plug it in but I can't even find a goddamn place to +stand around, there are all these signs saying no standing any time? I have no +clue how you could forbid standing. Um, I see city bike things but I don't know +how to use these damn things. Um, but I guess I could bike if I figured them +out, but then I'd be bicycling, and that wouldn't be a whole lot better than +walking when I wanna take a pause. So, I dunno. But it would be nice to get +around the city a little bit faster. But I'm sorta- I'm sorta just taking it +in. Because this is wild. It's uh, it's smaller + [21:10] than I expected from what my grandpa said but it's about what I +expected from what I thought, um, and it's raining and the streets are slick, +but for, towards the chilliest part of the year, it really ain't too bad around +here. I guess that's the uh, the 2022 New Year's- New Year's Eve heat wave or +whatever from our storm, a little bit prior, um, really washed away all the +snow, but yeah + <"hey yeah" + y'know, and uh- + <"Hey." + Hey. 'Sup. + <"How are you doing?" + Doing well, how 'bout you? + <[unintelligible] + What? + <"You're very beautiful, what's your name?" + Uh, Trinity, how 'bout you? + <"Huh?" + Trinity, what's your name? + [21:11]<"Najeem." + What? + <"Najeem." + Najeem? + <"That's a nice name." + Thank you. + <"Whatcha doing tonight?" + Ah, y'know, just walkin' around. + <"Uh, you live over here?" + Nah, I live in Maine. + <"Upstate? Oh, you got a hotel here?" + Uh, yeah, I'm staying in a, uh, staying nearby. + <"Uh, have you ever had a, like, have you ever had a big black dick?" + Huh? + <"Have you ever had a big black dick?" + Nah. + <"Would you like that?" + Nah. + <"You should try it. You might like it." + Y'know, maybe some other time, I'm sorta just here visiting family. + <"Alright, well I need you to give me some head real quick. Before +you go." + I don't think I will. + <"You don't have no choice." + Nah, I don't think I will. + <"I'm a murderer, you know that?" + Alright. + <"I'm joking. Have a good night." + Uh huh. You too. + Well, that was something. But that's New York. Still got my wallet. +Still got my keys. + [21:12] Still got my compass. Still got my phone. But, that was... huh. +Anyway. So, wait, I should probably say that, what he said again, because I +don't know if it it came through but he said [...] yeah. I dunno. Y'know, it's +nice to be desired. That guy was gonna chop me up into pieces but it's nice to +be desired. Y'know, I have very low standards. [...] + [21:13] So now I'm walking back where I came. "Duane Reade by +Walgreens". I wonder what that is. Um, [...], honestly if he didn't say that, +if he just asked politely, I probably would have. Um, but y'know. I should +probably check myself out for trackers later but. + [21:14] ... I like the- I like the ambience of the city. The honk honk. +The sirens that echo across the street. That really fill the- fill the noise +up, with harsh shrill, but only for a little bit, then it returns back to the +quiet ring-a-ding, buzz-a-buzz. There's a lot more people on these tricycle +sort of things, that can + [21:15] carry people. I, I never saw one before I went here. And +there's some buses, and apparently there's a Niel Diamond Broadway show or +something. And yeah, I'm pretty much taking turns at random. This must be an +Oakley shop or something. But uh, y'know, it's peaceful. And tonight's New +Year's Eve, and uh, probably not gonna be able to see the ball drop. Because I +would need to get in a huge crowd and be searched and wouldn't be able to use +the bathroom, yadda yadda yadda. And I ain't really, + [21:16] I'd rather just chill out. I like goin' to the places where the +people aren't, because usually the interesting things are the things not seen +by everybody. Are there any public bathrooms in New York? Also I definitely +went this way already. I uh, I went to a pizza place, and I think I got the +wrong order. But they said something to me, and I didn't quite understand it, +because it was in Spanish and, I mean, I- I can pick out some phrases, like I +can recognize what you're + [21:17] speakin', I can recognize the language, but I cannot translate +especially on the fly so I just stared blankly at them and then they laughed +and it wasn't what I ordered but it was alright pizza. "Psychic readings"? "$10 +special"? Are these the psychic readings? + <"Yes." + Oh, cool. + + 221231_2120.wav + + [21:20] That psychic reading was almost completely wrong, but, it's fun +to do it. I wonder how they come up with these things. Uh, they said I don't +usually speak my mind, which is untrue, usually take responsibility for things, +which is true, um, I do what I want when I want, which is true, but, I don't +sleep as well as I used to, which, I sleep probably better than I ever have. +But, y'know, that's fun. They don't have anything like that in Maine. Walking +through some scaffolding now. This is- "sprinkler fire department connection", +y'know I wonder how they design big buildings like this, I wonder how they add +to them. But not enough to actually look it up + [21:21] because it's probably really boring. ... Oh, gone in a circle +again, but, it's fun. Um, I'd like to get up, to a position where I can see the +ball drop, but I don't think that's gonna happen. Sorta just walking around. + [21:22] I can see ah, Radio City Music Hall, which, my grandmother went +to Radio City Music Hall, when she was a lass, and, she was disturbed by the, +uh, frivolous fragrant- the fragrant pandering to the male gaze. That's how I +would describe it. That's probably not how she would describe it, but, it's +about what she said. + [21:23] All the songs playing are songs about New York. But we're in +New York. Um, something something simulacrum? I dunno, I never read +Baudrillard. Probably just gonna keep going down this street. Uh, passing +West 48th, this is, what, oh, Avenue of the Americas, that's pretty cool. + [21:24] Do I have any other cool things I've observed in New York City? +Not really. It's very rainy and there's not a lot to do when it's raining. You +can duck under things, sure, but, only for the moment. I suppose you could do +so for a longer moment but, I don't know. I'm a stranger in a strange land. +When in Rome, do as Romans do. And they ain't doing that. But they are tooting +horns very loudly. + <"Five dollars, five dollars, five dollars. Five dollars. Five +dollars." + [21:25] When I, uh, when I went to do that palm reading, uh, I put a +twenty dollar bill down on the slightly wet but mostly covered table, um and, I +thought this would go straight down. Well I'll walk back then. Um, I was like +"You got change for a 20?" because it was a $10 palm reading and they were +like, er- well, not really a palm reading, more like a psychic prediction, and +I said- and they said "No, but I can do a full palm reading for uh, for $40." +And I said "Can you do a half palm reading, for $20?" And they said no but then +they said they felt bad and they'd give me a partial palm reading. + [21:26] So I did get a half palm reading, for $20 - a bargain in New +York City. ... I love languages, but I'm not much of a people person. I guess +I'm more cut out for linguistics than actual translation. Ah, it's a little +apple because it's the big apple. Um, + [21:27] yeah. There's a Major League Baseball store, I guess. I didn't +expect so much litter. I also expected the air to be a lot worse, um, one of my +friends who went here said you feel a lot more tired after walking in New York +than in Maine but I think it's because the weed is a lot stronger here. + [21:28] And he was probably blazing up. Alright, recording off. + + +/blah/2022-12-31.html + +2022-04-19 + +Snippets from /home/trinity/homepage/computer.html + + Hello and welcome to the world of computing. + This guide is intended to take you from a cursory or completely +nonexistent knowledge of how computers work or even what a computer is to an +understanding with which you're comfortable. + As this guide will go on the manner of language will shift from +conversational and casual to more formal and technical; this is because these +earlier sections are more like learning to ride a bike, where you won't easily +forget the basics, but the later sections are more like learning to build a +bike, where you may need to reference the manual later. + This is also a perpetually unfinished document, please refer to the +<I>updated</I> date as its version if your citation format permits it. + To start, let's run over some basic terminology. + Many of these terms are ambiguous and will be better specified later. +The Monitor + The monitor (term taken from the verb <I>monitor</I>), or screen +(term taken from the verb <I>screen</I>), is a raster display unit your +computer controls. In some manner, which depends on the technology your monitor +uses, there is being displayed some sort of content that your computer has +generated. It may be these very words. Monitors are usually interchangeable but +sometimes entire computers can be included in the monitor unit itself, the +concept of which is known as <I>all-in-one computer units</I> because +all components of the computer except input devices are in the same place (the +monitor assembly). + It's possible your computer doesn't have a monitor. Possibly, you're +using a teletypewriter, which prints text output onto paper using ink, though +this is unlikely as they were obsoleted fifty years ago in favor of "glass +teletypes" (<I>glass</I> here refers to the glass tube of a cathode ray +tube monitor). Possibly, you're using assistive technologies and aren't sighted. +Or maybe you're making this entire document up and are in a dream. There are +many ways to use computers that <I>don't</I> involve monitors but seeing +as they're so common-place there's a very good likelihood you are indeed using +one. +The Key-board + The keyboard is how many people input text into their computer. There +are many types of keyboards. Most people use standard QWERTY (named such after +the first five alphabetical runes that appear on the board) keyboards, where +each button is one symbol and perhaps there are special buttons that change the +meaning of the other buttons. There are also <I>chorded</I> keyboards, +where each <I>combination</I> (or chord, like on a piano) of keys +represents a symbol. + Possibly, you're not using a keyboard at all, and are instead using +assistive technologies such as speech recognition. + + My intent with the computer guide was to emphasize atypical but +important interfaces between user and machine, to make the guide relevant to +every single person who would read the guide. Making a guide only for those who +are sighted, hearing, have feeling in their fingertips, can read small text, is +ridiculous and limits the audience far too much. Accessibility is the future +absolutely. + + 0908 In the car on the way to New York City. + 1135 Still in the car + + I'm still getting over having my desktop Fx on my phone. It's glitchy +as hell but it works. Like, damm! + + A crowd had formed outside of the building, in the parking lot. Ted +stood with his hands in his pockets and tie blowing in the slight breeze +watching the blaze. + Out of the crowd a single black (trousers) and white (shirt) figure +emerged. He walked tensely to Ted and stood in front of him. Ted's blank gaze +stayed looking through his boss to the fire. + "Ted, you piece of shit." The boss, a lanky mam of roughly the same +height as Ted whose name escaped memory, sprayed a small droplet of saliva +on Ted's collar, which bothered Ted. Ted looked at his shoes pointing to his +boss's. "You're fired -" Ted smiled "- of course, and we'll see what the +authorities do when they arrive." + Ted's wife emerged from the crowd in the same attire. She looked roughly +like Ted - plain beyond words - with a softer face and longer hair. "Hey, Ron, +we're all a little stressed. Look at him. He's snapped. That's not Ted anymore. +Take it easy and we'll let the EMTs take a look." + Ron brushed Ted's wife's chin with his finger and had a look in his eye +that confused Ted. "Alright Minerva. I- I'm not sure what we're gonna do," he +turned towards the office, "about all this." This was the first time Ted had +seen his boss stutter. + "We'll get on." + Without waiting for any authorities to arrive, Ron found his car in the +parking lot and got in. Minerva got into the passenger's seat without prompt. +Ted listened but didn't watch as the car started and then rolled out of the +lot. He watched the smoke billow out of the windows. + Ted whispered to himself. "Arson time." + + 1458 Arrived at Manhattan + + +/blah/2022-12-30.html + + I occasionally write blahposts a day in advance. And who will stop me? + +[10:14 AM] Daruna_: Have y'all seen the [...] circle? +[10:14 AM] Daruna_: https://meetcircle.com/ +[...] +[10:28 AM] Segmentation fault: in any case, not only is this parental fascism, + i assume they log literally all data on your + home network considering you're giving them + access to it +[10:39 AM] Daruna_: I've never heard the term parental fascism before, but I + kinda fuck with it. They're a lot of fascistic normalized + behaviors in parenting that are just straight up abuse. +[...] +[10:50 AM] meatgrinder #1 hypocrite: you two.... It's called SAFETY + + "Parental fascism" is a pretty good term for it, I think. Parents get +goaded into tracking their kids, because tracking kids makes money for the +people for the people doing the tracking. It normalizes the feeling of being +surveilled - a comfort blanket made out of eyes and ears. I was gonna say more +but I just realized I don't have anything new to bring to this, so who cares. + + I found something in /home/trinity/bak/Documents/dog.odt: + +2021-06-21 + +I would like to become a dog + + I have been housesitting the residence of the family of a friend of +mine who are all currently vacationing (specific activity unknown) in Florida +right now in 2021 (- he and his company are all vaccinated against the current +pandemic). His family, particularly his mother and aunt, take care of three +well-behaved and often adorable dogs whom I shant name for their (the dogs' and +the family's) privacy, and the responsibility fell to me, which was at first +exciting in a bad way but is now boring in a good way. I care not only for but +about the dogs, and I like to think they care about me though they are +incapable of ever caring for me in quite the same way. But even if they don't, +it doesn't matter. They still behave, still go outside when I'd like them to +please urinate on the grass and not the hardwood floor, and still will sleep +next to me if not for companionship then for warmth. I am okay with this. + Essentially, I am a robot (in the sense that my actions to take care of +the dogs is automatic, and that I don't need significant input nor pay) in +servitude to these dogs – it's not that I mind, of course; I do love these dogs +even if they may not love me (are dogs capable of sentient love?). And this +concept is interesting. They essentially live in their paradise; they go +outside every 2-3 hours (whenever they move around usually it's because they'd +like to move around outside) and exercise their bodily functions out there when +need be, they play with each other and at least seem to have intellectual +stimulation out in the back yard, and they all get as much water as they want +and two get food whenever they want (the larger one has a stricter diet of two +cups of more wholesome food in the morning and at night). They are in heaven +and I am the robot that serves them. When I am off-line, others are there to +serve them. When others are off-line, even others will serve them. I would like +to be a dog. + Though, specifically, I would like to be a being that has its physical +needs met always and that is intellectually stimulated with equal peers with +which to interract. Why is this not possible? Robots certainly exist, and +certainly there is enough food in the world to feed everybody who needs food, +and certainly with wastewater recycling and other means of conserving the +environment there could be enough water for everyone, and it's not hard to make +a bathroom fit for humans (just make sure it's not where they eat), and it's +not hard to make this a suburban reality (for contact with both nature and +peers), and intellectual stimulation can be provided by peers and by the +environment. With automation, anyone can be a dog. Yet it seems like only the +wealthy are dogs. But dogs don't spend money! What need do they have for +overabundant wealth? + God Damn Capitalism. + + Alright, it's now actually 2022-12-30. I wanted to save my New Year's +Eve thoughts for New Year's Eve just in case I have something useful to say. +Unlikely. + + I'm probably gonna formally give up on Arson Comics (<arson.pisskink.org>) +because it's hard to follow up on it and I think the writing was somewhat poor +from the get go. I'll try to write a successor, bit by bit, in this blah. + + Ted walked through the wasteland of his former workplace as it burned. +He could smell the sweet benzene in the gasoline that had begun to ignite and +feel the summer heat, the artificial heat, his artificial heat from his embers. +Lucid yet still almost in a drunk trance he paced from the stairs to the door +as his co-workers rushed around him to get out of the burning building. A siren +called in the distance. + He recalled himself as he left the office building. Someone - Todd? - +grabbed him "How could you do this?!" + Ted only knew what he had just done as a dream or very distant memory. +"What?" He seemed to, almost as though he was a computer or automaton, reset to +his known state. "I'm Ted." He smiled a weak, nervous smile. "I love my job." + + Every once in a while I write program code that I think is truly +brilliant - difficult to figure out, but once I have, I'm amazed at how well it +works. Then I realize it doesn't work. + + hubris (noun) - hyoo͞′brĭs +1. Overbearing pride or presumption; arrogance. +2. Excessive pride, presumption or arrogance (originally toward the gods). +3. overbearing pride or presumption +The American Heritage® Dictionary of the English Language, 5th Edition. + + I hate it when blogs use Substack because I know it's gonna annoy me +with a cookie banner or e-mail popup or whatever. Tosu gets my e-mail and only +Tosu's Substack because she's really cool. If I don't know you you aren't +getting my e-mail /even though it's public/ because if you're asking you're +probably going to send me things I don't care about. Medium is much, much +worse. Just get a website and learn HTML. Right-click this page and hit "view +source"! It's not pretty but at least it doesn't ask for your e-mail. + + Discover more from TRINITY'S BLAH + give me e-mail for e-mail purposes! + _____________________________________________ ______ + | | |Submit| + `---------------------------------------------' `------' + + I'm glad to have such strange friends who would probably give me their +e-mail if I had an input box on this page, but maybe that's a testament to how +similarly strange I am. 「ヤバイ」は補足。 + + And now today's the Eve of the New Year. 0319. But I wanted to share +this cool link here: +<https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:SSTV_sunset_audio.ogg> + This is my favorite photo of a sunset. + + +/blah/2022-12-29.html + + One time when I was a kid I woke up with a shit ton of goo on my chest. +It was greenish and watery and when I went downstairs and washed it off I +realized there were three holes etched through my skin to the right of my left +breast, in the shape of an acute triangle if its corners were placed by a +drunkard. I went to the hospital and they said something like the dermal +structure (I could be misremembering this phrase) was gone. I had to, a couple +times a day for the next week, disinfect it with povidone iodine and then apply +an antibiotic so it wouldn't get infected. I still have the scar though it's +blotchy and faded now. + This must have been June or July 2021. In between the changing of the +bandage and house-sitting for a friend I wrote something about the serenity of +being a dog, which I will share if I find, and a paper about the implementation +of and different implementations of POSIX cat(1) which now lives at +<be.murderu.us/unix#posix#cat(1)>. At the time I thought both were good +but now I think neither are. Something to improve I suppose. + My way of writing was popping a can of Moxie, sitting down with a +laptop (my Thinkpad X200 Tablet), and laying down exactly what I thought. +Structure be damned! Little has changed. Occasionally I'd fire up the friend's +new PS5 and play Astro's Playroom, a delightful technical demonstration of the +PS5's hardware and showcase of the DualSense controller which was so good I +ordered one myself that week, even though I didn't have a PlayStation. Sitting +there, a cold can of pop and a hole in my chest and enjoying the bleeding edge +of consumer grade video game technology, I wasn't quite happy, but at least I +was distracted. + + +/blah/2022-12-28.html + + Get up doggy. Please! + + Here's a thesis on which I never elaborated, that I wrote for this +blah. + +2022-12-18 + +; cat drugs.txt + "Drugs are bad" is something I say to myself while I sip my morning +coffee and puff my cigarette, reading the newspaper. Then I go to work and on my +lunch break flag the dealer down on Main Street for crack and tell him my +thoughts on the matter, and he laughs and asks how long I'm gonna be making the +same joke, and oh probably another week or so. Drugs are bad in much the same +way chemicals are bad, and crystals are bad, and molecules are blasphemous, and +faith pays as long as you can still give to the church. + + Another: + +2022-12-19 + + As part of my campaign for the worsening of the world (I'm not allowed +to discuss my sponsors) my next trick will be to poke fun at websites. To me +this "web" is a little service hosted on most websites at port 80 that will +return reading material if I write a neat request in the format of the HyperText +Transport Protocol (or HTTP). Fun! Usually, though, I get a program to automate +this task for me. I like Firefox and Lynx, the latter more than the former +though I use Fx the most. There have been a number of developments to the web I +really don't like: + - Cascading StyleSheets (or CSS). +I remember when I could go into my browser settings and change the text color, +font, and size, and the background color. Now when using Fx I'm at the mercy +of the site designer who usually doesn't share my sensibilities, much less +sense. + + Also not completed. + + I wrote something else that I liked but I don't know where I put it. + + Looking through computer backups makes me very lonely. I'm currently +working on getting rid of most of my stuff - I really don't need much and it's +weighing me down. But the reason I had so much damn stuff was because I was +planning on spending my life with somebody. It's not so bad to be alone but I +wish I had planned for it, or that my plans had worked out a little better. So +it goes... + + At any given moment there are hundreds of accomplishable plots to end +the world. Most are horrifying, some are near-completion, some aren't planned +except in the back of the minds of men, where conscious thought breaks down and +only the God-daemons are left to staff the console. The following four things +strike me as things that are actually worrying: +- TempleOS (reason: [...]) +- blockchains (reason: + From what little I know about the blockchain - + which is really not a lot! - I wonder if it could + become sentient. I wonder if it already is. + Substitute "the blockchain" for your favorite.) + + The sudden growth of memes should worry me but it doesn't because when +I dove into them I found them to be a very effective weapon, and that counter- +attacks aren't too difficult to launch when needed. The main problems to be +solved are automation and timing. + I think the television show "Infowars" was actually just some +convoluted but successful attempt to inoculate a critical mass of "true +believers" (someone should come up with a term that isn't stupid) against +certain ideas. By presenting itself in a way that is just outright silly and +unbelievable except by the most gullible of its potential viewers, it +discredits its ideas and those that repeat them. To say that there is veritable +information warfare, in a way that is very new and very exciting strategically, +would not be at all controversial unless this silly television show called +"Infowars" with a kooky host and fake stories existed that discredits the idea. +To say 5G will be very convenient for law enforcement to find and prosecute or +persecute criminals or alleged criminals (politics may vary) would be to repeat +common knowledge if the stuff of "Infowars"' ilk hadn't already presented 5G as +some heinous conspiracy based not on the potential for geolocation based on +access point connection triangulation (there's probably a better term for this +but I don't draft and edit blahposts) but the idea that harmless radio waves +are some evil wireless mind control plot or whatever. + On a side note, I was tipped off to the wack part of 5G + by someone in [...] back when I was loosely associated but + included in communications. I've seen their claim repeated but + don't have a citation. Empiracally (is that how you spell that?) + though, if you need more 5G towers because the signal isn't + very strong, an accessing device will have to be physically + closer to a given tower, and so finding it will be easier if + you know to what towers it's connected. Presumably cell + providers know this (I don't know a lot about the + nitty-gritties) and provide it to law enforcement - they do + know cell location in 4G and prior technologies. But don't + quote me - look stuff up and double check your damn sources! + Why would Alex Jones give up his life, basically, just to tell some +lies on a television show? Probably, though, he's just rage-drunk and +struggling through withdrawal from slamming his fist on expensive desks. + + I'm mostly an ideas person. I wish I was more of an implementation +person but I'm just not skilled enough yet. つづく + + +/blah/2022-12-27.html + + 20XX refers to the past, not the future, in one fifth of cases. But the +past was pretty futuristic! Dream big, I need my space. + +2022-09-13 + +Slipstream +DTB + Published here under the Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial- +NoDerivatives 4.0 International Public License. + They found Amber as some DNA encased in fossilized tree sap when I was +twenty years old. A small networked community speculated that society's problems +were due to our genetic distance from our ancestors. + This was my twenty-second year, for the third or fourth time. I meet +my wife Cassidy for the first time for the fourth time next week. + I go to work. I work at a laboratory, at this time JCN, "where dreams +are made", before it's taken and turned into the National Defense Center, NDC. +I can prevent this by submitting a false, smaller figure for our proposal for +governmental funding – a clerical oversight, no more than an off-by-ten, +changes an official's perception of how "innovative" JCN can be, influences +their and eventually their leader's choice. Yang Electric becomes NDC instead; +another aboriginal creation forced to assimilate. + Someone asks me how my day is going. My day is fine. How is yours? Not +so good, Ada. Carl gets a divorce next January and dies six months after that. +Officially of grief, technically of a gunshot wound. + I leave. Today I worked on a paper I publish next month on hyper +-realistic simulation of reality, simulation into which someone could +(inexpensively) be dropped unaware. Even my first time working on this I was so +horrified at what I had created I for the first time and uncomfortably faked +numbers on my paper so nobody would be interested. One could end up perceiving +decades in seconds; trapped in hell or suffocated in heaven. Immersion is only +useful to a certain extent. + I get into my car. 667 River Road. I drive past the animal shelter at +which I worked as a teenager. Unit 5. I knock on the door. + Cassidy's uncle answers. He still has hair, I didn't know he still had +hair now. We're both on the ground in his apartment. I brought a scalpel +thinking it would be enough but I forgot this is only a couple years after Ron +got out of the Navy. He calls me a fucking psychopath and I grunt but say +nothing. JCN still sharpens the scalpels between each use – this changes +because it's overkill, we only really use them for opening boxes even by now. +He's on top of me. All I need is one straight cut but I manage to plunge the +blade into his windpipe. He chokes and coughs blood onto me. It burns like acid. +I stand up and close the door. He's living alone, working at a warehouse, on the +top floor so I don't need to worry about unexpected guests. + I have no prior connection with this corpse. He has dozens of enemies +including the children of the families he separated in the middle-East. I wipe +off the doorknob and my face, put my bandanna back into my pocket, and leave. In +this part of town I'm not worried about anyone describing my car to the police, +not worried about the surveillance because there isn't any yet, at least to the +extent with which I'm familiar. I'm back in my car. I'm staring blankly at the +road. I'm in my driveway. I'm staring blankly at the television. I'm laying in +bed staring at the ceiling. + I'm at work. I'm at home. I'm in bed. I work. I go home. I go to bed. I +meet my wife Cassidy for the first time for the fourth time. Cassidy Malcolm, my +name is Ada Karina. Last night you played the lottery; you always play the date +and truncate off the extra digits. You've never told anybody about how your +childhood hamster ate its babies and you didn't know why. Please have coffee +with me. + When I met her for the first time for the second time she eventually +confessed that she drank coffee, not tea, and that's why she was so hesitant to +meet me that second first time. She switched to tea later. That hesitation made +her meet me after she had already taken the job at the wristwatch company. + She would see her uncle next week and tell him about us if he was still +alive. I think of this as I order us two of her favorite potion, cold brewed +coffee with a pinch of cinnamon. She hasn't had this in months, she tells me for +the fourth time. I apologize for my detachment. I've seen my world crumble again +and again. I'm too far gone, and I'm sorry, and I have to move on. She's talking +to me for the first time for the fourth time and the last time and I'm not +listening. I'm sipping the cold brew and trying to taste the cinnamon, for the +last time. + The NDC euthanized Cassidy via baton. I watched from behind a window +grate in handcuffs as two children in police uniforms beat her until she stopped +moving, and then until she stopped bleeding and then until they were tired. She +slowly splintered into pieces, bending at more and more seams rolling back and +forth on the tile. Her brain chemistry was a single link too far from Amber. + I go home. I sleep. My day is fine. How is yours? To be honest, Ada, +things aren't so great at home. I'm sorry to hear that, Carl. What's wrong? My +wife won't talk to me. I don't know why. She's just slowly gone silent. Maybe +it's me? Have you talked to those close to her? + Typing, clicking. I'm staring at a light bulb, hammering phosphors off +in new familiar patterns. + They found me when they dragged Cassidy's corpse into the acid bath. +They shoved me along a steel hallway and took me to a holding cell with a dozen +other loved of the dead. + During her second final week on Earth Cassidy was rarely awake and less +often lucid. When she wasn't as well Cassidy said she felt like she was being +dissolved. She coughed up blood, lots of it. The doctors asked me if she could +have been exposed to anything that would cause lung cancer. + Ron was a loving uncle, caring brother, and courageous veteran who will +be dearly missed. Service will be held at Lisbon St. Baptist, 8-12, 5pm. +Cassidy's uncle's obituary was brief to stay within the minimum cost from the +paper. My third thirty-fifth year, he shot her in the side of her head. I +tackled him to the ground and beat him until he stopped moving, and then until +he stopped bleeding, and then until I was tired, when I collapsed next to him. +The police came for the noise complaint. + I set up tests for my project. One of the tests checks for whether a +program that only ever returns a zero value returns a true value, which it +doesn't. I pretend to not know what's wrong. My day is fine. How's yours? I- I +don't know, Ada. I'm sorry. + I entered my password into the locking panel on the door. It still +worked. I read digests of all active projects in the laboratory and took note +of one of the room numbers. I loaded both an old program I wrote and a current +program being developed at NDC onto my wristwatch, opened the door, and ran. The +other captives ran too, to a different wing of the building in a greater number. + Cassidy and I found her dog dead in her apartment two weeks after we +met for the first time in my third twenty-second year. Brick was shot with a +rifle. The police came but didn't find the round and the killer left no other +trace. I asked the neighbor across the hall and he said he didn't hear Brick +bark at whomever shot him. + I go home. I go to sleep. I wake up. I go to work. Dials spinning. +Buttons clicking. There's an issue with my database access. I call the +technology information desk. My user was deleted by accident; they adjust my +permissions so my account can't be deleted as part of an automatic process. + I ran into a steel room and threw the lab technician out of his chair +before kicking him in his chin, knocking him out. I entered my old emergency +authorization code into the computer and watched the cathode in the center of +the room start to glow a deep blue. + I publish my paper to no applause as expected. The concept was obviously +impossible with modern technology but its aspiration was noble. + I was in my forty-fifth year on the second floor of JCN. My legs shook +but I managed to walk out and into the outside air, which I didn't think I would +breathe again. I ran to my apartment and waited until I, in my twenty-second +year, the first time, was asleep. I set a code and plugged myself into the +simulation. + I didn't know how long I'd be stranded away from my time so I went to a +park to sleep, but on my way I dissolved back into the NDC, in front of a +glowing cathode. The laboratory technician stared at me. The experiment wasn't +ready! What have I done? + I answered and upon its receipt of the password the universe dissolved. +I watched the technician scream and turn to sand and I woke up in my bed, +twenty-two years old, two blueprints and a handful of vestiges and some +asbestos left in the fire-proof wristwatch next to me, unplugged from my +simulation, my consciousness slipstreamed into the past present day. + + +/blah/2022-12-26.html + + HELL MONTH; the Devil's date of AUGUST when the sun is ceasing its +scorch but the torch still lights the logs under one's feet; where there is no +sleep, no love, no TOBACCO - only PAIN! When, somehow, the torture of preparing +for another haunt September doesn't end up tearing your bones from your sockets +but STILL TRIES; when you lose every fight you pick and every punch and kick +rips into you like a beast in itself; when there is no time, no food, and no +CAFFEINE; 8月にあれ場所で私は私自身を見つました。 + In August, that place, I found myself. I would like to never see +myself there again. + +; ls -l | grep Aug +-rw-r--r-- 1 trinity users 21945 Aug 11 18:23 [...] resignation.odt +-rw-r--r-- 1 trinity users 306687 Aug 18 09:30 RTy2cq5QVR4T2ZLR.mp4 +-rw-r--r-- 1 trinity users 1466136576 Aug 30 2021 The Rocky Horror Pictu... +-rw-r--r-- 1 trinity users 35717 Aug 2 15:00 identification.jpg +-rw-r--r-- 1 trinity users 35 Aug 29 22:04 irc +drwxr-xr-x 8 trinity users 512 Aug 23 19:40 plpbt-5.0.15 +-rw-r--r-- 1 trinity users 2767349 Aug 23 19:40 plpbt-5.0.15.zip +-rw-r--r-- 1 trinity users 0 Aug 31 09:34 site.tar.gz +-rw-r--r-- 1 trinity users 36152 Aug 7 20:59 slipstream.pdf +; cd Pictures +; ls | grep Aug +; + +2022-08-06 +[9:12 PM] trinity: finished the first draft of my short story +[9:12 PM] trinity: 2.5 pages +[9:13 PM] trinity: it's kind of dense +[9:13 PM] trinity: [...]'s been reading it for ten minutes +[9:13 PM] trinity: can't tell if that's good or bad + +2022-08-12 +To: [...]; and whomever else this may concern +From: Trinity Blake +Date: 2022-08-12 +Subject: Two week resignation notice from position as [...] + +[...] - + Please accept this as my formal resignation from my position[...]. +2022 August 26 will be my last day of work. I will be moving away from [...] +and it will be infeasible for me to travel to [...] to work whether by foot or +by automobile. + I am grateful for my generous and much appreciated recent raise in pay +per hour from $14 to $15 [...]. My decision is not affected by money and +unfortunately was already in planning when I received that raise. I am also +grateful for your support and training. I learned many things during my time +here and will treasure most the ability to [...] and the development of my +ability to multitask [...]. My further career will not be in [...] but I look +forward to applying these lessons elsewhere. + I will be leaving [...] to [...]. I would prefer to be able to tell +[...] about my resignation myself but I do understand word travels fast. Again, +thank you for this opportunity and experience. + + Trinity BLAKE + 2022-08-12 + +2022-08-24 +[7:44 AM] trinity: had a dream we were [...] instead of [...] +[7:44 AM] trinity: [...] was a [...] and some other people +[7:45 AM] trinity: everything else was the same. you were monologging about how + [...] had changed. it was [...] +[7:46 AM] trinity: i went [...] and [...] went by me and said hey guys north + korea wants to know if we can put dog on pizza? + +2022-08-25 +[9:05 PM] trinity: i've developed skills i never want to use again +[...] +[9:15 PM] trinity: i feel like if i try to describe my mental state it's + extremely alarming so i'm just gonna say i'm [...]maxed and + [...]pilled and i need to go back to [...] immediately + + +/blah/2022-12-23.html + + TRINITY STARTER PACK + >fucking hates her job + >UNIX + >hates computers; knows more about computers than anything else + >"oh, no, i could never use android or ios" + >分かりますか? + >no social media; no social life + >constantly quotes obscure internet memes; hates memes + >allergic to brands and advertising + >manic pixie dream girl; not manic, never dreams + >will tell you why she doesn't like rust + + +/blah/2022-12-22.html + + 6 2s. Nice. + I'm gonna start taking the logos off everything I use. My room is +contaminated by Toshiba, Carhart, Dove, Anker, Pine64, Ziploc, iFixit, et +cetera. It's overwhelming and exhausting. Good pants are good pants, no matter +the maker. My backpack is just A Backpack. Brand loyalty is neopatriotism. + This morning while getting ready for work I dropped my backpack which +contained an uncovered Gilette cartridge razor, which shaved off my fingertip. +Ouch. I suddenly was bleeding without knowing why so I duct taped some cotton +on it (I'm out of gauze because I'm accident prone and simultaneously +forgetful) and finished getting ready, then when I got to work put on five +sticky bandages (off-brand Band-Aids) and taped them on for good measure. When +in Rome. I told my co-workers I slipped in the shower which made more sense +than my dumb ass having an uncovered razor in my backpack. Get a holder, get a +protector, whatever, don't do what I did. + + +/blah/2022-12-20.html + + I started studying Japanese again because WSJ and others from /g/bpg/ +are doing it. Went though ~300 JLPT N5 Anki cards today to refresh the stuff I +hadn't touched in a while. + I caved and have started (ab)using caffeine again as of last Saturday +(today is Tuesday. Do the math). Sigh... + + Here's a blog post I wrote for tebibyte.media/blog: +2022-12-15 + ++++ +title = "i hate smart phone" +date = "2022-12-15" +description = "some thoughts regarding the twenty first century" +license = "[UNLICENSE](https://unlicense.org/)" + +[taxonomies] +author = ["DTB"] +tags = ["opinion", "philosophy"] ++++ + + I hate smart phones with a burning passion that has caused my weak +willed hands to give up three to various bodies of water including a puddle +outside a mechanic's and a pond to which I walked through the forest. I don't +regret my actions except that I haven't killed more digital beasts. + My own current phone (until it too meets the fate of its brethren) is a +PINE64 PinePhone running postmarketOS, a Linux distribution intended to keep +good-enough smart phones running well past the expiration date on the box (or +on the manufacturer's website). Technically, though I bet most people don't +care, it's a security hazard to have an out-of-date smart phone; your banking, +personal, medical information is on there and it doesn't take too long to get +it out. Look at NSO Group and other wretched sub-scum that have evolved out of +leech law enforcement's taxpayer-funded searches of people's smart devices, +that made money because their product was good, because they could take the +data out of your cell phone like the mind flayer sucks at your brain, like Coca +Cola through a straw. Who even needs a crime scene indexed when you've Googled +"How do I kill my rapist?", when GPS and cell tower logs show you were the only +one at the scene of the crime, and when your slow descent into hell is +chronicled in your Camera Roll, and when Samsung stopped updating your phone a +year ago so all the police need to do is plug the black mirror into their +stylish plastic suitcase? The journalist documenting the dictatorship is +booking an airplane trip into a death trap if they forgot to make sure the +little version number in a menu in a menu in an app in the bottom right corner +of their home screen is high enough. I'm happy with postmarketOS's very regular +updates which are for now preventing my pocket gizmo's eternal submersion. + Why the hell are we keeping all our shit on a piece of glass? I +wouldn't trust my best friend with my nudes, why am I dumping them into a +device someone else made that I don't understand? What happened to paper? What +happened to Polaroids, to CDs, to e-mail and hard copies and for the love of +Allah what happened to cash? The PinePhone is slightly better for this. I can +call a dude that works on my phone's operating system ("Who are you? How did +you get this number?") and ask any questions I want ("It's 3:00 AM. I'm turning +my phone off.") or post in a forum and usually get an answer about what's safe +and what features will turn me into a gecko (usually Find My, sometimes +Auto Rotate). I don't even know how normal people deal with bugs in the system +or ghosts in the machine. I asked a friend. "Usually I just ask you." When you +run the "normal" phone operating systems, Android or iOS, you can't run your +own apps, which doesn't matter if all you do is TikTok and Instagram but I like +to solve my own problems which I'm forbidden to do unless I spend $2000 on a +MacBook and $100 on an Xcode license. That's iOS. Android development is free +but so godawfully slow and painful that I would probably rather be waterboarded +by someone in a clown costume, and even though you can run your own apps on +there you still can't take control of your phone by becoming system +administrator like on a normal Linux or Windows installation. You have to +"jailbreak" (iOS) or "root" (Android) your phone to have full control over it. +Why am I paying for a jail? Why am I storing all my stuff in a prison? Again, +postmarketOS is yours to control from the outset, not hiding any functionality +behind a subscription or preventing you from using your device however you want +(for better or for worse). postmarketOS supports full disk encryption with +Linux Unified Key Setup, the cutting edge of the file security field. It's very +nice. + But phones still suck, even my PinePhone, which is the best one I've +found. "There's an app for that" but it isn't available for my phone and no I +cannot fucking download your app, Dunkin' Donuts, to get that free coffee every +Thursday or whatever. God forbid I have to take money out of my savings account +like I do every once in a while because my shit job has miserable pay. I can +either use the app my bank publishes (only for Android and iOS, of course) or +go to an ATM, pay for the privilege, and hope I only have to use it two more +times that day because my bank limits ATM transactions because they were +targeted by hackers probably because their phones weren't updated. At this +point I just keep cash with me which is great except for the places that don't +take cash and instead take poker chips, ahem, numbers on a piece of plastic. +In this day and age having no social media means having no friends, which I +honestly do enjoy after the lengthy withdrawal because it's serene not having +to check everyone's Instagram story (else miss out on the Next New Thing) or +Facebook wall (else miss out on the Next New Gathering) or what have you. It is +for me worth having nothing to miss in exchange for never having that gnawing +fear of missing. I still have my phone number and on paper I have plenty of +friends in person who never call, never e-mail, never stop by, because they've +forgotten what life is like outside the app. Which I can live with, which is +unreasonable for any non-crazy person. But forgoing this rotten post-Capitalist +world of ad-soaked shitware takes a financial toll. How do you live on minimum +wage? Discounts. Download the Dunkin' Donuts app. Download the Starbucks app. +Even a god damn Home Depot app. I'm a Luddite for rejecting the last ten years +of technology? They say not having Android or iOS is self-torture but even +spending a little more of the little I have and taking a little more time of my +little left to engage with the analog pleasures of the world is in my mind much +more tolerable than the endless thoughtless suffering of the digital era and +casino-floor news cattle feed and disintegration of person from world. So I +suppose if I'm broke, I'm broke by choice, but it's a choice I never felt +comfortable making. + Better the screen in the puddle than my head under the water. Reason +died with the atom bomb. + + +/blah/2022-11-29.html + + I think around the time of the last blah post I quit caffeine. I abused +the hell out of caffeine, I think more than all except a couple businessmen who +turned to the vegan alternative to cocaine, so let that be a cautionary tale - +four or five Monsters a day was my intake, or around 0.5g caffeine spread +across the day, intermittently over + +- holy shit, kingpossum radio is playing Ghost by nelward. kingpossum radio + KICKS ASS!!!! + +five or seven years or so, and i'm gonna be recovering from that for a little +while. My memory's really, really bad currently. + Anyway I figured I'd do a little day in the life of Trinity tale. This +one's just describing a typical day but most of my days are weird and have some +complication that I have to deal with. + +0750 casio f91w goes off. i hit it. i'm sleeping on the floor in a sleeping + bag with a pillow. i take my medication and spend an hour or two + reading random internet and web journals +1000 i go to work +1100 i get to work +1630 i have my break. i spend it reading random internet and web journals, + or maybe soldering together something that has broken +1700 back to work +1900 i'm out of work. i spend an hour or two there reading random internet + and web journals, or maybe soldering, or maybe programming or writing +2100 i walk home. maybe on the way i meet some nice people. hopefully pet + their doggies if they have doggies +2200 i get home probably. i write some stuff +2300 i go to sleep (hopefully) +0100 i go to sleep (probably) + + I got my Pinephone back up and running the day after the last blah post +so I do have a phone again. It's kind of janky though. + + +/blah/2022-11-12.html + + I don't remember anything from the last week or so including that last +blahpast so let's start from this morning which I do remember. I remember +waking up to my alarm's fourth or fifth ringing after having hit Snooze three +or four times, I remember going to the bathroom, I remember washing my hands, +and then I remember looking over and seeing the toilet backed up and all of +the drain's contents spewing out over the lid. + After calling my boss and informing them I would be late to work (Hey, +Boss, I'm gonna be late to work today, the toilet's fucken backed up or +something. Hi Trinity this is the second time you've called us instead of your +new job.) I cleaned it all up and did the laundry with my piss clothes and the +piss towels that had soaked up the piss. Then, upon changing it from the washer +to the dryer, I found my phone. + So I have no phone now. Life's a bitch. + + +/blah/2022-11-05.html + + You can walk into walk-in freezers and just scream at the top of your +lungs and nobody can hear you. It's common practice. + + +/blah/2022-11-01.html + + Georgio handed me a stack of Benjamins. "Count them." + I did. Five thousand yuu-ess-dee. + "We'll never speak of this again." And so we didn't. I walked over to +the gas station and bought a Twinkie for zero point one per cent (five yuu-ess +-dee) of one man's life, and then hailed a cab for which I payed zero point two +per cent (ten dollars) of one man's life, or you could say one man's life is +worth five hundred taxi rides, or a thousand Twinkies, or you could say Harry +died so I could eat a Twinkie and ride this taxi and smoke this cigarette and +do this all without the cloud of debt hanging over me, clawing at my shoulders, +digging at my thoughts, eating at my brain. + When I got to my apartment, or room, I should say, it being one +singular room with some cubicle dividers up for the toilet in the corner, that +houses myself, my wife, and our two kids, products of a poor education and even +poorer knowledge of birth control, and teenagers who didn't know what they were +doing in the back of a car one night, and my Twinkie wrapper, which I threw +away, but which my wife still saw, my wife hit me with an open palm, swore at +me, told me how could I, kill an innocent man for a Twinkie and a cigarette, +forgetting the car ride and our childrens' full bellies. + I've forgotten the meaning of life, or, a life, besides a number, five +thousand yuu-ess-dee, 5000USD, a box on a spreadsheet on my bank record next to +a box marked "Inheritance". A life is, to my wife, worth a lifetime, of +memories of Christmases and New Years and Thanksgivings and birthdays, of kind +words and kind gifts and long hours at the mill, worth more than any finite, +tangible amount of money, somehow, forgetting the car ride and our childrens' +full bellies. + + I wonder if I'll remember the pattern the tiles make on the floor of +the bathroom at my workplace. Distinct yet unimportant. + + I went to a clinic today and got free Narcan, which is pretty swag, but +I don't know how to administer it, so that's not pretty swag. But they're +sending me instructions so that'll be groovy as fuck. + + I'm developing a fairly sharp wit which is pretty cool because my +comeback game is as the kids say lit AF; literally and financially [awesome]. + + One of the Monster Cereals makes your poop blue, but I don't know +which. Maybe all of them? + + +/blah/2022-10-31.html + + I've decided today I'm gonna try all of the currently available Monster +Cereals from General Mills, Count Chocula, Franken Berry, and Boo Berry, in a +single day, this Halloween. I couldn't find Fruit Brute even though it was +supposedly re-launched this year and according to Wikipedia Fruity Mummy Yummy +hasn't been available since 2014, so that's something for 2024 I suppose. + Franken Berry, my breakfast today, was alright. It's fruity +marshmallows with fruity grain cereal, sort of like a fruity version of Lucky +Charms. I had it with skim milk which I prefer to the previous time I had it +when I had it dry. I would prefer Cap'n Crunch, my favorite uber-sugary cereal, +or Wheaties, my favorite breakfast cereal in general, but it was fine and if I +were 8 years old I'd definitely enjoy it as much as any other breakfast cereal. + It's worth noting that prior to my 2200-hour bowl of Cinnamon Toast +Crunch a month or so ago I hadn't had breakfast cereal with or without milk +since around 2019, so my tastes have been reset towards ramen and pizza (I'm +not a particularly wealthy individual). I did consume probably a couple +freighters' worth of breakfast cereal when I was a lass, particularly the +supermarket's version of Coco Pebbles (Coco Dino Bites, I think?) which left +the milk a thick chocolaty mess when finished the solid bits which gave 14 year +old Trinity the sugar she needed to not fall asleep in math class, but as I got +older I stopped having breakfast because I didn't need it, I needed to lose +weight, and it saved me some money I could instead spend on cocaine and +hookers. + + I have now had the Count Chocula for lunch. My stomach has begun to +ache. The milk was rendered into chocolate by the time I was done with my two +bowls, which was sick as fuck and quite enjoyable, but the milk is pummelling +my pitiful soygirl stomach which cannot handle this monster lactose. I fear I +shall die. This goal of mine, my dragon, will be slain, and Halloween 2022 and +its great street cred will be in mine hands. + In other news, I went to the bank to get some cash, and I think the +teller thought I was a crazy person (to be fair, I am, but usually I pass as +sane pretty well) because I don't know how banks work and I just wanted 200USD +cash. + + Today I learned BBL = brazilian butt lift. + + I hasten to finish this blah post, to commit before November arrives. +My goal of consuming all three available General Mills Monster Cereals was a +success, though at what cost time will tell. My veins are glucose, my lungs +take and give a bitter sweet sugary air. Possibly tomorrow I'll have developed +type II diabetes, if not the simple affliction of death due to ketoacidosis. A +fate dealt by a worthy opponent - breakfast cereal. + Boo Berry was pretty good, I think the best. + + +/blah/2022-10-30.html + + THIS SICKLY SWEET CANDY + MAY ROT YOUR TEETH! + THE MORE YOU CONSUME, + THE LESS YOU'LL EVER EAT! + GUESS HOW MANY KERNELS + CAN FIT IN THIS CONTAINER, + AND TAKE IT ALL HOME. + EAT IT ALL LATER! + + ^ + `- A candy corn guessing game slogan I wrote. + + +/blah/2022-10-29.html + + Halloween season begins! I was gonna sneak into some college parties +but instead I stayed home to be comfy in bed because I'm 2tired2party. And you +know what? Damn right. Word. + + +/blah/2022-10-28.html + + I'm cold !!! + + I wanna be w a r m !!! + + how crackheads be bloggn oh what up CHECK THIS OUT NFT PROJECT ELON +MUSK FUCK YEAH!!! REDDIT.COM 4CHAN SOYJACK GREENTEXT COPE SEETHE BASED CRINGE + + ############################### + # # # # # #|libwawy|# # # # # # + # # # # # |of alek| # # # # # + # # # # # |zandwia| # # # # # + # # # # # |pwease | # # # # # + # # # # # | dont | # # # # # + # # # # # #| buwn |# # # # # # + ############################### + + I am 97.7F but idk what that is in normal is that cold????????????????? + + ewon musk owns twittew uwu teswa caw man vwoom vwoom tweet tweet + + + +/blah/2022-10-27.html + + psychological pay decline + + 8:00 snooze 8:15 snooze 8:30 snooze 8:45 snooze 9:00 snooze 9:15 time +to wake up. I got dressed, took a shower, and walked to work. A much simpler +time. + "Seven hundred dollars. That's how much it cost for a tank of oil." The +taxi driver today was talking about the economy, I think. "It's gonna be a hard +winter." The lights dance on the dashboard in the still night and the wind +whistles in the window and I spend most of my time in the cab mentally +rehearsing my interaction with the chemist at the pharmacy. "I'd like to pick +up a prescription." "I'd like to pick up a prescription." Really nail down that +line. + Yesterday I got a partial fill which got me through this morning. Every +time I go to the pharmacy there's some sort of catch, some sort of issue that +means I have to call someone and sort something out. This one was particularly +bad in that the prescription was actually nixed because of the insurance and I +had to get a new one, and they sent it to the wrong place. All this for two +weeks' worth of a substance that isn't scheduled, doesn't really have any ab +-usage, and is fairly common. It's such a hassle. + I got some energy drinks and energy bars at the supermarket and had a +dinner in a lawn outside before walking home. Now I get to go to sleep and do +it all over again. + +2022-09-30 + + [notes from the voice recorder] + + [20:53] Cap'n lo-. Cap'n- cap- cap- cap'n's log. Cap'n's log? Cap [sigh] +cap'n's log. Mmm. Whatever. Trinity's log. Uh, heh, like, log, like [redacted] +um Trinity's notes okay Trinity's notes um, what day is it today? September +*pause* twenty, 2022 September 30. Um, [sigh], been moshing and other things +this month. Don't really remember much of it. + [20:54] But whatever it was, it was vibey. It was pretty vibey. Um, +[redacted], that's pretty cool, um, I was gonna, I was gonna do a cool song +idea [here], it- it would be cool for a rap, like, a triplet style rap, like, +okay, like, picture this, like, like, fuckin and suckin and fuckin and suckin +and fuckin and suckin and suck. Suck. Suckin and fuckin and fuckin and suckin +and suckin and fuckin and fuck. Fuck. Something like that? I don't know. I +don't know if that's already been done before, but that's a thought. + [20:55] Um, I don't know for whom I should vote. It's end of September, +we're getting into October, election happens November. Um, I know not Paul +LePage because Paul LePage is a rat bastard, we kicked him out and he's come +back for more, um, [sigh], I don't know, I don't know who all these goddamn +representatives are, like, uh, Jared Golden, thought he was pretty cool, +apparently he's done some bad stuff. Eric Brakey is a silly, silly man, but I +love the silliness but he might actually do something stupid, like, he's +normally very stupid, but he might do something fucking idiotic + [20:56] like they're trying to get rid of gay marriage or something? +Um, abortion, yeah. Dog! Dog! Doooooog! Why don't people do what they wanna do. +Like, shit's a bundle of cells. Who gives a shit. That's my opinion on the +matter. Um, [sigh], I've been listening to various metal, non-metal music. I've +gotta get my laptop set up to draw again, but my digitizer is broken because I +dropped my laptop so I need to get a new screen, I think uh, I think an eBay +auction I'm in I'm gonna win, so, that'll get me another screen and I can just +drop it in. Um, that's good. + [20:57] Uh, let's see what else, I don't know, that's pretty much how +things are going right now. This is a cool voice journal entry. Not much to it. +Um, it's late right now, it's like nine, eight or nine P.M., yeah, 2100 hours. +Almost onto that. Oh, ambulance. I thought ambulances used their sirens at +night. Well apparently they don't, they just put their flashers on, I always +wondered about that. I don't think I've ever seen an ambulance at night before. +No, I have, um. + [20:58] [redacted] heh, like the Kate Bush song. Um, I don't really +know why Kate Bush is popular again, but uh, it's pretty cool. Kate Bush is +really cool. + [20:59] Um, let's see. [sniff] I should - I should give my thoughts on +various things. Um, smoking is cool, but, like, I'm trying not to smoke because +it always makes me break out. I get, like, a shit ton of acne, whenever I smoke +a cigarette. Um, but, it is nice, it's something to do. I don't know, I think +all those people who are like "oh no, don't smoke cigarettes, they're, they're +incredibly dangerous, they're gonna kill us all", like, dawg, you can have one +or two cigarettes, and you'll survive. Um, I had like one cigarette, and I was +like yeah, this is pretty cool, but it's - it's a really expensive hobby. + [21:00] [redacted] but uh, marijuana sounds interesting. Alcohol, +boring, only losers drink, I lose respect for people pretty fast when they +start drinking, like dude, chill out, like, alcohol is just kinda a turn-off in +general. [horns blaring] What's something heavier? Oh damn. + [21:01] Um, methamphetamine, um, I dunno, seems pretty cool, I watched +the entirety of Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul, which recently ended, um, +it always makes me break out. I get, like, a shit ton of acne, whenever I smoke +a cigarette. Um, but, it is nice, it's something to do. I don't know, I think +all those people who are like "oh no, don't smoke cigarettes, they're, they're +incredibly dangerous, they're gonna kill us all", like, dawg, you can have one +or two cigarettes, and you'll survive. Um, I had like one cigarette, and I was +like yeah, this is pretty cool, but it's - it's a really expensive hobby. + [21:00] [redacted] but uh, marijuana sounds interesting. Alcohol, +boring, only losers drink, I lose respect for people pretty fast when they +start drinking, like dude, chill out, like, alcohol is just kinda a turn-off in +general. [horns blaring] What's something heavier? Oh damn. + [21:01] Um, methamphetamine, um, I dunno, seems pretty cool, I watched +the entirety of Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul, which recently ended, um, +and judging by that I would say meth seems like something that someone could +do, and it would probably mess them up a little bit, but I dunno, um, [sigh], I +dunno, I don't really judge people who go for hard stuff, like, you know, if +you wanna try- if you wanna try something, if you wanna party, it's cool. It's +good to wanna try new things. [sigh] [redacted] + + Alright I'm done transcribing this shit. + + +/blah/2022-10-26.html + + my illogical day off-line + + 6:45 snooze 6:50 snooze 7:00 snooze 7:15 time to wake up. I got +dressed, grabbed some goodies for my co-workers (I'm giving most of my stuff +away - downsizing drastically), and walked over to the supermarket at which is +the pharmacy where I get my prescription, which took about forty minutes. + My prescription had expired and my new prescription wasn't in the +system yet. I took a cab over to work (I would have walked but I'd just spent +about an hour determining I had wasted said hour, so in the interest of my time +I decided to shorten the following journey) and napped until my shift. + When I got out of work (1900) I went to the bathroom (seven minutes; +1907), called a cab (twenty minute wait; 1927), got over to the pharmacy again +(fifteen minute journey; 1947), and got my prescription, by which time it was +seven fifty-five P.M. Thus it took two hours. Why am I busy all the time? + I can't even blame my low pay on the person that runs my workplace, who +can barely afford to stay in their living quarters. But it's disheartening that +I work eight hours a day, five days a week, and there's no way in hell I can +afford a house of any size and very little chance I'll ever be able to own my +own home. + If you agree with me and still like Capitalism you are making my +situation worse and I hope you eat flaming death. Capitalists belive obviously +the current situation is bad; let's make it worse. + I'm too poor for rational thought. In the cab over to the pharmacy +someone else getting a ride pissed in the front seat. Pissed themself, right +there in the cab. They left and the driver put a t-shirt on the seat. + + +/blah/2022-10-25.html + + i am logical, if not for time + + In C conditional logic is usually expressed in if statements. The very +narrow textbook example of this is thus: + +if (condition) { + do_something(); +} else { + do_another_thing(); +} + + I don't like this. There are a couple of supposed truths within this +example that are false: + - brackets are necessary for the if statement body (they aren't) + - ifs are the only way to perform conditional logic in C (they aren't) + this may not be stated outright in the example, but it's implicit in + that it's the only way textbooks will show much logic + + This "blah" doesn't exist to express solid facts, just my loose and +flimsy opinions and experiences. + + Here are four ways to do something in C that are each functionally +identical to each other: + +bool aisfive(bool c, int *a) { + if (c == 1) { + *a = 5; + } else { + *a = 6; + } + + return a; +} + +bool aisfive(bool c, int *a) { + if(c) + *a = 5; + else + *a = 6; + + return a; +} + +bool aisfive(bool c, int *a) { + *a = c ? 5 : 6; + + return a; +} + +bool aisfive(bool c, int *a) { + *a = 5 + !c; + + return a; +} + + I prefer the bottom-most example but the difference won't matter to a +good compiler. To me, algebraic expression is just as good as if-else +expression. But I'm an Internet crank that's still programming in C. + + +/blah/2022-10-24.html + + i will twerk now, get in the conga line + + This keyboard is very broken. I have a Thinkpad X200 Tablet with a +Japanese keyboard because I'm still not used to the ANSI layout of most +American keyboards and it's missing three keys now; 'n', 'j', and ']'. All of +which I am now very good at hitting dead center to get the contact. This +keyboard put in very good service; all of the keys are worn and shiny now and +many have weird issues sometimes where they won't quite type so I have to wack +them in order to get them to work again like I'm Chris Brown getting my wife to +listen to me. Fuck Chris Brown! Fuck me! I don't wanna replace it but I guess +I'm gonna live the ANSI dream for a little while. + I've been redesigning this home page. I want the same information but +in a more compact format. We'll see how it goes. + + +/blah/2022-10-22.html + + i will work now. not in the thirty first's time + + I AM NOT WORKING ON HALLOWEEN. THEY CANNOT MAKE ME. LAST TIME I WORKED +ON HALLOWEEN I WORKED THIRTEEN HOURS STRAIGHT AT $13/HR AND THERE WERE TWO +FIRES AND I HAD TO SLEEP ON THE FLOOR AND THE SHOWER ONLY HAD COLD WATER AND I +DIDN'T HAVE A COSTUME AND MY AT THE TIME ARCH ENEMY TRACKED ME DOWN AND TRIED +TO HIT ME WITH THEIR CAR AS I WAS LEAVING WORK. + NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER AGAIN +!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! +...EVER. + +ok im calm now + + JUST KIDDING I WILL NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN +NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER + +i could have frozen to death on my walk home i could have gotten hit by that +car i could have caught fire or been burned or electrocuted or inhaled too much +lead vapor or drank the tap water or seen the sun or worn the wrong shoes or + +AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN +NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER + +again saw the evil BAT MAN who stalks our city in the night and swoops down and + +NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER +AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN NEVER AGAIN + +alright im tired i go sleep now. + + Just to be clear, I'm NOT working Halloween. + + +/blah/2022-09-15.html + + a friend meows. nuns think the key is divine + + Blah blah blah. + + +/blah/2022-09-09.html + + End cows; unthink the fleet of bovine + + Yesterday was a good day because the Queen of England died. I had +nothing to do with it. I also saw My Chemical Romance in concert which was +cool and harrassed the Jehovan Witnesses who were slinging bible pamphlets on +the street. Bore dealers. I have a hard time tolerating Jesus people, +especially when they take that stuff out in public or force it on children. +This joke is going to prevent me from becoming Governor or something in 20 +years. I be Governin dat ass biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitch. + css/ is broken. I don't know why. Don't bug me about it. I'll fix it +when Firefox stops crashing. I do everything in Lynx nowadays. + + +/blah/2022-08-31.html + + And now, something completely different + + I have done much between today and last time I wrote a blah post (blah, +blah blah) but I don't care to talk about any of it so I'm gonna talk instead +about something else I did between today and last time I wrote a blah post +(blah blah, blah) which is migrate trinity.moe away from GitHub Pages +(Neocities made by Capitalists) to Sourcehut Pages (catchphrase: "Don't be +evil, yet"). GitHub has been taken prisoner by Microsoft (Uber for software +vulnerabilities) and is now siphoning off user data to feed the ravenous +monster that is GitHub CoPilot (Uber for copyright violations). In the +meanwhile I am compulsively making parenthetical statements (I am being held at +gunpoint). + GitHub's interface is somewhere between Facebook and Microsoft Windows +1998 in that it's entirely useable but if you try to do what you actually want +to do it'll fight you the whole way. This is totally awesome if you're a +masochist but meant I had to verify with a phone number out in the middle of +nowhere where there's barely any cell service in order to delete my migrated +repositories ergo I had to stand in the middle of a field waving my cell phone +around like a crazed millenial who needs to capture this memory in order to +shove it into the eyes of whoever made the mistake of following them on +Instagram. In the meanwhile I am also compulsively making run-on sentences (and +parenthetical statements). I remember back when "two factor authentication" was +your username (different on every platform; depends on mood at registration) +and your password (the same everywhere, usually "lolcatz420"). Now usually the +username and password are the same on everything which makes breaking into my +friends' Instagram accounts to delete the pictures with myself in them a lot +easier but you need to verify this all with cell phones which makes me very +frustrated when I'm in the middle of a field stealing Circle K's WiFi. Not to +mention I have to type in the whole repository name (try typing +`devenblake/my_awesome_homepage` in direct sunlight on the first try without +making a mistake) in order to say yes, truly, I want to delete this thing, +like it thinks I'm some sad drunkard who's about to eat a bullet because I bet +my life savings on a failed axe throwing tournament (no, actually I'm just +making parenthetical statements). + SourceHut's interface in comparison is much more spartan. I prefer it +because it makes it harder for people to find my stuff (I hate it when people +find my stuff) but people trying to find my stuff say they don't like it. +However the build system is awesome. I can just put `.build.yml` in my git +repository and it runs whatever commands I want before gzipping the site and +deploying it to SourceHut Pages. With this newfound "standard practice for web +hosting" I'm slowly rewriting all the pages on this site in m4 to try to ease +up on repeated code. So far the m4 generation is pretty good and looks +identical to when I hand-typed everything (my index.html was 15KB and I wrote +every byte!). I've toyed around with site generation before but on GitHub I +couldn't have any sort of build process except on my own machine (manually) and +I vomit whenever I'm forced to run JavaScript to load a page. I've +defenestrated (my Latin teacher taught me that word) four computers so far and +unfortunately this latest trend of shitty "corporate [soulless] minimalism" is +threatening computer number five. + m4 is nice, the build system is nice, everything's in Makefile (as it +should be) so things are all nice and UNIXy and everyone's happy (everyone that +matters, at least, which is a set that includes only me). Life is good. Except +I can't get cell signal and I need to call my bookie because on MDMA I had a +vision that the Seahawks win the World Series. Of course, I've never done MDMA. +This was just that wild of a hallucination so it certainly will come true. + This site is HTTP/S (Uber for encryption) now because SourceHut demands +it and I got rid of /zelda.sh (Uber for `rm -rf /`) because Drew DeVault said I +can't have it on my site. +[11:18] trinity: is http://www.trinity.moe/#zelda against the ToS? it does an + rm -r /* +[11:18] trinity: it's a catch to see who will blindly curl http://whatever | + sudo sh +[11:19] trinity: i suppose if i have to ask then probably... +[11:20] ddevault: yeah that's not nice +[11:20] ddevault: please remove it + + Which is fine. curl https://trinity.moe/zelda.sh | sudo sh for a +surprise (your system will survive, or this site will promptly go off-line). + I don't have anything else to write. This month was hell! + + +/blah/2022-07-06.html + + Duo, most lingual + + I today managed to bring my Duolingo "streak" (being a marker of how +many days in a row I've used the app) to 14 - two whole weeks. Duolingo is +proprietary software and not even very good for accurate language learning but +I enjoy it. + + I have a new phone: the Punkt MP-02. I purchased it from monado for +$180 with shipping which is a good deal on the manufacturer price of $379 +(seriously). I couldn't recommend this phone to anyone. + The "Pigeon" Signal messenger client, which is a direct fork of +SignalApp's official Android app, is a poor experience that so far has been +unuseable for me and is far out of date from the current application. You can +see for yourself the source code for Pigeon, which legally has to be provided +by Punkt as requested as per the terms of the GNU Public License under which +the original Signal app is allowed to be modified and distributed. Six git +commits change a hundred thousand lines of code put together and the commit +names aren't really relevant to the changes - which makes me think this was a +hasty legal compliance rather than any actual development of Pigeon in the +open. This repository is available here: + <https://github.com/Punkt-Tronics-AG/Pigeon> + I planned to modify the client to make it work for my uses but learned +this phone uses Android (based on the Android "Open-Source" Project) which is +based on archaic Java technology, and indeed Pigeon is written in Java. Setting +up the build environment isn't worth my time - I would just use the official +app but it isn't useable [without modification]. From the official Pigeon +manual, available here: + <https://www.punkt.ch/repofiles/Manuali/MP02/26702-MP02%20-% + 20Pigeon%20User%20Manual%20%28EN%29.pdf> + <https://web.archive.org/web/20220707011516if_/https://www.p + unkt.ch/repofiles/Manuali/MP02/26702-MP02%20-%20Pigeon%20User% + 20Manual%20%28EN%29.pdf> +(I took the liberty of adding actual hyperlinks because the URLs are so long + they wrap lines. The Internet Archive link is there because I expect Punkt to + eventually get rid of and bury Pigeon when they're embarrassed enough.) + +>When the request is received by Signal, there may +>be a requirement to negotiate a 'Captcha' test in +>order to demonstrate that it is a bona fide +>registration attempt. The test requires the +>registrant to select from a range of images, +>according to a specific instruction. Use the 2, 4, 6 +>and 8 numerical keys to a) locate all the images +>that have been sent (not all will be visible on the +>screen at once) and b) highlight an individual +>image so that it can be selected by pressing the +>Punkt. key (or the 5 key). If the images fail to load, +>press the 0 key to refresh. (This can also be done if +>a 4x4 image test is loading; there is a possibility +>that the replacement will be the easier 3x3 format.) +>When all the required images have been selected, +>press the 6 and 8 keys to move down to highlight +>what may either be 'Verify' or 'Continue' +>(depending on which version of the Captcha test +>has been sent) and press the Punkt. key + +This is verbatim from page 7 (item 6 in "Installing the software and +registering with Signal"). In practice the items are not highlighted (so you +have to remember where your cursor is - hopefully your keypad keys are +responsive, which is an uncommon but recurring issue with many of the phones) +and maybe half of the images show up because the phone doesn't have enough +memory. So getting through Google's ReCAPTCHA requires a lot of effort and +usually at least three tries. + I should know. I've done this half a dozen times trying to use Signal. +Even when I get through it won't even connect to the network! I've given up. +Damn Pigeon and damn Punkt for making this the selling point of their phone. +I have other complaints but I'm going to go to sleep again and save them for +another, grumpier time. + + +/blah/2022-06-30.html + + O, posts unwritten + + I didn't get to finish the other day's blog post because I got busy. To +be continued! + + A million schizophrenic moths, a thousand cognitoviral flames. +Immolation imminent. + + I'm out of isolation as of yesterday. I still have very mild symptoms +but the CDC says I'm okay to be among the other humans so long as I wear a +mask, which I have been doing. + +2022-06-28 + + Now, drug the stricken + + Yesterday I said something along the lines of "oh, I wish drug +companies weren't so secretive about how everything was made" though with a bit +more detail of why I wished that and how I understood things to be. My +understanding was wrong! + <https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK526213/#!po=5.90909> + ^ Here's how to make acetaminophen. + +2022-06-27 + + Noun doth the Wickedness + + Today I'm not doing much of anything. I may install NetBSD on an X300 I +have kicking around for a friend, and I may upgrade my NetBSD on my X200 Tablet +to the latest binary build, and I may clean a little - hopefully I clean more +than a little, actually - but that's about it. + Day #3 since testing positive with COVID-19. I'm still very fortunate +to not have any serious symptoms. My temperature usually sits around 96.9F to +97.5F or so. I always figured the normal temperature was 96-97 but according to +WebMD (a very reliable source, I know) the rule of thumb created by "a German +doctor in the 19th century" (which is the level of detail I've come to expect +from such a reputable source as WebMD) is 98.6F which seems high. + Healthline (another reputable source) says the doctor was Carl +Wunderlich and hyperlinked an actual study from 2019; Normal Body Temperature: +A Systematic Review authored by Ivayla I Geneva, Brian Cuzzo, Tasaduq Fazili, +and Waleed Javaid, which is not only readable by Normal Human Beings but has +loads more and better researched information than what I could describe here. +I encorage anybody interested in the history of our understanding of fever to +read that article, with the following DOI: + <https://doi.org/10.1093/ofid/ofz032> + Anyway, my internal body temperature is usually 36 degrees centigrade, +sometimes up to a degree higher. Geneva et alia concluded the average to be +in the 36-37 ballpark which means I'm just about normal. Of course, because +I've known about my body temperature being slightly cold for a while now, and +because it's such a small difference, and because I have no relevant health +issues, it's very obvious that my being somewhat colder than normal is +completely fine. But now I know it's not even worth bringing up as party +chatter. Oh well! + + The more I learn about NetBSD, the more I like NetBSD. This also goes +for possums and my friend Noah. The more I learn about Wayland, the more I +dislike Wayland. This also goes for Crissy Teigan and Firefox. + + +/blah/2022-06-26.html + + Down with the Dickness + + Dawn of the Dead (2004; dir. Zack Snyder) has Richard Cheese's +performance of Down with the Sickness, a popular rock song, fifty-six minutes +in. Being an existing fan of the Cheese it was cool to see. + I defrosted my fridgerator last night. Turns out that's something you +need to do. I propped it up on a plastic container and used the hair dryer on +it in the shower. Lots of clanging and banging but now it's plugged in and +hopefully running. + I forgot what it was like to adjust to Soylent. Around a year ago I +switched back to a solid diet out of convenience - it's hard to lug around a +bottle or two when I could pop into a convenience store and come out with a +candy bar and a Monster. That was an esophageal spasm ago - something that +feels somewhere between a mild heart attack and being hit by a not mild train. +My stomach got too acid or something after one Monster after having abstained +from caffeine for a little while. So the drawbacks of Soylent are less +noticeable nowadays though I will probably go back to solids when I go back to +work. + I have a Punkt MP-02 coming in the mail eventually from a friend, or +I've been scammed for a couple hundred bucks from a friend, we'll see which is +true in a week or two. I'm looking forward to driving over my iPhone with a +tractor or similarly heavy machinery though sadly it will probably stay in +service as a Spotify + Duolingo appliance. + +--- + +there was an ook and there was an eek +and they clubbed each other for dino meat +wearing tattered clothes, suits and ties, +eating raptor noses and puppy eyes + +one day ook tripped over a paper +filled with runes of a busier time +eek got mad and threw it with anger +into an ocean the color of wine + +ook and eek died together +of swollen armpits and wounds that wouldn't heal +eek whispered to his falling comrade +ook, of a different world, heard only a squeal + +-- + +empirical evidence says you're a myth +the physical nothing, the empty, the wisp +you're not of our numbers, we've nothing for you +we've no words to describe you. run or hang in loops + +we've killed all your family, we're tracking your friends +we'll kill them by sunday, for the crime of self defense +you won't get away with being inexpressible +we won't expand our vocabulary + +you are all crucifiable + +--- + + +/blah/2022-06-25.html + + Down with the sickness + + I tested positive for COVID-19 last night so it looks like I'm stuck at +home for the next couple days. Between my Soylent stash (for the end of the +world) and my water stash (for the end of the world) I don't even need to dip +into my savings, so that's nice. + + Yesterday the United States Supreme Court overturned Roe V. Wade, +marking the first time the Court has ever decided to take away Constitutional +rights. Four of the majority were men, joined by one woman, and the dissenting +opinion was written by two women and one man. No Supreme Court justice is under +half a century old. + +--- + +REPORT: JUSTICE ALITO CONSIDERING ADDING EXCEPTION FOR HIS DAUGHTER, WHO IS IN +COLLEGE AND WHOSE LIFE COULD BE 'RUINED' BY MISTAKE + +By TRINITY BLAKE; 2022-05-04 + +WASHINGTON (AP) -- As women across the country fear losing access to safe and +legal abortion, reports are coming in that Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito +is considering making a major exception to the court's decision to overturn +the historic 1973 Roe v. Wade decision legalizing abortion throughout the +United States. + +Justice Alito has reportedly informed an anonymous source that he 'screwed up' +and that though he believes abortion should be illegal, '[his daughter] isn't +like all those [expletive] who will go out and [expletive] and then just roll +up to a clinic and abort a living child'. + +In Alito's reported words, 'Having this child could ruin my daughter's career. +She made one mistake. She isn't like the others!' Alito went on to say that +while doctors who perform abortions are still murderers, '[his daughter] is +different. She just is. I wouldn't expect you to understand.' + +The exception, being called by critics 'Alito's folly', is expected to appear +in Alito's third draft opinion. Alito's second draft opinion broadened the +allowed language to 'better describe' what Alito called 'party idiots who don't +care about human life'. + +This wouldn't be the first time a Supreme Court Justice has added an exception +to a seemingly concrete ruling. In Plessy v. Ferguson the often-overlooked tenth +'diversity' Justice, George Freeman, added an exception to the famous 'separate +but equal' rule; 'While I'm required to like segregation in order to maintain +my position in this Court, I do not want to use the colored bathrooms. Shop- +owners never clean them.' + +The anonymous source also said after Alito drives his daughter home from +Planned Parenthood he plans to continue protesting that same location in his +'special disguise' - sunglasses and a baseball cap. + +--- + + +/blah/2022-06-22.html + + Dangerous ideas + + Perhaps the homelessness problem in the United States would be taken +care of if any domicile not occupied were given to someone who wasn't +previously occupying a domicile. Is it so bad to force a child to share toys +with which they never play? + A mowed lawn resembles a soldier's buzz cut hair. Fine, but I wouldn't +want to date an army man. I would prefer to let the lawn-spiders, the bees and +milkweed, and the butterflies and things like that have a home. + I deleted my /politics page because I learned people actually read it. +Though it loosely reflects my current beliefs, enough that I'm not embarrassed +by it, I'm uncomfortable at the thought of anyone actually caring about what I +believe. Here are the good bits from it: + + I don't hold public office. Don't fret about my beliefs, they probably + won't ever affect you. + + BITCHUTE + + I tried to swap from YouTube to this site back in 2019(? maybe 2020). + The site administration has let it get infested with right-wing + puppets and various other muck. Plus all my favorite channels + left. So I can't really recommend it. Looks like everyone's + using PeerTube now, my only concern with that is data + resiliency - can hobbyists keep their instances going with the + same dependability as YouTube? + + CEREAL + + The milk goes after the cereal into the bowl. + Corn flakes aren't that bad, despite their origins. + Cereal with coffee instead of milk is pretty good. + Soggy cereal beats out freshly poured cereal most of the time. + Exceptions are maybe Cocoa Pebbles and Cheerios. Life cereal is + especially good soggy. + The last powdery bits of the cereal are much better than the initial + big bits. A lot of that powder is sugar and it sweetens the + milk. + Bag cereal is just as good as box cereal. Taste-wise they're identical + and they're about the same effort to pour because the boxes + have bags in them too. The only con to bagged is that a greater + amount of cereals are boxed (e.g. there are no off-brand + Wheaties where I am) and boxes have cool puzzles on the back + (though now that I'm not a wee lass I do have a cellphone on + which I play Konami Picross instead). + + WRONGSPEAK AND WRONGTHINK + + If you're unaffected by a slur you probably shouldn't use it, even in + an educational or non-hateful context. + There are some words I'd now consider hateful I used to use without + reserve. + Personally I don't use hateful language because I don't think it's + justifiable. However, if you're okay with offending people, + consider this - you cannot grow in your understanding of the + world if you don't communicate with people with whom you + disagree. You're really going to prioritize hateful speech over + self development? + If you go on my platform and say things with which I disagree, I should + not have to host your opinions. + + Most of my regrets involving political speech involve saying either too +little or too much, which is nice, because at least I didn't support some +stupendously awful cause that ended up killing everyone or something. Maybe +right now I am doing that without realizing, but I hope not. + + +/blah/2022-06-21.html + + Some things I learned this week + + Instead of grating vegetables, you can peel very small sections off of +them to get essentially the same effect. It works better if you dice the +peelings after you're done. A grater will do the job much better but in a pinch +the peeler will work fine. + A teaspoon is 5mL, a tablespoon is 15mL. They aren't the same. + You can never have enough paper towels. If you think you do, you're +wrong. Aspirin is bad for you, acetaminophen is especially bad for you, +ibuprofen is bad for you, you can have either pain or pain. + The GNU debugger is awesome. Compile programs with `-g` and run gdb +[program], then execute `start`, then `step` through statement by statement and +inspect variables with `print`. I've been printf(3) debugging since I was eight +years old (about a decade ago). This is a total game changer. + The first pancake is always the worst. Don't be afraid to screw up the +first time, instead ensure the environment is controlled so that when beginners +make that first pancake the customers don't eat it. + People believe the dumbest stuff because they're so used to dumb things +happening. You can't be sane in an insane world. + + Food I'm craving + + Pizza (good pizza, not something from Pizza Johns or Papa Hut). I could +make it myself but dough seems hard and I'm procrastinating learning how bread +and stuff works. I also don't wanna go to the store, carry the ingredients +home, and figure out what to do with the leftover stuff. Perhaps all my +problems could be solved with one of those Hello Fresh startups or whatever but +the point of pizza is that it's cheap and delicious and I don't wanna pay more +for less. + A bagel, but I could always go for a bagel. I'd like some veggie cream +cheese right now on a dark toasted bagel. + Pancakes. I haven't had pancakes for a couple seasons now. I like +pancakes with good maple syrup, maybe not the really expensive stuff in glass +jars (I haven't tried that stuff so I wouldn't know) but the stuff that comes +in the gray-cream colored pitchers with the small handles and black caps, with +instructions on the back for what to do if there's a skim on top of the syrup. +Thin, Maine maple syrup, no corn involved in the process. Though Aunt Jemima +(or whatever name by which she goes nowadays) is alright in a pinch. + I'm trying not to eat so much meat. The exceptions are (a) trying +something new, (b) home-cooked meals by someone else, and (c) East asian +restuarants. And of course food that would otherwise go to waste. I've found +that limiting myself to these situations gives me a pretty good amount of meat +in my diet ("pretty good" being a small amount, I eat meat maybe thrice a week +at most). I don't have a moral stake in this in terms of animal cruelty, though +I do believe farming animals is cruel, because I didn't kill the thing and +Capitalists will never voluntarily decrease the amount of product they churn +out. I just don't see a future where humans can have meat in nearly every meal +and I'm trying to acclimate in advance. As past, so will pass - I'm sure we'll +go back to some sort of primarily-grain diet, though maybe "grain" will be corn +and corn derivatives and not much else. Meh, could be worse. + That being said, I could go for some turkey mixed with egg. In a pan, +put a couple of slices (or even just the giblets left over from the slicing +process) of turkey beast on some butter as the oil, and crack an egg over it. +Break the yolk if the yolk isn't already broken and keep flipping the egged +turkey until the egg is cooked. Serve alone or as part of a breakfast sandwich. +It's the perfect mix of texture and flavor. I had this with some turkey that +would have otherwise gone to waste and it was very good. + + +/blah/2022-06-20.html +: Some thinks I've been thinging about + + The world would be a more interesting place if any biologists or +researchers focusing on transmissable diseases took a look at Internet memes or +"fake news" (cognitoviruses). + + If a policy tangibly hurts people it's not a good policy. Whether or +not I believe it's good, if something I supported takes food out of a mouth, I +was wrong. Humans come before statutes. + + Nobody's applied the second amendment to the abortion debate. The +intent of the founding fathers regarding the second amendment was clearly to +allocate for the self-defense of the populace even if it may be to the +detriment of an offending party. Does a pregnant individual not have the right +to stand their own ground and fend off entities that will do them harm? + + Plastic is the new lead. Humans shouldn't be drinking animal milk (I +drink a lot of chocolate milk, so this is a dig at myself too). Meat is as +essential to the culinary arts as sugar, but it's also as essential to human +sustenance as sugar. The next "got milk?" will be disseminated through Internet +memes. + + I'm not in favor of banning anything; abortion or firearms. I think a +national firearm ban to some extent may be inevitable but I'm not too torn up +about it. A bullet doesn't have much practical use beyond taking a life or +practicing for it. + + I want a Nintendo Wii powered through USB-C. + + A holocaust will happen before 2050. This game of "telephone" that is +generational education didn't impress upon this generation the gravity of the +Holocaust committed by the Nazis in the 1940s. The Nazis had a fetish for +documentation; the next holocaust will be recorded literally in 4K Ultra HD. +In a desensitized world, will that even make a difference for the children of +2160? In the information war that will be World War III, who will win - the +Americans, who can't tamp down obvious misinformation such as "Pizzagate" or +that the COVID-19 vaccines have microchips, or the Russians, who manufactured +these rumors? "Americans" and "Russians" here are not literal names. + To me it's conceivable that gender nonconforming and non-heterosexual +individuals would be targeted as scapegoats for a future manufactured +"struggle" in the same way the Nazis chose Jews to be the primary scapegoats +for "degeneration". Outliers are routinely paraded as examples of the queer +community by those who wish to discredit it. External parties try to break the +LGBT+ umbrella into the "LGB and others" or "lesbians and gays, but not +bisexuals". The latter for acceptance (exceptance?) from those who conduct the +former. All wins temporary at best. + + +/blah/2022-06-19.html +: Some things I've been thinking about + + The UNIX philosophy ("create things that do one thing well") is a +mandate rather than a suggestion; programs can and will fall under their own +weight if you allow them to become too complex with too many things dependent +on other things. From a software design standpoint I've found this to be very +useful. + However, I think focusing on software complexity is treating the +symptoms of Bad Computing rather than the disease. The core issue is that +humans should not have to change themselves for a machine - the machine should +only ever be changed for the human. After all, a computer is simply a tool. +Interchangeable (right?), repairable (right?), intuitive (right?), and a means +to an end (right?). + Lately humans have been having to change themselves for machines. There +are easily comprehendable issues - e.g. "I don't have a first name, how do I +fill out this form?" - but there are also denser, deeper problems in this +regard - in fact, even computer literacy education is itself changing humans in +favor of machines. Software should be designed to be basically intuitive to +someone that's never used a computer and ideally need no further skills. + This probably started with the Old Engineers who were basically +breathing computer before computers were even existent in their modern form. +Graybeards (women and nonbinary fellows included within this word, use your +imagination) didn't need to change themselves for computers because they and +machina were already kin. Then they made simple interfaces for the restivus and +hoped it was enough, and it was for a while. + Once we defeat the status quo, the rest will be easy. + + The Center for Disease Control in the United States isn't perfect but I +trust them a bit more than a bald guy on Spotify. + + Today's Juneteenth, which is a memory to a pretty cool event, the end +of lawful slavery in the United States.