2023-09-04
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@ -1928,6 +1928,349 @@ If I don't, escalate the issue to the host of this site (this can also be found
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</HTML>
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/blah/2023-09-04.html
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Regarding something I read.
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I feel some guilt for not really having a lot of trans pride.
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I grew up on /b/. Post golden era, when /pol/ started festering in its second
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coming and pseudoanons started spiking the machine, everything got a lot more
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transphobic. I didn't give a shit what the r/greentext exiles bore in prejudice
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but I knew their opinions roughly reflected the 20% or so and life would be
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easier if I lived without making them piss and shit themselves. But being
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dishonest with myself, or being honest with myself but hiding who I was, didn't
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work for me. I felt nothing as I breathed nothing and I worked on hidden
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projects and scum agendas with the pitch hands of a tear in space, wordlessly
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and heartlessly to test the limits to which a person could influence. Rage
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against the biomass. I also wasn't able to safely come out in meatspace but to
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a few at the time friends who still misgender me after years.
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My dream was not to be accepted and trans, but to be ignored and a cis woman.
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Or pass as a cis woman.
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I too started programming on graphing calculators but I felt invalid, not a
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true programmer, so I called it coding, and myself a coder, as evident by the
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splashes I put before my TI-BASIC programs. Deven Blake is not my deadname, by
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the way - I had my name changed when I was very young. I still don't see myself
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as a programmer. Insecurities.
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I had other thoughts but I forgot them.
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2023年06月27日
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When I started learning to program all I had was FreeBASIC and I just. Didn't.
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Get it. Nor did I get PetitComputer which I got for my DSi XL. The first time I
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made anything was when I was 11, 3 years after I started learning, and made a
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simple drawing demo in Processing.JS.
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I was not a natural programmer. Lacking any sort of lessons or guidance or a
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lot of motivation I floundered, and floundered, and floundered, and tried and
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failed a dozen times. Pascal, Fortran, Petit Computer, FreeBASIC, Microsoft
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Batch, SmileBASIC, a dozen more. Now I work in C and shell, only because I
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learned shell to script tasks and learned C to understand my scripts better.
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A lot of people see expert programmers and get discouraged. My advice: Pick a
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_good_ tool ~~(C or shell)~~ and stay until you know it. Python!
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OK I'm done shitting
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need more fiber
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I'm elsewhere, AFK - I wanna add this to the blah though.
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Undated; maybe from a year ago? Written on a paper bag in black sharpie
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soy sauce -> dill
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-> teriyaki
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-> avocado
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-> salt
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no too
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Na
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coffee
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avocado -> ? brown ?
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chai honey
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blueberry lemon
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green tea maple
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pineapple -> oat soggy?
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-> grape
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key of C cheese
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cream cheese
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sat atop a
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speaker playing
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435Hz until
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the Cc is
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extra soft
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"dream cheese"
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-> orange zest
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mainly -> chamomile
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-> green tea
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lemon
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honey
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"mean cheese"
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-> jalapeno
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chili powder
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cinnamon?
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orange zest?
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~~paprika?~~
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~~turmeric?~~
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pumpkin?
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cinnamon?
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kale?
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salt?
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pepper?
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mint -> lavendar
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-> coconut
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-> garlic?
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garlic rosemary
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licorice + lavendar?
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malta cream cheese
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-> how?
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[ -> why? ]
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dandelion?
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dandelion maple?
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wasabi?
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birthday cake?
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bubblegum?
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matcha!
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cinnamon ginger
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cola?
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moxie!!!
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mountain dew?
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doritos?
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fritos?
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"team cheese" blueberry
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for olympics strawberry
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season (2024?)
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2023年07月03日
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07-05 wisdom
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teeth recheck
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8AM be there @ 7
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commie gets fucked by capitalist,
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well he was so hot
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can't afford the rent
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and he drives mercedes benz
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and we did it in the parking lot
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all of the fucking jacked in bullshit
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went to law school on daddy's nest egg
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and I'm stealing toilet paper out of the store
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I had a good thing and I fucked it up
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everyone I know has gone
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came down into the mosh pit so I can push you away
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just hit your head get out and run
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I had a good thing and fucked everything up
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all my friends moved on
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I'm still here sleeping on the floor
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yeah didn't we have so much fun
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2023年07月04日
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July 4 - when the
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USA declared independ[...]
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from Monarchist cunts.
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I'm hiding in a parking
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lot far from the hordes
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that have invaded the
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~~areas of~~ usual areas
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of congregation. Loungi[...]
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against my backpack
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among Razor scooter
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and Sony camera
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watching the st[...]
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sky
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Amateur pyrotechnicians,
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like teenagers on prom
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night, put all their
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effort into the first
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five minutes of their
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shows that blaze
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occasionally during
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twilight. The pre-show
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to the fireworks
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demonstration - paid
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for by your tax dollars
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- performed by the
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city. I'm considering
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breaking into an old
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mill to see sky from
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roof.
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But that's so much
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effort and the crisp
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air hasn't yet cooled
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me after my frantic
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dash on two cheap
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wheels from unnerving,
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unthinking, unpredictable
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crowds. A pack of
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wild children crosses
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my turf before deciding
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to continue up Canal St.
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My face itches. The
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sweat and my
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moisturizer are
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considering waging
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war on my dry skin.
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2023年07月12日
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[...] appt 18日1000
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2023年07月13日
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methamphetamine
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took all his molars
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and then crack cocaine
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only left his front teeth
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Paul always yearns
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for steak medium rare
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but the man only has
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cans of soup to eat
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consumption begets
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more of the same
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when it doesn't,
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it's illegal
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give me your money,
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shoes, or brain
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you're not allowed
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to call me evil
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I am the capital
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meth took my molars
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crack took my canines
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lying on a park bench
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what took my mind
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i can't sleep in a bed
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won't sleep in a bed
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i can't sleep in a bed
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what took my mind
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the gray matter bubbled
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bends made me all fried
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I keep tossing & turning
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what took my mind
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how do you fix that?'
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death
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but I love life and I love
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sex
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my friends all died and I'm
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left
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but it's not now my turn to
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end
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I just want a steak
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but crack took my canines
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my destructive consumption
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what the hell took my mind
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methamphetamine
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took my molars
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crack cocaine
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took my canines
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then life decided to
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dissolve my gray matter
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please, Gaia
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who took my mind?
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destructive consumption
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oh how badly I crave steak
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all I've got's my two front teeth
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can't eat even if I have my cake
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my nerves shoot my eyes
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head won't stop. someone end my pain
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please, Gaia
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who did this to my brain
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2018-08-30
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Disp "SCHEDULE","CODED BY","DEVEN BLAKE 2018
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Pause
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ClrHome
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//Menu
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Lbl M
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0→Z
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Menu("LHS SCHEDULE","VIEW SCHEDULE",A,"EDIT SCHEDULE",B,"QUIT",C
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Stop
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//View
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Lbl A
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ClrHome
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For(A,1,8
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"!D:→Str1
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A
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Asm(prgmLBLRW
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Output(A,1,Ans
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End
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0
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While Ans≠21
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getKey
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If Ans≠0
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Output(8,1,"2ND TO QUIT
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Goto M
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//Edit
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Lbl B
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ClrHome
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Output(1,1,"1-8 TO EDIT
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Output(2,1,"OTHERS TO QUIT
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0→A
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0
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While Ans=0
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getKey
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If Ans=72
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7→A
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If Ans=73
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8→A
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If Ans=82
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4→A
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If Ans=83
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5→A
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If Ans=84
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6→A
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If Ans=92
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1→A
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If Ans=93
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2→A
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If Ans=94
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3→A
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End
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If A=0
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Goto M
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ClrHome
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Disp "ENTER NEW DATA
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Input "",Str1
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"D:"+Str1→Str1
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A
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Asm(prgmLBLRW
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ClrHome
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Disp "DATA CHANGED!
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While Ans≠21
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getKey
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End
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Goto M
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//Quit
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Lbl C
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ClrHome
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Stop
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//Data
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Lbl D
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PERIOD ONE
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PERIOD TWO
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PERIOD THREE
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PERIOD FOUR
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PERIOD FIVE
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PERIOD SIX
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PERIOD SEVEN
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PERIOD EIGHT
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/blah/2023-08-25.html
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the voices in my head just gave me a pep talk
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