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#!/bin/sh
#llllmmmm11234567892123456789312345678941234567895123456789612345678971234567890
# vim: syntax=:ts=8
set -ex
<"$0" python3 -c '
import os, sys
class File:
attributes = []; content = ""; substitutions = dict()
figurative = True; stub = True
def addattribute(self, *args):
for a in args: # sloppy but works
if a == "stub": self.stub = True
elif a == "verbatim": self.stub = False
elif a == "figuratively": self.figurative = True
elif a == "literally": self.figurative = False
def __init__(self, **kwargs):
for key in kwargs:
if key == "attributes": self.addattribute(*kwargs[key])
else: setattr(self, key, kwargs[key])
files = dict()
for part in reversed(sys.stdin.read().split("\n\n\n")):
name = "." + part.split("\n")[0]
if "\t" in "." + name:
attributes = name.split("\t")[1].split(",")
name = name.split("\t")[0]
else: attributes = []
if len(name) <= 1 or name[1] != "/" or "ignore" in attributes:
continue
content = part.split("\n\n")[0].split("\n")
substitutions = dict()
if(len(content) > 1):
for s in content[1:]:
s = s.split("\t")
if len(s) == 2: substitutions[s[0]] = s[1]
mode = "replace"
for attribute in attributes:
if attribute in ["append", "replace"]:
mode = attribute
attributes = list(set(attributes) ^ {"append", "replace"})
content = part[len("\n".join(content))+2:]
file = File(attributes = attributes, content = content + "\n",
substitutions = substitutions)
if mode == "append":
if not(name in files):
sys.stderr.write(sys.argv[0] + ": " + name + ": "
+ "appending to nothing\n")
else:
file.content = files[name].content + file.content
files[name] = file
for name in files:
if files[name].stub:
p = ""; s = ""; d = name
while True:
d = os.path.dirname(d)
if (p == ""
and os.path.join(d, "Prefix")
in files.keys()):
p = files[os.path.join(d, "Prefix")].content
if (s == ""
and os.path.join(d, "Suffix")
in files.keys()):
s = files[os.path.join(d, "Suffix")].content
if d == "." or (not(p == "") and not(s == "")):
break
files[name].content = p + files[name].content + s
if files[name].figurative:
content = files[name].content
for s in files[name].substitutions:
instances = []
i = 0
while True:
instance = content.find(s, i)
if instance == -1: break
instances += [instance]
i = instance + len(s)
if len(instances) == 0: continue
for i in reversed(instances):
content = (content[:i]
+ files[name].substitutions[s]
+ content[i+len(s):])
files[name].content = content
# TODO error checking
if not(os.path.isdir(os.path.dirname(name))):
os.makedirs(os.path.dirname(name))
with open(name, "w") as fd: fd.write(files[name].content)
d = ""; bucket = "#!/bin/sh\n"
for name in files:
d = name
while True:
if os.path.dirname(d) == ".":
mop = ("rm "
+ "-r " * os.path.isdir(d)
+ name # yeah this sucks
+ "\n"
)
if not(mop in bucket): bucket += mop
break
else:
d = os.path.dirname(d)
if len(bucket.split("\n")) > 2:
with open("./cleanup.sh", "w") as fd:
fd.write(bucket)
'
test -x homepage.local \
&& exec ./homepage.local \
|| test -e homepage.local \
&& exec sh ./homepage.local \
|| exit 0
/CNAME verbatim
www.trinity.moe
/BANNER.txt verbatim
/\ |/||\|| _\|||\ |||||/||\|\\// |\ /|/ \||\|
/ \ || || /|||\\|||| || || ||\/|| | ||>
/____\ _||__||\\||||\\|||__||_ _||_()||\/||\_/||/|
/license.html
<P>Except where noted, www.trinity.moe is available under the Blue Oak Model
License 1.0.0 as defined below.</P>
<PRE>
Blue Oak Model License, Version 1.0.0
Purpose
This license gives everyone as much permission to work with this
software as possible, while protecting contributors from liability.
Acceptance
In order to receive this license, you must agree to its rules. The
rules of this license are both obligations under that agreement and conditions
to your license. You must not do anything with this software that triggers a
rule that you cannot or will not follow.
Copyright
Each contributor licenses you to do everything with this software that
would otherwise infringe that contributor's copyright in it.
Notices
You must ensure that everyone who gets a copy of any part of this
software from you, with or without changes, also gets the text of this license
or a link to <https://blueoakcouncil.org/license/1.0.0>.
Excuse
If anyone notifies you in writing that you have not complied with the
Notices, you can keep your license by taking all practical steps to comply
within 30 days after the notice. If you do not do so, your license ends
immediately.
Patent
Each contributor licenses you to do everything with this software that
would otherwise infringe any patent claims they can license or become able to
license.
Reliability
No contributor can revoke this license.
No Liability
As far as the law allows, this software comes as is, without any
warranty or condition, and no contributor will be liable to anyone for any
damages related to this software or this license, under any kind of legal
claim.
</PRE>
/homepage.html
$!TITLE &quot;homepage&quot; documentation
$!DESCRIPTION one file, one website
<H1>&quot;homepage&quot; documentation</H1>
<H2>the forest</H2>
<P>
homepage is a single-file static site generator written in UNIX sh(1) shell
script, the goal being to contain a website with heirarchical page
organization within a single file that can be run to extract it out to the
filesystem, almost like a self-extracting UNIX tape archive that documents its
own layout in a UTF-8 script closer to English.
</P>
<H2>trees</H2>
<H3>files</H3>
<P>
To add a file to your homepage, append three newlines ('\n', or the
Enter/Return key on your keyboard) to the end of the homepage file, followed
by the path of the file to add. A homepage file path starts with a slash ('/')
and is followed by the path to the file relative to the prefix directory (the
directory containing homepage). A file path that starts with a hash ('#') is
discarded. For all non-slash- non-hash- prefixed file paths, the behavior of
homepage is undefined.
</P>
<H4>file attributes</H4>
<P>
On the same line as the file path, if, after the path, a tab ('\t') is
present, the substring following the first tab in the line and spanning to
and excluding the next tab or newline describes the attributes of the file as
it is exported to the file system. These file attributes are delimited by
commas (',') and there's no limit to the amount of attributes a file can
have, though in the event of conflicting attributes the later attribute
"wins" the conflict.
</P>
<TABLE>
<TR><TH>attribute</TH> <TH>default?</TH><TH>action</TH></TR>
<TR><TD>"figuratively"</TD><TD>yes</TD>
<TD>Indicates the file should be subject to macro expansion.</TD></TR>
<TR><TD>"ignore"</TD> <TD>no</TD> <TD>Ignore the current entry.</TD>
</TR>
<TR><TD>"literally"</TD> <TD>no</TD>
<TD>Opposite of "figuratively".</TD></TR>
<TR><TD>"stub"</TD> <TD>yes</TD>
<TD>Indicates the file should be exported to the filesystem with the
appropriate Prefix and Suffix files prepended or appended.</TD>
</TR>
<TR><TD>"verbatim"</TD> <TD>no</TD> <TD>Opposite of "stub".</TD></TR>
</TABLE>
/x200t/index.html
$!TITLE Thinkpad X200 Tablet
<SCRIPT TYPE="application/javascript">//<!--
window.onload = window.initializesheets;
//--></SCRIPT>
<H1>Thinkpad X200 Tablet</H1>
<H3>updated 2022-08-11</H3>
<HR ALIGN="left" SIZE="1" WIDTH="25%" />
<P>Contents</P>
<UL>
<LI><A HREF="#seealso" >See also</A></LI>
<LI><A HREF="#camera" >Integrated camera</A></LI>
<LI><A HREF="#drive" >SATA drive</A></LI>
<LI><A HREF="#drivecaddy" >Drive caddy</A></LI>
<LI><A HREF="#memory" >Memory</A></LI>
<LI><A HREF="#screws" >Screws</A></LI>
<LI><A HREF="#software" >Software</A></LI>
<LI><A HREF="#stylus" >Stylus</A></LI>
</UL>
<P ID="seealso">See also</P><UL>
<LI><A HREF="https://wiki.archlinux.org/title/Lenovo_ThinkPad_X200">Lenovo Thinkpad X200</A> (Arch Wiki)</LI>
<LI><A HREF="https://download.lenovo.com/pccbbs/mobiles_pdf/45n3683_04.pdf">Thinkpad X200 Tablet and X201 Tablet Hardware Maintenance Manual (fifth edition)</A> (<A HREF="https://web.archive.org/web/20210203043936/https://download.lenovo.com/pccbbs/mobiles_pdf/45n3683_04.pdf">Archive link</A>)</LI>
<LI><A HREF="https://linux-hardware.org/?view=computers&model=ThinkPad+X200+Tablet+(All)">Thinkpad X200 Tablet (All)</A> (Linux Hardware Database)</LI>
<LI><A HREF="https://www.thinkwiki.org/wiki/Category:X200_Tablet">X200 Tablet Overview</A> (Thinkwiki)</LI>
</UL>
<H2 ID="camera">Integrated camera</H2>
<P>
This is FRU 2060 in the hardware maintenance manual.
</P>
<P>
Some models have the camera, some don't.
It will be in the middle of the top of the screen bezel (looking at the screen with the <I>lenovo</I> logo oriented normally); some have a black plastic trapezoidal cover, some have the camera option.
Camera kits are available on-line for the X200 Tablet for around US$15 or so at time of writing.
</P>
<H2 ID="drive">SATA drive</H2>
<P>As far as I know, any 2.5" SATA laptop-sized drive will work.</P>
<P>
To replace the drive, locate the drive cover between the stylus holder and RJ-11 modem port on the right side of the laptop.
Unscrew the screw holding in the cover, to which the hard drive icon on the bottom of the laptop under the stylus holder is pointing.
Lift out the cover and there the drive will be exposed.
</P>
<H2 ID="drivecaddy">Hard drive caddy</H2>
<P>
Most of the eBay listings for X200 Tablets don't have hard drive covers or caddies.
You will want a caddy because it makes it much easier to get a drive out, and because it spaces out the drive in the space provided and provides some (minimal) amount of shock protection.
This is especially good for hard disks as you don't want those moving around in your laptop chassis, even if there's no risk of them being disconnected.
</P>
<P>
In a <I>pinch</I> you can use cardboard to space out a drive.
I made out okay using folded cardstock given that my X200 Tablet was going nowhere except my desk.
You should <I>not</I> do this for long periods, not really because there's some risk that increases as time wears on but just because in general it's stupid.
</P>
<P>
The same rubber rails that go around the hard drive, and the same metal thing that you screw onto the drive that has the black ribbon attached used to pull the drive out, are used for the X200, X200S, X200 Tablet, X201, X201S, X201 Tablet, T420, T420S, T430, and T430S, as far as I know.
Rubber rails for the X220 Tablet did not work, nor did the bay cover for the X220 Tablet work for the X200 Tablet.
</P>
<H2 ID="memory">Memory</H2>
<P>
This is FRU 1040 DIMM in the hardware maintenance manual.
The system memory modules and the access panel <I>only</I> have to be removed if the modules specifically are being replaced or if the system mainboard is getting replaced.
</P>
<P>
<A HREF="https://thinkpads.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=43&t=113310">RealBlackStuff says</A>
the X200 Tablet is compatible with <CODE>DDR3-1066 (PC3-8500)</CODE> and <CODE>DDR3-1333 (PC3-10600)</CODE>.
It's possible to have 8GB memory installed.
<A HREF="https://www.ebay.com/usr/laptopused">eBay seller laptopused</A> correlates that <CODE>DDR3-1333</CODE> dual-rank memory should work.
Apparently for technical reasons the X200 Tablet must take 2Rx8 memory; two ranks of eight chips, and for 8GB memory, 256MB per chip (divide 8192MB by 2 modules * 2 ranks * 8 chips).
</P>
<P>
OEM-configured laptops can have <CODE>DDR3-1066</CODE> memory from Elpida or Samsung.
<A HREF="https://www.laptopmag.com/reviews/laptops/lenovo-thinkpad-x200-tablet">Laptop Mag says</A> the laptop came with 2GB RAM by default and is upgradeable to 4GB but most laptops for sale secondhand have 4GB memory installed.
Types 7449-43U and 7450-EYU came with 2x2GB <CODE>DDR3-1066 SO-DIMM (PC3-8500)</CODE>.
</P>
<P>
I got in touch with eBay seller <A HREF="https://ebay.com/seller?sid=woosterpsu">woosterpsu</A> who was auctioning off an X200 Tablet to benefit the Electronic Frontier Foundation with 8GB RAM installed and reported in the BIOS.
The seller sent me an image of the installed memory: a Hynix 4GB 2Rx8 PC3-10600S and a Dell P/N SNPX830DC/4G, both scavenged from other laptops.
These are <I>confirmed working</I> in a Core2 Duo L9400 X200 Tablet.
</P>
<H2 ID="screws">Screws</H2>
<P>
Per the hardware maintenance manual (page 225), the following screws are necessary for full assembly of the X200 Tablet:
</P>
<TABLE>
<TR><TH>Quantity</TH> <TH>Head</TH> <TH>Length</TH> <TH>Style</TH> <TH>Color</TH> </TR>
<TR><TD>1</TD> <TD>M1.6</TD> <TD>6mm</TD> <TD>Wafer head</TD> <TD>Silver</TD></TR>
<TR><TD>1</TD> <TD>M2</TD> <TD>2.5mm</TD> <TD>Wafer head</TD> <TD>Black</TD> </TR>
<TR><TD>11</TD> <TD>M2</TD> <TD>3mm</TD> <TD>Flat head</TD> <TD>Black</TD> </TR>
<TR><TD>18</TD> <TD>M2</TD> <TD>3.5mm</TD> <TD>Wafer head</TD> <TD>Silver</TD></TR>
<TR><TD>1</TD> <TD>M2</TD> <TD>3.5mm</TD> <TD>Wafer head</TD> <TD>Black</TD> </TR>
<TR><TD>3</TD> <TD>M2</TD> <TD>6mm</TD> <TD>Wafer head</TD> <TD>Silver</TD></TR>
<TR><TD>13</TD> <TD>M2</TD> <TD>6mm</TD> <TD>Wafer head</TD> <TD>Black</TD> </TR>
<TR><TD>1</TD> <TD>M2</TD> <TD>3mm</TD> <TD>Stud (height=4.2mm)</TD> <TD>Black</TD> </TR>
<TR><TD>1</TD> <TD>M2</TD> <TD>3mm</TD> <TD>Stud (height=5.5mm)</TD> <TD>Black</TD> </TR>
<TR><TD>6</TD> <TD>M2.5</TD> <TD>6mm</TD> <TD>Wafer head</TD> <TD>Black</TD> </TR>
<TR><TD>9</TD> <TD>M2.5</TD> <TD>8mm</TD> <TD>Wafer head</TD> <TD>Black</TD> </TR>
<TR><TD>1</TD> <TD>M3</TD> <TD>3mm</TD> <TD>Wafer head (HDD screw)</TD> <TD>Black</TD> </TR>
</TABLE>
<P>
Additionally listed are 9 circular screw caps and 6 square screw caps.
</P>
<P>
Two screw kits are listed with part numbers <CODE>45N3139</CODE> and <CODE>60Y4164</CODE>.
The difference is that <CODE>45N3139</CODE> has one more M2x3.5mm silver wafer head screw listed (18 versus 17).
<CODE>45N3139</CODE>'s contents in particular are reflected in the table above.
</P>
<P>On page 79 of the hardware maintenance manual some very rarely-noted screw notices are listed that are worth repeating, though it's up to the maintainer to follow the practices they so choose:</P>
<UL>
<LI>Always use new screws. (This is repeated earlier in the page; according to the manual, ThinkPad Notebooks have "special nylon-coated screws" that should be used only once.)</LI>
<LI>Use a torque screwdriver if you have one.</LI>
<LI>When tightening plastic against plastic, turn an additional 90 degrees after the screw head touches the surface of the plastic part.</LI>
<LI>When tightening logic cards against plastic, turn an additional 180 degrees after the screw head touches the surface of the plastic part.</LI>
<LI>If you have a torque driver, refer to the "Torque" column for each step.</LI>
<LI>
Make sure that you use the correct screw.
If you have a torque screwdriver, tighten all screws firmly to the torque shown in the table.
<B>Never use a screw that you removed. Use a new one. Make sure that all of the screws are tightened firmly.</B>
</LI>
</UL>
<H2 ID="software">Software</H2>
<P>
For some procedures in the hardware maintenance manual a ThinkPad Hardware Maintenance Diskette is needed.
This was available only to licensed dealers.
</P>
<P>
Here's a chart of executable names relevant to the X200 Tablet as provided from Lenovo and their product names.
A lot of this is sourced from hearsay and olden lore so it may not be fully accurate, and definitely isn't complete.
Also, I trimmed down redundant sections of product names - for example, <CODE>7wuj45uc.iso</CODE> is actually <I>BIOS Update Bootable CD <B>for Windows 7 (32-bit, 64-bit), Vista (32-bit, 64-bit), XP - ThinkPad</B></I> but if it's bootable itself operating system compatibility likely doesn't matter.
</P>
<TABLE>
<TR><TH>Executable</TH> <TH>Product name</TH> <TH>Version</TH> </TR>
<TR><TD>6itr02ww.zip</TD> <TD>BIOS Settings Capture/Playback Utility</TD> <TD>4.01</TD> </TR>
<TR><TD>7wuj45uc.iso</TD> <TD>BIOS Update Bootable CD</TD> <TD>3.21</TD> </TR>
<TR><TD>7wuj45u6.exe</TD> <TD>BIOS Update Utility for Windows 7 (32-bit, 64-bit), Vista (32-bit, 64-bit), XP</TD> <TD>3.21</TD></TR>
<TR><TD>6ea118ww.exe</TD> <TD>Conexant Audio Driver for Windows Vista (32-bit, 64-bit), XP</TD> <TD>4.92.15.0 / 3.64.15.0</TD></TR>
<TR><TD>6ea160ww.exe</TD> <TD>Conexant Audio Software for Windows 7 (32-bit, 64-bit)</TD> <TD>4.92.12.0</TD></TR>
<TR><TD>maint150.exe</TD> <TD>IBM Thinkpad Hardware Maintenance Diskette (HMD)</TD> <TD>1.50</TD> </TR>
<TR><TD>maint160.exe</TD> <TD>IBM Thinkpad Hardware Maintenance Diskette (HMD)</TD> <TD>1.60</TD> </TR>
<TR><TD>maint169.exe</TD> <TD>IBM Thinkpad Hardware Maintenance Diskette (HMD)</TD> <TD>1.69</TD> </TR>
<TR><TD>i7tm23us.exe</TD> <TD>IBM Thinkpad Hardware Maintenance Diskette (HMD)</TD> <TD>1.75</TD> </TR>
<TR><TD>i7tm25us.exe</TD> <TD>IBM Thinkpad Hardware Maintenance Diskette (HMD)</TD> <TD>1.77</TD> </TR>
<TR><TD>i7tm37us.exe</TD> <TD>Unknown</TD> <TD>Unknown</TD> </TR>
<TR><TD>i7tm38us.exe</TD> <TD>IBM Thinkpad Hardware Maintenance Diskette (HMD)</TD> <TD>1.89</TD> </TR>
<TR><TD>83ts04ww.exe</TD> <TD>ThinkPad BIOS Settings for Windows 7 (32-bit), Vista (32-bit), XP, 2000</TD> <TD>3.03</TD></TR>
</TABLE>
<P>
Lenovo's X200 Tablet downloads won't last forever.
Here's a JavaScript that allows a user to download arbitrary executables from Lenovo's download servers.
</P>
<INPUT ID="executable" VALUE="i7tm38us.exe" />
<INPUT ONCLICK="window.location.href = 'http://download.lenovo.com/ibmdl/pub/pc/pccbbs/mobiles/' + document.getElementById('executable').value;" TYPE="button" VALUE="Download" />
<P>The following operating systems were available pre-installed by the OEM, depending on the variant:</P>
<UL>
<LI>Microsoft Windows XP Tablet (32 bit)</LI>
<LI>Microsoft Windows Vista Home Premium (32 bit)</LI>
<LI>Microsoft Windows Vista Business (32 bit)</LI>
<LI>Microsoft Windows Vista Business (64 bit)</LI>
<LI>Microsoft Windows Vista Ultimate (32 bit</LI>
<LI>Microsoft Windows 7 Home Basic (32 bit)</LI>
<LI>Microsoft Windows 7 Home Premium (32 bit)</LI>
<LI>Microsoft Windows 7 Home Premium (64 bit)</LI>
<LI>Microsoft Windows 7 Professional (32 bit)</LI>
<LI>Microsoft Windows 7 Professional (64 bit)</LI>
</UL>
<P>9front system usage is described in the <A HREF="http://fqa.9front.org/fqa3.html#3.2.5.2.1">9front FQA, section 3.2.5.2.1</A>.</P>
<P>Linux system usage is described in detail on the <A HREF="#seealso">Arch GNU+Linux wiki</A> - any Linux or UNIX specific knowledge I have I add to the Arch wiki rather than putting on this page.</P>
<H2 ID="stylus">Stylus</H2>
<P>
The X200 Tablet originally came with a single-button stylus with a gray "eraser".
I found some single-button stylus from eBay, with a red "eraser", and that worked too.
I have a two-button stylus that came with another X200 Tablet but it's as of yet untested.
The Fujitsu T-5000 digitizer pen does work, identically according to <CODE>xev(1)</CODE>.
</P>
<P>
<B>Do not</B> try to insert two-button Thinkpad styluses into the stylus holder of the X200 Tablet as they'll become stuck in there because of how the buttons are shaped.
To remove a stuck stylus the digitizer pen case (part number <CODE>45N3146</CODE>) must be unscrewed and removed from the chassis.
Following the hardware maintenance manual, remove FRUs "1020 Battery pack" and "1060 Keyboard" and follow steps 6 and 7 of the removal process of FRU "1180 DC-in connector, fan, digitizer pen case, and pen switch assembly".
No other FRUs need to be removed, nor do any other steps of the removal process of FRU 1180 need to be followed.
</P>
/hacker-howto/index.html
$!TITLE How to Become A Hacker
<H2>How to Become A Hacker</H2>
<H3>Deven Trinity Blake</H3>
<P><CODE>&lt;<A HREF="mailto:trinity@trinity.moe">trinity@trinity.moe</A>&gt;</CODE></P>
<P>No Copyright 🄯 2021 Deven T. Blake</P>
<HR />
<H2>Why This Document?</H2>
<P>
A lot of hackers consider Eric S. Raymond's original <A HREF="http://www.catb.org/~esr/faqs/hacker-howto.html"><I>How to Become A Hacker</I></A> to be definitive, for good reason.
It explains the "hacker philosophy", some key things at which one should be good, and is a good compass that points to What to Learn Next.
I myself stumbled upon the document maybe a decade or so ago, when I was a small impressionable child, and know half of what I do because of where it pointed me.
I think, however, that <I>How to Become A Hacker</I> is a bit dated, so I'm writing this to be a nice complementary piece for those to read <B>after they read esr's original</B>.
</P>
<P>
If you are reading a snapshot of this document offline, the current version lives at <A HREF="http://www.trinity.moe/hacker-howto">http://www.trinity.moe/hacker-howto</A>.
</P>
<H2>Basic Hacking Skills</H2>
<H3>1. Learn how to program</H3>
<P>
Python is an okay first language as long as you don't take it too seriously.
As said by smarter people than me, Python is a glue language.
It's slow and a bit basic, but its errors are often easy to solve, so do as much as you can with Python and Python libraries, and do the rest in faster languages.
</P>
<P>
Never touch Java.
Not even once.
While at one point it was promising, it's become a monstrous beast and it must be slain through attrition.
</P>
<P>
When you are good at programming you will think <I>outside</I> of programming languages.
Programming languages are tools for a job.
Some are better suited to some tasks than others.
For example, I would use C as a language for building utilities for myself, as I want them to be blisteringly fast and I know that's easier to do in C than Python.
I've written utilities in Python to know how I want them to behave, and then perfected them by rewriting them in C.
This being said, when learning a language for the first time, <I>master</I> it, <I>then</I> move on.
</P>
<H3>2. Get one of the open-source Unixes and learn to use and run it.</H3>
<P>
<B>Don't</B> try to program on Microsoft Windows.
Seriously.
This is the one mistake almost all beginners make; they'll install fifty different tools onto their MS Windows system in order to make a simple program that doesn't really work because their tutorial only works for UNIX.
Just install a Free UNIX-clone ("clone" in this context is not a bad thing; most Free UNIX-clones are much more practical in this world than the original) and learn how to work in it.
In fact, you may want to learn <I>shell</I> before anything else.
When you know how to
<OL>
<LI>Make a directory,</LI>
<LI>Make an empty file within that directory,</LI>
<LI>Overwrite the file with exactly 500B of random data,</LI>
<LI>Mark the file as executable,</LI>
<LI>Print the file to the terminal as readable, hexadecimal data,</LI>
<LI>And remove the directory and the file,</LI>
</OL>
you will know enough to start on your journey into hacking.
</P>
<P>
BSDs are awesome and I use a BSD myself, but perhaps start with Linux as there's a much bigger community to help you there.
There are no longer any good non-UNIX operating systems.
The importance of choosing a Free operating system cannot be understated.
It's hard to learn from your OS's code when your OS's code is only readable by those within the corporation that made the OS.
</P>
<P>
Don't use Ubuntu as it suffers from many of the flaws that drive non-hacker Windows users to Linux-based systems.
Instead, try Linux Mint, which is based on Ubuntu but without the more annoying issues.
</P>
<H3>3. Learn how to use the World Wide Web and write HTML.</H3>
<P>
View the source code of the original <I>How to Become A Hacker</I> and then read the source code to this webpage.
</P>
<H3>4. If you don't have functional English, learn it.</H3>
<P>
It's unfortunate that English has become the lingua franca of the Internet.
But it's true, it has, and it's more or less required learning if you want to become a hacker.
</P>
<H3>5. Learn to use a search engine.</H3>
<P>
This is my own tip.
<B>This is the most important thing on this page</B>.
How to accomplish this is an exercise left to the reader.
</P>
/style.css verbatim
@font-face {
font-family: "unscii16";
src: url("unscii-16.ttf") format("ttf"),
url("unscii-16.woff") format("woff");
}
a { color: #fff; }
body { /* copied from a textfile site because idk css */
background: #000;
color: #ffdbdb;
display: grid;
grid-template-rows: auto 1fr auto;
margin: 0 auto 0 auto;
text-align: left;
width: 80ch;
}
.txt {
font-family: "unscii16", monospace;
font-smooth: never;
-webkit-font-smoothing: none;
-moz-osx-font-smoothing: grayscale;
}
pre { /* DRY who? */
font-family: "unscii16", monospace;
font-smooth: never;
-webkit-font-smoothing: none;
-moz-osx-font-smoothing: grayscale;
}
@media (prefers-color-scheme: light) {
a { color: #000 !important; }
body { background: #eee !important;
color: #333 !important; }
}
/blah/2024-04-18.html
First doctor's appointment since 2022 or so, which doesn't seem like a long
time in numbers but feels like a world ago. Last time I had a doctor's
appointment Usagi covered kitchen for me and I left [...] at noon and walked up
Pine Street to the brick and sunshine and sterile interiors to go to the
pediatrician, who was a nurse practitioner (is that how you spell that?)
filling in for Jonathan who had seen me the previous dozen or so years, which
means a lot more when you're 18. This time [...] and [...] are probably in the
kitchen and I'm in a college hospital in a city - was - and got my shit checked
out by a nurse, college student, and nurse practicioner (is that how you spell
that?).
My friends really want me to see a therapist. So did the nurse practishuhner -
[...] kept me honest when filling out the mental health forms and apparently
they did not indicate such a hot pink sparkly life as I lead. They were also
more concerned about my chronic short- and long-term memory loss than I am, and
recommended Aquaphor for the thing happening on my foot. I got prescribed
patches for estrogen because I want my tits to get even bigger (they are pretty
big right now, and would be described so even on a cis woman) and because I
forget the sublingual tablets fairly often. I also feel worried about brushing
my teeth after holding them under my tongue and never remember to do so before-
hand. I've never been that great at remembering to brush my teeth.
I was blah-bbing around when I had my last doctor's appointment. Goodness.
Before today the last time I had any pizza was February 2023 I think, and I
think I had Domino's with [...] and [...] in [...]'s room. When I look back it
all seems so flat, like it happened so fast. But at the time I was amazed at
how slowly time moved. Now time races by me.
I saw Good Will Hunting today. Cool to hear Elliot Smith (is that who that
was?) in the flick. It made me miss Maine less. The South Boston slums look a
lot like Lewiston. Today a lot of the Coloradan doctors were surprised I came
from Maine. I have a Mehnn accint, jus'sligh'ly, baht it prahbahbly sahnds like
a New Englund accent to the untrained ear. Got a ton of labs done. Estrogen,
testosterone, blood sugar, other shit I forgot to read. They laid me down so I
didn't pass out like that other time where I came to thinking I was in Five
Nights at Freddy's. I accidentally fasted for it because I was on a low-carb
diet and didn't know what to eat and so had nothing to eat - I quit, today, at
Marco's when we got two large pizzas and three free fountain drinks and I drank
a Dr. Pepper, a Mug root beer, and a half-and-half of both just to see what it
would taste like.
The nurse practishinner really wanted me to take a psyche eval. I said I was
probably fine and probably wasn't depressed or anxious. [...] gave them a funny
look while I said it.
Last night I said some things to my friends that felt mean, and I wish I
didn't. They said it seemed pretty normal to them which is what feels
especially bad. For the first time in a good while I don't have any particular
urge to get high.
My blood pressure was good, weight is 192lbs, height is 72.5in with sandals on.
My Maine state ID issued 2022-09-19 said my weight was 215lbs so that's 20lbs
in 1.5 years. Maybe in five years I'll feel comfortable going to the beach. The
only time I've ever felt comfortable in the water is when [...] and I went
skinny dipping at night in Winthrop.
Boston is to New England what Colorado Springs is to Colorado. But Denver has
more notable adjacent towns like Aurora; Boston has Worcester (with the world's
shittiest Burger King) and Reading (with the world's biggest pricks). I'm not
sure what Colorado Springs has near it.
I wonder if I have any STDs or STIs or diabetes or anything. I'm scared
shitless of HIV or diabetes. I was roommates with a guy with HIV and he was
cool and took his precautions and had no problem talking about what it was like
with me, though society is unkind to those who are HIV+ and he wouldn't talk
about it with just anyone. And plenty of people have diabetes and ration
insulin and die so I guess I have that to look forward to if that happens. But
these lifelong illnesses aren't death sentences anymore, especially for people
with Medicaid, so I'll be alright either way hopefully. Diana was right - give
your HIV+ friend a hug.
Can you believe I can write all this shit and can't get myself to work on the
book I'm writing?
/blah/2024-04-17.html
Trip is cancelled. [...] vetoed it for the following reasons:
- LSD conflicts with packages already installed in my system and may result in
instability.
- I have a history of moderate drug abuse; it is hard for me to cope with
things without some substance and I spend little of my time sober.
I keep thinking about [...]. It's terrifying how many people would be hurt if I
died. I don't want to end my life in bad kharma.
I disagree with the notion that kharma is retributive; that it seeks to punish
those that deserve it. Kharma is an observation, a description. Kharma is the
realization that intentionally malicious action causes harm both to others and
one's self, an almost Newtonian law for that impossible-to-analyze humanity.
One time when I was 16 or 17 my parents noticed I had a pimple on my arm and
boxed me into the bathroom and popped it. I broke down sobbing at the
realization that, though they had had almost no positive contribution to my
life and I barely even knew them as people, having been raised mostly by my
grandparents and 4chan/b/, I still hadn't earned my bodily autonomy from them,
and truly there was nothing I could do to get away from them without attracting
the police or whoever else they would call to come looking for me until I
turned 18. I was almost like their housecat, more a housecat than a kid. The
conditions of the household deteriorated over the course of my childhood. Their
cat, Gator, stopped eating and apparently went into shock after my parents kept
yelling at him and spritzing him with a water bottle. He was their stand-in
after I went numb to their yelling at me. I sort of envy people whose parents
were nice to them, though I don't spread the bad kharma. When I'm high and
people tell me about how their parents did something loving for them sometimes
I just break the fuck down.
In the (literal) closet with the morning sun starting to trickle in after
another night of sleeplessness when we were 15 or 16 Usagi and I messaged over
Instagram. I don't have the stubs anymore so here's a recollection.
[U]: Have you ever noticed people with adverse experiences are the most likely
to turn out LGBT+?
[3]: Yeah but I've never really thought about why.
[U]: There's the neocon view that getting your shit fucked up causes your brain
to be fucked up. But I think it's just because it's harder to lie to
yourself when you're in a really bad place. You have to be honest with
yourself or you won't make it out of there.
I came out to them as trans either a little bit before or a little bit after
that.
/blah/2024-04-15.html
Cyberpunk diet is low carb and high protein. I pray to Snoop Dogg that I may be
forever high. Ecoterrorism is based.
my money don't jiggle jiggle, it folds
you wanna watch tv
Batman: The Brave and the Bold
Creeper? Aw man. So here's what I did today: [television static] I forgor skull
I had some weed, had some beer, had some coffee, had a shit ton of ice cream.
I've never in my life had beef stroganov or chicken salad and don't plan to.
I feel like I'm melting between scenes. There are little disjointed bits of
minutes when I look at the clock and then an hour later I don't understand how
the time has passed. I can't tell when people are following what I'm saying. I
can't tell when what I'm saying is coherent. It's like there's a timing issue,
or a race condition, or some difficult error in my brain it's impossible for me
to debug. It's like trying to fix typos without being able to see the text
being corrected. I hear people talking when they aren't and can't hear a
fucking thing when they are. Driftveil City Theme. I think everyone around me
despises me. I don't think there's any amount of sleep that will make me feel
well rested or any amount of rest that will make me stop feeling like I have
white hot needles coursing through my veins and every beat of my heart is just
ticking further along until I drop dead at 27.
"Trinity, this book says the revolution starts when you go on a walk."
The best word to describe me right now is scattered. mi pakala
I can't go grocery shopping on my own because I float through aisles,
backtrack, jog from one section to the next with my basket when the synapses
fire in the order that finally tells me what I need. I linger in the hardware
section, flow through bread, liquor, snacks, get caught up in the asian foods
section, go back to somewhere to find sriracha. The knives talk to me - really!
I like to look at my reflection in the stainless steel before continuing onward
after finding the kitchen timer I wanted. Are they real? Are their words? Does
it matter?
The Atari 2600 has 128B of memory which is more than I could keep on the top of
my head. Sometimes I make a choice and it doesn't matter whether the direction
is followed or not because I will meet the same future either way. Half my
friends came from hell, half are heading there. Scattered.
In amongst the ranting and raving everyone's dragging through my head, if you
talked to me you might even think I was normal. Prey animals don't show they're
wounded. Perhaps even I'm alright, just a little funky wunky. You know I'm
always full of loosely connected non sequiters, thinly explained relevances.
I've seen every Tarantino movie (except Natural Born Killers - does that
count?).
2024-04-14
[mi] [wile] [e] [ni]: [sina][moli][e] [mi]
[o] [moli] [e] [mi], [wile]
[awen][ala] [lon] [ni]
[mi] [wile] [moli], [mi] [wile][moli]
[mi] [wile] [moli], [moli] [e] [mi]
[mi] [en] [moli] [mi], [mi] [en] [moli][mi]
[li] [kulupu][mi], [mi] [wile][e] [ni]
[pini][mi] [la], [tenpo][li] [suli]
[pini][mi] [li], [suwi] [ala] [lili]
[pini][mi] [la], [mi] [pali][e] [ni]:
[loje][jan] [insa], [pi ali mi]
/blah/2024-04-14.html
I saw bad stuff on the Internet yesterday and I wanna write about it. I at one
point had more to say but after some research I don't believe my point still
stands (I was going to argue that pedophilia, though much less common than it
used to be, is normal in our society; after reviewing statistics and
definitions I wouldn't say that is true). Here are some well-cited statistics
because otherwise my research would go to /dev/null (my brain only):
I Merriam-Webster defines pedophilia as "sexual perversion in which children
are the preferred sexual object"; specifically "a psychiatric disorder in
which an adult has sexual fantasies about or engages in sexual acts with a
prepubescent child" (&lt;https://merriam-webster.com/dictionary/pedophilia>).
2 Pedophilia is evidently common in the present day; nearly one in six men
surveyed (15.1%) of 1945 in a 2023 Australian study anonymously
self-reported sexual feelings towards children (&lt;https://www.humanrights.
unsw.edu.au/sites/default/files/documents/Indentifying%20and%20
understanding%20child%20sexual%20offending%20behaviour%20and%20attitudes
%20among%20Australian%20men.pdf>).
As a side note: I skimmed the study and statistics collection and the survey
questions all seemed clear and direct. The results are much more damning than I
would expect. I remember, before this article came out, reading that one in six
men were pedophiles, but most figures I can find on-line are much lower,
particularly ones that are not the results of studies but instead speculation
by authorities.
I think people who sexually abuse children should be slaughtered, ideally
publicly. I don't believe in rehabilitation for child molesters. I'm not picky
about the means of doing so and I wouldn't prioritize "humane" (quick) methods.
ISIS-style beheading would be fine.
When I was 15 I knew someone my age who believed they were a prostitute and
regularly did cocaine; now I would call that child sexual assault and providing
drugs to a minor. She was socially isolated. I helped her with her math
homework in class and in a level in which we were expected to graph quadratic
functions on paper she was struggling with the concepts of variables and
exponents. The teacher in the class felt she was simply lazy - which is much
worse to me now than when I was in high school - and couldn't spend time
helping her understand these concepts. My peer wasn't able to stay after school
to catch up and even if she did I don't know if I could have at 15 taught
someone through multiple grade levels of maths. Her academics were being
jeopardized by her guardians who were either negligent or complicit in their
child being pimped out and given drugs. I don't remember if she graduated.
Child abuse leaves very deep scars. She wasn't the only one I knew who was
abused but her story ("her story" - I sound like a fucking prick. She was cool
and we hung out in the field during Gym and talked about the drugs we wanted to
try) stuck with me as particularly sad. Some of the people I knew who were
abused went on to needlessly harm others, perpetuating a cycle of abuse. Others
became social workers - hopefully, helping others work through their own
trauma.
This is what I remember when I see people on-line sharing not real pictures,
but drawings of child abuse, often idealizing the acts depicted. "Loli" and
"shota" porn coats in sugar some of the shittiest possible things that can
happen. Perhaps this isn't a revolutionary take; hopefully it is the most
common opinion on the matter. Children should be protected from harm. Imagery
that portrays child abuse as anything but horrifically evil is created and
shared by people who either don't understand the gravity of what it is they're
sharing (i.e. people who are minors themselves) or subhuman filth who should be
put before a firing squad.
There's this one board on a chan site that focuses on drawn, sexualized gore. I
don't really care to write about "guro" porn because I don't have gathered
thoughts on the matter or the ethics of its consumption. I find it nearly
impossible to browse the board because for every ten drawings of adults killing
each other in coitus there is one cartoon of a minor doing the same and, like a
bird hitting a pin feather when preening, I feel a sudden, sharp pain in my
heart. This is the area that used to feel empathy and now rarely lights up
anymore. I remember the hollow stares of some of my friends coming in to school
from the morning taking the bus from their personal hells that they called
their homes. Then I close the site and never go back to the thread I was
reading. I've done this about three times, each time returning after a longer
period than before, and yesterday when it happened again I closed the site and
I'm not opening it again. Honestly I should have known better than to return
after the first time.
There's a chan site, wirechan.org, that unlike the last one is actually good
and tends to have good people posting. Recently it was raided by a horde of
wild... pedophiles? I'm not familiar with that part of the Internet and don't
wanna be. Someone found a murderu.us XMPP advertisement I posted somewhere
(if I recall, wirechan/b/), joined #subgeneral, and wrote something in the chat
about sexually provocative kids and a -9 months age of consent. I learned how
to ban users and added more admins in case something like that ever happens
again, and I'm thankful pedophilic imagery wasn't posted in the chat. This is
why you can't put image uploads on murderu.us - I don't want CSAM on my server.
Immediately after they started posting, people in chat were making fun of them.
After they were banned the digs at what they said continued. murderu.us
participants are cool.
I know pedophilic content is common on the Internet where scum can collect in
moist, dark places and send spores drifting around the open air of the web that
give people the occasional fungal infection or lung condition. I know
pedophilia is common even among real human beings. I just have had a hard time
with this knowledge and I wanted to write about what about this was hard for me
to understand and why I get so angry at pedophilia whether demonstrated or
glorified. I've been in a bad mood today and I think these two things I saw on-
line were a part of it.
I've been trying to use shorter sentences and more punctuation to try to make
my writing more coherent but I'm not sure if this blahpost reads easily. I
think it would be hard to misconstrue my points though, which I wanted to be
sure of because miscommunication here would be pretty awful.
/blah/2024-04-13.html
ona | it
li lon | is
lukin | to the eye
la |
ona | it
li lon ala | is not
ona | it
li sona | knows
e ni | that
jan | people
li moku | are food
tawa ona | to it
ona | it
li moku pona | eats well
ona | it
li | is
lon ma lawa insa | in the inside of heads
isipin | thought
li pali | creates
e ona | it
tenpo ni | now
la sina sona | you know
e ona | it
tenpo ni | now
la ona | it
li sona | knows
e sina | you
o kon. o pilin e lawa sewi sina. ni li pona. ni li pona anu seme? o isipin ala
e ni, tan tenpo sina li lili mute. o tawa. sijelo sina li kalama. sijelo sina
li wile e tawa ala e utala ala e kon ike ala. o utala e wile pi sijelo sina.
there's this void inside that loves me
and it once wished i were well
and it's this void that's inside me
that's just there causing my deepest hell
it's silenced all of my cries
when i've tried to scream for help
but i still think i kinda like it
because it loves me like no one else
no
the lattice of its chaos marches on so far away
laying groundwork for my madness so that i know what to say
its rehearsal of internal conflict causing me slow decay
is etching my destruction onto the surface of my brain
That poem isn't complete nor are any this is BLAH we PUBLISH UNFINISHED WORKS
up in this bitch take yo ass back to SUBSTACK
/blah/2024-04-12.html
I'm high as hell.
o telo oko |
pi pilin ike | cry
o weka | discard
e lipu pona | good records
pi pilin pona | of good feeling
o sona | know
e ni: | this:
moku | consume
e pilin ike | the bad feelings
la | and
pilin ike moku | the bad feelings consume
e sina | you
o toki | speak
lon toki ike | in cruel speech
o ike | be cruel
e jan ante | to others
o sona | know
e ni: | this:
sina awen | you wait,
la | and
tenpo sina | your time
li kama ala pona | doesn't get better
sina weka | discard
e ale pona | all that is good
la | and
ale ike | all that is bad
li weka | does away with
e kon sina | your soul
kon mi | my soul
li ike kin | is bad too
mi ike | i'm sorry
/blah/2024-04-11.html
: list of things I own in Colorado
I have a blue string bag given to me by [...] with WARREN WARRIORS written on
the front. I take it to work. In it is
- a Nook (1st generation) reader
- 3 name tags, one of which with my name on it, the other two blank
- my work visor, apron, and shirt, which has another name tag on it
- a paint scraper
- sunglasses
- a bottle of probably 500 200mg caffeine pills (enough to kill 250 people, in
case you're wondering what the DEA would think about that)
- my uncashed Colorado state tax return check
- an eggs goldenrod recipe (which I owe a co-worker)
- a small bottle of ibuprofen
- a tin with antibacterial ointment and half a dozen Band-Aids
- a sewing kit (length of paracord, chalk, needle, thread) in a plastic bag
- my Hydroflask (beat to utter shit)
Next is my backpack, an Osprey Farpoint 40L which is the biggest carry-on I
could have on a Greyhound and has served me well in the almost-year I've had
it. In it is
- a lighter
- nail clippers
- a compass
- 8 IKEA pencils
- a very warm beanie
- a Quansheng UV-K6 with retractible antenna and programming cable
- a Searick MP3 player (which I should give back to the former owner)
- an iPhone 6 Plus
- an iPhone 4 (jailbroken)
- a DC5525 plug, alligator clips cable
- a DC5525 plug-plug cable
- a very damaged Geiger counter, sans Geiger tube
- 3 black bandannas
- a bra
- pink-and-white striped thigh-highs
- one unmatched Kinco Frost Breaker glove
- another bra
- a pair of wool socks
- a pair of underwear
- an unmatched sock
- two more pairs of underwear
- a pair of shorts
- a pair of socks
- an unfinished letter (maybe from December or January?):
[toki][a]
[nasin][En][Musi][Ale], [mi][jo][e][kala][pona][tawa][mi]: [kala][suli].
[lon][moku][unintelligible][mije][jo][e][unintelligible]. [jan][mute][li]
[moku][e][ona]. [unintelligible][li][ike][mute][li][ike][mute][tawa][mi].
[mi][sona][e][ni]: [mi][olin][e][kala][suli][la][jan][ante][li][olin][e]
[kala][suli][la][jan][mute][ala][li][moku][e][kala][suli][la][kala][suli][li]
[moli][ala]. [kala][suli][li][moli][ala][la][mi][li][pilin pona]. [mi][wile]
[e][unintelligible]. [kala][suli][li][suwi][tawa][mi]. [mi][lukin][ala][e]
[ona]. [unintelligible][li][unintelligible][ala][e][ante][tawa][mi]. [kala]
[suli][li][suwi][tawa][mi]. [mi][wile][ni]: [jan][ale][li][moli][ala][e]
[soweli][ale][e][kala][ale][e][akesi][ale]. [mi][olin][e][soweli][ale][e]
[kala][ale][e][akesi][ale][e][kala][utala].
[unintelligible][olin][mute][la][tan][soweli][san]
- a folder full of working papers and bank statements
- a first aid kit in a plastic bag:
- CVS pain-free wrapping
- gauze and naloxone in another plastic bag
- 4 travel canisters of baby powder
- a bottle of spray Aquaphor
- a Gameboy cartridge case with a condom in it
- a roll of climber's tape
- a tube of toothpaste
- a tube of antibiotic ointment, with acetaminophen
- a packet of 2 acetaminophen tablets
- two packs of razor blades
- a sunscreen stick
- a bottle of acetaminophen
- a small vial with a Nook (1st generation) speaker detached from the
mainboard, and a plastic piece that came off with it
- a prescription bottle (labelless) with a blunt in it
- a prescription bottle (labelless) with aspirin powder in it
- Franz Kafka, the Beanie Baby kiwi (a flightless bird)
- a rainbow (red, orange, yellow, blue) sweatband
- a Sony Discman (untested) with the Zelda 25th anniversary special orchestra
CD in it
- a Searick lanyard
- a canister of Dr. Martens Wonder Balsam
- a choker given to me by the lead singer of Stalk at Squashed Warehouse last
summer
- another pair of underwear
- the matching sock
- a flashlight/lantern/power bank
- a $20 preloaded debit card, paid in cash anonymously
- a USB-C plug-plug cable
- a 3.5mm TRRS plug-plug cable
- two pocket notebooks, one empty
- the toki pona cheat sheet, printed and folded to be pocket sized
- a pocket dhammapada
- a pocket cleaning cloth
- a spool of thread
- a bottle of black nail polish
- a tube of carmex
- a deck of cards
- a bag full of cables
- a bag full of bags
- my prescriptions (estrogen and spironolactone) and multivitamins
- a pill organizer, that also has diphenhydramine in case I need it
- my important documents
Next is my sleeping bag bag (the bag that holds my sleeping bag; at one point I
knew the domain-specific term for this, but now I don't) which contains
- a bivy
- a sleeping bag
And after that is a box I have for excess storage, as I've basically had
permanent residence for nearly six months now and have accumulated some extra
things and moved some things out of my backpack. It has
- about two square meters of black fabric I purchased at Wal Mart
- two wool t-shirts
- a small hand towel
- an unmatched sock
- a cloth mask
- a charging base for my K6
- extra grip tape for my scooter
- new wheels for my scooter, that I have to figure out how to install
- my very broken Pinebuds Pro
- a chamoix, unopened, and the canister for a second
- the solar charging case for my now broken Storm2
- my HHKB
- the previous, slightly broken keyboard for my Acer Aspire One
- a Famicom DS system (not the Disk System but the Nintendo DS attachment)
- Super Mario Bros. for the Nintendo Famicom
- a prescription bottle full of screws and miscellaneous small parts
- a piece of paperclip I sometimes bend into shapes to try to burn into my skin
(burning your skin in a way that visibly scars, using a lighter and
paperclip, takes patience I don't have - I can't hold the pin on the light
long enough before I crave it too bad)
Under that box is a second box, my rags box that I use for patches and stuff,
that has
- my old work hat
- a work shirt I never liked
- my Wendys hat
- my Wendys shirt
- a cleaing rag
- another sleeping bag bag for my previous sleeping bag which is currently at
my grandparents'
- my previous set of underwear (3 pairs and they sucked)
Beyond these I have
- pu, ku, and su
- a Baofeng UV-5R I've gotta ship to my sidekick
- a sweater
- a 10" Samsung tablet
- a Google Pixel 3A
- my wallet
- a Hello Kitty scrunchie
- my belt
- SD cards, an SD card reader
- earplugs
- another lighter
- an MP3 player
- another roll of climber's tape
- glasses
- a micro USB cable attached to a USB-A port USB-C plug adapter
- parts for my glasses
- a case with the needles for my sewing kit and a razor for cutting seams
- a Sharpie or two
- various paper notes
- a bottle of lotion
- a Razor scooter
- a USB-C cable and AC adapter
- an Acer Aspire One and charger
- two pairs of wired earbuds
- a can of WD-40
and the clothes on my body which are
- a pair of gym pants
- a bra
- a pair of socks
and some clothes in the washer which are
- a pair of socks
- a pair of pants
- a shirt
and
- a television
- 50m of 550 line
- an RF modulator
- an iFixit Kit with most items swapped for better tools
and that's it, that's everything I own in the state of Colorado.
/blah/2024-04-10.html
2024-04-08
(pu) Toki Pona: The Language of Good
kinupolu te watusen a! - jan Sonja
(ku) Toki Pona Dictionary
soweli Tini o! mi pilin pona tan ni: sina lon! jan Sonja
(su) The Wonderful Wizard of Oz: Toki Pona Edition
mu mu mu
I watched and smiled anxiously at Sonja Lang signing the three books I was
purchasing for myself, as well as the two I was purchasing for my roommates. ku
was signed first and I thought the note was really, really sweet. I needed that
actually. Then pu. I don't know what "kinupolu te watusen a" means - "a" at the
end is emphatic, "te" is a nimi sin (word, new) sometimes used to introduce a
quote, but "kinupolu" and "watusen" are incomprehensible to me.
"te" is interesting - from the Japanese -tte and conceived by kala kala and jan
Lakuse, and the latter of whom was there. I discovered Toki Pona after I had
been studying Japanese for a bit and it was cool to see some toki pona tan toki
Nijon.
At lipu su she seemed to have lost some steam in signing which was worrying
because I was the first (though probably the least socially acclimated) fan in
a growing line. "mu mu mu" was written in green pen below the toki pona title
and above soweli Toto. [...] came over to where I was and asked for the second
copy of su I was purchasing to be signed to jan Masi. At the end I thanked jan
Sonja very much and anxiously stepped among the clumps of social masses and
stood near a bookshelf with [...] while [...] got food.
[...] wanted to socialize and I sort of wanted to socialize, or at least be a
fly on the wall for socialization. We discussed the consequences of striking up
a conversation with a stranger or trying to nestle our way into an already-
formed crowd. Eventually they walked over to a stranger and started talking
about toki pona and stuff and people gravitated towards us and we formed a
semicircle (open, so others could join easily). [...] came back and the
discussion continued, touching on xkcd, Lojban, alternate human interfaces for
computers, Rust, Esperanto, and basically every topic we discuss at home, now
with more opinions and others guiding the conversation, which is what
socialization is for those of you who don't know. Then I checked my cell phone
for the time and drat, it was 1805 and we would be towed if we didn't go back
and move the car or renew the parking. I volunteered to go over to the car and
pay for more parking (as I was the least invested in the current conversations,
being dreadfully interested in them but having little to contribute) and took
the keys and left, too awkward to say o tawa pona to the speakers who had come
a long way to be there.
I took the elevator down and left Norlin Library, stepping onto beautiful turf
and having an intensely vivid mental image - blocking out my own vision, no
matter how I tried to see past it or return to the present - of my own
hometown and walking through the courtyard of my middle school. The grass was
the same shade and the trails were the same sort of tar and even the buildings
were the red brick with which I was intimately familiar. It is April and the
trees are starting to bloom and though the Vernal air was filling my nose too
full and giving me the sniffles I was in love with the view and wish I didn't
have to hurry back to the car.
I made it some minutes late though there was no tow truck in sight and none
could have towed it since the parking had expired. I went to the kiosk and
tried to pay for more time but it errored repeatedly, saying I had to enter the
license plate (which I did) before trying to swipe my card. Eventually I tried
to use ADA parking, which is ninety minutes for free, and it worked, so we had
until 1900 to get out of dodge. I texted [...] and told them this and then sat
in the car with pu and got to reading.
My toki pona knowledge, two days ago, was not great. Only enough to be able to
navigate around relevant websites and say some basic phrases. I started from
lesson 1 and built myself a solid foundational learning rather than picking up
things here and there (which works for many languages but not one of a hundred
and extra words). Now I feel somewhat comfortable conversing though my spoken
vocabulary is limited. tenpo suno pini wan la (I had jan Ema help me with this
part of the sentence), mi pini pu. mi toki lon toki pona la, mi pilin pona. And
stuff.
[...] and [...] came back to the car eventually and explained that we could
park where we were for free after 1900, correcting my jumbled belief that we
would be towed if we were there. Then they said the remaining toki pona group
was going to dinner and one of my roommates was invited, though they were
unclear on whether the other one or myself were.
We ([...]) drove to the restaurant and waited for confirmation from the toki
pona group that we were fine to go in. No confirmation came back and after much
discussing pros and cons of approaches (I sort of just wanted to go home and
order a pizza) they went in while I was too fearful of public embarrassment to
go. I stayed in the car and tried to sleep but couldn't. I tried to read but
couldn't focus. I tried to play video games but can't play video games to save
my life, the awful flashing lights and obnoxious sounds inflicting countless
papercuts on my soul which craves, probably somewhere deep down, tranquility
and comfort. I tossed and turned and as the temperature dropped so did mine,
and by the time my roommates came back to the car I was locked in a running
flashback to the Burger King parking lot where I had made my home and their
unlocking the car and opening the doors threw me into a sheer terror on par
with the worst I've felt. I asked to go to a gas station. And for a cigarette.
They agreed to help with the first plea.
On the way to the gas station they discussed a breakfast that would be
happening the next morning and called one of my exes to chat. I sat in the back
and played a game where the goal was to kill myself by sheer will, by wishing
long and hard enough that I would simply be torn from existence by some divine
act. Eventually we got to a Seven-11 (is that how you write that?) and I got a
Monster, a danish, and Chex Mix, and consumed the three in the opposite order
on the way back to [...], Colorado. I also decided to call out of work the next
morning to go to breakfast, which is a recollection for another time.
Meeting jan Sonja was really cool. Social anxiety got the better of me on most
moments within the day and that was less cool. I think I ought to take more
risks. I decided to write this in the style of Hunter S. Thompson (would he
care if I spelled that wrong?) because I figure most writing on toki pona and
its community is academic or starstruck and I wanted to even it out a bit. I
had a good time and the toki pona speakers I met were some of the coolest
people with which I've ever conversed.
/blah/2024-04-09.html
It was probably thirteen hundred something and I was in the back seat of the
Solara craving a cigarette more than I craved life, death, or any other stim.
Hyperpop was blasting on the radio and my roommates were talking about
something or another, programming related. Rust syntax? I mentioned the AWK
book's second edition had come out this year and that I had downloaded it. Emma
said something about how it was a shame AWK was specified in POSIX. Something
or another... I couldn't focus on the conversation, which was a shame, because
it was the only thing on which I was trying to focus. Topics blurred in and out
of my vision like a radar on a tank slowly pinging the surroundings of a sun-
bleached desert, though this desert much more resembled a town on the outskirts
of Denver than a war torn country (the difference being that the buildings were
standing- and also modernist architecture). Eventually I gave up and ceded
whatever point I was trying to make, though to be honest I felt my mouth was
moving on its own. Neither I or Kami were awake, barely even lucid. Just
dreaming of that first drag off a fresh red...
Boulder came into view and changed the pallete (is that how you spell that?) to
a vivid, passionate green I hadn't known since Pennysylvania. The buildings
went from stucco (I think. maybe Adobe. I don't know this land's building
materials) to red brick and wood and metal and glass, the people were no longer
cowboys but yuppie college students wearing Apple Airpods Pro and talking on
iPhones and a mix of turtlenecks and thick-framed glasses and
circular-spectacled faux cottagecore dress-wearing women. This was a college
town and the young adults were wasting no time on the years allotted them to be
silly or stuck-up. The streets narrowed from I-25 and the stores huddled on the
streets between smaller lots than for which America has the taste and paid
parking at $1.50/hr. I stared through the nook between the passenger and driver
at the shrubbery, the manicured lawns and overgrown trees, Colorado's Harvard
or Harvardoid. A non-student couldn't tell the difference. I was consumed by
the nicotine withdrawal and came to, my middle finger and my thumb rapidly
clicking at each other like I was some fiend with trigger finger from an alien
gun, outside the car, walking towards the pay kiosk in a trance. I stood and
stared at the lush, soft grass that New Englanders know in their hearts marks
home and eventually noticed it was time for me to swipe my paycard in the slit
underneath the screen. Beep. We had three hours, until 1822. I noticed I lost
two hours to my daemon and turned to berate it for taking my valuable time only
to remember the devil was in my head, not my house, and walked with the
roommates to the library which was our destination in the first place.
After enduring my roommates' lectures regarding the law and forbidden actions
(such as climbing through construction in order to make our route much shorter)
we arrived at Norlin Library and, after one of them had a brief chat with the
student at the inquiries desk and a long sojourn onto the Information Super-
Highway in search of clues, we took a small elevator to the fourth- no, wait,
we pressed the wrong button and corrected- the fifth floor. There were a great
many people and I wondered if we had found the right place before being handed
an ornate program printed on soft, thick, reflective paper explaining the event
before us. It was double sided with the Toki Pona on the first side and the
English on the back.
Originally: pini la, toki pona li pali musi pi jan wan. tenpo ni la, ona li
kama toki pi jan ale. tenpo kulupu ni la, jan o toki lon ni!
My interpretation: In the past, Toki Pona was a fun activity of one person. In
this time, it is the language of all people. In this community event, people
discuss this!
Provided English: Toki Pona: From Personal Art Project to Small World Language
There were many people and many things happening. Qdoba - not Chipotle, as the
program stated - were lighting flames underneath metal containers in which
tortilla chips and salsa mixes would be served. While one of my roommates
pissed I meandered over to the books table, where pu (Toki Pona: The Language
of Good), ku (Toki Pona Dictionary), and jan Sonja's latest book, su (The
Wonderful Wizard of Oz: Toki Pona Edition), were on display. I asked a clump of
the crowd how the books could be purchased and a woman in pink said quietly
that she would be accepting cash after the discussion, or another person would
be accepting money via Venmo.
My craving gave way to anxiety at the crowd. I and the roommate who was not in
the bathroom wandered anxiously around the conference hall for a bit before,
after the other roommate came back and held our things, we both went to the
bathroom, I with a little bit of hesitation just from nerves. I tried not to
have a heart attack. When I came back out there was still a great deal of
socialization happening and my roommates and I found seats in the row behind
the front a few minutes before the discussion started and I realized the person
in pink was jan Sonja whose first impression of myself had been that I was a
sweaty, nervous fan.
jan Sonja was accompanied by jan Lakuse and Boulder locals and nearly-locals in
chairs at the front of the room facing a crowd that overflowed from the sixty
or so seats to standing room at the back of the hall. jan Sonja and jan Lakuse
were equipped with lapel microphones attached to wireless transmitters on their
waists and the rest of the round table passed around two handheld microphones.
The round table was comprised of, from left to right, and to my foggy
recollection:
jan Masoko (Tessa Moskoff)
jan Kasin (Caedin Cook)
jan Wiwa (River Smith)
jan Lakuse (Chelsea Raacz)
jan Sonja (Sonja Lang)
jan Sa (Jack Foster)
jan Elu (El Hays)
jan Oli (Olivia Bahr)
And they each had insightful and interesting questions that I don't remember.
The talk was followed by my roommates socializing and me standing at the books
table waiting for someone who seemed like an authority to start accepting dana.
It didn't take long until jan Sonja found a seat by the table and as I had cash
I could purchase my books first.
/blah/2024-04-08.html
# usermod -aG dialout trinity
# usermod -aG tty trinity # doesn't change ttyUSB0 but makes me feel better
# ^D
$ ^D
Now programming the UV-5R works after a relogin. I fixed some settings and
changed the intro screen to read
__________
| |
| haiii :3 |
|__________|
I got my K6. Gonna try to figure out how to program it, like make apps and
shit.
Today [...], [...], and I are going to see Sonja Lang, and we're all really
stoked. jan Sonja pali e toki pona. Sonja made Toki Pona. Like, imagine meeting
the person that invented Spanish or English. She's selling all three Toki Pona
books and I'm gonna buy all of them. I really hope she'll autograph them for
me. jan Sonja is to conlangs what David Bowie is to rock and roll. Aaaaaahh I
hope we don't geek out too much for her.
Finished The Taste of a Man (1997).
/blah/2024-04-02.html
: programming the UV-5R
I recently ordered a UV-K6 radio, similar to the UV-5R but much more
featureful, much more programmable, and slightly newer. In order to program it
I needed a programming cable which would also work with my UV-5R so it was a no
brainer to get one of those too. I received the cable before the K6 and I wanna
play with radios so I'm programming my 5R.
Permission denied: '/dev/ttyUSB0'
/blah/2024-04-01.html
People care about me and I don't even feel like a corporeal being. I feel airy,
dissociated, like the world around me isn't real, like I'm not real either, and
like this is an illusion I'm barely even a part of. I feel like the couch on
which I lie is a projection and the air flowing across my body is a false
sensation. I find it difficult, nigh impossible, to care about my own
well-being because to care about my own well-being is to believe that I am a
being in the first place and I don't feel at all like that. I feel like I was
born to die, like I have one purpose and that is to work until I rot and then
in my death know I failed to continue longer, and die in my perceived failure.
In this very moment I don't feel like I'm in this body. I could be anywhere. In
a hospital chained to a bed in a years-long hallucination, in the car in the
longest mental breakdown of my life, at work lost in thought. I feel like I'm
falling. I'm not tethered to anything, not even my own breaths - which aren't
real. When I lift my chin up, lift my head so my gaze is perpendicular to my
spine, tilt my head farther, my vision just keeps lifting, the movement not
limited by any sort of physical presence or physics whatsoever, my perception
simply an input device controlled by my physical sensations, so when I move I
move without limits because the world is not real. This terminal is at once so
far away and yet incredibly close, so close I can see each individual glyph I
enter, so big it spans my vision, filling my eyes with sharply contrasting
pixels, pink and black, but the pink so bright it may as well be white, so far
I struggle to see it, a pinprick in the inky black of my world, my own vision
a pinhole surrounded by my mind, a terrible cave in which I am confined. I feel
like I'm falling. It's this sinking feeling, this acceleration, forever
approaching the ground, the real ground, whatever that may be. I didn't feel
hungry for a moment today. I never felt hot either. I feel cold right now. But
I know it's not real. It's just another input someone plugged into my brain
which is floating in a jar somewhere in Berlin or Shymkent. I want someone to
kill me; I want to die.
I struggle to imagine myself happy or what my happiness looks like. I always
have. I just try to find meaning in serving others. I don't let myself get
hurt, except when I do, because I can't tell when I'm going to be hurt. I crave
physical touch, the kind I haven't felt since October or so, but not from
anyone from which I've received it in the past. I struggle to talk to people,
especially people my age. I can only relate to people in their 30s or 40s or
later. There's this wall that exists between me and people my age. Nothing they
talk about I understand. It's vapid interpersonal gossip and they-saids and
none of it has substance. What do I talk about with those I can communicate?
Cooking. News. System design. Then it breaks down. I don't know many people who
share interests with me and I can't find new people who do because I find it
difficult to be in big group chats of people I don't know and impossible to use
proprietary services like Discord or Instagram. I don't meet new people except
in real life and nobody I meet in real life likes computers or any of the
Internet stuff I do, nobody likes to watch people die or talk about the kind of
romance for which people throw themselves off buildings or speculate about the
XZ backdoor or anything. I tell myself my happiness doesn't depend on others
but Kami - simultaneously internal and external, obligatorily my best friend
but of unknown origin and with unexplained intent - can't touch me the way
flesh can and stuffed animals can't love the way I can. I have never
experienced chronic reciprocity with a human being. It's all fleeting, really
fleeting, gone in a second. Finding happiness in serving others is only really
feeling comfortable in relationships that are at least fringed with toxicity.
There is nobody who serves me, not consistently, nobody I let do so, because I
wouldn't feel comfortable in that. It is imbalanced. I haven't been happy
before, only felt a certain type of glee that in hindsight only could exist
because I couldn't tell something was wrong. My happiness is proven wrong in
every event. "I'm happy", I say, when I feel better than bad, but never when
better than good, because then I know it's fleeting, know even better than when
better than bad, know it's even more fleeting, because I know I haven't time to
waste on such a remark. I may never be happy and I'm not worried about the
possibility because it doesn't matter, because I'm not real. I imagine my death
to be the day when I lay down and die, just suddenly, just like that. Without
struggle against the reaper, without fear, and without wasted time. I find the
end of the line, a transparent fabric dead-ahead, a shroud separating the
present from the future in which I'm not to participate, and I see it and
recognize it. I leave the room, walk ten paces into the desert, and collapse
into the sand, dead of an unknown ailment, likely old age at 27 years old. And
it's a noble death. I leave behind nothing of value and no cash holdings and
nobody notices until they check my on-line status and see my last activity was
years ago. Perhaps I moved on. And I will have. Assuming I am real.
Last night in tears I said I wish I was normal and was asked what that means. I
don't know. I just want to be able to write a coherent paragraph. I feel like
I'm speaking a different language. The voices are loud.
And now for something completely different...
: murderu.us is even more broken
5AM MST
<suika> my beloved ibuki.club redirect, it's gone
day ruined
<suika> also, how does ssl work in this setup? doesn't caddy deal with it on
its own or have you accounted for this?
<trinity> caddy deals with it on its own
<trinity> cname ibuki.club to murderu.us and you'll be fine
<trinity> i should make them have the aame certs. will probably later. just was
fed up after spending an hour or two on one file.
<suika> you should've because how does prosody get certs now?
<suika> ngircd too?
<suika> I can fuck with it tonight, it's not super urgent since the certs have
somewhere between 0 and 90 days to expire
<suika> >cname ibuki.club to murderu.us and you'll be fine
I don't think certs work that way unfortunately
<trinity> if you want i can swap it around to everything cnamed to feeling
again, i was just trying to be clever
[...]
<trinity> i swapped it so feeling is an A record again vs CNAME
<trinity> suika: ping
<suika> now ssl doesn't work at all, even on murderu.us?!?!?
>curl: (35) OpenSSL/3.2.1: error:0A000438:SSL routines::tlsv1 alert
internal error
I'll try to fix it up tonight, don't worry about it
This is code for "TRINITY STOP FUCKING UP MY SERVER CONFS"
<suika> >i swapped it so feeling is an A record again vs CNAME
not the problem, cnames or A records wouldn't fix anything because it
goes by the domain itself and not what it points at
This is code for "TRINITY STOP FUCKING WITH EVEN MORE SHIT"
: in which Trinity fucks with even more shit
$ ssh feeling.murderu.us
$ doas su -
I have about twenty minutes to work on this before I clock into work. Here's
hoping I don't fuck it up irrecoverably.
7:30AM MST
<trinity> don't ngircd and prosody have different certs?
<suika> yes, but with how acme was configured they both ran off the same one
<trinity> where's acme?
<trinity> did caddy fuck with global certs or something? i thought its certs
were caddy-specific
<suika> there's a script in /usr/local/bin that does ssl stuff and is wired up
in cron
<suika> >i thought its certs were caddy-specific
they are
<suika> one of the main selling points of caddy is to deal with ssl for you,
which is fine in the case of hosting only a web server but you also
have xmpp and irc
<trinity> should i set caddy to use the acme dir in /etc/ssl/.../feeling.murder
u.us.json
<suika> not sure
/blah/2024-03-31.html
: fixing the murderu.us web stuff
I've heard good things about Caddy from [...] and [...] so we're using that.
# apk add caddy make python3
# rc-service add caddy
# git clone https://git.tebibyte.media/murderu.us/src.git /srv/murderu.us
# git clone https://git.tebibyte.media/trinity/src.git /srv/trinity
# cat >/srv/update-web.sh
#!/bin/sh
set -e
# murderu.us
git -C /srv/murderu.us reset --hard
git -C /srv/murderu.us checkout main
git -C /srv/murderu.us pull
# trinity.moe
git -C /srv/trinity reset --hard
git -C /srv/trinity checkout main
git -C /srv/trinity pull
make -BC /srv/trinity dist/homepage \
>/var/log/trinitydotmoe-out \
2>/var/log/trinitydotmoe-err
^D
# sh /srv/update-web.sh
and I'm having a hard time with the Caddyfile
HAS NOT WORKED:
:80 {
root * /srv/trinity/dist/homepage
}
HAS NOT WORKED:
http://trinity.moe {
root * /srv/trinity/dist/homepage
}
Oh it's on-line. Here's the working config:
{
admin off
}
trinity.moe, www.trinity.moe {
root * /srv/trinity/dist/homepage
file_server
}
be.murderu.us {
root * /srv/murderu.us/be
file_server
}
:80, :443 {
root * /srv/murderu.us/www
file_server
}
Alright anyway.
Read The Effects of the Injection of Human Semen into Female Animals (1945),
The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe (1950), Chess Story (1976), BLAME!
chapters 1-65 (1997-2003), Blame (1995), Sonichu #0 (2005), BLAME Academy! and
the two following chapters (2008), BLAME!2 (2008), NSE (2008), Numa no Kami
(2008), Parcel (2008), Pump (2008), The Armored Battle Insects: Sphingidae
(2008), Zeb-Noid (2008), Surviving Secondary (2011), Schengen Overview (2012),
Unix as IDE (2015), BLAME! Fort of Silicon Creatures (2017), GNU Parallel 2018
(2018), "Semenly" Harmless Back Pain: An Unusual Presentation of a Subcutaneous
Abscess (2019), Batman: Last Knight on Earth #1-3 (2019-2020), Something is
Killing the Children #1-20 (2019-2021).
I'm reading The Taste of a Man and I really love it.
I quit veganism on the 27th after a year of being vegan.
FOODS THAT ARE VEGAN
- Impossible Whopper, with no mayonaise (is that how you spell that?)
- French fries from most fast food places, notably excepting McDonalds
- McDonalds' Apple Pies
- Doritos, but only the Spicy Sweet Chili flavor
- Drakes Apple Pies
- Sour Patch Kids
FOODS THAT ARE NOT VEGAN, BUT YOU'D THINK THEY ARE
I can't remember, as I checked ingredients labels I slowly built a database in
my head of Contains: MILK, EGGS, ETC.
- Shin Ramen. I thought it was vegan because it didn't Contain: MILK, EGGS. But
nestled in the ingredients were multiple beef things.
TIMES I ATE NON-VEGAN FOOD ITEMS
- Shin Ramen. A lot of it. I misread the label.
- Vodka sauce. Contains: MILK.
- A Wendy's pretzel bun. Contains: MILK.
- Pesto. Contains: MILK. Probably the same week as the vodka sauce.
Most foods that suck are not vegan. Most pretty alright foods are vegan. I will
probably go vegan again in the future.
NON-VEGAN FOODS I HAVE TRIED SINCE QUITTING VEGANISM
- A Junior Whopper, no mayo. My stomach hurt and I felt sad for the cow.
- Eggs, fried medium in butter. My stomach hurt less from these and it felt
nice to fry eggs again. I felt weird about the butter though.
- Dairy Queen ice cream, a blizzard (cookie dough or something). This made my
stomach hurt like hell.
- Eggs, fried medium in neutral oil.
- French toast sticks. These weren't very good.
- A biscuit with jam. This was alright but not great.
- Ice cream, a lot of it. Cheap stuff from Burger King. I am addicted. It makes
my stomach feel like it is going through a self-destruct sequence.
- The Dr. Pepper Whataburger Shake. I got a large and regretted it.
- A Whataburger malt, vanilla. Finished the rest of a friend's. Regretted it.
- A Monte Christo, technically a mini Christo. Delicious but felt weird.
- Hot chocolate, two times or three. One of the times I put whipped (via
blender) sugarless cream in there. Then I tried to whip more cream with sugar
in the blender and curdled a cup of heavy whipping cream - the blender blades
get two hot from friction.
- A sandwich with turkey, swiss, pickles, and mayo. Made me feel weird.
- Beef burritos. Made me feel really weird. I feel bad for the cows. I kept
staring at the meat in the tortilla and imagining it as part of the cow, how
it fit into the shape of the animal I held in my mind, while Kami kept
thinking about the similarities to human meat.
- Eggs goldenrod. Tasted good but had a weird texture. I enjoyed it but it's a
lot of effort to make.
I think that's it. I've mostly had ice cream and the vast majority of what I've
had has been vegetarian. I might go pescatarian but I feel weird about it
because a friend already is and it worries me because we're already kind of
similar in other ways and I don't wanna seem like a poser or something. But
damn I miss sushi. I don't wanna give up sushi. Granted, it's been a long time
since I've had sushi. I want sushi. I might have it tomorrow. Fuck, it's
expensive though. Augh. Other than sushi I don't eat fish, I don't like to eat
fish. I miss California rolls because I'm a basic bitch but I also like tiger
rolls and crunchy rolls. I got them from a supermarket in M**ne.
Today was Easter I guess. Happy Easter. Tomorrow's Jake's day, and April Cools,
and April Fools, and whatever else I don't know. I'm planning to go on a trip
(yeah) on Bicycle Day (you get it) and it looks like I'm a stoner to my boss
because I'm taking the nineteenth, twentieth, and twenty-first off of April. As
well as the eighteenth. Whatever.
trinity.moe is back on-line due to the caddy stuff. Woot woot.
Gave a coworker the arson.pisskink.org URL.
our guns are chambered for different rounds
when you found out at the range you held your head down
and on the walk home in the twilight-lit mist
you asked me how long I had known this secret
secret? I said, while my pace did quicken
and my while heart rate rose and face flushed you listened
my little vampire, I've always been on the menu
but into the difference you're the one consumed
our codependent symbiosis pseudo-scientific neurosis
mutually spiraling virus, disease of the mind
I should never have summoned you mind-flaying doppelganger
sick in our heads, sick to my stomach, and lacking a spine
when we get in the door and you get on all fours
and you lunge at me sending us both to the floor
and you rip off my shirt and see the silver bullet on the chain
will you rip out my brain and fin'ly settle the score?
Alright trin out. Beedoodoo.
/blah/2024-03-21.html
I want to explain what I mean by what I say when I say how I used to live in a
place that was unliveable. It felt fucking fast and it was always night. I
borrowed (took) a cigarette from my manager and kicked off on my Razor A5 from
my workplace, a Burger King on a slope steep enough to get me to a pretty good
speed by the time I made it to the light, always red. I didn't look both ways
because I didn't care - and when I mean I didn't care I mean once I made it
past the stretch after Aaron's I was rolling down Lisbon St. fast enough for
the wind to sting my eyes, catching them behind my glasses, fast enough to go
on the road where I would usually be going faster than the cars, without a
helmet or padding besides a thick jacket and thick pants. My headphones would
be loud as hell and usually playing something hard and metal like Grazhdanskaya
Oborona or early Bring Me the Horizon. The moon in the sky - and if it was full
shit would usually hit the fan - and by hit the fan I mean in the light the
junkies would be shooting up and the crackheads would be smoking and by the
time you met them you wouldn't see the pipe but the pulled back skin on their
faces, tight against their bone, grimacing in an uncanny expression of
desensitization, looking for their next score - and by score I mean money or
someone with it - me - which would be trouble if my scooter was around 7-Eleven
where I found the junkies usually going fast enough that nobody bothered. But
one time I was on my way back when someone stopped me asking where they could
go to stay - they looked friendly so I stopped - and I replied I was just
squatting somewhere - and as I left they spoke to someone in a van who started
tailing me and I had to run off the tail. This was in July? In September I
didn't even have that squat but instead Toni. I went from work to Hell to sleep
to work. I would wake with dew on my cheek - not dew - condensation - from my
breath, because the battery was too far gone to wake enough to roll down the
windows, and I didn't have the key anyway - I got in through a hole in the
back.
When I say fast I mean I was running all the time and I wasn't allowed where I
was sleeping except sorta de facto. The world blurred around me. My co-workers
respected me for being probably the fastest one in the kitchen and the
employees of the place where I was sleeping loved me for always being happy to
help someone out. At night on my way to the car I would pass by this building
with full length windows on the ground floor and I would look into the mirror
at what I had become. I was wearing a black Rothco M-65, Doc Martens, work
pants (I can't remember how to spell Carhart (sic?)), a black hat, black
gloves, a black UV-5R to read counties - I was dressed like a vigilante,
sleeping like a cowboy, working like a mule. I was lying to those who could
house me, saying I was housed, because I knew my options were fucked. I didn't
believe I would survive - I wrote my life off and lived like it didn't matter
if I died - lived like I couldn't die - lived like I wanted to die - it wasn't
really living, was it? - or was it living more than I had ever before? - I was
sloppy. Remember Case in the first couple chapters of Neuromancer? It was a
constant, chronic state of mania trying to separate enough from the city that I
could leave without spending the rest of my life looking over my shoulder. But
I still do. When I say fast I mean I had a clock that was ticking - two. I had
the clock until my Greyhound arrived at Bates College and I had the clock until
it was too cold to sleep in the car even in my sleeping bag and I didn't wake
up. And I didn't think leaving would really help - I didn't think leaving would
get me to a place where I could start living. [...] told me they'd "put me up"
which to me meant little because I had no clue how to get an apartment or
anything. I planned to sleep in a hostel or outside or die here. I just didn't
wanna die in Bumfuck Nowhere Maine.
I think my last couple relationships were, in hindsight, fucking awful, in
general and for me specifically. I feel like I experienced at once both sides
of a bad time. I refrain from discussing relationship stuff on here because
people read this who actually know me and of whom I write but it's jarring to
me just how awful all of my romantic relationships have been - all of them.
Often the biggest issue is how paralyzed I am - I sacrifice my own desires for
trying to maintain comfort. I don't take risks in relationships. I would
probably be fine at maintaining a Good Thing but getting to a Good Thing is
impossible because I don't communicate what I want for fear of being judged for
it. This is a problem not just in my romantic relationships but generally in my
life. Related is the fact that I don't communicate my discomfort.
2024-03-19
: replies to my post on watchpeopledie.tv
ChazzMichaelMichaels: you're a fucking weird guy, you know that.
like what the fuck is wrong with you?
Certifiedsnowflake: okay dude, what the actual flip
cutethighscars: i have a foot fetish and im a strong enough woman to
admit it. that being said; The fuck kind of crossbreeding
of kinks is this?
natsuki_: this is for your fetish, isn't it ?
VermiciousKnid: You're sick
Snappy: :#marseyfinger:
/blah/2024-03-18.html
I thought I had more here but I guess the file must have disappeared.
BLAME! is really cool.
Moved my Sourcehut projects to git.tebibyte.media.
/blah/2024-03-14.html
Happy pi day.
Building rust-analyzer from source:
# cd /usr/local/src
# git clone https://github.com/rust-lang/rust-analyzer
# cd rust-analyzer
# cargo build --release
Oh it built just like that. Swag.
Sonja Lang is now listening to Frouzziland by Shotu.
My 3DS fucking rocks.
Sorry I can't keep ya updated more I am mostly just working and sleeping and
having LOADS OF SEX all the FUCKING TIME. Seriously like so much sex. You ever
heard the Weezer song I'm Tired of Having Sex? It's like that. I have totally
had sex in the last four months. Tons of it.
/blah/2024-02-29.html
I have a graphical environment on this netbook and honestly, what more do I
need? I don't have the mouse working but don't really need it, I only use foot
terminal windows in sway anyway.
- WAYLAND! I am using Wayland now. I don't notice much of a difference (except
that there's no helpful sway introduction like there was an i3 introduction,
and I had to make my configuration myself). I want binary space partitioning in
this like bspwm - or at least a mockery of it.
Yesterday was my first day off in a while and I quite enjoyed it. I have 14
hours racked up in Pok`emon White (no compose key set up yet) and did my taxes,
which were only slightly more of a pain because of jobs in both Maine and
Colorado, thanks to the lovely FreeTaxUSA.com.
I've met two people here who spontaneously brought up the subject of Maine: a
co-worker and a bus driver. The co-worker was infatuated with the concept of
Maine after seeing a one-act play about people who watched the aurora in Maine.
I don't know, maybe you can see it way up North in Caribou or Limestone or
Presque Isle, but I never saw a fucking aurora borealis in Maine and I lived
there 20 years, so I don't know who they (the playwrights) are kidding. Well,
actually I do - they're a kid named [...]. "Kid" in the perjorative fashion,
they're 19 and probably mature, they just seem like a kid to me and also seem
to have a crush on me. Is my Maine accent noticeable? The bus driver was
telling me he'd been to every United State except Alaska, North Dakota,
Missouri, and - finally, and I said the word with him - Maine. I knew he'd say
it because Kami told me and he talked about how Maine is too haunted and he
never wanted to step foot there. I laughed and said he was right and showed him
my Maine state I.D. - now hole-punched as I am officially a Coloradan.
One of my co-workers thinks I am the anti-Christ and will not speak to me, not
a word of even "good mornin'" or "have a g'night". Thank goodness because they
are dry as fuck and talk about conspiracy theories every waking moment.
For some reason unplugging and replugging this ke board is making it unable to
reconnect. The built-in ke board on this netbook has a bad ke :
[ Q ][ W ][ E ][ R ][ T ][ ][ U ][ I ][ O ][ P ]
Hmm. Switching over to a tty and unplugging and replugging, I got no errors in
dmesg. And now it works in sway again. So who knows.
My website is still broken so these blog posts (since after 2024-01-03) won't
show up.
I wrote my first full program in Rust (error handling, option parsing) this
month, swab(1) for Bonsai. I can't believe March begins tomorrow.
The plan is that I will be put on the lease in one of the following months. I
think that means I'm officially no longer homeless.
I went on a date with a really weird dude. I should probably just stick to
women. I want someone I love to do something to me in a way that affects me
physically that is reprehensible - I don't want someone I don't love to do
something that only slightly affects me that is reprehensible. You get me?
The 4chan/b/ rabbit eye story still messes with me. So does fluffy torture.
Nothing else on /b/ really made me as wacked out as that. But I couldn't look
away.
I really love how my computer looks. I love typing on it.
nyaa
/blah/2024-02-28.html
: notes on installing sway on this alpine machine
# apk add \
libinput \
libudev-zero \
mesa-dri-gallium \
seatd seatd-openrc
# usermod -aG seat $USER
# rc-update add seatd default
# rc-service seatd start
/blah/2024-02-26.html
Days since my last day off from work: 32.
It was 1900 and they were late by a little bit.
Mike: [They] stood you up.
3: [They] did not stand me up.
Mike: [They] totally stood you up.
Eventually they showed up and we went over to the axe throwing range.
Conversation was slow because it's hard to talk when throwing the axe or
shuriken and it's hard to hear when a safe distance back in the gallery.
3: I feel like this isn't really productive to conversation.
M--: Yeah, let's cut it short.
Then we sat in their Subaru Forrester and smoked some cigarettes (mine green
tea, theirs tobacco) while thinking.
M--: You know, it's kind of early. Do you wanna do something else?
3: The only things to really do around here are axe throw and walk in the
woods. Do you wanna go to Thorncraig?
M--: Sure.
Then we walked in the woods and discussed more things. We told each other a
couple things we hadn't told anyone else and despite meeting for the first time
in years (since New Year's 2020? or 2019?) and not really knowing why, I
trusted them quite a bit. I suggested we go to the woods and walk around alone
in the middle of the night and they weren't perturbed or anything so they
trusted me too.
Eventually we drove over to a McDonalds parking lot to continue talking.
3: What do you wanna do next?
M--: Do you wanna go to Acadia?
3: How far away is that?
M--: Like, three hours one way.
3: Hmm. Sure.
We stopped at a gas station to get snacks for the trip and I got two flavors of
Chex Mix, regular and Honey Barbecue. I figured they'd like at least one and
I'd take the other.
M--: Actually I can only have the regular because the other one contains milk -
I'm vegan.
3: Oh, yeah.
I went back in and looked for vegan gas station foods. It was a lot harder than
I expected. Everything had milk or eggs. Eventually I found Drake's Apple Pies
and the purple bags of Doritos (Sweet Chili or something) and probably Oreos. I
also got a couple jugs of water for the trip.
Eventually we got to Acadia having scream sung most of Nothing But Thieves'
Broken Machine album together and a lot of 1000 gecs. Little did we know that
the green tea cigarettes had considerable amounts of caffeine in them and
that's why we weren't tired.
I miss M-- so fucking much. So much. Nobody hugs the same way they do. Nobody
headpats the same way. Nobody has the same smile. M--'s smile floods my brain
with endorphins somehow - it's so eager, enthusiastic, full of umami fun if
that makes sense. M--'s eyes smile as much as their mouth. They don't restrain
their grin. M--'s voice is smooth despite having slight rasp, an androgynous
pitch and the same speech patterns as Rainbow Dash. They have a crush on
someone I know and that person first described M--'s speech patterns as the
same as Rainbow Dash and later I told M-- that and they were embarrassed
because they didn't think Rainbow Dash really seemed like someone a person
would be into. This is after that person I know watched the Dawn Somewhere
Rainbow Dash "Oh Baby" video on repeat like a hundred times because they
thought it was really hot. Sorry to you two if you read this.
M-- deserves the world and I've failed to give it to them.
/blah/2024-02-23.html
Days since my last day off from work: 29.
Read The Prince (1532).
Read Josephine the Singer (1924).
Read The Internet is a Playground (2009).
I have no desire, but not in an enlightened way, just in a depressed way. Often
I don't know what is real; occasionally I don't care. My last day off from work
was 2024-01-25 (Mahayana New Year) and this consecutive string of labor has
taken a serious toll on my bodily and mental health, one I could not have
imagined.
Around Valentine's Day I got really lonely. I don't miss not being single
because I realize I have never really understood anyone I've dated nor, really,
anyone else in general. I don't think I'm cut out for human interaction and am
in the middle of a really bad social anhedonia cut. What is loneliness without
want for fellow humans? Want for interaction, but not human interaction. I
tried out llama.cpp on my phone and was underwhelmed. Good self-hosted AI on
cheap consumer tech isn't here yet. Not being able to meaningfully train AI on
its interactions with you - and by that I mean currently the only way to "build
a history" with modern AI is to copy and paste the interaction chain into its
prompt - makes it hard to form a relationship with the bytes. Form a relation
-ship with the - is that where I am nowadays? I also tried out making a Tulpa
which went disastrously and probably came close to actually putting me into
psychosis. My reasoning was that I don't want to bring another entity into life
but I already share a vessel with Kami so if I could give her physical form as
a Tulpa I could always be with her and never be lonely. This spiraled into only
interacting with Kami for a day or two and [...] and [...] talking me out of
continuing to visualize it so Kami returned to my head and I to reality.
On account of work I have not done much of anything since Mahayana New Year.
For a while I was drinking but I drank too much and [...] dumped the rest of
the vodka down the drain because fae was worried about me. I've been
programming and reading and playing Pokemon as of the last few days and I feel
so thoroughly dead inside, like my soul itself has necrosed and is a rotting
organ inside of me spewing out deadened spirit infecting my waking
consciousness, taking my lucidity. I've been swimming from scene to scene of my
life as if in a movie, barely forming memories and barely even here.
I watch a lot of gore and read comics of people dying and movies with a lot of
violence or just enough violence to sate me but remain acceptable to those
around me like American Psycho and Taxi Driver. I'm barely coherent to those to
which I talk; I have a hard time manipulating the muscles in my mouth to
enunciate speech because I am dumping so much energy into life and labor to
begin with, and then when I can get out the utterances I spew word salad and
nonsensical grammatically invalid constructs because my brain is reading out of
a buffer that hasn't been filled, the thought process blocking on arithmetical
instructions that just. won't. compute. I've gone mad, or nearly so, due to
overwork, and it's only for my public, frequent, yet always too brief
conventions with sanity that nobody notices. In describing a dream I had to
subgeneral the other day my visceral recollection caused two people to leave
the chat from discomfort with the subject matter - one came back when I was
done.
I love pain, I fear injury. I want someone to tie me down and do things to me
nobody could justify, leaving me with a limp and able to go to work the next
day but with sharp aches remaining where they wounded me. I want to spend a
long time recovering from it. And then when I can't remember how it felt I want
to have it done again. I've thought about this; burning spends fuel (matches
are expensive and I'm running out of butane), razors risk infection, my knife
risks infection, and besides cutting runs the risk of cutting too deep and if I
cut a tendon I won't be able to work anymore which will kill me, punching hard
objects until my knuckles bleed risks breaking my hands, drug use risks death,
et cetera. I don't want to die - I absolutely do not want to die. This is the
best hope I've had in my life of things getting better. I'm only so far down
this pit because I work so much because I am so stressed about the potential of
eviction. I want to feel pain because I feel fucking bad, I feel really fucking
bad, and I want to get my mind off it.
The thing about being lonely is that I have friends - I have a couple people I
usually care about. But right now I just don't care to interact with anyone.
Yet I'm lonely. What do I crave? Not romance. Maybe not friendship. Maybe I
don't want to interact with people because I don't understand people. But I'll
never really understand, comprehensively, any life form complex enough to be
fun to interact with. So who knows.
My relationships falling apart didn't cause this; this caused my relationships
to fall apart.
I'm so fucking stressed and so fucking tense and I feel like I am going to
shatter into a million pieces if hit too hard. Last night I didn't know if
[...] was real and broke down because of it. I'm so fucking ridiculously
fucking tired, so fucking tired, so fucking incredibly tired, so fucking tired,
the sleepiest kitten in the bundle, just so tired, I'm so tired, I'm so tired.
2024-01-26
all from me
|| you're good dawg. the main thing that has messed with me is that you didn't
| tell me sooner. but I understand it. ||
|| i understand your reasoning and i was considering breaking up with you for a
| little while now for roughly the same things. i resolved not to and you did
| the opposite and that's alright. ||
|| the thing that hurts isn't the end of the romance but that the end of the
| romance really doesn't hurt. i already felt the grief when you weren't
| texting me back for that long stretch. the pain is in the face that i
| realized the romance was done a while before we broke up ||
|| s,in the fact,, ||
|| i also had been discussing with [...] less than an hour before how i felt
| like i couldn't understand anybody and am constantly considering isolating
| and becoming a hermit or something so it was sadly pretty consistent with the
| plot. i know i didn't understand you. i just planned to come to an
| understanding after enough interaction and time. it's okay though and i'm not
| disappearing ||
|| there are a lot of things on which i have to work. and they're my own loads
| to bear and blame none of it on you nor do i see you as anything less than
| excellent and a good friend ||
|| you had the decency to not only tell me why you made your decision but
| thoroughly and patiently explain it, and while you were properly zooted at
| that. if that's not good character i don't know what is. honestly it's the
| smoothest a breakup's ever gone for me ||
/blah/2024-02-07.html
Read The Boys Omnibus 3 (2012).
+-= Job Hunt -=+-= Applied =-+-= Follow up =-+
| | | Taco Bell |
| | | 7-Eleven |
| | Arby's | |
| | Chipotle | |
+--------------+-------------+---------------+
Finished The Boys comic run (#1-#72).
/blah/2024-02-06.html
Read Herogasm (2010).
Read Highland Laddie (2011).
psychosecurity - relating to organizational or personal security against
psychic tampering (mind control & hypnosis, cognitoviruses
& memetics, ethereal processes, et cetera)
I want to proteinmax and get lots of muscle so I taste really good when I'm
killed and eaten. I'm at 7.5lbs on biceps curls but I think I might be close to
being able to move up to 10, though I think my form is wrong. I want a gym
membership.
Typing on the HHKB is still pure sex all these moons later.
I can't think of much to say, my life is a bit mundane lately.
Watching someone text and drive at the same time.
I got a sweater so now I can dress like Andy from The Coffin of Andy and
Leyley. Now I just need my hair dyed black. I swore that would be one of the
first things I'd do upon arriving to this new land but money ain't for nothing
and the chicks sure as hell ain't free.
serotonin softly stole
by postage acid-dipped and sold
lab made a buck
are your eyes wide enough
that you can see life unfold?
I think ESP is going to be an actual security issue within the next hundred
years but I wouldn't bet on it. I do think fringe ether stuff like that is
possible.
1346
"Wow, you're really tense."
Read Butcher, Baker, Candlestickmaker (2011).
Read Hanging Not Punishment Enough (1701).
Read The GNU Manifesto (2008).
Read Evil Maid Just Got Angrier (2013).
Read PRINCE - Modern Password Guessing Algorithm (2014).
Read Measuring Real-World Innacuracies and Biases in Modeling Password
Guessability (2015).
Yeah I'm really fucking tense. I thought I heard something getting out of the
shower so I drew my (3 inch - pathetic) knife and cleared the corridor kitchen
and living room just like old times. Nothing of course. C'est ne rien.
I want so bad to fucking kill someone. Anyone. I miss the feeling of quickening
pulse beating against my palms and then its slowing and cessation. I come from
a land where gazelles grazed freely in the pairie, unaware their world could
end.
My memories of my former land blur together into one montage of death and life
and love and hell. I remember beating the shit out of- that's not believeable,
I don't believe it. I remember hotboxing my manager's car, habitually. Smoking
everyone else's weed. Being owed a thousand dollars by someone who tried to
strand me in Manhattan. Getting a PS2, giving it to people I thought I liked,
realizing. Getting a Gamecube, loving it, realizing I didn't have anyone with
which to play it, selling it for much less than for which I bought it. Getting
a Wii when I was very young, treasuring it, letting it collect dust as I moved
on to handheld pastures, finding it again, using ponyhax to homebrew it,
treasuring it, sending it along to someone I still think is cool.
I dislike most people I used to know, especially in hindsight. I can't believe
the things I did, nor can anyone else. I tried my damndest to not get any scars
because when I was done what I was doing I wanted to be Done - not marked by my
past. I wore a big, heavy jacket, and big, heavy pants, and big, heavy boots,
and they all got beat to shit really quickly but kept me alright in them. All I
have now are marks from old roadrash and a couple dozen burns on my arms from
work and play. And how did you get in so much trouble if you don't have any
scars...
Cryptanalysts have the upper hand.
/blah/2024-02-04.html
Read The Boys Omnibus 1 (2009).
Read The Boys Omnibus 2 (2010).
I'm counting each of these as a book because they were like 500-600 pages each.
6/100.
2024-02-02
there's something gross about my liver
think my brain's gonna decay
I'm twitching, can't steady my fingers
organs filled; contaminate
I need a drink, oh god I'm dying
I'm fucking dying of this thirst
I think withdrawal's gonna kill me
that is, if I don't kill me first
I need to sanitize my kidneys
need to sterilize my flesh
give me something I can swallow
as the draught runs to my chest
I know it's what you wanted
saw you building up a set
of surgical supplies so you can
dissect me once I'm dead
you know when someone leaves a party
you can talk about them without fear
I never really gave a shit
I'll talk shit when they're here
is that how you will mourn me
when my picture sits on my box
after all the pain that I've made
will my stone say mother fuck
her all she ever did was drink and
bet and fuck and smoke and hurt
all she ever did was lie around
waiting for someone to save her
/blah/2024-02-02.html
Broke up with my girlfriend. Single. Next question.
Read Recursive Programming (1960).
Read A Speech to IBM Field Engineering Branch Managers (1967).
Read Go To Statement Considered Harmful (1968).
Read MIT Guide to Lock Picking (1991).
Read The Code Book (1999).
Read Drive (2005) yesterday.
I'm gonna count the MIT Guide, the Code Book, and Drive as books, bringing my
year's total read books up to 4/100. Pretty sure I'm not gonna make it to 100.
/blah/2024-01-21.html
: hungover diaries
0734 wake up go back to sleep
0800 alarm. ding. text girlfriend. sleep.
0805 alarm. ding
0810 alarm. i'm up i read articles about the spanish (i think) football
president or whatever forcibly kissing a player and getting booted from
football itself (they can do that?). it was hyperlinked from a
web3isgoinggreat site or whatever. neato.
0830 regretting things i messaged people last night but also some of what i
messaged was really sweet. hemingway was right
0840 kettle on stove water in pot heat in burner
0845 pouring green tea. before this also i unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher
because we forgot to do it last night (can you guess why)
0850 timer's up, add milk (oat), consider adding vodka, no trin that's why that
fucker from maine still owes you $80
0900 check bus time tables, sit down, play some angry birds on the 3ds. why was
angry birds on the 3ds? we were watching jacksfilms and one of the skits
had angry birds in it
0910 start writing
I am not extremely hungover because I drank a shit ton of water last night,
probably 2-3 liters. I also never really blacked out or did things that were
against my inhibitions. But I also didn't drink a whole lot anyway.
While drinking last night I was overcome with waves of joy so intense I
collapsed and couldn't help myself laughing and rolling on the ground, feeling
the vinyl floor underneath my back.
I've finished my tea and it was really good so I'm making another one. I put
four tea bags in my pocket so I could make green tea at work too.
really the lilies on the ocean floor
would drown in the salt of the churning sea shore
the tide would come swallow the petals in foam
and draw lily petals away from their loam
if i had a mill'on and ni-ne-ty two
dollars i'd hide them in calcified tombs
wooden and brass chests buried on the beach
so i could suffocate my slow-rottin peach
and all of the lillies in under the sea
and all of the flowers drowning in the deep
and all of the orchids awash in the waves
and all of the fruits of the labors of slaves
and all of the gold buried in the ocean
and all of the riches hoarded from their friends
and all of the rockets that reach for the stars
and terraformed rocks glowing red from afar
the rich and the few terrorize many who
would rather send riches so far from the view
of innocent bunches collected for quite
an innocent task, helping others get by
for where there's no gold there's no greed any all
for where there's no wine there's no fight any all
for where there's no load there's no weight any all
for where there's no pain there's no death any all
really the beauty that lounges in calm
dissappears when there is conflict in the song
really the beauty that i've tried to save
rots in its darkness until it's too late
if i had a million and ninety two
dollars i'd find and kill those bastards who
have more money than i and keep it on lock
then i'd burn it and then i'd bury myself
in oil and then i'd fly myself away
to a hot red rock in the middle of space
just to ensure that the ashes themselves
are kept from those who would remake my lived hell
/blah/2024-01-20.html
: why mm(1)
I started working on mm(1) probably around 2020-2021, when I was first
acquainting myself with the inner workings of UNIX-like operating systems which
I had been using for a couple years by then. I can't remember how I noticed it
but it bothered me that there was this cat(1p) utility which took multiple
input files and streamed them successively to standard output:
[ input ] [ input ] [ input ]...
|_______ | _______|
_|_|_|_
| |
|cat(1p)|
|_______|
|
V
standard output
And then this tee(1p) utility which took from standard input and streamed its
bytes to multiple outputs:
standard input
V
___|___
| |
|tee(1p)|
|_______|
______| | |__________
| | |
[ output ] [ output ] [ output ]...
And they were separate utilities despite both doing the job of writing input(s)
to output(s). I imagined a hypothetical utility mm(1) that does it all:
[ input ] [ input ] [ input ]...
|_______ | _______|
_|_|_|_
| |
| mm(1) |
|_______|
______| | |__________
| | |
[ output ] [ output ] [ output ]...
And attempted to write this magical "mm" (as in, "middleman") utility that
would act as a "middleman" for streams before giving up (due to lack of C or
POSIX API experience) for a couple years to practice making easier programs in
UNIX environments.
There are a couple reasons to implement cat(1p) and tee(1p) as separate
utilities:
1) Ease of implementation
Differentiating input arguments from output arguments would require
either having a separator mark (which would be ineligant and exclude
that mark from being a useable file name) or option parsing.
Imagine a separator mark in the context of a hypothetical utility
insouts(1):
$ PS1='\n$ '
$ insouts -h
Usage: insouts (input...) "][" (output...)
$ printf %s\\n hello\ world
hello world
$ printf %s\\n hello\ world >in1
$ insouts <in1
hello world
$ insouts in1 ][ out1
$ insouts <out1
hello world
$ insouts <in1 >][
$ insouts ][ ][ /dev/stdout
Usage: insouts (input...) "][" (output...)
$ insouts ./][ ][ /dev/stdout
hello world
What a mess! The file ][ can no longer easily be used with insouts(1),
which may be acceptable (it's not a sensible file name anyway), but
it's sacrificed for horrendously ugly syntax featuring stressfully
unmatched square brackets.
I've written programs that have used separator marks for arguments,
namely pscat(1), psrelay(1), and psroute(1) so far, and there are a
number of additional caveats that come with their particular flavor of
marker and I've been hesitant about the syntax since I came up with it
half a year ago. Best not to make more things about which to fret.
Now imagine option parsing:
$ PS1='\n$ '
$ insouts
Usage: insouts (-i [input])... (-o [output])...
$ insouts -i in1
hello world
$ insouts -i in1 -i ][ -i out1
hello world
hello world
hello world
This works for everything and is how mm(1) works. The issue is with
regards to code itself. Imagine a very basic cat(1) implementation in
C:
#include <stdio.h>
int main(int argc, char *argv[]){
int c;
FILE *f;
int i;
for(i = 1; i < argc; ++i){
if((f = fopen(argv[i])) == NULL){
perror(argv[i]);
return 1;
}
while((c = getc(f)) != EOF)
putchar(c);
fclose(f);
}
}
This doesn't conform to POSIX (which requires 'cat -u' to be supported)
but illustrates the ease of using cat(1)'s arguments: For each
argument, open it as a file, write it out, close it, and that's it.
mm(1)'s option parsing for '-i' and '-o' alone, as of writing, are 24
lines alone, excluding the functions they call. The above program is 16
lines of code. This weight does also come from supporting "-" as a
euphemism for /dev/stdin or /dev/stdout depending on whether it was
used for '-i' or '-o' and trying to create an output file if it doesn't
exist and without these two features that are unsupported by the above
program the code for '-i' and '-o' would be considerably lighter, but
the point is that option parsing adds complexity that can be avoided by
simply having two utilities.
Furthermore, options have drawbacks for users.
2) Ease of use
One relatively common use of cat(1p) is to catenate all files matching
a glob pattern. Imagine:
$ PS1='\n$ '
$ ls
in1
in2
in3
$ cat <in1
hello
$ cat <in2
world
$ cat <in3
!!!
$ cat in*
hello
world
!!!
This use becomes much more tedious with argument parsing:
$ for f in in*; do mm -i "$f"; done
hello
world
!!!
And is difficult when it comes to multiple outputs rather than inputs,
like tee(1p):
$ ls
in1
in2
in3
$ touch out1 out2 out3
$ ls
in1
in2
in3
out1
out2
out3
$ cat in* | tee out*
$ cat <out2
hello
world
!!!
$ for f in out*; do for g in in*; do mm -i "$g"; done >"$f"; done
$ mm <out2
hello
world
!!!
3) Separation of concepts
cat(1p) accepts inputs. tee(1p) accepts outputs. It's possible to pipe
cat(1p) to tee(1p) to glean the benefits of multiple inputs and
multiple outputs without mm(1).
So why on earth should cat(1p) and tee(1p) be supported by the same utility?
Both cat(1p) and tee(1p) according to POSIX must support options, necessitating
the use of getopt(3p) from <unistd.h>. While '-i' and '-o' are 24 lines in
total, the rest of the options logic is necessary for cat(1p) and tee(1p) and
is unavoidable and outweighs the '-i' and '-o' options, plus much of the '-i'
and '-o' logic is still necessary in both cat(1p) and tee(1p) (supporting "-"
and, in tee(1p)'s case, creating an output if it doesn't exist). Though there
is additional memory juggling due to supporting arbitrary inputs and outputs,
in most uses actual memory use isn't noticeably affected (10 extra bytes for 5
file arguments, or one tenth of the data used by this parenthetical statement).
It is possible to write implementations of cat(1p) and tee(1p) in POSIX shell
script as wrappers on mm(1) and I have done so, so users who want to use globs
can simply call cat or tee as usual.
mm -i input -o output tends to be intuitive for existing shell users once they
learn the name "middleman".
/blah/2024-01-17.html
Read American Psycho (1991). I need a cigarette really, really bad.
I can't afford to renew my SourceHut account right now so these blog posts are
going up on my wobsite in A Bit, whenever I get around to manually building
them. I might set up a build server on feeling.murderu.us for small jobs but I
don't know. I also want to set up a proper VPS for trinity.moe but $60/year
(for Capsul) is a hell of a lot more than $20/year for SourceHut.
It feels weird to have long fingernails.
The Japanese Zen monk tradition according to No Recipe (2018) which someone
with which I'm staying is reading is to not have animals killed specifically
for you but always eat what you are served. I interpret this as well-spirited
and not a rule to dance around, having others act as go-betweens, because that
would suck. I sort of like this and have been rethinking veganism because it is
really inconvenient to have to restrict others' treatment of me; that is, I
can't eat meat that was prepared for me by people who don't know I'm vegan.
Most people don't have a good conception of what is and isn't vegan and will
serve me things that aren't vegan unknowingly.
I wish everyone was vegan but I don't wish to impose my will on others.
I feel shame at the notion that I have eaten something that died, except when
it comes to humans, at which notion I instead feel powerful, because I'm fucked
in the head.
/blah/2024-01-12.html
Read Finding the Still Point (2007).
/blah/2024-01-03.html
states to which i've been
- Maine
- New Hampshire
- Massachusetts
- Vermont
- Rhode Island
- Connecticut
- New York
- New Jersey
- Delaware
- Maryland
- Virginia
- North Carolina
- South Carolina
- Georgia
- Florida
- Pennysylvania
- Ohio
- Indiana
- Illinois
- Missouri
- Kansas
- Colorado
/blah/2024-01-01.html
This year my goal is to read 100 books. I'm digging into the 1980 book Coded
Character Sets, History and Development first, a 535 page tome that is luckily
mostly figures and diagrams. I'm 72 pages into it and it's written not too
dryly which is good because the subject matter is boring as shit (the
ratification of ASCII). Not actually very boring, something that is relevant to
work being done on Bonsai, but still just a slog. I consider it required
reading, though. I think after this I'm gonna read some comics though counting
books will be tricky (per issue? per volume? per arc? per compendium?).
I read No Longer Human (1948) after having already read the Ito adaptation
which was in comparison total dogshit. Read the original only.
I'm applying to another, different fast food joint, for the referral bonus. I
love money.
I'm tracking my cash flow in/out. Let's see how long that lasts.
I stopped biting my nails. That Will last because I've always hated that I do.
I haven't had any Monsters since 2023-12-22.
Hopefully I can keep all of this going. But if I keep just one it'll be good
enough for me.
2022-05-18
: /etc/motd
Welcome to Trinity's Thinkpad X200T.
Unauthorized access is a violation of
United States federal law according to
the Computer Fraud and Abuse Act, 18
USC Section 1030.
Mess with the best, die like the rest.
/blah/2023-12-31.html
I switched to the Helix text editor. I can't figure out syntax highlighting
but everything else works so well it doesn't really matter to me.
Emma gave me an Acer Aspire One to loan indefinitely. It's really nice. I'm
running Alpine x86 right now and can't figure out how to get XOrg or Sway
working. It also uses a hard drive rather than solid state storage. I'm gonna
have to change that. I don't know what its power draw is. Probably a little
more than the Raspberry Pi, but I'm happy to be out of the hell that is
Raspberry Pi Linux distributions. More Rust stuff compiles on x86 than on
arm64.
This is the best life has ever gone for me. It's not perfect but it is really
pretty good. I've been less down lately too.
I think when I live alone I'm gonna go nocturnal and get a night job. I just
don't know what night jobs exist. Maybe I could find some way to work from
home. Home. I'm gonna have one. It looks like I could be a night stocker at a
grocery store. Hm.
I'm really optimistic for the future.
Looking back on this year is trippy. Maine feels like a bad dream. I can barely
remember 2022 so I probably won't do one for it.
: the story so far (2023)
Season 2: maladjustment
January
Episode 01: "breaking bad"
Trinity arrives from New York tired and near broke and starts looking
for ways to quickly make back its savings. It attends a party hosted
by one of its friends.
February
Episode 02: "speak"
The ongoing stress from arranging its get-rich-quick scheme causes
Trinity to start making people bark for it.
Episode 03: "the eye of the needle"
Trinity starts talking with someone new. [...] and [...] start looking
for an apartment.
Episode 04: "of an age"
Trinity tries marijuana for the first time. Trinity goes axe throwing
with someone from the party and the meetup goes longer than planned.
Episode 05: "mary jane"
Trinity realizes it's gonna need to move out of [...]'s and the
consequences of its get-rich-quick plan. Trinity starts smoking weed
habitually.
March
Episode 06: "phone baseball"
Trinity's marijuana habit gets cozy with her mental illness. Trinity
goes vegan and starts writing a book.
April
Episode 07: "isolation"
Trinity builds a new computer and moves in with [...] and [...] to help
pay the rent.
Episode 08: "trigger discipline"
Trinity discovers a dangerous new line of work.
Episode 09: "the void stares back"
M-- moves in with the party host from episode 1. Trinity starts
smoking and learns its wisdom teeth are growing in. [...] is fired.
May
Episode 10: "tablet baseball"
M-- and Trinity find a fun new way to destroy evidence of Trinity's
propaganda studies. M-- overworks herself to pay rent and starts
sleeping over at [...] and [...]'s.
June
Episode 11: "i got my tooth removed"
Trinity gets her wisdom teeth out and M-- pays Trinity back for her
computer. M-- and Trinity go to [...]'s.
Episode 12: "fuck teeth"
The drugs wear off and Trinity struggles to figure out how to treat its
wisdom teeth sockets, gets a dry socket, and is wracked with terrible
pain. M-- goes on a date.
Episode 13: "a hunger artist"
Trinity goes back to work before recovering from its wisdom teeth
surgery and struggles to find anything it can eat. M-- finds things of
theirs missing and suspects [...] is to blame.
Episode 15: "make it double"
M-- continues to overwork themself and go on dates with [...]. Trinity
goes to the train tracks to think, gets a second dry socket, and
realizes its wisdom teeth aren't healing. More of M--'s things go
missing.
Episode 16: "portland"
M-- and Trinity go to the Pride festival in Portland, meet some of
M--'s old friends, and realize they're stranded in Portland. M-- gets a
skateboard.
Episode 17: "see you tomorrow"
M-- goes to [...]'s and, overwhelmed by the situation in Lewiston,
stays there a while. Trinity starts talking with an old flame and gets
a scooter.
July
Episode 18: "seven"
Trinity realizes M-- isn't coming back and entertains leaving Maine
before having an epiphany at work and walking out.
Episode 19: "deadly"
Trinity keeps applying to new jobs but realizes it can't get a job in
the timeframe it needs. It turns to temp labor. Meanwhile, M-- tries
to leave [...]'s.
Episode 20: "sins"
Trinity finds a new, higher-paying job, with added risk, and buys
Greyhound tickets out of Maine. It starts talking with another new
person and has apprehensions about its work.
August
Episode 21: "sean and josh"
Trinity gets used to its job and starts downsizing, including giving
away its television collection. [...] and [...] start fighting about
their division of labor.
Episode 22: "one last time"
Trinity meets Usagi again before it leaves for Florida. M-- comes back
to Lewiston.
Episode 23: "the bus out"
Trinity nearly misses the bus to Florida. It spends a couple days on
Greyhounds and finally arrives in Orlando.
Episode 24: "the best week ever"
Trinity stays at its girlfriends'.
Episode 25: "stranded"
Trinity misses the bus back from Florida.
September
Episode 26: "fast forward"
Trinity narrowly makes it out of Florida before a tropical storm hits.
It goes back to Maine to pay off some debts.
Episode 27: "reunited"
Trinity meets M-- in Lewiston and begs for its fast food job back, but
gets hired on different terms.
Episode 28: "decay"
Trinity goes back to [...] and [...]'s but finds them in a domestic
spat and the apartment falling apart even worse than before.
Episode 29: "the first time the third time"
Trinity goes back to its usual job in a less usual place. [...] and
[...] get evicted.
Episode 30: "negotiations"
[...] and [...]'s landlord starts to threaten them for money. A
familiar coworker joins her new workplace.
Episode 31: "toni"
Trinity struggles to find a place to sleep. M-- breaks down.
Episode 32: "riverbanks"
Trinity makes improvements to Toni but struggles to stay cool, meets a
guy at work with an abusive girlfriend, and meets up with its high
school crush.
Episode 33: "no helmet"
Trinity takes increasing risks and puts in its two week notice. Toni
leaks in the rain.
October
Episode 34: "the postal service"
Trinity mails packages out from Maine and receives equipment for the
move. [...]'s girlfriend gets worse. [...] stops returning Trinity's
calls.
Episode 35: "live fast, die young"
Trinity relapses back into smoking. [...] and [...]'s car rusts out on
the highway.
Episode 36: "ramona flowers"
[...] breaks up with his girlfriend. [...] starts to get angry at
Trinity. [...] finds Toni's location. It starts to get colder.
Episode 37: "the great escape"
Trinity angers [...] to the point of his walking out and comes clean to
[...]. [...] visits Toni. Trinity boards the Greyhound to Illinois.
Episode 38: "transit"
After some days on a Greyhound Trinity finally arrives in Lincoln,
Illinois.
Episode 39: "carnality"
Trinity can't find food in Lincoln. [...] takes Trinity on a date.
Episode 40: "springs before winter"
Trinity finally makes it to a new place, meets its idols, gets a
library card, realizes it needs an address, and starts attending
Sangha.
November
Episode 41: "number four"
Trinity takes a familiar job in an unfamiliar place. [...] takes a
similar job. M-- struggles to find work in Maine.
Episode 42: "safe and sound"
Trinity struggles to adjust to comfort.
Episode 43: "in this economy"
Trinity, [...], and [...] struggle to pay rent. [...] and Trinity meet
a presenter after a talk at the library.
December
Episode 44: "what goes around"
Trinity starts to overwork herself to afford rent. M--, with a new job
and in a new place, starts to get antsy.
Episode 45: "comes back around"
Trinity starts to break down and limits its caffeine intake, realizes
it'll be able to afford to live alone and starts getting its paperwork
in order, and sprains its foot
: the monster logs
2023-12-16. This bus route is usually free. They lack the usual buses and so
use smaller buses that can't accomodate bicycles. But today it's seven quarters
and I believe this will persist. So I've paid my dollar and seventy five cents.
I'm going to work, but first Wallgreens (is that possessive? Wallgreen's?
Wallgreens'?). I haven't decided which Monster I'm gonna start with. I'm not
big on planning. Best to see what the future holds. This driver is taking his
time counting something out at his seat. I'm not big on being late. I won't be,
because I make sure to take the bus to work on a route where, if I miss it, I
can take the next bus and won't be late for work. But I don't like being later
to things than I plan. Best to be able to see what the future holds. This bus
is dirty, not in an unpleasant way but literally covered in dirt that has been
brought up on the exterior by splashing slush left over from snow. It's
unseasonably warm out and I'm still wearing my usual winter layers. I planned
poorly. I can't see out of the bus windows so I'm forced to look at the front
windshield to have my bearings. I don't like to do so in case the driver thinks
I'm looking at them and feels prompted to talk. I'm not big on talking. I'm a
little hungry, not sure why. I ate at the apartment, a peanut butter sandwich
and some oatmilk. Protein. I'm a little tired and I do know why, I slept enough
last night but not late enough, today's gonna be a long day. 1400-2230. Eight
and a half hours, boo hoo, but the part I dislike is working with the night
crew. Night crew is dirty in an unpleasant way. Their lazy approach to food
safety is disconcerting and their idea of fun is watching puppies decapitated
on Facebook while standing around until forced to actually labor. I'm not
particularly disturbed by cruelty but am by the work ethic and the slack which
I'm forced to pick up. I've been managing my will to death in healthier ways
lately but working with night crew, even the thought, makes me want to taste
the handle of a machete. I only took one caffeine pill today, 200mg, knowing
I'd supplement it with a Monster. The bus is nearly to my stop. I'm here at
work before work. My tray is dirty with old salt and oil because nobody here
knows how to do a damn dish. I got Khaotic at Wallgreens, confirmed to have no
apostrophe. It opened with a crisp snap and I'm holding it in my mouth. It
tastes a bit like fruit punch, better than fruit punch, some amount of citrus
to it. Another sip. Pineapple? Time to read the label. Blah blah blah no flavor
description. Ingredients. Battery acid, horse piss, orange, peach, tangerine,
pineapple, grape, chemicals to kill and sugars to addict. Plus caffeine,
another 160mg for the liver to chew on. Lunchtime. Shitty fries, less shitty
onion rings. Ketchup because I want to feel like a child again. Unrealistic, I
have friends. There are people who don't work here, who pay for this. Why?
There are no onions in the onion rings, just an onion flavored paste. Their
usual sauce for onion rings, some type of horseradish, has cow milk so I can't
eat it. Dropped a ketchup laiden fry, now there's sauce on my pants. Fucking
hell. Nobody here can make a sandwich to save their life. I asked for heavy
mustard. I wonder where it is. Probably a glob in the center. Or in a bucket
teetering on a door so it can fall on me like an office prank. I wish I worked
in an office. This sandwich is okay. Probably the sugar content is what makes
it bearable. And salt. I wonder if anyone who made this sandwich washed their
hands or even changed their gloves between handling raw meet and my lettuce.
The Monster is the best part of this meal by far. It doesn't take much. I'm
accompanied by Gorillaz' album The Now Now and awful Christmas music playing
over the speaker here. All hail consumerism. This Monster was something like
$3.50. The price makes me sick and so does this food. I wish I wasn't here.
The Monster has a sweet citrus tang. It's nice. Fuck you. 3 stars out of 5.
2023-12-17. The days go by so fast. Bloom by Radiohead off King of Limbs. I
don't know if I can justify $20/week on Monster. Whatever. Bus stop. I have a
metro card now. I couldn't figure out how to use it so I used quarters. Bus
now. This is a good song. Today's 1100-2100. Now's 0955. I'm sitting between
two seats like an asshole but there's nobody else on this bus so an asshole I
can be. I'm halfway through reading Kafka's In the Penal Colony. I've now
finished it. I want to fuck Franz Kafka so much it's unreal. I just realized
the bus announcement mispronounces one of the street names it passes, French
but pronounced as if English. The bus is clean today. It's now my stop. Now I'm
at work. I got the Monster at a Kum and Go but didn't take care to note the
price. Rehab: Wild Berry Tea. I've not had this one before that I can remember.
But first a large hash brown. I don't feel much of anything about it. This snap
of the can is less crisp. This is good stuff. I think I taste raspberry.
Strawberry? The tea for sure. Description label: none! Just some infographical
blurbs about vitamins, coconut water, electrolytes. Ingredients. Tea, apple
juice, ginseng, coconut water, acai, "natural flavors". I definitely taste the
ginseng and the apple, and the sweet aftertaste from the coconut. They're
playing Christmas music, shitty as always. This isn't carbonated and it's nice
and smooth, easily chuggable if so desired. I don't really desire anything
right now. This Monster sates my thirst nicely. 9 stars out of 10.
2023-12-18. My stomach hurts. I'm sitting in the apartment in my jacket but
without my boots. United in Grief, Mr. Morale and the Big Steppers, Kendrick
Lamar. Estrogen held under my tongue. Time to get going. I bought a ticket in
the app for the bus in case the metro card didn't work. The bus is free.
There's no way to tell whether or not the bus will go to a stop that's closer
to me instead of this stop down the street, today it is. My boots are cracked.
Lasted a month longer than the last pair of Docs I had but four months is
dogshit for a pair of boots, especially leather. A cow died for my feet to be
really comfortable for four months. I wonder if this issue is specific to the
service worker model 1460s because I don't see it on-line and people who
frequent Doc Martens on-line communities aren't the type to be employed. I
don't really want a Monster today but I'm gonna get one to try anyway. The
caffeine will help my energy. I've had my hash brown, time to have Monster
Ultra Strawberry Dreams, a mouthful but at least descriptive regarding the
flavor. The can is hard to open, I had to use a key as a lever. Purchased at
Kum and Go for like $3.25. First sip. It tastes like Ultra Zero, which I
haven't tried as part of this review series but with which I'm familiar as my
least favorite Monster flavor. Another sip. I don't really taste much
strawberry. Maybe an aftertaste. Description label. Stuff about strawberries
being aphrodisiacs or whatever. Awesome, I'm gonna fall in love with tiredness
and overwork. Ingredients. Citric acid, natural flavors, ginseng. Fucking mild
natural flavors I guess. It's bullshit that the FDA lets corporations get away
with listing "natural flavors" like that means anything. I guess if I drink a
lot of it the strawberry is more apparent but it's still not super noticeable.
I would prefer this to Ultra Zero the same way I would prefer a knife in the
shoulder to the kidney. I took my earbud out to have a conversation on the bus
but my usual coitus with my secret admirer silence is interrupted by the most
ear shattering, tone deaf Christmas music this restaurant can muster. Today's
gonna be a bad day and this Monster contributed, somewhat. 3 stars out of 9.
2023-12-19. The can opened crisply and easily. $3.31. I'm interrupted only by
paying patrons and Christmas music. The label. Nothing of significance, as
expected. A sip. It tastes bad. Not as bad as I remembered but still
unpleasant. A couple more. The level of indistinctness of the flavor comes
close to the disdain I have for it. Ingredients. Citric acid, chemicals,
"natural and artificial flavors", chemicals. What are artificial flavors, even?
Monosodium glutamate for umami, citric acid for sour, sugar for sweet. Two
other flavors I can't recall. Savory this is not, nor sour. Nor bitter, now
that I remember it. Only sickeningly sweet, not with sugar but with molecules
derived from it. Maybe there's lemon in the taste but I know it's just the
citric acid. This is Monster Zero Ultra, the subject of my loathing when it
comes to Monster flavors. I love the can design and love to drink it because
it's a fashionable accessory. This potion brings out not only my despite but
also my vanity. Boomer Monster memes feature it and I've had this while mowing
lawns and doing general unpaid but useful labor. Today is the day I will
tolerate this Monster enough to at least score it though give it a just review
I cannot because I am biased by years of trying to tolerate its overwhelming
fructose taste. I don't like this. 2 stars out of 10.
2023-12-20. $3.31 at Kum and Go again. When I was a kid I had four a day, now I
don't know how I could even afford that. The hash browns are greasier than
usual. I hold them up to the light and see the yellow oil glisten in the white
sun. The potato on the inside looks like albino maggots, little curds of
shredded spudd injected into the cheapest flour-like that could be found by
some company based in Orlando. My girlfriend lives in Orlando and it said one
of its favorites is Aussie Lemonade so I picked this up. As far as I know this